


The Match

by Inked11



Category: Women's Soccer RPF
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-15
Updated: 2018-08-08
Packaged: 2019-05-07 04:47:12
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 19
Words: 187,413
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14663625
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Inked11/pseuds/Inked11
Summary: When people say they’re looking for their perfect match, they usually mean in personality. But what if that person happens to be a match in more ways than one?





	1. The Yin

**Author's Note:**

> Well, I'm back! Sort of. I have definitely been way too busy to even think about attempting a sequel to Ruck Me or Veritas Aequitas, but that will come when I have a bit more time. In the meantime, I started writing something for fun and to help clear my head when busy with my professional work. This one is a bit different for me and much less intense, a lot shorter, and less detailed than my other fics. It's just a lighter work that is more fluffy than anything else. So, please enjoy it for what it is. It is just about fully written at this point and will be 16 chapters with a possible epilogue if you end up wanting one. I'll update pretty regularly since I'm mostly just lightly editing chapters at this point.
> 
> I always love your feedback and thoughts, so comment away as we go along! Thanks for reading :-)

“Hey, Ali! Looking nice today in that sweater. So,  is today the day you finally go on a date with me after this?”

“Hey, Jim!” Ali waves at the jovial older man sitting in the reclining chair on the other side of room identical to the one she just settled into herself.  “First, you’re gonna have to do way better than sweatpants and that old baseball hat if you want a date with me. I have standards.” Ali smiles at the predictability of his wardrobe. “Second, I thought we established that you’re just not my type.” She adds with a wink.

“Can’t blame me for trying.” Jim laughs heartily. “And you damn well better have higher standards than someone like me!” His voice takes on a protective tone. “Someday that perfect woman is going to come along and sweep you right off your feet, you just wait. And she’s going to have to get through me if she has any chance of sticking around.” He smiles and waves his finger in warning.

“Yeah, well…I’m not holding my breath.” Ali shrugs. “Chronically ill and technically disabled don’t exactly rank high on the list for dream girl. Besides, who has time to date when you spend half your life in this place.” She vents, knowing he understands her plight completely.

“Hi, Ali. Ready?” A nurse walks in and interrupts them.

“Sure am, Barb. Hit me.” She rolls up her sleeve and holds her arm out, reclining back into the seat and getting comfortable. It only takes about five minutes before the needles are in place and the low whir of the large machine next to her can be heard.

“See you in few hours, call if you need me.” Barb hands Ali a remote control for the TV that also features the nurse call button.

“I’ll be here.” Ali gives a tight smile.

“Let me just say one more thing and I’ll stop.” Jim starts up again from across the room and gets a nod from Ali. “All that stuff you just said, none of it matters with the right person. Love is blind as a bat like that. Trust me. You know that my wife had early onset Alzheimer’s… she didn’t even know who I was that whole last year she was alive. Never mattered one bit. That perfect woman is going to show up someday, probably out of nowhere… just make sure you open your heart and forget the rest. You deserve it. We all deserve love. That’s all I’m saying. Besides… who doesn’t love a beautiful fistula?” He gestures to his lumpy forearm and then gives a little wave with his hand to signal that he’s done with his little speech.

“You’re right, Jim.” Ali smiles at him with both sympathy and appreciation. “Thank you. Don’t know what I’d do without you. And yeah…very sexy.” She points to her own forearm and rolls her eyes, glancing at what looks like a squiggly garden hose under her skin from her wrist to her elbow. Even after all these years, it still makes her cringe and long sleeves are a staple unless the weather is brutally hot.

“Anytime, sweetheart.” Jim waves it off. “Time for the Price is Right.” He points to the little TV in front of him and signals Ali to turn on hers. “Ready to lose the bidding war today?”

“You’re going down!” Ali challenges back with confidence even though she hasn’t beaten him once in 5 years.

\------------------

“Ali?” Barb gently shakes the shoulder of the sleeping brunette.

“Hmmm?” Ali slowly opens her eyes and takes in her surroundings, realizing she must have fallen asleep at some point in the four hours she’s been sitting there.

“You’re all done.” Barb smiles as she starts to remove the needles from Ali’s arm.

“Oh, thanks.” Ali replies sleepily, looking over to see Jim’s chair empty and a little origami flower on the table next to her. He always leaves her one if she’s asleep when he leaves. She twirls the little flower made from blue-lined notebook paper in her hand. If someone were to tell her teenage self that at 31 her best friend would be a 78-year-old man, she would have laughed them out of town. She would have laughed at a lot of things back then, not anymore.

Polycystic Kidney Disease. It sounded fake, especially to a naïve 16 year old. What wasn’t fake was the progressively worse headaches, back pain, and eventually bloody urine that had led to battery of medical tests and revealed that her parents each carried a recessive gene for the disease. They tested her brother immediately too, but only she had been unfortunate enough to become a victim of the inherited rarity.

It wasn’t so bad at first. There were lots of medical appointments to deal with, but she started to feel a little better with some medication management. Life was pretty normal for a while. But just a week before high school graduation, it was all downhill when the cysts on both of her kidneys grew exponentially and a series of infections had crippled her with End Stage Renal Disease. There was only one option left… kidney removal.

While her friends were going off to college and starting their lives as adults, Ali was recovering from the kidney removal and fistula surgeries that would seal her fate… a life of dialysis.

Of course, she and everyone around her had fought against that fate tooth and nail. Every single person she knew had gotten tested to see if they were a match to donate a kidney to her. Even people she didn’t know had gotten tested as her family and friends shared her story on social media. Although she had never considered herself to be a particularly unlucky person, she had certainly been unlucky enough to not come up with a single match. Instead, at 19, her name went on the mile-long national donation waiting list and her life revolved around four-hour dialysis sessions three times a week.

She’s made the best of it over the years. The dialysis itself is pretty painless now with just the occasional nausea and fatigue that at first was awful. It’s mostly just a commitment that takes away the normalcies of life when you combine it with a slew of other constant medical appointments. The inability to hold down a normal job or even have a normal social life. Love life…forget about it. She used to think more optimistically on that front until a string of first dates that never led to second ones. That was followed by two girlfriends that each only lasted about three months before the realities of dating her long-term became too much for them. The last one was three years ago and she’d stopped actively trying after that.

It’s not all bad though. Not going far from her hometown of Dumfries, VA since her medical problems began has meant that she’s close to her family who have been her rock, particularly her brother Kyle. Plus she has Jim, her dialysis buddy that she met 5 years ago on the first day she started at the new dialysis center that opened in D.C. They’re on the same treatment schedule and bonded over the Price is Right that first day. They’ve been inseparable ever since.

Not being able to hold a normal job meant that she took up one of her hobbies and turned it into a career. Her first book got published 4 years ago and became a best-seller and she’s now working on her second one. Although it seems like such a cruel twist of fate to have ample money to travel the world and not really be able to travel, she holds onto the dream that maybe someday she will. Above all, she’s proud of herself. She’s strong, driven, kind, and grateful for what she has. She’s a survivor. Well…so far.

The deadline is looming. Heart problems run rampant on her Dad’s side of the family. With her early kidney problems and dialysis treatments significantly increasing her risk for heart disease, every specialist she went to predicted about 15 years of dialysis before heart problems started to develop that would make her too weak for a kidney transplant. That was 13 years ago. With even the healthiest dialysis patient only surviving an average of 20 years on dialysis alone, a kidney transplant is her only real shot at making it past 40.

She hadn’t thought that far ahead when she first got that timeline and neither did her family or friends. Why would they? No one had even considered the possibility that she’d be on the donor list that long. But here she is, still waiting. It’s not like 15 years is set in stone, it could be longer… but if she’s being honest, she can feel it.  The headaches, the awful muscle cramps, the increased tiredness. The routine medical tests show nothing unusual so far, but she can feel something coming. It doesn’t matter, she just doesn’t think about it.

Her motto: I’m here today, give everything you have. And that’s what she does, every day. She’s living her best life… _HER_ best life, not anyone else’s. She lives, she dreams, she waits.

\----------------

As soon as Barb is done unhooking her from the dialysis machine, Ali gives herself a couple minutes to stretch and wake up a bit more. She checks her phone seeing that she has four text messages from Kyle.

Prince Kyle: Hey princess, want to go see a movie with me tonight? My treat. Maybe dinner before?

Prince Kyle: You feel asleep again, didn’t you? So lazy ;-) I’m gonna buy Jim a squirt gun to keep you awake.

Prince Kyle: Allllleeeeeex! I’m bored, wake up!

Prince Kyle: Ugh, fine! Call me when you’re done. Hope it goes well and you get rest. Love you, booboo. Muah!

She shakes her head with a smile and types a quick reply before dropping her phone into her purse and starting to put her coat back on.

“Ali! Just the person I was looking for.” The familiar voice calls from the doorway.

“Hey Dr. Carter. Thought you weren’t here until next week.” Ali smiles a bit guiltily at the middle-aged woman.

“I wasn’t supposed to be, but I need to talk to you about something important.” Dr. Carter says a bit cryptically and with more formality than her usual soft friendly tone.

“Oh um… I know, I know… the fistula.” Ali concedes hesitantly. The fistula in her arm is in rough shape these days and likely needs some significant surgical repair very soon. Dr. Carter has been pressing her to take it more seriously, but she has been putting it off.

“No, no, not about that.” Dr. Carter immediately replies. “Actually, just forget about that right now. Come into my office and we’ll talk.” She motions to the door across the hallway.

Ali just nods her head and follows the doctor, the lump in her throat too big to say anything out loud. This is the moment… the heart problems… the downhill slide… it’s happening. She can feel it.

“Have a seat.” Dr. Carter sits behind her desk and motions to the chair in front of it. “Can I get you some water?”

Ali just shakes her head no, her legs feeling weak as she lowers herself into the chair. She’s not afraid necessarily. She just wants to get it over with. Once it’s over, she can find her peace with it and move on. Just like always _. I’m here today._

“So, I’m just going to say it.” Dr. Carter starts.

Ali steels herself for the moment, her hands clenched together…but the next words out of the doctor’s mouth are not at all what she expected.

“We’ve found you a donor.”


	2. The Yang

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And now that we've met Ali... let's meet the other half, shall we?
> 
> As usual, drop me a comment and let me know what you're thinking :-)

Ashlyn pushes the pain radiating up her left calf and into her knee out of her mind as her feet pound the hard pavement of the road that leads to her house. Usually she stops running as she hits the end of the beach, the soft sand much more forgiving on her joints, but today she feels like pushing the extra half mile home, pavement or not.

She takes a quick glance at her watch before unlocking the door and heading right over to the fridge for a bottle of water, taking a few long gulps and then taking a minute to let her breathing regulate a bit. She strips out of her clothes in the laundry room before walking into the master bathroom and turning on the shower.

Taking a quick glance in the mirror, she has to admit that she’s proud of what she sees. Just a year and a half ago she had crumpled to the ground knowing that her professional basketball career was over. She knew it the second she came down from what would be her last-ever jump shot and felt the snap… knew by the pain…knew by the bone protruding from her calf that there was no coming back. A complete compound fracture of her lower leg combined with a torn ACL left had her permanently limping and retired by the age of 29.

It certainly wasn’t what she envisioned, nothing in her life has been, but she isn’t exactly upset about it either. The person looking back at her in the mirror is as physically fit as she has ever been, she stands tall and proud of her accomplishments, and, if she’s being honest… she feels free. Free from obligations, free from the pressures of having to perform, and most importantly, free to start making good on the two most important promises she has ever made.

Her eyes go right to the name tattooed just under her left breast and over her heart…her fingers gently dragging over the black ink… _Christopher Ryan_. “You live in the heart you left behind. Today is for us.” She whispers quietly into the mirror in what has been a daily routine since she was 21. With that, she runs a hand through her short brown hair and steps into the shower.

\----------------

“Harris! About fucking time… thought maybe you’d run off with a new Ivanka!” Josh teases and greets her with a fist bump as she gets out of the car.

“It was Katerina, asshole. Get it right.” Ashlyn rolls her eyes at him. “Sorry I’m late. Stopped to grab us a couple coffees, they’re in the Jeep.” She motions to her car.

“Katerina, Svetlana, Anastasia, whatever dude. When are you going to get back on the sweet booty saddle?” Josh pretends to ride a horse. “It’s been like a year…do chicks get blue balls? Cause yours are probably purple by now.”

“Do we have to be gross?” Ashlyn quirks an eyebrow at him. “Think I have just a few other things to focus on at the moment, but thanks for the concern.” She looks at him pointedly.

“I know, I know. Just looking out, buddy.” He nudges her playfully before getting more seriously. “Just…I know you couldn’t see it, but that chick was a total gold digger. Not everyone out there is like that, so don’t be afraid you’ll fall into that trap again. You know what to look for now, you know?”

Ashlyn shrugs. He’s not wrong about the gold digger part. Being a professional athlete meant she was always on the go, traveling all over the place and with little time to focus on anything else but basketball. There was no time or inclination to do anything more than casual. It had never been hard for her to attract women between her butch-but-still-feminine appearance and her popularity. Quick dates and one night stands were always there when she wanted them. She did that off and on through college and early in her career, mostly just to stave off feeling lonely.

Eventually it got old and she dropped bothering altogether when she moved to Russia to play professionally there. She had met Katerina about two years later when the woman’s dog had gotten loose at nearby park and had run straight over to Ashlyn. Katerina was tall, blonde, and attractive in an effortless way. She was easy to talk to, quick with sweet words, didn’t expect much, and was willing to travel around anywhere to be with her… their shallow relationship had moved fast and had fallen apart just as quickly after Ashlyn’s injury.

“Gotta admit… I actually did see it. Just didn’t care.” Ashlyn confesses.

“Really?!” Josh’s eyes go wide. “Then why did you stay with her for so long?”  He can’t help but ask.

“I dunno. She was attentive, cheered me on, showed me off…the physical part of it was always good… I just, wasn’t alone if she was there, you know?” Ashlyn shrugs again. “I think I liked the idea of her and not so much the reality. Took me a little bit to realize that, but I’m definitely not wounded over it. It is what it is and I promise haven’t sworn off women. I just have more important things to do right now. Speaking of…”

“Yeah, I know. Just looking out for you…I promised him.” Josh says quietly.

“I know and I appreciate it. Trust me, you’re more than holding up your end of the bargain right now. Should we hit the road?” Ashlyn smiles at her brother’s best friend.

“Right-O, boss lady! Just let me go back in and pee first.” He motions to the door of his house. “Wanna come in?”

“I’m good. I’ll meet you in the car.” She replies and watches him pull up a few weeds from the small flower garden near the front door. “You want to mow the lawn before we go too?” She sarcastically calls over to him. He’s heavily tattooed with short buzzed hair, dresses like a skater boy, and rides a Harley motorcycle when his two kids aren’t with him… watching him do anything domestic has always amused her.

“Fuck off, baby Harris! You’re the one who was late!” He flips her off as he walks in the door.

Ashlyn shakes her head with a laugh and settles into the driver’s seat of her Jeep, quickly starting it up and cranking the air conditioning to battle the already oppressive humidity of a typical summer day in Florida. She grabs her coffee, but doesn’t manage to even take a sip of it before her phone is vibrating in her pocket. She sets the cup back into the cup holder and pulls the phone out of her pocket to see a number she doesn’t immediately recognize.

“Hello.” Is quickly followed by “This is she” and “Oh, wow…ok.” After that all she can do is nod her head with a few “yes” and “ok” remarks to express that she’s following along. By the end of it, all she can manage to do is to ask some basics… _when, where, who_ ….to which she gets minimal answers. Before she knows it, the call is over and her mind is spinning.  She hadn’t expected it to happen so fast and now that it has, it’s a little overwhelming. It doesn’t matter though… she’s ready… she’s been ready for 9 years.

\----------

“Well hi there, sprout!” The old man calls out from the living room as Ashlyn walks in the door.

“Hey Gramp!” Ashlyn smiles widely at him, going right over to the usual recliner he sits in and leaning down for a hug. She takes a minute to inhale the scent of cherry cola and mint that has always calmed her before letting him go.

“I thought you weren’t going to be here this weekend. Aren’t you supposed to be in Miami with Josh to check out some retail spaces? Am I going batty?” Gramp asks as he wracks his brain to remember.

“Nope, you had it right. I cancelled to start getting myself ready for a trip to D.C.” Ashlyn replies casually. “Where’s Gram?” She looks around.

“I thought you had settled on setting up somewhere in Florida?” Gramp asks in confusion and shakes his head. “I really am going batty.”

“Relax, Gramp. The plans haven’t changed. I’ll explain in a minute.” Ashlyn pats him on the shoulder. She’s about to go find her grandmother when the woman waltzes into the room with a laundry basket in her hands.

“Explain what?” Gram asks with a smile, her face falling the second she looks at Ashlyn’s face. “You got the call? When?” She drops the laundry basket on the couch.

“How the hell do you always know?!” Ashlyn asks incredulously and throws her hands up in defeat. The woman always seems to know everything, always.

“What call? When what? What is happening?!” Gramp gets out in frustration before he’s shushed by his wife. “Never let me in on anything.” He grumbles under his breath.

“You have the same look on your face as when you’re about to take an important shot… determined, excited, little nervous mixed in. Basketball is long over, so what else would be important enough to put that look on your face.” Gram replies with her hands on her hips, the worry on her face evident. “That was fast.”

“Yeah, thought it would be longer than a month….but they called, they matched me with someone.” Ashlyn replies, still a little stunned herself that it’s happening. She had started the process as soon as she was completely done rehabbing her leg and had settled back into some normalcy back home. The whole testing and approval process had taken a couple months to go through before she was officially added to the donor list. They never gave her a timeline, but only a month had passed before today’s call.

“Who is it?” Gram asks as she sits down on the couch.

“I have no idea. They can’t tell me that kind of stuff.” Ashlyn answers and plops down next to her.

“Why not?!” Gram questions loudly.

“Relax, Gram, geez. First of all, you can’t just give out people’s health information. And second, there’s always the risk that if they tell you about the person that you’ll change your mind because they’re too old or not what you had in mind. Horrible, but I’m sure it happens.” Ashlyn explains.

“Oh, yeah. I guess that makes sense.” Gram nods as she considers it. “So, what do you know then?”

“Not much. I just have to go in for another round of blood testing on Monday and a follow-up psych evaluation to make sure I’m still sure about doing it. Assuming all goes as planned…it’s scheduled for September 1st. So, two weeks from tomorrow I need to be in D.C.” Ashlyn tells her.

“Oh the kidney donation!” Gramps yells out as he finally puts it together, but is drowned out by his wife.

“D.C.?! Oh Kit, I don’t like that! That’s too far!” Gram stands up. “Who is going to take care of you? That’s too far for me or Gramp to travel. Who are we going to get to go with you?” She asks a bit frantically.

“Woah, Gram. Easy, sit down.” Ashlyn gently directs her back to the couch. “Relax for a second, ok?”

“What about Lizzy? Can she take off work, do you think? Two weeks isn’t long to prepare. Or maybe Josh, but with the kids …maybe not.” Gram keeps on rambling.

“I think Aunt Sue said she has a week of vacation coming up in September.” Gramp adds with a furrowed brow.

“Both of you…seriously, stop…chill!” Ashlyn finally belts out.

“Well you can’t just go by yourself!” Gram protests.

“Sure I can. First of all, this isn’t exactly my first rodeo with surgery. I did just fine on my own with my bum leg in Russia.” Ashlyn counters.

“You had teammates and staff around to help. That was different.” Gram raises her eyebrows.

“Listen, you know how things are around here. People work their asses off in shit jobs just to put food on the table. No one has time to take off for a week or two to take care of me. I sure as hell am not going to put anyone at risk of losing their job. And you two can’t travel that far. I’m perfectly capable of handling this on my own.” Ashlyn puts it bluntly. “The director I talked to today said that they’d have a hotel room set up for me right near the hospital. I’ll have plenty of people to help me recover while I’m in the hospital. And they’re not going to let me leave until I can do all the basics for myself. After that I’ll have two to three weeks at the hotel with a visiting nurse every day until I’m ready to go home. All of it is covered by the donation center, even meals and transportation. Really, I’ll be fine.”

“I still don’t like it.” Gram shakes her head.

“Me either.” Gramp agrees.

“I talked to Liz on my way here. She said she’d take off work for a few days and fly up if I needed her. Ok? If I need help, I’ll take her up on it.” Ashlyn concedes with a sigh.

“Ok. So, this is happening.” Gram says softly.

“This is happening.” Ashlyn confirms, her lips curling into a smile. “I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t a little scared...but it feels right. Like a weight is being lifted off.”

“Oh Kit…” Gram gently holds her granddaughter’s face and searches the warm hazel eyes that match her own. “You are such a good woman… a beautiful soul. Whoever is getting this piece of you is so lucky, they don’t even know just how lucky. I’m proud of you. He’d be so proud of you too. You’ve done right by him, honey. You always have. We love you.” She pulls a teary Ashlyn into a hug.

“Thank you. I love you guys too.” Ashlyn smiles into Gram’s shoulder.

“When you have all the stuff you want to take with you, just bring it all over here and I’ll help you put it in the suitcase. You suck at packing.” Gramp pipes up.

Ashlyn laughs and shoots him a look. That’s his way of dealing with things, to focus on the mechanical aspects. “I do not suck at packing. I just don’t fold my clothes with the perfect precision of a robot.”

“Best thing the Navy ever taught me.” Gramp says proudly. “Don’t even bother folding it, I’ll just re-do it anyway. Just bring it all over and I’ll make sure it’s perfectly packed and easy to access. Now give me one of those bear hugs.”

“Sure thing, Gramp.” Ashlyn doesn’t bother arguing as she gets up from the couch. He’s been packing her luggage since she can remember. She’s about to lean down for a hug when he pulls her into his lap.  All she can do is squirm in protest when he ruffles her perfectly styled pompadour and kisses the top of her head before pulling her close.

“I admire you more than anyone else in this world. Just promise me that while you’re out living his dream that you don’t lose sight of the things you want in life either. He wouldn’t want that. He just wanted you happy and so do we. Ok, sprout?” Gramp urges as he holds her tight.

“Promise, Gramp.” Ashlyn gives him one last squeeze before getting up.

“Well, this calls for mac and cheese and fried chicken.” Gram announces. “I’m sending you up there good and plump!”

“Spoken like a true Southerner.” Ashlyn laughs. “I was told I’ll have a strict pre-surgery diet after my appointment on Monday, but I’m all for splurging until then!”

“Pecan pie tonight too then. Let me put together a list and you can run to the store for me.” Gram pops up from the couch to busy herself.

“Let me guess… sneak you some licorice from the market?” Ashlyn whispers to Gramp as soon as her grandmother is out of earshot.

“I knew you were my favorite.” Gramp winks at her.

“I’m on it.” Ashlyn laughs as she makes her way to the kitchen to find Gram.

“Hey, sprout?” Gramp gets her attention.

“Yeah?” Ashlyn looks back over her shoulder.

“I have a good feeling about this.” He says with a smile.

“You know… I do too.” Ashlyn replies with a sense of peace.


	3. The Fusion

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all for such a warm welcome-back, so nice to get all that feedback! I'm glad you're along for the ride, so here is today's update. Let's really get this party started!

“So, are you pumped?” Kyle asks cheerily. The last two weeks have been a rollercoaster of emotion for his sister and he’s doing everything he can to keep her spirits up as she heads into surgery this morning.

“I guess.” Ali says noncommittally.

“Well…you haven’t filled me in on the inner workings of that princess power brain of yours the last few days. What’s going on up there?” He probes. Ali is mostly prepped for surgery now, but it isn’t scheduled for about another half hour, so they have a little time to kill and he’s hoping that keeping her talking will stop her from overthinking like she usually does.

“I don’t know. I’m almost in mourning a little bit. Like I’ve gotten so used to the way life has been the last 13 years. Not that it has been good, but if this works… everything will change. I feel a little oddly sad about it… not really…I don’t know. Is that weird?” Ali rambles in a mumble.

“Or maybe you just don’t know what to do with all that good health and free time you’ll have if all goes well.” Kyle suggests gently. “Means you’ll finally be able to do a lot of things you couldn’t before and maybe you feel a lot of pressure to actually do them all.”

“Yeah… shit. You’re good at this.” Ali shakes her head. He pretty much nailed it. “Why couldn’t I come up with that?”

“Cause I’m a pretty genius and you’re just pretty.” He tries to lighten the mood.

“But also… what if it doesn’t work? I’m terrified of that too.” Ali ignores his joke.

“Oh booboo, you can’t control that. It’s an amazing chance at a new life and if it doesn’t work, it will be no fault of your own. And just because it’s your first chance doesn’t mean it will be your last either. Control what you can and stay positive. Be the bad ass chick you have always been and you’ll come out on top. You won’t be any worse off than you are right now even if it doesn’t work. Besides, this person is a complete donor match for you…the odds are majorly in your favor.” Kyle goes for realistic optimism.

“I know. Thank you. Just needed a little pep talk.” Ali smiles and reaches for his hand.

“Anytime, princess. My middle name is pep talk.” Kyle squeezes her hand.

“Actually it’s Johnson, but sure.” Ali teases, knowing he hates his middle name.

“Ugh, had to say it, didn’t you?!” Kyle rolls his eyes dramatically. “I mean what the hell did mom and dad expect but an uber gay son when they gave me penis slang for a middle name?”

“Well if that’s the criteria for being gay, shouldn’t my middle name be like Snatch or Cooter or something?” Ali plays back.

“Girl, I just love you!” Kyle belly laughs. “Alex Cooter Krieger. Heck yes!”

“Has a nice ring to it.” Ali giggles.

“Annnyway. So, did they tell you anything about the donor yet?” Kyle inquires.

“Not a thing. I signed the paperwork that waived my right to stay anonymous. Dr. Carter said that if the donor did the same thing, then we’d meet today just before the surgery in the pre-op room. They prefer to do the surgeries in adjoining rooms, but if one person requests anonymity then they use completely separate operating areas.” Ali explains.

“Makes sense. Are you hoping you’ll get to meet them?” Kyle asks.

“Definitely. I’m a little nervous about it, and maybe it will be awkward…but I want to know. I’m just so intrigued. I mean, who just randomly donates a kidney to someone they don’t know?” Ali muses out loud.

“No idea, but I want to give them the biggest damn hug on the planet right now.” Kyle says a little emotionally.

“Yeah…I guess I just want the opportunity to say thank you too. There are some pretty amazing people in this world and I hope I get to meet the one that is…fingers crossed…about to save my life.” Ali adds.

“Any guesses?” Kyle raises an eyebrow and tries to steer things into a less intense direction again.

“I have no idea. If I have to take a guess, I’m gonna say, like 35 year old military guy or something like that. Maybe someone who is trying to honor a fallen buddy or something. Brave and a little reckless. I don’t know.” Ali takes a wild guess.

“As good a guess as any.” Kyle considers it. “I’m gonna go with middle-aged mom who lost a kid or something like that.”

“Morbid, but not a bad guess.” Ali shrugs.

“Well, if it is a guy, it’ll be the first one you’ve ever let into your palace!” Kyle barely keeps a straight face before he bursts out laughing.

“You are so vile!” Ali smacks his arm.

“Hi honey, you doing okay? Daddy and I just went over everything with Dr. Carter again. She says she’ll be in here in about 15 minutes to take you to the pre-op room.” Ali’s mom strolls into the room with her dad in tow.

“Pretty sure I already did all that, Mom.” Ali shakes her head.

“Now Alex, you’re only 31… you can’t possibly take care of your own health like you have been for years.” Kyle deadpans.

“You two stop sassing me! I’m a nervous wreck over here.” Deb warns with a sigh.

“They have a point.” Ken puts his hands on her shoulders.

“Not you too.” Deb gives her ex-husband a pointed look and watches him put his hands up.

“Easy, Deb-Deb. I’ll be fine, Mom. Really. This a great day and we all have to remember what it took to get here and how this is just one more step to a better life.” Ali calmly puts it into perspective even though her mind is racing with an array of conflicted thoughts.

“I know, baby girl… I know.” Deb smiles and sits on the edge of the bed. “I bought you some stylish comfy pjs for when you’re settled and feel up to changing into them.” She immediately moves to her more typical best-friend mom mode.

“Oh, and I have your mascara ready to go as soon you’re done!” Kyle pats his pocket.

“And I brought your iPad, headphones, and all your chargers.” Ken holds up the bag in his hands.

“See, now that’s what I’m talking about! Team Krieger on three!” Ali smiles and holds her hand out to lead the little cheer.

“Well, I guess it’s game time then!” Dr. Carter jokes as she walks in on the family’s ‘Team Krieger’ chant. “Ready, Ali?”

“Absolutely.” Ali nods and gets hugs and from both of her parents before only Kyle is left behind.

“Good luck, booboo. Love you so much…this is going to be the best day ever.” Kyle reminds her.

“Love you too… and damn right it is!” Ali tries to find her confidence as Kyle gives her a hug and kisses her forehead.

“Oh!” Kyle pokes his head back into the doorway. “If your military kidney hero is a stud… don’t forget to mention that your brother is single, gay, well hung, and sexy.” Kyle winks and gives her one last thumbs up.

“Your family is the best.” Dr. Carter says with a laugh at Kyle’s comment.

“I’ll remind you that you said that when my Mom is in your office all week asking a bazillion questions.” Ali teases.

“Eh, comes with the job.” Dr. Carter plays back. “Alright, so… I’m going to go get scrubbed in and ready while they get you set up in the other pre-op area. Any other questions before the nurse comes to take you in?”

“Nope. I’m ready.” Ali says resolutely. “Been ready for years.”

\----------------

“How’s that happy juice working for you, Ashlyn?” Gina the operating room nurse asks when she sees the glazed-over look on the short-haired brunette’s face.

“Little better now, thank you.” Ashlyn replies with a sincere smile, her eyes leaving the ceiling tiles that she’s been studying for the last 15 minutes.

“Good. You look a little less nervous at least.” Gina squeezes Ashlyn’s arm gently in support before doing a quick check of her vitals.

Ashlyn lets out a slow, deep breath and does her best to relax. There are only two things in life that rattle her, fire and hospitals. Both remind her of death and hurt. Despite trying her best to stay focused on the reason she is here, the anxiety had kicked in pretty quick at the sound of the various beeping machines and antiseptic smell. The two needle sticks it had taken to get her IV placed hadn’t helped either. Luckily, the operating room nurse had seen past her brave façade and gotten the anesthesiologist to give her something to relax while she waited in the pre-op room. Even though she’s not quite calm, her brain feels just fuzzy enough to not care so much about her surroundings at the moment.

“I feel like I’ve had a couple stiff drinks, so thank you.” Ashlyn lets out a little laugh.

“Anytime. You just tell us what you need and we’ll do what we can.” Gina smiles as she writes down the reading from the blood pressure machine. “Besides, wouldn’t want you to be a total spaz when you meet your kidney recipient in a few minutes.” She adds teasingly.

“Oh…” Ashlyn lifts her head a bit, already having forgotten that it was a likely possibility to meet the person just before surgery. She had signed her end of the anonymity waiver, but there had been no guarantee that the recipient would sign theirs. She hadn’t gotten her hopes up, but now her heart pounds in her chest at the thought. “I kind of forgot about that. So, I’ll meet the person?” She asks to confirm.

“Yep. The other OR nurse said they were heading over from the other prep room just before I came in here.” Gina replies matter-of-factly just as the door opens with a buzzing clang. “Speaking of…”

Ashlyn doesn’t even have time to process or prepare before there’s another hospital bed wheeled up next to hers, the most marvelous cinnamon brown eyes looking back at her with a beaming smile that renders her incapacitated.

She blinks a few times, trying to shake the fog from her head to make sure she’s seeing right. She had hoped for a young child with a whole life ahead of them, but had steeled herself for an older person trying to get a few more years. She hadn’t in a million years expected this… a vibrant, shining, teeming with energy that she can almost feel pulsating through the air, beautiful, absolutely breath-taking woman about her age.

Her eyes are glued to the vision in front of her, everything else in the room disappearing but that radiant smile as she desperately tries to recall ever feeling so instantly drawn to someone like this. She has no idea if it has been seconds or minutes, but a hand is suddenly thrust out to her and a sweet mumble breaks her thoughts… “Hi, I’m Ali Krieger.”

She reaches out to take the hand, buying herself a couple seconds to pull herself together. Her brain puts together the words “Ashlyn Harris” but all that comes out of her mouth is a little gasp as a warm hand closes around her own and a tingly heat shoots up her arm that makes the air go out of her lungs.

\----------

Although she’s been jittery from the moment she was admitted this morning, as soon the doors to the pre-op room open Ali finds herself suddenly overcome by a feeling of excitement…like she’s about to embark on an adventure.

As soon as her bed is through the doors, her eyes start scanning the room and immediately fall on a fully tattooed arm being held in the hand of a nurse taking a pulse. She tries to look around the nurse a bit, but is only able to catch a brief glimpse of a head which sports a short haircut so perfect that even her hairdresser brother would envy it. It’s not much to go on, but those two things bring a smirk to her face at how accurate her military guy guess was and a little laugh forms in the back of her throat at the thought of the last thing Kyle said to her…only for that little laugh to die right there when the nurse steps away and a head pops up from the bed beside her.

Perfect skin with feminine but angular facial features, a strong jawline and defined cheekbones that stand out but are somehow still soft. Hazel eyes with swirls of green that look back into her own. All of it accentuated with short-cropped, light-brown hair that is styled into a perfect pompadour which fades down to skin at the neckline. This is without a doubt the most stunning woman she has ever laid eyes on.

Butterflies immediately form in her stomach as she tries to decipher the woman’s expression… stunned, maybe nervous, she can’t quite read it. Something about her is so familiar but yet so mysterious at the same time. Suddenly she realizes that she must be staring and her own nervousness directs her actions before she can even think on it… her hand reaching out in greeting as she utters “Hi, I’m Ali Krieger” in what has to be the bubbliest voice she’s ever heard come out of her own mouth.

The woman shakes her hand and her heart rate picks up at the electric feeling of the gentle-but-firm touch, her body reacting before her mind can catch up. She’s waiting desperately to hear the name of her striking savior, but she gets nothing but a soft gasp and the same unreadable expression as her hand continues to be held in a handshake that is now bordering on awkwardly long.

“Not what you were expecting?” The words are out of her mouth so fast she almost doesn’t realize she said anything. She’s never this forward with people she doesn’t know and she can only chalk it up to the odd situation and her edginess.

\---------------

“Sorry… uh… I’m Ashlyn Harris.” Ashlyn quickly snaps out of it and starts to pull her hand away but finds that the brunette holds it there and entwines their fingers. As much as it’s making her brain fuzzy and her body feel weak, the touch is incredibly soothing… a warm fusion where she can’t feel which fingers are her own.  “And seeing as how I prepared myself for someone who was like 70, you’re not at all what I was expecting.” She adds with a smile in an attempt to act normal.

“Well, I look great for 60, but I’m definitely not 70 yet.” The brunette replies evenly with a little smile and Ashlyn feels her eyes go wide even as she tries to hide her shock.

“I’m kidding!” The brunette lets out a sweet laugh that Ashlyn swears finds its way right into her soul and settles there like a warm blanket. “Oh my god, your face when I said that…priceless! I’m 31, geez.” The brunette continues to laugh lightly and Ashlyn feels herself settle down a bit.

“Oh god… I am so sorry!” Ashlyn shakes her head and chuckles at her own gullibility. “I was a little nervous and they gave me something to relax me… kind of feel like I’m tipsy or something. I swear I’m not usually this slow.” She tries to redeem herself.

“Well, that’s not fair! You started the party without me!” The brunette fake pouts. “What does a girl have to do to get a cocktail around here?”

Ashlyn laughs and feels her whole mood lighten at the playful banter, her body relaxing. This woman is really something.

“Speaking of, the anesthesiologist is here and ready to get things going. Would you like me take a picture on your phones before we turn them off and stow them in the lockbox under your beds?” The OR nurse pipes up.

“Definitely!” The brunette says quickly and smiles over at her. Ashlyn smiles back warmly and nods.

The two of them grin widely and lean in as close as they can from their beds, hands still held between them as the nurse snaps a few pictures on each of their phones before turning them off and stowing them.

The anesthesiologist then gives them a quick rundown of the sedation he is going to administer and what to expect before he starts prepping Ashlyn’s IV first.

Ashlyn lays her head back on her pillow as the anesthesiologist flushes her IV line. She quietly lets out a deep breath and feels a squeeze on her hand.

“Hey, Ashlyn…” The brunette’s soft voice cuts through the quiet and Ashlyn picks her head up to look over at her. The look in the beautiful brown eyes locked onto hers is emotional and conveys so much gratitude that she knows what is coming next.

“No. I’m superstitious. Don’t jinx it.” Ashlyn blurts out before the brunette can utter the ‘thank you’ that she knows is imminent. “We can do that another time.” She adds more gently with a meaningful smile, getting a teary smile and nod back from the beautiful brunette before laying her head back down on the pillow.

“Good luck, Ashlyn.” The brunette’s voice calls out again with another squeeze on her hand.

“You too, Ali.” Ashlyn replies back softly, giving her hand a squeeze back. Never has her name sounded so good on someone’s lips before and she could listen to it forever. That’s her last thought before the ceiling tiles start floating and her eyes close.


	4. The Check-In

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all so much for all the great comments, you sure know how to make a girl feel loved! I'm getting this next chapter out nice and early today. I'm not sure I'll get another one out until tomorrow, but maybe late tonight if I can find the time. Let's see how this surgery went...
> 
> As always, I love hearing from you and thanks for reading :-)

“Oh, excellent! You’re awake!” Ashlyn is slightly startled by a woman with shoulder-length gray hair that just walked into her hospital room. Based on her outfit of jeans and a t-shirt, she definitely isn’t a nurse or a doctor. Ashlyn is about to ask who she is, but the woman is already talking again.

“How are you, honey? I’m going to be honest and say that you don’t look so good and you’ve been sleeping every time I’ve stopped in over the last two days.” The woman gives her a sympathetic look followed by a little smile. “Are you okay? Is there anything I can get for you? Alex is allowed to eat regular food now, so I brought you a sandwich too in case you can eat it.”

“Um, I’m okay.” Ashlyn starts to answer despite being completely befuddled. “I’m sorry…I think you have the wrong room or person or something.”

“Oh gosh, I’m sorry! You have no idea who I am and I haven’t introduced myself. I’m Deb, Alex’s mom.” The woman introduces herself and holds out her hand.

“Alex?” Ashlyn questions still confused as she slowly shakes the woman’s hand.

“Yes, Alex Krieger… the one you so heroically gave a kidney to. That Alex.” Deb says with a smile.

“Oh!” Ashlyn finally realizes and immediately feels dumb. She could have sworn the woman told her that her name was Ali, but given how loopy she was at the time who knows what she remembered accurately from before the surgery. “I’m sorry…duh… you two actually look alike from what I can remember of her. I should’ve realized.” Ashlyn rambles before the current situation fully dawns on her and the topic hot on her mind pops right out. “How is she? Did it go well? Is she ok? They haven’t told me anything when I’ve asked other than all is normal.” Ashlyn’s head pops up off her pillow enthusiastically.

“Easy, honey. Don’t hurt yourself. They wouldn’t tell us much about you either, but I’m a good detective and found your room. I’ve just been waiting for you to be awake.” Deb smiles warmly. “Alex is fine. Doing great actually! She’s only about 8 rooms down the hallway. And well… she seems to be leaps and bounds ahead of you right now.  So the question is, are _you_ ok?”

“That’s good. I’m so glad she’s good.” Ashlyn says with obvious relief. Whenever she hasn’t been sleeping the last couple days, it’s all she can think about. She feels a little selfish about the thought, but all she had wanted from the start of this was for this kidney to work for someone. After meeting its actual recipient, that feeling had only grown stronger.

“I’ll admit I’m really not feeling my best, but everything is normal and this is par for the course from what they told me. According to the doc, losing a kidney is far worse than gaining one apparently.” Ashlyn shrugs it off. “I’m doing fine though, thank you for asking and checking in. I really appreciate it.” She adds gratefully.

She had woken up from surgery in the worst pain she had ever felt in her life, and seeing as how she went through some pretty intense surgeries and rehab for her leg, that was saying something. Her lower back and abdomen have felt like someone was twisting a hot knife in there. She’s done pretty much nothing but sleep the last couple of days, barely staying awake long enough to eat some toast that the nurses have practically force fed her so she can have pain medication. This morning had been no picnic when they removed her catheter and made her walk to the bathroom and back, but despite still feeling really weak and in pain, she feels the slightest bit better this afternoon.

“Of course! Sweetheart, no matter how this whole things turns out…there isn’t a thing in the world I wouldn’t do for you. I know you don’t know me or my family, but you mean so much to us, please know that.” Deb says sincerely and leans forward to gently pat Ashlyn’s shoulder.

“Oh, uh… thank you. Glad I could, uh… help.” Ashlyn says awkwardly as her eyes shift downward, her humble nature never knowing how to act in situations like this, especially one with as much emotional magnitude as this one.

“Sorry, I’ll stop. I don’t want to make you uncomfortable.” Deb promises. “Has anyone come to visit you?” She asks as she looks around the room and sees no flowers, balloons cards, snacks…nothing to suggest anyone had been there outside of hospital staff.

“No, I’m actually from Florida and I traveled up here on my own. The only close family I have are my grandparents and they can’t travel much.” Ashlyn divulges even though that’s more information than most people ever get from her. “But I’ve talked to them on the phone already.” She adds.

“Well, if it’s not too weird, we’re gonna change that right now. I’ll be checking in on you and please, anything you need, just ask. I’ll be really upset if you don’t.” Deb playfully points a finger at her and keeps it light despite wanting to just hug this amazing woman that not only gave her daughter a kidney, but traveled alone to do it.

“I appreciate that, thank you. Really, it’s very sweet of you.” Ashlyn concedes right away. She can see how much it means to the woman.

“Are you able to eat? I brought you the same turkey club sandwich that I got for Alex, but I don’t know if you’ll eat that or if you’re a vegetarian. I can easily go get something else.” Deb points to the brown paper bag she set down on the tray table.

“That’s perfect, thank you so much!” Ashlyn says happily. “I’ve been allowed to eat normally since yesterday morning, but really haven’t been hungry at all until now. That sandwich sounds like heaven and I’m sure the nurse is going to be thrilled she’s not force feeding me toast. Really, thank you.”

“You’re so very welcome, honey. I’ll keep bringing you whatever I bring Alex. Just let me know if there are things you don’t eat.” Deb smiles widely.

“I eat just about anything, but you really don’t have to do that…I mean it.” Ashlyn replies.

“I want to. End of story.” Deb assures her. “I’m going to let you relax and eat, but I will definitely be back. Take care of yourself. My cell and home phone numbers are on this sheet of paper.” Deb places a piece of paper near the bedside table. “Call or text me anytime for absolutely anything.”

“Ok, promise. Thank you, Deb. You’re really kind to do this.” Ashlyn says appreciatively.

“Don’t even get me started on kindness…” Deb warns her playfully again with a meaningful look.

“Ok, ok.” Ashlyn acknowledges with a smile. “Will you tell Alex I said hi? That I’m glad she’s doing well.”

“I sure will. And I’ll stop in again on my way out tonight.” Deb promises and lightly runs her hand over Ashlyn’s shoulder. “Feel better, sweetheart. We’re rooting for both of our girls.” She says emotionally before giving Ashlyn a little wave and heading out the door, leaving the short-haired woman a bit speechless at that last part.

\-------------

“Thank god, I’m starving!” Ali digs right into the bag her mother placed on the bed and takes a huge bite of sandwich. “Mmm, thankfhyou.” She adds with a mouth full of food.

“Geez, you’re like a rabid animal… ravenous. Don’t think I’ve ever seen you eat as much as you have in the last 48 hours.” Kyle comments and watches Ali shrug while she takes another huge bite.

“You took a long time, did you get stuck in traffic?” Ali asks Deb as soon as she swallows her bite of food.

“No, no. Just stopped in to check on Ashlyn and bring her a sandwich too. She says hi by the way and is glad you’re doing well.” Deb says casually.

“You what?!” Ali sits up in the bed even more with wide eyes and a tiny wince at the fast movement, the bit of sandwich she just took falling out of her mouth. “How is she? Is she okay? Was it weird? I can’t believe you just went in there.” She gets out in an eager mumble as Kyle snickers quietly to himself.

“Of course I went in there!” Deb waves off her daughter. “When they wouldn’t tell us anything about how she was doing, I practically harassed one of the nurses for an hour until she finally told me what room. I’ve checked in a few times over the last couple days, but she has been asleep every time. Today she was finally awake.”

“God, Mom! Why didn’t you tell me?!” Ali throws her hands up.

“Because I knew you’d be all embarrassed.” Deb shoots her a pointed look.

“I’m not embarrassed.” Ali challenges.

“Sure, honey…tell that to your red face.” Deb counters and gets a sigh from Ali while Kyle looks on in amusement. “Anyway, she says she’s okay, but she really doesn’t look so good to me and with all that sleeping…I don’t know. She said that the doctor told her that recovering from losing a kidney is worse than receiving one, but I think I’m going to check in with Dr. Carter about that. Did you know she traveled all the way here from Florida and doesn’t have anyone here to visit or care for her? The poor thing. I told her that she damn well better tell me when she needs something and that I’ll keep checking in on her.” She puts it all out there. “She’s just down the hallway a few rooms, in 312.”

“Geez…” Ali whispers quietly, the sandwich sitting on her lap long forgotten. “Did not know that. We didn’t get much time to talk before surgery.” Ali lets a few more quiet moments pass. “Thanks, mama bear…for doing that. It’s really nice of you.”

“Of course, honey. Think we all know that no matter how much of a stranger she is to us, she’s no stranger at all now. We go the extra mile for her just like for all of our family.” Deb says resolutely, getting nods of agreement from Ali and Kyle.

“Maybe don’t pry with talking to Dr. Carter though, she really might not like that.” Ali suggests.

“Well, I’m not going to pry about anything specific. I just want to know some general medical information so we can understand better what she is going through. I won’t ask anything directly about her, promise.” Deb assures her. “And I made sure she was ok with me checking in on her and she said she was. Seeing as how she doesn’t have anyone else, might be good to know what we might able to do to help her.”

“Ok.” Ali agrees, guilt settling in her gut about the fact that she’s feeling pretty good and Ashlyn clearly isn’t.

“Do you want more orange juice? I can go get some from the nurse’s station.” Deb offers at seeing the empty pitcher.

“Yeah, thanks Mom.” Ali replies with a smile.

 

“Ok, what the hell was that? Spill, booboo!” Kyle crosses his arms and shoots Ali a look the second Deb is out of the room.

“What was what?” Ali scrunches up her forehead.

“Oh come on! You weren’t even that eager to find out information when you were waiting to hear if your book was going to get published. So, really…what the hell was that?” Kyle raises his eyebrows. “You’ve told me nothing about this girl outside of she was really nice, about your age, with perfect hair and tattoos, but clearly there’s more to it. What’s up, Alex?”

“Nothing is up, that’s all I know about her.” Ali dismisses him.

“Alex…” Kyle gives her a knowing look that makes it clear he’s not dropping it.

“Ugh, fine. I don’t know, ok?” Ali huffs in defeat. “Have you ever looked at someone and just felt connected in some weird way? Like you just needed to know everything about them as if it’s the secret to the universe?” She tries to explain the feeling of locking eyes with Ashlyn, the touch of her hand.

“Sort of…maybe not. I get what you’re saying though.” Kyle mulls it over.

“Well, it was that.” Ali says pensively. “Like I feel desperate to just know her and some part of me feels like I do… it’s just…weird.”

“Hmmm.” Kyle thinks it over before shooting his sister a devious smile. “Well then, maybe you should have told her that _you_ were single, sexy, and have a nice rack.” He bursts out in a little laugh.

“Not helpful, ass.” Ali narrows her eyes at him. “It’s not like that… I think…I don’t know. It’s complicated.”

“No, it’s not.” Kyle says simply and Ali just gives him a confused look. “No matter what it is, pretty sure the woman who just gave you a kidney is worth knowing. Right?”

“Yeah, obviously.” Ali replies.

“See, not complicated.” Kyle reiterates. “Sooo, you walked the halls today and sat up for over an hour. Tomorrow you get to shower…”

“So?” Ali looks at him in confusion.

“So, I’ll do your hair and make-up. You’ll put on those cute pjs and walk that perfectly firm butt down the hall to visit her during your ‘sit up’ time.” Kyle suggests with a smile. “Let me tell you a secret. If you want to know things about people, you gotta ask. So, tomorrow…go visit and go ask, Alex.”

“Hmmm yeah, think I will.” Ali tries hard to hold back her beaming grin at the thought so that Kyle doesn’t make fun of her.

“Damn right you will, princess. Now, tell me more about this perfect hair of hers.” Kyle sasses and gets his sister’s signature eye roll.


	5. The Promise

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ok, here's where it really starts to get interesting....
> 
> As usual, thanks for reading and let me know what you think :-)

Ashlyn settles back into her bed after the latest torture walk to use the bathroom and pulls the covers up just above her waist before raising the back of the bed a bit even though her mid-section hurts incrementally worse as the incline rises. She’s determined to stay awake longer today even if it means having to tolerate the pain to do it. She grabs the latest copy of Inked magazine and settles in to read some of the articles that initially caught her eye when she picked it out at the airport. She’s doesn’t even make it one sentence into the first article before she hears a light knock at the door.

She lifts her eyes from the page, expecting to see Deb since she said last night that she’d be by this afternoon. Instead her back lifts right off the mattress, sitting up completely at the surprise of the face she sees. “Alex! Hey!” Her voice cracks a bit.

She’s expecting a smile, a greeting, something in return…but the brunette is just standing in the doorway looking beautiful but very stunned. “You ok? Did I say something wrong?” Ashlyn asks quietly, trying to understand the look on the brunette’s face.

“Oh, no! Sorry!” Ali quickly gets out with a smile, shaking her head like she’s snapping herself out of a daze and slowly walking towards the bed. “It’s just that only my close family has ever called me Alex, so it totally threw me off for a second. So hi, how are you?” She says with a little laugh.

“Oh geez, I’m sorry! See, I knew you said your name was Ali, but then your mom has been calling you Alex and I was so loopy from the medication before the surgery that I second guessed my own memory. Sorry, Ali.” Ashlyn says apologetically.

“No, no…don’t be sorry at all. That’s why I was just shaking my head at myself. I literally have your kidney inside me right now, pretty sure you’re among those that get to call me Alex. So, call me Alex…feels right.” Ali says sweetly, the emotion in her tone evident.

“Ok. Are you sure? You never know, I could turn out to be a total asshole and you might regret it.” Ashlyn says a bit teasingly.

“I’ll take my chances.” Ali smiles. “Kind of why I came. I have like an hour of “sit up” time right now and I thought maybe we could get to know each other a little… if you want to. Or at least I can tell you about me and make sure you know I won’t take what you did here for granted.” She says shyly.

Ashlyn nods, trying to form the right words for the situation. Something about being around this woman just makes her feel relaxed. So, she immediately stops overthinking and just lets whatever is on her mind come out. “I’d like that. But two things…”

“Ok…” Ali replies expectantly.

“First, it’s ‘sit up’ time, not ‘stand up’ time. So, please sit and we can call the nurse in if you need more pillows and stuff.” Ashlyn smiles and points to the chair beside the bed.

Ali just nods with another little laugh, completely charmed that Ashlyn is thinking of her wellness first and foremost. “And second?” She asks as soon as she’s done gingerly lowering herself into the chair.

“Well, if we’re gonna be friends… I don’t handle people feeling like they’re indebted to me very well. I get that this is a pretty unique situation, but it’s going to be weird if we’re constantly in a place where you feel like you owe me something. Especially since I had my own selfish reasons for doing it. So, how about I give you one chance, Alex. You get one thank you and then we’re done with it. Ok?” Ashlyn suggests gently.

“That’s fair.” Ali agrees. “Can I pick my moment for said ‘thank you’? Promise I won’t wait too long to do it.”

“Absolutely.” Ashlyn smiles at her widely and does her best to settle back against the mattress, the pain really hitting her as she does.

Ali watches the short-haired woman’s face light up in a gorgeous smile, a single dimple appearing on her cheek that makes her heartrate spike a bit. The moment is fleeting though as Ashlyn’s face suddenly scrunches in pain. “Oh no, are you ok?” Ali asks worriedly and sees Ashlyn wave her off. “Geez, you really are in rough shape, aren’t you? What can I do?”

“I’m ok…ugh…just need a minute.” Ashlyn says through gritted teeth and tries to breathe, her eyes closing tightly. It’s also the moment she realizes that Ali looks perfectly showered and primped while her own hair is all greasy and probably a mess. She cringes at the thought, but there isn’t much she can do about it now. When she opens her eyes a couple minutes later, Ali is staring at her warmly with eyes that house concern, her bottom lip between her teeth as if she’s trying to hold something back.

“Can I just say that I am so damn impressed that you walked to my room and are sitting here right now. Cause I can barely make it to the bathroom and back without keeling over.” Ashlyn smiles through the pain as it starts to get down to a tolerable level.

“I’m an overachiever like that.” Ali jokes. “I kinda thought we’d be going through pretty much the same thing. I should have known from my own past kidney surgery that it would be worse for you.” She frowns.

“No biggie, I’m just a few days behind you recovery wise. Or so the doctor tells me. So, I look forward to prancing the hallways and washing this grease-ball hair of mine. I swear, I normally practice good hygiene.” Ashlyn keeps the mood light. “So, really…how are you feeling?”

“Well, thanks to you, I peed for the first time in 13 years yesterday. So I’d say life is pretty damn good.” Ali jokes. “Really, I’m feeling good.”

“Wow, really? You seriously haven’t peed in that long?” Ashlyn questions in surprise.

“Yep. You need kidneys to pee. I got mine removed just before I turned 18 and have been on dialysis ever since.” Ali answers matter-of-factly.

“Hmmm, never thought about that.” Ashlyn admits. “Less money spent on toilet paper at least.”

“I still poop, Ashlyn.” It’s out of Ali’s mouth before she can stop herself. “Oh my god, sorry!” She buries her face in her hands. “I have actually never said something like that out loud before…ever. Wow, I’m just gonna blame the meds and die of embarrassment.”

“Ha! Well we’re never gonna be friends if you can’t handle a good poop joke!” Ashlyn belly laughs and immediately groans in pain.

“How about we save the poop jokes for when you can actually laugh, ok?” Ali replies, the look of concern back on her face.

“Deal.” Ashlyn works to breathe again.

“You ok? Anything I can do?” Ali checks in with her.

“Distract me? You said you wanted to tell me about yourself… I’d love to know you, Alex.” Ashlyn says sweetly.

“You got it.” Ali smiles and thinks about where to start as Ashlyn just looks at her attentively. “Well, I’m 31 and was born and raised in Dumfries, Virginia and still live there. And no, I don’t live with my parents even though I stay at their house a lot.” She says proudly.

“An achievement at any age.” Ashlyn smiles. “Go on.”

“Everything was pretty normal growing up until I hit 16. I started having a lot of back pain, headaches, stuff like that. I ran track in high school, so I figured maybe I had really injured a back muscle or something. Then the bloody urine started and I finally went to see a doctor. Turns out that I had a rare form of genetic Polycystic Kidney Disease. We had no idea my parents were carriers. My brother was lucky enough not to get it.” Ali explains.

“You have a brother?” Ashlyn hones in on that fact.

“Yeah, Kyle…he’s a year older. Pretty much my best friend and an uber gay diva who is a hair stylist for a living. I’m sure you’ll meet him at some point and you can bet he’ll want to cut your hair. Fades are his specialty. ” Ali replies with a smile.

“Oh, well then… I’m gonna have to cash in on that.” Ashlyn replies as she runs her hand through her hair.

“He’ll be thrilled.” Ali replies.

“Sorry to interrupt.” Ashlyn gets them back on track.

“No worries, interrupt all you want.” Ali assures her. “So, it was fine for a while…just a lot of medication, but manageable for about a year before I developed so many cysts and infections that they had to get rid of my kidneys. That’s what I meant before about having a prior surgery almost like yours.”

Ashlyn nods to signal that she’s following along.

“Then I had a surgery to get a fistula placed for dialysis.” Ali raises her right arm slightly and lifts her sleeve a bit so Ashlyn can see what she is talking about. “Sorry, I know it’s gross.”

“Don’t do that.” Ashlyn says seriously and watches Ali’s face contort into confusion before immediately softening her tone. “I’m not saying you can’t dislike things on your body…I have things about my own I dislike. But don’t apologize to anyone for it. That right there…” She points to the snake-like protrusion under the skin of Ali’s forearm. “That’s a symbol that you’ve struggled and fought so hard to survive. You’re a survivor, an amazing one. And it’s the most beautiful thing in the world. Don’t ever apologize for that to anyone.”

Ali nods, a bit in shock at the powerful statement. “Wow, so you really are valiant and chivalrous to the very core, aren’t you? Can’t say I’ve ever met anyone quite like you, but I’m glad I have now. Thanks for saying that, puts a new perspective on it.”

“Only speaking the truth.” Ashlyn tries to hide the blush she knows is on her cheeks.

“Yeah well, it’s doing wonders for my ego.” Ali giggles.

“Mission accomplished then.” Ashlyn smiles and motions for Ali to continue.

“So, anyway… I’ve been on dialysis sessions of 3 to 4 hours, three times a week ever since then. We tested my whole family, all my friends, and any stranger that was willing to get tested for a donation match. No one was a match and I’ve been on the donor list since I was 19. I was given 15 years before dialysis increased my likelihood for heart problems that would make me too weak for a kidney transplant surgery. It has been 13 years since then. So, Ashlyn…you’ve saved my life.” Ali says with a teary smile.

“What did I say about jinxing it, Alex?” Ashlyn raises an eyebrow at her.

“I’m not. It feels really good. It feels like something is right. I’m telling you, this is working and it’s going to keep working. And if it doesn’t, it still means you saved my life, even if just for a few more days.” Ali smiles at her meaningfully, moving on before she makes the short-haired woman any more uncomfortable. “So, that has pretty much been my life.”

“Geez, that is a long time to wait for a kidney and having to go through what you have for so long… incredible.” Ashlyn muses. “But, while I appreciate the rundown on your kidney...I was hoping to get to know _you_. What do you do when you’re not hooked up to dialysis?”

Ali practically falls out of her chair at the question. Most people lump her and her disease together. It’s become her identity in many ways, so much a part of her that she doesn’t always know who she is without it. Ashlyn’s question settles deep inside her heart, grateful that she’s met someone who realizes that there’s more under the surface and who wants to understand it. Her own family doesn’t even do that sometimes. She’s so taken aback she doesn’t even know where to start.

“Oh um…well, I don’t have all that much time outside of taking care of my health. And I’m pretty limited in terms of traveling around. But, I’m a writer.” Ali replies with what she is most passionate about.

“That’s so cool. What kind of writer? Like poetry, journalism, blogs?” Ashlyn asks, clearly intrigued.

“Books. Fiction. Well, one book so far.” Ali responds.

“Wow, really? Anything I might have read?” Ashlyn delves deeper.

“Probably not. I don’t know. It was published 4 years ago and made it as a best-seller.” Ali shrugs like it’s no big deal. “It’s called ‘Here Today’.” She barely gets the name of the title out before Ashlyn is squealing.

“Get the fuck out! No way! Holy crap, seriously?!” Ashlyn yells out in disbelief. She had read the book three years ago while traveling with her pro basketball team. She had connected with it deeply even though the story itself had no obvious relevance to her. The emotions of the main character had struck her hard and allowed her to work through some things in her life that she had struggled with for years.

“Um, yeah. Wait, you’ve actually read it?” Ali asks with her own surprise.

“Read it? You have no idea. That book was a game changer for me. I mean it. Not sure if you can reach my bag near the table there, but if you can…look inside the front pocket.” Ashlyn points to a small black backpack sitting near the floor.

It takes a little effort, but Ali reaches down enough to open the zipper and pull out a copy of her book. It’s well worn, obviously been read through more than a few times with some page corners folded down as place markers.

“What are the chances?” Ashlyn muses out loud.

“Seriously.” Ali whispers in agreement, still looking down at the book. She’s not one to believe in fate, but this is one of those moments when it’s hard not to.

“I can’t believe I didn’t realize when you first introduced yourself.” Ashlyn shakes her head. “I’ve read it enough times that you’d think I would recognize your name right away.”

“Oh…um…” Ali holds up the book and points to the author name printed in medium-sized gold letters on the front cover… _A.K. Henley_. “I write under a pseudonym. Given the story, I didn’t want people to find out about my own life and try to draw parallels that aren’t there. I didn’t want the story of my illness to get in the way of how people perceived the story, you know?”

“Makes sense. I get where the A.K. comes from… Henley?” Ashlyn questions.

“My grandmother’s maiden name.” Ali divulges.

“So, the main character is not based on your personal life then?” Ashlyn wonders, knowing the main character was terminally ill.

“Emotionally yes, to some extent. All the rest, complete fiction.” Ali reveals.

“So, you’re not a widow then? No ill husband?” Ashlyn probes since it was the basis of the story.

“Oh god no!” Ali laughs. “Sooo totally not married. And certainly no husband. A couple of flakey girlfriends who couldn’t handle my baggage, but that’s about it.” Ali discloses openly as if she’s known Ashlyn for much longer than like an hour total. As open as she is about her sexuality, she usually doesn’t just throw it out there like that. Ashlyn makes her feel comfortable though, like she’s known her for years.

“Well ok then…loud and clear.” Ashlyn chuckles.

“Sorry, I’m not usually so blunt. Apparently you’re easy to talk to.” Ali shakes her head at herself.

“I like blunt. And like I said before, don’t ever apologize for who you are.” Ashlyn reminds her. “And since we’re being blunt… Ashlyn Harris, gayest of the gay…nice to meet you.” She laughs and holds her hand out in mock introduction.

Ali laughs and shakes her hand gently. “Yeah, I didn’t want to assume, but…”

“What gave me away? The hair or the tattoos?” Ashlyn plays back.

“Hey, all I know is that I’m beyond happy that my body is still man-free even post kidney transplant.” Ali jokes. “Even better that everything is still in Sapphic harmony in here.” She points to her abdomen.

“Amen to that.” Ashlyn smiles.

“So, you’ve read my book…” Ali goes back to the topic at hand.

“I’ve read your book.” Ashlyn confirms.

“Can I ask what about my book was a game changer for you?” Ali inquires.

“You can… but, there’s a lot that goes into the answer. It’s complicated and will probably make more sense once you know me a little better. Rain check on that?” Ashlyn offers.

“Absolutely.” Ali agrees. “And for the record, I want to know you a lot better…not just a little.”

“Right back at you. I mean, we’re totally gonna be those friends that say ‘we’re so close we practically share a kidney’ and then laugh hysterically while everyone looks at us like we’re insane, right?” Ashlyn smiles.

“Duh.” Ali confirms with a beaming smile.

“Speaking of… what else should I know about Alex Krieger other than strong as hell, amazing writer, and loves the ladies?” Ashlyn asks enchantingly.

“Hmmm… I love ice cream cake and reality TV, Netflix is my life most nights, my dream is to travel the world, and you’re on a very short list of people that has seen me without mascara on. I even wear it to bed.” Ali answers simply.

“I’m honored.” Ashlyn chuckles. “Really though, you wear it to bed? You certainly don’t need it.”

“Yep, I consider it my war paint.” Ali flexes her arm.

“I can buy into that. For the record, I’m not a huge make-up person, but usually I have at least some make-up on and look a hell of a lot better than this.” Ashlyn points to her face.

“Oh please, you look perfectly great.” Ali says sincerely. The woman is completely gorgeous even looking as rough as she does, let alone what she must look like on a normal day.

“Total liar, but thank you anyway.” Ashlyn shoots her a playful look.

“So, do I get to know about you?” Ali asks cautiously.

“That’s only fair. Gotta go both ways if we’re gonna be friends.” Ashlyn replies easily. “What do you want to know?”

“Can I ask you a really personal question?” Ali asks directly.

“Yeah, ask away.” Ashlyn agrees, not sure what to expect.

“What made you donate a kidney to a complete stranger?” Ali goes for it.

“Oh wow, you don’t fuck around. Go right in for the kill, huh?” Ashlyn laughs lightly, a little nervously.

“Yeah, I guess I’ve never had much time for beating around the bush. I’m sorry, that’s really personal. You don’t have to answer that. It’s just so amazing to me that someone would do that… I’m intrigued and can’t stop wondering.” Ali admits.

“Relax. If anyone deserves an answer to that question, you do.” Ashlyn reassures her, feeling oddly comfortable and open with Ali even though she barely knows her. “It’s a deep and difficult answer, not something I usually talk about. Just… bear with me?”

“Of course. Really Ashlyn, no pressure. Don’t talk about anything you don’t want to, I mean it. Especially not for the sake of satisfying my curiosity.” Ali reiterates her hesitance.

“Nah, it’s ok. Just stop me if you find yourself not wanting to hear more, ok?” Ashlyn forewarns.

“Yeah, ok.” Ali confirms even though she knows there’s no way in hell she isn’t listening to every damn word the woman is willing to speak.

“So, I come from a small beach town in Florida… Satellite Beach.” Ashlyn starts. “It’s the kind of blue collar place where people scrape by and don’t ever leave, know what I mean?”

Ali nods in understanding.

“Growing up, my parents worked their asses off just so we could eat and have the basics. My dad was a roofer, my mom cleaned houses and worked odd jobs and sold Avon and stuff like that. My brother, Chris, was two years older than me. We were like two peas in a pod. I did everything he did, even played sports on all guy teams to be like him.” Ashlyn recounts.

Ali feels her chest pang at Ashlyn using the words ‘was’ and ‘were’ when talking about her brother, her tone getting notably emotional as soon as she said his name.

“We had it rough as kids, being poor even in a poor place. He was my protector in everything though. When I was 12, he was 14… the small house we lived in caught on fire one night… an electrical failure from faulty wiring.” Ashlyn takes a deep breath. “We were all asleep. I woke up to not being able to breathe, fire all around my room. I remember a piece of the ceiling falling on my bed and burning me. And I screamed because I knew I was going to die. Next thing I know, he was there… his whole back was on fire, but he carried me outside. My parents didn’t make it.”

“Jesus Christ, Ashlyn. I’m so sorry that happened to you.” Ali whispers and reaches over to take Ashlyn’s hand in hers.

Ashlyn feels the warmth of Ali’s hand on hers and her body relaxes just like it did before the surgery. No one has ever had this effect on her before and she can’t quite pinpoint what it is, but she couldn’t be more thankful for it.

“It’s ok. I mean…it actually wasn’t ok. It was really hard, but we found a way through it. I know it’s heavy, but I just needed to get across what Chris means to me.” Ashlyn clarifies and sees Ali nod.

“We went to live with my Dad’s parents. My grandparents lived nearby and were always like parents to us anyway. They still live in the same house and we talk every day. They would’ve come with me for this, but they can’t really travel much.” Ashlyn explains.

“That’s really sweet.” Ali smiles at the thought, glad Ashlyn still has family.

“So, fast forward a bit. Chris and I always promised each other we’d get the hell out of Satellite Beach someday. My vision was a bit grander than his… go to college, make something big of myself. He just wanted to own a restaurant in South Beach somewhere. We used to brainstorm together and I promised I’d help him do it. He was always so proud though, wanted to do most of it himself, work his way up. So, I went to college and he was working as a manager in a restaurant, hoping to get in on a partnership with the owner eventually.” Ashlyn continues. “Still with me?”

“Absolutely.” Ali confirms and gives Ashlyn’s hand a little squeeze.

“The summer before my senior year in college was pretty hellish. Chris got diagnosed with a rare and aggressive testicular cancer that had metastasized. It was in his kidneys, liver, bladder, spleen. He had no idea, nothing was bothering him until he felt a lump one day in his testicle and went to get it checked out.” Ashlyn feels tears burning at the corners of her eyes and tries to hold it in so she can finish her story.

Ali squeezes Ashlyn’s hand again, her stomach feeling like it has a rock in it because she pretty much knows what comes next.

“The doctors thought maybe with aggressive chemo, he might have a chance to beat it. And we all clung to that hope. I even used to joke with him that someday he was going to be able to tell people that whacking off to porn had saved his life.” Ashlyn chuckles a little and then gets serious again.

“It all happened pretty fast. His kidneys pretty much shutdown from the chemo and he needed dialysis. It was a fucking catch 22 though. He needed the dialysis to be strong enough to survive the chemo, but the chemo made him too weak for dialysis. It was a no-win limbo… die from kidney failure or die from cancer. We all got tested to see if we were a match to donate a kidney to him, every single damn person we knew or was willing… you can understand that part.” Ashlyn explains and gets a nod from Ali.

“No matches. He went on the donation list, but time wasn’t on his side. Only took 6 months and he was gone. He was 23.” The tears threatening to spill finally escape and roll down Ashlyn’s face. She quickly wipes them with her free hand, not used to being emotional in front of people. “That was at the end of April my senior year in college.”

“I’m so very sorry. He sounds like a wonderful guy.” Ali say reverently.

“He was. He was my heart. Still is.” Ashlyn says quietly before finishing. “When he died, I promised him and myself two things: that I when I was done living my dream…that I’d live his dream too and that I’d do for someone else what I wasn’t able to do for him.” Ashlyn locks eyes with Ali. “And that Alex Krieger is why I donated a kidney to a complete stranger… to you... who is not a stranger at all anymore.” She smiles meaningfully.

“I am so incredibly blown away right now.” Ali admits in a whisper, completely overcome with emotion.

“Now you know how I felt when I found out you were A.K. Henley.” Ashlyn raises her eyebrows.

“Doesn’t even compare, but if you say so.” Ali challenges and grips Ashlyn’s hand a little tighter. “Can I ask another question?”

“Sure. You’re on a roll.” Ashlyn teases.

“You said ‘when you were done living your dream’. You’re here and you donated a kidney, so that means you lived your dream, right?” Ali makes sure she understood it right.

“Yep.” Ashlyn nods.

“What was your dream? What do you do?” Ali asks, her mind racing with possibilities.

“Oh…well…I’m retired now.” Ashlyn says simply.

“Retired?” Ali cocks her head to the side.

“From professional basketball, yeah.” Ashlyn replies casually.

“Oh…OH!” It hits Ali like a lightning bolt and she can’t believe she didn’t realize sooner. “Oh, holy shit… you have a gold medal, you won three NCAA tournaments! You’re Ashlyn Harris!” She squeaks out loudly, her free hand going to cover her mouth.

“Oh, so you do know me after all.” Ashlyn smiles playfully.

“Yes! I mean, not really. Ugh, that came out wrong.” Ali turns red, mortified that she just sounded like a total fangirl. She gets herself under control quickly so she can redeem herself even though Ashlyn just looks amused.

“I don’t really follow women’s basketball, admittedly just a bandwagon fan at times. March Madness is huge in my family and we do brackets for the men and women’s games. So, yeah, I totally watched you win three tournament championships for UConn. I could never forget that. And then I always watch the Olympics, especially the gold medal matches. You won a gold in Rio with USA Basketball, unbelievable game. Your hair was so long and blonde back then, fewer tattoos. You sort of looked familiar to me, but I didn’t recognize you enough to put it together.” Ali explains herself.

“Yeah, I cut my hair about a year ago after I hurt my leg. It was easier with all the surgeries and rehab.” Ashlyn shrugs. “And correction… I was on _teams_ that won championships and a gold medal.” She winks at Ali.

“Oh please, you put up over 40 points by yourself in all three of those college championships! 52 points in the gold medal match in Rio! Say whatever you want Humble Harris, but I know better. No wonder this feels like a super kidney in here.” Ali shoots a smile at her.

“Thought you were a casual fan?” Ashlyn sasses.

“Oh come on, anyone who watched that would remember!” Ali challenges. “I swear I’m not a fangirl.” She promises and Ashlyn laughs. “So, you’re retired? You played in the WNBA? You said you hurt your leg?”

“Guess you’re really not a fangirl.” Ashlyn smiles. “Yeah, well I played for the L.A. Sparks right out of college for two years and then a year for the Chicago Sky. I loved playing in the U.S., but the money overseas was insane and hard to pass up.”

“Really? That much more?” Ali asks curiously. She didn’t even know basketball was a professional thing in other countries.

“A ton more. Women’s basketball is huge in Russia and China and the surrounding countries there. Top players in the WNBA make a couple hundred thousand. Overseas it’s millions on top of bonuses like cars, housing, and all kinds of endorsements. So, I signed a huge contract with UMMC Ekaterinburg in the Russian Premier League.” Ashlyn tells her.

“Oh wow, so you did good for yourself then?” Ali asked with raised eyebrows.

“Yeah I did good.” Ashlyn confirms. “Played there until shortly after the Olympics. I came down wrong from a jump shot during a game and my lower leg just snapped in half pretty much…tore my ACL too. Lots of surgeries and rehab, but I knew almost right away I’d never come back. I can’t even walk without a limp now.” She shrugs.

“God that sucks, I’m really sorry.” Ali says sympathetically.

“Eh, don’t be…I’m not. I came to peace with it real fast. I lived the life for a while, got to see the world a bit, loved what I did for a living, set myself up for a financially stable future. It had to end sometime, might as well have been before I was washed up and tossed out. Besides, it means I could start making good on those promises.” Ashlyn explains with a meaningful look.

“You know, you are hands down the most fascinating person I have ever met.” Ali admits honestly with no filter.

“Funny, I think the same about you.” Ashlyn returns the sentiment and feels another squeeze on her hand. “Good thing we’re friends now.”

“Right, we practically share a kidney.” Ali deadpans before the two of them start laughing.

“Hi ladies, we doing ok in here?” One of the nurses interrupts them by walking into the room. “Ali, it has been a little over an hour, we should probably get you back to your room to lie down. Ashlyn, you’re due for your pain medication. I’m gonna go grab a pitcher of water that I promised another patient and then I’ll be right back, ok?”

The two of them nod and then watch her leave the room.

Ali knows they only have a couple more minutes, but she knows this is the moment. She slowly gets up from the chair and leans in close to the bed as best she can, her left hand still holding onto Ashlyn’s. She leans in closer even though she’s sore and it hurts…her right hand going to gently hold Ashlyn’s face, their foreheads pressed together now. She feels Ashlyn’s breath hitch and hopes she’s not taking this too far…but she needs her not just to hear her words, but to feel them.

Ashlyn is practically paralyzed when Ali gets up and cups her cheek before leaning in to rest their foreheads together. Her heart races wildly, her whole body vibrating at the soft touch, the gorgeous cinnamon eyes locked into her own, the smell of a minty shampoo, and the warm breath tickling her lips which are only an inch from Ali’s as they breathe the same air. She wonders for a second if Ali is going to kiss her. She spends the next second thinking about how much she wants her to…but the look in Ali’s eyes is emotional and tender. Her thoughts are broken by the sound of Ali’s quiet voice.

“I’m choosing this moment for my one shot. I could spend years trying to find the right words and never find them. This means that much to me. You mean that much to me. So, with no adequate words… let me just say this. I won’t take a single second of this gift you gave me for granted. I’ll live it to the fullest for me, for you, and for Chris…I promise. From the bottom on my heart, thank you Ashlyn Harris. Of all the people in this world that it could have been, I’m so glad that it’s you.” Ali says wholeheartedly before shifting up to press her lips to Ashlyn’s forehead and pulling away slowly.

Ashlyn can’t even speak, the statement touching her deeply as another tear escapes and rolls down her cheek. She doesn’t even know what she would say if she could speak right now. All she knows is that this right here is fate… that everything she has been through was for this moment and for this woman to be in her life. Destiny has given her Alex Krieger and she isn’t letting that go for anything in the world no matter where this situation takes them. She feels Ali’s thumb wipe the tear from her face, immediately feeling the absence of her touch when she pulls away. All she can do is nod and smile at the beautiful brunette who slowly walks towards the door.

“Perfect timing. Susan is in the hallway to help you walk to your room, Ali. Ashlyn, I have your meds and then I’m sure a nice nap will follow.” The nurse winks as she heads towards Ashlyn.

“Sweet dreams, Ash.” Ali turns back at the door with a nose-crinkling smile.

Ashlyn’s stomach flutters at the way the nickname rolls off of Ali’s tongue, finally finding her voice. “You too, Alex.” She shoots back a dimpled grin of her own as Ali walks out the door. She lays her back against the pillow and lets out a deep contented breath.

“Looks like you two really hit it off…that’s great!” The nurse comments as she administers the medication into Ashlyn’s IV.

“You have no idea.” Ashlyn grins like an idiot.


	6. The Chef

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Busy day today, so just this update...but lots more getting to know each other going on :-) Enjoy and keep sending me your thoughts, you all are the best!

Ashlyn immediately perks up at the sound of the light knock on her hospital room door, expecting it to be Ali since it’s around the same time as yesterday when the brunette visited. Although she’s met by the same cinnamon brown eyes she’s recently become obsessed with, they are on the face of someone she doesn’t know… a good-looking man with dark hair and a well-trimmed beard.

“Wow girl, you really do have fabulous hair…not that I didn’t like your long hair before, but this is like your prime look, you know?” The visitor puts his hand on his chin as he stands back looking her over with admiration on his face. “And all that amazing ink. Honey, you are a snack!” He adds with a smirk.

“Um… thanks?” Ashlyn shakes her head at the over-the-top entrance, glad she finally got a chance to wash her hair this morning even though it was hell. “You must be Kyle.”

“Right you are, all-star!” Kyle smiles at her. “What gave me away?”

“Well, you’re exactly like your sister described you. Plus you look like the male version of her, sooo just a hunch.” Ashlyn plays back.

“Oh, so you two have been talking about me, huh?” Kyle jokingly narrows his eyes. “Let me guess… she said I’m a flamboyant, sassy, and ruggedly handsome queen?”

“Something like that. Close enough.” Ashlyn laughs.

“Well, my sister happens to be gorgeous. So, I’m gonna take that look-alike comment of yours as the ultimate compliment.” Kyle grins as Ashlyn nods her head in agreement. “I brought you lunch, all-star.” He holds out a paper bag.

“Thank you, really. Your family has been so nice to me.” Ashlyn says with genuine appreciation. Deb has been in to visit at least once a day with some kind of delicious food every time. “All-star?” She adds questioningly.

“Yep. I pretty much peed a little when my sister told me you were Ashlyn Harris. She and I watched all those basketball games together. She may too embarrassed to fangirl, but I sure as hell am not. As if you weren’t already enough of a legend… _THE_ Ashlyn Harris gave my sister a kidney… blows my mind.” Kyle uses his hands to pretend like his brain is exploding.

“Oh…uh…” Ashlyn’s cheeks turn red as she tries to come up with a response, her eyes dropping to look into the bag of food to buy herself a few seconds.

“Oh right, my mom and sister did allude to you being the humble hero type. Sorry to make you all bashful, but you’re just gonna have to deal with it from me, all-star. I don’t play around. You’re officially one of my favorite people in the world. And as soon as I know I won’t hurt you, I’m gonna hug you tight and pretty much love on you forever. Sooo, learn to love your new bestie, k? K, great!” Kyle says with flare.

“Well ok then, now that we’ve cleared that up… give a girl some love, new bestie.” Ashlyn chuckles and holds out her fist for a bump. It’s a foreign feeling for her to feel so at ease with strangers, but the Kriegers are clearly a different breed of wonderful and she’s quickly learning to just roll with it.

“That a girl!” Kyle says approvingly and studies her tattooed arms a bit. “That really is amazing ink. I’d ask what they mean, but I recognize a journey when I see one.” He lifts his own sleeves to reveal all his tattoos.

“Oh wow, you have nice ink yourself. Those trees are incredible.” Ashlyn gently takes his arm and turns it a bit to look at his tattoos. “I love Harry Potter.” She adds when she sees the deathly hallows symbol.

“Oh you just get better and better, don’t you? Harry Potter is life.” Kyle smiles widely. “Now if you’d just let me cut your hair, you’d officially be perfect.” He teases.

“Alex told me you’d ask.” Ashlyn laughs. “It’s all yours.” She rubs the back of her head.

“Really?!” Kyle asks excitedly with wide eyes, not missing his sister’s family nickname but not calling attention to it.

“Of course. I hear you’re a master stylist whiz at fades and I get mine done every couple weeks. So, as soon as I can sit up long enough and the nurses okay it, you have a new client.” Ashlyn replies easily.

“I literally cannot wait!” Kyle says eagerly as he bounces on the balls of his feet. “You’ll be a total stud when I’m done with you! Not that you already aren’t, but like super stud. Anyway, eat your turkey burger before it gets cold.”

“Right, thanks.” Ashlyn reaches into the bag. “So, is everything okay with Alex?” She asks the question that has been on her mind since Kyle walked in. “I’m glad you came and introduced yourself, but it has been your mom and sister so far… so, I’m just wondering.” She adds in explanation.

“Everything is fine and she’s doing great. Better every day.” Kyle reassures her. “Alex’s childhood best friend is visiting from Pennsylvania today, so she’s been occupied.” He elaborates and watches Ashlyn’s face fall a bit. “You won’t be able to keep her away tomorrow though, count on it.” He adds quickly and sees a little smile appear on Ashlyn’s face as she nods. “My mom has been on leave from work while Alex recovers, but with standardized testing going on, they really needed help with proctoring the tests and she agreed to go in and help today. That’s why you get the pleasure of my company right now!”

“Standardized testing?” Ashlyn inquires.

“Yeah, she’s a high school English teacher. My dad teaches phys. ed.” Kyle divulges.

“That’s really cool.” Ashlyn smiles and takes a bite of burger. “No wonder Alex is a good writer and ran track.”

“Indeed. Proper grammar and physical fitness are like the Krieger creed.” Kyle jokes. “Alex may be a bestselling author, but I’m faster.”

“Doubtful.” Ashlyn teases as she looks him up and down.

“Oh snap!” Kyle waves his hand dramatically. “Girl, you have me pegged. We really are besties!” He shakes his head. “I better let you eat and rest, but we’ll pick this up later.” He says when the nurse walks in to check on Ashlyn.

“Ok, thank you again for lunch and the company.” Ashlyn replies appreciatively as Kyle heads towards the door.

“You bet.” Kyle smiles. “I really meant what I said about the one of my favorite people in the world thing.” He adds seriously, turning to look back over his shoulder as he gets to the door. “Call me when you want that fade!”

“You’re on my speed dial. Expect it.” Ashlyn winks at him. “Tell Alex I said hi and I hope she has a good rest of the day.”

“You got it!” Kyle winks back. “Rest easy and take care, all-star!”

\---------------------

“Well look at you!” Ali says happily as she walks into Ashlyn’s room and sees the short-haired woman sitting up in the chair beside the bed.

“Hey, Alex!” Ashlyn immediately sits up a little taller, her face breaking out into a smile. “I’m making big moves here.” She deadpans. “You missed my milestone of sitting up for over an hour yesterday. And this is the second time I’m sitting up today.”

“Aww, bummed I missed that.” Ali smiles back. “One of my good friends came in for a special visit since she doesn’t live locally, so she was here the whole day. Sorry I didn’t make it over here to see you.” She explains regretfully.

“Don’t be sorry at all.” Ashlyn waves her off. “Your brother swung by to visit yesterday, which certainly kept me entertained.” She adds with a small chuckle. “Please, sit.” She points to the other nearby chair in the room.

“Thanks.” Ali sinks herself into the chair that is about two feet to Ashlyn’s right. “I didn’t even see Kyle much yesterday, so he never told me. Do I even want to know?” She quirks an eyebrow.

“Probably not, but the cliffnotes are that he and I are now besties, he’s going to cut my hair soon, and he calls me ‘all-star’.” Ashlyn shakes her head with a smile. “He’s also exactly as you described him and thinks he’s faster than you…which for the record, I totally shut him down on that one.”

“Oh wow, I sure am sorry I missed all that.” Ali giggles. “Thanks for the back-up on my speed though. For the record, I am in fact way faster than he is.”

“I knew it.” Ashlyn smiles victoriously. “Unfortunately, he wasn’t around long enough for me to get any embarrassing childhood stories out of him.”

“Thank god for that! I’ll have to limit the time you two spend together from now on.” Ali warns playfully.

“Oh come on! How are we supposed to be besties if I don’t get to hear about the time you wet the bed in high school?” Ashlyn teases.

“Wet the bed in high school?” Ali shoots her a playful glare.

“You know what I mean. For someone who hadn’t peed in like 13 years, I figured I wouldn’t accidentally reveal an embarrassing story by jokingly going with that one.” Ashlyn shrugs and watches Ali burst out into a belly laugh.

“Totally happened my freshman year at a sleepover after our track team party… they put my hand in water when I fell asleep.” Ali admits through laughter, loving the way Ashlyn doesn’t try to handle her with kid gloves like everyone else seems to when it comes to her illness.

“Ha! Me too! I swear that happens to everyone at a sleepover. Right? Right.” Ashlyn reveals with her own laugh. “Either that or we both have friends that really suck.”

“I’m going with the latter.” Ali replies. “Annnway, that’s all you’re getting out of me for one day. So, how are you feeling?”

“Definitely better.” Ashlyn answers. “Finally able to shower and move around better, not feeling so weak either. I’ll be visiting your room before you know it.” She adds with a wink. “How about you?”

“Yeah, I can see that…your hair is looking fantastic by the way. I’m so glad you’re doing a little better.” Ali says genuinely. “I’m still doing great and recovering pretty fast, everything looks really good according to all the tests.” She pauses for a second before saying the next part. “Dr. Carter says I’m likely going home tomorrow.”

“That’s such amazing news, Alex! I’m really happy to hear that. So, so happy for you.” Ashlyn says sweetly even though her stomach just dropped a bit. “I guess I’ll just have to prance on down the hallway to say goodbye tomorrow then.”

“Guess so.” Ali looks down into her lap. “What about you? Any news on when you get to go home?”

“Well, Ms. Over-Achiever… I’ll have you know that I’m not so far behind you. Doc said likely the day after tomorrow.” Ashlyn answers. “I’m not going home though. They are covering me to have at least two weeks here at a nearby hotel with a visiting nurse before they will let me get on a flight to go back home. Might be as long as three weeks.”

“Wait, really? You’ll be here in D.C.?” Ali perks up again.

“Yep. I’ll be at the Fairmont apparently.” Ashlyn replies matter-of-factly.

“Oh nice… that’s a great hotel.” Ali says as her mind races, the next words just flying out of her mouth without thinking on them too deeply. “Why don’t you just stay with us?”

“You and you’re family are seriously the sweetest people ever.” Ashlyn smiles warmly at the invite, everything in her wanting to accept. “I would never want to impose though. Plus, I’m pretty sure the reason they put me in a hotel close to the hospital is so that I can have the nurse easily visit and get in any appointments that I need.” She explains.

“Oh yeah, I didn’t consider that. We don’t actually live all that close. It’s still a little bit of a drive.” Ali realizes, her voice a bit glum again before another thought hits her. “But I can come visit you if you want! We can totally Netflix and recover together… wouldn’t want you to get too bored.” She adds hopefully.

Ashlyn can’t help the grin the breaks out on her face at Ali’s hopeful tone, her stomach fluttering a bit at the whole idea. “I would absolutely love that.” She says honestly. “I don’t want you having to make that drive if you’re not up for it though. Maybe wait until you feel like you can manage it better.” She adds in concern.

“I could do that drive in my sleep.” Ali assures her. “Besides, if I get too tired, I’ll just stay for the night. Pretty sure any room in that hotel is huge. Well, as long as you don’t put my hand in water, especially seeing as how I can actually pee again now.”

Ashlyn is a bit stunned that Ali just pretty much invited herself for a sleepover in her hotel room, but she also can’t think of anything else she would want more than that right now, her heart already racing a bit at the thought. “I will never decline a sleepover with my new bestie. You’re gonna have to take your chances on the hand in water thing though.” She shoots another wink in Ali’s direction.

“Oh I’ll take my chances, but remember that I give as good as I get, soooo…” Ali challenges back.

“Noted.” Ashlyn replies with a little smirk on her face at the underlying insinuation.

“Good. Now that we have that settled, put your number in my phone so I don’t have to go hunting around the Fairmont to find what room you’re in.” Ali holds her phone out to Ashlyn, watching the short-haired woman take it and start typing.

“Well, I’m sure your mom could find my room even if no one gave her any info.” Ashlyn laughs.

“She totally could! Deb-Deb is Sherlock Holmes, can’t get anything by her.” Ali agrees as Ashlyn hands her phone back. She looks down to see Ashlyn’s number with the name “Kidney Express” next to it. “Oh, she has jokes!” Ali guffaws.

“Always.” Ashlyn smiles.

“Alright, alright…give me your phone.” Ali demands and smiles deviously when Ashlyn hands it over, quickly typing in her number and handing it back.

“Hello Kidney?” Ashlyn cocks her head to side when she sees the name Ali typed, the joke finally hitting her when she sees the little cat emoji next to the name. “Oh my god… did you really just make a bad Hello Kitty pun?”

“I sure did.” Ali says proudly. “I was gonna go with Frankenstein, but Hello Kitty seemed more my style.”

“You might be the lamest person I have ever met, but I have to admit that I kinda love it.” Ashlyn laughs heartily. “Hello Kidney…what a nerd.” She shakes her head.

“Whatever you say, Kidney Express.” Ali throws it right back at her.

“Alright, so… what’s your favorite food or like the best thing you’ve ever eaten?” Ashlyn asks.

“Well that came out of nowhere, but I’ll bite.” Ali comments on the random question and thinks about it for a minute. “My favorite is hard to pinpoint because I really love all kinds of comfort food… stuff like burgers, pizza, chicken parmesan, or like a really good turkey dinner with all the sides. I guess one of the best things I’ve ever eaten though was a grilled filet mignon with a burgundy wine sauce over a mushroom risotto with a side of roasted sweet potatoes sautéed with pancetta. It was to die for.”

“Whew, that does sound amazing.” Ashlyn nods approvingly. “I’m big on comfort food too. But I also love to try stuff that’s a little outside the box, you know?”

“Like what?” Ali asks curiously.

“Hmmm…” Ashlyn thinks about it for a second before going with the last odd-ball creation she and Chris had cooked up. “Like ale battered french-fries topped with garlic-butter sautéed mushrooms and melted gruyere cheese with a scoop of truffle mac and cheese on top.”

“Oh my gosh, that sounds like heaven. Like an American twist on poutine. You have to tell me what restaurant makes that!” Ali practically salivates.

“Oh, um…none that I know of.” Ashlyn scratches the back of her head. “Kind of a Harris special… it was Chris’ idea and I made it come to life.”

“Hold up, so she cooks too?” Ali eyes Ashlyn in both amusement and admiration.

“She cooks.” Ashlyn confirms with a smirk.

“Wow, like professional level it sounds like.” Ali muses. “You mentioned your brother wanting a restaurant before. Was that like his _thing_? He was a chef…or?”

“Not really.” Ashlyn tries to explain. “He actually couldn’t really cook all that well no matter how much my Gram and I tried to teach him. He was kind of burly and not an ounce of him was particularly delicate.” She smiles at the memory. “Just didn’t exactly have the finesse to be a chef. But he had the mostly insanely good ideas about food. The combinations he came up with were just complete madness, but you couldn’t deny how delicious they would be.”

“Yeah, well if that french-fry dish is any indication, I’d say he was a food genius.” Ali interjects.

“Pretty much. We used to brainstorm all the time and then I would try to cook up his vision.” Ashlyn divulges. “So, yeah…he always wanted his own restaurant somewhere in South Beach where there would be a constant stream of tourists to try some crazy creations. The plan was for me to help him get it off the ground until I was done with basketball and then actually try my hand at doing some chef work there.” Ashlyn pauses before looking down at her lap. “Never happened though.”

Ali quickly swallows the lump in her throat and reaches over to lightly stroke Ashlyn’s shoulder. “I have no doubt that it will happen though. That’s the dream you promised, right?”

“Yeah.” Ashlyn nods.

“Then it’ll be amazing.” Ali says confidently. “And you already have your first customer. I want the first dish.”

“You got it.” Ashlyn promises. “We’ll see. I’m gonna try really hard to make it happen the way he envisioned it. We were such a good team though. I’m not really sure how to do it by myself, especially because I’ve never been good at the business related stuff that he was better at.”

“Well, Hello Kidney is now on your speed dial. And if anyone learned a whole lot of lessons about going into business for yourself, it was _this_ best-selling author right here.” Ali points at herself with her thumb. “Really, I can give you pointers and help if you need it. I know a ton about business contracts now.”

“Geez, this kidney thing is really paying off for me.” Ashlyn jokes. “I mean, I get to donate my kidney to a beautiful woman who happens to be one of my favorite authors and I still get business advice in return. Pretty sweet deal.”

“Oh, she thinks I’m a beautiful author, huh?” Ali teases with a slight blush on her cheeks.

Ashlyn immediately turns red, not quite realizing how candid she was being in her joking. “She thinks you’re a beautiful author.” She finally admits with a smile. “How could I not? It’s not exactly up for debate. Come on, you have to know how gorgeous you are?”

“Such a charmer.” Ali can feel the heat on her face from the blushing. “I’ll admit that I always thought I did ok in the looks department, you know? But then after a while… none of that stuff really matters when you’re just that ‘dialysis girl’.” Ali says honestly.

“Has someone actually called you that?” Ashlyn asks with wide-eyes.

“Ex-girlfriends can be cruel.” Ali shrugs.

“Cruel? Fucking hell…with exes like that, who needs enemies?” Ashlyn replies, feeling suddenly really protective of the brunette. “Bunch of dumb bitches if you ask me. Probably better that you never introduce them to me if we’re ever in that situation.” Ashlyn smiles to lighten the mood.

“They’d probably crap themselves. You’re pretty intimidating-looking.” Ali laughs.

“Really?” Ashlyn asks.

“Well yeah… I mean, you’re totally striking. Beautiful with perfect skin and strong features, and those biceps look like you could probably bench press another human. Add all that ink and that stylish hair… you’re model-level hot with an edge that makes you pretty intimidating.” Ali spills truthfully. “Well, that is until one gets to know you and finds out that you’re kind of a marshmallow.” She adds with a giggle.

“Oh, so she thinks I’m a hot marshmallow?” Ashlyn playfully challenges.

“She’s a hot marshmallow.” Ali confirms with a laugh.

“I can roll with that.” Ashlyn joins in laughing. “What a fucking pair we are. For the record, it’s the marshmallow part that always gets me in trouble.”

“What do you mean?” Ali probes.

“As soon as people realize I’m not so intimidating, they kind of just walk all over me. I’m not so great at realizing it or stopping it for that matter.” Ashlyn reveals. “My ex, Katerina, was a total gold digger type. But I just pretty much let it happen because it was better than being alone at the time. She was this Russian woman I met while playing there. She was trying to make her way in the model industry and she pretty much stayed with me cause I was a popular athlete there. As soon as my career was over, we were over too.”

“Dumb bitch.” Ali reaches over again and squeezes Ashlyn’s arm lightly.

“Something we have in common then.” Ashlyn laughs.

“Yep. That and a kidney.” Ali plays back. “So, do you speak Russian?”

“Eh, kind of. Enough to get by. I’m not the best at languages, so kind of just learned the minimum really.” Ashlyn admits.

“That’s still pretty cool.” Ali replies. “I speak German pretty well.”

“Really? That’s awesome. Why German?” Ashlyn questions with intrigue.

“I spent almost 6 months there when I was 14 and pretty much fell in love with it.” Ali explains. “My parents are teachers, my dad teaches phys. ed. and my mom is an English teacher.”

“Kyle mentioned that.” Ashlyn briefly interrupts.

“Yeah, so my dad helped develop this physical wellness program with a few other teachers across the U.S. and they got picked to spend a semester in Germany teaching the program to a group of high school athletic coaches there. So, Kyle and I got to go with him. Best 6 months of my life. I loved it there. Even my tattoos are in German.” Ali discloses. “It sparked so much wanderlust in me. I’ve always wanted to travel the world… but, never happened.”

“I have no doubt that it will happen though.” Ashlyn steals Ali’s words from earlier and is now the one reaching over to gently hold the brunette’s arm. “I mean, that’s one well-traveled kidney you have in there. It’s been a lot of cool places, so it can be your tour guide when you’re ready to jet-set.” She adds a touch of humor.

“Ha! You are too much.” Ali laughs. “But yeah, I really think that’s my next big thing if this all works out. Do some traveling.”

“Well, Kidney Express is now on your speed-dial and ready to give you travel tips at the drop of a hat.” Ashlyn promises with a little bow of her head.

“I’ll take you up on that.” Ali replies.

“Now...about these tattoos.” Ashlyn raises her eyebrows. “Did you really hold back this long that you had tattoos? I thought we were besties!”

“Well I didn’t exactly hold back! It just hadn’t come up yet.” Ali defends playfully.

“Yeah, yeah…come on now, tell me.” Ashlyn prompts her.

Ali is about to roll up her sleeve when there is a knock at the door.

“Hi Ashlyn, I’m here to have a look at the incision healing.” Dr. Landin, the attending physician today, steps into the room.

“I guess that’s my cue.” Ali gets up and shoots Ashlyn an apologetic look while the doctor looks over Ashlyn’s chart. “Story for next time, I guess.”

“Next time for sure, holding you to that.” Ashlyn points at her with a smile.

“See you tomorrow before I go?” Ali double-checks.

“Absolutely. I’ll be the hot marshmallow prancing into your room before you leave.” Ashlyn smiles.

“Well, I’ll be the beautiful author waiting for my goodbye hug until that hotel sleepover.” Ali replies boldly with a smile as she jokingly tosses her hair.

“Count on it.” Ashlyn promises.

“I absolutely will.” Ali assures her. “Sleep well, Chef.” Ali winks as she heads towards the door.

“Sweet dreams, Germany.” Ashlyn replies back with the same goofy grin on her face that Ali always seems to leave her with.


	7. The Bard

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My weekends are always busy, busy these days, so this update will have to hold you over until Monday! Time to learn a little more about Ali...and start this hotel alone time ;-)
> 
> I love all your comments, keep em' coming!

 

“Whew…damn…” Ashlyn lets out a soft whistle as she looks around the hotel room that will be her home for the next couple of weeks. The room is spacious with an apartment-like feel to it, the décor modern and luxurious at the same time.

There is a fairly large living room area with a comfy couch and a cushioned reclining chair in front of a large flat screen TV mounted on the wall over a stylish credenza. There is a small kitchen with an electric stovetop, medium sized refrigerator, and a small table with two chairs in the corner. The bedroom is its own room off of the living room, a king size bed, a bureau with a TV on it, a small desk, and a closet make up most of the space. The master bathroom is connected to the bedroom and features a large Jacuzzi tub with a smaller marbled shower next to that.

“A girl could get used to this.” Ashlyn comments out loud as she starts perusing the room service menu. The kidney donation program is covering three meals a day up to $25 each. As much as she has more money from her basketball career than she even knows what to do with, she really hasn’t spent much of it or even splurged on anything besides her Jeep. So, she’s feeling oddly spoiled by this situation.

She’s still only about halfway through unpacking her bags, something she’s now had to take two breaks in the last hour to accomplish, when her phone chimes from the bedside table. Her lips curl into a smile when she sees a new text.

_Hello Kidney: Did you get all checked in? How’s the room? How are you? Urine my thoughts… get it? Miss you already :-)_

Ashlyn can’t help but laugh loudly, so much so that she gets a stitch in her side that actually makes her keel over onto the bed in pain for a few minutes. She quickly types a message as soon as the ache starts to dull a bit.

_Kidney Express: You are seriously the lamest… but I laughed so hard my stitches almost popped. Room is amazing and I’m doing pretty good, just tired. Miss you too, and my kidney ;-)_

Ashlyn smiles to herself at the thought of the hug the two shared yesterday when she made it down the hall to Ali’s room to say goodbye just like she promised. Unfortunately, it had been shorter than she had hoped since Kyle immediately piped up with “Oh, she’s ready for hugs? Perfect, my turn!” That had been followed by one from Deb and then a really meaningful one from a teary Ken who she had just met for the first time. Still, that short and soft hug from Ali had felt nothing short of wonderful. Her thoughts are broken by her phone chiming again.

_Hello Kidney: Sorry, no backsies, this kidney is all mine. And don’t hurt yourself!_

_Kidney Express: How are you today?_

_Hello Kidney: Excellent! Feeling good, everything glowing and flowing ;-) So, too soon for a sleepover party tomorrow?_

Ashlyn’s stomach flutters so hard, she has to take a second to breathe before she can type a reply.

_Kidney Express: Never too soon, but pretty sure there is no way you’re driving yet._

_Hello Kidney: And that’s why I have my lackey brother to drive me there. He’s headed into the city for a client anyway…wants to know if he can do your hair in the morning first?_

_Kidney Express: Oh well, in that case… hell yes!_

_Hello Kidney: Is 10am too soon?_

_Kidney Express: Nope, perfect._

_Hello Kidney: Settled. Go rest up…cause I’m a night owl and you’ll need that energy to keep up ;-)_

_Kidney Express: Whatever you say Queen Pee…I mean, Queen Bee. ;-)_

_Hello Kidney: Impressive! Urine in trouble now though!_

_Kidney Express: OMG STAAAAHP! Have a good rest of the day/night, Alex._

_Hello Kidney: Back at you, Ash <3_

Ashlyn tries really hard to ignore that little heart emoji at the end, but fat chance of that happening, especially when it’s preceded by her shortened name. “She’s officially going to be the death of me.” She sighs and lays back on the bed, staring at the ceiling for a while as her mind works to sort out what on earth is happening right now with her emotions.

\--------------------

“I really don’t think my hair has ever looked this good… seriously, so impressed.” Ashlyn lightly runs her hand up the back of her freshly faded hair. “Now I wish I lived in D.C. so he could always cut my hair.”

Ali had waltzed right in with Kyle in tow at 10am sharp as promised. Kyle hadn’t wasted a second, sitting her right down in one of the kitchen chairs and getting down to work. He had an impressive array of clipper accessories and even brought a little vacuum to clean up. Ali had just sat back and watched with a smile as Kyle clipped away while giving Ashlyn the rundown of how he had dropped out of college and had a bit of an identity crisis before realizing what he really wanted to do…turning his artistic side into becoming a stylist while feeding his love for photography on social media sites where he had gained an impressive following. After working his magic, he had proudly snapped a few pictures of her hair to post on his Instagram, cleaned up, and was off like a flash.

“Totally looks amazing. You look so good.” Ali agrees, trying hard not to let on just how attracted she is to Ashlyn right now. “He’s pretty incredible like that. Guess you’ll just have to visit a lot.”

“I guess so.” Ashlyn smiles. “So, it’s almost noon…what’s on our agenda?”

“Hmmm.” Ali thinks about it. “How about lunch and then a round of Netflix?”

“Good plan.” Ashlyn nods and hands the brunette the room service menu.

Ten minutes later, they’ve both settled on turkey club sandwiches and fries and are comfortably seated side by side on the couch while they wait for lunch to arrive.

“Can’t believe you really came to just hang out and watch TV with me all day.” Ashlyn comments.

“Of course I did!” Ali replies easily. “You’re pretty awesome company. Besides, what else would I be doing?”

“Oh I dunno, maybe writing another book?” Ashlyn raises an eyebrow in jest.

“Eh, whatever. I’m actually working on one that I got paid a bundle for upfront by my publisher, but still trying to find the right way to get to the finish. It’s close to done, but…writer’s block.” Ali admits.

“Really? That’s great! Not the writer’s block, but that you’re working on a new book.” Ashlyn clarifies. “Can I ask what it’s about?” She slowly sits up a bit more, eager to hear the answer.

“This one is about a girl who is born blind. Her father is a Foreign Service officer, so she moves a lot to different embassies all over the world, always wishing she could see all the things that can only be described to her. And then she’s eligible for a surgery that will allow her to see and she goes through with it…only to realize after it works that what she can now see just doesn’t compare to what she could feel in all the places she visited without sight. So, she struggles with gaining one sense and yet losing the experience of the others so to speak. Very much a work in progress that will likely get edited to death.” Ali shrugs.

“I honestly already can’t wait to read it. You have a gift… completely brilliant mind.” Ashlyn says sweetly.

“Really?” Ali questions is slight disbelief.

“Really.” Ashlyn assures her with a smile. “So, you have a penchant for writing about the experience of miracle cures?”

Ali’s best-seller was the story of a young woman who had terminal lung cancer in her early 20s. With only about 6 months left to live, she had met the man of her dreams…only to struggle with the idea of selfishly giving her heart to someone who could only be devastated by her death. After a tough internal battle, his relentless pursuit of her, and a surprise proposal, she had changed…realizing that she deserved to be happy and live her dream even if it was short-lived. Just a month after that realization, her cancer treatment had miraculously responded and she was in remission and expected to survive. Just as soon as she was healthy and vibrant again, everything in her life finally in place, her now-husband was diagnosed with a crippling and incurable brain tumor and she was left with a new struggle in the sudden reversal of fate.

“Apparently. I guess I just connect with some of that experience.” Ali divulges thoughtfully. “Now more than ever I suppose.” She points to her mid-section in alluding to the current situation.

“Makes sense.” Ashlyn muses. “Speaking of, can I ask you a personal question?”

“You sure can.” Ali smiles.

“You said before that your story was fiction, but the emotions were very real. Can I ask what you meant by that exactly?” Ashlyn asks respectfully.

“Well, being sick like I have been for so long… I guess everything surrounding it happens sort of gradually and you don’t really realize the roles you fall into along the way.” Ali tries to explain, pausing for a second to pull her thoughts together better.

“At first, nothing seems all that different outside of you being sick all of a sudden. But then as it goes on, between the people around you and the way your time is spent in treatment, your illness becomes this inseparable part of your identity. And you don’t even realize it, but you so easily fall into the role of ‘sick’ and ‘victim, and you start limiting yourself even when there is no reason to.” Ali elaborates and sees Ashlyn nod in understanding.

“The obvious example for me was dating. I never let myself get emotionally close to anyone for a long time. It was just better that way. I was making the choice for them that I wasn’t worth the effort. I let myself be the ‘sick’ girl, the ‘victim’. And that made its way into other parts of my life too, until I really just fell into a pattern of not doing much other than dealing with my illness because that’s what sick people do.” Ali divulges and Ashlyn gives her a tight encouraging smile.

“It was Kyle that finally knocked some sense into me and made me realize what I was doing. So, I empowered myself and realized that being sick didn’t make me a victim. It made me a fighter. I forced myself to change the way I viewed my role, kind of like in the story where the main character is forced out of her own ‘sick’ role to take care of her husband and it brings new perspective.” Ali explains.

“That’s amazing.” Ashlyn whispers, her own thoughts running wild.

“Yeah well… that is until I finally opened up and realized maybe that victim role was more protective than I thought.” Ali shrugs. “After a while, I really let myself get close to people…dated people properly, didn’t push them away.”

“Didn’t go so well, huh?” Ashlyn says sympathetically.

“Nope. For once, I let myself just go with things and really feel. Only for the people I opened up with to decide for themselves that the ‘sick’ girl was too much of a ‘victim’ for them to handle. It’s all fine for them at first because ‘hey, it’s just dialysis, not cancer or something’.” Ali rolls her eyes using her fingers to make air quotes several times.

Ashlyn internally cringes at the thought that anyone would even say something insensitive like that out loud, but just nods so Ali can continue.

 “And then comes the realization of what it means in actuality. I can’t just get up and go anywhere without planning for treatment. I spend days and hours in dialysis and appointments. And even though it’s only three days a week, sometimes the toxins build up faster in my system and I feel irritable and really crappy the whole day before my dialysis session. At the end of the day, the people I’ve dated realized soon enough that I’m just not-as-advertised. That even in the best case scenario, I would get a kidney donation that will be good for maybe 20 years if I’m majorly lucky, and then this whole cycle will repeat. Or, as my last ex put it… ‘I really like you Ali, but I’m just not prepared for the larger side of you that is the dialysis girl.’” Ali feels Ashlyn take her hand and give it a squeeze.

“So, yeah, the story was fiction. But the emotional aspect of forcing myself out of that victim role and struggling with what that means and how others perceive me…that was all real.” Ali smiles and meets Ashlyn’s eyes which look warm and a bit in wonderment, making her swallow hard as her focus goes to the tingly feeling of her hand in Ashlyn’s gentle grasp.

“Wow… exactly. Just, exactly.” Ashlyn says softly in a reverent tone.

“Care to elaborate? I’m gonna need more than that, Ash.” Ali smiles, feeling clueless about Ashlyn’s reaction.

“That’s what I connected with so much about your book.” Ashlyn scrambles to put her thoughts together. “You know how I said that I grew up in a kind of rough part of Florida?”

“Satellite Beach.” Ali confirms.

“Right. Well, it’s made a lot rougher when you’re at the bottom of the totem pole.” Ashlyn’s voice gets a bit solemn. “Between our family not having much money and me being a tomboy and kind of a bit different than the other girls, I got picked on a lot. Like pretty hardcore bullied. And then what happened with the fire and my family. I just… I never realized how much I was letting other people dictate who I was and how I felt about myself.” Ashlyn looks up to see Ali listening in rapt attention.

“I internalized it. I let myself feel bad about myself and discounted my worth, no matter what I did or how successful I was…it didn’t count in my eyes. And then I read your book and something about Eva’s struggle to transition from viewing herself as a victim to a survivor, something just clicked inside. It was the first time it hit me that I’m only a victim of my circumstances because I view myself that way. That nothing about what I went through made me a victim at all…it made me a fighter, a survivor. It was a journey…my journey… the things that I overcame to be who I am, and I’m proud of it no matter how hard or hurtful it was. I learned to embrace it.” Ashlyn tries to explain it, pausing to gauge Ali’s reaction.

“You really got all that from my book?” Ali asks quietly, stunned at how her own emotional struggle resonated so deeply with someone from such different circumstances.

“Yeah. Actually….” Ashlyn lets go of Ali’s hand to fully roll up the sleeve of her right arm. “This whole arm of tattoos was inspired by your book to be honest. It’s dedicated to my journey, my inner struggle to get to where I am. So that I never forget the wisdom and strength of where I came from. Still a work in progress.”

Ali’s eyes eagerly take in the black-inked designs that she has only gotten obstructed glimpses of so far. An owl that transforms into a person walking through a dark forest on her inner forearm. A woman’s face that is a skull in transformation with roses blooming from the top on her outer forearm. But the image on Ashlyn’s upper arm makes her gasp audibly, her eyes getting watery at the sight: a vulnerable-looking woman covering herself with her arms, the word ‘broken’ taped over her mouth as a staircase spirals from her head… the words ‘crazy, freak, awkward, don’t associate with her, fake, drama queen, hopeless, disappointing’ inked all around it. It’s powerful and tragic at the same time. It’s so clearly Ashlyn’s raw pain right there for all to see, the hatred hurled at her and internalized, her broken self out in the open. Ali can only sit in shocked admiration at what has to be one of the most beautiful testaments of agony and triumph she has ever seen. The strength and will of a person to permanently bear that on their skin and find pride and hope in it as part of themselves…it renders her speechless.

“I… wow… I don’t know what to say right now. To go through what you have and come out being so kind and so deeply aware… you’re seriously the most beautifully profound person I’ve ever met.” Ali says in complete awe.

“I could say the same about you. Your insight and your perspective. It blows my mind. And that was even before I met you I person. You’re amazing, Alex.” Ashlyn lets herself get lost in the sweet cinnamon eyes looking back into hers.

“You know, as a writer, I often view the world in terms of stories and how real life experiences could be transformed into perfectly imagined fiction. I could’ve written this story so many times…” Ali points between the two of them, “and never in a million years come up with something this good or even written a character so wonderfully complex as you.” She entwines their hands together again and scoots over to lean into Ashlyn’s side, her cheek resting against the very tattoo that left her speechless just a minute ago. “I’ve never felt so connected to someone in my entire life.”

Ashlyn smiles and rests her head on top of Ali’s, taking in the scent of grapefruit and a hint of mint. “Well, as a basketball player, I often look at life in terms of shots. Hindsight is 20/20 in sports. So, knowing what the outcome of a shot was...I think about, was it worth it and would I take it again? Would I do something different? Like that one that ended my career, knowing the outcome of that shot… have to admit I would’ve done that one differently or not taken it. But this shot right here…” Ashlyn squeezes Ali’s hand gently, “I don’t even fully know the outcome yet, but I can tell you with complete certainty that I’d take this shot exactly the same way, every single time. So, me too on the connection thing, I know exactly what you mean.” She feels Ali smile into her arm and her heart rate picks up.

Ali closes her eyes and lets herself melt further into the simultaneously electric and comforting contact between them. Unfortunately, the moment is broken just seconds later when there’s a loud knock on the door that causes them both to jolt up with Ashlyn wincing at the sudden movement before they both laugh at each other a bit. They catch each other’s eyes again just as another loud knock sounds through the room.

“Come on, hot marshmallow…I’m hungry.” Ali gets up and helps Ashlyn up off the couch.

“After you, beautiful bard…” Ashlyn smiles charmingly with a slight bow as she motions for Ali to walk ahead of her.


	8. The Difference

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For being so patient and waiting all weekend for this chapter, you get a bit of a longer one! We're getting deeper and closer every time...
> 
> Thank you for reading and don't forget to let me know what you think :-)

“My turn to ask a personal question?” Ali asks as they eat their sandwiches on the hotel room couch.

“Yep, pretty sure it’s your turn.” Ashlyn smiles and eats another fry.

“I’m just going to confess right now that I totally Googled you when I got home the other day just to see what I had missed besides those key basketball games I watched.” Ali divulges a bit shyly.

“Such a cheater!” Ashlyn replies playfully.

“It’s called being resourceful!” Ali challenges back.

“Alright, alright…what dirt did you dig up?” Ashlyn chuckles.

“I would hardly call it dirt.” Ali shoots her a look. “Anyway, I came across a pretty cool feature article in Inked magazine about your tattoos.”

“Ah yes, the one with the awkward locker-room photoshoot that pretty much had me in my underwear making pouty model faces.” Ashlyn rolls her eyes. “Not my idea by the way.”

“You looked ready to kill someone.” Ali giggles.

“I probably was.” Ashlyn replies. “The journalist who wrote the piece was great, but the photographer was a chauvinist asshole.” She motions for Ali to continue.

“You talked a lot about the meaning of the tattoos you had… the mythology aspects of your left arm sleeve that tie into your relationship with your parents, the quote on your shoulders, your American theme lower leg as a unique way to symbolize your Olympic games, the ocean theme on your thighs… and you didn’t have the right arm tattoos then, but you just told me about those.” Ali frames her question. “But in those magazine pictures, they showed a big tattoo on your ribs and side, the only one in color…and you never talked about it at all. Made me curious.”

“Yeah, those are actually my first tattoos. They symbolize some really personal aspects of my family, so I never wanted to comment on it publicly.” Ashlyn explains. “It’s not an area many people see anyway.”

“Oh ok.” Ali immediately drops the subject.

“Relax, Alex…you’re not the public.” Ashlyn lightly taps Ali’s arm when she sees the suddenly serious look on her face. “Here…” Ashlyn shifts slightly on the couch so she can be in a comfortable enough position and then lifts the side of her shirt.

Ali knew from the photos she saw on Google, the ones she admittedly spent quite a while staring at, to expect just how sculpted Ashlyn’s body is, but somehow it’s so much better in person and this is only a small glimpse. “Well, I see you haven’t slowed down with staying physically fit.” She can’t help but comment on the defined abs she sees peeking out even despite the puffiness near the three small surgical incisions that are visible.

“Psssh, never. I love working out and don’t sit still for very long.” Ashlyn waves it off. “So, these flowers are the ones engraved on my parents’ gravestone, the butterfly and swallow with the pink ribbon are for my Gram’s battle with breast cancer, the crucifix is for my Gramp who is the most religious but open-minded person I’ve ever known, and my brother over my heart of course.” She explains, lifting the side of her bra more so Ali can see the name ‘Christopher Ryan’ inked under her breast. “And the latest one I got is the laurel wreath around my neck.” She pulls the neckline of her shirt a bit. “That one was to symbolize my career, one last crown of achievement so I don’t forget how far I came. And that’s all of ‘em.” She relaxes back into the couch and takes another bite of her sandwich.

“Wow. It’s all beautiful. Truly.” Ali says in admiration. “Not only is the artistry amazing, but the stories behind them all…completely inspirational.”

“Thanks.” Ashlyn says quietly. She never got her tattoos to impress anyone, but the fact that Ali genuinely seems to appreciate them so much feels good inside. “Your turn though…show time, Alex.” She drops her mostly-eaten sandwich onto the plate rubs her hands together in playful expectation.

“Right!” Ali moves to sit up a bit more. “Well, I don’t have all that much, so it won’t take long.” She lifts the sleeve of her left arm to reveal a single word in black script on her forearm. “Liebe.” She reads it out loud. “Means love in German. The single word that captures the time I spent there.”

“I like that. Simple and powerful.” Ashlyn nods approvingly.

“And along those lines…” Ali lifts the side of her shirt and bra to reveal a large swath of black script all along her left ribcage and a bit onto her back.

Ashlyn’s breath catches at the perfectly smooth skin and toned muscles revealed along Ali’s stomach and back from what she can see. “That is so much bigger than I would ever expect.” She squeaks out when she realizes she’s been quiet too long. Her eyes now finding the various old and new surgery scars on Ali’s torso.

“Uh huh. Is that all that was unexpected?” Ali can’t help but tease when she catches Ashlyn staring with her lips slightly parted.

“Busted.” Ashlyn sighs with an embarrassed little laugh. “I’ll pathetically admit that I guess I didn’t exactly picture you as someone who was all that active, even though you ran track in high school.”

“Wrong. I still run a lot and do yoga.” Ali winks.

“Impressive. You’re clearly in amazing shape.” Ashlyn says still laughing a bit at her lack of subtly. “We should run together sometime.”

“Yeah? You still run?” Ali asks a bit surprised, but thrilled at the implication that they’ll be spending time together at some point in the future since neither of them will be running for at least a month.

“I do. I may limp like all hell with this crap ass leg and I do a lot more beach running now since pavement is really hard on my knee, but I still run. I do a lot of weight training too. It makes me feel like I’m still in an athletic routine. Old habits die hard I guess. The worst part of this surgery is probably not being able to work out properly for a while.” Ashlyn shrugs.

“I think that’s great that you still train so hard. We’ll totally run together sometime!” Ali replies happily.

“Definitely, but we’re off track and you’re still holding your shirt up, so let me just say that the script writing on that tattoo is legitimately fantastic and sharp as fuck.” Ashlyn puts it bluntly. “So, what does it say, Ms. Germany?”

“Well ok then.” Ali laughs. “It translates to ‘It is only with the heart that one can see rightly; what is essential is invisible to the eye’. It’s from…”

“The Little Prince.” Ashlyn interrupts with a warm smile.

“You know it?” Ali asks a bit stunned.

“Know it. Love it. Wished I was from Asteroid B612 half of my childhood.” Ashlyn says proudly. “One of my favorites.”

“Mine too.” Ali smiles back. “So, I picked that as the first book I read in German since I knew it so well in English and it helped me learn the language. And actually, this quote is what gave me the idea for that new book I’m working on about the blind woman.”

“That’s so cool.” Ashlyn says in wonderment, never having thought all that much about the quote until right now, the true beauty of it hitting her for the first time. “So, just those two tattoos?” She adds as she tries to shake the fog from her head.

“No. One more.” Ali replies and puts her plate down beside her on the couch. “This one has taken on some new meaning as of late thanks to you. Sorry… private spot.” She apologizes as she pulls down the waist of her leggings a bit to reveal her right hip bone.

Ashlyn leans over a bit to look even though it hurts her still pretty sore stomach to stretch like this. She immediately sees a small black-ink tattoo of a tree stump with ‘give.’ written underneath it in typewriter font. It takes her a second to realize why it is so familiar. “The Giving Tree?” She asks knowingly.

“Yes. That has always been my motto and inspiration… I’m here today, give everything I have to the very end.” Ali says softly.

“I love that. You’re remarkable, Alex… truly wonderful.” Ashlyn whispers, completely awestruck by the brunette’s strength and determination.

“I bet you say that to all the girls.” Ali teases as she pulls her waistband up and breaks the moment because her rapid heartrate is starting to make her feel kind of dizzy.

“Nah, just the ones that I give organs to.” Ashlyn laughs and then eats the last bite of her sandwich.

“Well now I feel extra special.” Ali grins and quickly shoves a few fries into her mouth before her face gives away the fact that she thought she heard Ashlyn say ‘orgasms’ for a split second.

“You should.” Ashlyn grins and then lets out a short sigh. “As much as I hate to admit it, I probably need to be in a more vertical position for a bit. I’m feeling the pain kicking up. Can we do Netflix in the bedroom and I’ll take my medicine?”

“That sounds perfect.  I need to take all my medicine now too.” Ali agrees and gets up, extending her hand to Ashlyn to help her get off the couch best she can.

\------------

“You realize you weren’t supposed to come over here to be my nurse, right?” Ashlyn says as Ali arranges another pillow behind her shoulders. “You’re just as much in recovery as I am.”

“Well yeah, but I’m also technically way ahead of you and I’d like to see you try and reach behind your back right now.” Ali challenges. “Much easier if I just do it.”

“Touché.” Ashlyn immediately concedes and gets comfortable just as Ali lays down about a foot away on the left side of the king bed.

They spend a few minutes discussing what types of shows they like before they agree to just start a series that neither of them has seen before. They’ve just started scrolling through the Netflix menu of popular series when Ashlyn’s phone rings.

“Sorry, it’ll just be a couple minutes.” Ashlyn reaches over to answer her phone after seeing who it is.

“Hi Gram. I’m doing good, little better every day. Yes, the hotel is still nice and the food is still good. Yes, I’m eating enough. No, the nurse hasn’t come yet today. Yes, I’ll make sure to call the hospital if she doesn’t come soon.” Ashlyn rolls her eyes with an apologetic little smile at Ali.

“It’s ok.” Ali mouths silently and smiles at the sweet little conversation she’s overhearing.

“Gram, really, I’m fine. I actually have company… Ali is here visiting me today.” Ashlyn says hoping it will speed things up a bit. “How are you and Gramp?” She nods her head a few times with a few more ‘okays’ before her eyes go wide. “What? Why? That’s weird.” She pauses for before letting out a long breath. “Ugh…ok, ok.” She turns to Ali. “Um… Gram wants to know if we can all FaceTime?”

“Of course.” Ali agrees.

“Ok, Gram…let me call you back in like a couple minutes.” Ashlyn ends the call. “Oh god, I am so sorry. I never should have taught them to FaceTime.”

“Awww, it’s cute! Don’t be sorry.” Ali assures her.

“You don’t understand, that woman has no filter.” Ashlyn warns her.

“Have you met my brother?” Ali raises an eyebrow.

“Fair point. But still, this is your warning.” Ashlyn tells her again.

“Just FaceTime her already, Ash.” Ali encourages her.

Ashlyn positions her phone so both she and Ali can be seen on the screen before hitting the call button. It only rings twice before it connects.

“Hello, hello! Well, you are absolutely beautiful! Kit, why didn’t you tell me she was so beautiful?” Gram says cheerily.

“Because then you’d do exactly this.” Ashlyn groans.

“Don’t you sass me, Kit.” Gram scolds her. “Nice to finally put a face with a name, Ali. I’m Eunice, but everyone just calls me Gram.”

Ali turns a bit red, but can’t help but smile at the sweet old woman on the screen with the exact same eyes and lips as Ashlyn. “Really nice to meet you too. Ashlyn talks so highly of you.”

“Well that makes two of us then.” Gram winks and Ashlyn groans again. “How are you recovering so far, everything going well? I worry about you girls.”

“Everything is going extremely well. I’m feeling great and all looks good. I’m just here to take care of your granddaughter cause she’s lagging behind me.” Ali teases a bit, already feeling like she’s known this woman for years.

“Well aren’t you a lovely little bumblebee.” Gram smiles sweetly. “That makes me feel better.”

Ashlyn’s eyes practically bug out of her head at the pet name that just came out of Gram’s mouth, but Ali starts talking again before she can react any further.

“Really though. Ashlyn means everything to me and my family, she’s one of us now and we’ll take really good care of her until she gets to go home.” Ali promises.

“You’re a sweet gem, Bumble. Same goes for you, anything you need, you let us know! So, when will you come and visit us?” Gram asks.

“Easy Gram…” Ashlyn tries to interject, but immediately gets cut off.

“Quiet, Kit…I’m talking to Ali.” Gram shushes Ashlyn.

“Oh well, I haven’t been able to travel very much for quite a long time. Things are changing though, aren’t they? So maybe…” Ali thinks it over in her head. “Tell you what, as soon as I get cleared to travel, you’ll be my first trip!”

“Oh delight! I’m holding you to that.” Gram says excitedly. “I should let you two rest. Kit, you look exhausted.” She eyes Ashlyn through the phone.

“Gee, thanks Gram.” Ashlyn shoots the woman a look. “Tell Gramp I said hi. Josh will come by to mow the lawn, so don’t either of you attempt it! And I’ll handle the rest of the weeds and stuff when I’m back, so don’t even think about it.” She warns.

“You just focus on getting better. We’ll be fine. Go nap and call the hospital if that nurse isn’t there by 4pm!” Gram instructs. “Bumble, you make sure she does.” She addresses Ali.

“Promise I will.” Ali smiles widely. “Really nice to meet you.”

“You too, sweet Bumble. Take care of yourselves. All our love and healing wishes to you both. Nighty night.” Gram says sweetly.

“Goodnight!” Ali replies.

“Night, Gram. Love you.” Ashlyn says before blowing a kiss and ending the call. “Sooo… that was my Gram.”

“Oh my gosh, I LOVE her!” Ali says genuinely. “She’s awesome and so sweet!”

“Well you charmed her pants off, so the feeling is mutual, trust me.” Ashlyn replies, still a bit stunned by the whole thing.

“Was I too over-the-top? I wasn’t trying to charm. I meant everything I said.” Ali asks a bit worriedly.

“No, no, relax Alex. That woman can spot bullshit 100 miles away, she absolutely loves you already. You have no idea…that bumblebee thing was just…wow.” Ashlyn reassures her.

“Yeah, what does that mean? Also, Kit?” Ali inquires.

“Kit and Kaboodle is what she always called me and Chris, because when you got one, you always got the other.” Ashlyn explains. “As for bumblebee… Gram always says that the hardest working and most important creatures on earth are bumblebees. I haven’t heard her call anyone that since her best friend passed away about 5 years ago. It’s a big deal.”

“Oh geez…talk about pressure to live up to a nickname.” Ali says nervously.

“Well, you’re off to a hell of start.” Ashlyn smiles at her. “Just be yourself…she’s right… you’re lovely and a total gem. Gram is always right.”

“And now I know where you got all of your charm from.” Ali shoots Ashlyn a playful look.

“Nah, you haven’t met my Gramp yet. That’s where I got all my charm from.” Ashlyn replies.

“Can’t wait. I bet he’s amazing. That whole thing was so sweet just now. They clearly love you so much and the way you obviously respect and take such good care of them totally melts my heart.” Ali says softly.

“They’re everything to me.” Ashlyn says simply and watches Ali smile. “So, what should we watch?” She gets them back on track.

It only takes them another five minutes to settle on Stranger Things since neither of them has watched it yet. And it only takes them three episodes to start debating what they think is happening on the show. Ali’s theory is that Eleven is some kind of alien-human hybrid created in a lab. Ashlyn is in the midst of countering that theory with her own belief that Eleven is a virus test subject when there’s a knock at the door.

“Must be the nurse.” Ashlyn says as she looks at her watch.

“Stay, I’ll go get the door.” Ali offers and is up off the bed before Ashlyn can protest.

“Hi, Ashlyn. Just here to have a look at those incisions and check your vitals quickly. How are you feeling today?” Sammie, the same visiting nurse as yesterday, asks as she comes into the room with Ali in tow.

“I’m feeling okay, some soreness still, especially when I sit up for a while. The medication handles it just fine though.” Ashlyn answers.

“That’s normal for where you’re at.” Sammie replies as she take a quick blood pressure. “I can check you quickly too since you’re here, Ali.”

“Oh yeah, ok.” Ali agrees. “I can just wait out on the couch.” She points to the bedroom door.

“No need. No one’s getting naked.” Ashlyn assures her and motions for Ali to sit, watching the brunette nod and sit on the end of the bed.

“Ok all good, let’s have a look.” Sammie says after she’s done with a basic check of Ashlyn’s eyes, throat, pulse, temperature, and blood pressure. She helps Ashlyn lift her shirt and lower the waist of her pajama pants well below her belly button to where the larger 5 inch incision is, very gently palpating each incision and looking them over.

Ali tries not to stare, but between Ashlyn’s side tattoo and her muscular torso, it’s hard not to. As good as the view is, her eyes soon fall on a significant patch of discolored skin along the right side of the short-haired woman’s stomach. It’s just a bit smaller than size of a football and the cause is unmistakable. The skin is pale pink, almost wrinkled and melted looking… a serious burn scar. Her mind wanders to what Ashlyn told her about the fire, her heart aching over the physical and emotional pain she must have gone through.

“Healing well, Ashlyn. You’re up, Ali.” Sammie changes her gloves and moves towards Ali who quickly pulls herself together and then lies back, lifting her shirt to reveal the single 8-inch curved incision on her lower left belly. “That looks really excellent and those sterile strips will be falling off in no time.” The nurse comments. “Ok ladies, you’re clearly doing great, so I’ll let you be. Remember to rest plenty, eat well, move around as much as you can, and take your medicine as directed. And call if you need anything. I’ll be back tomorrow, Ashlyn.” She gives them a few final instructions as she sanitizes her hands and packs up her bag before giving a little wave on her way out the door.

They immediately settle right back into their Stranger Things binge-watching, but don’t even make it through the next episode before they both fall sleep.

It’s Ali who wakes up first to the orange glow of the setting sun streaming in through the window. It takes her a second to get her bearings before she turns her head and sees Ashlyn snoozing beside her, a smile immediately coming to her face at the realization of where she is.

Ali takes advantage of the moment to study the former basketball player’s features… her strong jawline and cheekbones, long eyelashes, perfected shaped eye-brows, smooth skin…her soft full lips that contrast her small narrow nose… the smattering of tiny freckles that start near the base of her neck and disappear into her shirt… her lean, long body and large hands with nicely manicured fingernails…she’s a so peaceful in her slumber, lips slightly parted with soft puffs of air escaping them. She’s a real life masterpiece.

It’s then that it finally hits Ali what feels so different about this. Outside of her family, her connections with others since she got sick have always been a struggle. It has always been an effort to be interested in someone, to stay invested enough to get to know them. And even then, it has always seemed a bit forced in one way or another. The last time she just clicked with someone right away was with Jim and that was easy because he could immediately understand an aspect of her life that many others could not. Ashlyn doesn’t match Jim in that regard, and yet, they have still connected so seamlessly. This is just…different.

Ali lays there for a few minutes thinking about it further, her mind trying to decipher more deeply why this feels so different. She laughs a bit to herself when the thought hits her that as great connecting to someone like Jim was, Jim isn’t a hot lesbian with a killer single-dimpled smile, perfect hair, gorgeous hazel eyes, an athletic body that belongs on the cover of a magazine and, more importantly, a captivating mind, delightful wit, and a beautiful personality that put all those physical assets to shame. To say that this is different is an understatement. Before she has any more time to ponder it, her very full bladder makes it clear that it can’t wait any longer. She looks Ashlyn over one more time, ironically wishing she didn’t have to pee despite the fact that she has spent the last 13 years wishing she could.

 

\----------

“There she is!” Ali says cheerily when she sees Ashlyn’s eyes open just as she settles back onto the bed. “About time, I’m starving!”

“Mmmph… why didn’t you just wake me up?” Ashlyn says groggily, her eyes adjusting to the dim light of the room as she turns her head to see the clock.

“I was kidding. I just woke up like 10 minutes ago and went to the bathroom.” Ali replies, her smile growing wider at how adorable Ashlyn looks all sleepy and trying to get her bearings. “I actually am hungry though.”

“Me too.” Ashlyn admits. “Room service again or do you want to look at the menus for the places that deliver? Both are on the desk.”

“Room service is good.” Ali goes to grab the menu. “I actually tend to eat a little lighter for dinner. I’m thinking maybe soup and salad.” She starts to look over the options.

“That sounds really good, I usually don’t eat as much at dinner either.” Ashlyn slowly gets up. “I have to pee. Order me something? Whatever soup or salad you pick is great, I eat them all.”

“I’m on it. Urine good hands!” Ali practically snorts laughing at her own joke.

“Oh dear lord, just when I thought you couldn’t possibly get any lamer.” Ashlyn can’t help but guffaw.

“Please, get on my level!” Ali replies proudly.

“Urine possible.” Ashlyn tries to deadpan, but immediately breaks out laughing.

“Ohhhh yaaas queen!” Ali high-fives Ashlyn as the short-haired woman walks by on her way to the bathroom. “Urine deep now!”

“Easy Alex, save some for later.” Ashlyn shakes her head.

“Urine for a lot more!” Ali calls out.

“Who knew donating a kidney could be such torture?” Ashlyn jokes.

“You love every minute of my lameness.” Ali protests.

“Maybe a little.” Ashlyn winks and shuts the bathroom door.

\---------

After a nice dinner where the two of them manage to sit at the little dining table in the kitchen area, they agree to get ready for bed so they can watch some more TV and eventually fall asleep.

“Let me set-up the couch so I can just easily move there later.” Ali says as she finishes changing into her pajamas that consist of cotton shorts and a tank top.

“What? Why?” Ashlyn asks in confusion.

“Well, I don’t want to impose or, even worse, end up hurting you in the night.” Ali explains.

“Alex, we just spend half the day watching TV and napping in the same bed just fine…how is this any different? You’re not sleeping on the couch.” Ashlyn insists.

“You’re sure?” Ali checks again.

“Positive. Get comfy.” Ashlyn points to the bed to make her point before going to grab her own pair of shorts from the small dresser in the room. “Oh…”

“What?” Ali asks at hearing the hesitant tone coming from Ashlyn.

“Well, when I’m by myself I always just sleep in a sports bra. But when I do fall asleep with a shirt on, I almost always wake up with it off again because I apparently wake up at some point and get rid of it. I’ve had to pre-warn every teammate I’ve ever roomed with. I swear I’ll keep a shirt on as long as I can, but I can’t guarantee it’ll be there in the morning. Sorry. I promise to stay covered by the sheets and I always manage to keep the sports bra on.” Ashlyn says sheepishly.

“And now she’s going to get bashful?” Ali eyes her playfully. “Wasn’t it you who just said ‘no one’s getting naked’ when the nurse was here? Been there, done that, seen it. So relax and just take it off to begin with and get comfy, you midnight exhibitionist you.” She points to the bed mockingly just like Ashlyn did a minute ago.

“Bite me, bard.” Ashlyn sticks her tongue out, pulling her shirt off and heading to the bathroom to change into her shorts.

“I just might if you don’t watch it.” Ali teases in warning. “I’m not always gentle.”

“Dang…maybe you should sleep on the couch then, Count Dracula.” Ashlyn laughs.

“Nah, I already stole one of your organs…I can’t be any worse than that. Urine luck!” Ali shrugs.

“And away we go again. You’re losing cool points every second.” Ashlyn snickers and walks just inside the door of the bathroom to change out of sight.

“I never claimed to be cool.” Ali counters.

“Doesn’t matter, I still think your cool.” Ashlyn shouts from inside the bathroom.

“Awww, so sweet. You’re back on my good side.” Ali plays back.

“Good, wouldn’t want to _piss_ you off.” Ashlyn pops her head out of the bathroom door and winks at Ali with a dimpled grin.

“You’ve been waiting to set yourself up for that one haven’t you?” Ali raises her eyebrows with a smile.

“Duh. I’m good like that.” Ashlyn says cockily.

“I won’t deny it.” Ali concedes. “Now hurry up, The Voice is about to start.”

\-----------

They’re halfway through a second episode of House Hunters after watching The Voice when Ali sees Ashlyn yawn and knows that sleep isn’t too far off.  She watches the short-haired woman look over and smile at her, instinctively doing what feels right at the moment and reaching to hold Ashlyn’s hand.

“Today was really nice, I hope we get to do it again before you have to leave.” Ali says hopefully.

“I’d love that. You have an open invitation, any day and as many days as you want.” Ashlyn replies back immediately, her own tone hopeful.

“Settled. I’ll be here as often as I can.” Ali promises with a smile and scoots a little bit closer as the show comes back from commercial. It only takes her a couple seconds after that to feel the heat of Ashlyn’s skin against her forearm, her heart jumping and her face cringing at what she just did without realizing. Her lumpy, gross fistula is now pressed against Ashlyn’s arm as they hold hands and she can’t believe she was so careless. She felt comfortable enough tonight to go sleeveless, but now panic is setting in as she waits for the inevitable.

She waits for Ashlyn to feel the odd sensation against her arm and realize what it is…waits for the tiny little flinch to cross her face… waits for the almost imperceptibly slow movement away until only their hands are touching and nothing else. She waits for the scenario to play out the same way as it has with everyone else she’s been in this situation with…when will she learn.  Her heart drums as she watches Ashlyn’s eyes go back to the TV when the show starts back up…she waits. Her stomach clenches as the seconds tick by, just willing it to happen so she can just move away and get it over with…she waits. She waits…seconds…minutes… but it never comes. There is no flinch, no moving away… Ashlyn just manages to press their arms even closer together as she moves to entwine their fingers.

“You okay, Alex?” Ashlyn looks over to see Ali’s staring back at her with a strange look on her face. She wonders if maybe she went too far with the hand holding.

“Never ever been better.” Ali whispers and lets herself breathe again, her body slowly relaxing and her heart drumming for a whole other reason now. Ashlyn just smiles at her sweetly and looks back at the TV before starting to play with her fingers.

It’s in this moment that Ali’s brain finally catches up to her feelings. This is different and it will always be different because Ashlyn Harris is different in every single way that matters. There is no one like her and there never will be. She may have Ashlyn’s kidney, but Ashlyn has her heart. She holds the hand in hers a little more firmly and vows that no matter how self-conscious she might feel, she’s not letting go of this hand tonight. And, if she has it her way, she’s never letting go of its owner either.

\------------

The show is over in what seems like a couple minutes even though it was easily a half hour and Ali sees Ashlyn yawn again, her own tiredness becoming evident as well.

“You wiped?” Ali asks.

“Yeah, despite doing nothing all day and taking a huge nap.” Ashlyn admits. “Is it ok if we go to bed?”

“We are in bed.” Ali jokes.

“Right. Where the queen of lame is lying right beside me.” Ashlyn teases back and turns off the TV.

“You know it.” Ali reaches over to turn off the bedside lamp.

A couple minutes of silence pass and Ali wonders if Ashlyn has fallen asleep already until she feels fingers playing with her own again. Their arms are still closely pressed together and Ali’s heart pounds, the darkness emboldening her. “Hey Ash?”

“Yeah?” Ashlyn replies back immediately.

“What’s your biggest fear?” Ali asks, wanting to understand even the deepest, darkest places in this woman’s soul.

“Fire.” Ashlyn admits freely as if it’s not something she hides from everyone and keeps buried very deeply. She feels Ali’s thumb rub circles on the top of her hand and just keeps talking. “Pretty badly too. It took me 5 years of pretty intense post-traumatic stress therapy to come to terms with dealing with it in a way that doesn’t leave me incapacitated. I can handle fire outdoors now and even enjoy it, like bonfires, grills, stuff like that. And it’s also why I enjoy cooking so much… it’s a way for me to feel in control of fire and turn it into something good and productive. But I still have some major limits. I really can’t do fire indoors outside of cooking. Candles, lit fireplaces… it still sets off some panic inside. At times when I’m tired or already stressed, I’ve actually had to leave restaurants that have real candles on the tables. I even wear a perfume scent called Cade by L’Occitane that has smoky tones to it mixed in with bergamot and lavender. It has helped desensitize me a bit to the smell of smoke so I am less likely to be triggered by it so easily. Kind of pathetic.”

“There is absolutely nothing pathetic about it.” Ali files away everything Ashlyn just said, not even conscious of the fact that she just made a mental note to never try to set a romantic mood for her with candles. “What you went through must have been terrifying. I can’t even imagine. Look at how far you’ve come…be proud of that. I’m proud of you.” She feels Ashlyn pull her arm in a little closer and squeeze her hand.

“Thanks, Alex.” Ashlyn whispers. “I’m not even sure why I just told you that. I’ve kept it pretty hidden from everyone except my therapist. I’ve learned to have a pretty good poker face when I’m panicked. My Gram is the most intuitive person I’ve ever met, but it even took her a long time to realize something was off. She loves scented candles and only caught on when I kept buying her those melting candle patties that you use a little hot plate for with no flame. We never talked about it, but it’s pretty clear that she eventually realized something was up, especially when I got more relaxed and spent more time at home once the candles were gone.” Ashlyn lets out a light laugh.

“Even in your fear, you’re the bravest person I know.” Ali says seriously and resumes rubbing circles on Ashlyn’s hand. “Thanks for telling me that. I promise you can trust me with your secret.”

“I know I can.” Ashlyn replies simply and smiles into the dark. “So, do I get to know yours?”

“You sure do. Hell, I’ll give you my top two.” Ali replies. “I’m afraid to be boxed into categories that might put limits on me later on, even when the category fits.”

“Not sure I fully understand.” Ashlyn tries decipher what Ali is saying.

“Like… in my first book, the main character was originally a lesbian. The ‘husband’ was originally written as a wife.” Ali divulges.

“Really?” Ashlyn asks in surprise. Honestly, if anything in Ali’s book could have been more perfect, it would have been that. Eva had seemed so familiar to her as a character and the only thing Ashlyn couldn’t connect with was the heterosexual romance aspect. “Why’d you change it?”

“Two reasons. One, the publishing editor convinced me that having a heterosexual main character would make the book more mainstream and get me to best-selling status. Then I could use my popularity to write the kind of book I wanted after that and still be successful. So, business strategy.  But really it also hit me that if anyone did figure out my identity, having a lesbian main character would just lead people to draw the parallels and slap that label on me too. And I didn’t want that.” Ali tries to explain.

“So…you don’t consider yourself a lesbian?” Ashlyn asks a bit confused, especially seeing as how Ali so confidently came out to her right from the start.

“No, I do. I guess. Well…I just don’t like to label myself and I don’t want people to label me is all. The thing is that I’ve only ever been attracted to women, only been with women and never see that changing. I’m not ashamed of it and I’m open and proud of who I am. But, I also know that I grow to love people, not genders. So, I’m just always afraid that if I put myself in some category, that I’ll end up missing out on something or someone great because of a stupid label. You know?” Ali elucidates.

“Well that makes complete sense. I’ve never thought about it like that, but I can completely see where you’re coming from. In truth, I’m pretty fluid in that regard too. It takes a pretty remarkable person to understand that about themselves and stay true to it.” Ashlyn says, clearly impressed.

“Thank you. Like I said…it’s fear driven, but I’ll take your high praise anyway.” Ali jokes.

“So, what’s the second one?” Ashlyn asks.

“I’m positively terrified of losing the people I love. It’s actually the whole reason I’m okay with this whole kidney thing. It gives me some pretty good assurance that in all likelihood I’ll be long gone before they are.” Ali reveals and feels a suddenly a bit less burdened at the thought now that it’s out in the open. “You know, I’ve never said that out loud before. You’re officially the only one that knows that about me.” She adds quietly.

“I’m truly honored, and just like you said before…your secret is safe with me.” Ashlyn says warmly and extends her fingers that are entwined with Ali’s so that the tips are just brushing the brunette’s outer hip. “We kind of share that one… my other fears are being alone and hospitals. Hospitals because they remind me of the death of my family.”

Ali doesn’t say anything, she just leans over so her cheek is pressed against the top of Ashlyn’s shoulder. “Well this took a morbid turn, didn’t it? Whose idea was this again?” She lightens the mood.

“All you, Hello Kidney.” Ashlyn laughs. “Care to redeem yourself?”

“Hmmm…tell me three of your favorite things.” Ali requests.

“You first this time.” Ashlyn replies.

“Ok, let’s see…” Ali thinks for a second. “The smell of freshly mowed sweet grass. A blanket just out of the dryer. Leaving my window open and falling asleep to the sound and smell of rain on a stormy night. Your turn.”

“Excellent answers.” Ashlyn says approvingly before revealing her own. “Sitting on the beach at night listening to the waves. The moon, because it’s something that’s the same no matter where I am and it makes me feel grounded. And deep conversations where you just connect with someone so intensely without even trying.”

“Conversations like this one?” Ali asks softly with a little smile on her face.

“Exactly like this one.” Ashlyn replies and feels Ali move closer towards her.

“You’re my favorite too.” Ali whispers and presses a kiss to the top of Ashlyn’s shoulder, laying head there. “Goodnight, Ash.”

“Sweet dreams, Alex.” Ashlyn whispers back and moves her head to rest on the top of Ali’s, immediately lulled by the scent of her shampoo and finding peace in the fact that this time there will be no fighting. She has spent her whole life battling what’s in front of her…fighting against the loss of her family, the loss of her career… struggling to make something out of nothing, to be a light in the dark…combatting her fears of letting others in, only to fail. But not this time. All that battle and struggle has led her to this… a twist of fate which she can rest in knowing she won’t fight against in the slightest.

Ashlyn feels Ali nuzzle in just a bit closer, the warm skin of the brunette’s arm pressing against the side of her bare stomach now and igniting a fire in that spot for the second time in her life, the burning a welcome sensation this time around. This right here is where her heart has taken her, to Alex Krieger and something she has never felt this strongly before. Love. She is without a doubt, completely in love. Her heart is Ali’s now and she’s going to follow it no matter what.


	9. The Sweep

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Closer, closer...almost...
> 
> I'm sure these next comments are going be fun given all the tension up in here haha... love to hear your thoughts :-)
> 
> Heads up that i'm traveling most of Weds and all of Thursday, so I'm going to try and post chapters 10 and 11 before then and then try to leave you with 12 before the weekend. Every one of these chapters is over 6000 words, so you'll get your fill! That's what you can expect this week.

“Oh princess… spill it, girl.” Kyle practically singsongs as Ali gets herself buckled into his car.

Ali rolls her eyes, barely even settled into the seat before Kyle is already up to his antics. “Spill what, weirdo?”

“Don’t you even, Alexandra!” Kyle warns. “Right now you look like that time you woke up on Christmas morning and Mom and Dad surprised you with that new bike.”

“Oh, I loved that bike!” Ali reminisces.

“Yeah, uh huh… so, what else are we loving right now?” Kyle asks smugly with raised eyebrows peeking out of his sunglasses.

“Oh for fuck’s sake, cut the shit.” Ali glares at him.

“Come on, you spent a whole day with her and slept over. You’re so damn happy I can literal feel it pouring off of you and your smile is blinding me…you’re telling me nothing happened last night?” He says in complete disbelief.

“Of course something happened.” Ali rolls her eyes at him again.

“Squeeeeee!” Kyle shrieks happily. “Oh. Em. Gee! Yaaaas! Tell me everything! Give me the dirty!”

“ _THAT_ didn’t happen you dipshit!” Ali smacks him on the shoulder.

“Owww! Well what did you expect me to think?! Can’t blame a guy for being happy for you, geez.” Kyle challenges. “Fucking tell me already! What _did_ happen?”

“I don’t know. We talked a lot, got to know each other better. We shared some big secrets, got into pretty deep conversations. We watched a lot of TV, held hands, flirted a little, and fell asleep kinda cuddling a bit. It was nice.” Ali elaborates.

“Awwww… and?” Kyle looks at her knowingly.

“And…” Ali sighs hesitantly, not sure saying this out loud is good idea.

“Say it…I already know.” Kyle encourages her.

“I think I’m in love.” Ali whispers.

“You think?” Kyle presses her.

Ali just shoots him a look with a half smirk.

“Yeah, thought so.” Kyle smirks back. “So, let me break this down… you had deep meaningful conversation, got totally swept off your feet, slept in her bed, cuddled, you’re feeling the love, and her high level of sexy isn’t up for debate as far as I’m concerned…and yet, no kissing? Nothing?”

“I’d hardly call that nothing.” Ali protests. “But, nothing else happened.”

“Why the hell not?” Kyle probes.

“I don’t know, Ky. Like what does this all mean and where can this even go? She lives in Florida… and this is coming out of such an intense circumstance. Is it real? Am I grasping onto emotions and making more out of this situation than I should be? And who the heck needs some sickly girl hanging around as extra baggage?” Ali questions dejectedly, letting her fears about this whole thing come out.

“Woah, Alex. Slow down, honey.” Kyle gets serious and reaches over to hold her face and make her look up at him. “First off… you are not extra baggage, you are the whole damn package and then some, you hear me?”

“Yeah. Thank you. I need the reminder sometimes.” Ali replies, knowing he’s right. They’ve been down this road and she knows better now, she has a lot more to offer than her illness. Her confidence starts to come back to her.

“Good. Now, haven’t you been waiting your whole damn life for the intense magic of love that everyone talks about? And now that it’s finally here, you’re telling me that you’re going to run away from it because it’s just as intense as advertised?” Kyle appeals to her. “Booboo, love is powerful in any situation. This one is no different just because she also happens to be amazing enough to have given you a kidney. Fuck, it makes her all that much better if you ask me.”

“Yeah okay fine, but how do I know the feelings are real and this isn’t just coming from a place where I feel indebted to her or something?” Ali muses out loud.

“Ok, it’s a fair question. But let me ask you this… if she had ended up being some middle-aged military dude, do you think you’d be in this situation right now?” Kyle questions.

“No, I suppose not.” Ali admits.

“And you’ve dated plenty and met lots of people… have you ever felt this way about anyone?” He presses further.

“No.” Ali whispers.

“It’s real, Booboo. Let yourself feel it and follow your heart.” Kyle rubs her arm lightly. “Enjoy it, Al… it’s the start of an amazing adventure for you. I can feel it. Plus, I think she’s fucking awesome. She’s like a funfetti cupcake with funfetti frosting and some more sprinkles on top just for the hell of it. And I couldn’t be happier for you.”

“You really think so? Really?” Ali asks quietly.

“I really do. Come here.” He gives her a hug over the console as best he can.

“So…” Ali sighs. “What do you think I should do? I don’t even know how to go about this. You think she feels something too?”

“Puhleeease, she’d be a damn fool not to. But yeah, I mean the way she looks at you…fire.” Kyle smirks.

Ali can’t help but slightly flinch at his word choice after what Ashlyn told her last night, but she puts it out of her mind. “Why is this so hard?”

“It’s not hard. It’s really simple. Keep opening your heart to her and just let it take you where it takes you. Don’t hold back and act on what you feel.” Kyle lays it out for her.

“I can do that… I think.” Ali says with some resolve. “What would I do without you?”

“For starters, you’d have a terrible fashion sense and no one to watch Project Runway with, sooo… you’re welcome.” Kyle says with sass. “Love you and no matter what happens, I’m here like always.”

“Love you too.” Ali says sweetly.

“Good…good, just keep repeating that phrase and then maybe it’ll come right out to the person who needs to hear it most.” Kyle winks.

“Oh just shut up and drive us home, diva.” Ali rolls her eyes yet again.

\-------------

Ashlyn has a little extra pep in her step this morning as she gets back to the hotel room from her short walk, quickly tipping the bellhop that she paid to accompany her and carry her bags back.

“Thanks again, Thomas. You can just put them on the counter over there.” Ashlyn points to the kitchen area of the room.

“Sure thing, Ashlyn. My pleasure. Let me know anytime if you need anything else.” He smiles at her, still shocked that she had paid him $500 for 30 minutes of his time, well over the $50 per hour rate the hotel had quoted her for a service like this. “Have a great day.”

“You too.” Ashlyn replies as he walks to the door and makes his way out. She gives herself 10 minutes to rest on the couch before emptying the grocery bags, putting a few things in the fridge, and going to shower.

The last three days have been pretty boring on her own since Ali hadn’t been able to come back to visit yet. She’s spent the time watching a lot of TV, rereading Ali’s book yet again, and also taking short walks to wander around the surrounding neighborhood. When she’s hasn’t been texting or talking to Ali on the phone, she’s been thinking about her. With Ali having two back-to-back days of follow-up appointments and her own full day of scans and tests yesterday at the hospital, even their phone contact has been limited. When Ali had called last night to say she’d be coming over today and staying the night, Ashlyn’s mind had gone into overdrive, wanting to make everything perfect and immediately thinking of the small grocery store nearby that she stumbled upon on one of her walks.

She spends a little extra time primping and getting her hair just right, taking time to put together a comfortable but nice outfit, and even putting on some light make-up for the first time since before the surgery. In no way is today a date, but the anticipatory feelings inside sure make it feel like one.

\----------------

“Hey you.” Ashlyn breaks out into a dimpled grin and pulls Ali into a gentle hug as soon the brunette enters the room.

“Hey sunshine.” Ali replies with her own nose crinkling smile and lets herself melt into the hug for a few extra seconds before letting go.

“Alright, so tell me everything. How’s my kidney doing?” Ashlyn asks eagerly as they settle onto the couch, knowing that both of them had gotten the results this morning of their testing from the last couple of days.

“I am happy to report that your super kidney is kicking serious ass. Well above normal kidney function numbers and already enlarging to handle the workload of two. No signs of any rejection, cell mutations, or cyst formation.” Ali reports happily.

“Woooo! That’s what I’m talking about! That’s so great, Alex!” Ashlyn replies back excitedly and reaches to high-five the brunette. “Anything else?”

“Eh, little bad news, but also good news in some sense.” Ali replies evenly.

“What’s wrong?” Ashlyn asks in concern, confused at what Ali means by that statement.

“You know how I said that my fistula isn’t in the best shape?” Ali starts and Ashlyn nods. “It’s in pretty rough shape and not likely repairable at this point. There are two small aneurysms developing now and likely to get worse pretty fast. As much as it’s my access port for dialysis and we’re nowhere near the initial safety window of 6 months to have some confidence that this kidney won’t get rejected…given my family medical history, the risk for developing infections or clots that could jeopardize the kidney are higher than the risk of removing the fistula. So, I’m scheduled have it removed in 11 days.”

“Oh… geez. How major is the surgery?” Ashlyn asks worriedly.

“Not really major. Outpatient surgery with local anesthesia and just typical incision healing after that without any crazy recovery time.” Ali says matter-of-factly.

“So why is it good news? More surgery sounds bad to me, as does the idea of losing your dialysis access port.” Ashlyn inquires.

“Well, I was gonna need surgery on it at some point anyway and I pretty much hate the thing. So, I’ll happily get rid of it and trade this lumpy garden hose in my arm for two thin scars. Besides, there are other ways to do dialysis and they can always place a neck catheter to do it for a temporary time period if needed. And I could always have another fistula done in my other arm. So, can’t say I’m sad to see Penelope go.” Ali explains.

“Penelope?” Ashlyn quirks an eyebrow.

“Kyle named it.” Ali laughs with a shrug.

“Of course he did.” Ashlyn chuckles. “Sorry you have to have surgery again so soon.”

“It’s ok. I’m honestly fine with it and happy everything is going so well otherwise.” Ali waves it off. “So, forget all that. How are you doing?”

“I’m actually doing great. Good healing, normal bloodwork and function numbers, and my kidney is also enlarging to compensate. So we’re both growing and showing.” Ashlyn jokes and then clears her throat before just putting the rest out there, feeling heavy just thinking about it. “Dr. Carter says I’ll be cleared to go home in about 5 to 7 days.”

“Oh wow, Ash… that’s such great news! I’m so glad you’re doing so much better and on the road to getting back to normal.” Ali chooses her words carefully even though her stomach drops and a lump forms in her throat at the suddenly impending deadline.

“Yeah.” Ashlyn says evenly and then immediately changes the subject. “Are you hungry?”

“Definitely.” Ali replies even though she kind of just lost her appetite.

“Perfect. Come on.” Ashlyn gets up and motions towards the kitchen, pointing to one of the chairs for Ali to sit.

“What are we doing?” Ali asks curiously.

“I’m cooking. You’re keeping me company in the kitchen.” Ashlyn announces.

“You’re cooking?! Really?” Ali questions in surprise.

“Yep. Got one of the hotel bellhops to help me get some groceries this morning. I’m cooking for you.” Ashlyn says proudly.

“Oh my goodness, you’re the sweetest. I can’t wait! But, seriously, don’t overdo it. You need to take it easy still. You really don’t have to cook for me.” Ali gives a gentle reminder.

“Relax, Alex. I’m working with no oven and essentially just a hot plate.” Ashlyn points to the minimal electric stovetop. “This won’t be some gourmet masterpiece. Just a simple lunch.”

“Ok, well… let me know what I can do to help.” Ali tells her.

“Like I said, just sit there and keep me company. You can be my muse.” Ashlyn winks.

“Sure thing, Chef Marshmallow.” Ali jokes.

“It’s Chef Hot Marshmallow, remember?” Ashlyn plays back.

“Of course.” Ali laughs before mumbling ‘extra hot today’ under her breath, appreciating just how put together Ashlyn looks in a pair of dark gray, slim-fitting cargo pants and a plain white t-shirt with an unbuttoned navy blue collared shirt over it, the sleeves rolled up to her elbows and her hair looking perfectly styled.

“What was that?” Ashlyn asks, not being able to make out the low mumble.

“Nothing, just excited for lunch!” Ali quickly covers.

“Good. It’ll be ready in like 30 minutes.” Ashlyn promises and gets right to work.

Ali makes small talk and watches Ashlyn work with such impressive ease. The short-haired woman boils some pasta and eventually puts milk, butter, some flour, and cheese into a pot in the creation of some kind of sauce. Ashlyn soon starts frying some bacon pieces and Ali assumes it must be some kind of pasta dish, eventually losing track of ingredients when they once again start debating Stranger Things theories in anticipation of binge watching more episodes today.

To say Ali is surprised when Ashlyn puts down a plate with a grilled sandwich and side salad in front of her is an understatement. “This looks so good, but I’d be lying if I didn’t tell you that I thought you were making a pasta dish.” Ali laughs at herself. “Some chef I would make!”

“Well you weren’t that far off.” Ashlyn laughs back as she puts her own plate down and sits across the table. “You’ll see, take a bite.” She motions to the sandwich on Ali’s plate.

Ali nods and takes a sizeable bite of her sandwich. “Mmmmm.” The happy little moan comes right out of her mouth as the savory and rich buttery, cheesy, bacon flavors roll over her tongue. “Oh my god, that is absolutely divine! What did I just eat? Wow.” She looks at the sandwich more closely.

Ashlyn swallows hard at the moan that came out of Ali’s mouth and wills her heart rate to settle down. “Grilled mac and cheese sandwich.” She replies.

“And this isn’t gourmet?” Ali challenges as she takes another bite.

“Nope. Just a simple sandwich.” Ashlyn shrugs, contently watching Ali eat so enthusiastically. Feeding people good food is one of her favorite things in the world.

“And this homemade dressing on the salad… damn, Ash… you are a wizard. I mean it, this is one of the best things I’ve ever eaten and you made it on a hotel hot plate. If this isn’t your gourmet, then I can’t freakin’ wait until you cook me a meal that is.” Ali says ardently.

“Good. I can’t wait to cook you one either. Eat up, buttercup.” Ashlyn finally bites into her own sandwich with a satisfied smile on her face.

\------------

“Whatcha thinking about over there?” Ashlyn asks as she watches Ali furrow her brow for the fifth time now while they watch TV on the couch. Her reactions haven’t been fitting of the humor of the Seinfeld rerun they’re watching right now, so she knows the brunette is distracted.

“Oh uh, sorry.” Ali sighs.

“You ok?” Ashlyn tries again.

“Yeah, just thinking about something with Kyle this morning.” Ali half explains before just letting it all out. “Have you ever felt like you were holding people back?”

“Sure…I mean, I think so. In what context do you mean though?” Ashlyn asks for some elaboration.

“Well, like this morning…Kyle is taking a quick 48 hour trip to New York for a little stylist convention thing, leaving tonight. He travels every so often, but every time he feels the need to just assure me over and over again that it’s just a quick trip and he’ll be back really soon. And I never ask for that assurance and keep telling him to just go and have a great time. But still…he keeps at it and checks in on me like a million times, like I’m a puppy or something. My parents do it too.” Ali explains.

“Hmmm, yeah, I can imagine that gets really aggravating.” Ashlyn commiserates. “I’m sure they worry about you and mean well though. Have you talked to them about it?”

“Yes and no. I guess I more dance around it than really have a direct conversation.” Ali admits.

Ashlyn nods. “So, why do you feel like you’re holding them back?”

“Because I know if my illness wasn’t a thing, then Kyle would likely be in New York or L.A. where his career could really take off. And my Mom would be retired and in Miami by now. My Dad would probably still be in same area, but he’d definitely go out more and be more social. If you take me out of the equation, everything would be different. So, how am I not holding them back, you know?” Ali puts it bluntly.

“Ok, I see what you’re saying now.” Ashlyn considers it for a minute before speaking. “The thing is that you _are_ in the equation. Have you ever considered that they’re making the choices that make them happy? Maybe other options for them may seem more appealing to you, but maybe that’s not the case for them.” Ashlyn suggests gently.

“I’m not sure what you mean.” Ali tries to understand what she’s getting at.

“Well, for example, I get where you’re coming from. My teenage years were nothing but basketball. My grandparents literally spent all of their time driving me around to tournaments and games. It was all-consuming. I loved basketball and I loved having them there, but I also felt so guilty about it. Until one day, I mentioned it in a conversation to my Gram.” Ashlyn recounts.

“Yes, see…that’s exactly the feeling I’m talking about.” Ali feels relieved at being understood. “What happened?”

“First, she told me that she was big girl and could make her own life choices.” Ashlyn laughs. “Then she explained that there was nothing in the world she and my Gramp would rather be doing. She said that watching me do something I loved so much was the greatest thing in the world for them and they wouldn’t want to be anyplace else.” Ashlyn sees Ali nod. “That’s what I was saying before… your brother and your parents are making the decisions that are right for them. The circumstance it what it is, but no matter what, they love you and want to be around you. If you weren’t sick at all and just lived and worked in D.C., don’t you think they’d very likely make similar choices of staying close by? Or maybe the situation would be reversed and you’d choose to live close to them?”

“Yeah. I guess I never thought about it that deeply. You’re absolutely right.” Ali smiles. “Thank you. Wish I had you to talk this out with me like 10 years ago. How much do I owe you in therapy fees?” She jokes a bit.

“This one is on the house.” Ashlyn plays back. “Soooo, question…did you say your Mom would retire in Miami, but your Dad would stay in Virginia? How does that work?”

“Well they’re divorced. I guess maybe you didn’t know that.” Ali realizes.

“I had no idea. Really?” Ashlyn asks in surprise. “I mean, they don’t seem divorced at all and actually really close.”

“Yep. They divorced when I was 13. It was nothing dramatic. They just realized that they were best friends who loved each other very much, but weren’t in love romantically anymore. They’re still as close as ever and great parents. They really worked at keeping everything the same for us as a family and still live in the same house together. It’s a big house, so they kind of have their own space. I’m sure that’ll change if they ever get involved with someone seriously, but so far just some dating that hasn’t turned into anything.” Ali elucidates.

“Wow, yeah, I’d say they did a great job of keeping things the same. I never would have known unless you told me.” Ashlyn thinks about it. “You know, it’s kind of funny. My parents sound exactly like that minus the divorce part. They were good parents and close to each other, but not in a very romantic way. They were married, but they really just seemed more like friends than anything else. Wonder if they ever would have made that realization down the line.” She trails off in thought.

“It’s weird, I’ve always wanted exactly what my parents have, you know? That one lifelong best friend by my side… except, well, I also want the romantic part. Like _really_ romantic.” Ali admits with a giggle.

“Isn’t that what we’re all looking for though?” Ashlyn locks onto Ali’s eyes. “A best friend that we can’t keep our hands off of.”

“Absolutely.” Ali agrees with a smile and goes silent for a bit as they just meaningfully gaze at each other. She feels her heart rate pick up steadily and tries to get herself back in check. “So, speaking of best friends…” She breaks the moment. “There’s someone you should meet.”

“Oh yeah?” Ashlyn asks with intrigue.

“Yep. Can I invite someone over for here for dinner?” Ali asks. “I’ll order pizza, my treat.”

“Of course! I’d love to meet your people.” Ashlyn replies easily.

“Good, cause this one is a real firecracker and he can’t wait to meet you.” Ali smirks and grabs her phone.

Ashlyn just sits quietly and listens to Ali’s side of the conversation with intrigue.

“Hey Jim!” Ali says cheerily, smiling at Ashlyn who is watching her. “Are you at the center for your usual today? Good. So, want to come meet me for dinner when you’re done? At the Fairmount…no this isn’t a date, you dirty old man! I want you to meet someone.” Ali laughs and shakes her head. “I’m going to order pizza, so your usual pepperoni mushroom? Great, it’s room 1124. Text me when you’re here, excited to see you. Muah!” Ali blows a kiss over the phone and hangs up before looking at Ashlyn. “All set. He should be here around 5pm.”

If Ashlyn wasn’t curious before, she’s downright perplexed now. Ali doesn’t strike her as the type to have a best guy friend outside of Kyle, nor has she mentioned one until now. And the odd flirty banter and dirty old man dating comment were strange in a way that she can’t quite pinpoint. “So, what exactly am I in for tonight?” She inquires.

“A really good time, duh.” Ali winks and leaves it at that, amused at the slightly confused look on Ashlyn’s face. “Come on, let’s move to the bed so we can get our Stranger Things groove on and maybe get in a nap before Jim gets here.” She makes her way to the bedroom with Ashlyn right behind her, the two of them wordlessly settling into their now established position of Ali cuddled into Ashlyn’s side.

“Your feet are cold.” Ashlyn flinches when the brunette buries her toes under her calf.

“My feet are always cold. And you’re always warm from what I can tell, so perfect match.” Ali smiles up at her.

“Perfect match.” Ashlyn agrees in a soft voice as she locks onto Ali’s eyes. The statement comes out more meaningfully than she intended, but she doesn’t regret it one bit when she sees the unmistakable look of desire in the cinnamon eyes looking back at her.

Ali reads Ashlyn’s insinuation loud and clear, the short-haired woman’s eyes seem to convey what her words fall short of. The lingering doubts in her mind begin to dissipate and she wonders if this is the moment that one of them says or does something that will break this thing wide open. But just as that thought crosses her mind, the opening theme to Stranger Things starts playing and breaks the moment. She sighs softly, knowing that it’s probably better this way… that jumping right in probably isn’t the best idea in this situation. “She’s an alien.” She officially ends the moment with a little smile, burying herself back into Ashlyn’s shoulder.

“Test subject.” Ashlyn counters and reaches down to hold one of Ali’s hands before turning her attention to the TV.

\------------------

Ali slowly rolls over, stretches her body, and blinks her eyes a few times before reaching to grab her phone that just buzzed and woke her up. She reads the text from Jim and looks over at the digital clock in the room to see that it says 4:46pm. She rolls back over to find Ashlyn still peacefully snoozing beside her and takes a few minutes to just watch her sleep, studying her face and the way her chest rises and falls. When at least five minutes has gone by, she lets out a long breath, knowing that she needs to wake Ashlyn up…especially because it’s now taking everything in her not to trace the woman’s face with her fingers.

Ali gives herself another minute to take Ashlyn in, deeply inhaling the scent she now knows is bergamot and lavender with hints of smoke. “So gorgeous.” She whispers to herself before giving in and reaching to stroke Ashlyn’s cheek lightly. She watches Ashlyn face contort into a couple little frowns before her eyes open and sleepily look at her. “Hey sunshine. Time to wake up, Jim will be here soon.” She smiles.

“Mmmhmm.” Ashlyn yawns. “Time is it?”

“4:54pm.” Ali says softly. “Jim should be here in like 15 minutes. You want to go freshen up?”

“Yeah. Thank you.” Ashlyn mumbles in reply with a little smile, closing her eyes again and resting her forehead against the top of Ali’s shoulder. “Now you’re all warm and I don’t wanna get up.”

Ali just smirks and presses her very cold toes against Ashlyn’s calf again.

“Cruel. I’m up, I’m up!” Ashlyn groans and starts to get off the bed. “You weren’t kidding about the always cold, geez.”

“Told ya! You’re just gonna have to deal…urine or you’re out, marshmallow!” Ali giggles at her own joke.

“I’m fine with the cold toes, but these urine puns are making me want to PEEace out.” Ashlyn snickers proudly.

“Go to the bathroom, dork.” Ali can’t contain her grin or the loud laugh that follows.

“Sure thing, nerd.” Ashlyn winks and goes to get herself ready for whatever this evening has to bring.

\------------

Ashlyn’s not sure what she was expecting exactly, but when an actual old man in a worn baseball hat, a members only jacket, and loose khakis comes through the door and hugs Ali…she’s knows that this wasn’t it.

“Ashlyn, this is Jim. Jim, this is Ashlyn.” Ali happily introduces them.

“So, Ashlyn the angel, we finally meet.” Jim holds his hand out and smiles when he feels Ashlyn’s firm but comfortable grip.

“And you must be, Jim…who I actually knew nothing about until today.” Ashlyn chuckles.

“Well, I’m the best kept secret this side of the Mississippi.” Jim laughs back. “Don’t worry, I don’t know all that much about you either, but really all I need to know is that you donated a kidney to my sweet Ali here. So, I look forward to getting to know you.”

“Same.” Ashlyn smiles at him.

“For the record, the secrecy wasn’t intentional. Jim, we haven’t had a chance to talk much since the surgery. And Ash, we just haven’t talked much about friends in our conversations of getting to know each other until recently.” Ali pipes up in explanation. “But we’re all here now and pizza will be here in like 15 to 20 minutes.”

“Great, I’m starved!” Jim says excitedly.

“Of course you are, you eat dinner at like 4pm you old fart.” Ali teases him and Ashlyn can’t help but chuckle softly.

“Watch it you little whippersnapper! And you’re damn right I do. When you can’t stay awake past 8pm, dinner at 4pm is perfectly reasonable.” He defends himself.

“Annnnyway, come check out Ashlyn’s digs…this hotel room is something insane.” Ali leads him into the living room area and Ashlyn follows.

“This is nicer than my house.” Jim whistles as he takes it in.

“Yeah, apparently you get treated like royalty for donating a kidney to some random chick.” Ashlyn jokes. “It’s a good deal.”

“Well dang, there goes my chance at luxury living then.” Jim deadpans before they all start laughing, the statement making it clear to Ashlyn that the connection between he and Ali is illness related. “Alright, alright, so tell me all about you, Ashlyn. For starters, why would anyone in their right mind want to give away a perfectly healthy kidney… not that I’m not grateful for the fact that you did.”

Ali gives Ashlyn a look that clearly communicates that she doesn’t have to reveal the real reason if she doesn’t want to, but Ashlyn just smiles back at her and proceeds to give Jim the very simple version of it.

“That is a remarkable story.” Jim says when Ashlyn is finished. “I honestly couldn’t admire or respect you more.” He adds sincerely and watches Ashlyn look down at the floor a bit bashfully, telling him everything else he needs to know about the kind of humble person she is. “I suppose you deserve every bit of this luxury hotel room then!” He jokes and the mood immediately lifts back to a cheery one just as they hear a knock on the door from the pizza delivery person.

The dinner conversation flows easily and Ashlyn gets to hear more about how Ali and Jim met during dialysis and their Price is Right competitions. Jim talks a lot about his wife and the struggle of her early onset Alzheimer’s before she passed away 12 years ago. Ashlyn can’t help but be deeply touched at the way he talks about something so difficult with such joy in his voice. It’s so evident that he is truly grateful for every minute he spent with his wife despite the outcome, and something about it resonates deeply with her. She could listen to him talk about his wife all day, and she can tell Ali feels the same by the way the brunette is listening with rapt attention despite the fact that the way Jim is talking makes it obvious that Ali has heard it all before.

Soon enough, the pizza is mostly consumed and Jim turns the conversation to Ashlyn, asking more about what she does for a living and where she lives. She talks a bit about her grandparents, but Jim is a big sports fan, so much of the talk centers around her basketball career and her Olympic experience. Ali just watches on contently at seeing how engaged in conversation two of her favorite people are for over an hour.

“Be right back, gotta go pee.” Ali feels bad at interrupting to excuse herself.

“Must be nice.” Jim huffs.

“You too?” Ashlyn asks him.

“Kidney removal is a bitch.” He shrugs.

“Don’t be jealous, it’s not a cute look.” Ali jokes back and heads to the bathroom.

Jim doesn’t waste a second, immediately reaching across the couch to tap Ashlyn lightly on the thigh and get her attention.

“She’s really special, Ashlyn…one of a kind. She deserves the world.” He looks Ashlyn right in the eye.

Ashlyn nods, buying herself a couple of seconds to decide how she wants to respond. She has been wondering the last couple of days whether whatever is going on between her and Ali is as obvious as it seems. Jim just answered that question for her. Seeing as this is Ali’s best friend, she’s not sure exactly how much she wants to reveal… but the look he is giving her conveys that he just wants some kind of assurance that it is what he thinks it is. And she has to admit, if she’s being honest...it’s exactly what he thinks it is.

“I know exactly what you mean.” Ashlyn says softly, her eyes not leaving his.

“You do?” He questions.

“Between you and me… if she needed my other kidney, I’d give it to her in a heartbeat.” Ashlyn puts it in simple and truthful terms he can understand very clearly.

He smiles at her warmly and squeezes her hand quickly. “You’re as special as she is. Thank you.” He says meaningfully and gives her one last nod before they hear Ali coming back.

 

It’s only about another 20 minutes before Jim is insisting that he needs to get going so he can drive home and get to bed. He endures a few minutes of Ali jibing him about his early bedtime before opting to give Ashlyn a quick hug this time instead of a handshake.

“Come on geezer, I’ll walk you out.” Ali insists.

“Watch it teeny bopper!” Jim shoots Ali a mock warning before turning to Ashlyn again. “You take care of yourself, Ashlyn, and keep this one in line.” He points to Ali before looking back at Ashlyn. “It was great to meet you.”

“You too, Jim.” Ashlyn lightly taps his shoulder. “And don’t worry, I’ll make sure she stays out of trouble.”

“Someone has to.” Jim laughs.

“Okay, that’s enough out of you two.” Ali narrows her eyes at them playfully and leads Jim to the door. “Be right back.” She tells Ashlyn.

 

“Well she’s incredible.” Jim speaks up after Ali doesn’t say anything right away as they navigate the hotel hallways.

“Yeah, she’s amazing, isn’t she?” Ali smiles widely.

“Oh come off it!” Jim can’t hold it in any longer. “I told you!”

“Told me what?” Ali eyes him.

“I told you that perfect woman was gonna come along and sweep you right up, I told you.” He nudges her with a Cheshire cat grin.

“Oh stop it.” Ali nudges back. “We’re not…” she starts but he cuts her off right away.

“Oh no you don’t! Don’t you even for a second!” Jim stops walking. “You can’t fool me one bit. I know that look.”

“What look?” Ali questions innocently.

“The most wonderful woman in the world looked at me that way for 44 years and 23 days…I _know_ that look. And she looks at you the exact same way.” Jim says confidently.

“She does?” Ali half whispers.

“She does. And I told you so.” Jim assures her with a smug smile.

“Ugh…” Ali lets out a sigh. “I just don’t even know how to…” She doesn’t finish the statement because she doesn’t know how to. She’s in so deep already with Ashlyn and while she pretty much knows what she wants, she has no idea how to get there or even whether she should go there.

“Hey now.” Jim reaches to hold her hand. “You’ll get there and you deserve every bit of it.”

“Ok.” Ali says simply, trying to be reassured by his words.

“That’s one top-notch broom… so let her sweep, sweetheart.” Jim offers one last bit of advice with a knowing look.

“Ok… you’re right. I will.” Ali smiles back at him.

“Atta girl.” Jim gently pats her on the back and starts walking again. “Good for you, I’m happy. She really is something.”

“She is.” Ali agrees.

\--------------

“Hi.” Ashlyn smiles, putting the last paper plate in the trash as Ali walks back into the room.

“Hi.” Ali smiles back.

“That was fun. Thanks for introducing me.” Ashlyn says sweetly. “What an awesome guy… really wonderful.”

“He really is wonderful.” Ali nods in agreement and gets close to Ashlyn, leaning right up near her ear. “And so are you.” She whispers.

Ashlyn feels the brunette’s warm breath tickle her neck and goosebumps erupt across her skin, her knees feeling a little weak. Before she can even compose herself, Ali is talking again.

“I’m wiped and we have to at least try and get through another Stranger Things episode.” Ali pulls away and lightly taps the short-haired woman’s cheek with her finger before letting her hand drop down and grip Ashlyn’s. “Come on, marshmallow… my feet are cold.”

“Well then you came to the right place, Hello Kidney.” Ashlyn chuckles and shakes her head, letting herself get led by the hand.

“I sure did.” Ali mumbles to herself with a smile. Between her conversations with Jim and Kyle, she finally feels confident she’s ready to let herself get completely swept up in whatever this is and wherever it is going. The only questions in her mind now are how and when.

 


	10. The Giving

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is the second chapter I'm posting within the last 12 hours; so, in case you didn't notice that or aren't caught up, might want to read Chapter 9 before this one.  
> By now you all probably know that I love bringing a major tattoo element into my stories. So, here it is...along with a few other things, like um... smut warning ;-) 
> 
> Definitely excited to hear your thoughts on this one after the breakthrough haha

The three days after dinner with Jim don’t exactly go like either woman envisioned.  The first day, Deb insists that Ashlyn come visit at their home. While it’s fun to see the Krieger’s house, check out Ali’s own condo nearby and her neighborhood, get to know her parents better, hear funny childhood stories, look through baby pictures, and experience Ali’s borderline maniacal driving of her Range Rover, the two of them get very little alone time. If it wasn’t for Ali sneaking wordlessly into Ashlyn’s guestroom at her parents’ house to cuddle that night, they wouldn’t have had any time alone at all.

The second day, Kyle comes back from his trip and it’s another full round of Krieger time with the siblings showing Ashlyn all of their favorite spots around the Dumfries area. Yet another night gets spent in a guestroom at Ali’s condo this time with Ali sneaking in to cuddle again because Kyle is sleeping on her couch just outside the guestroom. Although they’re both enjoying being around Ali’s family, each of them is itching to get back to their quality time together. Even in the brief moments of quiet time outside of sleeping, their seemingly innocent touches have become more frequent, bolder, lingering longer, and yet…nothing seems to be progressing much beyond that.

The third day is spent mostly apart while Ali undergoes her pre-op physical so she can be cleared for her upcoming surgery and Ashlyn endures her own battery of tests to clear her to go home. By the end of the day, Ali is scheduled for surgery at the end of next week and Ashlyn is booked for a flight home Friday afternoon….the day after tomorrow. While they’re both happy to have the night alone together at the hotel after all that, neither of them has the energy or inclination for anything other than a quiet dinner and some TV in bed while they cuddle up close and eventually fall asleep trying to forget the countdown clock.

Ashlyn wakes up to the feel of cold toes pressed against her leg and smiles before opening her eyes. Ali’s hair is splayed out on the pillow next to her, the brunette’s lips slightly parted, her face relaxed and serene while she lays curled up on her side against Ashlyn’s arm. Her eyes take in every detail of what is without question the most beautiful woman in the world. All she can think about is how much she’s going to miss this… how much she wants this to be the first thing she sees every morning. Before she realizes it, she’s leaning over to place a soft kiss on Ali’s forehead, not wanting to wake her up but also not able to help herself.

“Morning.” Ali mumbles with a groggy little whimper not long after Ashlyn pulls her lips away.

“Good morning, sunshine. You can go back to sleep, didn’t mean to wake you.” Ashlyn whispers and rolls onto her side, draping her arm around Ali’s waist.

“Nope. Don’t wanna waste any more time sleeping.” Ali says with a bit more pep, her eyes finally opening to meet Ashlyn’s. “Hi.” She smiles. “What should we do today?”

“Well…” Ashlyn trails off. She debated back and forth last night whether this was a good idea…whether it would be too over-the-top for Ali or if the brunette would find it creepy. But this is her thing. This is who she is. Her best moments in life have come from being true to herself and throwing caution to the wind. “What is your opinion on matching tattoos?” She asks coyly.

“I think they’re perfectly great when they’re meaningful and in the right context. I think name tattoos are a total jinx unless they are kid or family names or memorial tattoos. That about sums up my views.” Ali answers. “Why? Are you asking with something specific in mind?” She inquires even though she knows Ashlyn probably wouldn’t have asked unless she did have something in mind.

“Yep. Glad you’re not anti-matching tattoo. Cause I made an appointment for today that I’d like to keep. And hopefully, you’re coming with me.” Ashlyn discloses with a hopeful tone.

“Oh…” Ali’s face falls a bit.

“We really don’t have to, Alex. Sorry. I didn’t mean to make you uncomfortable. I’ll cancel and we can forget about it.” Ashlyn says quickly before she makes things any worse, her stomach suddenly dropping.

“No…it’s not…” Ali pipes right up. “I just can’t get a tattoo right now, well, for quite a while really. Not until everything is clear with this kidney because of the infection risk. And I’m sure you probably can’t either for that matter. But Ash, I think the idea is really sweet and I’m touched that you want to. I really would want to do it with you. Raincheck?” She suggests gently.

“So, you’re not opposed? It’s a technicality thing?” Ashlyn probes for assurance.

“Absolutely. Promise we’ll do it as soon as I can.” Ali affirms resolutely.

“Good… cause today is the day then.” Ashlyn smiles. “I checked with Dr. Carter yesterday and my immune system is normal, my healing is great, and my infection risk is low given all the ink I already have. So, I’m cleared and good to go. And for the record, I knew you couldn’t get one and the plan was always for me to get a tattoo today, not you.” She explains.

“Ok, I’m full on lost at this point.” Ali admits with a furrowed brow.

“Relax, you’ll see. The appointment is at 11am. Just promise you’ll come with me…I need you for inspiration.” Ashlyn flashes a dimpled grin at the brunette.

“Ok, you got me. I’m in for whatever this is.” Ali smiles back and pulls Ashlyn into a little hug before letting go and getting up to get ready.

\-----------------------

“Ashlyn Harris! I can’t believe you’re finally in my shop!” A tattoo covered man with short spikey hair and several facial piercings greets them as they walk into the tattoo shop that Ashlyn directed them to.

“Hey Rocko! Good to see you again.” Ashlyn fist bumps him and looks around a bit. “Nice place. Told you I’d make it here eventually.”

“Yeah well, all the big stars tell me that and then I never see them.” Rocko shrugs.

“I’m far from a big star, buddy.” Ashlyn shakes her head. “Just haven’t been near D.C. at all since we hung out that time, but I’m finally here and keeping my promise.”

“Dude, you have a gold medal… you’re a big star, Harris.” Rocko nudges her. “Can’t fucking wait to tat you up again! So, what are we doing? I blocked the whole day for you just in case, but we probably can’t go huge here. There’s probably not enough time for me to design up whatever you have in mind and then ink it if it’s super complex or large. I’m up for whatever you want though.”

“Relax, bro. I’m keeping it simple, so plenty of time.” Ashlyn assures him. “So, this is Ali…she’s…” She hesitates for a split second before just settling on something, “a really special friend of mine.”

“Hi, nice to meet you.” Ali smiles and reaches out to shake the guy’s hand, not missing Ashlyn’s slight stutter on the introduction.

“You too, Ali. Any friend of Ashlyn’s is a friend of mine.” Rocko replies. “Okay, okay, let’s get to it. Right this way to my private room. Nothing but celeb treatment for my super dunkin’ b-ball star.”

“You can dunk?” Ali questions, a bit surprised she didn’t know that.

“She’s kidding, right?” Rocko eyes Ashlyn.

“She’s a bandwagon fan.” Ashlyn teases and winks at Ali. “And of course I can dunk.”

“I am not!” Ali lightly smacks her arm. “I just never saw you do it.”

“Yeah well, they kinda frown on that in the college and Olympic women’s game.” Ashlyn explains. “They loved it in Russia though.”

“ _Of course I can dunk_.” Rocko imitates Ashlyn’s voice. “She acts like it’s a normal thing. I only know one woman that can dunk better than Lebron James… this chick right here.” He points to Ashlyn with his thumb.

“Correction, _used_ to dunk better than Lebron James. Those days are looong gone.” Ashlyn replies.

“Doesn’t matter, still bad ass as fuck.” Rocko praises.

“I second that. Now I just have to YouTube it.” Ali gives Ashlyn a playful little nudge as they get settled in the room.

“Ok, Harris… what’s the vision? What can I draw up for you?” Rocko asks as he sits down on a stool near a computer.

“Sorry to say I won’t be feeding your creative genius today.” Ashlyn says apologetically. “The design is pretty much done, just need a killer artist to get it right for me.”

“I can roll with that. What’s the art?” Rocko inquires.

“And that is where you come in.” Ashlyn smiles at Ali and reaches for her hand to pull her closer. “Would you mind showing him your hip tattoo? Only if you’re comfortable. I can always just describe it and we’ll pull the general illustration from the internet if you’re not comfortable.”

“That’s what you’re getting? My tattoo?” Ali whispers in slight shock, her eyes wide and locked onto passionate and confident hazel that send her emotions into overdrive.

“Yeah.” Ashlyn whispers back. “Only if you’re 110% okay with it though. Just say the word and I’ll scrap it… no pressure.”

“No…I’m…” Ali tries to find the words to answer the person who is asking so earnestly to be so permanently connected to her, but her brain completely fails her. “I don’t know what I am…but it’s good… really good…and the answer is yes.”

“Yes?” Ashlyn double checks.

“Yes.” Ali nods with a beaming smile, squeezing Ashlyn’s hand before turning to Rocko and lowering the waistband of her leggings a bit.

“Nice ink.” Rocko compliments as he takes in the tree stump design carefully. “My daughter loves that book, so do I. Can I snap a close-up picture on my phone and scan it into my system so I can get the exact design on a stencil?”

“Of course.” Ali agrees and looks up to smile at Ashlyn again.

It only takes Rocko a few minutes to get everything setup before he turns back to Ashlyn. “So, how are we doing this? Will it be exactly the same? What’s the location? Talk to me.”

Ashlyn sits forward on the tattoo chair, her excitement evident. This is always the part where her adrenaline starts pumping. “Design will be exactly the same. I want the word ‘give’ just as it is, same font style. But, I’m thinking I want it all to be a little bigger. It’s gonna go in a similar spot… my left hipbone area, but I want it to really take up that space.” She lifts her shirt and lowers her pants a bit to show him. “We have to stay at least three inches away from any of these surgical incisions and you can’t touch or press on them.” She points to the three small incisions on the left side of stomach and the longer one a couple inches below her belly button.

“I can manage that.” Rocko looks over the spot with careful calculation.

“Those are my parameters. I’m leaving it to you to make it work in terms of sizing and exact position. Work your magic.” Ashlyn gives him a thumbs up.

“You got it. We’re gonna make this look gooood.” He promises before getting serious. “How fresh are those incisions?”

“17 days out.” Ashlyn replies.

“Whew… you know this is gonna hurt like a bitch, right? Even if I stay three inches away, this whole area is probably majorly sensitive.” He warns.

“I’m well aware.” Ashlyn confirms. “And that is also where you come in.” She looks over at Ali. “Hold my hand?”

“Don’t even have to ask.” Ali lowers herself into the chair beside the tattoo chair and entwines their hands.

“Locked and loaded.” Ashlyn tells Rocko and lets go of Ali’s hand just long enough to start working her pants down.

“Okay then, drop those panties and let’s get to it my dude.” Rocko jokes and tosses Ashlyn a clean towel to cover up as much as she can now that her boxer briefs are headed down around her thighs.

Rocko works quickly to get the stencil placed and his equipment ready before his tattoo gun is hovering just above Ashlyn’s skin. “Here we go.” He warns her.

Ashlyn nods and closes her eyes, the buzzing noise filling her ears while the initial sting of the needle is dulled by the feel of Ali’s soft lips pressing to the top of her hand.

\----------------

“How are we doing, Ms. Intensity?” Ali checks in as soon as they make it back to the hotel room. She can tell Ashlyn is fairly sore seeing as how she winced when she fastened her seatbelt and just gingerly lowered herself onto the couch.

“Little sore, but actually not that much worse than after I got my ribcage done or even my elbow. My afternoon pain meds will take care of it quick.” Ashlyn shrugs. “Ms. Intensity?” She raises an eyebrow.

“Yeah.” Ali sits down on the couch herself. “I don’t know…it’s like you seem to feel and do things on such a different level than most people. Everything is so much deeper with you, so much more intense.”

“I’m sorry.” Ashlyn looks down at her lap. “The tattoo was a bit much, huh?”

“Don’t do that.” Ali takes on the tone that Ashlyn took with her in the hospital when she apologized for her fistula. “Don’t ever apologize for who you are. It is honestly what draws me to you the most. I can only imagine that it’s as much of a burden as it is a blessing for you, but that huge bleeding-heart of yours is beyond compare. Never ever be sorry for that. And that tattoo is only intense because it’s intensely touching for me. It’s a wonderful thing, marshmallow. Deal with it.” Ali sticks her tongue out to lighten the mood.

“If you say so. Usually that is what people criticize most and like the least about me.” Ashlyn shrugs coolly, but everything inside is practically vibrating with positive emotions at what Ali just said.

“Well fuck them then.” Ali shrugs back. “Dumb bitches.”

“Dumb bitches.” Ashlyn smiles in agreement.

“So, Rocko? What’s the story there?” Ali asks curiously.

“Met him in Rio. He was part of a group of tattoo artists that set up in the athlete village to tattoo Olympic athletes in commemoration of the games.” Ashlyn recounts. “So, of course I wandered on over there with a couple of my teammates. And all of the artists were pretty busy doing nothing but Olympic rings. Anyway, I watched Rocko do the rings on my teammate and then I started talking to him about where I wanted mine. Long story short, he was a big fan of mine after he had seen that Inked magazine article that you saw. He told me that he would do the rings if I really wanted it, but that given what he had read about my tattoos, the rings seemed way too superficial for me.”

“See! I’m not the only one that sees and appreciates your level of depth!” Ali exclaims.

“Yeah, yeah. I hear you.” Ashlyn concedes with a smile. “Anyway, we talked about it for like an hour and then decided on something much bigger. As soon as the final game was done, I went back and he tattooed the big Liberty that is on my leg. I promised him I’d eventually make it to his tattoo shop in D.C. and that brings us to today.”

“Well no wonder he didn’t flinch at the matching tattoo thing, he gets you.” Ali nods with a greater sense of clarity now.

“Guess so.” Ashlyn affirms.

“Are you as hungry as I am?” Ali asks as her stomach growls. It’s only like 3pm, but the tattoo session went right through lunch and they haven’t eaten yet.

“Was about to ask you the same thing. I’m starving.” Ashlyn replies.

“What do you want to do? We can do like a late lunch, early dinner type thing.” Ali suggests.

“Sounds great. As much as I would love to take you out to eat somewhere and really do something big tonight… honestly, with my flight home being in like 24 hours, I don’t want to be around anyone else but you.” Ashlyn catches Ali’s eyes.

“25 hours and 37 minutes.” Ali corrects after looking down at her watch. “But who’s counting?” She does her best to give a half smile, the rock sitting in her stomach at the impending departure feeling heavier by the second. “I don’t want to go out either. Chinese?”

“Completely perfect.” Ashlyn agrees.

“I’ll call it in and then grab us some drinks and our big ol’ granny pill cases.” Ali laughs lightly and grabs her phone and the menu off the coffee table. “You just sit there and look pretty.”

“You’re the best.” Ashlyn reaches over and lightly rubs Ali’s knee for a couple seconds before resting her head back on the couch and letting out a content sigh.

\--------------

It’s barely 5pm, but the two women wordlessly change into sleep clothes and settle right into bed shortly after eating. They cuddle close as usual, the room already starting to dim slightly from the sun just beginning to hang lower in the sky. The TV remote is sitting in the crease where their thighs meet, but neither of them reaches for it.

“Can I ask a personal question?” Ali breaks the silence.

“You don’t have to check first anymore… ask away.” Ashlyn answers lightly.

“You never told me why my tattoo. I mean, I know what it means to me…but, what does it mean to you?” Ali asks.

“Easy enough.” Ashlyn smiles. “When you told me the meaning behind your tattoo, you said ‘ _I’m here today, give everything’_. And it dawned on me that I’d never done that. I can’t remember a time that I didn’t hold back something, even if just a little bit. Even with basketball, you give it everything so-to-speak, but never to the full-on point of knowingly risking an injury that could end it all. I’ve always left a little piece in the tank, you know?”

Ali nods, but stays quiet and waits for the rest.

“This kidney donation is a major part of my journey. A piece of fulfilling a promise and getting some closure, but it’s become so much more than that. So much more than I expected. And, like all those other important parts of my life, I felt like it needed a tattoo. Your tattoo was perfect… not only signifying my connection to you, but because I feel so rooted to its meaning. This is the first time in my life that I haven’t held something back. I’ve given every single part of myself openly, literally and figuratively. This tattoo will always remind me of that and prompt me to do it always. It will remind me that the first time I gave my whole self, I got the most wonderful thing in the world in return.”

“What’s the wonderful thing?” Ali asks softly after a few quiet seconds, trying to fully grasp what Ashlyn is saying. She knows what this kidney donation meant to herself, and even though Ashlyn has given her some sense of the emotions surrounding Chris, she’s trying understand what it means to the woman on a deeper level.

Ashlyn smiles again and rolls onto her side to face Ali, looking her right in the eye. “You.” She replies simply.

“Me?” Ali’s voice squeaks a bit, not sure she heard right.

“Yeah Alex, you.” Ashlyn repeats, not quite understanding the stunned look on Ali’s face. “What did you think it was?”

“I…” Ali’s throat feels a bit dry, her heart races, and her body feels like it’s throbbing. Her stomach quivers a bit nervously, but it doesn’t matter because the dam has broken and she can’t hold the rush back. It might be some of the worst timing ever, but it just doesn’t matter. “Ash?” Her hand goes to Ashlyn’s cheek, her world completely centered on the green-swirled hazel eyes only a few inches away now.

“Yeah?” Ashlyn’s heart beats so fast she’s sure she might faint. Her name just came out of Ali’s mouth in a husky whisper that she doesn’t fully understand the meaning behind, but already wants to hear again. The brunette is so close…close enough to consume her senses and make her breath catch in her throat. And the way she’s looking at her…

“I’m going to kiss you.” Ali whispers and lets the rest come out on its own. “If the timing isn’t right…if you don’t want this…you’re gonna have to stop me, cause I can’t stop myself.” She swallows and closes her eyes because the room feels like it’s spinning. “I’m falling in love with you.”

Ashlyn feels everything inside herself release as if it was waiting for this exact moment her entire life. “I already fell, Alex.” She quickly closes the distance and softly captures Ali’s lips between hers, kissing her slowly and with every bit of the passionate intensity she harbors in her soul.

Ali’s ears are ringing, her limbs feel tingly and heavy, but its’ still not enough. Her fingers reach to the back of Ashlyn’s neck to pull her in closer, deepening the kiss and letting out a little whimper when their tongues meet. The taste and feel of Ashlyn’s mouth are infinitely better than anything she could have imagined. It’s the stuff of dreams and fantasy and she doesn’t know how she ever survived without it.

Ashlyn’s hands find purchase on the brunette’s hips. Her lungs ache for breath, but she can’t pull herself away. Heat and energy radiate through her body, everything feeling alive inside in a way she’s never experienced. All she can do is moan softly into Ali’s mouth and wonder if she ever truly lived before this moment and this feeling.

They’ve both lost all sense of time, but at some point they finally pull apart to breathe, each taking a few deep gasps of breath before their lips are connected again. It happens at least three more times before all they can manage are a few quick pecks between heaving chests and pounding hearts, a pause finally necessary before one of them literally passes out.

Ashlyn smiles when she feels the brunette wipe a few beads of sweat forming near her eyebrow, their eyes locked in a loving gaze that speaks all the words they are too breathless to express at the moment.

“I’m sorry.” Ali does her best to speak while still trying to catch her breath.

“Why are you…” Ashlyn starts to ask in worried confusion, but immediately feels Ali’s finger on her lips to shush her.

“I’m sorry.” Ali starts again. “I held back before. I was too nervous. Won’t happen again…” Everything feels relaxed and balanced now, the complete truth finally on her lips. “I love you. I love all of you.” Her hand finds it way under Ashlyn’s shirt and settles on the swath of scarred skin along the side of Ashlyn’s stomach.

Ashlyn’s breath hitches deeply at the contact, the area burning under Ali’s touch in the most pleasurable sensation ever felt on this particular spot.

“You’re beautiful, Ashlyn.” Ali whispers in sweet earnestness. “All of you is beautiful. And I love you.”

“I love you too, baby.” The pet name slips out of Ashlyn’s mouth with ease, like she’s been using it for years, her tone emotional as she kisses Ali softly.

“Say it again.” Ali mumbles against Ashlyn’s lips.

“I love you.” Ashlyn says again before stealing another kiss, only for Ali to pull back slightly.

“The other part too.” Ali requests in another mumble.

“Baby?” Ashlyn says questioningly after taking half a second to figure out what the brunette was asking.

“Yeah, that part. I like that part too.” Ali pulls back further to look into Ashlyn’s eyes with a little smirk on her face.

Ashlyn lets out a soft chuckle before getting sincere again. “I love you, baby.” She repeats, her face breaking into a single-dimpled grin before she sees the look in Ali’s eyes change to one of pure desire. A look that makes it crystal clear where this is going next.

“Show me.” Ali husks and pulls Ashlyn into another deep kiss, that makes the room spin again.

“You sure?” Ashlyn breaks away just long enough to breathe the words out, making complete sure even though her fingertips have already found the bare skin of Ali’s lower back.

“Show me, love. Show me.” Ali insists before kissing Ashlyn hard, hungry and wanting.

Ashlyn tries so hard not to rush, but the way Ali is kissing her…the need to feel the brunette’s skin on hers is just too powerful to contain. As soon as her hand slides under Ali’s shirt and gently rakes up her side, the brunette just eggs her on and tugs it up over her own head, mumbling “yours too” as she grips the hem. Before she can even get her own shirt and sports bra over her head, she already feels Ali’s hand at the waistband of her shorts.

“Wait. Maybe you should do it, I don’t want to hurt you. I’ll get mine.” Ali suddenly stops when she remembers all their incisions and Ashlyn’s fresh tattoo.

“Ok.” Ashlyn agrees rolls onto her back, gingerly reaching down to complete the task carefully and seeing Ali taking the same sensible approach out of the corner of her eye. She finishes first and rolls back on her side to face Ali, immediately losing all the air in her lungs at the sight in front of her.

Ali quickly kicks her underwear off with her foot and rolls back over to find Ashlyn staring at her with her lips slightly parted, her eyes dark green and filled with a look of total wonderment. She doesn’t pause to consider it, already missing the short-haired woman’s mouth on hers and leaning right back in.

“Hold on.” Ashlyn puts her hand on Ali’s side to gently stop her, watching the brunette’s face register confusion.

“What’s wrong?” Ali asks worriedly.

“Nothing…absolutely nothing is wrong.” Ashlyn says ardently. “My god, Alex… look at you.” Her eyes travel the expanse of Ali’s before landing back on her face. “You’re perfect… beautiful beyond words… I need a minute.” She swallows hard and softly runs her hand up Ali’s lower thigh, over her hip, up her side, and across her shoulder, before gently holding her cheek.  “I’ve traveled to see every wonder of the world, and it doesn’t even compare…how am I even here right now?” She questions in complete awe of the vision in front of her. “You’re everything.”

Ali tries hard not to get flushed under Ashlyn’s passionate stare, but fails as she meets her eyes…the warm hand on her cheek matching the heat of her blush. “You’re the one built like a goddess, don’t get me started. You’re literally a work of art.” Her hand splays out over Ashlyn’s upper abs just under her perfect breasts as she takes in the totality of the inked designs, save for the new tattoo that’s still bandaged. “I could stare at you forever, but I really need to feel you right now.” She goes in again for a kiss, this time feeling Ashlyn reciprocate the move and pull her face closer.

Before their lips can meet, their chests press together and both women let out a gasp at the contact just as their mouths join and make everything else around them disappear.

Ashlyn is the first to break away this time, not able to breathe again and taking the opportunity to slow things down. She briefly presses her forehead against Ali’s before kissing her cheeks, her chin, and making her way down her neck with open-mouthed kisses. She’s hears a loud moan when she sucks lightly just below Ali’s ear and stays in that spot, nibbling and swirling her tongue over it as the brunette’s fingertips press into the back of her shoulders. She only moves on when Ali starts squirming, careful not to put her weight on the brunette as she licks across collarbones and down the valley of her chest before taking a nipple into her mouth and hearing her name.

“Ash…oh…” Ali half moans, half whimpers at the feel of her nipple growing stiff against Ashlyn’s warm tongue and the gush of wetness between her legs that follows. Her hands slide over the buzzed hair on the back of Ashlyn’s neck, failing to find any grip there and just holding her head in place as Ashlyn feasts on her chest, alternating between nipples in a perfect repertoire of licking, sucking, and teeth dragging. Just when she thinks she might orgasm from this alone, Ashlyn’s mouth pulls away. She feels the feather light touch of fingertips tracing the quote on her side and some of the old surgery scars on her torso… a soft kiss placed just beside the fresh one, another kiss along her Giving Tree tattoo before Ashlyn is looking up at her.

“You are the strongest person I know…” Ashlyn kisses below Ali’s belly button. “The bravest…” A kiss to her left inner thigh. “The most graceful…” A kiss to the right inner thigh. “You are exquisite.” A kiss on the small, well-trimmed patch of dark curls, her eyes never leaving Ali’s as the scent of arousal completely intoxicates her. “And I love you.” Her tongue dips down in one long swipe to collect the passion spilled for her, a low moan escaping her lips at the pure sweetness.

Ali’s heart almost stops at the intensity of Ashlyn’s loving gaze, her meaningful words, her carefully chosen path of worship down her body…all of it just for her. She can’t speak, she can’t breathe. All she can do is reach down and grip Ashlyn’s hand tightly as a moan so loud it echoes through the room leaves her mouth. Ashlyn’s tongue licks over her clit with the perfect pressure, the swollen bud getting sucked lightly between her lips every so often. She’s already quaking with the anticipatory release even before a warm tongue slips inside her and sets her body on fire. “Ashlyn… yes… yeeesss…unnnnh, god…yes, Ash…there…”

Ashlyn can’t get enough…the way Ali tastes, her scent, the way her body clenches but her legs open loose and wide, her head thrown back into the pillow as deep pants and loud moans leave her mouth, the way one hand grips the back of her shoulder while the other remains tightly entwined in her own, the way her name is called out in a simultaneously ragged and high pitched voice that reminds her that Ali is hers right now…no one’s but hers. She hopes it never ends, but the wish is fruitless as Ali’s body shakes around her and silky walls close in around her tongue. “It’s okay beautiful, let go…” She wills both of them to stop fighting against the fast approaching apex.

Ali’s using all of her energy to keep herself from going over the edge, not wanting it to be over yet, but Ashlyn’s words make her body relax and give into the pleasure it wants so badly. “Ashlyn…Ash…Ash…oh my god… Ashlyn, baaaaaby…” her body tightens and stars pop behind her eyelids as the grandest release she has ever felt ripples through her body. A warm tongue continues to lick her so delicately as the thumping sounds of her own heartbeat and ragged breathing fill her ears…unable to process anything for a couple minutes until she becomes aware of Ashlyn’s soothing voice in her ear.

“I got you, Alex. Breathe, beautiful. I got you.” Ashlyn holds Ali against her and lightly rubs her back.

“Ash…” Ali pulls back enough to lock onto shining hazel orbs. “Don’t stop…please…don’t stop.” She’s begging before she’s even caught her breath, already addicted to the potent euphoric release and not nearly ready to give it up yet. Her request is immediately granted, two fingers finding their way into her center and slowly filling her. “Oh fuck…. yes…” The vulgarity unstoppable when the long digits reach a depth no one ever has.

Ashlyn moans right along with her, relishing in the way Ali’s tight walls practically pull her fingers in, the wetness around her knuckles dripping into her palm. She presses her own thighs together, so turned on that she’s sure she’s going to come without being touched. “I love the way you feel…” She husks into the brunette’s ear, finding the sweet spot just below it and sucking softly.

“So good… Ash…like that, like that…oh fuck, so close…ohh…” Ali’s body is back at the edge far too soon. Skillful fingers pump into her at the perfect pace, pressing in just the right spot every time they bottom out. Ashlyn’s voice is right there whispering both sweet and sexy things into her ear as she works her neck. One more deep thrust…another… a warm tongue on her nipple and her body is quivering again, falling apart as she yells Ashlyn’s name so loudly that she doesn’t even recognize her own pleasure-filled voice. “Stay inside.” She whispers desperately the second she can breathe, feeling Ashlyn slow her movements to a stop and place little kisses all over her face.

It feels like forever and no time at all before Ali hears Ashlyn voice at her ear again. “You ok, Al?”

“Yeah…I’m wonderful.” Ali replies, smiling into the crook of Ashlyn’s neck before pulling back to meet her eyes and losing her composure at the genuine love she sees in them. Her heart feels like it’s going to explode and her hands find Ashlyn’s face, pulling her into a scorching kiss. She whines slightly as Ashlyn’s fingers slip out of her and grip her hips.

The light trembling of Ashlyn’s hands against her skin tell Ali that she doesn’t have much time to draw this out right now. She hesitantly leaves the short-haired woman’s perfectly soft lips and works down her neck, hearing a series of heavy exhales and soft grunts. It’s not all that surprising that Ashlyn is the quiet type, but she just wants to hear her own name right now… prove to herself that this is happening and that this is real. She feels Ashlyn suck in a breath when she gets to her collarbone and immediately sucks hard enough to leave a mark there.

“Alex…mmmm…” Ashlyn gasps loudly and pulls Ali’s head closer to the spot, encouraging her to stay right there, desperately wanting a temporary tattoo that will still be there for days once she’s home. One that will remind her of this very moment. “Alex…” She moans out again.

 _Mission accomplished._ Ali smirks against Ashlyn’s skin at her name reverberating through the room and sucks the area more gently now that it’s a deep shade of reddish purple. She’s never been so turned on at pleasuring someone else. Ashlyn’s hands go to her back as she kisses down her chest with light kisses, gently squeezing her left breast and running her thumb over the already hard nipple.

“Unnhh…yes…” Ashlyn mewls softly between deep breaths, her back coming off the bed when she feels Ali’s tongue flick her nipple lightly, the brunette’s fingers mimicking the movement on her other breast. The uncontrolled movement of her back arching is a bit too fast and her face contorts into a wince at the pain in her midsection before the soft suction on her nipple distracts her again.

“Hey… easy, gorgeous…slow, ok?” Ali says worriedly and reaches up to gently run her hand through Ashlyn’s hair, having seen the wince of pain.

“Ok… please keep going.” Ashlyn practically begs, already feeling the absence of Ali’s mouth. One of her biggest turn-ons is having her nipples played with, but it has never been as good as this. It feels like the brunette is practically reading her mind.

Ali continues to lavish attention on Ashlyn’s chest until goosebumps and a light sheen of sweat form on the woman’s skin, signaling that she’s really worked up and close. She stays completely away from Ashlyn’s left side on her way down, avoiding the incisions and the sensitive newly inked skin…choosing instead to plant soft kisses down the disfigured skin on her right side whispering “you’re beautiful” between every single kiss.

Ashlyn can only press her fingertips into the back of Ali’s neck with one hand and fist the sheets in her other as her whole physical and mental being shifts and spirals into the greatest sense of freedom she has ever felt. No one has ever kissed this spot…ever… she’s never let it happen, going so far as to deflect even accidental touches of hands to the area in the heat of the moment. Ali isn’t just kissing the mutilated skin, she’s loving it for exactly what it is and what it marks…and it’s so miraculously freeing. She picks her head up and looks down, simultaneously cupping Ali’s cheek and catching her eyes as soon as the brunette looks up. “Alex…I love you… you…” she gets choked up, “thank you.”

“I love you too my resilient, golden-hearted, treasure…exactly as you are.” Ali takes Ashlyn’s hand off her face and entwines their fingers, moving the rest of the way down and settling between her legs.  “You’re gorgeous.” She whispers at the sight that greets her… plump, glistening folds that beg to be touched and she goes right in to oblige them.

“Oh…my…god…” Ashlyn moans between gasping breaths as Ali’s tongue goes back and forth between tapping her clit and pushing shallowly inside her. Her hips immediately start squirming and she welcomes the feel of Ali’s hand pressing down on her right hipbone to steady her.

“Mmmm…” Ali moans at the heat and sweet musky wetness around her tongue, finding it too irresistible to not be fully immersed in it. She moves her mouth back to Ashlyn’s clit, pulling it softly between her lips and pressing two fingers inside her dripping center, curling her fingers a few times before starting to slowly thrust.

“Fuck… fuck… baby…right there, please…Alex…” Ashlyn’s quiet grunts and moans are long gone as she loses herself in the brunette’s touch. She’s barreling towards the most powerful orgasm of her life like a runaway freight train and her body doesn’t even know what to do with itself. Her heart racing wildly, the butterflies in her stomach, the delicious pressure building deep inside her, Ali’s perfect mouth that seems to be everywhere all at once…it’s a plethora of sensations that push her right to the brink of ecstasy.

“So good…god, so good…” Ali moans again into Ashlyn’s core, literally feeling the throbbing around her fingers as the walls around them tighten like a vice.

“Alex…fuck unnnhhh…Alleeeexx…” Ashlyn feels the vibration of the brunette’s voice shoot through her center and its’s here… her entire body shaking and clenching tightly, her toes curling as it all comes undone in the glorious frenzy of lifetime.

Ali stills her fingers completely, but stays right where she is, licking Ashlyn clean in soft short licks before leaving tiny kisses all along the inside of her thighs. She waits…waits until Ashlyn’s breathing slows a bit…waits until she stops twitching… waits until her muscles relax… and then she stops waiting and starts all over again. Her fingers piston steadily, her mouth feasting eagerly, not able to get enough of the way Ashlyn is repeating her name in a pleasure-filled mantra and writhing against the bed until the words become unintelligible, everything spasms, and the short-haired woman is pulling her up for the most fervent kiss of her life as it all washes over both of them.

“Al… you’re incredible…that was…” Ashlyn searches for the words as she relaxes on her back and hugs Ali close into her chest, her breathing finally finding some normalcy.

“The best ever… nothing compares, nothing even comes close to this moment with you.” Ali finishes the thought, realizing this is the first time she’s ever completely let go of herself like this. There was no worrying about where her arm was, what her fistula was touching, who was seeing what on her body. None of that matters with Ashlyn, it’s just love, and light, and losing herself completely in the person who stole her heart.

“That…exactly that.” Ashlyn agrees in a reverent tone. “Which I’m sure neither of us was medically cleared for.” She adds with a devious little chuckle.

“You want to stop and call Dr. Carter?” Ali plays back, resting her chin on Ashlyn’s chest and looking up at her.

“I don’t even want to stop to breathe.” Ashlyn replies sweetly.

They stare into each other’s eyes for a couple minutes, lost in the passion and love contained in that gaze until Ali buries her head into the crook of Ashlyn’s neck as the heavy thoughts start to creep in. “Can’t believe I waited this long. Why didn’t I kiss you sooner…tell you sooner…how am I going to let you go tomorrow?” She whispers emotionally.

“I know, beautiful. I know.” Ashlyn swallows down the lump in her throat and strokes Ali’s hair. “I don’t even know how I’m going to breathe without you, but it’s not letting go, ok? Wherever this takes us and whatever tomorrow is, it’s definitely not goodbye and it’s not letting go.” She comforts her.

“This is for real?” Ali asks, needing the reassurance as if it’s all going to disappear at any second.

“This is for real.” Ashlyn says without a single ounce of doubt in her mind or heart.

“Promise?” Ali softly pleads.

“I promise, Alex. I love you, it’s real.” Ashlyn promises whole-heartedly.

“I love you too.” Ali leans up for a slow kiss before burying her face into Ashlyn’s neck at all of the fiercely powerful declarations. “I can’t Ash…I already miss you…” A tear rolls down her face before she can hold it back.

“Hey…look at me. We’ll figure it out and we’ll find a way, beautiful.” Ashlyn uses every ounce of emotional strength to hold herself together as she wipes the tear from Ali’s face with her thumb. “But forget tomorrow. We’re here today, we’re here now…” She goes right to the source of Ali’s inspiration, their now matching tattoo.

“Give everything.” Ali smiles knowingly.

“Give everything.” Ashlyn reaches down to trace the tree stump design on Ali’s hip. “I love you and I’m yours.”

“And I’m yours, all of me… everything.” Ali returns the earnest sentiment. “Promise you’ll kiss me all night, touch me all night, never let me go.” She implores the handsome woman looking back at her like she’s the answer to everything, watching her lips curl into a smug little smile as the single, perfect little dimple appears on her face.

“I won’t just promise you that, pretty girl. I full on guarantee it. 100% or your next kidney is free!” Ashlyn taps Ali’s nose playfully.

“Dorky Hot Marshmallow.” Ali laughs softly, the levity finally shifting her full focus back to the moment in front of her and not the tomorrow she is dreading.

“Nerdy Beautiful Bard.” Ashlyn teases back with a little snicker.

Ali puts her hand behind Ashlyn’s neck and pulls her into a slow, deep kiss that centers them.  She pulls back to find warm, green-swirled hazel. “I won’t close my eyes.”

“Neither will I.” Ashlyn pledges back and reconnects their lips, letting Ali take her breath away.


	11. The Go

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Posting this one early today before I head off on my travels. This is as angsty as this story is going to get, but we all knew this part was coming. We'll resolve it in no time though, promise ;-) So grab the tissues and sit tight... I'll post the next chapter on Friday before I head off for the weekend. 
> 
> As always, thank you for reading and let me know what you're thinking in the comments :-)

_Ali puts her hand behind Ashlyn’s neck and pulls her into a slow, deep kiss that centers them.  She pulls back to find warm, green-swirled hazel…“I won’t close my eyes.”_

_“Neither will I.” Ashlyn pledges back and connects their lips, letting Ali take her breath away._

 

Their still healing bodies and the exertion from several rounds of intense love-making ensure that the promise gets broken at some point in the early hours of the morning. Eyes close as bodies lay spent in the comfort of each other’s tight embrace, the slumber peaceful despite the circumstances.

Ashlyn wakes up to the feel of hot kisses across her chest, opening her eyes to find Ali looking down at her intently, her wet eyelashes and slightly smudged mascara making it clear that she’s already had a good cry. She watches the brunette’s face break into a big smile when she notices she’s awake.

“You’re an angel.” Ashlyn whispers reverently, admiring the natural pink of her lips, her wild sable hair, the way her nose crinkles and her tongue pokes through her teeth when she smiles, her long eyelashes and soft face…all of it perfect.

“If angels look like puffy-faced raccoons, sure.” Ali jibes her own appearance.

“You’re always beautiful… in every way, in any state. Always.” Ashlyn insists and reaches up to stroke Ali’s face. “Really fucking beautiful.”

“And you…are really fucking charming.” Ali lets out a little laugh and leans in for a soft kiss. “Good morning.” She mumbles against Ashlyn’s lips.

“Good morning, baby.” Ashlyn catches Ali’s lips again before the brunette can fully pull away.

“Why is it that I have always cringed at being called baby and rolled my eyes at hearing people calling their significant others that, and suddenly it’s all I want to be called?” Ali asks in amusement of herself.

“I’m just that good.” Ashlyn says in mock bravado.  “Plus I gave you a kidney, so I get a free pass?”

“That must be it.” Ali pretends to think about it deeply.

“I’ve never let anyone call me a marshmallow, so we’re even.” Ashlyn adds with a smile.

“Sorry I woke you up…just couldn’t help myself.” Ali presses her forehead to Ashlyn’s. “The little snore you have going on through those pouty lips, those barely there freckles on your cheeks, that bedhead hair that only sticks up on the left side, and the way your mouth twitches just enough in your sleep to show a hint of that dimple that makes my knees weak…I love all of it, too much to keep myself from touching.” Ali waggles her eyebrows.

“Exactly how much time have you spent watching me sleep these last couple weeks?” Ashlyn playfully raises her eyebrows.

“A whole lot…and not nearly enough.” Ali smirks.

“Sooo, my dimple makes your knees weak huh?” Ashlyn says smugly.

“Please, like you didn’t know that well before yesterday happened.” Ali challenges.

“I plead the fifth.” Ashlyn puts her hands up in mock defense.

“Good, no more talking then.” Ali kisses her hard, the two of them falling into sync quickly.

The next couple of hours are a renewed exploration of every inch of skin. It’s slow and sensual, needy and consoling, the climaxes mutual because they can’t drag hands away from each other long enough for it to be otherwise.

Their bodies are drained, every nerve ending sensitive, but they can’t stop touching, kissing, and stroking. It’s like downing gallons of water in anticipation of being stranded in the desert… gulping down another glass, and then another, and still another, even when your body can’t handle another sip, because you know you’re going to need it to get you through what lies ahead.

It’s Ashlyn who finally forces them to change it up before they reverse the recovery they’ve worked so hard to gain the last couple of weeks. She settles in behind Ali and massages her shoulders gently, leaving tiny kisses on the back of her neck every so often, hearing soft little moans every time she does.

“You’re really good at that. Those huge hands of yours are amazing.” Ali compliments, melting into the soothing massage.

“Thanks. Big hands are a real perk.” Ashlyn smirks. “You know, for holding basketballs.” She deadpans.

“Right, basketballs. We’ll go with that.” Ali laughs and leans her head back further into Ashlyn, turning to kiss her cheek.

“I think you’re pretty damn good at holding basketballs yourself.” Ashlyn picks Ali’s hand up and kisses it.

“I can hold my own.” Ali plays back.

“Sure can… you can hold anything you want, beautiful.” Ashlyn purrs in her ear.

“Speaking of, shower with me?” Ali requests with an insinuating tone.

“Thought you’d never ask.” Ashlyn kisses the back of her neck again. “If you think some part of me isn’t going to be touching some part of you until I have to somehow pry myself away to catch my flight, you’ve got a another thing coming, lovely.”

“You know, in theory, some part of you is always touching some part of me no matter what.” Ali motions to the incision on her stomach.

“Well there’s a nice thought for a lonely night.” Ashlyn chuckles.

“Did you just sex talk me with a kidney donation?” Ali laughs.

“I think I just might have.” Ashlyn teases back.

“This cannot be normal.” Ali laughs harder.

“Well who the hell wants normal?” Ashlyn contests.

“Not us.” Ali says resolutely.

“Not us.” Ashlyn repeats. “I’m all for weird, unexpected, and bewildering. This right here… with you… exactly what I want.”

“Mmmhmm.” Ali agrees in a hum as she kisses Ashlyn romantically. “You know what I want?”

“What’s that?” Ashlyn replies.

“You, in the shower, getting wet with me.” Ali husks and steals another kiss.

“My girl gets whatever she wants.” Ashlyn smiles into the kiss, the words coming out freely.

“I’m your girl?” Ali pulls back to look at her, her eyes hopeful.

“Well, you’re a whole lot more than that…but yeah, I sure hope you’ll be my girl.” Ashlyn puts it out there, her heart wanting something concrete to hold onto.

“I’m your girl.” Ali confirms with a delighted smile and pecks her lips. “I’m your baby…I’m your love…I’m yours.” She kisses her slow and deep.

“Ditto.” Ashlyn easily returns the sentiment as they pull away slightly. “Whew, talk about living your best life.”

“You’re too suave for your own good.” Ali turns around and hugs her tight, letting out a deep sigh. “I can’t bear the thought of you leaving me today.”

“Don’t think about it.” Ashlyn suggests. “Think about that shower…and then think about my hands constantly on your body for the next few hours. Let’s not spend even a second of missing each other longer than we actually have to.”

“I can do that.” Ali nods with determination. “Come on, marshmallow, no time to waste.” She gets up carefully and holds a hand out for Ashlyn to follow.

“That’s my girl.” Ashlyn says with a goofy grin.

“You’re damn right she is.” Ali winks.

\----------

“Well then…” Kyle’s eyes widen as he sits in the driver’s seat and watches his sister and Ashlyn walk out of the hotel holding hands, eyes glued to each other. “About time.” He mumbles to himself, taking it all in. There’s no question something huge happened in the last twenty-four hours between the two women, but it quickly dawns on him how complicated that is. Both of them look completely happy and yet completely miserable at the same time.

Even though he’s dying for details and to tease them about it, he quickly gets himself in check and goes with just acting nonchalant about it so he doesn’t break the moment they are having.

“Hello lovelies!” Kyle says cheerily as they approach his car. “Good news… D.C. traffic is not a complete nightmare at the moment, so this airport trip will be much more enjoyable since it won’t feature me flipping everyone off and swearing constantly. Let me grab the luggage from the bellhop over there and we’ll get going.”

“Thanks, doll.” Ali kisses his cheek.

“Yeah, thank you, Kyle. It’s really sweet of you to drive me to the airport, I appreciate it.” Ashlyn says gratefully.

“My pleasure, all-star.” Kyle waves her off. “Be right back.” He heads over to grab the luggage and load it into the car. By the time he’s done, he notices that both women have settled into the backseat and are so close together that you couldn’t even wedge a dime between them. Normally, he couldn’t help but make a comment about being a chauffeur, but he doesn’t say a word.

The airport is about a twenty-five minute drive and Kyle makes a little small talk along the way, but keeps it minimal and  only enough to keep things from getting awkward. He glances in the rearview mirror every so often to see the two of them stealing kisses, eyes never leaving each other even when they’re talking to him. His heart breaks for them. He can see how in love they are, how agonizing this departure is going to be. He makes a mental note to cancel all of his clients for the next few days because he knows that this is going to be rough. Ali is going to need him more than ever.

Kyle pulls up to the drop-off parking area and heads right over to the outdoor luggage stand of Ashlyn’s airline. He quickly explains the situation that she can’t carry her bags and two airline workers efficiently tag and check her bags so they can be loaded onto the plane without her having to carry them to the check-in counter first. Ashlyn walks over to present her ID and printed boarding pass, and the task is done.

“Alright all-star, bring it in.” Kyle opens his arms for a hug as Ali stands just behind Ashlyn. “You have my number… don’t be a stranger, ok? Call anytime and all the time.” He hugs her snuggly and gets closer to her ear. “And call her every waking moment you can.”

“I promise I will.” Ashlyn replies back and squeezes him again before letting go.

“Love you, bestie…have a safe flight.” Kyle holds up his fist.

“You too, bro… thanks again for everything.” Ashlyn smiles and bumps his fist.

“I’m going to alternate between circling and parking here for the allowed 10 minutes. Take all the time you need… take every second, ok?” Kyle says as he gives Ali a quick hug and gets an appreciative little nod in return. “Go.” He pushes her lightly in Ashlyn’s direction and goes back to the car.

\-------------

Ashlyn already checked-in for her flight online before they left the hotel, so she and Ali make their way over to the security area so they can spend every last second together.  They find a couple chairs nearby and settle in close to each other, knowing that they only have about 20 minutes before Ashlyn really needs to get in that security line.

They spend a few minutes just looking at each other and going in for little kisses every so often until Ali finally speaks because she feels like she’s going to breakdown and cry if she doesn’t.

“So… what are you going to do when you get home?” Ali asks.

“I don’t know. I guess take it easy the first couple days and probably stay with my grandparents a couple nights to catch up with them. Maybe do some household stuff they need help with, at least what I can manage anyway. I’ll have to remind myself not to overdo it with stuff like weeding, mowing, taking out the trash…” Ashlyn starts to list things before Ali pipes up with her own addition.

“Surf even when you know you shouldn’t.” Ali raises an eyebrow.

“How do you know I surf?” Ashlyn asks playfully. “I don’t remember mentioning that.”

“I Googled you, remember?” Ali laughs. “Ashlyn Harris, the basketball playing surfer girl from Satellite Beach.” She throws up a hang ten symbol with her hand. “Apparently you’re quite the skateboarder too.”

“I don’t even want to know what else you know about me.” Ashlyn shakes her head. “But yes…I’m dying to surf. Promise I won’t do it before I get cleared to though. Mostly I just love going out there and floating on my board, thinking about stuff, and finding some peace.”

“Well, I’m sure this experience will give you a lot to think about out there.” Ali smiles. “Hopefully good things.”

“The best things. You’ll be the most peaceful thought I’ve ever had out there.” Ashlyn leans in for a kiss.

“You’re gonna make me cry, it won’t take much.” Ali warns.

“Don’t cry. If you cry, I’ll cry…and I’m a full on sobbing ugly crier. Then I’ll have to get through security balling my eyes out and they’ll flag me for an extra security pat down… at which point I’ll be a mess and not able to answer their questions without drawing suspicion. And then I’ll get hauled off to a holding area where I’ll probably cry even harder and then get put in the slammer. Can’t have that.” Ashlyn jokes.

“I suppose not.” Ali lets out a little giggle and nuzzles her face into the crook of Ashlyn’s neck. “I’m going to miss you so much, Ash. I’ve only known you for barely three weeks and I don’t even know what I did before that without you.”

“You wrote amazing books, kicked ass every single day, and graced the world with your beautiful mind and gorgeous appearance. Duh.” Ashlyn meets her eyes. “I’m going to miss you too, baby. So damn much. But I’ll call you every second I get. We’ll text…we’ll FaceTime… so much that you’ll be sick of me.”

“You better. I’ll never be sick of you.” Ali puts her hand behind Ashlyn’s head and pulls her in for a long romantic kiss, abandoning the effort of trying to be discrete because of the other people around them.

There’s silence for a few more minutes, more kisses, more lingering touches…and then it’s time.

“I really have to get in that line.” Ashlyn sighs deeply and stands up, pulling Ali into a tight embrace. “Fuck, I hate this.”

“Me too.” Ali whispers emotionally. “Don’t forget about me, ok?”

“Hey now…” Ashlyn pulls back to look at her, holding her face gently in her hands. “Of course I won’t forget you, pretty girl. You’re my girl, remember? My all-in wonderful thing. This is not a goodbye, ok? It’s a see you soon.”

“Ok…it’s a see you soon.” Ali repeats. “We can do this.”

“We definitely can.” Ashlyn says reassuringly. “I’ll see you as soon as I can… really, really soon if we count FaceTime.”

“I love you, Ash.” Ali presses her forehead to Ashlyn’s.

“Not just because I gave you a kidney, right?” Ashlyn jokes to hold herself together.

“Especially because you gave me a kidney.” Ali plays back. “Buuut… I’m after way more than your kidney, marshmallow.”

“Oh yeah?” Ashlyn challenges with a raised eyebrow.

“Yep. I want these.” Ali stands back just a bit and holds Ashlyn’s hands in hers, giving them a squeeze. “And this.” She puts one of her hands over Ashlyn’s heart. “And this.” She kisses Ashlyn’s forehead. “And definitely these…” She pulls Ashlyn into a deep kiss.

“Mmmmm.” Ashlyn moans a bit when Ali pulls away from the kiss, her eyes still hooded. “All excellent choices…and all already yours. So, is that all?” She smirks.

“Nope.” Ali smirks and reaches around to quickly squeeze Ashlyn’s ass. “I also want this…and a few other things that will probably get us arrested right now if I claim them.”

“Well those are also all yours.” Ashlyn winks. “Sooo, do I get all of those parts of you in return? Cause I’m a fair trade kind of girl.”

“I love you…so damn much.” It’s the only thing Ali can get out right now as the seconds tick down.

“Is that a yes?” Ashlyn gives her a dimpled grin.

“That’s a hell yes.” Ali can’t help but smile back.

Ashlyn fist pumps into the air enthusiastically with a grin before getting serious and locking onto her favorite cinnamon eyes. “I love you too, Alex. So much, baby.”

Ali hugs Ashlyn tight and buries her face into her neck again, not able to get close enough right now no matter how pressed together they are. She feels one of Ashlyn’s hands soothingly stroking her hip and it dawns on her that their ‘give’ tattoos are on opposite sides, so when they hug, their tattoos align and touch. It’s the perfect symbolism for how everything feels right now… this hug… the way Ashlyn kisses her… the way they connect… it’s what Ashlyn has been from the moment they met, and even from the moment she was made aware of Ashlyn’s existence without even knowing who she was yet… her match. Her perfect match in mind, body, heart, and soul. The thought makes a tear roll down her cheek even though she’s been fighting to hold it in.

Ashlyn hears the barely audible sob and feels the wetness on her neck. She pulls back and holds the brunette’s face gently again, trying to soothe her. “Don’t cry love. Urine my heart, always.” She smiles and wipes Ali’s tear with her thumb.

Ali can’t help but smile back and laugh. Of course this woman would know exactly what to say and when to say it. “Urine all the best places of me…you’re my hap-pee.” She counters with her own lame pun.

“There’s my beautiful smile. Such a nerd, Hello Kidney.” Ashlyn teases.

“Only for you, my dorky Kidney Express.” Ali sticks her tongue out. “I hate it… but you have to go.” She motions towards the line.

“Yeah, I know.” Ashlyn lets out a deep sigh.

“Text me when you land and call me tonight?” Ali asks quietly.

“Text you before I even take off, and when I land, and when I get home. And I plan to fall asleep to your beautiful face tonight.” Ashlyn promises. “I love you, Alex.”

“I love you too, Ash.” Ali kisses her hard, deep, with every bit of love she has, feeling Ashlyn kiss back with the same intensity...both of them putting it all on the line without words. Despite the circumstances, it’s the best kiss of her life.

“Go… have a safe flight.” Ali finally forces herself to pull away and lightly pushes Ashlyn in the direction of the security line.

Ashlyn sighs and nods, giving Ali one more smile and starting to walk away still holding the brunette’s hand. As soon as their arms stretch, she turns back and softly kisses Ali one more time. “See you soon, beautiful.” She walks away again, holding Ali’s hand until they are forced to let go and fingertips hang on for one final touch before they completely pull apart.

Ali turns right around and walks towards the drop-off parking area. This is what they both agreed to… walk away and not look back so that they don’t torture themselves with having to stare at each other from afar while Ashlyn makes her way through security.

Their resolve only lasts so long. Ali finally turns back to look as she nears the exit door. And of course, Ashlyn is looking right back at her. They both shrug with a smile and Ali feels her heart practically shattering. She waves and blows Ashlyn a kiss, watching the love of her life catch it and put it on her lips with a dimpled grin, the short-haired woman mouthing ‘I love you’ and tapping her heart.

 ‘I love you too’ Ali mouths back and taps her own heart before forcing herself to walk out the door because she can’t contain the tears anymore.

Luckily, Kyle’s car is right there and she practically jumps into it, launching herself at him as strangled, gasping sobs come out in full force.

“Oh, booboo.” Kyle catches her in his arms as best he can over the console and holds her close. “I know, Al, I know. It’s going to be okay, just let it all out. I’ve got you and we’ll figure it out.” He soothes her and just lets her cry.

\------------------

Ashlyn manages to focus on boarding her flight and holds herself together until she’s settled into her window seat. She leans her head against the window, her hands starting to tremble as she feels the slight bump of the plane being pushed from the gate. As soon as the plane starts making its way towards the runway…away from Alex Krieger… the tears spill out uncontrollably.

“You okay? First flight?” She feels a gentle touch on her forearm and turns her head from the window to see a handsome guy sitting next to her with short-buzzed dusty blonde hair and piercing blue eyes. He’s clean-shaven and looks to be in his 40s. As private of a person as she normally is, she really just needs someone right now.

“Uh… no.” She quickly wipes her face and gives him a tight smile before looking down at her lap. “First time leaving the first woman I’ve ever been in love with.”

“Ah well, that I understand completely.” He says empathetically. “What can I do?”

“I don’t actually know.” Ashlyn says quietly and finally turns to really look at the guy, now realizing he’s dressed in military fatigues adorned with all kinds of patches that suggest he must be high up in command. “Oh god…I’m so sorry.” She groans, immediately feeling embarrassed at crying to this poor service member who has probably just left his family behind for a warzone.

“No, please, don’t be.” He reassures her. “I’ve been doing this since I was 25. Never gets easier, but at least now I don’t leave my wife and kid for the front lines anymore.” He shrugs. “Captain Shawn Grafton.” He holds his hand out.

“Ashlyn Harris.” Ashlyn shakes his hand.

“Well, Ashlyn… how about you tell me about this lovely lady of yours?” Shawn suggests.

“Ok…I guess…are you sure?” Ashlyn asks hesitantly.

“Absolutely. Best way not to miss her is to talk about her, trust me.” Shawn encourages her.

“Alright, but stop me if it gets boring or you just want to chill and enjoy your flight.” Ashlyn says and gets a nod from him before she gives him pretty much the whole story outside of the more personal details. By the time she’s done, they’re halfway into the flight and the flight attendants are coming around with drinks and snacks.

“Wow! That is a really damn amazing story, just wow.” Shawn says in disbelief. “Yeah, I’d be crying my eyes out too if I was you. This could be a movie, seriously.”

“Yeah, except now I have to figure out how to get to the big happy ending where we’re together and not like 900 miles apart.” Ashlyn sighs.

“You will.” Shawn says confidently. “Gotta say, you two sound inseparable even if it hasn’t been all that long. Sounds the real deal, you know? When there’s a will, there’s a way.”

Ashlyn nods, letting his words calm her. “Thanks for letting me talk your ear off. You were right, I feel better.” She adds appreciatively.

“Told you. Anytime.” He smiles.

“So, tell me about your family. Did you say you’d been with your wife since you were 25?” Ashlyn returns the favor.

“Yep. Met her about 6 months before my first tour overseas. She was a barista at a coffee shop just outside of the base I was stationed at. It was love at first sight. We’ve been together for 20 years, married for 17.” Shawn answers proudly.

“That’s amazing…such a long time and you still have heart eyes.” Ashlyn smiles at him.

“That I do. No shame.” He laughs and taps her arm.

“You have a kid, right?” Ashlyn inquires, remembering what he said earlier.

“A daughter…Emery. We call her Emmie. She just turned 15.” Shawn replies.

“I sure hope for your sake that she is nothing like I was at 15.” Ashlyn jokingly cringes and laughs. “I’m sure she’s awesome.”

“She’s a good kid, thank god.” Shawn smiles. “Also beautiful, smart, and an athlete. So naturally, I made sure she knows enough self-defense to drop any guy that wrongs her like a sack of potatoes in 10 seconds flat.” He winks.

“Smart man.” Ashlyn high fives him. She listens to him talk about his family for a while and a little bit about what he exactly does until the pilot announces that they’re making their final descent.

“That went fast.” Shawn cranes his head to look out the window near Ashlyn.

“Thanks to you. I really appreciate you keeping me occupied. Totally saved me from having a total breakdown on this flight.” Ashlyn says warmly. “Can I ask you one more question?”

“Of course.” He nods.

“How did you do it all these years… the distance?” Ashlyn asks, hoping for an answer that will help her feel better about the current situation.

“Always be open and honest with each other. You have to communicate about everything, talk about your day, what you’re thinking, good or bad, all of it. Call every chance you get, write letters because it’s different than calling, send little gifts to let her know you’re thinking of her. And, above all else…always have a plan and path that leads back to her.” Shawn answers assuredly.

“That’s really damn good advice. Thank you, really.” Ashlyn says gratefully, feeling like she can do all those things.

“You bet. Like I said, I’ve been there.” He waves it off. “So, any chance I could get a picture with you and get you to sign something for me?”

“You knew this whole time?” Ashlyn laughs and shakes her head. She usually gets recognized by sports enthusiast women around the ages of 30 to 40, often lesbians, but rarely men.

“My daughter is a starting point guard for her high school basketball team and she’s only a freshman. She’s a huge fan of yours. I mean, have you seen yourself dunk a ball? That’s impressive stuff.” He admits. “Sorry about the leg, what shitty luck. I’m sure it was a rough blow. But it sounds like you’re still kicking life’s ass.” He adds with a thumbs up. “Oh and don’t worry about what you told me, that’s private and I won’t say a thing to anyone, promise you that.”

“Thanks, man.” Ashlyn smiles a bit shyly at the compliments. “And heck yeah…pictures and I’ll sign anything you want.” She watches his smile get bigger. “Actually, give me your phone.”

Shawn hands over his phone and watches her record a video message for his daughter, giving her some tips and wishing her luck on her season. “You just made me the coolest dad in the world. Thank you so much.” He says excitedly.

“The video was just a starter.” Ashlyn points to his phone. “I put my number in there. You guys are in D.C., right?”

“Yeah.” He replies, looking at her curiously.

“Make sure she calls or texts me. We’ll talk basketball and life. I’ll give her tips and whatever else she needs. And you’ll put her number in my phone, cause if she’s too shy to call me...I’ll call her.” She hands him her phone. “And next time I’m in n D.C., she and I will meet up and get in some one-on-one and have lunch and stuff. Now you’re the coolest dad ever.” Ashlyn winks.

“You’re serious?” Shawn asks still in shock.

“Completely serious. I promise I’ll meet up with your daughter when I’m back. Remember what you just said about having a path… well… mine goes through D.C. now.” Ashlyn smiles.

“Damn right it does! Go get her!” He says encouragingly. “You’re the absolute best, I mean it. That woman is majorly lucky. Although, sounds like you’re pretty lucky yourself.”

“You have no idea.” Ashlyn replies with a grin as the wheels touchdown.

\-------------

“Here, I know you probably don’t want to, but you have to eat. I highly doubt you and Ashlyn stopped to eat anything today or even last night.” Deb says with a smirk as she plops down on the couch next to her daughter and puts a plate with a sandwich in her lap.

“Oh my god, mom! Really?!” Ali turns red at the insinuation. “Fucking Kyle.” She mumbles under her breath, knowing for sure he spilled the beans while she napped for the last hour after crying all her energy out.

“Oh please, when have you ever been shy with me about that?” Deb challenges.

“I’m not…I don’t know.” Ali says non-committedly and pokes at her sandwich.

“Welcome to being completely head-over-heels in love, baby girl.” Deb smiles and gently rubs her shoulder.

“How did…” Ali starts to ask but gets cut off.

“Oh please, the way you reacted to even the mere mention of her name right after surgery and then the first time I saw her look at you… _EVERYONE_ knew it was coming and that it would be majorly serious when it happened.” Deb laughs lightly. “I’m happy for you, honey. She’s wonderful and so are you.”

Ali sighs. “What am I going to do, Mom? It literally hurts to breathe right now.”

“I know.” Deb pulls Ali into her side and hugs her with one arm. “It’s just the first day, Alex. It’ll get a little better as you settle into it more. You both have some more healing to do and you have your surgery coming up. We’ll all get used to you being on the phone with her half of the day. And then, you’ll work something out. But, it’s not going to happen in one day. So, eat, relax, take it one day at a time, and…see… right on time.” Deb smiles as Ali’s phone starts ringing and a picture of Ashlyn kissing Ali’s cheek pops up on the screen.

“Thanks, Mom.” Ali says appreciatively, knowing her advice is always the best.

“Answer your phone, honey.” Deb kisses the top of her head and gets up to give her some privacy. “Tell her I said hi… and eat for fuck’s sake!”

\----------------

Ashlyn thanks the cab driver for carrying her luggage to the door and then takes a deep breath before pulling out her keys and unlocking the door.

“Lucy, Ricky…I’m home!” Ashlyn jokingly calls out as she pokes her head in the door.

“Sprout!” Gramps sits up in his recliner and calls for her grandmother.

“Kit, you’re home!” Gram runs in from the kitchen, both of them going over to hug her softly.

“Hey guys, missed you.” Ashlyn closes her eyes and relishes in the smell of home and the solid feel of her grandparents in her arms.

“Let me look at you.” Gram stands back a bit and looks her up and down. “Better than the other day when we FaceTimed, but you still look like shit.”

“Gee, thanks Gram.” Ashlyn rolls her eyes.

“Well, you look thin.” Gramp adds.

“Well I did lose some body mass… approximately the weight of a kidney.” Ashlyn chuckles and gets a nudge from Gram.

“Ok, my little comedian… how about you stop putting on a show for us and get real.” Gram eyes her knowingly before going into the kitchen and coming right back out with her hands full. “Here, take this cup of tea and towel… go sit your ass on the beach, call your girlfriend, and let it all out. Gramp will put your bags in your room and I’ll make a dinner good enough to put some meat back on those bones and cure what ails you. You can tell us all about it while we eat.”

“How on earth…” Ashlyn doesn’t even bother finishing the statement when she gets another look from both her grandparents.

“We saw the way you two looked at each other on FaceTime. Am I wrong?” Gram raises an eyebrow.

“You’re never wrong, Gram.” Ashlyn concedes. “I’m sorry. I’m really glad to be home and don’t mean to be all mopey. This just…sucks.” She says apologetically, not able to find a better word.

“With great love comes great longing.” Gramp ruffles her hair. “You’re supposed to be mopey. And then eventually you’ll find it in you to give yourself a good kick in the pants and get yourself headed in the right direction. But that’s for another day….today you cry, and hurt, and eat some down-home cooking while you gush about her to the people who love you most and are thrilled for you. Forget the rest for now.”

“Thank you.” Ashlyn gives them a little smile and nods.

 “Welcome home, sprout.” Gramp kisses her on the cheek.

“Go on. I’m sure she’s waiting by the phone. Dinner in an hour.” Gram gives her a little push towards the door.

“Yep, never keep a beautiful lady waiting! I definitely taught you better than that!” Gramp adds as he goes to grab the luggage.

“Right.” Ashlyn takes another deep breath and heads out the door, making the short half-block walk down to the sand.

\---------------------

“Hey beautiful. Told you I’d call you back in no time.” Ashlyn smiles at Ali’s face looking back at her through the phone.

The two women had a normal phone conversation earlier in the evening while Ashlyn sat on the beach. Each of them recounted their last few hours, both laughing at how easily their families had figured it all out. Ashlyn told Ali about the soldier on her flight. Ali praised Kyle and her mother for keeping her sane all afternoon. Before they knew it, an hour had passed and Ashlyn had to excuse herself to go have dinner with her grandparents, promising to call back soon and actually FaceTime.

“Called to torture me, did you?” Ali eyes her playfully.

“Torture you?” Ashlyn cocks her head to side in confusion.

“You’re not wearing a shirt, marshmallow.” Ali teases a bit, simultaneously trying to keep herself from too obviously ogling Ashlyn in her sports bra. She can practically still feel the soft warm skin against her own.

“Oh, right. This is how I sleep, remember? You were pre-warned.” Ashlyn jokes back.

“Funny, I don’t remember that bra being on last night.” Ali pretends to ponder with a smirk on her face. “But two can play this game.” She slowly pulls off her tank top and sits there in her own bra.

“Cruel, baby. Just cruel.” Ashlyn swallows hard at the perfect body on the screen, subconsciously pulling her phone a little closer to her face.

“You have a little drool…right…there.” Ali teases and pretends to wipe Ashlyn’s face through the phone.

“Funny.” Ashlyn rolls her eyes.

“You love me.” Ali replies with a grin.

“I do love you.” Ashlyn says more seriously, the lump in her throat back.

“I miss you so much. This is the worst. You’re right in front of me and still a million miles away.” Ali sighs.

“I’m not even a thousand miles away.” Ashlyn tries to make her smile.

“Just the same.” Ali shrugs.

“I know. I miss you too, Alex.” Ashlyn returns the sentiment.

“Wish more than anything that I was sitting beside you right now.” Ali says with a little pout.

Ashlyn stays quiet for a few seconds as the words run through her mind.

“You ok?” Ali asks after the extended silence.

“Oh, uh…yeah.” Ashlyn snaps out of it. “It’s really clear here. What’s the weather like there right now?”

“Umm, pretty clear here too. Why?” Ali asks a bit befuddled by the random question.

“Go to your window.” Ashlyn instructs and gets up to do the same.

“Ok…” Ali goes with it.

“What do you see?” Ashlyn asks.

“Darkness?” Ali answers a bit perplexed.

“Work with me, Alex. Look harder, what exactly do you see?” Ashlyn presses again.

“Ok. It’s really dark here but, I can kinda see some trees, a really distant street light, lots of stars, and the moon.” Ali replies.

“Bingo.” Ashlyn grins. “Look at the moon. I am too.”

“Because it’s exactly the same no matter where you are and it’s like I’m right beside you.” Ali smiles at the thought, her mind immediately going back to the conversation they had about their favorite things. “You’re perfect.”

“Not really, but I’ll always try to be for you.” Ashlyn says sweetly.

“You’re doing a damn good job so far, charmer.” Ali blows her a kiss and watches Ashlyn give her a goofy smile before yawning. “You’re wiped, Ash.  Go get in bed.”

“I don’t wanna.” Ashlyn whines, knowing she’s exhausted and likely to fall asleep as soon as she gets comfortable, but not ready to get off the phone yet.

“Hey, you. You have to take care of yourself. Bed…now, Kidney Express!” Ali playfully points a finger in warning.

“Such a dictator, Hello Kidney.” Ashlyn pouts but does as she’s told, settling into bed and getting cozy, another yawn coming out involuntarily.

“Much better. It was a long day and you need some sleep. I suppose I do too.” Ali admits.

“I know, just can’t stand the thought of hanging up right now.” Ashlyn confesses.

“Who said anything about hanging up yet? You did promise to fall asleep to my beautiful face, did you not?” Ali smirks at her.

“I most definitely did. And you are, you know… so incredibly beautiful.” Ashlyn says reverently.

“And you’re sweet, adorable, and make my heart do flips. Now plug your phone into the charger and put it on your pillow so I can see you.” Ali directs.

“M’kay.” Ashlyn replies when she’s done.

“Good. I’m going to tell you all about the first track meet I ever won. You’ll be asleep in no time.” Ali winks. “Promise I won’t hang up until you’re snoring.”

“I don’t snore.” Ashlyn protests.

“Whatever lets you sleep at night, marshmallow.” Ali teases. “I love you, Ash.”

“I love you too, baby.” Ashlyn replies and snuggles further into her pillow, studying Ali’s face on the screen.

“Close your eyes.” Ali watches green-swirled hazel get replaced by long, silken eyelashes as Ashlyn complies before starting her story. She has only gotten to the part where she wore her lucky sneakers that day when she hears the soft, rumbling snore that is already so familiar.

“Sleep well, love. See you in my dreams.” Ali kisses her phone and ends the call, immediately closing her eyes to try and doze off before the afterimage of Ashlyn’s peacefully sleeping face from the bright screen can fully dissipate from behind her eyelids.


	12. The Get

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Let's put a satisfying end to the minimal angst and get all fluffy again in time for the weekend, shall we?
> 
> Thanks for reading and letting me know what you think of the resolution here :-)

“Baby! You look so good! I miss you!” Ali blows a kiss at her phone.

“Hi beautiful.” Ashlyn smiles. “How are you feeling? Can’t believe they gave you a phone when you’re still so…uh… groggy.” She snickers at her clearly loopy girlfriend who is goofily grinning at the phone with her eyes darting around a bit. Although she was expecting a call at some point, she thought it would be Deb or Kyle calling to fill her in…especially with it being so soon after the surgery.

“I’m great… but…” Ali looks around and leans in closer to the phone. “I’d be so much better if you were naked…I love you naked.” She attempts to whisper and majorly fails, her voice pretty loud.

“Yep, this was definitely a bad idea.” Ashlyn turns red, knowing there is no way Ali is alone. “Please tell me your dad isn’t in the room right now.”

“No worries, all-star…it’s just me!” Kyle’s head pops into the screen beside Ali’s. “And that was hilarious!” He chortles.

“Yeah, that’s not much better.” Ashlyn groans.

“Oh please, it’s not like I didn’t already know you two majorly knocked boots, honey. Even a blind person could have seen those bedroom eyes you two had for each other on the way to airport.” Kyle sasses.

“We knocked boots.” Ali giggles. “And it was so fucking good.” She says in a sultry voice tone.

“Alex, I love you, but please make it stop before one of your parents walks in.” Ashlyn pleads.

“Too late!” Deb’s head pops in on Ali’s other side. “Hi sweetie, how’s Florida?”

“Um, hi. Florida is good.” Ashlyn says in an overly squeaky voice, trying not to die of embarrassment.

“Relax, Ashlyn. Like Kyle said, _everybody_ knows.” Deb winks. “We don’t do shy in this family, so wipe that blush off your face.”

“Ok then.” Ashlyn whispers and composes herself, quickly trying to just move on before she sees Ken pop up on the screen too. “How did the surgery go? How is she?”

“She did great!” Deb turns the phone more towards herself, so now it’s just her and Ali in the frame. “Fistula was easily removed and all went perfectly as expected. They made two incisions about 4 inches long and they should mostly heal up about 8 to 14 days. We’ll be on our way home in a couple hours.”

“That’s great news.” Ashlyn smiles in relief. “I’m so glad it went well.”

“Ash, I miss you.” Ali pouts and gets her attention.

“I miss you too, pretty girl. So much.” Ashlyn sees Deb move away to give them a little privacy. “Wish I was there with you.”

“Me too.” Ali yawns, the exhaustion clearly kicking in as the anesthesia wears off.

“Go close your eyes and rest. You need to take care of yourself. You can call me anytime, but go rest for a bit so you can go home. I promise we’ll talk again as soon as you’re up and feeling a little better, ok?” Ashlyn says gently.

“Mmm’kay.” Ali smiles sleepily. “Really love you.” She closes her eyes.

“I love you too, Alex. Sleep well.” Ashlyn replies softly.

“Oh sure, we tell her to sleep and she refuses. You tell her and she’s out like a light.” Kyle rolls his eyes as he takes the phone.

“It’s a skill.” Ashlyn teases. “Take care of her and let me know if there’s anything I can do, ok? She or you guys can call me anytime.” She feels foolish even saying it because Ali’s family has been taking care of her for years, but she feels so helpless right now.

“I promise that your princess will be perfectly pampered.” Kyle assures her sweetly. “Love you, bestie!”

“You too, bro.” Ashlyn replies and ends the call. She lets out a deep breath and finishes changing the outdoor light near her grandparents’ front door. After just over a week of constant calls and FaceTime sessions, her desperation is already getting the best of her. As she starts to feel a little more normal and begins to get back into her routine, it has become crystal clear that she needs to get her ass in gear and figure something out before she loses her mind over missing Ali. Her conflicted feelings over how she moves forward have to get sorted out fast and she knows exactly who she needs to talk to.

\----------------

“Hey, booboo. What’d the doc say?” Kyle asks as he walks into her condo to hang out after a full afternoon of clients, knowing Ali had her 7 day post-surgery follow-up this morning.

“Everything is healing well and I can pretty much go back to normal activities, except for not lifting anything over 10lbs with this arm for another 2 weeks.” Ali says happily.

“Smashingly good!” Kyle says with fake British accent. “And how’s the all-star?” He asks knowingly, having seen the beaming smile on his sister’s face that is always plastered there soon after they hang up from a call.

“She’s perfect.” Ali sighs, her eyes a bit unfocused and looking beyond Kyle. “Dr. Carter cleared me to travel. I need to talk to Ash and figure out when is good to visit. I know it has only been 2 weeks and I’m pathetic, but I just need to see her.”

“Hmmm.” Kyle hums as he considers it. “So, just a visit?” He quirks an eyebrow at her.

“What else would it be?” Ali looks at him quizzically.

“Oookay, we really need to talk. Like deep level shit here…it’s time.” Kyle puts it bluntly.

“What are…” Ali starts to question, but just gets pulled by the hand.

“Come on. You and me. Balcony chat. Now.” Kyle leads her out onto the little back balcony of her condo where they’ve spilled secrets and talked life on so many occasions. “Sit.” He points to the cushioned chair.

“Kyle…” Ali pleads with him to tell her what he’s thinking because she’s lost.

“Alex.” Kyle sits across from her and meets her eyes before leveling with her. “Your life right now is like a game of chess.” They’ve played endless games together and he’s trying to get through to her in a way she understands.

“Uh, ok…” Ali tries to follow along.

“You and Ashlyn are on opposite ends of the board, each playing your own game.” He looks up to see Ali nod. “And you’ve both played your games valiantly as individuals, done everything the best you could have to get where you are…but… now the only move you can make puts you in check and same for her. Neither of you can move without losing your game, without majorly changing all the things you’ve come to rely on. You’re in a stalemate, booboo.”

“Yeah, exactly.” Ali looks at him still a bit lost. “I appreciate your metaphor here, but we’ve already gone over this.”

“Alex, you can’t win the game you’re playing and neither can she.” Kyle tries again.

“I know…so what are you getting at?” Ali says a bit frustrated.

“So change the game, honey. Throw the fucking game out the window and play another one. Change the game and make a move. Get me now?” Kyle implores her with raised eyebrows.

“Yeah maybe, but how?” Ali can’t wrap her mind around it.

“Ok, let’s try this another way.” Kyle keeps at it. “Forget everything that is reality for a second. In a perfect world, what do you want?”

“I want to travel the world.” Ali replies easily.

“Alright, what else?” He presses.

“I want to keep writing.” She answers. “To build a charitable foundation that helps people like me.”

“Excellent, what else?” He probes further.

“I want a wife that I’m madly in love with.” Ali smiles and then pauses for a second before revealing something she hasn’t ever said out loud before. “I want a family.”

“And?” Kyle keeps going.

“And…” Ali sighs. “I…I’m realizing I want all those things with Ash.” She finally puts it out there.

“Good.” Kyle grins at her. “Now, what part of any of that has to be done here in Virginia?”

“I can’t just up and move.” The idea seems foreign to her.

“Why not? Explain it to me. What is keeping you here?” Kyle asks bluntly.

“You guys are here. My treatment is here.” Ali muses out loud, only coming up with those two things, but they’re important things.

“First of all, your treatment is majorly changing, Al. You’re already a thousand times better and it’s only going to go up from here. You’re not tied to treatment or dialysis right now. And it’s not like the only kidney specialist in the world is in D.C.” He shoots her a look.

“Yeah, ok. That’s true. But what about you and Mom and Dad, and Jim? I can’t just leave you guys, especially since you’ve built everything here to be around me.” Ali challenges back.

“First of all, you know Mom will eventually settle in Miami when she’s ready. Dad is going to be here doing his thing, but that’s what flights and holidays are for. Same for Jim, he’d have this same exact talk with you and you know it. You guys can Price is Right over the phone.” He says pointedly before continuing.

 “And me… it was a great thing for me to get myself started here where I had friends and connections to build a client base with. I may eventually move onto something else somewhere else, but I’m happy here for now until I see the right opportunity come along. And, I can tell you that the right opportunity will always be one that puts me closer to you. I know you think that you’ve been holding us back all these years, but newsflash princess, we’re doing the things that make us happy and we’ll continue to do that no matter what you do.” Kyle spells it out for her.  “You can’t tell me that you wouldn’t do the same thing if the tables were turned here.”

Ali nods thinking back to her conversation with Ashlyn about this very topic. “Yeah, ok. But Kyle, this is crazy. I’ve known her less than two months. How is it not insane to just drop everything to be with her?”

“Is that your hang-up?” Kyle questions. “This is too far outside of the proper life standards?”

“Everything in me says she’s the one, but then this whole thing just seems so, I don’t know… odd, like a weird fairytale, complete madness?” Ali shrugs, not even sure.

“Sooo… she’s _the one_ , huh?” Kyle says with a smile.

“Yeah.” Ali affirms softly with her own smile.

“You know, every time I have ever heard anyone talk about knowing someone was ‘the one’, there is always some aspect of the story that was a bit strange or unique. Seems to me like you’re on the right track.” He reasons.

“I guess so.” Ali considers it.

“Honestly, don’t think at all right now. What does your heart want?” He presses again.

“To be with her. I love her. She’s it.” Ali replies with zero doubt.

“Ok, then do it. Stop looking with your eyes and start looking with your heart. She’s the essential thing, Alex. Listen to your own damn tattoo.” He points to her side. “Your game is in Florida. Go get it. Go play it. Make a damn move…literally.” He throws his arms up to make his point more elaborately.

Ali bites her lip, her heart racing as fast as her mind is. “Yeah… ok…yes.”

“Yes?” Kyle prods her for more.

“Yes. I need to talk to Mom and Dad, but… I…I’m doing it. I’m going.” Ali says resolutely, feeling lighter and more confident than she ever has. “Ahhh, this is crazy.”

“Breakthrough, bitch!” Kyle jumps up out of his chair elatedly. “Fuck yes, Alex! Eeeek, I’m so damn excited! I’m taking you out for a feast of a dinner, let’s go!”

Ali gives a happy little squeal and gets up to hug him tight. “Thank you.” She whispers in his ear, more grateful for him in this moment than ever. This is exactly what she needed. One person…just one meaningful person in her life to tell her it was okay to blindly follow her heart like she wants to.

“Always.” Kyle whispers back and kisses the top of her head. “I’m so happy. Also can’t wait to visit you down there!”

“Easy, diva. Still plenty to do to make this happen.” Ali tries to be a little realistic.

“Whatever, buzzkill. I need to change clothes for dinner.” Kyle nudges her playfully and heads towards the door.

Ali looks over the pine trees in her backyard, her lips curling into a smile when it suddenly hits her that this won’t be her backyard for that much longer…at least she hopes.

“Oh, by the way...” Kyle pokes his head back out the door and interrupts Ali’s moment. “Go ahead and talk to Mom and Dad, but they’ll tell you the exact same thing I just did. We all talked about it like over a week ago. I just got selected to make you see the light.” He blows her a kiss and goes back inside.

“Of. Fucking. Course.” Ali shakes her head, unable to wipe the beaming smile off of her face.

\-------------------                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                      

“So, dude…tell me everything.” Josh says as he plops down across from Ashlyn at the outdoor picnic table of the rundown beach shack restaurant that only locals appreciate. “Can’t believe you’ve been back for like two weeks and this is the first time I’m seeing your ugly mug.” He adds while pouring some barbecue sauce on his pulled pork sandwich.

“Yeah, I know…just been kinda busy catching up on stuff between my place and the grandparents’.” Ashlyn shrugs and thinks about where to start. The two of them made some small talk while they ordered their food, but nothing substantial.

“Alright, so how are you feeling? Did it suck?” Josh asks.

“Feeling a lot better now and mostly normal, but still get tired easily and achy sometimes. It was kind of worse than I was expecting.” Ashlyn admits. “I guess I didn’t realize how much time my body would need to adapt to only one kidney and how rough I would feel.”

“That sucks. No good deed goes unpunished.” He half jokes. “Really though, you’re fucking amazing. I mean it. That was some majorly selfless shit. I’m proud of you.” He adds more seriously.

“It was no big deal. And it was a way of healing for me too.” Ashlyn shrugs it off.

“It was a big deal, baby Harris. Acknowledge it before I slap you silly with this carrot stick.” Josh gives her a pointed look and holds up a carrot.

“Fine, it was a big deal. Happy?” Ashlyn rolls her eyes.

“Are you?” Josh throws the question right back.

“Am I what?” Ashlyn asks in confusion.

“Happy. Cause you seem… different.” He eyes her curiously. “What exactly happened in D.C.?”

“Nothing. Everything. I don’t fucking know.” Ashlyn lets out a deep breath. “I’m happy. I’m miserable. And everything in between.” She knew she wouldn’t last long before Josh knew something was up. Just like her brother, he has always been very intuitive and very blunt. There is good reason he and Chris were best friends. That’s the whole reason she’s here.

“Alrighty.” Josh takes a bite of his sandwich. “How about we start with the ‘everything’ and ‘happy’ part then.”

“Ali Krieger.” Ashlyn just blurts the name out like she was dying to say it out loud.

“And that would be…” Josh prompts her.

“My kidney recipient.” Ashlyn enlightens him before just spilling it. “I fell in love with my kidney recipient.”

“Oooh dang!” Josh literally stands up out of his chair and claps her on the shoulder. “Did not see that one coming! Yeeewww, Harris!”

“Easy, bro.” Ashlyn tries to get him to sit down before he attracts any more attention.

“Ok, ok. So, pause…rewind.” Josh sits back down and looks at her seriously. “You said love.” He raises his eyebrows at her.

“Yep. Love. I love her.” Ashlyn says earnestly with a little smile.

“I’m not trying to be a dick here…” Josh forewarns. “But do you know what that… I mean… have you ever even said that to someone romantically?”

“Nope.” Ashlyn confirms.

Josh lets out a low whistle. “So, this is major?”

“This is major. Very, very, major.” Ashlyn scratches the back of her head.

Josh nods and takes it in for a minute. “And she’s in D.C.?”

Ashlyn nods her head yes. “Well, Virginia, but pretty much D.C.”

“And you’re here?” Josh immediately sees the problem.

“I’m here.” Ashlyn repeats.

“So, why exactly are you here?” Josh folds his hands on the table and looks her right in the eye.

“You know damn well why I’m here Joshua Avery Billings.” Ashlyn glares at him a bit.

  
“And you came to me for a very specific reason Ashlyn Michelle Harris. So let me give you your money’s worth.” He throws it right back at her. “You know damn well that you mess with the bull and you get the horns. So, spell it out for me. Why are you here?”

“Come on, Josh. I promised. I promised I’d live his dream. His dream is here.” Ashlyn says unceremoniously with a little bite in her tone.

“What was his dream, Ashlyn?” Josh keeps digging.

“For us to co-own a restaurant in South Beach.” Ashlyn says matter-of-factly.

“Was that all?” Josh keeps his stare on her.

“Mostly. He wanted a family, but I don’t think I can quite live that one out for him exactly the way he intended.” Ashlyn jokes a bit.

Josh doesn’t so much as crack a smile. “Come the fuck on, Harris. I keep waiting and I’m here to help you see this through and look out for you like I promised him…but when the hell are you going to wake up and realize?”

“Realize what?” Ashlyn replies back in frustration.

“When you had to choose a college and were stuck between Central Florida and UConn… why'd you pick UConn?” Josh ignores her snappiness and keeps at it.

“Because Chris told me I’d be stupid not to go to the best basketball program in the country on a full ride, even if I was hesitant to leave home.” Ashlyn answers with a sigh.

“Right. And when you were about to graduate college…what was your plan?” He presses.

“To start the restaurant with him.” Ashlyn looks down at the table.

“Hey, eyes up here.” Josh refuses to let up on her and waits until she’s looking at him again. “And why didn’t that happen?”

Ashlyn clenches her hands together, trying to get the words out. “Because he made me enter the WNBA draft.”

“Right. And why did he do that?” He asks more gently.

Ashlyn looks up at the sky for a second, trying to fight back the tear that rolls down her cheek anyway. “Because…” She lets out a deep breath. “Because he knew how happy basketball made me and that it was the best way for me to be able to do all the things I wanted to in life. He knew he didn’t have long and he wanted me to live at my best.”

“Exactly.” Josh reaches over and takes her hand. “He didn’t just have one dream, Ashlyn. Why can’t you see that? Sure he had his personal dream of that restaurant…and you were everything to him, so he wanted to include you in it. But above all else, he wanted you to be happy.”

“I know.” Ashlyn concedes in a whisper, her grip on Josh’s hand like a vice.

“She makes you happy?” Josh asks softly.

“She does.” Ashlyn smiles.

“And you love her?” He prods again.

“I love her. It’s a crazy whirlwind, I know…but I think she’s endgame.” Ashlyn reveals.

“Then what the fuck are you doing here?” Josh asks for a second time.

“I…I don’t know.” Ashlyn runs a hand through her hair. “How can I live his dream and be with her in D.C.?”

“Maybe by not limiting yourself and living more than one of his dreams instead of forcing just the restaurant?” Josh suggests.

“What do you mean?” Ashlyn questions.

“And you have a college degree…” Josh eases up a bit to tease her. “Here’s a wild idea…how about you do what makes you happy just like he would have wanted and then figure out how to open a restaurant wherever you are that would make him proud.”

“Go to D.C.?” Ashlyn reads into what he is saying.

“She’s smarter than she looks.” Josh jokes again.

“But dude, a restaurant in D.C.? That is so far from the vision of South Beach…it… it changes the whole idea. It’s so far from what we planned. I want to do this right and not in a way that would disappoint him. Even if he’s not here. And how can I just leave Gram and Gramp?” Ashlyn puts her fears on the table.

“Ashlyn, you could never ever disappoint him. You know that.” He appeals to her and gets a nod. “And don’t you even try and tell me that if you didn’t hurt your leg, you wouldn’t still be in Russia. Gram and Gramp have done just fine all these years and they have a good community here to help them out. You can easily visit at any time and you know they’d kill you if they even heard this conversation right now. I have no doubt that Gram is ready to ship you off in a box to D.C. any day now.”

“Ugh.” Ashlyn groans. “Why is this so hard? I know better, and my heart just wants to go to D.C. and do everything you just said. But my mind…I’m so tied to that dream. Josh, that dream has held me together for years and given me the motivation to keep going. How can I just drop it like that?”

“Tell me about her.” Josh says out of nowhere.

“Ali?” Ashlyn clarifies.

“No, your Gram. Yes, Ali.” Josh rolls his eyes.

“She’s…” Ashlyn starts but quickly finds herself at a loss to do Ali justice. “I don’t even have words.” She pulls out her phone and shows him a picture, figuring it’s as good a place to start as any.

“Oh, whew…Harris, she is beautiful.” Josh says with a little whistle. “Damn bro, that is the perfect wave right there. Sure you can ride that thing without wiping out?” He smiles at her.

“Haven’t wiped out yet.” Ashlyn smirks.

“Oooooh…up here!” He holds up his hand for a high-five and Ashlyn obliges. “She funny?”

“She’s the queen of lame humor, but I can’t stop laughing and smiling around her. She’s a total nerd and happens to be the author of one of my favorite books. She’s no bullshit…fearless, brave, bold, and driven. And above all else, she’s kind, and sweet, and genuine, and real. She doesn’t hold back with me, good or bad, and complements my intensity in every way…matching it and also rounding it out. And this is going to sound so damn cheesy, but…it’s like everyone else looks at me and sees the broken cracks and all she seems to see is more places to fill with love.” Ashlyn finally finds her words, only to feel a hard slap on the back of the head. “Ow, what the fuck?” She glares at Josh.

“That one was directly from Chris. You don’t even have to ask why.” He points a finger at her and snickers. “Seriously, what the fuck are you still doing here?!”

Ashlyn groans and goes to open her mouth, but Josh cuts her off.

“Blah, blah, blah…you have the perfect woman, but you’re torn up about a dream and a promise. I know, I know.” Josh shakes his head as he answers for her. “Let me solve this for you because you’re too dense at the moment to see it yourself.”

“Uh…ok.” Ashlyn raises her eyebrows curiously.

“So, a restaurant in D.C. is not at all what you and Chris envisioned.” Josh starts. “Not the beachside tourist and surfer oasis you had in mind.”

“Right.” Ashlyn affirms.

“Ever consider that maybe there is more than one place with ocean and sand other than South Beach? In fact, there’s this little spot with two places in its name that has exactly what you need. Hmmm, what is it called?” He pretends to think hard. “Oh, right! Virginia Beach! Ever heard of it?” He says sarcastically. “Surfers, tourists… sound familiar?”

“Oh.” Ashlyn says softly, feeling both rooted to the spot and also like the earth underneath her just shook.

“Oh? That’s it?!” Josh says incredulously and throws his arms up.

“You’re an asshole, but I love you.” Ashlyn smiles.

“Which is exactly why you came here. You’re welcome.” He smiles back. “If I only knew what I was agreeing to when I promised him I’d look out for you.” He jokes.

Ashlyn can only smile at him, admiring all the things that make him so much like her brother. She gets up and walks around the table, pulling him into a tight hug. “Thank you.”

“You’re doing amazing things all on your own, baby Harris. I’m just here to push you towards all those things you absolutely deserve and don’t always see, just like he always did.” Josh squeezes her tight.

“You have no idea what that means to me.” Ashlyn says emotionally before pulling back to look at him and smiling. “Can’t wait for you to meet her.”

“Me either. For you to have said all those things out loud, I can only imagine how great she is.” He says warmly before putting his hand on her shoulder. “So, we were supposed to discuss getting back to finding a retail space. Where am I looking?”

“Virginia Beach.” Ashlyn answers confidently with a huge grin on her face.

“Fuck yes!” Josh fist bumps her.

\--------------------

“So, before we eat…I kind of wanted to talk to you about something.” Ali says a bit nervously, looking around the dinner table at her parents and Kyle. She watches Kyle fold his hands on the table and sit up straight, blinking at her with a smile on his face. Both her parents look at her with undivided attention. She takes a deep breath, buying herself a couple seconds to figure out how she wants to start…but before she can even say a word, Ken pipes up.

“I’ll find someone to rent your condo and upkeep things until you decide what you want to do with it.” Ken says casually.

“I’ll talk to Dr. Carter about referring you to a specialist down there and having a good facility option in case you need it.” Deb supplies with a smile.

“I’ll help you pack.” Kyle adds with finality. “Great. Settled. Let’s eat, I’m starved.”

“But…” Ali sits there dumbfounded.

“Honey, you’re going. We love you, we’ll miss you, but we’ll figure it all out. You’re going.” Deb says definitively.

“This doesn’t happen twice, baby girl. You’re lucky if it even happens once. Don’t give it up for anything.” Ken adds thoughtfully.

“Told ya so.” Kyle says smugly.

“I didn’t even talk to her yet. I can’t just show up and say ‘I’m here’.” Ali argues.

“You have to. You both have wonderful, strong personalities and you both want what’s best for the other. You’ll just talk each other in circles and keep talking the other out of it in an effort to be selfless. One of you needs to just make a move. You have nothing tying you here, Alex. It’s time to leave Dumfries and open yourself up to that big world adventure you’ve always talked about.” Deb gets right down to it.

“So I just pack up and go as soon as I can?” Ali questions still stunned.

“Oddly simple, isn’t it?” Ken smiles. “The best things always are.”

“Eat up, princess. We start packing tonight and I can’t stand it when you get all hangry.” Kyle pats her thigh.

  
“Holy shit.” Ali mumbles through a deep breath.

 

“I hope that’s a good holy shit.” Deb says with a quirked eyebrow.

 

“It’s a slight terrified, but incredibly great holy shit.” Ali replies with a nose-crinkling grin.

 

\----------------------

“Fucking great.” Ashlyn says as she eyes the white van parked across from her grandparents’ house. She had called the cops on a similar one just last week and it had ended, just like she suspected, in a drug bust. “Stupid morons.” She grumbles and makes a mental note to call the cops again after she gets through this evening with her grandparents.

She’s broken from her thoughts by the sound of a car door closing nearby and waves when she sees Josh and Liz get out of Liz’s green, beat up Ford Taurus. “Gang’s all here.” She whispers to herself, having asked them to come for moral support tonight.

After her conversation with Josh, the two of them immediately set to work contacting realtors in Virginia Beach to try and find available retail spaces. In just three days, they had come up with two prime locations that looked really promising and it was time to go see them in person. She had kept it all quiet, waiting until something looked like it would have actual potential before telling her grandparents what she was up to. Even though she knows they’re going to be more than supportive and happy for her, she also knows this is a big conversation to have…an emotional one. Once she talks to them tonight, the plan is to call Ali on the pretense of coming for a visit and then surprise the brunette by having her come along to see the retail spaces. It’s all coming together, and it starts right now.

“Ready?” Liz asks a she gives Ashlyn a quick hug. They’ve been best friends since elementary school, seeing each other at their best and worst, and she hasn’t failed to notice that this is some of the best she has ever seen Ashlyn. The woman is determined with an underlying peace that has been rare and elusive for the former basketball star.

“Very ready.” Ashlyn replies. “Come on you two, let’s do this and get to that amazing dinner we all know is waiting in there.”

“Yeah buddy! Let’s go!” Josh rubs her shoulders to pump her up a bit as they walk through the front door.

“Hey Gramp!” Ashlyn says cheerily as she walks into the house and finds him sitting in his usual chair, a bigger than normal smile on his face.

“Hi Sprout! And you brought the gang with you.” Gramp announces loudly and waves to them all eagerly.

“Gram, it smells aaaamazing in here!” Ashlyn calls out, knowing Gram is about to come out the kitchen entrance like always.

“Thanks, Kit.” Gram smiles as she makes her way into the living room. “I had some help today.” She motions behind her and watches with a smirk as Ashlyn’s jaw practically hits the floor.

“Alex!” Ashlyn whispers in complete shock, watching Ali walk out from behind her grandmother. The brunette is wearing tight jeans and a loose black top, her hair is flowing down over her shoulders, her make-up flawless. She’s never seen anything better in her life.

“Hello, love.” Ali beams and practically throws herself into Ashlyn’s arms, hugging her tight for a few seconds before she feels the short-haired woman pull back just enough to look at her. The moment their eyes connect, their lips quickly follow in a fiery kiss that is far too long and heated for an audience, but neither of them remembers that anyone else is in the room until Josh clears his throat.

They slowly pull apart, both flushed and slightly out of breath. Still, Ashlyn can only focus on Ali right now.

“What are you doing here, pretty girl?” Ashlyn asks, not able to stop smiling.

“I missed you.” Ali answers like it’s obvious.

“Missed you too.” Ashlyn replies sweetly. “How long are you here for?” She has a million questions, but this one is the most pressing at the moment.

“Oh...well…” Ali takes a deep breath and musters up all her confidence. “I was kind of hoping forever.”

“You’re adorable.” Ashlyn smiles, not realizing the actual gravity of the statement. “Really, how long?”

Ali lightly strokes Ashlyn cheek and tries again. “One of the first serious things we talked about was dreams. Yours is to honor your brother… open that restaurant in South Beach that you two dreamed up and began blazing a trail for. To find good people to work there and see your vision soar to success. To stay close to your family and return the support that was always given to you. To settle and build your life in a community that you can put your soul into. And I want to be the one that does it with you, Ash.”

“Al…I…” Ashlyn is clinging to every word, trying to put it all together, her heart drumming loudly.

“Not yet.” Ali puts her finger over Ashlyn’s lips, needing to empty the contents of her heart and mind.

“I want to be the one that helps you make that restaurant dream a reality, one that we can be proud of together where I get to know your brother through the heart and soul that you put into it. I want to help you figure out all that dull business stuff that makes you nervous and spend hours taste testing the bizarre food concoctions that you come up with. And maybe even coming up with some of my own to add to the delicious madness. I want to travel the world with you, creating unforgettable moments in places that neither of us has ever seen… but also make you show me all the places you have seen already in the hopes that they’ll feel completely new because I’m there with you. I want to write books on the beach while I watch you surf the waves, panic watching you skateboard, and fall asleep in your arms every night so I can wake up the same way. I want to look at the same moon you are, and not because it’s the same no matter where we are, but because I’m right beside you. I want to be the one right beside you for everything, for all of it, for always.” Ali pauses and takes another deep breath before the last part.

Ashlyn can’t move, she can’t breathe. She can only listen and hope she isn’t dreaming this.

“I know this is fast. I know this is absolutely insane. But having never had any of my days guaranteed, I just couldn’t wait another day to tell you that I want to be with you. I’m here today…I’m here now, give everything.” Ali lets out a slow breath and inhales deeply again. “Outside there is a van that contains every single thing I need to completely move my life to a new place. And I honestly don’t want to drive it back to Virginia. So, I’m asking to stay forever. I just need a yes.” She finishes, her eyes locked on green-swirled hazel that she can’t fully read right now.

“I love you.” Ashlyn blurts out the only thing that she can immediately manage as the emotions wash over her, leaning in for a soft kiss.

“Is that a yes?” Ali asks hopefully, her heart racing now as she begins to sweat a bit.

“Alex…I… what about your family, your home?” Ashlyn questions. “I was making plans to… we can do this in Virginia. What about _your_ dreams?”

 “I knew. I knew somehow that you were planning something. Because you’re selfless and beautifully noble and I love you so much for that.  But Virginia is not my dream. It’s not what I want.” Ali says with determination.

“It’s not?” Ashlyn needs to make sure.

“Listen really carefully…” Ali prepares to put every last ounce of her heart on the line and sees Ashlyn nod. “You were always the one I wanted…even when I didn’t know what it was that I wanted. Even before I knew who you were, I always wanted exactly you. It was you. You were the chapter that I didn’t have the words to write, but always knew existed somewhere. And when I finally found it, put pen to paper and read it, I knew I was home. You’re the one and you always have been. You are my dream, you big dorky marshmallow. Just say yes.”

Ashlyn breaks out into a dimpled-grin, taking a second to memorize everything she can about the single greatest moment in her life so far. The word is on the tip of her tongue, but it’s not her voice that speaks it first.

“Yes!” Gram exclaims in a shout.

“I second that!” Gramps adds enthusiastically.

“Third it!” Liz chuckles and raises her hand.

“Way to go, Jerry Maguire!” Josh claps and nods approvingly at Ali. “That’s a yes from me. You had me at hello!”

“Ash…” Ali ignores everything but the woman looking back at her with more love than she’s ever seen before.

“Everyone always says that they’re waiting for someone to come along and turn their world upside-down.” Ashlyn says the first thing that’s in her heart. “My whole life has been filled with things that have turned my world upside-down. And all I have ever wanted and needed, is the one thing that turns it right-side up. You’re the one thing, Alex…you’re my one. I love you. It is absolutely a yes. Stay forever…yes.” She kisses Ali deeply, every raw emotion poured into it until she’s trembling a bit and her legs feel week.

“Not just because you want to keep tabs on your kidney?” Ali mumbles with a smile as they finally pull away.

“Especially because I want to keep tabs on my kidney.” Ashlyn laughs and pecks her lips again.

“Well now that we’ve settled that, let’s eat!” Gram announces and motions to the dining room.

Ashlyn gets a few claps on the back from Josh and Gramp and a hug from Liz before following everyone into the dining room. She watches in slight shock when she sees Ali help Gram set the table with ease, the brunette seemingly knowing where everything is. “Exactly how long have you been here?” She asks Ali.

“Since late last night.” Ali answers with a smirk as they sit down next to each other at the table and everyone else gets settled too. “I had no idea where you actually lived. Super-star Ashlyn Harris was unlisted, but lucky for me, your grandparents weren’t.”

“Such a fangirl.” Ashlyn teases.

“Says the woman who highlighted passages in my book and carries it around with her. Creeper.” Ali plays back.

“Touché.” Ashlyn laughs.

“Oh this is going to be so much fun.” Josh guffaws at the exchange.

“So much fun.” Liz agrees and high-fives Ali across the table.

“Alright all, let’s say grace.” Gramps breaks it up and everyone holds hands around the table. “Thank you Lord for this meal and the company of family that fills our hearts. Today our family has grown and our hearts are fuller than ever, and for that we are most grateful. Amen.”

Ali feels Ashlyn squeeze her hand and can barely choke out a whispered “Amen” as she tries not cry out of sheer happiness, only to feel Gram nudge her from the other side.

“Welcome home, Bumble.” Gram smiles at her sweetly.

“Second it.” Gramp adds with a laugh.

“Third.” Liz raises her hand again.

“Fourth it.” Josh throws up a shaka symbol.

Ali breaks out into a nose-crinkling grin even as the tear she was fighting rolls down her cheek. She feels Ashlyn wipe it and looks up into the eyes that house her whole world.

“What they said.” Ashlyn smiles and leans in closer to whisper in Ali’s ear. “Except…home is wherever you are. My home has a heartbeat now.” She kisses the brunette sweetly until they’re both hit in the face with a bread roll and Ashlyn stops to glare at Josh. “Sure you don’t want to change your mind?” She jokingly asks Ali who just shakes her head no with a laugh and digs into her mac and cheese.

 “Oh my gosh, so good! I’m never leaving.” Ali declares after she swallows the first bite.

“My back-up plan never fails.” Gram smiles.

“As good as this is, no back-up plan needed.” Ali’s hand finds Ashlyn's thigh under the table and squeezes it.


	13. The Roost

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Time to get really comfy cozy...which also means little smug warning ;-)
> 
> I truly appreciate all of your comments, so keep them coming!

“I thought you said this van was full of all the things you needed to move your life?” Ashlyn asks incredulously, looking into the back of the van to see only about 10 medium-sized boxes, an expensive looking desk chair, and a piece of furniture that she knows is a make-up station from having seen it set up in Ali’s condo.

“It is.” Ali smiles. “Most of that is my clothes and shoes, and then some books, pictures, and trinkets and stuff. I really don’t need anything else besides my laptop, the desk chair I love to write in, and a place to get my mascara on perfectly.” She shrugs.

“Al, really… you can have more stuff shipped down here. There’s plenty of space for things and I want you to feel at home. We can change out some furniture, anything you want. Truly.” Ashlyn offers sincerely.

“Relax, marshmallow…this is exactly how I want it.” Ali kisses her cheek. “But thank you.”

“Yeah marshmallow… be happy for us that we only have like 10 boxes to carry in and one piece of furniture to assemble tonight.” Josh snickers and points between him and Liz.

“You knew what you were getting into when you threw that bread roll.” Ashlyn points a finger at him. “Now get to work, minions! Also, call me marshmallow again and I’ll nail your ass to the ground.”

“Oh please, try it.” Josh scoffs at her. “You’re already lucky that I’m holding back on all the lesbian U-Haul jokes right now.”

“If she doesn’t pummel you first, I will.” Ali warns him playfully with narrowed eyes. “I own the rights to that nickname and I’m pretty possessive.”

“Now that I believe.” Josh shakes his head and goes to grab a box. Truth be told, he’s happy that dinner was on the early side so there is plenty of time this evening to get Ali settled into Ashlyn’s place. He knows how much the two of them need time alone that doesn’t involve unpacking.

“I don’t remember throwing a bread roll.” Liz mock complains as she chooses a box.

“You laughed.” Ashlyn replies.

“Dictator.” Liz sticks her tongue out.

“You love me.” Ashlyn smirks.

“I do. It’s that damn dimple.” Liz plays back and bats her eyelashes while pretending to swoon.

“I know, right?!” Ali joins in. “Hooked me in the first time I saw it.”

“You and every lady-lovin’-lady on the planet…including our high school algebra teacher who totally hit on Ashlyn at our 10 year reunion and tried to buy her a drink.” Liz giggles.

“Oh god, do we have to? That was...ugh.” Ashlyn cringes at the thought.

“That bad?” Ali inquires.

“She’s 62.” Ashlyn replies.

“Ew.” Ali commiserates and Liz nods her head emphatically. “Although, I did have you convinced that I was 60 for a minute.”

“I was drugged, Hello Kidney. It doesn’t count.” Ashlyn protests.

“Whatever you say, Kidney Express.” Ali winks at her.

“Marshmallow, Hello Kidney, Kidney Express? We’re gonna need a girls night soon so you two can catch me up.” Liz smiles at them.

“Count on it.” Ali smirks.

“I love her already.” Liz says happily as she picks up a box and heads into the house.

“What did I get myself into?” Ashlyn groans quietly.

“What was that?” Ali asks teasingly.

“I said… let me show you our home.” Ashlyn replies with an innocent smile. “Well, that is until we figure everything out and create a new one together.”

“Love you…love this.” Ali hugs Ashlyn tight and places a few kisses on her jaw before going in for a deep and more heated kiss while no one is around.

“I love you too, baby. So, so much. I really missed you and still can’t believe you’re here with me. Best surprise ever.” Ashlyn mumbles against the brunette’s lips before kissing her hard again.

“Mmmm.” Ali finally breaks away with still hooded eyes before she can’t stop herself and they end up giving Josh or Liz an eyeful. “I’m just glad that you’re as happy as I am that I’m here. Would’ve been a real buzzkill if you weren’t! Now show me the inside of our already amazing beach house.”

“Yes, my queen…whatever you want is yours.” Ashlyn bows charmingly.

“Ooooh, I might like that even better than baby.” Ali flirts back. “And I’m holding you to that last part.” She gives Ashlyn a devilish stare and watches her mouth drop open a bit. “Now stop drooling and come on.” Ali entwines their hands and pulls Ashlyn with her.

\--------------

“Oh… fuuuck…right…there…unnnhh…” Ashlyn gets out raggedly, one hand clenching a fistful of sheets and the other buried in Ali’s hair as the brunette thrusts into her steadily. The hot mouth that was just dragging over the inked hipbone too fresh to touch the last time they were in this position now moves to lightly suck on her clit and it’s over. “Alex…Alex… yeeesss!” Her body clenches tight, hips leaving the bed and bucking involuntarily as waves of pleasure roll through her body.

Ali smirks as she trails kisses around Ashlyn’s navel for a few seconds before going back down to devour every last drop of musky sweetness she earned. She softly licks along Ashlyn’s folds and occasionally dips the tip of her tongue inside her warm wet center, thoroughly enjoying every little whimper and quiver from her girl as she comes down and catches her breath. She only stops when she hears “kiss me” a few minutes later and trails her lips back up the short-haired woman’s torso, sucking lightly on her pulse point before finally complying with a deep kiss.

“Jesus…Alex…” Ashlyn kisses the brunette again, tasting herself on Ali’s lips and then holding her close against her chest. “You’re incredible.” She adds still breathing heavily. “Your arm okay?” She asks in concern, looking down to eye the still healing surgery scars after having completely lost track of everything the second she felt Ali’s fingers deep inside her.

“Perfectly fine, love.” Ali smiles at the feel of Ashlyn’s still wild heartbeat against her face. “I used my other hand.”

“That was lefty?!” Ashlyn asks with wide eyes. “Dear lord woman, what did I do to deserve you?”

“I’d say it was giving me a kidney, but this time it was all about the fact that you gave me the whole master bedroom closet and my own dresser on top of that.” Ali leans up to kiss her slowly.

“Wasn’t a big deal. I really didn’t have much in there, I told you that.” Ashlyn shrugs. She’s only had this house for just under a year and had ended up liking one of the guest bedroom closets best because of the shoe rack in there, primarily using that one. So, she had just simply moved the small amount of clothes she had in the master bedroom closet to the other one and told Ali it was all hers. “But, if that’s the reason….then I’ll give you every damn closet in the house.” Ashlyn waggles her eyebrows.

“I don’t care if you had nothing in that closet, you’re still the sweetest and I love you. I’ve only been here for a few hours and I already feel completely at home. Thank you.” Ali trails more kisses along Ashlyn’s neck, unable to get enough of her soft skin.

Liz, Josh, and Ashlyn hadn’t stopped until the make-up station was assembled near the sunniest spot in the master bedroom and all of Ali’s clothes was put away and organized in the closet. Just two boxes of books and miscellaneous items were left in the office where Ashlyn immediately swapped the existing desk chair with Ali’s. By midnight, the task was done and the two women were making out on the granite countertop of the kitchen island that Ali had just been admiring a couple hours earlier. It wasn’t long before Ashlyn had managed to lead them to the bedroom in a stumbling haze and given her girl two powerful orgasms to break-in the new day with Ali returning the favor as soon as she recovered.

“You’re welcome, beautiful. I just want you to feel comfortable here.” Ashlyn says genuinely as her hand lightly strokes up and down Ali’s back.

“Doesn’t get any more comfortable than this.” Ali lays her head back down against Ashlyn’s chest and entwines their legs.

“Truth.” Ashlyn kisses the top of Ali’s head. “Al…”

“Hmmm?” Ali answers in a content little hum.

“I just…I want you to know that you can change your mind any time. Just tell me and we’ll change all of it. I’ll move to Virginia in a heartbeat. I just want you to be happy, baby.” Ashlyn voices one more time to be clear.

“Hey…” Ali picks her head up and presses her forehead to Ashlyn’s. “I’m not going to change my mind. This is exactly what I want, ok?”

“Ok, but promise me anyway. Promise you’ll tell me if that changes.” Ashlyn insists.

“I promise.” Ali reassures her and seals the promise with a kiss. “And you’ll do the same and tell me if you want to change anything. But, I’m happy, Ash. So happy…right here, with you.”

“You probably won’t be when I wake you up at the crack ass of dawn in a few hours to catch the sunrise over the beach from the back deck, but it’s the best part of this house.” Ashlyn laughs lightly.

“As long as it’s cuddled up under a blanket with you, I can’t wait.” Ali looks over at the bedside clock that reads 2:06am, they’ve been at it for almost two hours already.

“Blanket and coffee are guarantees.” Ashlyn assures her.

“You’re wonderful and I love you.” Ali gives her one more long kiss and settles back down on her chest.

“I love you too, Alex. Get some sleep, pretty girl.” Ashlyn snuggles them together impossibly closer.

“Mmmm, ok. But only because I can’t wait to wake up to you.” Ali replies back with a little yawn, feeling so peaceful and protected in Ashlyn’s arms. “Every single day.”

“Every single day.” Ashlyn repeats in a whisper and keeps her hand moving lightly along Ali’s back and shoulders.

“Feels so good.” Ali mumbles, feeling herself slip into sleep.

“Sweet dreams, baby.” Ashlyn kisses the top of Ali’s head and listens to the brunette’s breathing even out, turning into a barely audible little snore a few minutes later. She feels the warmth of Ali’s hand pressed against her brother’s name under her left breast and picks her head up slightly to look in the direction of the framed picture of her and Chris that sits on the dresser even though she can’t really see it right now. “If I ever do anything that even comes remotely close to blowing this...you better get your ass here from wherever you are and relentlessly haunt me like poltergeist level until I fix it and get it right.” She whispers into the darkness. “So fucking lucky.” She adds to remind herself.

It’s only a few seconds before a flash of lightning briefly lights up the room with a loud thunder clap following shortly after. She doesn’t believe in signs, but the timing sure feels like one. “You would.” Ashlyn chuckles to herself quietly and kisses Ali’s forehead a few times. “Thanks, bro.”

\-----------------

“Are you cold?” Ali asks as she and Ashlyn lay cuddled up under a blanket on the deck on the over-sized chaise while listening to the waves crashing in the distance. It’s chillier than normal for an October Friday night in central Florida and even though they’re bundled up in comfy sweats, Ashlyn is trembling a little bit.

“No, I’m comfortable.” Ashlyn replies back.

“Exhausted then?” Ali questions knowingly. It didn’t take her all that long to notice that Ashlyn trembles slightly when she’s cold, really tired, or about to orgasm. Seeing as it’s definitely not the latter right now, she’s trying to figure out which of the other two it is.

“Yeah, I’m pretty beat.” Ashlyn admits. “But, I don’t want to move an inch right now…you’re so warm and comfortable.” She holds her a little closer, relishing in the feel of the brunette’s weight on her chest and the way Ali’s arm is draped low over her hips.

“It was quite a week.” Ali smiles and tilts her head up to kiss Ashlyn’s chin.

“An amazing week.” Ashlyn agrees and angles her head to sweetly place little kisses all over Ali’s face. Ali has only been in Florida for 6 days and so much has fallen into place that it seems like all the good karma in the universe is on their side.

With a solid plan in mind, Josh found out that the restaurant space in South Beach that he and Ashlyn had previously thought would be a good option was somehow still up for grabs and the price had dropped considerably over the last month. After speaking to the real estate agent and expressing serious interest, the guy had agreed not to go into any official sale contracts with anyone else until they could come to see the place on Monday and make an offer of their own.

The kidney and vascular surgery specialists that Dr. Carter recommended had both gotten Ali in for appointments right away despite being very busy and cleared her to go back to normal activity, pleased with her progress and healing. Ali’s recent writer’s block had also suddenly lifted and she figured out what direction she wanted the rest of her book to go in, making steady progress on it over the last couple of days. Above all else, they’ve had a full week of doing simple domestic things together, learning each other’s little nuances, and appreciating every minute of the novelty of it.

“That’s an understatement.” Ali giggles as Ashlyn keeps kissing her face. “But, no one said we had to move inside. Close your eyes and rest, love.”

“Really? You want to stay out here with me?” Ashlyn asks a bit surprised.

“Of course I do! Why wouldn’t I want to fall asleep cuddled up to my hot girlfriend while we romantically listen to the ocean in the dark?” Ali asks rhetorically. “Who the fuck have you been dating, marshmallow?”

“Dumb bitches?” Ashlyn replies with a shrug, pulling Ali a bit more on top of her and feeling so tranquil and truly wanted in this moment.

“Completely dumb bitches. Fuckin’ morons really.” Ali agrees adamantly and reaches up to hold Ashlyn’s face and gently pull it to hers. “Whatever it is that you love to do… that’s exactly where I’ll be, Ash. I love you.”

“You can’t possibility exist, and yet, here you are. I love you too, baby. God do I love you.” Ashlyn kisses her slow and soft before letting the emotions take over and deepening it, letting out a low moan when the brunette’s tongue meets her own.

“Mmmm, hey…” Ali slows the kiss down when she feels the slight shivering against her hand as it slides under Ashlyn’s shirt and rests on her stomach. Although the tremble could now easily mean something other than exhausted given their current activity, she keeps the original cause in mind. “As much as I want to continue this, you need to get some rest. I know you’re wiped out.” She reminds her.

“Yeah, ok.” Ashlyn immediately concedes knowing that neither of them has much energy left tonight. “You’re beautiful, Alex.” She says with wonderment as her eyes take in Ali’s features under the soft glow of the moon.

“And you are so damn charming…and gorgeous…and absolutely stalling. Close your eyes, Ash.” Ali kisses her one more time, this one loving and tender, before settling back on her chest. “Goodnight, love.”

“Sweet dreams, baby.” Ashlyn replies in a low murmur.

 

“Hmmmpph…Aleeex, why?” Ashlyn whines as she’s pulled from sleep by Ali’s insistent voice in her ear, the brunette’s hands on her cheeks.

“I know you’re sleepy…but it can’t wait…open those gorgeous eyes for me.” Ali pleads in Ashlyn’s ear and rubs her cheeks lightly again, seeing slightly glazed hazel finally meet her own eyes. “There you are.” She smiles widely.

“What’s wrong?” Ashlyn asks groggily and confused, her eyes searching Ali’s face that is hovering above her own. It’s still night time, but it’s brighter because the outside deck light is on now for some reason. It can’t have been more than an hour or two since they fell asleep outside she reasons in her head as she tries to figure out what is going on.

“Absolutely nothing is wrong, love.” Ali sits up a bit and looks down at her watch. “Just perfect timing is all…it’s 12:01am.” She reaches over to the little table beside the chaise and grabs something, slowly holding it in front of Ashlyn. “Happy birthday to the amazing, wonderful, beautiful, and perfect woman who stole my heart and then some.”

Ashlyn blinks a few times, her mind slightly delayed in realizing what’s in front of her. It’s a cake. A simple white-frosted birthday cake, but that isn’t want makes her heart start racing. It’s the candles on it that make her feel like everything is in slow motion. And not because she fears them, not because they can be lit, but because they very clearly and absolutely won’t be lit.

The candles are all navy blue and there are a lot of them, so Ashlyn can guess there must be 31…maybe 32 if there is one for luck, but none of that is important. It’s that every single one of them has a tiny tuft of bright orange tissue paper glued to the top of its wick and made to resemble a flame…that is what makes her world spin right now. The care and effort taken to do this…the meaning behind it…the way Ali so carefully takes care of her heart and loves her broken pieces, it renders her speechless.

“I…Alex…you glued…” Ashlyn tries, but the words fail her.

“Shhhh.” Ali gently kisses her to bring some calm. “Just make a wish and blow them out.” She instructs with a loving smile.

Ashlyn just nods and pretends to blow out the candles, immediately surprised by the thin cloud of shimmery dust that floats into the air and looks kind of like sparkly smoke. “What was…” She starts to ask, but Ali answers before she can finish.

“Extra fine body glitter. The smoke of unicorns.” Ali giggles. “I put it on the tissue paper.”

“Do I even want to know why you have extra fine body glitter?” Ashlyn asks, able to find some humorous words at least.

“Probably not.” Ali deadpans and sees Ashlyn’s eyebrows shoot up. “I’m kidding. My good friend’s bachelorette party was last year and I wanted to make sure she looked the part. The leftover has been sitting in my make-up stash ever since and I figured I’d go all out and put a little extra magic in this cake tonight.”

Ashlyn swallows hard, trying not to tear up over how much thought went into this cake. “It’s definitely magic.” She manages to get out in a choked whisper.

“You have no idea. I tried a sample at the bakery… this is sooo worth waking up for and you’re totally not going back to sleep without eating a slice, birthday girl.” Ali leans over to try to reach the knife and little plate she placed on the table before waking Ashlyn up, but she feels soft hands frame her face and pull her closer.

“You are thoughtful…and kind… and brilliant…and fascinating…and genuine…and truly beautiful in every way. And you’re here with me…and it’s not a dream…and I get to love you, and…” Ashlyn lets out a deep contented breath. “And I can kiss you…you’re real, you’re here with me…I can…” She pulls Ali in and kisses her passionately, a couple tears finally spilling out at the intense emotions, at the wonderful frenzy that Ali sets off inside her. She only pulls back slightly when they are both breathless, resting her forehead against Ali’s and looking into her eyes. “I hope you know what this means to me, what you mean to me. I love you. I just love you more than anything, ever.”

“Happy Birthday, Ashlyn.” Ali whispers and pecks her lips softly a couple times. “And I do know. I know because everything you just said about me is exactly how I feel about you. I love you so damn much and I’ll do anything to show you just how much.” She wipes a tear that’s still sitting on Ashlyn’s cheek. “Now stop being such a marshmallow and let’s eat some cake and get this amazing day of your birth started off right. Urine for some major deliciousness!”

“Way to kill a moment, Hello Kidney.” Ashlyn rolls her eyes.

“It had to be done. I forgot the forks anyway.” Ali winks and kisses Ashlyn’s cheek before getting up. “Be right back!”

“Wow…” Ashlyn whispers as she looks up at the sky and studies the moon, everything feeling warm and settled inside. She sighs in slight disappointment at suddenly knowing exactly what she wants to do today, but realizing that Ali, her grandparents, and friends will never give her enough time alone on her birthday to let her accomplish it. But tomorrow for sure, definitely tomorrow.

And that’s exactly what Ashlyn does on the day after her 31st birthday. She sneaks away as soon as breakfast is done and goes to buy the most beautiful diamond ring she can find. Deep down she had already known, but the candles had sealed it and she wants to be ready for the moment at any time.  Everything is so new still, and it won’t be tomorrow, or this week, and likely not this month … maybe this year, maybe not… who knows when… but she does know that she will absolutely ask Ali to marry her. Alex Krieger is her person, her match, her forever, the place she will always hang her hat and come home to roost in.

\---------------------

“Well, that was an expensive 8 days.” Ashlyn laughs as she, Ali, and Josh walk out of the lawyer’s office where the two women just closed on their new home.

“You should know that this is the level I expect from now on.” Ali jokes as she pretends to buff her fingernails.

“You’ll be broke by tomorrow with her.” Josh chuckles and nudges Ashlyn. “You two couldn’t have done any better. I’m so psyched for this!”

“Me too! It’s complete madness, but it’s awesome madness.” Ali agrees. “You really think we can get it all up and running by shortly after the new year?” She asks Ashlyn.

“I think so. I mean, the restaurant doesn’t need any work outside of making it our style. Assuming we can get through all the licensing without much fuss and can hire a good staff to get going with…I don’t see why not.” Ashlyn replies as she thinks it over for what has to be the hundredth time in the last few days.

The restaurant space had been exactly what Ashlyn had been hoping for. It sat right on the main boardwalk along South Beach, perfect for attracting lunch-time beachgoers, but also making it nice enough to attract the upscale dinner crowd looking for a meal near the shore. The place had been recently renovated and featured both an indoor and outdoor bar, plenty of dining space, a couple of rooms that could be used for private dinner events, and a spacious outdoor patio that went right to the edge of the boardwalk. The décor style was a bit too funky and weird for what she had in mind, but that was simple enough to fix when you didn’t have to think about replacing appliances and structural elements.

The downside of the space was the odd townhouse-style condo attached to it. The prior owner had been living there for the fifteen years he had owned the place. His mother had recently fallen ill and he was looking to make a quick sale. The problem was that not many buyers wanted to deal with having to license a property that was both commercial and residential. Not to mention that while the outside of the condo looked as great as the restaurant, the inside was very outdated and in need of a lot of work.  Ashlyn wasn’t quite sure what to do with unusual condo aspect yet, thinking maybe it could be a living area for a future employee, but it certainly didn’t deter her given the location and the price.  The asking price had been $900,000. It was much lower than any other comparable place for sale, and she and Ali had still managed to negotiate it down to $869,000 with Josh’s help.

Knowing that this was their new reality and that moving to Miami as soon as possible was a must, the trio had opted to stay in the area and immediately house hunt. Having some experience in real estate, Josh had guided a discussion over dinner their first night in Miami which revealed that Ashlyn and Ali were exactly on the same page in terms of what they wanted… a home similar to the one Ashlyn was living in now. Roughly 3 bedrooms with an additional office space, an open layout, as close to the water as possible, a nice outdoor deck or patio, and as much privacy as possible.

With that in mind, their search had only uncovered two possibilities and one was in an area a bit too crowded for their liking. The winner had meant going a little bigger than they envisioned, a 6 bedroom, 4 bathroom home on Biscayne Island that was very private and had caused their eyes to bug out over how beautiful it was…and also over the price.

_“Soooo… $2.2 million… it’s steep. What do you think…I mean, is it home?” Ashlyn questions as soon Josh and the real estate agent give the two women some time alone on the balcony-style deck that overlooks the ocean and the backyard of the house. She and Ali had discussed their financial status, knowing they could easily afford an up to a $5 million home on top of the restaurant costs if they pooled their assets. Of course, neither of them wanted to spend near that much and had hoped to stay around $1 million._

_Ali just smiles and gets close, pressing her front to Ashlyn’s and gently holding her biceps. “Do you like it?” She asks simply._

_“Well yeah, look at this place.” Ashlyn replies like it’s obvious. “But I don’t care if I like it. I just want it to be everything you want, Al. This is going to be our first home and it’s a lot more than we talked about spending…and it’s already a bit insane that we’re jumping into moving in together, forget buying a multi-million dollar home. I mean…I don’t mean that I’m not ecstatic over doing this with you. Like I’m not saying all this because I’m hesitant at all…ugh…what is my point?” She rambles trying to get her thoughts out. “It’s just…I love you and the truth is that I’m going to be happy wherever we are. It doesn’t have to be this beautiful but crazy expensive house. I’m happy with you, here or not. And we can…” She keeps going but Ali puts a finger to her lips._

_“Shhhh, marshmallow.” Ali smirks at her and locks onto her eyes. “I think we can agree that any home will be perfect as long as we’re in it together. But, we’ve worked our asses off to be able to do something this big. You love it… I love it…I love you…and…” She leans in and kisses Ashlyn hard, so passionately that it makes the short-haired woman stumble back a couple feet, only pull away when she feels the low purring moan leave Ashlyn’s throat. “Already feels like home to me.” She adds with a wink._

_“Yeah?” Ashlyn gets out in a squeaky voice, still trying to recover from the heated kiss._

_“Yep.” Ali grins and moves to kiss behind Ashlyn’s ear, before nipping it. “And it’s going to feel even more like home when I do unspeakable things to you…right over…there.” She husks with a positively devilish smile and points to the corner of the deck that looks perfect for an outdoor couch._

_“Jesus fucking Christ…” Ashlyn mutters in a fluster before composing herself and smirking back at Ali. “Sold!” She yells loud enough for the real estate agent to hear from inside the house before leaning into Ali’s ear as the brunette laughs. “Just wait until you see what I have planned for you and that bay window seat in the office.” She gently sucks the top of Ali’s ear into her mouth and then kisses her cheek innocently, before heading inside and leaving the brunette with a slightly open mouth on the deck._

Even though everything was moving fast, they knew what they were getting into together in terms of the house, having spent plenty of time going over options and plans ahead of looking at places. When it came to the restaurant, however, Ali had managed to practically knock Ashlyn on her ass in shock when she revealed that she was going in on it 50/50 with her.

_“Hold on… you just said… we…for both…” Ashlyn eyes the brunette with cautious surprise as they sit in mortgage office waiting for the mortgage officer to come in to go over the financing options since the initial thinking is to finance the restaurant and buy the house outright. Ashlyn has still been debating whether it is financially smart or not to also buy the restaurant outright._

_“Yeah…let me repeat. I like going this route because we can pay the restaurant mortgage and operating costs from the profits while knowing our house is already ours and not something to worry about. We’ll know what our true financial limits are for the restaurant because we’re already down the cost of the house and not relying on that money for the restaurant. Plus, it’s always smart financially to be successfully paying a mortgage for credit history purposes.” Ali reasons again, emphasizing the word ‘we’ to get her intentions across._

_“Ok, let me say right off the bat that I completely want you involved in everything I do…especially this. So, this is not coming from a place of hesitation on that.” Ashlyn forewarns as she pulls together her thoughts. “But Alex, I don’t expect you to get into this financially with me. You don’t have to… I mean, this is my crazy idea that I’m taking a huge chance on. We’re already buying an expensive house together, I don’t expect you to jump in on this business venture with me. You know I’m not expecting you to…” She tries to find the right words._

_“I know, Ash. I honestly do and I truthfully don’t feel pressured at all.” Ali clarifies before Ashlyn can say more. “I want to do this with you. I feel so invested in it with you. I want it to be ours, to be us…” She trails off, just now realizing how selfish that sounds. “Ugh, I’m so sorry. I shouldn’t have assumed that…I didn’t mean to intrude on something that is really personal with your brother. I’m sorry, baby. I just didn’t think about it like that. I don’t have to…”_

_“No, no, no.” Ashlyn interrupts her. “That’s not at all what I’m saying. I want nothing more than for this to be us together. I want to do absolutely everything with you, Al. That’s not it. It’s just… we’ve known each other for like two months and we’re already doing huge things like buying that house together. That’s a big enough move for each of us as it is. I don’t want you to go in on the restaurant financially too and have to take such a huge gamble like that.”_

_“Is that all?” Ali probes to make sure it’s just a money thing._

_“Yeah. I mean, it’s so risky. I have complete faith in the two of us, but this restaurant is just…how do you know I can…what if I completely fail and I fail you?” Ashlyn asks quietly, her insecurities about it all coming to the surface for the first time out loud._

_“You haven’t failed me yet, Ashlyn Harris.” Ali takes Ashlyn’s hand and puts it on her lower stomach area where the surgery scar lies under her shirt. “I believe in you endlessly and I always will. But even if you failed in every damn thing you do, you could never ever fail me. Got it? Good. Great. I’m all in. We do this together.” Ali says resolutely._

_“You really want to put all your eggs in one basket like this?” Ashlyn presses._

_“What can I say? It’s a really attractive basket.” Ali smiles._

_“I’m serious.” Ashlyn implores her. “You’re sure? I’m not going to be the least bit upset if you don’t do this and you’ll still be just as involved with all of it.”_

_“Ash…” Ali shoots her a look._

_“Yeah?” Ashlyn replies still looking hesitant._

_“I love you. I believe in you. I’m in this with you completely. Now, shut the fuck up. Kiss me. Say yes. And let’s get it done.” Ali lays down the law._

_Ashlyn smiles and pretends to zip her lip before leaning in to kiss the brunette softly. “Yes. I love you too…you financially reckless nerd.”_

_“Yeah but I’m your financially reckless nerd, you business novice dork.” Ali plays back, capturing Ashlyn’s bottom lip between her own._

_“You sure the hell are.” Ashlyn smiles into the brunette’s lips. “What a team, we’re doomed.” She jokes._

_“Lucky for you, I also happen to be a best-selling author… she’s kind of a big deal.” Ali teasingly puffs out her chest._

_“Big deal, smart, funny, beautiful, wonderful in every way…should I keep going?” Ashlyn says charmingly._

_“I’m already onboard, marshmallow. No need to sweet talk me.” Ali plays back._

_“Who said anything about sweet talking? Just stating facts.” Ashlyn pours it on before getting serious again. “Can’t wait to do this with you.”_

_“Me either, love.” Ali smiles at her and pecks her lips one more time. “Now, grab me a handful of those bank lollipops before that fool comes back in here.” She demands and Ashlyn complies with a confused look on her face as Ali stuffs them in her purse. “What? Business 101, baby… you always take free shit.”_

_“Let the games begin!” Ashlyn shakes her head with a loud laugh._

_\-----------------_

“Hey, beautiful.” Ashlyn walks into the office to find Ali on the couch typing away on her laptop. They’ve been back from Miami for a few days now and Ali has been working steadily on her book, trying to finish so she can be freed up to help with the restaurant and the moving process. “Sorry, I can come back.”

“Nope. One sec.” Ali holds up a finger and finishes typing one more sentence before looking up at Ashlyn and motioning for her to come over. “Hi, sexy.” She pulls her down by the shirt for a long kiss.

“Mmmm, that was nice.” Ashlyn says with still hooded eyes. “Didn’t mean to interrupt your writing. It can wait.”

“It’s ok, I’m calling it quits for today anyway. What’s up?” Ali inquires and watches Ashlyn settle down next to her on the couch.

“So, no pressure, but I really need your help.” Ashlyn says mysteriously.

“Ok…” Ali looks at her expectantly.

“As much as I can totally leave the restaurant name blank for now on the licensing forms and then go back to have it adjusted and re-filed later…it’s a total pain in the ass to do that. So, I really want to just fill it all in now, but… I got nothing.” Ashlyn admits.

“Wait, really?” Ali asks a bit surprised. “You don’t know what you want to name it?”

“No…I mean, not really. I don’t know.” Ashlyn replies noncommittally.

“So, you and Chris never came up with ideas?” Ali probes a bit.

“We sort of did. His best one was Harris’ Hotbox and mine was The Full Moon. That’s as far as we got.” Ashlyn looks at Ali with a half hopeful smile that maybe one of those is a good idea, even though she’s pretty sure they’re not.

“Oh um…” Ali tries to find a gentle way to say it.

“We weren’t tied to those and it wasn’t a serious conversation. You don’t have to be nice. I won’t be offended.” Ashlyn assures her.

“Ok, well…I mean this in the sweetest way possible.” Ali qualifies. “Harris’ Hotbox sounds like a strip club. And if you go with The Full Moon, you’ll have people dropping their pants in front of the sign everyday to try and get a viral social media photo…like it could actually become a thing.” Ali puts it bluntly with as much kindness as she can.

“And this is exactly why I came in here.” Ashlyn puts her head in her hands. “Help? Please?”

“Ok, I can try.” Ali replies tentatively. “Not sure I can do much better despite my critique.”

“You’re a best-selling author, a word genius. Of course you can.” Ashlyn says confidently. “Will you try?”

“Anything for you, love. But no guarantees I come up with something good. And you have to be honest and only use it if you like it.” Ali warns.

“Deal. It’s bound to be better that Harris’ Hotbox.” Ashlyn laughs.

“Now that I can promise.” Ali chortles. “When do you need to decide?”

“By Thursday.” Ashlyn answers.

“Yikes, three days. No pressure.” Ali jokes. “Ok, I need some parameters. Like do you want your last name in it? Or any part of Chris’ name or initials? Or some kind of theme?”

“No requirements at all. I just want it to be kind of unique and not more than a couple of words… something simple. Meaningful if possible, but not a must. I’m really open.” Ashlyn muses out loud.

“Way to narrow it down, baby. Thanks for the help.” Ali says sarcastically with a smile.

“You’re welcome!” Ashlyn cheeses back. “I never claimed to be good at this… hence the Hail Mary pass off to you, my queen.” She chuckles.

“I’m on it.” Ali promises. “How about a home cooked meal from my favorite chef for my troubles?”

“Now that is my jam right there! Coming right up.” Ashlyn cups the brunette’s cheek. “Thanks, baby, you’re the best.” She kisses her soundly and heads off to make dinner.

\------------------------

“Ok, so I think I came up with something.” Ali says trying to hold in her excitement after pulling Ashlyn away from power-washing the deck and making her sit on the couch.

“Came up with something?” Ashlyn questions with a furrowed brow, having seen Ali rush out of the house like a flash just a few hours ago with little explanation other than she needed to go to the mall.

“Yeah, I think maybe I have a name for the restaurant. I mean, I think.” Ali replies. It had hit her last night, just one day after Ashlyn had asked her for help.

“Really?! You do?” Ashlyn sits up straight, excitedly. “What is it?”

“Ok just… you don’t have to use it. I won’t be upset at all, so don’t hold back.” Ali says nervously, deep down feeling proud of the idea and even tied to it, but trying hard not to sway Ashlyn in any way.

“Alex, just tell me already.” Ashlyn pleads.

“Just promise me you’ll be honest about it.” Ali pushes.

“I promise. Just tell me, please. What is it?” Ashlyn begs, seeing right through Ali’s hesitance and sensing the underlying enthusiasm the brunette is exuding without even realizing. She just knows it’s going to be good.

“Ok…how about…” Ali takes a deep breath. “Kaboodle.” She puts it out there hopefully.

“Kaboodle.” Ashlyn repeats, her heart rate picking up as the name rolls off her tongue.

“Yeah.” Ali confirms, trying to read the respectful sounding tone of Ashlyn’s voice and the serious but sort of emotional look on her face. Her stomach churns nervously, unable to read her girl as easily as she normally does. “Do you like it?” She asks anxiously, but Ashlyn only seems to be staring off into space.

“I don’t know…I thought maybe…well, here…” Ali decides to just put the gift bag in Ashlyn’s hands after a solid minute of silence. “Open it.” She adds the final piece of the puzzle and hopes for the best, not sure what to make of this right now.

Ashlyn just gives a slight nod and opens the bag, pulling out a white apron. She turns it over in her hands, her eyes finding the name embroidered on the front right corner in black lettering: _Chef Kit._

Kit and Kaboodle. Ashlyn doesn’t say a word and just gently places the apron down on the coffee table before taking her t-shirt off, scooting closer to Ali and pressing their foreheads together.

“Ash…say something…” Ali searches Ashlyn’s eyes in confusion, completely unsure of what is happening.

“No.” Ashlyn whispers.

“Why not?” Ali asks softly, the anxious feeling in her gut building even more.

“Because… when you love something this much, love someone this deeply... you show them.” Ashlyn says simply, capturing the brunette’s lips in a fiery kiss that makes Ali whimper in surprise. Ashlyn shifts their position a bit so they’re laying down on the couch and hovers over the brunette, using one hand to pin both of Ali’s above her head. “I love you, Alex Krieger.”

Those are the last words Ali hears before Ashlyn literally consumes her...every touch is soft and gentle, but possessive and powerful. Time stands still as her body gets taken over the edge time and time again, quivering and pulsating in pleasure until she can’t breathe or form a coherent thought.

“Love you, Ash…love you…” Ali whispers breathlessly in repetition almost an hour later as strong arms hold her tightly against heated skin, skilled hands stroke her back soothingly, and soft lips trail over her neck, cheeks, and lips. Never in her life has she felt so much a part of something, so much a part of someone…loved, wanted, needed, indispensable, and essential. They’ve joked about sharing a kidney, but this is so far beyond that now. They are literally and figuratively completely entangled to the point that Ali can’t no longer decipher which parts of her are her own anymore. And in this moment, she hopes with all her heart that she is never able to disentangle them…that she will forever feel this indescribable sense of freedom in being ensnared in another.

“Kaboodle.” Ashlyn whispers and pulls back just enough to look into Ali’s eyes. “It’s perfect. You’re perfect. You’re…” She kisses Ali slowly as she tries to think of the right words, finally pulling her lips away slightly when she does. “Truly the single greatest thing I have ever touched, held, kissed, heard, seen, felt, and loved. You are my heart and soul, Alex. I love you beyond measure.”

“Ashlyn…” Ali’s heart feels like it’s going to beat right out of her chest, a frenzy of electric energy pumping through her still sensitive and spent body. “I might pass out…but… show me again. Don’t let me go. Please.”

“I will never let you go, beautiful. Ever.” Ashlyn smiles at her lovingly. “Even if you never stop making terrible urine puns and kidney jokes.”

“You’re going to regret that, marshmallow.” Ali giggles, relaxing into the moment, feeling some of the desperate energy inside transforming into a sense of security now at Ashlyn’s confident words.

“Never.” Ashlyn promises with a dimpled grin.

“So…” Ali smirks, definitely ready to go again.

“Sooo?” Ashlyn quirks her eyebrow.

“I’m waiting.” Ali bites her lip in insinuation.

“Waiting for?” Ashlyn questions, having already forgotten the passionate request made before the lighter banter that followed.

“I guess I have to do everything around here.” Ali huffs playfully, suddenly flipping them over and stunning Ashlyn by pinning her to the couch before kissing her deeply and mumbling “my turn” into her mouth.


	14. The Taters and Tots

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Do you think this story can get just a bit fluffier? Let's see...
> 
> Thanks for reading and keep those comments coming as we near the end of this one :-)

“Alright Ms. Krieger, what is your deal?” Ashlyn plops herself down in a stool at the kitchen island, refusing to leave until she gets a straight answer. They’ve been living in their new Miami house for a month now and even though Ashlyn asks most days, Ali always seems to have a reason not to join her for a run on the beach.

“What do you mean?” Ali questions as she rinses out their coffee mugs.

“Just about every day I ask you if you want to join me on a run, and every single time you have a reason not to. First it was that we still had things to unpack, then you had to get some edits done on your book, then it was too hot outside, then it was because you already showered, then it was Thanksgiving but that was understandable with us having our families here…but then you said were still in post-Thanksgiving recovery mode, and now you’re telling me that you can’t because you haven’t read the newspaper yet? Seriously?” Ashlyn raises her eyebrows. “What gives? I’d say you don’t like running or don’t feel up to it, but you manage to run every day at a different time than whenever I do. So, I ask again…what is your deal?”

“Nothing, I just saw an article I wanted to check out this morning and uh…” Ali tries to cover even though it’s clear that Ashlyn isn’t buying it.

“Which you have all day to read. And we’re all unpacked, you haven’t showered yet, it’s a perfect 70 degrees outside right now, your book edits are done for the moment, and it’s not a holiday. Anything I missed?” Ashlyn refuses to back down this time and studies Ali’s sheepish expression. “Wait… are you afraid that I’ll out run you or something? Is that it?”

“No way, I’m a track star! I’ll run laps around you, marshmallow.” Ali counters proudly.

“Ok well, enlighten me then. Come on Al, why won’t you run with me?” Ashlyn asks more seriously, her voice sounding a bit hurt.

“Ugh.” Ali groans feeling bad about the whole thing that she’s clearly let get too far. “I’m sorry, sweetheart. I just…” She sits on the stool beside Ashlyn and rests her elbows on the counter, her chin in her hands.

“You can tell me.” Ashlyn encourages her to just say it, not sure what it could be bothering the brunette so much.

“I have a confession to make.” Ali says in a quiet voice and gets a nod from Ashlyn. “You know how I Googled you a while back?”

“Yeah.” Ashlyn replies.

“I don’t even know why I did it…like I knew it wasn’t a good idea, but it was such a big part of your life and what you went through. I guess I was just curious… I don’t know.” Ali tries to explain.

“Baby, what did you read?” Ashlyn tries to figure out what Ali could have learned about her that relates to this.

“I…uh… I watched the YouTube video of your injury.” Ali finally admits in a mumble, looking down at the counter. “I’m an idiot…sorry…it was… fucking horrific. God Ash, your leg…just…awful.”

“Oh.” Ashlyn takes in the information.

“I’m sorry. I really shouldn’t have watched it and I should’ve told you about it. I don’t mean to bring it up…I can’t even…” Ali rambles. It had definitely been poor judgment on her part as there was no way she wasn’t going to be affected by watching the woman she was in love with get so badly hurt, even if it was before they were officially together.

Ali’s eyes had been glued to the computer screen, her heart breaking and tears pouring down at having watched that leg snap…the shock on Ashlyn’s face, the pain, the look that made it clear that she knew her career was done. It’s something she can’t unsee and Ashlyn’s limp just serves as a constant reminder. She cringes every time Ashlyn hops out of her Jeep, let alone having to watch that leg pound the ground repeatedly on a run.

“Hey, baby…easy. Relax, ok?” Ashlyn gently grips Ali’s shoulders and turns her a bit so they are facing each other. “It’s ok. I’m not upset with you or anything.”

“You’re not?” Ali asks shyly.

“Of course not.” Ashlyn smiles. “I watched it once too just because I felt like I needed to. I’m just sorry you had to see that crap. It really was pretty gnarly. Looked a lot worse than it felt really. Way to pick that to watch over my dunk videos by the way.” She adds a little lightness to the moment and watches Ali smile slightly before the brunette’s face drops again.

“I really can’t get it out of my head. Just awful…your face… it looked so bad. I freak out that your leg is just gonna give like that again.” Ali divulges.

“Try being the one who has to learn to trust your leg again after it snaps like that.” Ashlyn shrugs. “The mental recovery was probably worse than anything else.”

“I really can’t even begin to imagine what that was like. I’m so sorry that happened to you. You’re so strong, love.” Ali pulls her in for a hug.

“So, is that why you won’t run with me? You’re afraid my leg is gonna crap out?” Ashlyn pulls back just enough to look into Ali’s eyes.

“Yeah.” Ali confesses and feels Ashlyn’s lips on hers in a quick soft kiss.

“Well, if that’s all….come on.” Ashlyn leads Ali outside by the hand and down the stairs of their deck. “Ok, you stay right here.” She points to an area of their yard just below the deck.

“Where are you going?” Ali asks as Ashlyn starts to walk away back up the deck stairs.

“You’ll see, just stay right there. I’ll be right back down.” Ashlyn instructs again.

It’s only a few more seconds before Ali’s eyes widen in terror as Ashlyn puts both her hands on the deck railing above, her intention very clear. “Ash! You can’t, don’t!” She yells out. It’s less than a ten foot drop, but it might as well be fifty feet in Ali’s eyes. “Please!” She pleads, but it’s no use as Ashlyn vaults over the railing. “Oh my god!” She screeches, her face contorting in fear as her girl flies through the air and lands right beside her with a thud.

“I’m fine, Alex. See?” Ashlyn smiles and bounces on the balls of her feet to prove her point. “Don’t you think that if I can trust my leg after everything, that you can trust it too?”

“I can’t believe you fucking did that!” Ali whisper-yells and hugs Ashlyn tight, her heart still hammering. “You fucking mad woman. I could kill you right now.” She pulls back slightly to look down at Ashlyn’s perfectly fine leg before hugging her tight again in an attempt to calm down. “Urine sane.”

“There she is!” Ashlyn laughs and kisses Ali sweetly. “I love you. Thank you for always caring so much about me, it means everything. But this bum leg is just fine, baby. Promise you. Besides, there’s enough surgical steel in there to build a racecar.”

“I love you too.” Ali leans in for a longer kiss. “Sorry to be so crazy about it, but that actually helped…even if you did pretty much give me a heart attack just now.”

“It’s ok, I’d probably be the same way if this situation was reversed. Sorry for the dramatics, but that’s essentially what I once did to make myself believe in this leg again. Figured it might work for you too.” Ashlyn lightly strokes the brunette’s hair. “So, think we can go for a run now?”

“Absolutely.” Ali smiles.

“Really?” Ashlyn says excitedly.

“Yep.” Ali smirks. “Before your reckless deck jump I had just realized that I would be running so far ahead of you that I wouldn’t be able to see your legs anyway.”

“Oh! It. Is. On. Bring it, Hello Kidney!” Ashlyn challenges back. “Winner gets a massage from the loser.”

“Even better.” Ali replies cockily. “I need to go get some running clothes on. You might want to go find a good toothbrush.”

“Why?” Ashlyn asks, giving Ali a befuddled look.

“Cause you’ll need it after you eat my dust, marshmallow.” Ali winks and kisses her hard before walking away to go change her clothes.

“Forget the toothbrush, I’m going to go find some oil for the sweet massage you’ll be giving me later.” Ashlyn calls out just as Ali disappears up the stairs of the deck. Her face breaks out into a dimpled grin at knowing damn well that she’ll be happily watching Ali’s perfect ass in front of her as they run and then getting to massage every inch of it and then some afterwards. She’s never so eagerly embraced the opportunity to lose.

\---------------------

“Ok, time for an intervention.” Ali walks up behind Ashlyn and massages her shoulders.

“That feels nice. Intervention?” Ashlyn questions, looking up from the pile of binders in front of her on the desk for the first time in at least four hours.

“Yep. You’ve been working non-stop on menus and business paperwork, and stressing over staff and supplies. We’re getting there, sweetheart…but you need to take some time to relax before you implode.” Ali kisses the top of her head and keeps massaging.

“Yeah, ok. I guess I could use a break.” Ashlyn admits.

The last couple of months have been a complete frenzy of trying to get the restaurant up and running. The easiest part had been the décor since Ashlyn already had a vision for what she wanted, a rustic industrial look. The entire inside was redesigned to bring in lots of worn-wood and metal elements, giving it a comfortable but edgy feel with a bar made of old railroad parts and lights that hung from the ceiling by thick rope and old pulley and lever systems. The contractors had just finished up last week and the place looked amazing. The two women had also managed to pull together a couple of hosts, a decent sized wait-staff and kitchen-staff, and three bartenders who were all willing to wait to start working until late January or early February when Kaboodle was set to open.

Ashlyn had also put together some initial plans for seasonal menus and purchased all the necessary restaurant supplies for cooking and serving, as well as figured out all the licensing and permits. Still, with only about a month left to go before late January was upon them, they had yet to find a main chef to put in most of the work while collaborating with Ashlyn and they were still looking for at least one solid manager that could handle some of the business aspects.

“Good. Come on, let’s go shower and get dressed nicely. I’m taking you out to dinner.” Ali leaves a few kisses on the back of her girl’s neck.

“Mmmm, how about we eat dinner while we shower?” Ashlyn waggles her eyebrows suggestively.

“Nope. In no way are we missing out on the romantic dinner plans I made. For all the times you treat me like a queen, you’re getting wined and dined tonight, marshmallow. Deal with it.” Ali playfully warns.

“Ugh, fine.” Ashlyn jokingly groans and gets up, pulling Ali into her arms. “Thanks, baby. Love you.”

“Just taking care of my hardworking girl. Love you too and I’m really proud of you.” Ali kisses the side of her neck before pulling back a bit to look at her. “And for the record, I plan to have dessert after dinner. In our bedroom. With absolutely no food involved.” She says with a smirk, pecking Ashlyn’s lips and turning to pull her by the hand.

“Now you’re talking!” Ashlyn says with a goofy grin and lets herself get led to the shower.

 

“You’re too much.” Ashlyn compliments as she and Ali get seated at the chef’s table of Rizzo’s, an upscale restaurant a few blocks from South Beach that they haven’t been to yet.

“Never too much for you.” Ali replies with a smile. “Besides, this is so much better than having to decide what to eat. Let someone else do the work so I can focus completely on you.”

“Who’s the charming one now?” Ashlyn smiles. “Of course, that’s what they all say until the chef gets all crazy with the tasting menu and you end up with calf brains for dinner.” She teases.

“Gross, didn’t think of that.” Ali cringes.

“I was kidding. I’m sure it will be great. The normal menu looks really good.” Ashlyn says as she watches the kitchen staff hard at work just a few feet away from their private table.

The waiter is at the table in no time, immediately taking their drink order. Knowing that they’ll only have one glass since they both have to be pretty careful about drinking with one kidney, Ali orders them the most expensive champagne on the menu. “To the woman of my dreams.” She raises her glass to Ashlyn.

“To my dream woman being a reality and blowing the dream right out of the water.” Ashlyn counters sweetly and clinks her glass to Ali’s before taking a sip.

“You’re so adorable that I can’t even be pissed that you one-up me every time with those charming one-liners.” Ali leans in and reaches across the small table, putting her hand behind Ashlyn’s neck and pulling her in for a lingering kiss even though they’re usually much more discrete.

“Mmmm, the champagne is amazing…but so much better on your lips.” Ashlyn mutters as they pull away.

“Ok, love…take it down a notch before I end up taking you into the bathroom for dessert before we even have dinner.” Ali teases.

“Can’t blame a girl for trying.” Ashlyn chuckles with a shrug just as the waiter brings the first of seven small courses.

“Interesting.” Ashlyn comments as the waiter explains the appetizer dish: a breaded triangle of fried mozzarella with a poached quail egg on top, a drizzle of crème fraiche, and a diced tomato salad with fresh basil and a balsamic reduction.

“Thoughts?” Ali asks as they each take a bite.

“It’s a glorified mozzarella stick.” Ashlyn chuckles. “But it’s so fucking good.”

“I know! Like so damn good!” Ali agrees. “I was hesitant with that quail egg, but damn.”

Next comes a watermelon salad with feta cheese, green onion, and mint tossed in a lime dressing. It’s a pretty standard refresher course, but it’s executed perfectly.

The dish that follows doesn’t look fancy at all, just a hamburger slider on a plate with what looks like apple slices. Both women eye it curiously as the waiter places their plates in front of them and explains.

“Uh…you first.” Ali says hesitantly after the waiter informs them that it’s an angus beef burger stuffed with cheddar and onion and served on a Hawaiian roll with peanut butter and a slice of pickle. On the side are two apple slices with salt and pepper on them.

“Wuss.” Ashlyn teases and goes right in for a bite. “Oh. My. God. Try that!” She says excitedly.

Ali looks down at the tiny burger again, still not so sure. “Promise you’re not messing with me?”

“Baby, just try it!” Ashlyn insists, going in for another bite of her own.

Ali takes a small bite as she tries not to cringe at the fact that she’s eating hamburger, cheese, pickle, and peanut butter all together. “Oh… oh wow!” She says in complete astonishment at how every flavor blends so perfectly that she can’t distinguish one from the other outside of it being one delicious mix.

“Told you… amazing!” Ashlyn finished her last bite. “I might need another one of those.”

“Me too.” Ali puts her hand up to get the waiter’s attention.

“Is everything okay? More champagne?” The waiter asks immediately as he comes over.

“Everything is perfect. Will you give our highest compliments to the chef and then kindly request another round of those sliders you just served? I know that’s not how this works, but just tack it on our bill.” Ali asks sweetly.

“Of course.” The waiter nods and heads off.

“Look at you, Ms. Upscale Restaurant Etiquette.” Ashlyn jokes with an impressed look.

“My girl gets what my girl wants. Another slider to-die-for coming right up!” Ali plays back.

“Well, if I really got what I wanted…” Ashlyn runs her foot up Ali’s calf under the table with a smirk.

“Patience, marshmallow. All in good time.” Ali winks.

The waiter is back in no time to fulfill their request, the two women happily eating another slider while they wait for the next course.  When the next dish comes out, Ashlyn knows there is no way she’s leaving this restaurant tonight without meeting the chef behind these inspired dishes. This time it’s a version of chicken and waffles with a twist… fried chicken breast pieces over two small buttermilk waffles that have bacon and banana sandwiched between them, the whole thing drizzled with raw clover honey.

In no time at all Ali is calling the waiter back again, this time to deliver a meeting request to the chef along with their compliments.

After corn-chip crusted flank steak strips served with french fries and whipped cream, mini greek-style gyros made with mahi-mahi, and vanilla ice cream with an extra virgin olive oil drizzle, the chef finally makes his way over to their table with a smile on his face.

“Ladies, I am Head Chef Oscar Ramirez. I hope you enjoyed your dinner tonight.” The chef introduces himself politely.  He’s about 6 feet tall and very clean-cut and trim with dark hair and eyes to match.

“Enjoyed is an understatement. That was absolutely one of the best dinners I’ve ever had. Every dish was inventive, surprising in the best way, and positively delicious. Thank you for such a wonderful meal. I’m Ashlyn Harris and this is my partner, the lovely Ali Krieger.” Ashlyn praises him and then introduces themselves.

“Exactly what she said. I am so beyond impressed.” Ali chimes in even as her heartrate picks up at hearing Ashlyn introduce her as her partner. Although it’s more formal, something about it seems more permanent than girlfriend.

“You are very kind. I’m thrilled you enjoyed it so much. My dishes aren’t everyone’s style, but there is no better compliment to me than plates that come back empty.” Oscar smiles at them.

“Pretty sure I licked mine clean.” Ashlyn jokes.

“She did. I watched.” Ali adds with a laugh.

“Well, I thank you for being open-minded enough to take a chance on what you were eating.” Oscar replies.

“I can’t believe we haven’t come here until now. You can count on us being a staple at your table from now on.” Ashlyn assures him.

“Oh…uh…” Oscar stutters for a second. “I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but Rizzo’s will be closing in two weeks. The announcement was made last month. The original owner died about 6 months back and his wife just isn’t able to keep up with it since she has some health problems of her own. So, she sold it. I hear the new owner is going to renovate it into a dance club.” He shrugs. “If you would like to pass along some contact information, I could let you know where I eventually land.” He offers.

“Hold up. You don’t have something lined up yet?” Ashlyn sits up straighter in her chair.

Oscar shakes his head no. “I’ve been looking around, but I just haven’t found the right opportunity yet.”

Ashlyn shoots Ali a quick look and the brunette shoots one back, their silent communication unmistakable.

“Well Oscar, we are the owners of a new restaurant on South Beach called Kaboodle that is set to open in late January… and I can personally guarantee that you just found the right opportunity.” Ali says confidently with a nose-crinkling smile and watches Oscar’s eyebrows raise slightly. Ashlyn sits back with her own dimpled grin and watches her girl work her magic.

\-----------------

“Bumble, will you remind me how to use the broiler setting on your fancy-shmancy oven again? This brain doesn’t remember things like it used to.” Gram gets Ali’s attention from where she is standing next to Jim on the back deck, both of them laughing at watching Ashlyn lift Josh’s five-year-old son over and over again on command so he can throw a basketball into the hoop that is set up in their yard.

“Sure thing, Gram.” Ali smiles and looks back one more time to see Ashlyn and Liz now teaching the little boy some kind of high-five handshake combination that has him giggling wildly, her heart melting at the sight even while Josh and his wife laugh from across the yard. “Be back soon.” She tells Jim before heading inside to the kitchen.

With Christmas being part of a long weekend this year and Ashlyn’s grandparents not able to travel all that far, the two women had convinced everyone to let them host the holiday just like they had for Thanksgiving. The difference this time was that in addition to Ali’s family and Ashlyn’s grandparents, Josh and his family, Liz, and even Jim had been able to gather at the house in Miami as well.  And just like at Thanksgiving, the women had chosen to get food catered so they could all just relax and enjoy the time together, but Gram had apparently still managed to find something to cook in the kitchen.

“Ah, here she is.” Gram says as Ali walks into the kitchen where her parents and Kyle as well as Ashlyn’s Gramp are hanging around the counter.

“What are you guys doing in here?” Ali questions at the way they’re all standing there looking a bit suspicious. “What are you cooking? The caterer is bringing brunch in a couple hours, no need to cook.” She reminds them.

“We’re cooking nothing. And for the record, I remember darn well how to use that oven, but I needed something to get you in here, Bumblebee.” Gram admits.

“What is this?” Ali asks, looking at Kyle for a clue, but he just smiles at her.

“It’s a cooking intervention, darlin’.” Gramp pipes up.

“Oh um…well, I can kinda cook. At least enough to split some of the cooking duties with Ashlyn. I mean, she’s way better at it obviously, but I’m not that bad. Oh my god, did she say something?” Ali gets out in a worried ramble.

“Honey, relax. This is not that.” Deb calms her down.

“Yeah, untwist your panties princess.” Kyle adds. “This is actually a cooking intervention for the all-star.”

“I’m so lost.” Ali groans in frustration. “Dad?” She looks at him, knowing he never beats around the bush.

“Gram here told us something last night when you and Ashlyn went to walk on the beach. And we ended up sort of brainstorming and think that maybe this is something that will be a good thing for both of you.” Ken starts to elaborate before looking to Gram to explain the rest.

“Tater-tot casserole.” Gram says it matter-of-factly. “That’s the first thing I ever taught my Kit and Kaboodle how to cook. That’s how it all started… the first thing they would cook together. One day, Chris decided he was going to add hot sauce to it and it started them on experimenting with this one dish that they felt so comfortable with. That was just before they were teenagers and it eventually evolved into something far beyond two kids creating concoctions. It became their place of harmony.”

Ali nods, trying to following along as the older woman recounts it all with such a tone of fondness in her voice.

“Whenever one of them was upset or down about something, or even just in need of a good talk…” Gram pauses almost like she’s reminiscing for a second. “I would hear them in the kitchen sometimes late at night, tinkering… even as adults, always the same. The next morning there would be half of a left-over Tater-tot casserole in the fridge and the two of them would have their spark back, a lightness about them you could actually feel.”  She pauses again with a sigh and looks at her husband.

“There hasn’t been a leftover Tater-tot casserole in our fridge since the Christmas before he died.” Gramp fills in the rest and gets to the point. “She’s missing that in her life, that place of harmony when things are out-of-whack. She’s dealt without it for nearly a decade, but she needs it. For the first time in a very long time, we can see that she has it with you. And even though we can all see how open and honest you two are with each other… sometimes, it’s going to take an extra little push, an extra sense of comfort to really get to the bottom of what is ailing and get past it. Tater-tot casserole is her place of security with her most trusted person and you’re that person now. The person she hasn’t had since him.”

“Oh…I…” Ali doesn’t have a clue what to say. She feels special, but also hesitant and still confused as to what they want her to do exactly. “But, this was their special thing. Maybe it isn’t a good idea for me to intrude on that.” She approaches the idea with caution.

“Bumble…” Gram looks at her seriously. “She needs this connection back. This restaurant is going to bring with it all kinds of emotions, fears, and frustrations that she’ll bottle up no matter how open she is with you. She needs that place of security back. And it’s not just her. It will be a place for both of you to learn each other, deconstruct everything, and put it all back together. You’ll just have to trust me on this one.”

“This must be one hell of a recipe.” Ali says as she tries to process everything.

“Oh it is. Says right here that you use pixie dust instead of salt.” Kyle jokes as he holds up a cook book to bring some much needed levity.

“Tater-tots do have a certain magic.” Ken adds with a smile.

“Right, you can eat them at any meal of the day!” Deb joins in before getting more serious. “I think this will be a great thing, honey. And if it backfires, you can blame it on all of us.”

“Or just blame me!” Gramp offers. “I’ve always had bad ideas, but she can never stay mad at me too long.”

“Ok, I’ll try it.” Ali concedes, not only completely trusting Gram’s judgement but also completely willing to do anything to make Ashlyn happy. “But what exactly do I…”

“Just ask her to teach you how to make Tater-tot casserole, Bumble. And then just be you.” Gram cuts her off having already anticipated the question. “All the ingredients are in the kitchen. It takes about an hour and 20 minutes to make it start to finish.”

“The rest of us will be going for a long walk on the beach at least a couple hours and won’t be back a minute sooner.” Gramp tells her.

“Oh, so this is happening like right now?” Ali asks with raised eyebrows.

“Yep!” Kyle replies for them and then leans into Ali’s ear on his way out of the kitchen. “Remember to wash your hands, I want to try this magic casserole at brunch.”

“Oh god.” Ali whispers and smacks him lightly, glad he had the good sense not to say that any louder. Everyone gives her a quick hug for luck as they file out of the room until only Gram is left.

“Don’t be nervous, Bumble. This will be great.” Gram reassures her. “I’m expecting an off the charts level of sparkle from you two when I get back…just uh…keep it out of the dining room, I already set the table for brunch.” She winks and laughs at the immediate blush that takes over Ali’s face.

“I’m going to die of embarrassment.” Ali mutters and buries her face in her hands.

“Oh Bumble, two beautiful women like you and the way you look at each other. Just own it, sweetheart.” Gram nudges her. “Now go put on that cute apron!”

“Right.” Ali shakes her head and goes to put on the apron, knowing she probably only has a few more minutes to figure out how she wants to approach this before Ashlyn walks in.

\-------------------

“Where’d Alex go?” Ashlyn asks Jim as she makes her way onto the deck, bouncing Josh’s 9-month-old baby boy, Jasper, in her arms.

“Your Gram asked her to help with something, so she went in for a minute.” He answers.

“Awww, you’ll have to wait a little longer for the pretty queen to hold you, my tiny heartthrob. She’ll be back soon.” Ashlyn coos at the little boy who drools while he smiles at her.

“You’re really great with kids.” Jim says with a smile.

“That’s because I am one.” Ashlyn laughs.

“Well they obviously love you.” Jim watches the baby rest his forehead against Ashlyn’s cheek. “Ever wanted a family?” He asks matter-of-factly.

“Yeah, I guess it’s what I always envisioned…but I also haven’t necessarily expected it to be in the cards for me honestly.” Ashlyn does her best to answer while being taken off-guard by his question.

“You should ask her about that.” Jim smiles knowingly.

“Don’t you think it’s a little early for that?” Ashlyn eyes him curiously.

“Oh sure, definitely don’t want to ask the person you’re very seriously dating, living with, and about to start a business with whether or not they are on the same page as you about the future.” Jim says sarcastically.

“Easy for you say, you’re not the one trying to get her to marry you.” Ashlyn blurts out without even thinking.

“Well then.” Jim raises his eyebrows. “Now that’s what I like to hear! You have totally a ring already, don’t you?” He probes with a huge grin.

Ashlyn closes her eyes for a second at having been so careless. “Busted.” She admits before quickly adding “Jim, you can’t…”

“Relax! It’s not like I didn’t already know. You two are way more obvious than you think. Anyway, my lips are sealed. I promise I won’t say a word to her.” Jim assures her.

“Thank you.” Ashlyn lets out a little sigh of relief.

“For the record, I’ve been trying to get her to marry me for like five years…I’m just not her type.” Jim says seriously before watching Ashlyn’s eyes widen and then laughing at the look on her face. “I’m kidding! When you get to be my age, the dirty old man jokes are really fun.” He laughs a bit harder when Ashlyn starts chuckling too before getting serious again. “So, as I was saying… you should ask her about it.”

“I’m sure it’ll come up at some point, but…I don’t know. That’s a really intense question to ask this early on in a relationship.” Ashlyn reasons.

“Sure, sure. So, donating a kidney to a complete stranger and then falling in love with her wasn’t intense?” He counters.

“Well yeah, fair point. But I guess I’m just already intense enough as a person without bringing any more into it before it comes up on its own.” Ashlyn shrugs.

“Ok Peaches, listen up. She loves you exactly as you are dumb, dumb…intense and all. All love that is worth it is intense.” Jim levels with her.

“Peaches?” Ashlyn switches Jasper to her other arm to bounce him better as he starts to fuss.

“Yeah. You kinda remind me of my late wife… no bullshit, but deep, loyal, and endlessly kind. I called her Peaches.” Jim says nonchalantly. “Look, I know we all agreed to no gifts today, but you’re just going to have to trust me about this one and accept the gift of good advice from your woman’s best friend. Just ask her if she wants a family. Merry Christmas.” He says with finality, shooting her a meaningful smile.

“Yeah, ok. Merry Christmas. Thanks, Jim.” She concedes with a nod, before realizing she could also use some advice on how exactly she should go about asking. Before she can get the question out, her grandparents and Ali’s family all walk outside together.

“Ali needs your help in the kitchen, Kit. The rest of us are going for a nice long walk on the beach until brunch.” Gram says matter-of-factly as she and Gramp make their way off the deck.

“I get dibs on this cutie pie.” Deb takes baby Jasper from Ashlyn as she and Ken follow. Kyle just nudges Ashlyn and winks as he walks by.

“Uh?” Ashlyn mumbles as she tries to figure out what is happening, looking to Jim to see if he is as confused as she is, but he just falls in line behind the others. She watches Josh and his family follow with Liz alongside them and shakes her head. “I don’t even want to know.” She whispers to herself and goes to find Ali in hopes of getting some clarity.

\-----------------------

“There’s my beautiful bard, and wearing an apron and looking all sexy too.” Ashlyn walks into the kitchen and finds Ali standing by the kitchen island, going right over to give her a soft kiss. “Mmmm, one more.” She leans in for another that lingers just a bit longer. “So, whatcha up to and why is everyone walking on beach?”

Ali still hasn’t figured out quite how to approach this, so she just gets right to the heart of it. “Well…a very wise little birdy told me that there’s a magical Tater-tot casserole that occupies a special spot in your soul. The very soul that I want to know and love every single corner of. And a bunch of other little birdies collaborated with the wise little birdie to make this happen. So, I’ll take any answer you give me and be totally okay with it, but the woman who loves you more than anything in the world is asking to become part of a really special spot in your heart…to know you better. Not to replace what was and is already there, but to build upon it if you’ll let me. Ash, will teach me to make a Tater-tot casserole?”

Ashlyn swallows down the lump in her throat that suddenly builds from more emotions than she can even disentangle at the moment and gives herself a second to let what Ali just said sink in. Her eyes find cinnamon brown orbs that always reflect the same thing … love, warmth, caring, desire…and the response suddenly seems obvious.

“We need to invest in a birdcage.” Ashlyn smiles, her own joke making herself feel lighter. “They’re right though. Tater-tot casserole is too magical to have kept it away for this long.” She leans in and kisses Ali slowly and deliberately, conveying her feelings before she says the words. “I love you, Alex, so much. There is no one else I would do this with but you. Let’s do it.”

“You sure?” Ali cups the short-haired woman’s cheek, searching her face for any signs of hesitation but finding none.

“Never been more sure.” Ashlyn leans her face further into Ali’s warm hand.

“Even if I suck at it and burn it?” Ali asks with a slight smile and a quirked eyebrow.

“Even if it’s inedible…which it won’t be, you underestimate my teaching skills. Still love you with all my heart, still want to share every part of myself with you. Got it?” Ashlyn pecks her lips.

“Got it, love.” Ali pinches her cheek. “Ok, what do I do?”

Ashlyn just smiles and makes her way around the kitchen grabbing everything they need and setting it on the counter. “Ok, take that bag of frozen tater-tots and arrange them in a single layer in that baking pan. As little space as possible between them.” Ashlyn directs and Ali gets right to it. “I’m just going to cut up this bacon into small pieces and fry it in the pan on the stove.” She gets to her own task.

“Done.” Ali says a few minutes later, admiring her perfect rows of tater-tots in the baking pan.

“And you said you couldn’t cook.” Ashlyn comes up behind Ali and kisses her cheek, reaching around to grab a mixing bowl on front of them. “So, I kind of eyeball this part, but it’s roughly a teaspoon of salt, a teaspoon of pepper, a tablespoon each of garlic powder and onion powder.” She quickly puts the mix of spices in the bowl, not bothering to measure. “Now, break three eggs in there and add a cup and a half of milk, then whisk it together really well.” She instructs Ali, gently squeezing her waist before going back to the bacon.

“Done and done.” Ali announces again just a couple minutes later.

“Perfect. Now sprinkle half that bag of cheddar cheese over the tater-tots and then pour that egg mixture over it.” Ashlyn says as she puts the bacon on a paper towel to drain the excess grease. By the time she finishes and puts the pan in the dishwasher, Ali is done.

“Now we cook it at 350 degrees for 45min, take it out, sprinkle more cheese and the bacon over it, and put it back in the oven for 15min to finish.” Ashlyn explains.

“Wow, that’s it?” Ali asks in surprise. It sounds absolutely delicious, but it’s so much simpler than she expected.

“Pretty much. But, you have an important task.” Ashlyn puts her hands on Ali’s hips and holds her sweetly. “That is the base recipe. We need a twist.”

“A twist?” Ali questions.

“Yep. Look around the kitchen, see what we have… come up with something to add to it that might be good. Doesn’t matter if it turns out terrible, that’s the fun of it. It can be simple or completely wild, just give it some love. Can you handle that, Hello Kidney?” Ashlyn asks with a dimpled grin.

“So much pressure.” Ali kisses Ashlyn’s chin. “I’m all over it.” She lightly squeezes her girl’s forearms before going to search the kitchen, taking only ten minutes before she’s chopping up fresh cilantro and pulling slices of pickled jalapeno peppers out of a jar.

“Simple, but genius. You’re perfect, baby.” Ashlyn says approvingly and kisses the side of Ali’s neck from behind her before putting the baking dish in the now preheated oven.

“So, what do we do while it cooks?” Ali inquires, not sure what happens now, if anything.

“Well, this is usually the part where I spill my guts in hopes of getting my groove back.” Ashlyn chuckles a bit and leans an arm on the counter.

“And I’ll listen to every single word you want to speak, but I meant what I said before. I’m not looking to intrude on something sacred, I’m here in whatever way you want me to be.” Ali runs her hand up Ashlyn’s arm soothingly.

“I want you here in every single way possible, baby.” Ashlyn’s eyes never leave the brunette’s. “The truth Alex is that I trust you completely and feel like I can tell you anything. And I do and I always will. But in the spirit of all this…I guess I don’t always think to talk about every single thought I have, especially ones that I feel like I can manage on my own since that is what I have done for long. But that is the magic of Tater-tot Casserole.” She pauses for a second before revealing the one thing on her mind that she’s been working to suppress. “Nothing is the same without him, especially holidays. And while that’s okay because I’ve learned that I can make new memories while holding onto the old ones…it’s also not okay. I really miss him…terribly. Maybe that’s why I’m so hell bent on living his dream, it makes me feel like I’m still close to him and he’s still here somehow.”

“I can’t even imagine how hard this is for you, Ashlyn. I’m so sorry, love. Losing anyone like that is tragic, let alone your brother and your best friend. It’s okay not to feel okay about it, even if that never changes.” Ali hugs her tight and gently rubs her back.

And just like that Ashlyn feels the freedom inside even in just saying that simple statement out loud, the heaviness of her thoughts feeling lighter and more manageable to carry. She smiles, knowing exactly why she agreed to cook Tater-tot Casserole with Ali without hesitation…because she can trust her with her heart and her broken pieces. Ali doesn’t try to offer empty words or promises, doesn’t try to make something okay that will never be okay, doesn’t try to force a resolution. The brunette just holds her close, makes her feel secure, and lets her feel. She feels protected in her vulnerability, just like she did with Chris even if it’s a bit different in nature…and it’s everything.

Ashlyn stays silent for a few minutes, just melting into Ali’s arms before finally pulling back to look at her. “Thank you.” She says sincerely.

“Anytime and always.” Ali leaves a lingering kiss on her lips.

“So…” Ashlyn tucks a piece of Ali’s hair behind her ear.

“So?” Ali asks a bit confused.

“It’s a two-way street, beautiful.” Ashlyn says gently.

“Oh…right.” Ali gives herself a second to search her own mind before speaking. “Well, I have to say that I am pretty damn happy right now.” Ali smiles before continuing. “I guess a part of me still feels so nervous though. Like I’m establishing this whole new life that I’m already so attached to…and what if it all goes to hell again? What if this kidney doesn’t hold out long? What if I go right back to square one, you know?”

It’s Ashlyn’s turn to pull Ali close, putting her mouth near the brunette’s ear. “As much as I’d like to promise that my fabulous kidney will hold out forever, I can’t control that. And maybe it will all go to hell and you’ll be back where you started. I can’t promise you that it won’t go that way, but I can promise that it’ll be different this time if it does.”

“How so?” Ali whispers and feels Ashlyn’s arms hold her waist a little tighter.

“Because I’ll be there right beside you. I’ll love you more every single day and you’ll never do it alone. You’ll never be alone in the suck-fest.” Ashlyn whispers softly in her ear.

“You promise?” Ali pulls back slightly to find her eyes, her heart racing.

“Nope. I full-on guarantee it.” Ashlyn kisses her passionately, letting their emotions control the pace until they’re both breathless a few minutes later.

“K…so, that was like 15 minutes.” Ali looks at the timer they set on the oven. “What do we do for the next 30 minutes?”

“Well, this is the part that is going to make our Tater-tot Casserole magic a lot different than my original.” Ashlyn nips at Ali’s ear a few times. “I’m going to make love to you slowly… press your skin all over mine, taste you, feel your heat on my fingers, listen to you catch your breath in my ear, get so lost in you that your heartbeat becomes mine and I don’t know where our bodies separate. I want to be yours. To burn so brightly when we’re done that everyone will be damn sure we did what they expected us to when they went for that walk on the beach.” She husks in the brunette’s ear.

“And here I thought we all agreed to no presents today?” Ali gets out in a raspy voice, already breathing heavily again just from Ashlyn’s words and her own pounding heart.

“You are my present… and my future.” Ashlyn moves her lips across Ali’s jaw before feeling the brunette pull back slightly and finding eyes dark with desire looking back at her.

“So charming, love… and beautiful. So beautiful. And mine. You are mine. I love you and I’m all yours too.” Ali barely gets out before she can’t hold back anymore and presses Ashlyn into the counter, kissing her hard and hearing a whimper echo into her mouth.

Ashlyn doesn’t waste another moment, lifting Ali into her arms and blindly carrying her to their bedroom while her lips continue to work across every inch of skin within reach. It may only be 30 minutes, but when the timer on Ali’s phone goes off, both women can agree that it was the most erotic and powerful 30 minutes they’ve ever experienced.

They get the final sprinkle of cheese and bacon on the casserole along with Ali’s cilantro and jalapenos before putting it back in the oven for the last 15 minutes which they spend making out languidly in the kitchen still unable to keep their hands off each other.

“Holy shit this is amazing!” Ali practically purrs as Ashlyn feeds her a forkful of the finished casserole, the two of them still stark naked in the middle of the kitchen knowing that they have at least another half hour alone.

“Magic, baby. The word you’re looking for is magic.” Ashlyn admires the gorgeous brunette with a goofy happy grin on her face.

“Right, magic.” Ali mirrors Ashlyn’s smile. “So Ms. Magic, want to go pull a few rabbits out of your hat in the shower before they all get back?” She bites her lip and feeds Ashlyn another forkful.

“For you, I have a whole lot more than rabbits in my hat.” Ashlyn plays back with a smirk.

“Prove it.” Ali puts the fork down and pulls Ashlyn by the hand towards the bathroom.

“Alacazam… Hocus Pocus…Merry Christmas…Abracadabra…” Ashlyn jokes and pretends to wave a wand with her free hand as they get to the bathroom only to be pinned against the bathroom wall by Ali’s hips. “Fuck…” She whispers at the look of pure want on the brunette’s face.

“Presto Change-O.” Ali mumbles against her lips and kisses her hard.

\--------------

Ashlyn digs her toes into the cool sand, wrapping her arms around Ali a little bit tighter as the brunette sits between her legs and leans back into her chest. It’s New Year’s Eve and both of them are pretty impressed with themselves that they’ve stayed awake long enough to see the calendar year change.

As fun as it had been to have everyone over for Christmas, it had also been exhausting with trying to simultaneously keep up with all the little things still in the works with the restaurant in order to have the grand opening in just a few weeks. Luckily, only Kyle had lingered beyond the day after Christmas and had been a big help with some final décor touches and menu design. He had flown out early this morning in order to make it to his own New Year’s plans with friends, the two women finally getting some time alone for the first time in over a week.

Although they had both talked a big game when deciding what to do for the evening, in the end they had opted to stay home and veg out on pizza and hot wings before making their way down to the beach. They didn’t make it very far from their house, just plopping down on the sand and enjoying the gentle sound of the waves crashing while they wait to catch a glimpse of midnight fireworks in the distance. It might be the lamest New Year’s Eve either of them has ever had, but neither could ask for anything more perfect.

Ashlyn takes in the scent of Ali’s shampoo and closes her eyes, getting lost in the moment before she’s pulled away from it by a loud giggle not too far away. She looks to her right and watches a little boy happily playing with a lit sparkler just about 30 feet away from them while his parents look on. She immediately thinks about her conversation with Jim this past week and she wonders if this is the right moment. She watches the little boy laughing wildly now as he waves the sparkler in the air and hears Ali chuckle lightly, now knowing for sure that she is watching too. She feels the brunette squeeze her forearms lightly and takes a deep breath.

“Hey, Alex… can I ask you a question that you absolutely do not have to answer?” Ashlyn asks softly.

“Well when you put it like that.” Ali laughs and leans her head back, turning it to kiss Ashlyn’s cheek. “Ask away, love.”

“Have you ever thought about… well, have you ever wanted… that?” Ashlyn botches the question in her nervousness, just pointing to the little boy and his parents.

“I would love a sparkler.” Ali replies cheerily.

“Oh, uh…no, I meant…” Ashlyn stutters.

“I’m kidding, Ash. I know what you meant.” Ali reaches back and pulls Ashlyn’s head down into the back of her neck a bit before letting go. “The simple answer is yes, I’ve always wanted exactly that. The realistic answer is that it has always been a pipe dream.” She says honestly before going back to her teasing tone because she can feel Ashlyn’s heart pounding against her back. “Well…minus the guy. She can stay though, she’s pretty hot from what I can tell.” She motions to the woman.

“Really right now?” Ashlyn nudges Ali’s head with her own and laughs lightly. “Jerk.”

“Oh come on… is she not hot?” Ali presses.

“Yeah, ok. She’s hot. But I’m already on the beach with the hottest…and it definitely is not her.” Ashlyn points to the woman and hugs Ali tighter.

“Good answer.” Ali turns to peck Ashlyn on the lips. “So smooth.”

“I try.” Ashlyn laughs.

“For the record, I was messing with you. Not only is she so not my type, but now that I’ve seen you… no one else even rates, let alone compares.” Ali goes in for another kiss.

“Talk about smooth. You have some game after all, Hello Kidney.” Ashlyn teases.

“My middle name is game and don’t you forget it, Kidney Express.” Ali lightly elbows her.

“From the woman who makes urine puns and calls me a hot marshmallow…sure, baby.” Ashlyn goads her.

“So, back to the original question.” Ali gets them back on track because her curiosity is getting the best of her. “What about you?” She poses the question back, motioning to the little family again.

“Truthfully, completely the same as your answer.” Ashlyn says earnestly and lets the comfortable silence between them go on for a minute before forging ahead. “Why is it a pipe dream for you?”

“Nature sucks like that.” Ali shrugs. “I’ve always wanted to have baby…totally that person who feels their clock ticking, especially now that it’s ticking down closer and closer to the buzzer. But, it’s just not reality. Reality is that while I can get pregnant just fine, I’d be without a doubt passing down genes for Polycystic Kidney Disease and a life just like mine to my child, if not worse. I would never do that. And while I could always adopt or in the right situation have my partner get pregnant, those haven’t exactly been options on the table for me. But the ideal would be to have a baby…pipe dream, like I said. Your turn, same question.”

“Similar to that last thing you just said. Very honestly, I could never wrap my head around being pregnant. The whole thing seems so foreign to me, like my body has never expected to or wanted to go there. I guess maybe for the right person…I don’t know…I just never thought about it seriously. Always wanted a family though. It’s ingrained in my mind as part of what my future should look like. But like you, reality is that my life hasn’t been suited to it and the option of a pregnant partner hasn’t exactly been on the table. So, it was a pipe dream.” Ashlyn answers straight-forwardly.

“Was?” Ali whispers, trying not to read too far into her girl’s words but failing.

“Was.” Ashlyn repeats. “You could still get pregnant you know. I don’t mean that in a pushy way at all…just, you know, if you really wanted to…there are options for that.”

Ali closes her eyes, feeling momentarily hopeful at what she thinks is being said, but knowing the magnitude of what that would mean. “I know the options…which means I also know the commitment level. I couldn’t ask or expect someone to do that with me.”

Ashlyn shifts her body a bit so she can face Ali more, gently taking the brunette’s face in her hands and finding her eyes, her heart racing. “I know this conversation is a little crazy…and intense… and maybe too soon… and we’re talking hypotheticals because we’re not there yet… but, what if I said with complete honesty that it isn’t a pipe dream for us.”

Ali closes her eyes again, trying to inhale to fill her lungs with the air that has just gone out of them, now completely sure of what is being said here. The spark of hope so strong inside now that it almost feels like’s it physically burning. “You mean that?” She whispers with eyes still closed.

“Yeah, I do. Wouldn’t say it if I didn’t.” Ashlyn replies back and rests her forehead against the brunette’s. “I gave you a kidney before I even knew you, Alex… and I’d give you the other one with zero hesitation now that I do know you. I sure as hell will give you my eggs in hopes of a baby, no matter what it takes.”

“Ashlyn…” Ali whispers and just leans in for a deep and passionate kiss that knocks Ashlyn back into the sand with a little moan of surprise. It’s sensual and heated, fitting of their discovering these new parts of each other and joining them together. Ali finally pulls back a bit when she can breathe anymore, taking a few seconds to catch her breath as she hovers over the short-haired woman. “You’re right, we’re not quite there yet. But you are literally my dream come true and then some. And I will embrace every single opportunity we have together in this life no matter what it is. And I can’t wait to make our pipe dreams a reality. I really love you, Ash.” She kisses her again.

“I love you too. And I love the way you kiss me.” Ashlyn smiles up at the brunette. “So, is that kind of a yes?”

“That’s kind of a very much yes.” Ali smiles back, her nose-crinkling up.

Ashlyn can only shake her head and laugh right now.

“What?” Ali asks with her head cocked to the side, not quite understanding the reaction.

“Nothing…just...Chris always wanted kids too. I always joked that it was one dream of his that I wouldn’t ever attempt live out to the letter for the obvious reason that it would look very different for me despite the same concept, you know?” Ashlyn replies. “But… I suppose I might as well have. It looks like having Harris babies with a beautiful woman might be in the cards after all. Maybe I’ll get to check that dream off the list for him too.”

“I am all for putting a big ol’ check in that box too, love.” Ali presses Ashlyn back into the sand, capturing her lips in another steamy kiss that is sure to have them off the beach and in their bedroom in no time.

“Mmmm.” Ali pulls back slightly with still hooded eyes at the sound of distant fireworks, assuming it must be midnight now. “Happy New Year, marshmallow.”

“Happy new life, baby.” Ashlyn smiles back at her with a loving stare.

“Yeah…exactly that.” Ali presses their mouths back together.


	15. The Beginning in the End

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> She can't possibly make this story any fluffier, right? Hold my beer...  
> And also smut warning!
> 
> Just a heads up...I'm working on the last chapter right now, so it's going to take me a few days to get it posted. I'm hoping by the end of the week or by Monday. I'm also planning an epilogue, so that might take me a little while to write as well.
> 
> I love reading all your comments along the way and appreciate all the feedback, so don't be shy :-)

“Alex, come here.” Ashlyn calls over to the brunette who has just finished going over the mile long checklist of restaurant supplies. Kaboodle is set to have its grand opening next week on February 14th, just a couple of weeks later than the original estimate. Both women have been running around getting everything prepared and perfect. They’re pretty ready at this point and hoping that the novelty of the new restaurant and the unique menu will draw in a lot of Valentine’s Day dinner dates.

“Oh boy, it’s always a toss-up when you two call me in here.” Ali eyes Ashlyn and Oscar warily as she walks into the kitchen, knowing she’s about to be a guinea pig for their latest creation.

“Hey now, you act like we don’t feed you gourmet in here.” Ashlyn pretends to be offended.

“Oh it’s gourmet alright and usually genius, but lest we forget that I practically spit fire a couple days ago.” Ali raises an eyebrow.

“Yeah, I was a bit too heavy handed with the chilies in that volcano burger. That was my bad, sorry.” Oscar admits sheepishly.

“You’re forgiven because your wife loves to go shoe shopping with me.” Ali plays back. The truth is that they struck gold with Oscar as a head chef. Not only do he and Ashlyn mesh so well together in their vision and personalities, but they can clearly trust him to run the show on a daily basis. He’s reliable, smart, funny, and is already handling the kitchen staff really well as they get things ready to go. People are friendly with him, but also respect his leadership. Not to mention the fact that he convinced a manager and a few other staff members from Rizzo’s to come work at Kaboodle with him.

“Here baby, try it.” Ashlyn slides a small plate in Ali’s direction.

“This time I want to know what’s in it first.” Ali requests, but she can already tell how excited Ashlyn is about it. The way her girl’s eyes get more swirled with green and dart around with excitement is usually a good indicator of how she feels about a dish. It actually makes her heart race to see her like this.

“It’s a jalapeno filled with a sweetened cream cheese and wrapped in crispy bacon, then dipped in chocolate. On the side are fresh strawberries with a splash of balsamic vinegar.” Oscar explains. “Credit goes mainly to the boss here. I just added the bacon.” He motions to Ashlyn.

“Hmmm.” Ali hums in approval and picks up the jalapeno, taking a sizeable bite and giving herself time to chew it properly to get all the flavors. “Oh. My. God.” Her eyes go wide.

“Is that good or bad?” Oscar immediately looks at Ashlyn.

“Oh, it’s good.” Ashlyn says with a Cheshire cat grin on her face at having heard the tiny little purr vibrate in Ali’s throat, the same one she hears when Ali is catching her breath after a good orgasm.

“You guys! This is so going on the menu as our opening night dessert special! This is going to crush!” Ali says excitedly. “Also, I’m going to need another one of those and Iet’s make sure we have enough ingredients for it so we don’t run out.” She plants a lingering kiss on Ashlyn’s lips, pats Oscar on the back, grabs another jalapeno off the tray on the counter and is off as quickly as she came in.

“Alrighty then.” Oscar laughs and shakes his head.

“I love that woman.” Ashlyn says proudly, still watching Ali make her way through the restaurant.

“Then lock it down, Chef.” Oscar claps her lightly on the shoulder.

“Working on it.” Ashlyn smiles at him. “Cannot believe this is my life.” She whispers to herself.

“Me either.” Oscar teases at having heard her.

“Ass.” She nudges him gently.

“You hired me.” He nudges back.

“Still don’t regret it.” Ashlyn laughs and tosses her apron off, more than ready to go home and cook up a feast for Ali tonight.

\--------------------

“Oscar, how are we doing in here?” Ali asks, looking around the kitchen, glad to see everyone busily hurrying around in what looks to be perfect harmony despite the fast pace.

“Excellent, Ali! Going great, we’re prepared and on schedule.” Oscar replies and wipes the sweat from his brow with his sleeve as he keeps working.

After a huge lunch rush, they’re now halfway into an even bigger dinner rush on Kaboodle’s grand opening night and miraculously everything has gone smoothly.

“Perfect!” Ali replies back and leans in closer. “Think you and Francine can handle this place if I borrow her for like an hour?” She says quietly and motions to Ashlyn who has been splitting time between helping in the kitchen and walking around to personally welcome guests and check in on tables tonight. Ali can tell by her more pronounced limp that she could use a break.

“Absolutely. Go on.” He lightly pushes Ali in Ashlyn’s direction.

“Hey you.” Ali approaches Ashlyn who is checking already plated meals and wiping any dribbles of sauces off the edges before they get served.

“Hey, baby!” Ashlyn says happily. “Can’t believe tonight!” She doesn’t want to jinx it, but today has been even better than the grand opening she always dreamed of and there are only a few more hours left to go until closing.

“It’s amazing.” Ali agrees. “Things in here are smooth and Oscar and Francine are handling it perfectly, so I’m going to need to borrow you for a little bit.”

“Yeah?” Ashlyn questions. She was planning to pull away Ali for some alone time in a little while herself, but the brunette beat her to it.

“Yep. You, me, and a little quiet time on the beach. We won’t be gone too long, promise.” Ali kisses her on the cheek.

“Ok. Just let me grab my backpack in case I need my jacket that’s in there.” Ashlyn smiles.

“Meet me out there.” Ali winks and heads out of the kitchen.

“So, you gonna tell me what’s in that bag?” Ashlyn asks as Ali picks a spot on the sand about a hundred yards from the restaurant. It’s close enough that they can hurry back, but far enough to be fairly private.

“Almost.” Ali lays out a small blanket and turns on a tiny battery-powered LED lamp. “Sit and give that leg a rest.”

“I like it when you’re bossy.” Ashlyn teases and sits down, admittedly happy to stretch her leg out a bit. “But I suck at surprises…tell me, tell me.” She whines and points to the bag Ali has been carrying this whole time and wouldn’t let her help with.

“Such a baby.” Ali sits down next to her and pinches her cheek before getting serious. “I hope it’s okay that I pulled you away for a bit. I just wanted you to take a minute to reflect on tonight and how much went into it… to step back and enjoy it and be proud. Look at what you did baby. You did this…for him, for you. You’re amazing.” She leans in for a soft kiss.

“You’re the amazing one.” Ashlyn returns the sentiment. “I couldn’t have done any of this without you, Alex. I mean it. Thank you.” She wraps an arm around Ali’s shoulders and pulls her into her side.

“I beg to differ, but I’m so happy to be along on this journey with you.” Ali smiles into Ashlyn’s shoulder.

“Can’t believe we did this. Today has been perfect.” Ashlyn adds as she looks up into the sky above the ocean.

“I can.” Ali says resolutely before reaching over and running a hand over the area under Ashlyn’s left breast. “He’d be so proud of you.”

“Yeah. I think so too.” Ashlyn whispers. “Thank you.” She says again sincerely and leans in for another kiss. “But don’t think that’s getting you out of telling me what’s in the bag.”

“So impatient.” Ali shakes her head. “Well my hot marshmallow, tonight is our first Valentine’s Day together and I knew we’d eventually need a break. So, I cooked you dinner.” Even though she has helped Ashlyn cook dinner or heated them up something to eat, she’s never cooked them a whole meal from scratch by herself. After having Oscar teach her a recipe she could handle this week, she snuck into the kitchen in the condo attached to the restaurant tonight to cook up her creation.

“You did?” Ashlyn asks with raised eyebrows and a little smile.

“Yeah. I know what food means to you and the whole cooking process. I just wanted to make something special for you tonight. It’s not something super fancy, just a dinner.” Ali replies and starts pulling things out of the bag only to be pulled into a passionate kiss.

“I love you so much.” Ashlyn mutters against Ali’s lips as she pulls away, completely touched by the gesture. “And I’m so totally hungry.” She chuckles.

“Thought you might be.” Ali laughs. “Here, try it.” She hands Ashlyn a plate.

It’s not fancy. Just a grilled chicken sandwich with melted Swiss cheese and sautéed vegetables on it. There’s homemade potato chips on the side along with a tangy homemade coleslaw. It’s simple, but Ashlyn knows just how hard Ali must have worked to make it and, if for no other reason than that, it’s one of the best things she’s ever eaten.

“Alex, this is wonderful. So, so good! I’m so impressed.” Ashlyn compliments her after trying everything and genuinely finding it delicious.

“You sure?” Ali questions.

“Do I ever lie about food?” Ashlyn raises an eyebrow.

“Never.” Ali smiles happily. “Happy Valentine’s Day, love.”

“Speaking of…” Ashlyn reaches into her backpack, pulling out a small, simple wooden box and handing it to Ali.

“What’s this?” Ali asks with a smile.

“Open it.” Ashlyn instructs.

Ali opens the box and finds what looks to be a pile of envelopes. The first has _‘Open when… You get this gift (aka: now)_ ’ written on it. She looks up at Ashlyn questioningly.

“Follow directions, baby.” Ashlyn smiles and points to the envelope.

Ali nods and opens it up, finding a short little note inside written on an old typewriter.

_Alex,_

_Words mean so much to you. Your world centers around your writing… the thoughts, emotions, and dreams swirling in your mind poured out passionately for others to read and feel in their own way. I love that so much about you. Your bravery and openness in baring parts of your soul just to put words to things others feel but couldn’t express until you wrote them. But you deserve words too. Words that are just for you and no one else. Words that come from a heart that loves you endlessly. So, I wrote you some for when you need them the most. I love you, Alex… more than I have ever loved anything._

_Love,_

_Your Hot Marshmallow_

Ali gives Ashlyn an emotional smile before looking through each envelope in the box. There are more envelopes inside than she realized, each one with the words ‘ _Open when…_ ’ written on top followed by a series of instructions:

_You’re thinking about us_

_You need a laugh_

_You’re nervous_

_You’re worried about me_

_You’re bored_

_You don’t feel beautiful_

_You’re mad at me_

_You’re mad (not at me)_

_You’re afraid_

_You need encouragement_

_You’re stressed_

_You’re lonely ;-)_

_You miss me_

_You need a reason to get out of bed on a tough day_

_You need to know what you mean to me_

_You don’t feel well_

_You’re sad or feeling down_

_You want to feel appreciated_

_You’ve forgotten how strong you are_

_You have moods you can’t handle_

_You need to know just how much I love you_

_You want to give up on us_

_If I go first_

 

Ali frowns a bit at the last two, not even wanting to think about either of those scenarios, but knowing in the back of her mind that she will need these letters more than anything if either of those become a reality.

“Ash…” Ali whispers and finds her favorite hazel eyes. “You’re just… so damn perfect. This is everything. I love you so hard, baby.” She puts her hands behind Ashlyn’s neck and pulls her into a heated kiss that knocks them over. It’s only when hands start to wander just under the hem of shirts and little moans start becoming audible that both of them pull away breathlessly, realizing they can’t get too carried away right now.

“Happy Valentine’s Day, beautiful.” Ashlyn gives the brunette a dimple grinned and strokes her cheek lightly.

“Best ever.” Ali places little kisses along Ashlyn’s jaw.

“I’m sure I can top it.” Ashlyn says cockily.

“Oh yeah?” Ali challenges.

“Yep, next year I’ll crush this year.” Ashlyn pecks the brunette’s lips.

“Good. Cause I can top it too.” Ali plays back.

“You’re on, Hello Kidney.” Ashlyn helps Ali sit back up on the blanket.

“Eat my dust, Kidney Express.” Ali sticks her tongue out and feeds Ashlyn a potato chip.

\----------------------

“Excuse me, is there an outer bathroom here that I could use to freshen up a bit and maybe change clothes? The public one is really far down the beach and I didn’t want to sit down for lunch inside the restaurant in my beach attire.” A woman who looks to be in her thirties asks Ashlyn after approaching the host stand.

“We don’t have an outer bathroom, but you’re welcome to use the one inside. It’s just down this hallway behind the bar area.” Ashlyn points it out. “Feel free to stay in your beach attire if you want to though. It’s totally okay no matter where you’re sitting, inside or outside on the patio.”

“Are you sure? I’d like to freshen up, but I’ll feel really bad if I trail any sand in there.” The woman checks in again.

“Absolutely fine. Don’t worry about it at all. I’m Ashlyn, the owner, and it’s honestly completely okay.” Ashlyn introduces herself and reassures the woman.

“Thank you so much. You guys are so nice in here. I’ve been in three times already since you opened! I’m Lori by the way.” The woman extends her hand out.

“Well thank you so much for being such a loyal customer Lori, we really appreciate it.” Ashlyn shakes the woman’s hand. “Go ahead and get comfortable. I can get your table ready in the meantime if you tell me how many in your party.” She offers and then has Joslyn, the head hostess, prep a table once Lori heads to the bathroom.

It has been a month now since Kaboodle opened and Lori is far from the first person to ask to use the bathroom to change or freshen up. It has been a pretty common request, made dozens of times over the last few weeks, especially during the lunch hours. So far they’ve had solidly busy lunch and dinner rushes every day and the restaurant has been profitable in the first month, something neither Ashlyn nor Ali expected to happen for quite a while.

“You’re good at this.” Joslyn compliments Ashlyn when she gets back from getting the table ready.

“I’m just happy people are coming in here to eat. If that means we clean sand out of the bathroom, so be it.” Ashlyn chuckles nonchalantly.

“Well you and Ali are in here constantly making personal connections with customers. People really dig that, it makes them feel valued.” Joslyn adds before she gets pulled away by another customer coming in.

Ashlyn watches Lori walk out from the bathroom and over to her table, noting that she looks much more cleaned up and clearly refreshed in new clothes. Her mind suddenly races for a few seconds before she feels like she got hit in the face with a brick. “Jos, I’ll be back a little later!” She calls out and heads out the door.

 

“Alex?! Alex?! Baby?!…where are you?!” Ashlyn calls through the large house, desperately searching for the brunette who was staying home today to begin working through her latest round of book edits.

“Ash, what’s the matter?” Ali comes out of the office worriedly, finding Ashlyn halfway up the stairs and totally unable to read the almost wild look on her face, a flush in her cheeks. “What’s wrong, sweetheart? You okay?” She asks with greater concern now.

“I am so much better than okay!” Ashlyn says animatedly. “Al, I think just came up with something huge! We need to get Kyle on the phone!”

“Ash, hey...slow down okay. Come sit.” Ali pulls her frenzied woman into their bedroom and helps her settle on the edge of the bed. “What is going on? Talk to me.”

“You know how we constantly get asked by customers to use the bathroom to change and stuff?” Ashlyn says.

“Yeah.” Ali nods.

“That’s what we need! That’s what we can do with the condo attached to the restaurant!” Ashlyn says excitedly.

“I’m not quite following, baby.” Ali says gently, noting the fiery look in the green-swirled hazel eyes looking into her own.

“Think about it. We open up a space where people can have access to showers and changing areas for a reasonable fee. But I’m talking upscale. We’d provide like high-end shampoo and grooming products. Plus we add a salon to it to offer full hair and styling services and even men’s grooming. We could even have a couple dryers in there to dry beach clothes. Customers could order their lunch and change or get styled while they wait or even get served in there if they want to be. Sky is the limit! We already own the space, just need to remodel it. I was thinking if he wants to, Kyle could take ownership of it. Design it, make it his thing.” Ashlyn gets out in a hurried ramble before all the ideas can leave her mind. She searches Ali’s face for a reaction, but only sees a blank expression. “Sorry…is it crazy? It’s too much, right? I just got excited.” Ashlyn’s shoulders slump a bit.

“Hey, no, no, no!” Ali finally snaps out of her own racing thoughts and holds Ashlyn’s face in her hands. “Baby, it’s fucking brilliant! Like out of this world genius! Holy crap!” She says enthusiastically, a beaming smile lighting up her face. “Sorry, my mind just went wild thinking about it. Oh my god, Ash…this is perfect!”

“You really think so?” Ashlyn asks more seriously.

“Honey, we are gonna blow Miami away with this thing!” Ali replies exuberantly. “Hell, we’re going to start a full on trend!”

“You think Kyle will…” Ashlyn starts to ask but gets cut off.

“I think he’ll be all over it. I can’t be totally sure, but I really think so. Let’s just call him and see. Worst case, we can start looking for someone else and he can suggest people. But regardless, we’re doing this.” Ali says contently and pulls out her phone.

To say that the call goes extremely well is an understatement. Preliminary plans get tossed around excitedly between the three of them and the conversation ends with Kyle saying “Get the runway ready bitches, cause this queen is about to work Miami hardcore! Give me two weeks and I’m there, muah!”

“Wow. I’m so excited but also so overwhelmed. I need to call Josh and figure out an architect and a contractor to get this done for us. We need to decide whether to pay for it outright or get it funded through the bank. We need a new set of permits, licensing, and inspections. There’s like so much to do.” Ashlyn’s mind spins.

“Easy, love. Just relax and enjoy your awesomeness for like a minute, okay?” Ali tries to slow her down.

“Yeah, ok.” Ashlyn concedes and pulls Ali into a hug. “Thanks for not thinking I was nuts.”

“Nuts?! Ashlyn Harris, you’re fantastic, incredible, and amazing! I love you and that inventive mind of yours.” Ali pulls back from the hug and gives her girl a devilish smile. “It’s really sexy.” Her voice gets lower.

“I told Jos I’d only be gone a little while and it’s already been an hour.” Ashlyn warns her.

“Absolutely not.” Ali runs her fingers up the back of Ashlyn’s neck.

“Baby, I have to be back to help get ready for dinner service.” Ashlyn tries again even though her plea is totally weak at this point with that look Ali is giving her, the one that makes her body break out in goosebumps.

“And you will…” Ali smirks. “Just not before you’re walking funny.” She pushes Ashlyn onto the bed firmly and hovers over her.

“Fuck…” Ashlyn whispers, already wet enough to need a change of underwear.

“Exactly.” Ali doesn’t waste another second, kissing her hard before nibbling down her neck and working her shirt off so fast that Ashlyn doesn’t even know how it happened. She has them both naked in no time, her body straddling Ashlyn’s hips.

“Alex…god, baby…yessss…” Ashlyn moans loudly as Ali literally feasts on her chest. The brunette hasn’t moved from her nipples in at least ten minutes and she’s not sure how much more she can take before she comes just like this. Her nipples are rock hard, slightly red, and sensitive, but she holds Ali’s head there firmly unable to get enough of the warm mouth and soft tongue lavishing attention on her sweet spot. “Al…I’m gonna come soon, like so soon…unnh…so fucking good.”

“God I love your chest…mmmm.” Ali moans and licks Ashlyn’s nipple for a few more seconds before lifting her head and going in for a sloppy kiss. “And your mouth, I can’t get enough of your mouth.” She says huskily after letting Ashlyn’s tongue slip from between her lips.

“Mmmm, is that all?” Ashlyn mumbles cockily while trying to catch her breath for the few seconds that Ali is gently sucking just behind her ear.

“Shhhh.” Ali shushes her and drags her teeth lightly down her girl’s jaw, simultaneously dragging a hand down between her legs and sinking two fingers in down to the knuckles.

“Oh holy shit, yesss.” Ashlyn gasps out at the way Ali’s fingers slip into her so easily and immediately get so deep inside. “Fuck, baby…you feel so good…please…” She begs, her body already squirming against the bed, hips pinned down by the perfect weight of the brunette on top of her.

“Open your eyes.” Ali demands softly, maintaining her slow steady thrusts and waiting for Ashlyn to look at her. “You like that?” She asks when lustful hazel eyes finally stare into hers, getting a loud moan in return. “You like the way I fuck you, Ash?” She asks in a thick voice, her pace picking up just a little bit. “You like when I make you mine?”

“Yes...fuck, fuck…yes, I love how you feel inside me… don’t stop.” Ashlyn pleads in a breathless whimper as her eyes roll back a bit, her body starting to quake as fingers press against her walls in the perfect spot. Vulgar and dominant Ali is a more recent discovery as the two of them find new desires and turn-ons in their comfort and ease with each other that they didn’t even know they had before. Ashlyn never thought in a million years she’d like someone so completely in control of her like this. She was so very wrong. “Fuck…I’m…yours…Alex…I’m…oh fuck…” Her short fingernails dig into the back of Ali’s shoulders desperately as her body clenches and she comes totally undone in a series of loud moans and expletives.

“Yes, Ash… I love watching you come. So gorgeous.” Ali holds her close and whispers in her ear, keeping her fingers moving very slowly to help her come down. “I love you.” She says more tenderly when she feels Ashlyn’s lips leaving little kisses on the side of her face and strong hands stroking up and down her back.

“I love you too.” Ashlyn whispers back and hugs Ali tightly for a minute before suddenly flipping them over, hearing the brunette let out a surprised little squeal. “My turn.” She smirks as she hovers over her and goes right in for a deep kiss. If she’s learned anything about Ali, it’s that she likes to give up control as much as she likes to take it.

“Ohhh, that’s it baby… yes, unnnh” Ali body squirms as Ashlyn pins her hands to the bed and lightly bites one of her nipples and then soothes it with her tongue after leaving open-mouthed kisses along her neck and collarbones. “Fuck… hurry…” She begs as she feels the pressure building in her core.

“I got you.” Ashlyn quickly kisses her way down Ali’s torso and settles between her legs, entwining both of Ali’s hands in hers to hold them there and intensify the moment. She knows exactly what her girl is after, plunging her tongue into her deeply without warning before moving up to lightly suck her clit. She watches Ali’s back arch off the bed with a loud moan, her face already completely coated in the brunette’s sweet wetness. “You taste so damn good, so, so good.” She moans into Ali’s wet soaking folds, plunging her tongue in deep again and swirling it around.

“Oh my…god… Ash, yes… right…there… oh god…” Ali’s moans quickly turn into pleasure-filled screams as everything starts to tighten. She grips Ashlyn’s hands so hard that both of their fingers are white as her body gets ready to let go. Her visions starts to go black and then everything suddenly stops as Ashlyn pulls away. “Ugh, nooo…why…” Ali mumbles incoherently in a whine.

“Trust me, beautiful. It’ll be worth it.” Ashlyn quickly moves to settle in behind the brunette and reaches around her, fingers quickly finding her hot core again and rubbing light patterns on her clit while her other hand works a nipple.

“Mmmm, god yes…” Ali moans out in approval, letting her body climb back up to the release she was so close to.

Ashlyn keeps steadily working the brunette’s swollen bud until she feels her body start quivering slightly again, moving down to enter her slowly with two fingers while her mouth goes to gently suck on the most sensitive spot on Ali’s body…the back of her neck.

“Ashlyn! Yes baby, yes, yes, yes…oh shit…” Ali pushes her body back into Ashlyn further, giving herself over completely. Her leg goes back to rest over Ashlyn’s hip so she can get deeper, immediately feeling the delicious new pressure in the bottom of her belly. “So good baby… Ash…so fucking good. Yes baby… fuck me harder…you’re so damn good…” Ashlyn’s body is wrapped around her, covering her so securely. It’s incredible beyond words. Everything blurs, Ashlyn’s touches all over her skin…all she can do is beg as her muscles tighten again. “Harder… god, Ash… fuck me harder… so hard I can still feel you later tonight. Fuck, just like that… ” She moans raggedly, everything trembling and spinning now as Ashlyn complies.

Ashlyn loses herself completely in the brunette, both of them just one sweaty, hot mess moving together in unison. “You’re so damn beautiful…most beautiful thing in the world.” She whispers hotly in Ali’s ear, her arm starting to cramp from the hard and fast pace. “Let go, baby… come for me, Alex.” She sucks hard enough to leave a mark on the back of her neck and feels her body spasm. She stills her fingers and holds her girl close as she tumbles over the edge, her name leaving Ali’s lips over and over again in a whisper.

They stay like that for a few minutes before they both roll onto their backs, both still a bit winded and completely spent.

“How did I ever live without that for so long?” Ali is the first to finally break the silence.

“I have no idea, I ask myself that all the time.” Ashlyn smiles and rolls to face Ali, running her hand along the brunette’s side and then down her arm, tracing the two scars on her forearm before pulling her hand to her mouth and kissing her palm sweetly. “Does matter though… we’re here now.”

“We’re here now.” Ali repeats with a smile and leans in to kiss her slowly, tenderly, bringing their deep love to the center of everything after all the physical intensity. “Thank you.” She whispers as she pulls back.

“For what?” Ashlyn questions.

“For making me a part of your dream, and now bringing my family into it too.” Ali replies, letting the magnitude of what this new project will mean for both them and Kyle really hit her.

“A wise woman once told me ‘you are my dream’. “ Ashlyn repeats the brunette’s own words back to her and kisses her softly.

“You are way too smooth.” Ali lightly taps her nose.

“Maybe.” Ashlyn smirks. “But I’m also way too late.” She groans as she looks at the clock and sees that dinner service starts in less than an hour.

“I guess I technically am too.” Ali giggles, realizing she had said she’d be around for dinner too. “Come on, love. Quick shower and we’ll ride in together.”

“Mmmm, okay.” Ashlyn nuzzles into Ali’s neck for a second and leaves a couple kisses there before pulling back to look at her. “How on earth am I supposed to look at you across the room tonight and not soak through my pants at the thought of this afternoon?” She playfully raises an eyebrow.

“You’re not and you’re welcome.” Ali winks and quickly pecks her lips before getting up. “Get a move on, hot marshmallow.”

“Right behind you, Hello Kidney.” Ashlyn shakes her head with a laugh.

\---------------

“Ladies, this is beautiful. It’s wonderful.” Gram reaches across the table to hold one of Ali’s and Ashlyn’s hands. “He would love this so much. Not only did you make his vision come alive, you truly surpassed it. Kit, you really did this. I’m so proud.”

“It’s really something, sprout. The food, the way the place looks, the people who work here… just marvelous.” Gramp adds sweetly and smiles at both women. “What a team you are. It truly feels like he’s here… a little piece of him in everything you’ve done.”

It’s their first time visiting Kaboodle. They had seen the space back during Christmas when it was still a work in progress, but they hadn’t been able to come see to finished product until this April visit. Ashlyn had been sending them pictures and telling them all about it, but it wasn’t quite the same. The former basketball player spent the last two days changing her mind endlessly about where she should seat them for lunch and what to suggest from the menu, creating little lists of things she wanted to show them so she didn’t forget. Ali had finally sat her down the night before they arrived and told her to just calm down and let them experience it, convinced her that it would be perfect on its own. Of course, she had been right.

Gram and Gramp had quietly taken it all in with a smile, choosing to sit outside which Ashlyn had anticipated. If Chris was here, that’s where he would have chosen to sit. No frills and a view of the water. Gram had let herself live on the wild side, trying Oscar’s version of chicken and waffles with bananas and bacon and then opting to try the chocolate jalapeno dessert that has become a menu staple since they opened. Knowing that Ashlyn had created it with him in mind, Gramp stayed true to a modern twist on one of his favorite dishes, an apple meatloaf wrapped in bacon with loaded mash potatoes and tempura fried green beans, before choosing the simple vanilla ice cream with olive oil drizzle dessert.

The two women had happily and a bit nervously watched them look everything over and eat their lunch, dying to know what they thought. When Gram had smiled widely and reached for both their hands after the meal, each of them finally relaxed.

“Thank you. It means so much to hear you say that.” Ashlyn replies with a huge grin. “It feels like a dream sometimes.” Her eyes dart to Ali who matches the loving look.

“That’s because it was one, sprout.” Gramp chuckles. “And now it’s a remarkable reality. We really are proud.”

Ashlyn is about to respond when she sees the manager trying to get her attention, an apologetic look on her face. “Looks like Francine needs me for something, be back in just a minute. I’m sure it won’t take long.”

“Well don’t keep her waiting, Kit. You have a business to run and we can’t move for at least another hour after all that food. Go on.” Gram says playfully.

“I’m so happy you like the place. It really does mean a lot to her. To me too.” Ali speaks up after Ashlyn goes inside.

“She never could have done this without you.” Gramp says seriously, but with a warm smile.

“No, she definitely would have. She’s amazing like that. She so determined and brave in her decisions. I really love that about her.” Ali attempts to deflect the focus on her.

“Actually, he’s right.” Gram pipes up and motions to her husband. “I don’t get to tell him that often, but he’s right on this one, Bumble.” She laughs lightly and gets a little glare from Gramp before getting serious.

“My Kit knows what exactly she wants, but she always struggles to be confident enough to get there. She has trouble believing in herself enough to not let the doubts keep her from moving forward. The only exception to that was always basketball. There she was a different person entirely for some reason. You’re right that she might have accomplished this eventually, but not like this. She would have fought herself the whole way, struggled for years to pull it all together because she wouldn’t have the confidence to settle on decisions. It’s something we always worried about, how this whole restaurant thing would go. The two of them together would have been great, but her alone… we agonized over how it would go when it came down to it. Lucky for us, you came along.”

Ali nods, not sure what to say and glad when Gramp starts talking.

“That’s what her brother really did for her that no one else could. He pulled out the best things in her, made her see them too, and got her to believe in herself. He pushed her without pushing…just supported her in every way and let her shine when her own confidence came out.” Gramp rests his hand on Ali’s arm and looks at Gram.

“And that's exactly what you do for her, Bumble. The same thing he did. And you don’t even realize just how much she needs that to thrive because it comes so naturally in the way you love her. We couldn’t be more appreciative.” Gram smiles.

“She does it for me too.” Ali says softly, completely touched. “I’ll do it always, you know. I’ll never stop believing in her, supporting her, loving her with everything I have.” She promises them.

“Oh we know that, sweet Bumble. Just wanted you to know how much you mean to us and remind you just how much of a part of our family you are. We love you, honey.” Gram says warmly.

“Love you guys too.” Ali returns the sentiment with an emotional smile.

“Besides, someone has eventually to beat our family wedding anniversary record of 56 years and counting.” Gramp laughs. “We set the bar pretty damn high.” He reaches for Gram’s hand.

“I do like a challenge.” Ali smiles, her stomach doing a happy little flip at the thought that such a perfect couple believes she and Ashlyn can rival them.

“Well then bring it on, Bumblebee.” Gramp challenges.

\--------------

“Hi there, beautiful!” Ashlyn finishes rinsing out her coffee mug as Ali walks into the kitchen.

Ali smiles and kisses her soundly before returning the greeting. “Mmmm. Hi love. I’ll take another one of those please.” She leans in again.

“Not until you tell me how my super organ is doing, Hello Kidney.” Ashlyn sits on the counter and pulls Ali into the space between her legs. “Really, how did it go at the doc?”

“Your super kidney is just like you, strong, reliable, and hardworking…and also sexy. It’s perfect.” Ali leans in to get her kiss.

“A kidney is sexy? Gross, Al.” Ashlyn scrunches her nose.

“When you didn’t have one for as long as I did, nothing looks sexier than a healthy kidney on a renal scan, trust me. Plus it’s _your_ kidney, so extra sexy.” Ali giggles and buries herself into Ashlyn’s neck.

“If you say so, weirdo.” Ashlyn teases and hugs her tight. “Happy 8 months, Alex.”

“Happy 8 months to you too, love.” Ali’s hand finds its way under Ashlyn’s shirt and rests along the longer scar under her belly button.

The 8-month mark post kidney transplant is a big one with the rejection rate being very minimal beyond this point. If Ali felt pretty good soon after the surgery, she feels like a million bucks now. It has been odd to settle back into a routine that hasn’t been the norm since before she was 18 years old, one where she feels healthy and isn’t constantly thinking about kidney treatment. With Ashlyn completely recovered now too, the two of them gave gotten into a workout regimen together and stay pretty mindful of eating well. Sure they both still have more medical appointments than the average person, especially Ali, but it’s nothing compared to everything they’ve gained.

“So, how do you want to celebrate? We could take the kiddo-neys on a drive up the coast or rent a boat and hit the water for while?” Ashlyn suggests with a laugh.

“I wish.” Ali sighs and leaves a couple kisses along Ashlyn’s jaw. “I only get a couple of hours to play this morning. I really have to get going on this last round of book edits, Margie is up my ass about it.” She cringes at the thought of the dozens of voicemails and emails from her editor this week.

“Bummer. I was gonna take the whole day off and everything. Rain check for next week?” Ashlyn asks hopefully.

“Absolutely. We really need a day to ourselves to just relax ASAP.” Ali agrees, not even able to remember the last time they haven’t spent most of the day at the restaurant or that she hasn’t been working on her book. “In the meantime though, I have a couple celebratory ideas in mind.” She kisses down Ashlyn’s neck and lightly sucks her pulse point.

“Think I’m really gonna like these ideas of yours…keep talking.” Ashlyn feels her body break out in goosebumps when Ali’s mouth finds the spot behind her ear.

“Nope, no more talking.” Ali smirks and pulls Ashlyn into a heated kiss, tongues immediately dueling as a soft moan purrs through her throat. Her fingertips are just finding their way under Ashlyn’s sports bra when the door swings open.

“Porn alert!!! Ah my innocent eyes!” Kyle screams out dramatically to tease them as they pull apart with a groan.

“It’s called a doorbell, Ky.” Ali rolls her eyes and gives Ashlyn an apologetic peck on the lips.

“You’re the ones who gave me a key.” Kyle shrugs as he grabs an apple out of the fruit bowl on the counter.

“One second you have a brilliant business idea, the next second you have the biggest diva of them all busting in on your private time and eating all your food.” Ashlyn jokes. Even though Kyle has been in Miami for a month now and has his own apartment downtown, he’s constantly at their house.

“You love every minute, all-star.” Kyle sasses back.

“Only cause you look a lot like her…and she’s beautiful.” Ashlyn motions to Ali who closes the distance between them for another quick kiss.

“So much for an apple a day keeping the dentist away. With you two around I have more cavities than ever.” Kyle rolls his eyes at them. “Sooo, what are we doing this morning? Looked to me like we were rounding second base when I walked in.”

“Not anymore thanks to you.” Ali balls up a napkin and throws it at him.

“Guess we’re settling for a solid double this morning and working on the grand slam later, baby.” Ashlyn whispers in her ear before turning back to Kyle. “So what brings you by besides stealing our food again?”

“For the record, you may have been whispering, but that look on her face tells me that you just sex-talked my sister in front of me. So not subtle.” Kyle motions to the little flush on Ali’s cheeks and smirks at Ashlyn now turning a bit red herself. “Annnyway sex fiends, I came by to go over the final timeline estimate with you.” He pulls a folder out of his messenger bag.

“What’s the update?” Ashlyn gets serious and gets off the counter, going over to have a look at the paperwork. With Josh’s connections, they had found a contractor willing to remodel the condo attached to the restaurant into a salon-like space to Kyle’s design specifications; one who agreed to work early morning hours that won’t disrupt the restaurant business and for a pretty reasonable price too.

“Right now, it’s looking like mid-August for an opening.” Kyle replies.

“That’s better than I thought.” Ali pipes up, thinking they’d be lucky to get this off the ground by the end of the year.

“Yeah, not bad at all.” Ashlyn agrees. “How do you feel about it? I know that’s still a few months from now. Are you stressed about the lag time?” She asks Kyle, keenly aware that he just dropped everything he had going in D.C. to come do this with them.

“Nah. I know some people down here and I’ll hopefully get some in-home clients going for a bit to keep myself active. Plus, if this is going to work the way I envision it, I really need to find another stylist or two to work with me. It’s just over three months, I’ll find plenty things to keep me occupied.” Kyle answers honestly.

“Enough things to keep you out of our kitchen I hope.” Ali shoots him a look.

“So grumpy when you don’t get your morning quickie.” Kyle goads her.

“Easy, you two.” Ashlyn stops them right there before a kitchen sink water fight ensues and she’s the one who ends up with a soaked t-shirt, just like last week. “Back to matter at hand. So, mid-August. Gonna be a little tricky with us being in D.C. for that ribbon cutting over Labor Day weekend. That seems too close to the opening to be gone a few days.”

Although the two women have been too busy getting the restaurant off the ground to properly launch the charitable foundation they envision to support kidney donors and recipients, they haven’t exactly been static on that front either. Using some of the profits from the restaurant, they have been the most substantial donors in a project that will upgrade the operating room of the D.C. hospital where they underwent their procedure with state-of-the-art robotic surgery equipment. Their special guest invitation for the ribbon cutting ceremony of the new surgery suite came last week.

“No problem at all. This isn’t my first salon rodeo, all-star. I can handle it on my own and Oscar and Francine will have no trouble handling the restaurant as you know.” Kyle waves her off.

“You sure?” Ali checks again.

“Definitely! Besides, with all you two have done for that surgical center, you have to be there.” Kyle assures them.

“Settled then. ETA of our next round of marvelous madness: Mid-August. Let’s make it happen.” Ashlyn signs the owner’s signature on the work permit that needs to get filed this week and hands it to Kyle.

“Boom.” Kyle fist bumps her.

“So exciting!” Ali gives Kyle a quick squeeze before groaning. “Can’t believe I have to spend the rest of the day working.”

“Speaking of, I better shower and get myself over to the restaurant to help Oscar with lunch. You want to come with and hang out?” Ashlyn looks at Kyle.

“Heck yeah, you guys feed me like a king in there!” Kyle says animatedly.

“Cool, give me like 30 minutes and we can ride in together.” Ashlyn says and then turns to give Ali a quick kiss before heading upstairs.

Kyle follows Ashlyn out of the kitchen and plops down on the living room couch, grabbing the remote control and flipping through the channels. “Project Runway rerun?” He looks at Ali for approval.

“As much as I’d love to, I should probably get to work.” Ali smiles apologetically. “I’ll see you tonight for dinner I’m sure.”

“You know it.” Kyle replies and waves as she heads up the stairs. He smiles to himself as he sees her feet go right at the top of the stairs to where the master bedroom is instead of left. “You’re office is on the left you fucking liar!” He yells out and sees her feet come to halt. “Go work it hard, you saucy little minx and tell all-star I’ll meet her there.” He laughs loudly at the groan he hears from the top of the stairs and quickly heads out the door.

\---------------------

Ashlyn towel dries her hair after a long and lazy shower, happy that she and Ali are finally getting in a day doing absolutely nothing together after so many weeks of non-stop working. She stands in front of the mirror and quickly looks herself over before her hand finds its routine spot over her brother’s name. “You live in the heart you left behind. Today is for us.” She whispers her usual words.

“Hearts.” Ali pipes up and hugs her from behind.

“Hmmm?” Ashlyn questions in a hum, a bit lost.

“Hearts.” Ali repeats again and kisses the top of Ashlyn’s shoulder. She’s quietly watched Ashlyn do this every morning that they’ve been together, never saying a word or drawing attention to the fact that she’s there and listening until now. It made her tear up the first few times, and even though it still touches her deeply, she’s gotten used to it.

“Plural.” Ali continues and turns Ashlyn around in her arms. “Mine is yours.” She puts Ashlyn’s palm over her heart. “Yours is mine.” She presses her hand to Ashlyn’s chest. “He has two hearts living for him now. Two really strong, really big hearts.” She says simply and leans in for a soft kiss.

“What did I ever do to deserve you?” Ashlyn asks emotionally.

“You love me completely… all you ever had to do was love me.” Ali smiles.

“I do love you completely and unconditionally. Love you to the moon and back.” Ashlyn says earnestly.

“I know. I love you exactly that way too, Ash.” Ali kisses her slowly again. “Gotta say that the kidney sure didn’t hurt your chances with me either though, marshmallow.” She winks and heads into the shower. “Any chance I could get an omelet for breakfast from my favorite chef?”

“You can have anything you want, beautiful.” She calls back and leans her head against the tile wall of the bathroom to collect herself. “Absolutely anything you want.” She whispers with a smile, feeling like everything is right in the world.

 

“You finished that already?!” Ashlyn asks incredulously as she settles next to Ali on the oversize chaise on their deck after breakfast.

“Huh?” Ali says in confusion.

“Didn’t you just buy that book like three days ago at the store?” Ashlyn motions to the book in Ali’s hands, seeing the brunette with just a couple pages left.

“Oh, no. Just getting started on it.” Ali replies matter-of-factly.

“But you’re at the end.” Ashlyn points out.

“Yep.” Ali smiles and lets out a little sigh, surprised it took this long for them to get to this. “So, I actually always read the last chapter of a book first…or the last paragraph of an article first.” She explains.

“Really? Why?” Ashlyn inquires curiously.

“I just… with the way life has been for me… I always worried that I’d die before I knew what happened in a story. So, I got used to reading the end first so that I’d know and then I could read my way towards it. It actually really changes the perspective on the whole thing. There’s something really freeing about starting at the end of an adventure to really begin it, you know?” She shrugs. “Sorry, that’s really morbid.” She adds a bit more shyly.

“Don’t be sorry.” Ashlyn smiles at her and tilts her chin up to lock onto her eyes. “You are a beautiful soul, Alex. And I love every little piece of you, morbid and all. I actually think that’s really philosophical.” She pecks her lips as she files away the new information, an idea already sparking in her mind.

“I love you too, sweetheart.” Ali leans her head on Ashlyn’s shoulder. “Thanks for not thinking I’m weird.”

“Baby, if you’re weird, then I’m downright bizarre and from another planet.” Ashlyn chuckles and rests her head on Ali’s.

“Perfect match.” Ali giggles.

“Perfect match.” Ashlyn repeats and flips to the last chapter of her own book to give it a try.

\------------------

“Ash, baby… we’re so late! We’re supposed to be at the restaurant by 8am today for the salon inspection, what are you doing?” Ali calls up the stairs after Ashlyn fails to come down for breakfast.

“Showering. I’m done.” Ashlyn says cheerily as she walks down the stairs and pecks Ali on lips. “Hi. You look really nice, but go change into something more comfortable.”

“What? Why?” Ali asks completely befuddled. “And why are you wearing sweatpants? What is even happening right now?” She asks in a demanding groan at having just noticed her girl’s very casual attire.

“Because we’re not going to the restaurant today. Just relax, trust me, and go change into something really comfortable. Like Netflix and chill comfortable, ok?” Ashlyn smiles sweetly.

“I’m so lost. Where are we going? What about the inspection? Why are you being weird?” Ali spits out questions in confused concern.

“Baby, really, relax.” Ashlyn kisses her softly. “We’re going to the airport to catch a flight. Kyle is handling the inspection. Everyone is handling everything, I promise you. All under control. Just go get changed.”

“But where are we…” Ali starts and gets cut off.

“Alex, just trust me and go get changed.” Ashlyn rubs the top of her shoulders encouragingly.

“Ok.” Ali sighs, not liking being so out of the loop, but completely trusting her girl.

 

“So, how are we going to go somewhere…on a flight no less, if I haven’t packed a thing?” Ali asks as she buckles herself into Ashlyn’s Jeep.

“Kyle and I packed everything you need, baby. It’s all in the back. Really, all you have to do is go with it.” Ashlyn smiles cockily. “And I thought I was bad at surprises.” She teases a bit.

“Alright, alright. You’re lucky I trust you, marshmallow.” Ali finally relents and just chills out. “Thank you, baby… for whatever this is.” She leans over the console and kisses Ashlyn’s jawline a couple times before they get going.

Ali can only be simultaneously shocked and amused when Ashlyn pulls out their passports and paperwork at the airport, the final destination on the boarding pass indicating Argentina. She smiles as they settle into their very comfy first-class seats on the plane and feels Ashlyn take her hand.

“Ready to start seeing the world, beautiful?” Ashlyn asks with a dimpled grin.

“Can’t wait, love.” Ali leans in to capture her lips. She’s practically bursting with curiosity, trying to just enjoy the surprise while also trying to figure out why Argentina. If this is the start of their traveling the world together, she would have bet on it being somewhere in Europe or to see one of the wonders of the world that Ashlyn has promised to take her to, or even somewhere tropical. Argentina wouldn’t even have been a thought in her mind.

After flying almost the whole day, they land in Buenos Aires at around 9pm local time. Ashlyn gets them checked into a fancy hotel, quickly dropping their bags in the room before taking Ali out to a nice dinner nearby.

“Have you been here before?” Ali asks after watching Ashlyn adorably put together enough crude words in Spanish with the help of her phone to order their dinner, still trying to figure this all out.

“Nope, never.” Ashlyn replies simply and leaves it at that.

Ali just nods, knowing the mysterious reply means there must be more to this and that Ashlyn will only reveal exactly what it is when she needs to know. She resolves herself to just enjoying herself until then.

They go on a little stroll through a beautiful well-lit park near the hotel before they head back to the room and settle into bed snuggling in close, both of them exhausted from the long traveling day.

“So, do I get to know why you picked here?” Ali’s earlier resolve breaks a bit as her curiosity gets the best of her again.

“You do. But only when we get to our final destination.” Ashlyn lightly strokes her back.

“Oh, we’re not staying here?” Ali inquires.

“Nope. We have another flight in the morning, tonight is just a layover. The next flight is much shorter though.” Ashlyn replies casually.

“Full of surprises, aren’t you?” Ali leaves a kiss on the top of her bare chest and reaches up to tap her nose.

“You know it, Hello Kidney. Urine for some fun.” Ashlyn chuckles.

“Ha, look at you, dork!” Ali laughs. “Strutting your stuff like a _pee_ cock.”

“Oh good one, my queen of lame!” Ashlyn laughs harder. “Sleep, baby. We have a long day tomorrow.”

“Mmm’kay.” Ali yawns and closes her eyes. “I love you, Ash.”

“Love you too, beautiful.” Ashlyn closes her own eyes and keeps running her hand through Ali’s hair.

 

After another 4 hour flight, they land in Ushuaia, Argentina and Ali is still just as lost as before about the reason behind it. Still, the place is breathtaking… a mountainous region sitting right on the ocean with quaint and artistic little houses dotting the landscape. And it’s cold, so cold. Unlike Buenos Aires which was hovering around a comfortable 60 degrees, it’s easily below 20 degrees here and it’s high noon. Ashlyn is prepared though, pulling puffy warm coats out of their bags along with winter hats and gloves.

Ali can only gasp in complete awe when Ashlyn checks them into the Los Cauquenes Resort and Spa. Their room is huge, luxurious, very private, and has glass walls and ceilings that give them a completely unobstructed view of the ocean with huge snowy mountains on the horizon. The place is honestly fit for royalty.

“So, do I get to know yet?” Ali questions with still hooded eyes after they break from a slightly heated make-out session in the middle of their hotel room.

“Mmmm, almost.” Ashlyn leans in for one more lingering kiss. “We’re here for 5 days, but I just want us to get a real feel for it together first and check it out a bit today before I get to that part.”

“You’re lucky I’m patient.” Ali teases.

“It’ll be worth it.” Ashlyn assures her.

“It already is, love.” Ali replies sweetly and kisses her deeply again.

Less than an hour later, they are onboard an old-fashioned steam train that for the next two hours takes them through the mountains and alongside ocean cliffs. The views are beyond awe-inspiring.

Ali takes in what has to be some of the most beautiful scenery she has ever seen as she cuddles closely into Ashlyn’s side while they both look out the window a bit stunned by it all. She steals a few kisses when no one is looking, feeling like this has to be one of the most romantic things in the world. Well, that is until they get back from the train ride and Ashlyn finds them a private little dock on the water to sit on not too far from the hotel.

“You can ask now.” Ashlyn nudges Ali and smiles, tucking the brunette close into her side to help keep her warm as they sit next to each other. The temperature is dropping quickly as the day winds down, but she wants to do this in a spot where all you can see is ocean for miles.

“This place is so beautiful, and so unexpected. Today was incredible. You’re incredible.” Ali leans in to kiss her. “What a great place to start our world traveling. Thank you, love. It seems like a random choice, especially since you’ve never been here before, but I know it’s not. So, I’m wondering about the significance behind it.”

Ashlyn turns herself to face the brunette to begin explaining. “This is Ushuaia, Argentina.” She starts matter-of-factly even though Ali already knows that now. “It is the southernmost point on the planet. Well, the southernmost civilized point that you can travel to anyway. It’s known as ‘The End of the World’.” She pauses and looks out over the endless ocean. “Beautiful isn’t it?”

“Really is.” Ali agrees.

“Not nearly as beautiful as you though.” Ashlyn grins.

“Such a fucking charmer with those perfectly set-up one-liners. You are a master of your craft, marshmallow.” Ali giggles and kisses her.

“Well it’s true.” Ashlyn says adamantly.

“You’re too much.” Ali slaps her arm lightly and keeps her eyes on green-swirled hazel for a few silent seconds.

“You were right.” Ashlyn breaks the silence.

“About what?” Ali asks.

“That there is something really freeing about starting at the end. Not a single day in life is guaranteed, not even a single second. We never know what’s coming. So why not know the end when we can and then enjoy the journey there. You’re brilliant, and so right about that.” Ashlyn smiles at her lovingly. “So this is the end.”

“The end?” Ali says, still trying to full grasp what she’s getting at.

“Yeah. I thought we’d start our traveling adventures right here, at The End of the World. And then enjoy the hell out of our journey together to get back here. Cause we never know…but at least we’ve seen the end of the world together now. And then from here, we’ll travel to see everywhere else we can, just like I promised you.” Ashlyn presses her forehead to Ali’s. “Happy Birthday, Alex. I love you to the end of the world and back.

“Ashlyn…” Ali murmurs emotionally, the only thing she can manage because she’s at a complete loss for words. She closes her eyes because her heart is racing and it’s making her a little dizzy, the same effect Ashlyn has always had on her. She was so wrong before, this right here is the most romantic thing in the world and nothing can top it.  It’s July 28th, it’s her birthday. In all the traveling, she completely forgot. The love inside is so intense she feels like she might explode. She feels Ashlyn’s hands on her cheeks and the touch steadies her, grounds her. She takes a deep breath, eyes opening to find green-swirled hazel again before the words pour out in a whisper. “I love you with everything I am, Ashlyn Harris. I’ll love you forever. Promise me that you’ll love me forever.”

Ashlyn smiles widely and gently strokes the brunette’s cheeks, relaxed and happier in this single moment than she can ever remember being. She’s tempted more than ever right now to reach into her inner jacket pocket for that ring, the one she has carried with her for months just in case. But the date for that is already set and on the horizon now, she just needs to be patient. So, she goes with the next best thing.

“I won’t just promise you that, beautiful… I full-on guarantee it.” She smiles and kisses Ali slowly for a few seconds before pulling back and finding her eyes again. “I love you from the end to the beginning and back to the end again. I’ll love you forever, Alex Krieger. And a day…Forever and a day.” She vows knowing it will be the easiest promise she’ll ever keep.


	16. The Corresponding Heart

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, here we are at the last chapter. If you know my writing, then you'll know that my last chapters are very long (like could be their own novel long) and contain a little bit of everything (sweetness, smut, and a little surprise)...this chapter is no exception. Thank you so much for coming on this little journey with me. I appreciate each and every one of you for reading it and commenting along the way :-)
> 
> I'm planning to add an epilogue to this story so that you know what happened with these two, but I'll warn you right now that it'll take you right down to the very end, so it'll be a little bittersweet. Consider that your warning when choosing whether or not you want to read it. Also let me know if there are particular things you'd like to see or have lingering questions you'd like me to address in the epilogue. That being said, I have a recurring shoulder injury that is slowing down my writing and it may take me a solid week or two to get it written. So, I appreciate your patience.
> 
> Don't forget to leave me a comment on what you thought of the ending!

“Of course.” Ali laughs to herself when she walks into the new salon and finds Kyle dancing around as he belts out Lady Gaga’s ‘Bad Romance’ while he organizes a shelf of grooming products. Their new venture, which Kyle so aptly named _Primp,_ is set to open tomorrow, 4 days ahead of their mid-August estimate.

“Save some of that fancy pants sashaying for the customers. I bet some people would pay extra for that.” Ali teases in a loud voice so he can hear her over the music.

“And I would gladly take their money in exchange for swinging these hips!” Kyle replies and goes over to hug her and then turn down the radio. “Where’s all-star?”

“Patrick, one of the sous chefs, has a 5-year old daughter who is in the hospital for pneumonia. Ash found out about it through the grapevine and told him to go home to be with his family as long as he needs to. So now she’s peeling potatoes to help the kitchen catch up.” Ali explains.

“She’s in a league all her own that woman of yours.” Kyle smiles. “Seriously, she’s like the very definition of gallant.”

“Tell me about it.” Ali agrees with a contented sigh.

“Speaking of…” Kyle leads Ali over to the comfy couch in the little waiting area. “You’ve been back from your trip for almost a week and I haven’t had any time alone with you. So, give me the deets! When she told me what she was planning, I almost swooned to death for you.”

“It was amazing. She is just so unbelievably romantic.” Ali says dreamily. “The things she says to me…and not just says, but so truly and deeply means, you can see it in her eyes and hear it in her tone. The way her touch is so gentle but protective, and my god, the way that woman kisses me. I could live a million lives and never find anything even remotely close to how perfect she is.”

“You’re preaching to the Harris fan club, honey. Fangirl #1 right here!” Kyle points to himself with his thumb. “Now tell me all about the trip!”

Ali laughs lightly and rolls her eyes at him before telling him all about the trip, only leaving out the intimate details that he probably still wants to know but that she’ll never tell him because he can’t be discrete to save his life.

“You know, I actually thought she was going to propose on that little dock when she was telling me why she took me to the End of the World. The way she was looking at me, I thought that might be it…but…” Ali holds up her empty ring finger.

“And you’re answer would have been…” Kyle prompts her with raised eyebrows and a smile.

“Is that really a question?” Ali raises her eyebrows right back at him. “Did we not have a whole conversation about how I wanted a wife that I’m madly in love with? Pretty sure the madly in love with criteria was met ages ago. Just gotta get to the wife part.”

“Just checking.” Kyle sasses. “You could always ask her, you know.”

“I could.” Ali smiles at the thought. “But, let’s be serious. In what universe would I ever surpass the grand romantic gesture that her proposal is sure to be?”

“Never. She’s like Romeo, Prince Charming, Rhett Butler, Mr. Darcy, and Lancelot all rolled into one, and even better because it’s all contained in one unbelievably attractive woman.” Kyle agrees.

“Well, thanks for the vote of confidence… but exactly.” Ali shakes her head at him. “I just feel like maybe she’s going to ask me soon. Everything just feels so much deeper with us lately. The way she looks and me, kisses me, holds me, everything. I can literally feel this little extra intensity in all of it now. I’m babbling, sorry.”

“Babble away, booboo. Or should I say soon-to-be Mrs. Booboo All-star?” Kyle can’t help but tease with a smile.

“Wait a sec, what do you know?” Ali narrows her eyes at him, knowing that little smile on his face usually means he’s hiding something.

“Absolutely nothing. I’m just playing with you because you sound like a smitten schoolgirl.” Kyle teases to cover before getting serious. “Really Alex, you have no idea how it is to see you like this. You’re so teeming with happiness, and you’re over here seriously talking about getting married. It’s just so far from where you were, honey. And I’m just so thrilled for you, positively over-the-moon for you. Also… if you don’t marry her, I will.”

Ali just smiles at him meaningfully and lets out contented sigh before giving him a tight hug. “I really am, you know.”

Kyle pulls away just slightly to look at her.

“Happy.” Ali clarifies. “Really, really happy.”

“I know, Al.” Kyle replies genuinely, but can’t contain his teasing. “Really, we _ALL_ know. You seriously gotta work on suppressing that ‘I just got laid’ face…cause you wear it a lot. It’s like your new mascara!”

“You suck.” Ali lightly swats him.

“I sure do. They say you should stick to what you’re good at.” He winks.

“Gross, Ky!” Ali swats him again.

“Oh please, don’t be all prude. I’m the one who had to hear all that moaning on Christmas night as I tried to bury my head under a pillow in the next room. That Tater-tot casserole was like a damn sex potion for you two. I know it was deliciously cheesy goodness, but geez.” Kyle quirks an eyebrow at her.

Ali blushes for like half a second before realizing that she’s never had this kind of leverage on her brother before. “Yeah well the walls are pretty thick in our house, but there’s no way that was gonna stop the sound when she was doing me so good against that wall. Sorry not sorry.” She smirks at him.

“Ahhhh, no!” Kyle tries to cover his ears. “You suck!” He sticks his tongue out at her.

“Maybe a little, gently though…but mostly I lick.” Ali winks.

“Oh for fuck’s sake, make it stop!” He cringes.

“Oh so you can dish it out, but you can’t take it, huh?” Ali laughs at him.

“Oh honey, I can take it and give it. I’m much better at giving it though.” Kyle winks back.

“Alright, let’s call it a draw before we both can’t eat our lunch.” Ali suggests.

“Deal.” Kyle agrees with a chuckle before getting serious again. “I really am happy for you, Alex. Can’t wait to be your best man. I _am_ your best man, right?” He eyes her playfully.

“You’re my best everything, Kyle. Always have been.” Ali smiles at him and gives him another quick hug. “This place looks fantastic, by the way.” She stands up and turns in a full circle to take in the whole space.

“It does, doesn’t it?” Kyle says cockily. “I am such a fucking whiz at this!”

“I take it all back, Mr. Conceited.” Ali rolls her eyes at him.

“Aleeeex! Tell me I’m a whiz!” Kyle whines jokingly.

“Fine, you’re a whiz. A whiz with a huge head, but still a whiz.” Ali concedes in a playful huff. “Speaking of whiz, I’m gonna go check out one of these fancy bathrooms.”

“I have to admit that it was so much better when you didn’t have to interrupt telling me how awesome I am to go to the bathroom. Ugh fine, go pee so you can sweet talk the all-star into cooking me some amazing lunch.” Kyle sasses.

“You’re going to make us regret this whole salon co-ownership thing, aren’t you?” Ali plays back.

“Absolutely.” Kyle kisses her cheek and pushes her towards the bathroom.

\---------------------

“Al! Another one!” Kyle busts his way into the small office area near the kitchen area of the restaurant.

“Another what?” Ali looks up from the order form she’s working on.

“Another article, Miami Herald this morning!” Kyle holds up the newspaper excitedly, pointing to a picture of the restaurant and salon on the page. “Listen to this…”

_Which sounds better, a relaxing day at the beach or an elegant outing on the town? Why not both?! Thanks to Primp, the latest greatest salon experience right on South Beach, you can have it all. Kaboodle restaurant owners, former professional basketball player Ashlyn Harris and partner Ali Krieger, have made the beach-to-beautiful transition as easy as pie with this new business venture run by Krieger’s brother and master stylist Kyle Krieger. At Primp, you can take matters into your own hands by using the luxurious private bathing suites complete with top notch beauty and styling products or let Kyle and his team of stylists transform your look as little or much as you want. Just pop right in when you’re done with the sun, surf, and sand and get yourself looking fabulous and fresh in no time. And we mean everyone! Men, women, and children all have a place at Primp with unique and wide-range services offered. Of course, it’s not just for beach-goers. From our experience, Primp rivals the top salons in Miami. Pair that with the fact that it’s adjoined to one of the hottest new restaurants on the strip and that you can order anything from Kaboodle’s amazing menu and have it served to you right in your styling chair, and the service cannot be beat. Primp is changing all the rules and leading the way, but don’t take our word for it. Take your salty and sandy self on over there and see for yourself, you can thank us later._

“Oh my gosh, that’s amazing!” Ali squeals happily. The new salon has only been open for a week and a half, but already they’ve seen a steady stream of happy customers and have gotten a good amount of local media attention. This new piece in the widely-read Miami Herald is the best one yet and icing on the cake.

“I know! We’re killing it!” Kyle high-fives his sister. “Speaking of, I better get back over there. Duty calls!”

“Never keep em’ waiting, Mr. Master Stylist.” Ali smiles cheerily and tucks the newspaper under her arm. “I’m gonna go find Ash, she’s gonna flip when she reads this! So exciting!”

“That woman should get a Nobel prize for her sheer genius!” Kyle says animatedly, still clearly buzzing over the article.

“She’s truly the best, but let’s not get carried away there, diva.” Ali pushes him lightly out the door. “Go, go, go, people need primping!”

“When I said you were a boss, this is not what I had in mind.” Kyle sasses before getting flipped off by his sister as he makes his way out through the kitchen.

 

“Hey Oscar, have you seen Ash?” Ali asks after not seeing her in the kitchen or in the dining room.

“Think she’s out back shooting some hoops.” Oscar replies as he plates a sandwich.

Ali nods with a knowing smile. Anytime Ashlyn needs a break or time to think, Ali usually finds her in their yard calmly throwing basketballs into the net. So it came as no surprise when Ashlyn had installed a hoop out behind the restaurant just a couple of weeks after it opened. Something about the simple repetition of her throwing motion seems to center her. Ali has found it soothing just to watch her, Ashlyn’s every move so fluid and tranquil, like second nature.

“Ash?” Ali calls out softly as she approaches the screen door that leads out to the back area where there is a small employee parking lot and a dumpster.

“You are so handsome, you know that? Now if you’d just let me touch you. I swear I don’t bite. Geez, you’re hungry today.” Ashlyn’s voice carries in through the door and makes Ali halt for second at the odd one-sided conversation.

Ali pauses in the doorway with a raised eyebrow, wondering who on earth Ashlyn could be talking to like that. She cranes her head to see better, but her view is blocked off by the dumpster. “Ash?” She calls out a bit more loudly to announce herself.

“Easy, buddy. It’s okay, that’s just Alex and she isn’t gonna hurt you. Keeping eating and I’ll give you some space, okay?” Ashlyn says softly before coming around the dumpster and into view. “Out here, Al. What’s up?”

“Uh…well, it can wait. Who are you talking to?” Ali asks curiously.

“Come on out, just move really slow.” Ashlyn instructs and motions for Ali to follow her.

Ali complies, slowly following Ashlyn around the dumpster and not seeing anything until she hears a little growl near the ground. “Oh my goodness.” Ali’s hand goes to her mouth as she takes a medium sized dog hungrily eating what looks to be their current lunch special off of one the restaurant plates. The dog is mostly a very light tan with a white belly, but the ears, the upper nose, top of the head, and upper back are dark gray. Its eyes are a crystal clear blue. “So cute! Who does it belong to?”

“I have no idea. I saw him for the first time the night we got back from our trip. He was digging through the dumpster back here and looked really hungry. So, I fed him and he’s been back everyday around lunch and dinner. I think he likes our food even more than the customers do.” Ashlyn chuckles. “And he’s handsome… also cute, but so handsome.”

“It’s a he?” Ali asks.

“Yeah, that much I’m sure of.” Ashlyn laughs again.

“Right.” Ali laughs and the dog stops eating to look at her and takes a couple steps back.

“Hey, buddy. It’s okay, I promise she’s not gonna get too close. You’re okay.” Ashlyn coos at the dog who cocks his head and appears to be listening. “This is Alex. Alex, this is Swish.”

“Swish? Is that his name?” Ali asks.

“Well, that’s what I’ve been calling him. Watch this.” Ashlyn grabs the basketball that is on the ground nearby and holds it up for the dog to see. “Ready, bud? Show her what you can do.” She walks over and stands underneath the basketball hoop, holding the ball high so the dog can see it.

Ali watches curiously, the dog’s eyes never leave the ball as he goes to sit about 6 feet in front of the hoop and Ashlyn.

“Ok, ready? Here we…go!” Ashlyn tosses the ball at the dog who leaps and nips at it with his mouth, propelling it into the air and perfectly into the basket.

“Oh my god, that’s amazing!” Ali screeches and claps, making the dog whimper and back away again as he eyes her with uncertainly.

“She’s just excited that you’re so awesome, it’s okay. You can relax.” Ashlyn reassures the dog who slowly goes back to his food. “So cool, right?” Ashlyn grins at the brunette like a toddler who just got praised for putting away all her toys.

“Sooo, let me get this straight.” Ali tries to put it all together. “For just over a week now, you’ve been cooking and feeding a random dog gourmet food off of our restaurant glassware and teaching him how to play basketball. A dog that you named, Swish.”

Um, yeah.” Ashlyn scratches the back of her head and looks down at the ground, realizing how ridiculous it sounds out loud. She’s wondering if this is the moment that Ali is finally going to think she’s completely crazy, but the brunette just lets out a sweet little laugh and pulls her into a hug.

“Just when I thought I couldn’t possibly love you any more…” Ali gently lifts Ashlyn’s chin with her fingers and finds her eyes. “I was wrong.” She leans in for a soft kiss.

“I love you too. Thanks for not thinking I’m crazy.” Ashlyn says a bit shyly.

“For being sweet to a stray dog? That’s not crazy, love. It’s human and it’s kind. Wouldn’t expect anything less from my marshmallow.” Ali lightly strokes her cheek. “The basketball routine you two have going on is debatably odd, but I’m gonna let that one slide because it’s actually pretty cool.” She teases. “You think he’s a stray?”

“I don’t know. He doesn’t have a collar.” Ashlyn replies, something inside feeling very vulnerable at the moment, but also really safe with Ali here.

“Maybe he’s lost.” Ali suggests.

“Yeah.” Ashlyn stuffs her hands into pockets and looks back at the ground. “Or maybe he just doesn’t want to be found.” She shrugs.

It’s in this moment, watching the way Ashlyn shifts her weight nervously from foot to foot and won’t look up after that solemn statement, that it really hits Ali just how deeply the love of her life connects to broken things that have been cast aside. She hurts for them like it was herself, because she’s been there. And even if this dog lives a perfectly happy life in a good home and just sneaks out for extra food, the mere possibility that he’s a loner and doesn’t trust people for a very good reason is enough to make Ashlyn’s heart hurt over it. Everything makes sense now… the way she cooked him fresh meals and didn’t just feed him table scraps, the attempt to gain the dog’s trust and connect with him by taking advantage of his interest in the basketball…she’s trying to lighten this poor dog’s burden in any way she can, even if it means taking on some of it herself.

“Come here.” Ali just hugs Ashlyn close again and rubs her back for a minute until she feels her body relax a bit. “Maybe you’re right and he doesn’t want to be found, but I’m pretty sure he wants to be loved, right? We all do.” She pulls back slightly to find green-swirled hazel and gets a nod. “And you’re already doing a damn good job of that. I know how much love you put into that food.” Ali motions to the plate that the dog is still heartily eating from and finally gets a little smile.

“He’s limping. Has been from the first day, but he won’t let me get close enough to look.” Ashlyn explains a bit defeatedly.

“Yeah, I thought I saw that.” Ali confirms. “Maybe I can try?”

“Sure, it’s worth a shot.  But I doubt he’s going to get any closer. Oscar tried the other day when he came out for a break and Swish took off like a flash.” Ashlyn replies and steps back a bit.

Ali just nods and sits down right there on the floor. “Do me a favor and go grab me some peanut butter.”

“Uh, ok.” Ashlyn replies and quickly makes a trip into the food supply room, coming back out with a small tub of peanut butter and handing it to Ali.

“Hi sweet boy.” Ali says in a gentle voice. “This is a really special treat that every dog I have ever known absolutely loves. Have you ever had it?” She gets the dog’s attention, watching his ears perk up and his head cock to the side. She opens it up and puts a little on her fingers, holding her hand out slowly. “Oh yeah, I think you know exactly what this is.” Ali smiles. “Come on, sweet boy…you’re gonna have to come over to me to get it. I promise I won’t hurt you. I just want to make sure you’re okay. But we’ll just enjoy this treat first and then if you’ll let me, I’ll have a look. But treat first…I promise… come on, that’s it…”

Ashlyn just stands there in awe, watching Ali so patiently sweet talk the dog like he’s human while she sits there on the floor with completely open body language and peanut butter on her hand. You couldn’t put yourself in a more vulnerable position with an animal you don’t know anything about if you tried. It partly makes her nervous, partly makes her fall in love with this woman all over again…but more importantly, it works. It’s only about five minutes before Swish is slowly making his way over to the brunette, seven minutes before he’s happily licking peanut butter off of her hand, and ten minutes before he’s sitting in her lap and licking her face.

“Holy shit…unbelievable.” Ashlyn says in complete shock at what she is seeing.

“Never underestimate my abilities, marshmallow. Pretty sure this is exactly how I got you, just with kidney puns instead of peanut butter.” Ali giggles as Swish licks her face again. “I don’t see anything wrong with his paws.”

“I don’t even know what to say right now.” Ashlyn can’t even process the teasing, just grinning happily at the scene in front of her. “I’m glad he doesn’t have like an infected cut or something. Hopefully he just pulled a muscle and it’ll heal up.”

“Well, let’s find out.” Ali smiles back at her. “You go pull the Jeep around and I’m going to try and see if I can use my peanut butter magic to get him to the vet. We’ll hopefully get him scanned for a chip, check out this leg, and go from there.”

“Ok!” Ashlyn agrees cheerily, hoping with everything she has that this works. “Thank you, Alex.” She leans down to quickly kiss Ali’s cheek.

“You’re welcome, love. Now go get the Jeep before he changes his mind about me.” Ali replies.

“He won’t, trust me. Me and Swish are on the same wavelength about you, beautiful.” Ashlyn winks and heads to get the car.

 

Less than two hours later, Swish is not only newly vaccinated, but also newly adopted once Ashlyn and Ali find out that he has no chip and doesn’t match descriptions of any locally lost pets. It turns out that he’s a Labsky, a Labrador retriever mixed with a Siberian husky, hence his fur color and blue eyes.

He’s about 5 years old and full grown at this medium size, albeit on the smaller size for his breed. He’s pretty healthy despite being underweight and it’s likely that he’s been a stray for a quite a while. The vet determined that he had once broken his leg and it hadn’t been treated properly or even at all, so it had healed poorly and causes the limp which is permanent. There is some scarring on one of his hind quarters that the vet couldn’t determine the cause of one way or another, but it gives Ashlyn all the reason she needs to believe that it’s why he isn’t very trusting of people. All that matters in the end though is that he doesn’t belong to anyone else and now seems to trust both women as the afternoon has gone on, it’s a no brainer that he’s going home with them.

“Sorry I can’t go home with you two. We need the extra help in the kitchen tonight.” Ashlyn looks over at the passenger’s seat and smiles at Swish curled up in Ali’s lap, the brunette holding the sizeable dog as best as she can.

“That’s ok, love. We’ll drop you at the restaurant and you can drive my car home when you’re done. Me and this handsome guy are headed to the pet store for a shopping extravaganza!” Ali strokes the dog behind his ears.

“And there goes our bank account.” Ashlyn teases and gets a light slap to the forearm as she pulls into the Kaboodle parking lot. “Can’t believe we just adopted a dog.” She smiles.

“Me either.” Ali laughs lightly. “I’ve never considered myself impulsive, but ever since you came along…”

“Yep, reckless abandon left and right...what a pair.” Ashlyn laughs in agreement. “But it’s a good kind of reckless, right?”

“The best kind.” Ali confirms and pulls her by the shirt across the console, capturing her lips in a deep kiss. “Love you so fiercely, Ash.”

“Love you more.” Ashlyn winks. “Can’t wait to come home to you two tonight.” She ruffles the top of Swish’s head and ends up getting her hand licked.

“We can’t wait either. Go crush dinner… we’ll be waiting.” Ali leaves another lingering kiss on Ashlyn’s lips and moves to get Swish off of her lap so she can slide into the driver’s seat.

“Bye, beautiful…you too handsome boy.” Ashlyn gives them a quick wave once she’s out of the Jeep, heart feeling so full at today’s turn of events. She’s always wanted a dog, but just never had the lifestyle to even consider adopting one until now. It’s amazing just how quickly everything has changed.

 

With a dinner rush much larger than normal for a Thursday night, Ashlyn is positively beat by the time she gets home around 10pm. Despite the exhaustion, her energy level picks right up as she puts the key into the lock, excited to come home to something so completely new. Still, nothing can truly prepare her for the way she feels at the sight before her when she gets in the door.

Ali is settled into the corner of the couch dressed in her sweatpants and t-shirt, hair thrown into a haphazard bun on the top of her head. Ashlyn loves her like this, just simply as she is with no fanfare…truly beautiful, especially dressed in her clothes. Seeing Ali in her clothes just does things to her. Swish is cuddled up against her, his head resting on her thigh. It’s completely perfect in every way, the woman she loves and the dog that recently stole her heart, both waiting just for her.

“Hi, love.” Ali says happily as Swish perks right up and lets out a little bark at Ashlyn coming into the living room. “You look totally wiped, baby.”

“Pretty much.” Ashlyn smiles. “Doesn’t matter, you two are adorable and I’m so happy to be home.”

“Good, cause we saved you a spot and were waiting for you to get our Netflix on.” Ali reaches over and pats the area next to Swish.

“Oh wow, look at you buddy!” Ashlyn exclaims as she gets closer and sees a dog completely transformed. His fur is fluffy and clean, nails clipped, a stylish red collar sits around his neck, and he smells amazing. “Did you give him a bath?”

“Bath, brushed him for like an hour, puppy pedicure, and a whole line of the very best doggy supplies. Basically the royal canine treatment.” Ali proudly scratches under Swish’s chin. “Such a sweet boy.” She coos at him and gets her face licked.

“You’re the best, Alex. Seriously.” Ashlyn plops herself down and leans over Swish to get a proper kiss from the brunette, only to get her own face licked. “Easy bud, no kisses from you until I get one from her.” She teases and pecks Ali’s lips again. “I’m shocked his collar isn’t pink.”

“I thought about it, but he just looks so good in classic red. Got him a leash to match it, oh and a raincoat!” Ali says excitedly.

“Of course you did, Hello Kidney.” Ashlyn shakes her head with a laugh.

“What? It rains here all the damn time with those thunderstorms!” Ali defends her purchase. “Anyway, I put his crate in the room across the hall from ours, but we can change it if it doesn’t work out. He did fine it in it for a little while this evening, but no idea how he’ll feel being in there longer than that. I got him that food the vet suggested and he ate it all up for dinner. I thought for sure he wouldn’t touch it after you’ve feed him home cooked meals for a week, but I guess he’s just hungry.” She shrugs.

“You’re officially the luckiest pup on the planet.” Ashlyn scratches behind Swish’s ears and along his neck. “Aren’t you glad you ate peanut butter from the pretty lady?” She jokes and feels a collar tag against her hand, grasping it between her fingers to get a better look at it.

_Swish Harris_

_I am loved:_

_305-511-2418_

“You are just…” Ashlyn barely chokes out emotionally and catches Ali’s eyes, not even bothering to finish the statement and just pulling the brunette into a passionate kiss only last as long as Swish can keep himself from licking their faces again. “Everything…you’re everything that is good.” She finishes in a whisper, ignoring the dog’s tongue lapping at her ear.

“Funny, I think the same about you.” Ali beams back at her and reaches to entwine their hands.

“So, he’s a Harris huh?” Ashlyn asks with a little smile.

“Yep, pretty sure you promised to give me your babies. I want all rights and titles that come along with that. He’s technically our first baby, so, he’s a Harris.” Ali leaves it there, knowing damn well what she’s insinuating, but leaving it playfully open to interpretation.

Ashlyn’s feels her heart start pounding hard and works to gain her composure back a bit so she doesn’t give away what she’s really thinking. “Well handsome boy, let me tell you that you have the hottest and best Mommy on the planet. If you thought the peanut butter move was good, you haven’t seen anything yet.” She pets Swish’s head with her free hand and looks up to meet Ali’s eyes, watching the brunette’s face light up at the statement.

“Charmer.” Ali lifts Ashlyn’s hand and kisses it. “Your Mama isn’t too shabby either, sweet boy. As you already know, the girl can cook!” She adds and looks down at the dog before finding green-swirled hazel again. “Love you, Ash.”

“Love you too, Alex.” Ashlyn replies sweetly and cuddles into Swish more so she can lean her head on Ali’s shoulder. “If anyone heard this conversation right now, they’d think we were ridiculous.”

“Pssh, I couldn’t care less. I love our little family and I hope everyone knows it.” Ali says warmly, the statement standing for itself.

“Me too, baby.” Ashlyn agrees, everything feeling so effortlessly peaceful right now. “So, what are we watching?”

“Air Bud.” Ali replies and reaches to hand Ashlyn the bowl of popcorn that was on the coffee table before using the remote to start the movie.

“Seriously?” Ashlyn laughs.

“It’s a cute movie and he got excited about it when he saw it on the screen!” Ali explains her choice.

“Uh huh, whatever makes you feel better about it, nerd.” Ashlyn can’t help but jibe her.

“You’re the one that taught a dog to play basketball, dork. Now deal with the fallout.” Ali plays back and pokes Ashlyn’s dimple before starting the movie.

It only takes about thirty minutes before Ashlyn is deeply asleep and drooling on her shoulder with Swish doing the exact same on her thigh. While this isn’t exactly the type of moment she ever pictured when daydreaming about what a perfect future might look like, it’s still perfection. Right here with the woman she falls more deeply in love with every single minute and what she hopes is only the very beginning of their family together.

\----------------------------

“I can’t put my finger on it, but something is definitely different.” Ali muses out loud as she sits in one of the salon chairs while Kyle gives her a quick trim before the salon opens for the day.

“Are you still going on about this?” Kyle rolls his eyes.

“You don’t understand. I know I said a few weeks ago that things felt more intense lately, but now it’s like off the charts. After we started packing for the trip last night, she just kept looking into my eyes and kissing me so deeply as we tried to fall asleep… looking back onto my eyes, kissing me again, hand all over my hip tattoo. I’m not complaining one bit, it’s incredible…but it’s like I’m about to disappear or something. And the way she’s been looking at me lately, I literally feel like I can’t breathe with all the love in her eyes. Literal heart eyes.” Ali tries to explain it.

“Newsflash, booboo…she always looks at you like that. Trust me. Makes me feel like I can’t breathe just looking at you two, forget how you must feel. Besides, maybe it’s just you that is feeling different or more deeply about things and not so much that it’s her.” Kyle does his best to keep his demeanor even.

 “I don’t understand it, nothing has really changed other than Swish being around, but this was kinda already happening before that.” Ali ignores him and keeps on her musings.

“Al…” Kyle spins the chair around to look at her. “The woman is completely head over sneakers for you. So, does it really matter what it is, if anything at all?”

“I guess not. Head over sneakers?” Ali quirks an eyebrow.

“Well she doesn’t wear heels.” Kyle puts his hand on his hip.

“Pretty sure shoes have nothing to do with that expression.” Ali shakes her head at him.

“Whatever. My point is, just sit back and enjoy it.” Kyle reasons with her. “Well, actually, don’t just sit back. Give that girl some good lovin’ in return!”

“You’re right.” Ali concedes.

“Of course I am.” Kyle spins her back around to finish her hair. “All-star is gonna have a heart arrhythmia when she sees you in that dress we got you for this ribbon ceremony thingy.”

“She better. It’s the first damn thing I packed for this weekend!” Ali giggles. “Speaking of, are you sure you’re good with staying at our place to watch Swish while we’re gone?” Both she and Ashlyn are feeling really bad about being away for the weekend when Swish is still getting used to them and adjusting to everything. Swish has really taken to Kyle recently, so it seems like the best option.

“So sure. Swishy loves his Uncle Kyle.” He replies.

“Only because you fed him potato chips until he finally accepted you. “ Ali rolls her eyes. “Our flight isn’t until mid-morning tomorrow, but it might be easier if you stay over tonight so you don’t have to rush over in the morning.”

“Good idea. But, after the conversation we just had, I’m sleeping in the guestroom furthest from your bedroom!” He points at her in warning.

“Probably a good idea.” Ali deadpans and watches his nose scrunch up. “I’m kidding. Anyway, how should I wear my hair for Sunday?”

“Hmmm.” Kyle considers it. “Well, given the style of your dress and my own observations…” He playfully raises his eyebrows. “I’m gonna say leave it down and styled to one side. All-star practically drools when you have your hair like that. The left side, definitely style it to the left side.”

“Why the left?” Ali asks curiously.

“Cause she tends to leave love bites on your right side…you know, the ones you think I haven’t noticed.” Kyle nudges her. “You totally want to leave that right side open. Instant temptation, you can thank me later.”

“Thanks, ass.” Ali reaches back to pinch his side and laughs when he squeals.

“Ok, let’s see. Oh yeah, you look haaaawwwt!” Kyle stands back after putting the finishing touches on her hair.

“You’re a wizard, Harry.” Ali praises him with one of his favorite movie quotes.

“Awww, thank you booboo!” Kyle kisses her cheek when she gets up from the chair. “Ok, now start your engines and go get her!” He lightly pushes her towards the door.

 

 

“Well now aren’t you a vision to behold.” Ashlyn says sweetly as soon as Ali makes her way into the restaurant office. “That brother of yours is a wizard.”

“I told him the same thing.” Ali let’s out a little laugh before it practically gets caught in her throat when Ashlyn’s eyes meet hers. There’s that look again. “Hi love.” She smiles just as a warm hand lands on her hip.

“Hi.” Ashlyn smiles back and goes right in for a romantic kiss. “Mmmm, you’re so beautiful.” She pulls away just enough to mutter before going right back into another.

“Easy, baby. As nice as this is, it’s Thirsty Thursday and this train can’t leave the station until many, many hours from now.” Ali warns, already completely worked up. They run a half-price drink special on Thursdays and the bar is usually slammed from noon to closing. Alcohol and appetizer sales practically triple on Thursdays and it keeps both the bar and the kitchen extra busy.

“Yeah, I know.” Ashlyn slightly pouts. “Your fault for looking so good.”

“Also, fair warning that Kyle is staying at the house tonight so he doesn’t have to rush over in the morning before we leave for the airport.” Ali divulges.

“So much for spending the night walking around naked.” Ashlyn pouts a bit more.

“Somehow I don’t think that would phase him one bit.” Ali shakes her head.

“Probably not.” Ashlyn agrees, lightly running her thumbs along the brunette’s hipbones over her leggings.

Between the touch and that look in Ashlyn’s eyes, Ali feels like her body is on fire and barely anything has happened. Maybe Kyle was right, maybe it is her. “Better get going, marshmallow. We’re officially open now and I can already hear that kitchen buzzing from here.” As much as she doesn’t want to break the moment, she’s not sure how much longer she can control herself.

“Yeah, I know.” Ashlyn sighs. “Late lunch with me on the beach in between the rushes?”

“Try and stop me.” Ali can barely get a smile out before Ashlyn’s lips are on hers again. She melts right into it, her fingertips finding the skin of Ashlyn’s lower back before a loud clanging pot in the kitchen startles them a bit. “Go before I don’t let you.” She pecks her one more time and gently pushes her out the office door. She lets out a deep breath and fans herself the second Ashlyn is out of sight.

“Love you, Alex.” Ashlyn’s pops back into the door, a huge smile on her face.

“You too, baby.” Ali blows her a kiss and watches her go again. “Get it together, Krieger.” She sinks herself into the desk chair and tries to reel in her libido.

But she absolutely does not get it together. How can she? Every time she’s within sight, Ashlyn is looking at her with that same fiercely loving stare that makes her knees weak, paired with a dimpled smile that practically makes them buckle. Anytime they walk by each other, Ashlyn makes sure some part of them lightly brushes as they pass. If she’s beside her, Ashlyn’s hand is protectively on the small of her back. The way Ashlyn plays with her fingers while feeding her bites of salad off her plate at lunch, those green-swirled hazel eyes never leaving her own like she was the only person on the beach, it’s everything. And by the time dinner service is wrapping up, it’s a raging fire that can’t be contained anymore. She literally feels like something is burning white hot inside and only one thing can quell it right now.

“Ash, can I get your help for a minute?” Ali calls into the kitchen from the office, watching Ashlyn’s head pop up from the behind the shelves where she’s wiping down the counter. The short-haired woman nods and quickly dries her hands on a towel before making her way over.

“What can I do for you, gorgeous?” Ashlyn asks as she feels the slight rush of air from the door closing behind her. She immediately sees the flush on Ali’s face and upper chest, her eyes dark and yearning. “You ok, Al?” She barely gets out before Ali’s lips are on hers in a hungry passion that would have knocked her over if not for the door she’s now pinned against. Her fingers find the back of the brunette’s neck, thumbs along her jawline to pull her in even closer as she feels the low moan rumble in her own throat.

“I need you.” Ali practically growls into Ashlyn’s ear as her hips press harder into her. “It can’t wait. I need you now, so badly.” She nips at her ear before capturing her lips in another scorching kiss.

“We can’t here. Let’s go home.” Ashlyn breathes out between kisses.

“Can’t…Kyle. Can’t make it there… can’t wait.” Ali’s low voice gets out in desperation before her tongue finds Ashlyn’s again.

Ashlyn feels a warm gush between her legs at the husky demand. She thinks about her Jeep in the parking lot for a second before immediately realizing it is nowhere near private enough. It’s just a few more seconds before her mind catches up to what Ali said, forcing herself to pull away from the kiss. “Kyle closed up and left?”

“Yeah, 20 minutes ago.” Ali replies windedly.

“Come on.” Ashlyn grabs Ali’s hand and swiftly pulls her out of the office, hurrying out the back door and over to the back entrance of the salon. She fumbles with the keys for just a few seconds before the lock is open and they stumble inside, mouths already engaged in another heated kiss before the door can even close behind them.

Ashlyn feels Ali move down to suck on her neck and takes a couple seconds to look around the salon which is only dimly lit by the soft glow of the outdoor light filtering in through the front window. She first thinks of the shower suites before her eye catches the door of the sauna room. It’s the most insulated spot in the salon, sure to block out the sound and give them privacy should Kyle or anyone else wander back in for any reason. She knows damn well that there is already no stopping this, but as soon as clothes starts coming off, there’s really no stopping for anyone or anything no matter who wanders in and sees what. The sauna is perfect, they can completely lose themselves in there. She feels Ali’s legs wrap around her waist and she moves fast, gripping the brunette’s thighs and walking them to the sauna room, her lips only breaking away from Ali’s momentarily to pull open the door.

The sauna has been off for at least the half hour Kyle that has been gone, but the radiator is still warm and the room is residually hot and steamy. It’s just minutes before Ashlyn feels a few beads of sweat roll down her back followed by Ali’s hands raking up the moist skin as her shirt is tugged over her head. Her legs shake when the brunette’s fingers run along the back of her neck, her bottom lip pulled gently between Ali’s teeth. Worried that her muscles are going to give out, she walks further into the sauna and sits Ali on the wide, waist-high wooden bench that stretches the length of the wall.

It’s hot, so hot. Ali has no idea if it’s the room or the heat of Ashlyn’s large hands dragging up her sides as her shirt clings to her back. “Off.” She mumbles against the short-haired woman’s lips, desperate for their bodies to press together. She’s not sure Ashlyn even heard her until the already damp fabric brushes her face on its way over her head, her bra deftly unclasped and falling to the floor. She yanks at Ashlyn’s sports bra, but her grip weakens when she feels the gentle suction on her nipple. “Please…off…” She mumbles again even as she threads her fingers through Ashlyn’s short hair.

Ashlyn reluctantly pulls her mouth away with a slight pop, determined now to make quick work of their clothes. She peels Ali’s leggings down, her underwear along with them, before leaving a few soft nibbles on her inner thighs that make the brunette’s head tilt back. She practically rips her own sports bra to get it off and hurriedly works her pants and boxers down, kicking them off of her foot and pressing herself right into Ali’s body, the two of them a bit diagonal now while Ashlyn stands in the space between Ali’s legs and grips her hips.

“Ash…” Ali gasps when her girl’s heated skin covers her own, her fingertips digging into Ashlyn’s biceps as a warm mouth finds her nipple again. One of her palms covers an exposed woman while the other holds strong and resilient Athena, the inked paradox that details Ashlyn’s beautiful and broken serving as her anchor points to the love of her life in this moment when the rest of the world seems to be floating away. She’s addicted to the feel of her entire nipple in Ashlyn’s mouth, the velvety tongue swirling across it, but she pulls Ashlyn’s head up and kisses her deeply as she wraps her into a tight hug….she needs her closer.  One of her hands drops down to Ashlyn’s lower back, the other to her ass cheek, both tugging upward until Ashlyn takes the hint and gets up onto the bench.

Ashlyn hovers over the brunette, taking advantage of her position to take in her perfectly sculpted body…but Ali’s not having it and rolls them both on their sides. Her back gets pressed against the smooth hemlock wood that makes up the wall, one shoulder flat against the bench. The wood radiates warmth against her skin, but somehow Ali’s body is hotter as it fully presses against the length of her front side and the kiss that comes with it is positively scorching. Ali’s hands are all over her torso, her back arching off the wall when the brunette’s mouth sucks on one of her nipples. Her stomach muscles twitch as the pleasurable sensation courses through her body, but it doesn’t last long because Ali pulls her away from the wall and lays her flat on her back. “Alex...” She inhales in a hiss when a muscled thigh settles between her legs and Ali’s body covers hers again. She moves her own thigh up against hot soaking folds and hears a mewl leave Ali’s mouth, the brunette’s breath hot on her ear.

“Unnnh.” Ali grunts as Ashlyn’s hips start gyrating in rhythm with her own, the friction of her girl’s thigh exactly where she needs it. She wants to tell Ashlyn how gorgeous she is, how amazing she feels, but her brain is scrambled in the electric energy and the air is so thick she can barely breathe. All she can do is gasp and moan with the occasional strangled whimper as humid air moves in and out of her open mouth in rapid exchange. Her center aches so damn good as her sweat covered body slides against Ashlyn’s, the two of them one moving piece with thighs getting increasingly slick as they steadily spill out onto each other. But it’s happening too fast, everything tightening and building too quickly in an uncontrollable frenzy. It can’t be over yet, she doesn’t want it to be over yet…but her body is betraying her as it gets ready to find release while she fights so desperately to hold onto this feeling. Her hips grind harder against Ashlyn’s, another whimper cutting through the air as her hands grip strong shoulders in an attempt to hold onto whatever she can now.

“Alex… hey…” Ashlyn feels the frantic nature of Ali’s movements, the same frenzy surging through her own body. She stills her hips, hands going to Ali’s face and holding it gently until her eyes open and dark cinnamon focus on her. She gives herself a minute because her chest is heaving and heavy, lungs working so hard to get air. She gently strokes Ali’s cheeks with her thumbs, both of them just breathing as eyes exchange sentiments that they can’t speak right now. “I love you, Alex… I love you…” She gets out the second she can manage it, voicing the only thing that matters.

The tender touch grounds Ali and brings everything to a stop, forcing her eyes to open. The green-swirled hazel looking back at her is hungry and wanting, but there’s that look again… the one filled with so much love that she feels like her heart might explode if she holds her gaze too long. She hears the words tumble from Ashlyn’s mouth and though she’s heard them so many times, they are as important in this moment as ever. They bring her back to center, the desperate energy dampening down to a more harmonious buzz under her skin now. “I love you too, Ashlyn Harris.” She completely lays herself down on Ashlyn’s body and buries her face into her neck, everything melting into the tight embrace that follows.

As soon as Ali picks her head up and smiles, Ashlyn kisses her softly and rolls them onto their sides with the wall against her back again. “Together, beautiful.” She takes Ali’s hand and moves it down between her legs before her own fingers scratch softly at the tiny patch of well-trimmed and wet curls on Ali’s mound. She feels more than sees Ali nod just before the sudden fullness between her legs makes her moan. She mimics the movement, slipping two fingers into the brunette as deep as they will go and feeling teeth graze the top of her shoulder as a high pitched grunt sounds in her ear.

It’s one moving piece again, but this time slow and passionate, deliberate and sensual, deep love and affection now at epicenter of what was a frenzied freefall just minutes ago. Movements are dictated by pleasured sounds in place of the words that they still can’t manage though the heavy breaths of physical exertion in the equally heavy air. But even slowed down, it’s still too good to hold onto for long as nearly spent bodies approach the apex. Fingers pump deep and press firmly against hot, tight walls…

One more thrust…

Ashlyn’s hips surge forward, corresponding giving trees align against each other.

Another thrust…

Ali’s mouth finds Ashlyn’s, her heel digs into her girl’s calf muscle.

Fingers repeatedly curl deep inside …

Lips pull away just enough to suck in a breath of air.

“Alex...”

“Ash…”

Eyes shut tight, bodies simultaneously clench… everything spasms, everything shakes…all of it coming undone in a glorious release.

It takes ten solid minutes before their breathing even begins to regulate, before they start to ease up on the tight embrace that made it all that much harder to catch their breath.

Ali leaves soft kisses on the top of Ashlyn’s shoulder, trying to understand what exactly just happened but finding herself at the same loss as earlier to explain it. “I love you, Ashlyn. So much. And I don’t what that was or what it means… but, I just…this feeling… I don’t ever want it to end.” She subtly pleads for some kind of enlightenment.

Ashlyn kisses her slowly while she searches her mind to find some way to explain, a way to supply the reason for why it all feels so much deeper now, but she comes up empty. She finds Ali’s eyes and pledges the only thing she can without giving everything away before the exact moment she intends it. “It won’t end, Al. I’ll love you like this always. This feeling is the beginning, not the end. I promise you that.”

Ali’s lips curl into a smile, her heartrate picking up again. She doesn’t even fully understand the meaning behind what Ashlyn just promised, but she smiles anyway and her heart drums despite not knowing. Because that powerful look is still there. That same intensely loving stare in her favorite green-swirled hazel hasn’t left. And whatever it is and for whatever reason, she feels it and she trusts it completely. “I love you too, Ash. Always, just like this.”

“Can’t believe we didn’t die of heatstroke in here.” Ashlyn chuckles and tucks a few sweat-soaked pieces of Ali’s hair behind her ear.

“Well my body sure feels like it died and went to heaven, so maybe we did.” Ali laughs. And just like that their usual calm ease with each other is back to the forefront.

“That’s as good a theory as any.” Ashlyn agrees. “Shall we grab a quick cold shower and sneak out of here before anyone sees how flushed and disheveled we look?”

“Solid plan, love.” Ali pecks her lips. “But we’re stopping for ice cold smoothies on the way home for a full-on cool down. And if Kyle is up when we get home… we went to the gym on our way home since we’ll be flying out in the morning.”

“You’re brilliant.” Ashlyn finds the energy to hop off the bench and then helps Ali down, both of them still a bit shaky from being physically spent.

“And don’t you forget it.” Ali plays back. “Come on before we pass out. I feel like there must be vultures circling the building by now just waiting for us to drop in here.”

“Awww, I’d never let you get eaten by scavengers, baby.” Ashlyn assures her as she picks up their clothes.

“Charmer.” Ali deadpans and taps Ashlyn’s ass as she pushes her lightly out the door of the sauna, taking one last look around the room in hopes that everything about this night stays ingrained forever.

\---------------------------

“How was it?” Ali asks as Ashlyn walks into their hotel room.

“It was really fun. She’s a crazy smart and really beautiful sixteen year-old, I’ll tell you that much. Plus her three-point shot is complete fire. I do not envy Shawn Grafton one bit. The poor guy is gonna have his hands full when she goes off to college, if not before then.” Ashlyn says animatedly, clearly still excited at how the morning went. She certainly hasn’t been back in D.C. as much as she once thought she might be. And even though she has texted Emmie a few times to check in, she’s just now fulfilling the promise she made to the soldier she met on her flight almost a year ago to meet up with his daughter.

“Ha, I’m sure! God knows my parents would’ve had their hands full if things had been different and I had gone off to college.” Ali muses with a laugh.

“Such a wild child, baby.” Ashlyn teases her.

“You know it.” Ali smiles. “I don’t even want to know what you were like in college.”

“Probably not.” Ashlyn smirks and gets a pillow tossed at her.

“Go shower, player. Oh and maybe put on your nicer jeans. The plans changed, we’re meeting my parents at a restaurant for lunch and not at their house.” Ali tells her.

“Right-O, be ready in thirty.” Ashlyn pecks her lips and heads to the bathroom.

 

 

“We’ll start with four glasses of champagne.” Deb orders as soon as the waitress hands them menus.

“Oh mom, this thing tomorrow really isn’t that big of a deal. No need for champagne.” Ali quickly tells her so she can change her mind and get the waitress back if need be. Deb just looks at her and lets out a little laugh. “As thrilled as I am for you two about the new Krieger Harris Surgical Suite, this little celebration is actually about me.”

“Oh, uh…ok.” Ali says in confusion. The champagne at lunchtime was already a bit over-the-top even for a Saturday, but now that she knows it has nothing to do with toasting her and Ashlyn on tomorrow’s ceremony, she’s really lost. Although they knew from the original ceremony invitations that they were guests of honor at the ribbon cutting ceremony, they had only been informed last month that the new surgical suite was being named after the two of them with a plaque installed in their honor as the largest sponsors of the project. Deb had been so excited when Ali told her about it that she was sure this was why her mother had insisted on doing lunch together today. She looks over at her father, but Ken is just smiling and giving nothing away.

“So, what are we celebrating?” Ashlyn asks at seeing the excitement on Deb’s face and the confusion on Ali’s.

“I have some news.” Deb says mysteriously with a big smile. "We need our champagne first though.”

“You’re killing me here, mom.” Ali groans, dying to know now what the news is. She swivels her head around to see if the waitress has even gone to put in the drink order yet and is happily surprised to see her coming back towards the table with a tray of full champagne flutes.

Ali sighs when Deb makes small talk with the waitress about the weather, feeling Ashlyn hold her hand to help her be patient. “Ok, spill woman!” She belts out as soon at the waitress is a few steps from their table.

“Well, school starts on Tuesday.” Deb frames her big news. “And the first thing I’m going to do that morning is walk into the principal’s office…” she pauses for just a second, “to tell him that this will be my last year.”

“Last year?” Ali says out loud before it hits her. “Oh my god, mom! You’re retiring?!” Her hands goes over her mouth in cheerful surprise.

“I’m retiring.” Deb confirms and lifts her champagne glass.

Ashlyn holds up her glass and clinks it with Deb’s, but Ali is up out of her chair in a flash and around the table to hug her mother.

“I’m so happy for you, mama bear!” Ali squeals and Deb lets out her own happy little sound.

“Congratulations, Deb! This is wonderful!” Ashlyn adds.

“Thank you! I can’t believe I’m finally doing it. It’s exciting and sort of relieving…also kind of scary, but mostly exciting!” Deb exclaims.

“Alright, you’re way too quiet over there. Do you have news too?” Ali eyes her dad who is still just sitting there smiling.

“Me? Absolutely not. Your old man still has a few years left in him. Besides, all I do is run gym classes and coach.” Ken laughs. “No news here. I’m just thrilled for her. I know how much time and dedication went into the last 33 years.” He raises his glass and clinks Deb’s.

Ali smiles at the sweet moment before turning her attention back to Deb. “So, what’s the big plan?” She tries not to sound too hopeful in case it’s not what she thinks.

“The plan hasn’t changed, Alex.” Deb smiles.

“You mean it? You’re coming to Miami?!” Ali practically yells, squeezing Ashlyn’s thigh so hard in her excitement that the short-haired woman actually yelps and jumps a bit. “Sorry, baby.” She rubs Ashlyn’s thigh apologetically.

“I mean it. By this time next year, I’ll have Kyle styling my hair while I eat whatever amazing lunch Ashlyn cooks up for me after a morning on the beach.” Deb says a bit dreamily.

“I love it!” Ashlyn pipes up. “This is so great and we can’t wait. You know you can stay with us whenever and as long as you need to, right? We have plenty of room.”  She offers genuinely and feels Ali rub her thigh gently again in appreciation.

“You’re sweet, thank you. Lord knows I have a grandpuppy to meet and spoil now.” Deb replies.

“Well apparently the way to his heart is peanut butter and potato chips. So just feed him things he’s not supposed to eat and you’re good.” Ali giggles.

“I’ll remember that and come armed with goodies on my next trip down.” Deb promises.

“So, how are you feeling about the Miami adventure?” Ali asks Ken, suddenly feeling guilty that she’s so outwardly happy for her mother when her father is essentially being left behind in D.C. by his family now.

“I think it’s great.” He replies earnestly. “She’s talked about it for a long time and I’ve always know it was coming. I won’t lie…I’m going to miss her, just like I miss you and Kyle. But, I suppose it means I’ll get out more and be more social. Start dating for real.”

“But you two have been dating people for years.” Ali tries to read into what he is saying.

“We have.” Deb jumps in. “I guess as this retirement thing becomes a reality, we’re both realizing that we haven’t exactly been putting our best effort in on that front. I think we can agree that we’ve reached a point in our lives where our own space is probably a really healthy thing.” Deb leaves it at that and Ken nods in agreement.

“Well, I’m happy if you guys are happy.” Ali finds a way to end the conversation before it gets more personal than her parents want it to be. Although she knows nothing serious has ever come out of either of them dating other people all these years, it’s the first time it hits her that there’s a good reason for that. Their friendship and family has clearly been too important to them to risk messing it up over someone new.

Ashlyn tries to figure out the underlying sentiments in what Deb and Ken just said, trying to understand whether all of this is positive or not. She studies Ali’s face for some kind of hint, but she can’t read the look on her face. She chooses to just reach for her hand, unsure of what the brunette is feeling, but being supportive either way. It’s only when they cuddle up in bed that night and the lights go off that she finds out.

 

“Ash?” Ali whispers into the dark after silently relishing in the feel of Ashlyn’s strong arms holding her close from behind. It has to have been at least twenty minutes since they kissed goodnight and tuned off the lights. Ashlyn’s breathing and heartbeat are calm and steady against her back and she has no idea if she’s still awake or not, but she’s hoping.

“Yeah love?” Ashlyn replies softly, still awake because she can pretty much feel that Ali’s mind has been running ever since they turned off the lights. She lightly strokes the brunette’s stomach.

“If for some reason this goes in a way we didn’t expect. I mean, I truly don’t see how it would ever happen. But if feelings change, or one or both of us fucks up, or something gets in the way…or any one of the hundreds of other things that could happen ends up happening like it did with my parents.” Ali takes a deep breath. “Can we still find a way to be friends? If nothing else, can we commit to that? Just… you mean too much to me to let anything get in the way of the fact that we connect the way we do. I always want you as my friend, no matter what.” Her hand covers Ashlyn’s hand and holds it tight.

“Come here.” Ashlyn slowly turns Ali in her arms so they are facing each other. It’s too dark to see much, but she can feel the brunette’s breath on her cheeks. She reaches up to hold Ali’s face in the tight space between them. “Just so you know, I see no version of the future in which I don’t love you with my entire being and where I’m not the one by your side through everything. Still, you’re right that we can’t possibility know what’s to come. But I can promise you that my heart will forever have a place for you. No matter what, you’ll always be my best friend, Alex. I’ll move hell and earth, endure anything this world can dish out to make sure that’s always true.”

“I love you, Ashlyn.” Ali kisses her softly and hugs her tight, the heavy thoughts replaced by a lightness spreading in her chest, her focus now solely on the buzzing energy that is always present across her skin when she’s pressed against Ashlyn’s bare body like this.

“I love you too, bestie.” Ashlyn smiles into Ali’s hair and hears her giggle. “Sleep, beautiful. Let all those worries float away and relax. I’m here, I love you, and I’ve got you. I’ve always got you.” She runs her fingers through Ali’s hair soothingly, feeling the brunette kiss along her jaw line a few times before she feels her relax and soon after hears the slow rhythmic puffs of air which signal that she’s fast asleep. The truth is that she can no longer picture any version of reality that isn’t this one right here, where Ali is hers to love and be loved by…because in no reality could she live without breathing, and Ali is her air. It’s as simple as that.

\----------------------------

“I can’t believe you were serious about this!” Ali huffs a bit as Ashlyn pulls her by the hand down the corridor of the hospital.

Even though the ribbon cutting ceremony isn’t until noon, Ashlyn had jokingly suggested that they get dressed early and sneak over to the surgical suite before anyone got there so they could check out the dedication plaque that was going to be unveiled to honor them today. Ali had gone along with getting dressed early because Ashlyn had said they’d go out to a nice breakfast nearby and had only seemed to be joking about going to the hospital ahead of time. Clearly, she hadn’t been joking.

“Al, really though…what if it’s hideous? I mean, did you see what happened a while back with that plaque for Brandi Chastain?” Ashlyn replies and keeps walking along.

“The soccer player?” Ali questions.

“Yeah. They inducted her into some hall of fame and the engraving of her on the plaque looked like a 60 year-old man. It was so hideous they had to redo it.” Ashlyn explains. “So, what if they did that with ours? It might just be a name plaque, but what if it’s not and it’s hideous? Do you really want a million media photos of us looking horrified at the plaque that is supposed to honor us? Cause I don’t. I feel like if we get a quick look at it, we can at least be prepared to put on some big smiles even if it’s horrid, right?”

“Ok, ok. That’s not a terrible point.” Ali considers it. “But Ash, we can’t just walk into a surgical suite. What if there are people in there?” She counters with a more realistic scenario.

“Baby, it’s Sunday of Labor Day weekend and the ribbon ceremony is in just over three hours. I highly doubt anyone will be in there.” Ashlyn replies. “And we’re not seriously just going to sneak in there. We’ll have to check with the nurse station obviously, but they all know us there and I’m sure it’ll be fine. If they say no, no biggie…we’ll just go to breakfast.”

“Alright, I’m in.” Ali concedes, feeling better now that she knows they’re not really going in unless they have permission.

“I knew you’d see it my way.” Ashlyn teases.

“This better be a good breakfast, marshmallow.” Ali nudges her.

“It’ll be the best one ever.” Ashlyn smiles. “Did I mention you look absolutely beautiful and stunning?”

“Only ten times before we even left the hotel, but I love you for it.” Ali beams at the compliment. Truth be told, she actually feels beautiful in the dress Kyle helped her pick out.

Normally, Ali would never consider such a light color for a big event where she had the potential to spill something on it, but this cream colored, scoop-back midi dress had fit her too well to pass up. It leaves her shoulders and collarbones mostly exposed while still being cut high enough to be respectful. It’s slim fitting along her stomach and slightly more flowy through her hips and falls right above her knee. The look on Ashlyn’s face this morning had confirmed that she had definitely picked the right dress. Kyle had also been right about styling her hair to one side and to her left…she’s caught Ashlyn’s eyes darting down to her bare neck on the right side quite a few times now.

“You look amazing yourself, love. Handsome and beautiful all in one, I’m a lucky girl. Plus you smell really damn good.” Ali squeezes her hand. She’s sure her own facial expression probably matched Ashlyn’s when they saw each other’s outfits this morning. They haven’t really had an occasion to get this dressed up before, and even though Ashlyn is really fashionable and always dresses well, this morning her attractiveness is on a whole new level. The short-haired woman is in a perfectly slim-fitting navy suit with an ivory colored collared shirt underneath that pairs well with Ali’s dress; a wine colored bowtie and brown wing-tip shoes complete the look.

“Thanks, baby…but I’m definitely the lucky one.” Ashlyn winks at her just as they approach the nurse’s station.

“Oh my goodness, look at you two!” Gina, one of the nurses that had actually prepped them for kidney transplant surgery, shouts from behind the desk before either woman can even say anything. “You look amazing! Congratulations on today! And I heard you two are an item now, you look wonderful together. I just...I’m so happy for you!” She pops right up of her chair to hug them.

“Thanks, Gina. A lot has definitely fallen into place.” Ashlyn replies warmly and hugs her tight, never forgetting how kind this woman was and how hard she worked to help calm her before the surgery.

“I’d say so. Ali, you look all lit up!” Gina adds and hugs the brunette too.

“Ashlyn tends to have that effect.” Ali smiles and hugs the nurse back just as snuggly.

“I really wish I could be there today for the ceremony, but duty calls.” Gina points to her hospital scrubs. “Some of the other nurses will be there though.”

“That’s really sweet of you all.” Ashlyn smiles. “We actually came a little early since we haven’t gotten to see the new suite yet and wanted to get a good look before the ceremony this afternoon.” She explains.

“Oh right, Dr. Carter did mention to us that you might be in earlier this morning. Go on in, you know where it is. Obviously, it’s a ghost town back there today since it’s closed off for the ceremony. It looks really different and wonderful in there. They sure spent your money well, let me tell you.” Gina laughs and motions to the door behind her. “Take your time and we’ll hopefully catch up again later today.”

“Thanks, Gina. It was so nice to see you again!” Ali says genuinely as they each give her another quick hug and make their way through the door. “So, you checked in with Dr. Carter about this little adventure?” Ali raises an eyebrow at Ashlyn.

“Of course I did. But it was way too fun to let you think we were breaking in.” Ashlyn shrugs with a little smirk.

“You’ll pay for that one, marshmallow.” Ali nudges her with a smile.

“I’m sure I will, but it was worth it.” Ashlyn chuckles lightly.

\------------------

The surgical suite really does look different. The entrance is now a large shiny steel sliding door instead of the light colored wooden one that used to match the doors of the surrounding rooms. Krieger Harris Surgical Suite appears in large stylish black letters on the sign above the door.

“Wow, it looks so high-tech.” Ali comments once Ashlyn pulls the door open.

“No kidding.” Ashlyn agrees. “I honestly didn’t think we’d notice all that much of a difference since we have no idea what all this equipment they added was supposed to look like or do. Damn though, this place looks like something out of NASA.” She says in awe of the new looking robotic devices around the room, even the hospital beds in there look futuristic.

“Money well spent.” Ali smiles.

“Absolutely.” Ashlyn confirms.

“Oh my gosh, look!” Ali exclaims when her eyes find the plaque that is on the wall near the entrance behind them. She goes right over to it, her face already hurting from the huge smile on her face.  While there is a silver plaque that has their names, an explanation about their donation to the project, and a brief background of their story, it’s the picture that completely melts her.

Right above the engraved plaque is a large black and white photo of them taken just before the surgery…the first few moments of when they met. It’s a picture that she has on her own cellphone, one that she looked at so many times at the beginning of all this, but really hasn’t looked at since then. They both look a little nervous in their hospital gowns, holding hands between them and leaning in as close to each other as they can from their hospital beds.

Ali studies both of their smiles, now appearing in hindsight like maybe they already knew deep down that everything was going to change after that day. Ali’s hair is in a messy bun and Ashlyn’s looks good but nowhere near her usual level of hair-wave perfection, neither of them has any makeup on… and still, it’s a truly beautiful picture.

“Look at us, we so look happy. Maybe a bit clueless about the wild ride that was about to ensue, but happy.” Ali says as she lightly traces Ashlyn’s face on the picture, leaning back a bit when she feels strong arms wrap around her waist from behind her.

“I’ll never forget that day. You were most beautiful woman I had ever seen…you still are, and you always will be.” Ashlyn kisses Ali’s cheek from behind her. “I look a tad drugged up, but it’s a damn good picture. Eat your heart out, Brandi Chastain.”

“Such a charmer.” Ali smiles and leans her head back just a bit more so it’s resting against Ashlyn’s cheek. “I can’t believe it has been a year already” She says as she realizes that it’s September 1st and this picture was taken exactly one year ago, it just now dawning on her why they likely scheduled the ceremony for today. “It sure doesn’t feel like a year, does it?”

“Feels like a year to me.” Ashlyn disagrees softly.

“Really? Why?” Ali asks, Ashlyn’s odd voice tone getting her attention.

“Because I’ve been pretty much waiting a whole year to do this…” Ashlyn drops her hands from Ali’s waist and gets down on one knee as she reaches into her suit jacket for the ring.

Ali feels Ashlyn pull away and turns around in concern, only to find her girl down on one knee and looking up at her hopefully. Her hand goes up to cover her mouth as it drops open in shock. She could have guessed in Argentina, she could have guessed during a romantic night on the beach or even in their own home in a quiet meaningful moment, but she never would have guessed here. She feels Ashlyn take her free hand and tries to steady her legs that are shaking in anticipation now.

“Alexandra Blaire Krieger…” Ashlyn pauses for a second to slow herself down and get this right. “Exactly one year ago today, in this very room, I gave you a really important piece of me. I gave you a piece of me that had been waiting for years to fulfill a promise to the most important person in my life. And that day I gave it selflessly with every good intention in the world behind it and expecting nothing in return. Give everything…that’s what I did in this room one year ago. But the truth is that I got absolutely everything in return.” Ashlyn takes a deep breath, eyes never leaving Ali’s.

“I got the other half of my being, the person I’ve always searched for and never thought existed. I got you, Alex, and in the last place I’d ever expect to find you. You touched my soul with your words before I even knew you. And since then you’ve changed every single thing I ever knew about life and love. You always say that I saved your life, but you’ve actually saved mine. By finding beauty in my broken, you’ve helped me find it too…because you’ve somehow known from the beginning not to try to put the pieces together, but to hold them carefully and securely in your hands while I put them back together myself. You bring out the very best version of who I am and I couldn’t love you more for that. I want to be that person forever with you and for you. I’ve waited my whole life to love someone in ways that surpassed my every expectation and fantasy, to tell them that I’d love them and need them forever…and here you are.” Ashlyn lifts Ali’s hand to her mouth and kisses it.

“Exactly one year ago, in this room… I gave you a kidney. Today I’m here, in the very same place we started… to give you my heart and pledge it forever. To ask you to not only walk by my side on the journey, but to be my journey. Alex, will you take my heart and make it yours forever? Will you marry me?” Ashlyn opens the fist of her left hand, a 2-carat round solitaire diamond ring on a white gold diamond infinity band sitting flat on her palm.

Ali can’t breathe, she can’t move, she can’t look away from beautiful green-swirled hazel. And it’s not the perfect words and the most amazing diamond ring she’s ever seen that hold her in place… it’s that look. That intensely loving look in Ashlyn’s eyes that’s she’s seen for the better part of a month now and couldn’t fully understand until this moment. Ashlyn had looked at her lovingly from day one, but it had recently changed to reflect something deeper, something she couldn’t quite put her finger on until today… permanence. She finally knows why it changed. It changed when Ashlyn stopped looking at her like her girlfriend, and started looking at her like her wife. The look reflects forever love. And with that enlightenment, she suddenly knows that her yes to Ashlyn’s proposal will be anything but simple.

“Yes.” Ali whispers out and pulls Ashlyn up, capturing her lips in a deep kiss because she can’t wait another second to feel her own heart pound, and her stomach flutter, and her skin vibrate with electric energy the way it does every single time their mouths come together in the most beautiful silence on earth.

“Yes?” Ashlyn asks breathlessly against Ali’s lips to confirm when they pull apart a couple minutes later.

“Yes.” Ali repeats and kisses her softly.

“Not just because I gave you a kidney, right?” Ashlyn questions with a dimpled grin.

“Especially because you gave me a kidney.” Ali plays back with a smile. “Although giving me your heart too sure didn’t hurt your chances with me either, marshmallow.”

“I love you, Hello Kidney.” Ashlyn winks and pecks her lips.

“I love you too.” Ali replies before getting serious. “But Ash…”

Ashlyn swallows hard at the suddenly serious but also unreadable look on Ali’s face, the yes she just got suddenly overshadowed by the word ‘but’. Not many good things come after the word ‘but’, especially after a proposal. “What the matter, Al? What’s wrong” She asks feeling a bit shaky now, the ring still sitting in her hand.

“Nothing is wrong. I’ve just never seen Las Vegas, Ash.” Ali keeps her eyes locked on to Ashlyn’s. “I want to see Las Vegas.”

“Uh…um…ok.” Ashlyn stutters to respond, completely thrown off by the random request. “Then we’ll go visit it. I promise we’ll put it on our list of travel destinations and get there sooner rather than later.”

“No, baby. I want to see Las Vegas with you right now.” Ali maintains her gaze. “And not for the casinos, or the shows, or the lights…but because it’s the only place I know that will make you my wife _today._ This, with you, has been the most wonderful wild ride of my life and I’m not slowing it down for a second…not going another day without marrying you. We’re here today, we’re here now…” She runs her hand over Ashlyn’s left hipbone.

“Give everything.” Ashlyn finishes the statement and feels Ali’s hands come up to hold her face.

“Take me to Vegas, Ashlyn. Marry me today.” Ali whispers hopefully, the look in her eyes now mirroring the one Ashlyn has been giving her for weeks.

“You’re serious?” Ashlyn makes sure.

“Completely. Urine or you’re out, marshmallow.” Ali smiles.

“I’m in, Alex…always. Terrible kidney jokes and all. I’m all in.” Ashlyn kisses her deeply.

“So, can I have my gorgeous, stunning, giant rock of a ring now?” Ali asks with a beaming smile.

“Absolutely, Queen Krieger.” Ashlyn playfully bows and slides the ring onto her finger.

“Queen Harris.” Ali corrects as she admires her ring. “I already told you that I want all the rights and titles that come along with you. I meant it.”

“Whatever you want is yours, my queen.” Ashlyn replies lightly because her heart is so full she honestly doesn’t know what else to say.

“You’re making it harder and harder to wait until Vegas.” Ali kisses her cheek.

“I can’t wait to marry you either, baby.” Ashlyn replies sweetly.

“Good, cause we have two and a half hours to find wedding rings at the mall down the street, book a flight and hotel, and get back to our room to get our stuff packed up so we can high-tail it out of here as soon as this ceremony is over. Thank god we’re already appropriately dressed. It’s like the universe knew when I picked this dress.” Ali gets out in a ramble as she looks at the time on her phone.

“Well, Kyle certainly knew when he helped pick that dress.” Ashlyn laughs. “About the proposal anyway. Not sure he could have envisioned Vegas, but given the dress choice… maybe he knows you better than you think.”

“Probably.” Ali shakes her head with a laugh. “So wait, Kyle knew? It figures, he was totally deflecting in our conversations.”

“Yeah he knew. So did your parents. I asked all of them for their support first. Not permission because I’m way too much of a feminist for that, but just for their support. And I told my grandparents too, for the same reason.” Ashlyn reveals.

“You’re perfect.” Ali kisses her soundly on the lips. “And I love you.” Another kiss. “But the clock is ticking, marshmallow and you’re not getting out of marrying me now.”

“Couldn’t keep me away if you tried. Okay, let’s hit the mall first. I’ll book us a flight and hotel on the walk over there and you pick our wedding location. My only requirement is no Elvis impersonator as the officiant.” Ashlyn lays out a basic game plan that actually sounds absurd out loud.

“Well you’re no fun!” Ali teases. “Deal though, cause hairy chests gross me the fuck out and every Elvis impersonator I’ve ever seen seems to have one. Let’s go!” She pulls Ashlyn by the hand, taking one last look at the photo of them on the wall from that very first day that led to this one that will lead to forever.

\-----------------------------

“We made it.” Ashlyn breathes out as they settle into their seats on the plane.

“Never doubted you for a second.” Ali giggles and entwines their hands, thinking about the mad rush that was the last few hours.

Picking rings was easy. Ali quickly settled on another infinity band to match her engagement ring, finding the perfect fit since the style is notoriously harder to size and the jewelry store had a wide range of sizes in stock. Ashlyn chose a simple white gold band that eventually needs to get sized down a bit because it came from the men’s jewelry section. Still, it fits well enough to work for now and her plan is to have “give everything” engraved inside of it when it does get sized.

Finding flights and a hotel was also surprisingly easy. Ashlyn got them a 4:30pm direct flight from D.C. to Las Vegas. There were only first class seats left on the flight, but it’s not like she was going to settle for anything less than that for this trip anyway. She booked them a hotel suite at The Venetian because she had once stayed there on a basketball related trip and everything about is classic Las Vegas luxury that sits right on the main strip.

Not to be outdone, Ali chose the Glass Gardens at the Chapel of Flowers as their wedding location for two reasons. One, the Google images of the place were the most appealing she could find…a well-lit, rustically decorated, indoor space with rock walls that are lined with live trees and greenery. Two, on the same block as the chapel is the renowned Vickie’s Diner, and she can’t think of anything more perfect than scarfing down a burger, fries, and a shake in fancy clothes after eloping with the love of her life in Las Vegas.

Although they had rushed through packing their bags and had almost been late to the ribbon ceremony, the logistics were easy. The hard part was getting through the ribbon ceremony patiently, all the while knowing what they were about to do. They had smiled through being honored and sat through a few speeches before socializing for over an hour until only a few hospital administrators were left lingering. Ashlyn is sure she's never been more relieved in her life than when Ali lightly tugged on her arm and calmly whispered “should we head out?”

“I can’t believe we’re eloping on the same day I proposed.” Ashlyn laughs as she buckles her seatbelt.

“Despite it being my idea… me either.” Ali agrees with a giggle. “You nervous?”

“Not at all. You can’t be nervous when urine love and about to marry the woman of your dreams. I couldn’t be more sure of anything in my life.” Ashlyn winks.

“You’re cute and I love you.” Ali leans in for a kiss. “Urine for a lifetime of surprises, love.” She adds playfully.

“Apparently…and a lifetime of lame puns too.” Ashlyn laughs. “Are you nervous?” She returns the question.

“You knew what you were getting into, baby. And, nope. I’m not.” Ali replies confidently. “Not in the slightest. I always thought I’d be nervous on my wedding day, but I’m just happy and excited.” She feels Ashlyn squeeze her hand. “Our families are going to kill us.”

“Probably.” Ashlyn agrees. “But we’ll make it up to them.”

“How so?” Ali inquires.

“We’ll do it again. Maybe have a simple little ceremony and celebration to do this the way we both probably envisioned it with them included. That should keep Kyle, your mom, and my Gram from skinning us alive.” Ashlyn suggests with a smile.

“I love that idea.” Ali kisses along Ashlyn’s jawline and leaves another little kiss on her lips.

“Settled then.” Ashlyn says just as the flight attendants start going through the safety information for the flight.

“Good, now no more talking until we get there.” Ali says seriously.

“Really?” Ashlyn raises an eyebrow at the instruction.

“Really.” Ali replies simply.

“It’s a 5 hour flight, Al.” Ashlyn reminds her.

“I know. But I just want to spend the next 5 hours looking at you, being next to you quietly and letting myself feel you, get inspired by you until I’m filled to the brink inside with the all the love I have for you. Because when I’m standing across from you and about to become your wife, I want it all to come bursting out of my heart unfiltered so that you know how much you mean to me. You deserve nothing less, love.” Ali says lovingly before smirking. “I suggest you do the same, cause I expect to be swept off my feet, marshmallow.”

“And you will be, because you deserve nothing less and a whole lot more.” Ashlyn smiles back at her. “What if I have to go to the bathroom though, do I have to like make a hand signal or text you to get out of my seat or are there exceptions to this no talking rule?”

“Shhhh.” Ali presses a finger to Ashlyn’s lips before pulling it away and leaning in for a quick kiss that unexpectedly turns into a longer one when Ashlyn holds her head there.

“Making out is not talking.” Ashlyn mumbles against Ali’s mouth.

“Mmhmm.” Ali hums in approval, the two of them relaxing into a slow and languid kiss despite all the anticipation of what awaits them.

It’s not until the pilot’s voice sounds loudly over the speaker to announce their estimated arrival time that they pull apart in a slight startle and laugh at each other, both of them having been so caught up that neither realized that the plane took off and is already well on its way to their wedding destination.

\---------------------------

“You got us a limo?” Ali asks as Ashlyn leads then to a medium-sized limousine waiting in front of their hotel and tells the driver “We’re going to the Clark County Marriage Bureau and then to the Chapel of Flowers, please. And we’re kind of in a hurry, thank you,” before politely waving the guy off and opening the door for Ali herself.

“Of course I did. We’re about to get married, Al. Did you really think I’d just hail a cab?” Ashlyn raises an eyebrow and checks her watch again. It’s 10:31pm and if they want to get married before the day ends, they have to get this show on the road.

“I suppose not.” Ali giggles. “You’re too smooth for that.”

“Right so, limo it is.” Ashlyn winks and then smiles sweetly. “You look really beautiful, Alex.” She takes the brunette’s appearance in for what has to be the hundredth time today, but she’ll never get enough of this woman. “I can’t believe I get to marry you tonight.”

“Please, I’m the one who was the decrepit sick girl glued to the dialysis machine just a year ago. If anyone can’t believe her good fortune tonight, it’s me.” Ali leans into Ashlyn’s shoulder.

“Absolutely not.” Ashlyn lifts Ali’s chin so she’s looking at her. “You may not have had kidneys, you may not have been able to pee, you may not have felt healthy or been living the life you wanted…but you were never ever a decrepit sick girl. I know that with complete certainty even if I didn’t know you then.”

“You actually make me believe that.” Ali kisses Ashlyn’s chin.

“Good, because it’s the truth. I love you for exactly who you are and that person could never be defined or held bound by some bum kidneys and a fistula.” Ashlyn says resolutely.

“I love you exactly the way you are too, baby. And, I’ll have you know that I know exactly who I am and that I’m damn proud of it.” Ali says with conviction.

“Oh yeah?” Ashlyn asks curiously at her tone.

“Yep. I’m the luckiest person in the world to be your wife.” Ali says charmingly.

“You’re adorable…but, you’re not technical my wife yet.” Ashlyn teases.

“Details, baby. Details.” Ali plays back. “You nervous yet?”

“No, just overly excited. I feel like Swish when you open a jar of peanut butter.” Ashlyn laughs. “You?”

“Exact same, love. So fucking excited to be yours.” Ali leans back into Ashlyn shoulder and squeezes her arm snuggly.

 

 

“Wow, no wonder drunk people marry random strangers in Vegas all the time.” Ashlyn muses as they get back into their limo with their marriage license in hand. The very marriage license that literally took 10 minutes to fill out the paperwork for before they paid and were on their way to the chapel with no questions asked.

“No kidding. I mean, I knew it was easy, but that was ridiculously easy.” Ali agrees with a laugh. “You’d think it would be harder to give yourself away.”

“I guess that makes you easy then, baby.” Ashlyn jokes.

“Watch it, marshmallow. Let’s not forget that you proposed, so you gave it up first.” Ali plays back.

“Oh I’m way easier than that. I actually gave it up when I signed that dotted line next to the statement that said I was donating my kidney out of my own free will. I was yours the second the ink hit the page, sweetheart.” Ashlyn grins.

“Yeah, you were.” Ali agrees and leans in for a gentle kiss just as the limo pulls up to the chapel. “You were always mine. I just had to find you. And I did. Tag… you’re it.” She playfully taps Ashlyn’s nose before opening the door of the limo and getting out. “Come and get it, marshmallow!”

 

 

“Ok ladies, these are our wedding packages that you can choose from and they range in price mostly based on whether you want photos and videos, and other extra things like that.” A short and thin middle-aged woman with black-rimmed glasses explains to them as she opens a binder.

“Just give us the most expensive one.” Ashlyn replies quickly and sees Ali nod, both of them beyond eager now.

“That was easy.” The woman laughs happily at the choice and closes the binder, reaching out to take Ashlyn’s credit card for the transaction. “This is our book of pre-written vows. We have simple traditional in various religious and non-religious denominations as well as some less traditional ones. We can also customize them a bit with what you want, or you can recite your own vows, or do a mix of both. Let me know what you’d like.”

They skim over the choices as quickly as they can before Ali makes a suggestion. “How about simple, non-religious traditional with the opportunity to add some of our own vows?”

“Perfect.” Ashlyn agrees, knowing that the most important words will be ones they personally pledge to each other and that the rest is just a formality.

“We’ll go with the simple, non-religious traditional ones on this page, but we want to be able to say our own vows too.” Ali tells the woman who is now completing the rest of the paperwork.

“Excellent, no problem at all. You two might be my fastest couple yet.” She smiles at them “Okay, just sign here, here, and here…and we’ll be good to go.” She points to three lines on the paperwork and watches both women sign. “Perfect. Now we need about 15 minutes to get everything ready for you. You’re welcome to wait in the reception lounge together or we have separate rooms on either side of the Glass Garden that your ceremony will be in.”

“Thank you.” Ashlyn replies as the woman walks away. “Together or separate?” She turns to Ali.

“Hmmm.” Ali thinks it over. “As much as I don’t want to leave your side, I suppose we shouldn’t break all the wedding traditions, right? So how about separate rooms to collect ourselves, and the next time I see you…I get to make you mine.”

“That’s all I ever want to be…yours. See you at the altar, beautiful. I’ll be the one with the missing kidney and the heart with your name on it.” Ashlyn smiles and gives the brunette a lingering kiss and a tight hug before making her way to the room on the right side of the Glass Garden.

“I’ll be the one looking like I just won at life…because I absolutely just did.” Ali calls out and watches Ashlyn shoot her a dimpled smile as she disappears around the corner.

Ali makes her way to her own private room on the left side. There isn’t much to it, just a table with a mirror, a comfortable couch and a small refrigerator with bottles of water in it.  She takes a look in the mirror, happy to see that her make-up, hair, and dress have held up perfectly despite the traveling. She touches up her lip gloss before plopping down on the couch and taking a deep breath. It’s in this quiet moment that the nervousness hits her, but not in the way she expected. She’s not nervous about marrying Ashlyn at all, she’s just nervous that however long forever ends up being, that it will be never be long enough. She sits on that feeling for a few minutes before she hears Ashlyn’s voice in her head reminding her like she has on so many occasions that it doesn’t matter how long it is, they’ll enjoy ever last second they have together.

Ashlyn looks at her watch for the fifth time since she walked into the little private room. Time could not possibly be going any slower as she waits to marry the love of her life. Her mind races as she paces the room thinking about how amazing of a person Ali is and wondering how on earth she managed to end up with someone so perfect for her. And just as that thought hits her, she suddenly feels nervous that she’ll never be able to express it properly. Nervous that Ali will never understand just how much she loves her, that Ali will never get to see how perfect she is through the eyes of the person who loves her most. “Get it together, Harris.” She whispers to herself and takes a few deep breaths as Ali’s voice rings in her ears… _’all you ever had to do was love me.’_ With that thought, she feels herself settle inside at knowing that this is exactly what she is here to do…to vow to love Ali forever and to spend every day showing her just how much in any way she can.

“Ashlyn?” She’s interrupted by a knock on the door, the same woman from earlier entering once Ashlyn says to come in. “We’re ready to go now. The photographer and videographer are in place and my husband will be standing in as the witness to your ceremony while I officiate. If that sounds good to you, you can go ahead in and stand on your side of the altar while I go get Ali.” She motions to the door in the room opposite the one she came in from.

“Thank you.” Ashlyn nods and takes one last breath before going through the door.

Ali is sitting on the couch still thinking about what she is going to say during her vows when there’s a knock at the door. “Come in.” She calls out and sees the woman from earlier make her way in.

“We’re ready to go, Ali. I’ll be your officiant and my husband will serve as the witness to your ceremony. The photographer and videographer are ready, and Ashlyn is in place and waiting.” The woman smiles and explains it just like she did to Ashlyn. “Your paperwork said you would be holding the bouquet that is part of your chosen package, so this is for you.”

“Thank you.” Ali replies and admires the medium-sized and surprisingly elegant bouquet that is comprised of white calla lilies and white roses that are held together by a thick strip of burlap.

“Whenever you’re ready, go in through there and to the altar.” The woman motions to the other door in the room.

Ali nods and watches her leave before going over to the door and resting her hand on the knob, pausing for a moment to relish in the way her heart is racing wildly before opening the door.

Ashlyn has to admit that for a chapel in Las Vegas, the place is really nice. Of course it is, Ali picked it. She smiles to herself and takes in the gray stone walls that are lined with various small trees, the whole room lit in tons of tiny white string lights overhead. She looks around again as a thought crosses her mind, but she doesn’t see a single candle that are all too common in most chapels. Of course there aren’t candles, Ali picked it. She shifts her weight from foot to foot, trying not to look too awkward standing there since the photographer is already snapping away and the videographer is clearly already recording. She gives a little smile to the older man that is sitting in the first row of the audience chairs set up just a few feet away from the altar knowing that he must be their witness. Before she can think on it any further a _Canon in D_ instrumental starts playing just as the officiant comes in and takes her place. Her eyes go to the door on the left side of the altar and all of the air goes out of her lungs when it opens. They’ve been together all day long, not a single thing changed about her appearance, and yet, Ali has still managed to surprise her with how beautiful she is. She fights to take a breath and clear the fog from her brain so she can forever remember the radiant smiling face that is headed right towards her.

“Hi love.” Ali beams at the positively goofy grin on Ashlyn’s face, noting the way she’s shifting her weight a bit. “You nervous?”

“Hi baby. Yeah, I am…but in the best way possible.” Ashlyn admits with a smile. “You?”

“Exact same.” Ali laughs lightly and hears Ashlyn chuckle too.

“You’re so incredibly beautiful, Alex.” Ashlyn says softly. “You always take my breath away. Every single time.”

“And yet you always manage to look better, charmer.” Ali smiles. “Just marry me already, marshmallow.”

“Whatever my queen wants, my queen gets.” Ashlyn gives a slight bow and looks at the officiant expectantly.

“I guess that means we’re ready then!” The older woman smiles at them and reaches down to press a button on her little podium that stops the music.

 “We are gathered here today to celebrate the love of Ashlyn Michelle Harris and Alexandra Blaire Krieger by joining them together in marriage…”

The officiant continues on, but neither woman hears the rest of the introductory words as Ashlyn reaches for Ali’s hands and they get lost in each other’s gaze…get lost in _that look_ , the one that means they’ll never leave each other’s side.

“Ashlyn…” The officiant repeats her name for a second time to get her attention and smiles when her head finally looks in her direction.

“Oh uh, sorry.” Ashlyn snaps out of it and hears Ali giggle.

“That’s ok.” The officiant smiles at them. “Please repeat after me.”

Ashlyn nods and locks her eyes onto Ali’s again.

_I, Ashlyn, take you, Alex, to be my wife, to have and to hold, from this day forward, for better for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and cherish always, to be yours alone as long as we both shall live."_

“Ali, now you repeat after me.” The officiant instructs.

Ali nods, never taking her eyes off of green-swirled hazel and squeezes Ashlyn’s hands in her own.

_I, Alex, take you, Ashlyn, to be my wife, to have and to hold, from this day forward, for better for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and cherish always, to be yours alone as long as we both shall live."_

“I believe the two of you have some vows for each other. Please go ahead and exchange them now.” The officiant tells them and steps back just a bit from the podium to give them a little more privacy in their moment.

“You first, beautiful. You’ve been letting it build for hours now if I recall correctly.” Ashlyn winks and gets a big smile and a little head shake from Ali before the brunette’s cinnamon eyes land on her own again. It dawns on her in this moment that she has never seen Ali look as over-the-top happy as she does right now, and the fact that it’s because of her makes her feel like she’s floating.

“Honestly Ash, after all that, I have to admit that I still have nothing.” Ali shrugs with a little smile and squeezes Ashlyn’s hands again before continuing. “I write words for a living, that’s what I do. And I just spent a five-hour plane ride looking at you in complete silence so that I could find the perfect ones. The thing is… I still don’t have the words for you, for how much I love you and what you mean to me. It’s like I once told you before, you’re the chapter I always knew existed but never knew the words to. Even though I may not know the words to it and maybe I never will, I can promise you not only that the chapter exists, but that you are the last chapter. You are my last chapter, Ashlyn Harris. You’re the chapter that stands out from all the others, the one that brings my whole story together. You are my forever, you are my end. But you are also my beginning. Because you know me, Ash… you know that I read my last chapter first. And my greatest adventure didn’t truly begin until I first saw you at the end of it. You are my beginning and you are my end, and no matter what the words to story are in between all that, it always closes with a period after the last word. That period at the end, that’s my final heartbeat. And that period will forever belong to you, Ashlyn. I’ll love you with everything I have until my last breath and my final heartbeat and for whatever else may or may not exist beyond that. I love you from the end to the beginning and back again.”

Ali hold Ashlyn’s hands in hers tightly just trying to breathe now, her heart pounding hard at having spilled its contents. She feels Ashlyn’s palm gently hold her cheek and soft lips kiss her forehead, letting her eyes close for a second to ground herself. When she opens them, green-swirled hazel is looking at her like she’s the only person on the planet and everything stills as Ashlyn’s voice cuts through the air.

“Well, for someone who didn’t have the words…you sure found a lot of perfect ones to blow me away with just now. Unlike you, I’ve actually never been good with words, maybe slightly better with actions...but you know what I’ve always been good at? Sleep. I’ve always been good at sleeping.” Ashlyn smiles at the little look of surprise on Ali’s face, knowing the brunette wasn’t expecting that, but she presses on in an effort to tell this amazing woman just how much she means to her.

“Sleeping has been my safe haven and my escape for as long as I can remember. Even on my darkest day, I’ve always been lucky enough that nightmares have never come for me, that my dreams have always eclipsed my reality. Sleep has always been my place of peace, the thing I always looked forward to the most and could never get enough of. That was until I met you, Alex.  And for the first time in my life, I don’t want to go to sleep...I don’t even want to close my eyes or blink, because my reality is finally better than any dream I’ve ever had and any dream I’ve ever promised to live out. You are my serene, untouchable dream turned into a reality. Having you by my side and as my wife is infinitely better than anything I could ever dream up. And when I close my eyes now, it’s not in my dreams where I find peace, but in knowing that when I open my eyes again, I will always see you. You are my reality and you are my dream. You are my place of peace that I’ll always look forward to the most and never get enough of. No matter what happens, you will always be my love, my heart, my soul, and above all else, my best friend. I love you, Alex… forever and a day.” Ashlyn finishes and moves to wipe the tear rolling down Ali’s cheek with her thumb just as they are interrupted by the officiant again.

“Ashlyn, please take Ali’s ring and put it on her finger while repeating after me.” The woman instructs and Ashlyn complies, sliding the ring onto Ali’s finger as she confidently repeats the words.

_With this ring, I wed you, and pledge you my love, now and forever._

“Ali, please put Ashlyn’s ring on her finger and repeat the same words after me.” The officiant directs again and Ali gently grips Ashlyn’s hand, putting the ring in place with a smile as she repeats the words.

_With this ring, I wed you, and pledge you my love, now and forever._

“We who have come together today have heard the willingness of Ashlyn Michelle Harris and Alexandra Blaire Krieger to be joined in marriage. They have come of their free will and in our presence, have declared their love and commitment to each other. They have given and received a ring as a symbol of their promises. Therefore, by the power vested in me by the laws of the state of Nevada, I now pronounce you legally married partners for life. You may kiss your beloved.” The officiant finishes with a smile.

Ashlyn gently takes Ali’s face in her hands and gets close enough so that they’re breathing the same air. “You’re beautiful, and perfect, and completely insane for marrying me. I love you, Mrs. Harris.”

“And you are truly the most magnificent human I’ve ever known in every way…one who is absolutely just as bat shit crazy as I am for giving me both your kidney and your heart forever. I love you more, wife.” Ali ghosts her lips on Ashlyn’s.

“Well then, perfect match.” Ashlyn whispers.

“Perfect match.” Ali repeats against her wife’s lips and pulls their hipbones together symbolically before sealing their forever with the most powerful kiss of her life.


	17. Epilogue - Part 1

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> First, my apologies for the delay. I promised you all an epilogue and it has been a few weeks already. Shoulder injuries aren't very conducive for typing, so my writing has been very slow.  
> That being said, another reason this has taken a while is because it is turning out to be a the longest epilogue known to man. With this being a shorter fic and one that I won't write a sequel for, I'm putting as much as I can into this epilogue (you know me, can't keep it simple...I love the details too much). Seeing how long it is already and that I'm not nearly done, I've decided to post the epilogue in two parts. So, here is the first one! I'll get the second part out as soon as I can.
> 
> I'll warn you right now that this will be bittersweet and I'll take you right down to the end with lots of ups and downs along the way. So, grab those tissues and let's go....
> 
> As always, thanks for reading and let me know what you think :-)

“Any changes?”

Ali lifts her head up off the pillow to see green-swirled hazel eyes studying her carefully.

“No, none.” She replies simply in a weary voice. She knows he’s not here for a status update, especially when she sees Derek and Jade standing in the doorway.

Of course they sent C.J. into the line of fire, he has the best chance. She’s never been very good at not giving in to him. How could she be, he has looked just like Ashlyn from day one. He has her strong jawline and cheekbones, her small nose and full lips, the same smattering of barely there freckles on his face, and big hands and to match his height. He is Ashlyn right down to the single dimple and the hazel eyes.

The only differences are that he’s more masculine and filled out despite still being somewhat lanky and that his hair is dark like her own. Or at least that’s what she and Ashlyn have always said even though they obviously know that it comes from the anonymous donor they picked out who looked a lot like Ali as a child. Despite the obvious resemblance to Ashlyn, his personality is all Ali. He likes order and details, a passionate planner who knows just when to throw that out the window for a moment of total spontaneity. He shares her love for writing and running, and believes that hard work can get you anywhere. And he’s kind, so very kind. Ashlyn’s big beautiful bleeding heart beats as strongly inside his chest as it does his Mama’s. He’s the perfect blend of the two of them even if it’s not genetically possible.

“Mom, you should really give yourself a break.” C.J. comes closer and crouches down by the bed, stroking her arm lightly.

“I’m not going anywhere.” Ali replies back evenly.

“Yeah, but even just for…” He tries again, only to be cut off immediately.

“I am not leaving her Christopher James, for anything. Got it?” Ali says with more bite than she means to, but her emotions are frayed.

“Got it. It’s ok, mom. I know.” He stays in place for another minute and keeps stroking her arm, his eyes darting to the others at the door with a look of defeat.

She knows they’re worried about her and she would be too if the situation were reversed. She hasn’t left the room at all in three days and she’s only left the bed to quickly run to the bathroom when she needs to, leaving the door open so she can still keep the bed in sight. The steady heartbeat and warm soft skin are all she has left to cling to right now and she can’t let go, she won’t. She closes her eyes and scoots in just a bit closer to the warmth and feels C.J.’s hand leave her arm and his footsteps go towards the door.

“Okay if I stay for a while?”

Ali opens her eyes again to see Derek settle into the chair next to the other side of the bed, his hand reaching out to entwine with Ashlyn’s.  The caramel color of his skin makes Ashlyn’s slight paleness look all that more prominent.

“Only if you don’t try to get me to leave the room.” Ali says with gentle conviction.

“I won’t.” Derek promises. “We just want you to be okay and take care of yourself. You know she’d be upset if you didn’t.” He leaves it at that.

“I know.” Ali concedes. “But I just…” She tries to explain it to him, but he stops her.

“I get it, Mom. I do.” He lifts Ashlyn’s hand up to kiss it. “I’m not ready either.”

Ali just nods and reaches across Ashlyn’s body to lay her hand on his, all three of them now connected. For as much as he had once pushed every single one of her buttons, made her question herself in ways she never imagined, and challenged their marriage to the extreme, he’s been her rock in so many ways, especially now. Sometimes she still can’t believe the transformation in him, a transformation made possible by Ashlyn’s golden heart. Derek will forever be her living testament to the fact that love knows no bounds and can heal even the deepest wounds.

They sit in comfortable silence for at least an hour, just listening to Ashlyn breathe like it’s a beautiful melody. Even in this circumstance, the sound of Ashlyn’s soft puffs of air are peaceful and comforting for her… the way it has been from the very first time they ever slept next to each other. Her eyes start fluttering closed in exhaustion just before a light knock on the door disrupts the quiet. She looks up to see Jade making her way in quietly as Derek gets up from the chair.

“I really need to go make an appearance at the restaurant for a bit, but Jay is here.” Derek explains, leaning over the bed to kiss both her and Ashlyn on the forehead. “What can I bring you to eat?”

“I know I have to eat, I know that. But honestly, Dee, it’s really hard to choke it down right now.” Ali appeals to him.

“Okay, promise I’ll keep it plain and really simple. I’ll come up with something. I love you, Mom. You too, Mama.” He says sweetly before letting go of Ashlyn’s hand.

“We love you too, love bug.” Ali replies with a little smile and watches him go just as Jade sits on the end of the bed. “How’s my baby girl?” Ali asks softly, seeing the gloomy look on her face. She has always been the most emotional of them all, the most sensitive… this is really hard for her.

“I’m ok.” Jade replies in a whisper before willing her voice to come out stronger. “I was thinking you should go shower. You’ll feel better.”

“I’m fine without one.” Ali assures her.

“It’s been three days, Mom. You should freshen up. I promise I won’t leave the room and you can keep the bathroom door open so she’s always in sight.” Jade works hard to persuade her.

“I don’t know.” Ali says hesitantly. One on hand, she really should freshen up because she probably stinks. On the other, she doesn’t want to move from this bed even for a few minutes.

“Mama loves the smell of your shampoo.” Jade says softly. “And uh, I thought I’d use the time to freshen her up a bit too.”

There it is. Jade is a nurturer, she always has been. She shines brightest when she’s taking care of people, especially through her love of fashion and styling. It couldn’t be any clearer that this is how she’s coping right now. “Ok, I guess I probably should freshen up.” Ali gives in. “You can just stay with her though, honey …the hospice nurse can handle the rest when she’s here in the morning.”

“The hospice nurse won’t get her hair right.” Jade’s voice shakes and her eyes tear up a bit.

“You’re right, she won’t.” Ali sits up and puts an arm around her shoulders. “And we all know Mama likes her hair just right.” She smiles and wipes the tear escaping from the light blue eyes looking back at her. “I’ll just be about ten minutes or so, ok?”

“Ok.” Jade finally smiles back. “Don’t bother with your hair, I’ll do yours too.” She instructs.

“Thanks, baby girl. I’d love that. No one has ever gotten this hair as perfect as you and Uncle Kyle.” Ali remarks as she makes her way to the bathroom, watching Jade’s face light up and knowing that she just paid her the ultimate compliment.

Jade is true to her word, it really didn’t take long. Just twenty minutes after Ali  got up from the bed, she’s already back in it and snuggled back into Ashlyn who looks and smells like she just got out of a shower herself. “This feels a lot better. Thank you, sweetheart.” Ali says appreciatively.

“You’re welcome.” Jade replies, her expression and body language noticeably more positive and lighter than before. “I have to go pick-up Declan from school, but I’ll check in again tonight.” She promises.

“Ok. Give him a big kiss and hug from Banma. Love you, and thank you.” Ali says warmly, smiling again at Ashlyn’s perfectly combed hair.

“I will. Love you too, Mom.” Jade smiles. “You two look beautiful… always so perfect together.” She adds, looking back as she walks out the door fighting back her tears again.

 

“She’s so right. You’re beautiful, love.  Always my handsome, beautiful wife.” Ali traces Ashlyn’s face lightly, her thumb landing on the spot where the single dimple that stole her heart lives. “And it’s still totally not fair that you look better than me.” She lets out a tiny little laugh.

It has been source of teasing between them for at least the last ten years. Although Ashlyn had gotten gray hair a lot sooner than Ali did, at 79 she still looks pretty much like she did at 50. Her skin is a little more freckled, some crow’s feet appear near her eyes, and her hair is mostly gray. Other than that, she’s the same Ashlyn as always, her body still lean and sculpted albeit noticeably thinner over the last few weeks.

Ali had admittedly lost the aging battle between the two of them. Her body had gotten permanently curvier after having C.J. and by 60, everything felt a little looser and more wrinkled. It has always amazed her how much she aged just like her mother, at times not able to distinguish her own reflection from her memories of Deb. Given that she always thought Deb was the picture of grace, it doesn’t bother her one bit…especially not with her wife making her forever feel like the most beautiful woman alive. Until a couple days ago, not a single day had ever passed without Ashlyn telling her she was beautiful.

“Three days…three damn days and I really miss your voice.” Ali whispers and lets out a deep breath, nuzzling her face into Ashlyn’s neck a bit and closing her eyes, being careful not to disturb the oxygen tube running under her wife’s nose. “How I am supposed to this, Ash? How, baby?” She asks knowing she won’t get an answer. She hasn’t felt this feeling since the day Ashlyn first left D.C. after the kidney transplant, the desperation to hold on when she knows the only option is to let go… she misses her already and she’s not even gone yet.

For someone who had spent her whole life counting on the fact that her illness would ensure she never had to face her fear of losing those she loved, that insurance had failed her miserably. She’s faced the fear time and time again, coming out okay on the other side because at the end of the day, she’s always had Ashlyn. The world doesn’t make sense without Ashlyn. She can’t even think about it, but she also can’t stop thinking about it.

“I’m here. I love you, Ash.” She tightens the hold of her arm that is draped across Ashlyn’s hips, taking a few deep breaths to center herself so that she can do what she always promised… to love her as fiercely as she can until the very last second, the very last heartbeat. It’s takes a lot more strength to do that when the final heartbeat can come at any moment.

“Come on, love… let’s do our book again, I know you like that.” Ali finds it in herself to sit up a little bit, leaning over to grab the thick scrapbook on the bedside table. She had given this book to Ashlyn on their first wedding anniversary, complete with a few scrapbook pages already filled with their adventures together to date and a note that promised to add all of their adventures in the many years to come. Ashlyn had positively adored it, making sure they always found time to sit down together at least every three months or so to add a new page even after so many years together. They made the last one together three weeks ago and Ashlyn had insisted on looking through it every single day since then, finding peace and calm in looking back.

The last three days Ali has gone through it herself, talking through every page and picking out different details every time while she holds Ashlyn’s hand, hopeful that she can hear her and find that same peace wherever her mind is. The truth is that it keeps her going too, keeps her talking, helps her find her own peace in knowing she has loved the greatest love, and gives her the strength to keeping loving so deeply right to the very end even if it leaves her shattered.

“Look at us… two fools with no idea how big this would be.” Ali runs her fingers over the picture on the first page. It’s their very first photo together, the one that still hangs on the wall in the Krieger Harris Surgical Suite where it was taken. “But I knew. My heart knew its match had been found.” She picks up Ashlyn’s hand and kisses it. “Amazing isn’t it, love? Forget the circumstances or the fact that our personalities mesh so well together, but we are a genetic match. We were biologically designed to complement each other.  That will always blow my mind…you were born for me, I was born for you. And don’t even get me started on that dimple.” She lets out a little laugh and flips the page.

“We love each other so much, we needed two weddings.” Ali smiles at the two-page spread of wedding pictures, a tiny envelope in the corner of the second page which holds typed copies of their vows to each other. She starts to look at each picture carefully and closes her eyes after each one, letting her mind take her back to the moments and how she felt.  As often as she’s gone through this book, she’s never tried doing it this way, where she manages to immerse herself enough to really feel the memories. But as she starts to do it and can feel the rush of their first kiss as a married couple and practically smell the mustard on her dress from that night, she knows how the rest of today will be spent…doing it all over again with the love of her life by her side.

\------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

“I still can’t believe I ruined that dress.” Ali muses out loud as she takes in the picture of her and Ashlyn posing outside of Vickie’s Diner in Las Vegas just hours after they were married and had dinner there. Her dress has a big yellow splotch on the front and Ashlyn is kissing her cheek while sporting a red splotch of her own on her shirt.

_“Oh fuck! See, this is why I never wear light colored dresses!” Ali groans as the mustard squirts out of her burger and onto her dress. She quickly wets a napkin and tries to dab at it, but it only makes it worse. “Ugh, for fuck’s sake!”_

_“Baby, relax. It’s okay. We’re going back to the hotel soon and we’ll change. Assuming we even leave the hotel again.” Ashlyn waggles her eyebrows and reaches for Ali’s hand, squeezing it gently and smiling widely at her._

_“Why are you smiling like that when I’m such a mess?” Ali playfully raises an eyebrow._

_“Because even imperfect, you’re still perfect. I love you Mrs. Harris, big ol’ mustard stain and all.” Ashlyn says sweetly._

_“You’re going to spend your whole life charming me, aren’t you?” Ali asks with a smile._

_“Absolutely, beautiful. Just promised it in front of that officiant lady and everything.” Ashlyn replies earnestly and kisses her hand across the table._

_“You make me swoon, marshmallow.” Ali says before looking down at her dress. “I’m still bummed though. I was hoping for some cool just married pictures around Vegas tonight.”_

_“Is that what you’re upset about? Cause we’re still doing that. We’ll just do it with a fun twist.” Ashlyn reassures her._

_“Fun twist?” Ali eyes her skeptically._

_“Yeah.” Ashlyn says simply, reaching for the bottle of ketchup on the table and quickly squirting a glob onto her collared shirt._

_“Ash! What are you doing?!” Ali asks with wide eyes._

_“What I’ve done from day one and will always do…being the ketchup to your mustard, baby. These will be the best pictures ever.” Ashlyn gives her a dimpled smile._

_“You are without a doubt the sweetest, cutest human on the planet.” Ali says with her heart fluttering. “And you’re all mine. So get your ass up out of that booth and let’s go get a few pictures so I can get you back to our hotel…” She leans over the table and pecks Ashlyn’s lips before getting close to her ear. “Because I can’t wait to do things to your body that are neither sweet nor cute. That is until you’re completely spent and breathless and looking all adorably disheveled and then I’ll sweetly kiss my gorgeous wife goodnight.”_

_Ashlyn closes her eyes at the feel of Ali’s breath hot on her ear, her body already vibrating. She swallows hard and finds Ali’s eyes as she raises her hand in the air, doing her best to keep her voice from sounding squeaky and flustered. “Check please!”_

_\-------_

“You never could stay away, could you baby? Me either.” Ali can’t help but laugh at the sweet picture of them cuddled up in bed naked together under the blankets and fast asleep. Ashlyn has her arms wrapped around her from behind, holding her close into her chest. Their bedhead is awful, but they look so peaceful. That is until the next picture right beside it where they look wide awake and shocked while they try to make sure they’re covered up thanks to Kyle having woken them up with a shout after taking that first picture.

_“Ahhhh, oh my god!!!” Ali screeches as she sees the outline of a figure come in through the sliding door of the bedroom balcony, the room too dark to see much else. Before she has time to even be fully terrified a hand is clamped over her mouth._

_“Shhh! Baby, it’s just me.” Ashlyn quickly says in Ali’s ear and slowly takes her hand away. “Sorry, I didn’t mean to scare you.”_

_“Ash? What the fuck are you…” Ali says still breathing heavily from being startled when she’s interrupted by Kyle’s voice._

_“Alex? You ok?” Kyle calls loudly as he climbs the stairs._

_“Fuck.” Ali quickly shoves Ashlyn into their closet and closes the door, grabbing a tissue from the dresser._

_“Al? What’s wrong?” Kyle asks in concern as he opens the door._

_“Sorry…spider.” Ali offers lamely and hope he buys it._

_“Seriously?! You practically gave me a fucking heart attack over a spider?!” Kyle throws is hands up._

_“Well excuse me for thinking eight legs and like a million eyes are gross!” Ali defends herself._

_“Whatever princess.” Kyle rolls his eyes. “Do you need me to kill it?”_

_“No. I got it.” Ali holds up the balled up tissue in her hand and makes a show of going to flush down the toilet in the bathroom._

_“Nice work, Wonder Woman. Now get to sleep, big day tomorrow.” Kyle sasses before smiling at her._

_“I know. Thanks again for putting so much effort into it…I know it’ll be beautiful.” Ali says appreciatively, knowing just how hard he’s worked to coordinate all the details for them._

_“You’re welcome. It’s not every day that your little sister gets married…” Kyle shoots her a smirk. “Or is it?” He raises his eyebrows._

_“You’re never gonna let the whole Vegas elopement thing go, are you?” Ali shakes her head with a sigh._

_“Depends on how nicely you treat your best man tomorrow.” Kyle shrugs with a smile. “I’m kidding. I’m so happy for you, booboo. Can’t wait to celebrate all over again with you tomorrow, don’t care one bit that it’s technically your second wedding. It’ll be perfect.” He adds sweetly before going back to his usual sass. “Now, get to sleep! Because I am not going to spend an hour trying to cover-up bags under your eyes in the morning! Oh, and give me your phone.”_

_“Why?” Ali inquires even as she hands it over._

_“Because I know you and All-star are highly likely to break the rules of not seeing or contacting each other tonight. So, no phone until the morning when I can keep an eye on you.” Kyle playfully points a finger at her as he shuts her phone off and pockets it._

_“Dictator.” Ali huffs. “Why do I have to do this whole ‘don’t see your wife before the wedding’ thing? We’re already married.”_

_“Listen Ms. Las Vegas Escapade, you’re not getting out of at least some wedding traditions since you broke all the rules to begin with. I planned this second nuptial, I make the rules.” Kyle replies matter-of-factly._

_“Whatever. I’m going to sleep.” Ali gives him a quick hug and pushes him out the door. “Night, Diva.”_

_“Night, night, booboo!” Kyle singsongs as he makes his way down the hallway and back downstairs._

_“Whew, that was close.” Ashlyn whispers as she walks out of their closet. “He seriously underestimates me. Phone call? Pssh, amateur.” She leans in to kiss Ali softly. “Mmmm, hi baby.”_

_“Hi.” Ali smile widely and puts her arms around Ashlyn’s shoulders, letting her hands rest on the back of her neck. “So, why exactly did you just scare me half to death by coming in through the balcony? And why aren’t you at Kyle’s apartment?”_

_“Did you really think I was gonna spend a night away from you pre-wedding or not? Your brother is delusional.” Ashlyn shakes her head. “Which brings me to the balcony… I peeked in the window and saw that he was sleeping downstairs on the couch just in case I tried to get in. Can’t believe he doesn’t trust me!” She says sarcastically._

_“And how exactly did you get onto our balcony?” Ali asks curiously._

_“I purposely left the ladder outside when I was here this afternoon, just in case.” Ashlyn shrugs._

_“You’re too much.” Ali kisses her a bit deeper. “I’m so happy you’re a rule breaker and that you’re here. I could kill you for taking the risk of climbing the ladder in the dark, but I’m going to casually forget about that right now.”_

_“What ladder?” Ashlyn grins._

_“Exactly.” Ali leans in for another kiss, feeling Ashlyn start to lift her tank top as their tongues meet. “Mmmm, hey… no way he won’t hear us if we let this go any further. You know we can’t keep it quiet.” She raises an eyebrow as she holds Ashlyn’s hands that are now splayed across her stomach._

_“Get your mind out of the gutter, Hello Kidney. I just want to get naked and hold my second-time-wife-to-be tonight. That okay with you?” Ashlyn leaves a few kisses across the brunette’s jaw._

_“You’re perfect.” Ali holds Ashlyn’s face and pulls her into another kiss before pulling back to look at her. “Now strip, marshmallow.”_

_Ashlyn just winks and takes her clothes off before helping Ali out of hers and getting into bed. She settles behind the brunette and spoons her, hand stroking lightly across her toned stomach. “Can’t wait to marry you again, Alex.”_

_“I can’t wait either, Ash. I love you so much.” Ali turns her head and nuzzles into Ashlyn’s cheek a bit while pressing herself back into her warm skin even further. “Thanks for sneaking in tonight, it actually means a lot.” She takes a deep breath and lets it out slowly. “Ashlyn?”_

_“What’s the matter, beautiful?” Ashlyn picks her head up and looks down to find Ali’s eyes in the dark room._

_“Nothing.” Ali assures her. “Promise me you won’t ever stay away if you can help it?”_

_“I’ll never stay away, Al. I’ll always come find you…not a promise, but a guarantee.” Ashlyn pledges and leans down to kiss her slowly, deliberately._

_“And I promise that I’ll always want you to find me… that I’ll never want you to stay away.” Ali mumbles against her lips._

_“Settled.” Ashlyn kisses her softly again. “Sweet dreams, love of my life.”_

_“Sweet dreams, perfect.” Ali whispers back, letting herself melt into her wife’s arms and fall asleep._

 

_“I fucking knew it.” Kyle whispers to himself the next morning as he shakes his head, trying to find the perfect lighting angle to take a picture of the two women so lovingly cuddled and sleeping. As soon as he’s satisfied with the adorable photo, he gets his phone ready again and prepares himself to potentially get an eyeful of nudity, knowing it will be so worth it just to watch them scramble wildly. “YOU TWO ARE SO FUCKING BUSTED!” He yells at the top of lungs, camera already snapping away as they wake up in a startle._

_\--------_

“So handsome.” Ali’s eyes fall on the picture taken on the beach just after they officially said ‘I do’ for the second time. With Kyle’s help she had gone with a white knee length, silky summer dress that was fitted near the waist but flowy near the hips. Ashlyn had of course dressed to the nines in a white linen suit perfectly fitting of the beach theme, a dark gray collared shirt underneath with the top button left undone for a more casual look. All of their family, friends, and even the restaurant staff had joined them for the ceremony, everyone nicely dressed for the occasion and throwing their hands up in celebration in the large group photo that had taken Kyle seven tries to get right with the timer on his camera.

As it turns out, no one had been the least bit upset about them eloping in Vegas save for Kyle who was happy but felt cheated out of wedding planning. He had gotten over it as soon as they told him they would do another ceremony and that he could help plan it. After a simple ceremony on the beach surrounded by the important in people in their lives, everyone headed back to the restaurant that was closed for the day and turned into a reception venue meticulously decorated by Kyle. The celebration had gone well into the late night hours until it was just the two women left on the beach outside the restaurant with a bottle of champagne between them.

_“That was fun. We should do it again sometime.” Ashlyn jokes and raises her champagne glass. “Cheers to my beautiful wife, who I married twice.”_

_“Charmer.” Ali clinks their glasses together and leans in for a kiss, her toes curling into the sand at the always present rush that comes with it. “I’d marry you every single day, marshmallow.”_

_“Right back at you…but then we’d be ‘that couple’, and nobody likes ‘that couple’.” Ashlyn chuckles._

_“Pretty sure we already are that couple.” Ali giggles._

_“Hmph, well… cheers to being that couple then.” Ashlyn raises her glass again._

_“I’ll drink to that.” Ali clinks her glass again._

_“Come on.” Ashlyn gets up and holds a hand out to help the brunette up._

_“Where are we going?” Ali inquires with a smile as she gets up._

_“I just realized that I never carried you through the threshold of our hotel room in Vegas. Lucky for me, I get a do-over.” Ashlyn lifts the brunette up into her arms bridal style. “Naturally, I’ll overcompensate and carry you through every single threshold between here and our bedroom.”_

_“I do love an overachiever.” Ali laughs and wraps her arms around Ashlyn’s shoulders before finding her eyes. “Thanks for marrying me twice, love.”_

_“Thanks for marrying me period, Alex.” Ashlyn replies in a whisper and kisses her softly._

_\--------_

“And if you weren’t already charming enough, you went full on fairytale baby.” Ali smiles widely at the last picture on the wedding page. The two of them are dancing close, Ashlyn looking at her like she’s the only person in existence…that look, always that look. It’s quite possibly the most romantic moment of her life, but that honor is honestly hard to pinpoint amongst the countless both grand and everyday romantic gestures that had Ashlyn bestowed upon her all these years.

_“So, you didn’t think that surprising me by whisking me away to Germany for a honeymoon was enough?” Ali questions playfully, letting herself get led along after being blindfolded by her wife._

_“Never enough for you, baby.” Ashlyn replies back sweetly, trying to hurry along since it took Ali a while to get dressed up nicely like she requested and then had to be convinced to wear a blindfold for the thirty minute drive._

_“You realize I would never let anyone but you blindfold me like this, right?” Ali sasses a bit._

_“Yep and I love you for letting me.” Ashlyn pecks her lips and opens the car door as they arrive. “Almost there.”_

_Ali hears Ashlyn whisper something she can’t quite make out and then a male voice replies with something she also can’t understand between the low volume and the heavy German accent. The gravel underneath her feet becomes some type of smoother floor that she can hear the clacking of her heels on. A whoosh of air hits her face, so she knows a door was opened, the secure touch of Ashlyn’s hand on her lower back still leading her along. The clacking of her heels eventually gets louder and echoes, her surroundings seeming almost cavernous._

_“So close now. Just a few stairs, take my hand.” Ashlyn reaches for the brunette’s hand to steady her further and tells her when to step._

_There must almost forty steps down before Ali hears Ashlyn’s voice in her ear again._

_“We’re here baby. You ready?” Ashlyn kisses just below Ali’s ear._

_“I was ready before the blindfold even went on, marshmallow.” Ali replies a bit impatiently, dying to know where she is._

_“Well… whatever my queen wants, my queen gets.” Ashlyn says charmingly like she has on so many other occasions and takes off the blindfold._

_Ali lets her eyes adjust to the dimly lit room and takes in the huge space that looks almost like a giant cathedral… beautiful tilework arches, countless works of art painted right on the walls, and granite columns, everything inlayed with gold underneath a large light blue dome overhead from which a magnificent golden chandelier hangs down. “Oh my god…” She tries to breathe. “Is this...”_

_“The throne room of Neuschwanstein Castle? Yes. Yes it is.” Ashlyn smiles at her._

_Ali can only turn in a circle with her mouth hanging open. Ashlyn always seems to leave her without words, but this one takes the cake. It was only three months ago when they lay naked and spent the night they got married in Las Vegas that Ashlyn had asked her what her most romantic fantasy was. She had replied with the one she envisioned when she was only 16…dancing in the throne room of Neuschwanstein Castle. She had seen it briefly from an upper balcony on the tour of the castle, her mind drifting to an image of herself in love and sharing a dance with a faceless woman, the first time she ever pictured a woman without even realizing that she was doing it at the time._

_“How? It’s always been closed to the public.” Ali can’t help but ask in her state of being flabbergasted._

_“Apparently not for once-kinda-famous basketball players who make a nice donation to the historical society. Plus, I can be pretty convincing.” Ashlyn shrugs just as music starts playing in the room. “That’s our cue, my queen. Can I have this dance?” She holds out her hand and smiles when Ali takes it._

_“Ash… you didn’t…” Ali says in disbelief, moving to wrap her arms around Ashlyn’s shoulders even as she notices a photographer in the room snapping pictures of them._

_“I may have married you twice, beautiful, but we never actually got a first dance.” Ashlyn explains as they start swaying. “Did you know my grandparents got married twice too? Once in a very rushed way before my Gramp got shipped out overseas, and then more traditionally when he was finally home for a while. This was the first song they danced to at their second wedding. I thought it might bring us some good vibes… right here, in the only place fit for my queen. I love you, Alex.”_

_Ali can only hug her tight and bury her face into her wife’s neck, listening to the words and hoping the song never ends._

_To lead a better life  
I need my love to be here_

_Here, making each day of the year_  
Changing my life with a wave of her hand  
Nobody can deny that there's something there  
There, running my hands through her hair  
Both of us thinking how good it can be  
Someone is speaking, but she doesn't know he's there

 _I want her everywhere_  
And if she's beside me I know I need never care  
But to love her is to need her everywhere  
Knowing that love is to share  
Each one believing that love never dies  
Watching their eyes and hoping I'm always there

 _I want her everywhere_  
And if she's beside me I know I need never care  
But to love her is to need her everywhere  
Knowing that love is to share  
Each one believing that love never dies  
Watching their eyes and hoping I'm always there

 _I will be there_  
And everywhere  
Here, there and everywhere.

_The song inevitably ends, but it truly doesn’t matter as Ali finally finds her words, pulling back just enough to lock onto green-swirled hazel. “You were already better than any fantasy I ever had, Ashlyn… but, thank you for making this one come true on top of that. I love you in ways there are no words for…absolutely no words, love. I love you so damn much, Ash.” She kisses her wife as passionately as she ever has for what seems like forever and no time at all. She feels like she’s literally floating until they pull apart breathlessly and she realizes that she actually is, her feet lifted slightly off the floor as she’s held in Ashlyn’s strong arms. She truly feels like a queen, the reality finally dawning on her that it’s because she is one… Ashlyn Harris’ queen for always._

\------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

The emotions get a lot more mixed once the wedding page is flipped. “Still miss you every day, Jim.” Ali lets out a deep sigh at the picture of them having lunch at Founding Farmers, their favorite spot in D.C…it was the last lunch outing they ever had together. The rest of that last week was spend near his bedside, all of it happening so much faster than she expected.

_“Take that you old fart! I actually won!” Ali gloats over the phone after beating Jim at Price is Right for the second time ever._

_“Yeah, yeah, fair and square… enjoy it, whippersnapper.” Jim concedes before going silent._

_“You still there or did you hang up in defeat?” Ali teases._

_“I’m still here. Hey, Ali?” Jim’s voice gets serious._

_“You okay?” Ali questions in concern at his odd tone._

_“Yeah…and no. Look, I need to tell you something.” Jim says frankly._

_“Ok. You can tell me anything, you know that.” Ali reassures him, not sure where this is going._

_“I know. This one is just hard, so I’m just gonna say it.” Jim takes a deep breath before blurting it out. “Dialysis isn’t working well enough at this point. I elected to just stop it and let nature do its thing.”_

_Ali’s heart drops into her stomach, everything feeling like it’s suddenly spinning. “When?” It’s the only question she can think to ask._

_“Last week. My last one was Monday.” He admits, feeling bad he took 6 days to tell her, especially when he’s already starting to really physically suffer from the effects._

_“I’ll be there in the morning.” Ali says in the most resolute voice she can manage._

_“Hey, no…I don’t need…” Jim tries but he’s cut-off immediately._

_“Jim, I’ll be there in the morning.” Her tone makes it clear that the conversation is over. “I love you and I’ll see you tomorrow.”_

_Ali keeps her promise, arriving early the next morning and wrapping him into a tight hug. It’s the only time they acknowledge what is about to happen. They manage to go out to lunch that first day because Jim is feeling up to it, but he goes downhill pretty fast the next day and the 5 days after that are spent watching TV and holding hands in a hospital room._

_“So, I need to tell you a secret.” Ali has been debating the last few days whether to tell him or not. He’s been sleeping a lot so there hasn’t been much opportunity, but everything is starting to seem imminent and she finds herself wanting him to be the first to know._

_“I do like a good secret.” Jim smiles at her._

_“I’m 4 months pregnant.” Ali can’t help but beam. It feels like a weight has been lifted off all of a sudden. She and Ashlyn have known since the second week of pregnancy, but have been too nervous to tell anyone yet, wanting to make sure everything looks good and is going well before sharing the news._

_“Holy shit! YES! Really?!” Jim finds the energy to sit up in the bed and pull her into a hug. “I’m so excited and happy, darlin’. Oh Ali, this is wonderful!”_

_“We didn’t tell anyone we were trying, but we started things about a month after the Miami wedding. It’s Ashlyn’s baby with an anonymous donor we picked, I’m just carrying. The first real try was about three months after the wedding…I got pregnant, but lost the baby at four weeks.” Ali reveals a bit sadly as Jim gives her a little nod with a frown. It had been the one of the hardest weeks of her life and it had taken a lot to pull herself together to try again two months later. Ashlyn had been her light, her pillar of strength, her source of positivity even though she was working through her own difficult emotions._

_“This happened on our second try.” She points to her only slightly protruding belly that really just looks like she ate a big meal. “But given how the first time went, we’ve just been way too nervous about telling anyone even though everything looks perfectly healthy and good. So, you’re the first.”_

_“Look at you, darling… all lit up.” Jim says in awe. “You’re beautiful. This is going to be the luckiest kid on the planet…you and Ashlyn as parents, so damn lucky.”_

_“Thank you. It feels so good to tell someone, like I can actually celebrate.” Ali admits with a radiant smile._

_“You damn well better celebrate!” Jim exclaims. “This is going to go perfectly, I just know it.” He adds to reassure her. “Perfect kid for a perfect couple.”_

_Ali nods with a smile before squeezing his hand in hers._

_“You have to promise me something though.” Jim breaks the short silence._

_“What’s that?” Ali asks._

_“What’s about to happen here, you gotta let it go. I had a positively amazing run, okay? You remember that and make sure you stay healthy and strong for that perfect little human you’re growing in there.” Jim implores her._

_“I…” Ali tries to say something, but she can’t get words out around the lump in her throat._

_“Promise me.” Jim pleads again. “That’s all I’m asking of you.”_

_“Ok.” Ali finds herself agreeing at the look in his eye._

_“Good, good.” Jim smiles at her, letting the silence linger again._

_“It’s a boy. We’re having a boy.” Ali divulges the rest._

_“And he’ll be beautiful.” Jim grins and squeezes her hand again. “James is a great name, just saying.”_

 

_“Hey love, can we bake a Tater-tot casserole?” Ali asks in a whisper as Ashlyn holds her on the couch. It has been two weeks since she held Jim’s hand until the very end, and she hasn’t kept her promise. The guilt, the fear, the sadness has gotten the best of her and she just doesn’t know how to let it go. Tater-tot casserole seems like a good start when everything hurts._

_“We sure can, beautiful.” Ashlyn replies, a hopefulness immediately stirring inside. She has been at a loss for how to help the brunette these last couple of weeks. She has been doing everything to just be there in every way she can think of while Ali works through it all, her worry about the brunette growing exponentially by the day._

_Ashlyn quickly gets up from the couch and heads into the kitchen with Ali in tow, the two of them working silently until the casserole is in the oven. “You don’t have to say a word, Alex…I’m here either way.” Ashlyn snakes her arms around Ali’s waist from behind._

_Ali closes her eyes and presses herself back further into her wife, letting the warm and secure arms around her crumble the walls around her heart. “He had no one. There was no one there but me, and I had left him too. I feel so guilty. I miss him and it hurts. But I wasn’t there like I should have been.” It’s all she can manage as the tears start to fall._

_Ashlyn holds her tighter and presses soft kisses into her cheek, giving her time to just cry and let it out. She waits until the sobs die down to speak. “He always had you, Alex. He had you by his side for years and every single day on the phone after that. You guys did Price is Right every single day. You’re the one he called to spend the end with. He always had you, sweetheart…and that’s all he needed. I can tell you from experience that you are absolutely enough for everyone in your life, Alex. Jim was no exception. You were everything he needed.”_

_Ali nods, immediately feeling a little lighter. It’s silly really…she’s told herself the same thing over and over again to no avail in an attempt to shake the guilt. But Ashlyn doesn’t tell her things just to make her feel better, so hearing her say it makes it feel true. Still, there’s a heaviness inside that she’s trying to find the words for. It had happened so fast, so damn fast. He was there and then he was gone with no trace left but memories. It makes her future feel like an impending doom, it makes everything feel too real…her happy little bubble bursting on the pin of reality._

_Ashlyn lets the silence hang again for a while, just keeping her tight hold on the brunette. She can feel it though, she has felt it coming off of Ali for weeks… the fear. “That won’t be you, Al.” She finally whispers knowingly into the Ali’s ear._

_“How do you know that?” Ali immediately blurts out, not even realizing right away that she hadn’t said anything before that statement and that Ashlyn has read her mind._

_“I just do, Alex. I just know.” Ashlyn says softly, turning Ali in her arms and finding her eyes. “It won’t be you.”_

_Ashlyn can’t possibly know the future, there can be no guarantees behind her assurance, and yet, Ali believes her completely. Everything feels safe and in sync again in the gaze that holds her eyes, in the arms that hold her close. “Ok.” Ali nods. “How do you know?” She asks again more gently, just needing to hear the confident ‘I just know’ one more time, but she gets something else this time as she feels Ashlyn’s hands drop down to her belly._

_“Because C.J. and I will never let that happen.” Ashlyn promises._

_“C.J.?” Ali asks in confusion, the first time she’s hearing Ashlyn call the baby anything but gummy bear._

_“Christopher James.” Ashlyn says with a smile._

_“Christopher James.” Ali repeats and smiles widely. “I love it.” She kisses Ashlyn hard, intensely, something inside breaking free and feeling like it can move on from the hurt that has consumed her lately. The Tater-tot casserole burns that night, but it doesn’t matter one bit._

\--------

_“Alright, alright, everyone quiet down.” Ali says loudly to get everyone’s attention. She’s sits next to Ashlyn on their deck after having invited Gram, Gramp, Deb, Kyle, Josh and his wife, and Liz over for dinner. “Can you see, Dad?” She asks Ken who is on her phone in a FaceTime session._

_“Yes, I can see. Hi everyone!” Ken replies through the phone and gets a round of hellos in return._

_“So, we actually invited you all over to dinner tonight so we could share some news with you.” Ashlyn starts, only for Gram’s voice to speak._

_“Come on Kit, just tell us the due date and gender already!” Gram says in excited anticipation._

_“But…wait…” Ali says with her mouth open in surprise, she’s started showing a little bit in the last couple weeks but still not enough to raise suspicion._

_“Oh booboo, did you two fools really think we all didn’t know?” Kyle laughs._

_“How did you guys know?” Ashlyn asks, just as stunned as Ali is._

_“Sorry to ruin the surprise, but it was pretty obvious, honey. First Ashlyn got all hormonal all of a sudden for like a month, then you did, and then she couldn’t keep her hands off of you way more than normal. I mean, she has been waiting on you hand and foot for months now. Add that to the fact that you ate pickles like it was your job last month and that Swish now turns into Cujo anytime a stranger comes anywhere near you… how was it not obvious?” Deb explains with a smile. “Congratulations you two! We love you and we’re so happy…now tell us about our baby already!”_

_“It’s yours, sprout, right?” Gramp adds to the questioning._

_“Well ok then.” Ashlyn looks at Ali and shrugs. “So much for being discrete. Yes, it’s mine with an anonymous donor we chose.”_

_“We really shouldn’t be surprised anymore.” Ali giggles and wraps and arm around Ashlyn, pulling her in closely to her side. “So, what do you want to spill?” She asks her wife in an effort to tease everyone else._

_“Oh come on, just tell us everything!” Kyle exclaims._

_“You might as well. You know one of us will figure it all out eventually and spread it to the rest of us.” Liz pipes up._

_“She’s not wrong.” Ashlyn laughs. “We were kidding, we’ll give you all the details if you just shut up already.” She says playfully and looks at Ali with a little nod._

_“Christopher James Harris is due on February 19 th.” Ali reveals and a collective squeal with applause sounds around them. The name choice makes both Gram and Gramp happily emotional, the two women going to hug them tightly before saying anything else._

_It takes them an hour to fill everyone in and field questions before they all sit around contently eating dessert and celebrating the news._

_“I guess I have to stop calling you Baby Harris now.” Josh chuckles as he and Ashlyn are the last ones left on the deck. Everyone else has gone home and his wife is inside helping Ali put away the leftovers._

_“Yeah that could get confusing.” Ashlyn agrees with a smile._

_“Hey, Ashlyn…” Josh’s voice drops down a bit lower._

_“What’s up, bro?” Ashlyn turns to face him a bit._

_“The baby’s name… hearing it, kind of felt like something just finally healed up in here for some reason.” He taps his chest over his heart. “I’m really happy you went with his name.”_

_“Me too, bro. Me too.” Ashlyn agrees and gives his arm a squeeze._

_Josh nods and they stand in silence for a minute before his lips curl into a smile. “Do I get to teach him how to surf?”_

_“Only if I get to teach Mason and Jasper how to skateboard and dunk.” Ashlyn counters with a smile._

_“Deal.” Josh chuckles and fist bumps her._

\------------

 “This is one of my all-time favorites of us.” Ali lovingly looks at the black and white picture taken when she had just reached 6 months of pregnancy. “And to think it almost never happened.” She laughs lightly at her own ridiculousness, only years later able to appreciate the true beauty of herself in this photo. Something about it is so empowering, so much strength and intimacy captured in a single moment.

They’re both topless with just underwear bottoms on. Ashlyn is sitting back against the headboard of their bed and Ali is sitting between her legs, the white comforter pooled near her lower thighs. Ali’s hands are both resting on her rounded belly, one of Ashlyn’s hands is covering Ali’s while her other arm falls across the brunette’s breasts as she holds her from behind. Ali is leaned back into Ashlyn’s chest with her head turned, the two of them engaged in a soft kiss.

_“Ugh.” Ali huffs and sighs deeply after tossing yet another shirt onto the floor. She has always found pregnant women beautiful, but the feeling certainly doesn’t extend to her. Yesterday marked 6 months. She feels bloated and heavy, everything cumbersome and foreign, a million miles away from the sexy she usually feels when getting dressed up._

_“Why the fuck did I agree to this?” She groans as she looks at herself in the mirror and cringes at the reflection. She considers going to tell Ashlyn that she can’t go through with it, but she knows she can’t bring herself to do it. Ashlyn has been such an amazing and doting partner through all of this, pampering her in ways she didn’t even know she could be, treating her like a complete queen. When she had seen the excitement on her wife’s face a couple weeks ago after Kyle mentioned having a friend who did amazing pregnancy portraits, she found herself quickly agreeing despite her nagging insecurities._

_She sighs and pulls on one more shirt before cringing into the mirror again, shucking it off and chucking it onto the floor before she sits on the bed and sobs. She buries her face into her hands, letting the tears flow freely until her eyes catch the wooden box on the bottom shelf of her bed stand. She reaches down to grab it and rifles through the envelopes before finding the one that she hopes will lift her spirits: ‘Open when… You don’t feel beautiful.’_

_My beautiful Alex,_

_It’s really hard to imagine any scenario in which you could look at yourself and not feel beautiful. But I get it my love, I do…the emotions are not as simple as that, are they? Honestly, as comfortable as I have learned to be in my own skin, there are plenty of days that I feel far from beautiful too._

_The simple truth is that I was awestruck from the first moment I saw you…your eyes, your smile, that nose-crinkle with your tongue poking through your teeth, that little freckle on the base of your neck, your strong and sculpted body, all of it perfect. You were and are the most beautiful woman I have ever laid eyes on and that will never change. But for as awestruck as you left me with your appearance right from the start, I got to know you as a person…and then you left me completely breathless, Alex. Each trait of your character is as beautiful as your body. You are, without a doubt, the most complete and balanced person I’ve ever known. You please my eyes in every way, but your beauty is there even when they’re closed because it starts in your soul and can only be truly seen and appreciated with a heart…my heart, which is yours. Your beautiful runs so deep, that I’ll never reach the bottom. If you ever have any doubts, look into my eyes, love…and you’ll see just how beautiful you are in their reflection._

_In sum, you’re like a Happy Meal, Alex. You know that inner contents are amazing and exactly what you want… but that fun outer box it comes in is a total bonus! I love you, my beautiful in every way girl. You’re sexier than a cheeseburger, and you know how I feel about a cheeseburger._

_Love,_

_Your Hot Marshmallow_

_Ali can’t help but laugh heartily at the Happy Meal metaphor, the tears long gone now. “I think you’re beautiful in every way too, baby.” She whispers as she folds the letter and puts it back in the box. She goes back to the mirror and studies her body again for a minute. It still feels far from perfect, but also far from the horrifying it was just a few minutes ago. She takes a minute to appreciate the true wonder of how her body is changing to carry their child and then resolutely goes to the makeup station to fix her eye makeup._

_“Photographer just got here, but Kyle is entertaining her with refreshments so we have like 15 to 20 minutes still. How are you doing up here, baby?” Ashlyn calls from the guest bedroom across the hall, going into the closet where she keeps her clothes to grab her outfit._

_“Uh, doing ok. My makeup is done, just need to get dressed.” Ali calls back, still standing in just her underwear in the middle of a pile of clothes on the floor as she studies her reflection in the mirror again. She doesn’t even notice Ashlyn coming into the room until an arm sneaks around her waist from behind and a soft kiss is placed on her shoulder._

_“You’re so incredibly beautiful, Alex…just breathtaking. I’ll never get over it.” Ashlyn says in a reverent voice._

_Ali smiles, meeting her wife’s gaze in the mirror before turning around in her arms to find her eyes, the words from the letter running through her mind. She searches green-swirled hazel, seeing the same thing reflected in them as always… intense love mixed with desire, care and want, passion and lust, tranquility and fire. “You really think that, don’t you?” She whispers._

_“Of course I do. I married the most beautiful woman in the world, made only more exquisite by carrying our baby.” Ashlyn says simply, like it’s an obvious fact._

_“I love you, Ashlyn.” Ali kisses her softly, feeling strong hands slide down her sides and tenderly land on her swollen belly._

_“Love you more, gorgeous.” Ashlyn mumbles against Ali’s lips and captures them again before finally pulling back a bit. “So, what did you decide to wear?”_

_Ali looks down at the pile of clothes again, suddenly feeling confident in her body. “This.” She points to herself, unclasping her bra so that she topless with just some black boyshort underwear on._

_“Yeah?” Ashlyn smirks at the idea, pleasantly surprised._

_“Yep.” Ali replies matter-of-factly and kicks the pile of clothes into the closet. “Ready when you are.”_

_“Let’s do it.” Ashlyn smiles and quickly strips down to her boxer briefs before leaning in for another soft kiss. “I’m loving this.” She admits._

_“Well, since I happen to be feeling as sexy as a Happy Meal looks when you haven’t eaten all day…I think the correct words are ‘I’m lovin’ it’.” Ali laughs._

_“Happy Meal?” Ashlyn questions in confusion._

_“Yep, you know… amazing inner contents, but the fun outer box is a real bonus.” Ali gives her wife a knowing look._

_Ashlyn pauses for a second trying to figure out why that sounds so familiar when it hits her. “Oh, Al…” She gently holds the brunette’s face in her hands, the pile of clothes on the floor making more sense now._

_“It’s ok, baby. I’m good now. I just needed you to remind me, and you never fail me. You’re everything I need and you always will be. You’re perfect, marshmallow.” Ali kisses her deeply. “And gorgeous, you’re so damn gorgeous.”_

\----------

“Our tiny sweet boy.” Ali runs the tip of her finger over the Grinch sticker that is placed at the corner of their very first picture of C.J., letting out a soft chuckle at its meaning. Although the early parts of her pregnancy had been pretty uneventful save for about a month of morning sickness, things took quite a turn during that 6th month.

_“The bed rest has certainly helped keep the preeclampsia complications from progressing into dangerous territory, but I think we’ve ridden that wave as long as we can. I’m seeing a slight elevation in your blood pressure again and your urine sample today came back positive for protein. As you know, we don’t want that kidney taking on any more stress than it can comfortably accommodate.” Dr. Talbot explains._

_Ali nods trying to take in the information, glad for the way Ashlyn is holding her hand so tightly as she starts to tremble a bit._

_“So what does that mean exactly? Is she ok and is the baby okay?” Ashlyn questions, a deeply worried furrow in her brow._

_“For the time being, everything is fine. But these are signs that things can escalate quickly into a zone we don’t want to go into. So, while I realize that we are only at 34 weeks and ideally we’d wait as long as we possibly could… it’s my medical opinion that we are at that point of having waited as long as possible. I’d like to schedule your C-section for first thing in the morning. You can go home today and we’ll have the visiting nurse out this evening to make sure there haven’t been any drastic changes in your blood pressure. If there are, we’d have you come in for an emergency C-section tonight and if not, we do it in the morning on my regular rotation hours.” Dr. Talbot replies calmly._

_“Ok. I just want to do whatever is best for the baby.” Ali replies matter-of-factly, doing her best not to show how overwhelmed she is._

_“What can we expect for him being 34 weeks, is that really early? What are the risks?” Ashlyn continues her questioning._

_“It’s actually not so bad and we consider it moderate prematurity. Usually babies at 34 weeks are pretty well developed and often just need a couple days in the NICU to get some help with breathing, but usually nothing majorly risky. The biggest issue is that it generally takes them a little longer to learn how to feed, but that’s something we can easily supplement.” Dr. Talbot reassures them. “We really did make it to a reasonably safe point here.”_

_“Ok.” Ashlyn squeezes Ali’s and again. “Alex, you good with all this?”_

_“Yeah, let’s schedule it for the morning.” Ali replies simply, her heart dropping into her stomach in both fear and excitement._

_“How are you doing, baby? You were so quiet on the way home.” Ashlyn asks as she settles Ali into their bed._

_“I’m ok. It’s a lot to process I guess. I’m ok though.” Ali replies, not even sure how to put her emotions into words._

_“You sure?” Ashlyn checks again, not buying it as she presses a kiss to the brunette’s forehead._

_“I’m sure.” Ali nods her head with a little smile._

_“What can I make you to eat?” Ashlyn asks._

_“Nothing. My mom can handle that. She just texted to say she was on her way over from her place, she’ll be here in like 5 minutes.” Ali holds up her phone. “You should get going.”_

_“I don’t have to go anywhere. I can just have Oscar…” Ashlyn starts only to be cut off._

_“Absolutely not. I’m fine and my Mom will be here until you get back. I know there’s a lot of final preparations for us being away from the restaurant for a few weeks, and now it’s happening even earlier than we hoped. You know that we’ll both feel better if you handle it yourself.” Ali levels with her._

_“Yeah, ok.” Ashlyn concedes. “I’ll be home by dinner time then.” She promises._

_“Don’t rush.” Ali reaches up to hold her wife’s face and gently pulls it down to hers. “Thank you, love. For everything. You’ve been beyond wonderful and I know you must be exhausted. I love you so much.” She says warmly and captures Ashlyn’s lips._

_“You’re the one doing all the hard work. I love you too, beautiful.” Ashlyn smiles and leans in for another kiss._

_“Oh second thought, maybe rush just a little.” Ali playfully pouts her lips, getting in one more peck before Ashlyn tucks her in again even though she just did a minute ago._

_Ali carefully shifts her cumbersome body over so she can slide out of Ashlyn’s grasp without waking her, using all her strength to sit up on the edge of the bed. She uses a corner of the sheet to wipe the sweat off of her brow, her heart racing just like it has been all night.  She smiles at her wife who passed out from sheer exhaustion just about an hour ago after spending all day working hard at restaurant and then coming home to make dinner, pack their hospital bags, finish assembling the crib and bassinet, and walk Swish one last time for the night. Ashlyn had taken a quick shower before holding her close and trying to get her to talk a bit about how she was feeling. Ali had merely assured her wife that she was fine, despite that being far from the truth, and felt relieved when Ashlyn’s eyes fluttered closed, knowing that she needed rest for tomorrow._

_She has been wide awake for hours now, the fear and anxiety making her go out of her mind even in Ashlyn’s comforting arms. She swallows a sip of water from the glass on the bedside table and takes a few deep breaths hoping that her nerves will settle, but to no avail. She gets up from the bed and slowly makes her way to the bathroom, grabbing the familiar wooden box on the way. As soon as she sits herself on the toilet, she’s rifling through the box of envelopes in hopes that one will strike her enough to open it._

_“Yeah, I’d say this about sums it up.” Ali whispers, her brain finally able to wrap itself around what exactly she is feeling as she looks down at the envelope she selected: ‘Open when…You’re afraid’._

_That’s what is at the center of it all…fear. What if something goes wrong and the baby isn’t ok? How is she going to handle the baby being taken to NICU right away? What if she’s not ok? As selfish as it makes her feel, that last one at is the top of the list. No matter how healthy she is now, she can never forget what those years of dialysis were like….how quickly it can happen again…how hard it was to find a donor…how easily she can slip away like Jim. What if this pregnancy put too much stress on the kidney? What if she doesn’t get enough time to even be a mother? Those thoughts plague her mind and even worse, make her feel guilty for thinking of herself and not just the baby. She takes a deep breath to collect herself and opens the letter._

_My courageous Alex,_

_I’m so sorry that you’re afraid of something, sweetheart. It hurts my heart just thinking about it and I don’t even know if you’ll ever open this letter. Although it probably doesn’t seem very reassuring, I’m not going to tell you that you shouldn’t be scared. The truth is that if you’re afraid of something, chances are that I’m afraid of it too. It’s ok to be scared, Alex. We are at our most brave when we are afraid. Bravery is not being fearless, but in facing our fears when we are terrified. And you are the bravest person I know. While I can’t promise to take away the fear, I can promise that you will never face it alone. I’ll walk beside you always. No matter how bad or how scary it may be, I’ll be right there with you to face it head on. I will never falter, I will never waiver. My arms will be your shelter and I will stand with you always my love. We can do this._

_Love,_

_Your protective Marshmallow_

_“We can do this.” Ali breathes out in a whisper. The sense of fear is still present, but she feels confident enough now to deal with it. “You have one amazing Mama, C.J.” She lets her hands drop down and hold her belly, feeling a few kicks against her left hand. “Glad you agree. You’ll know just how amazing when you meet her tomorrow.” She smiles and puts the letter back into the box before making her way back to bed._

_“Alex? You ok?” Ashlyn asks groggily when she feels Ali settle against her side._

_“Yeah, just had to use the bathroom.” Ali covers before she thinks better of it. “Ash?”_

_“What’s the matter, baby?” Ashlyn turns to the face the brunette and gently strokes her cheek, feeling fully awake now._

_“I’m so fucking scared.” Ali admits softly._

_“I am too.” Ashlyn reveals right back._

_“Really?” Ali asks with wide eyes even though she can hardly be surprised given the words in the letter._

_“Yeah.” Ashlyn runs her hand lightly up Ali’s side and doesn’t hold back. “Although I trust that everything is going to be okay, the reality is that I could lose my whole world in an instant tomorrow. I could lose you and C.J. just like that. So yeah, Al… I’m really scared too. Even in the best case scenario where you and C.J. are perfectly great and healthy, tomorrow we’re suddenly going to be parents. As exciting as that is, it’s also completely terrifying. And there are still a whole host of things that can happen between the worst and best case scenario. I’m so damn scared.”_

_“Thank you for telling me that. I’m sorry you’re scared, but as weird as it sounds, I feel better knowing that you’re afraid too.” Ali nuzzles herself into Ashlyn’s neck._

_“We can be scared together.” Ashlyn holds her close. “I really believe it’s all going to be ok though, I really do.”_

_“That makes me feel better too, you’re usually right about these things.” Ali smiles into her wife’s soft skin. “We’re going to be great parents, Ashlyn.” She adds confidently._

_“You think so?” Ashlyn asks quietly._

_“I know so.” Ali assures her. “We may have no idea what we’re doing, but we just have to love him. The rest we’ll figure out as we go along. All we have to do is love him completely and it’ll be ok. And we’re really damn good at love.”_

_“You’re right.” Ashlyn considers it, the thought settling in deep and making her feel more peaceful. “We just have to love him completely. I already do.”_

_“Me too.” Ali agrees. “We can do this.”_

_“We can do this.” Ashlyn repeats and kisses her wife deeply. “I love you both more than anything in the world. I’ll love you both forever… and a day, forever and a day.”_

_“We love you too, Ash…from the end to the beginning and back.” Ali kisses her again. “Let’s sleep so we can be ready for this wonderful boy of ours.”_

_“Sweet dreams, my loves.” Ashlyn says sweetly and adjusts her arms so that Ali is in her most comfortable sleeping position._

_“Sweet dreams, our wonderful Mama.” Ali closes her eyes and relishes in the security of the strong arms wrapped around her, her racing mind finally quieting._

_\-----------_

_“Ash, go with him and don’t leave him.” Ali pleads, her voice so heavy and tired. He’s tiny, so tiny that he fits comfortably in the palms of the two hands the nurse is cradling him with as she holds him up for her to see. He’s beautiful, so beautiful with perfectly formed lips, and nose, and cheeks, and ears, and fingers and toes. Despite the very quick glance, all of those features look a lot like Ashlyn’s and she’s never seen anything so perfect._

_“Congratulations, Moms! The nurse is just gonna take him right over to the NICU now and get him all cleaned up and give him a little breathing support. He’s looking great and healthy so far, but we want to be safe. I’m going to work on closing everything up here, Ali, and then we’ll get you over to recovery.” Dr. Talbot explains._

_“Please, Ash…go with him and stay there.” Ali begs her wife again as Ashlyn stands there in blue scrubs with her mouth slightly open in awe of their son, her feet seemingly rooted to the spot as she looks between Ali and their baby._

_“Ali is doing great, Ashlyn. The blood pressure is already coming down and we’re not in risk mode here. You can go with your son to the NICU if you’d like. Ali can come over there later this evening when she’s more recovered and able to.” Dr. Talbot gives them a bit more information._

_“Uh…” Ashly stutters, still not sure what do as she tries to figure out how she can be two places at once._

_“Ash, look at me, honey.” Ali demands and watches green swirled hazel finally find her own. “It’s okay. My mom is in the waiting area and will come be with me as soon as possible. I’m ok, love. Go with C.J. and promise me that you’ll stay there. We’ll call if I need you.”_

_“Ok. Promise.” Ashlyn nods and gives Ali a little smile, not able to deny those warm cinnamon eyes anything. “I love you so much, Alex. Look at him… look at what you made, he’s perfect.” She finally gets some words out, the emotions really hitting her._

_“Technically you made him, love. Of course he’s perfect, he looks just like you.” Ali says softly in her own emotional tone. “Now kiss me and go.” She instructs and feels soft warm lips on her own before Ashlyn is following the nurse out the door._

_It’s the longest day of her life as she waits to get the feeling back in her lower half, doing everything she can think of to speed it along so she can get to the NICU. It’s an odd feeling, an anxious one where everything feels almost surreal, like when you wake from a dream and don’t know what’s real or not. She’s been getting text updates from Ashlyn every hour, her wife still hanging around the NICU where she can see C.J. through the window but isn’t able to get any closer yet while they completely check him over and make sure all is going well. Deb has been trying to distract her, but her anxiety grows by the minute. She just needs to hold him, to physically have him in her arms so it can feel real and safe. No matter how much preparation she had for this scenario of being separated from her wife and baby like this, it makes no difference._

_Just when she thinks she can’t possibly take it anymore, she gets a text from Ashlyn that she’s about to get let inside the NICU to hold him. It doesn’t completely ease the anxiety, but it helps keep her calmer for the next two hours until the nurse informs her that they are going to try to wheel her down to see the baby too._

_Complete happiness, complete peace, love that knows no end. That’s the only way she can describe the feeling when she is finally wheeled into the NICU and sees the sight before her. Ashlyn is sitting in a hospital recliner chair, her shirt unbuttoned, her chest bare as she holds their son directly against her skin. All 4lbs 2oz of him seem even tinier than before in her huge hands as she whispers to him softly with a joyful smile on her face, her eyes not looking up because she’s clearly in her own world. For as much as Ali hates the movie The Grinch, it’s the first thing she can think of in this moment as she watches her wife and son…her heart growing three sizes right on the spot, never feeling more in love with two people than right now._

_“I love you both so much.” Ali finally manages to squeak out and watches Ashlyn’s eyes look up in the realization that she’s there. What follows is one of the greatest things she has ever heard in her life._

_“Look baby boy, your beautiful Mommy is here. Mommy is here.” Ashlyn gives her a dimpled grin that makes everything in the world disappear besides the three of them._

_\----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------_

The next two pages of the scrap book are filled with photos that capture C.J.’s first year, the joys and tribulations of new parenthood. Amidst the plentiful cuddly and smiley baby photos, there’s one of C.J. breastfeeding while Ali’s lap is covered in poop from a faulty diaper, another of Ashlyn’s hair coated in pureed sweet potatoes from the first night they tried to give C.J. something other than milk or baby cereal, and the first welt on C.J.’s head where he is smiling and fine but it’s clear that both moms had been crying. She can so easily remember the feelings that came with all of it, every day both a new delight and a new challenge in the adventure of a lifetime.

She lets out a small sigh as she reaches the last two pictures of C.J.’s first year, the ones that make her smile, but always bring a few tears too. “Your first steps.” Ali whispers at the photo of C.J. hobbling across Gram and Gramp’s living room at just 9 months, the two of them and Ashlyn looking on in complete shock. Just below that is Gram lifting C.J. up to help him blow out the candles of his first birthday cake, the last day she would ever hold him.

_“Alex, camera!” Ashlyn yells out from the living room._

_“Hurry in here, Bumble!” Gram adds in her own shriek._

_Ali drops the tray of cookies she just pulled out of the oven in Gram’s kitchen, the hurried camera request a common one ever since C.J. was born. She dashes towards the living room, phone already in hand with the camera app open. “Oh my god!” Her jaw drops to the floor even as she starts snapping away, luckily thinking to turn on the video feature despite her shock._

_“Look at him go!” Gramp exclaims as C.J. takes a few unsteady steps in the middle of the living room, Ashlyn following close behind in case he falls._

_“I told you not to worry!” Gram says happily. “He’s just like you, Kit. Never crawled and just straight to walking.”_

_“Really?” Ashlyn asks just as C.J. finally wobbles and falls on his butt with a satisfied smile on his face. “Good job my sweet boy! You did so good!” She praises him and kisses his cheeks._

_“Really, you started walking right around 9 months too. Before that you’d pull yourself up on everything, but you never crawled.” Gram tells them._

_“You’re completely your Mama, aren’t you love bug? Eeeek, you took your first steps! I can’t believe it! My big boy!” Ali lifts C.J. up and kisses all over his face, getting his usual little giggles and his high pitched “Mama!” which he uses for both of them. Truth be told, they had been getting worried that he wasn’t crawling yet since all the other kids his age in their play group had been doing it for at least a month or two already. The pediatrician told them it was completely normal for some babies to be later in age when starting to crawl and that they would reassess when he was a year old. Apparently, C.J. had other plans._

_It winds up being the only bright spot of the day, the only possible thing that can even begin to counteract the news that comes just a couple hours later._

_“Can I borrow you two for a couple minutes? Gramp will watch C.J.” Gram motions to the two women as they finish loading the dishwasher._

_“What’s up, Gram?” Ashlyn asks curiously as they all sit down on the patio together, her grandmother’s demeanor looking a bit stiff._

_Although Ali can’t know what is about to be said, she feels a sudden sense of dread inside and reaches for Ashlyn’s hand._

_“I’m not one to sugarcoat or beat around the bush, so I’m just going to say it.” Gram forewarns before it comes out bluntly. “I haven’t been feeling all that well lately and went in for some testing. The breast cancer is back.”_

_Ashlyn squeezes Ali’s hand hard, her heart racing even as she tries to steel herself to deal with the news. “How bad?” She asks straight-forwardly._

_“Bad. Worse than last time, Kit. More spread with more organs affected.” Gram answers simply._

_“What’s the treatment plan? When do you start?” Ashlyn stoically throws out more questions._

_“There isn’t one, honey.” Gram says matter-of-factly and takes a deep breath. “I’m not seeking treatment this time.”_

_“What? Why?” Ashlyn spits out and sits on the edge of her chair. “What happened to fighting tooth and nail until you see Jesus or the devil?” She asks, using Gram’s own words from the last time around._

_“Oh, Kit. I’ll still fight the whole way, honey, but I’m not gonna struggle.” Gram says with a tight smile. “Treatment this time means a few extra weeks, not a cure. Whatever I have left, I’m not gonna live it in hospital rooms with no hair and feeling like shit. No, this time I just ride the wave whatever way it takes me and stay on it as long as I can….that’s my choice.”_

_Ashlyn swallows hard around the lump in her throat, her grip on Ali’s hand like a vice. “Ok.” She barely chokes out in a whisper as her eyes start to water, it’s all she can manage._

_Ali kisses Ashlyn’s hand and rubs her back for a minute before making her way over to Gram. “I’m so sorry. We love you so very much and we’re here, whatever it takes. We can easily move life here to Satellite Beach for a while or you’re always welcome in Miami, doesn’t matter… whatever way, we’ll be here.” She hugs the older woman tight, her own tears spilling out now._

_“You’re so sweet, Bumblebee. You don’t have to do that though. You two have a lot going on.” Gram replies._

_“Nothing is more important than this.” Ali says resolutely. “Besides, I have a whole lot of traditions and recipes to learn, don’t I?” She does her best to add some level of lightness to this moment even though she feels gutted._

_“You sure do, sweetheart.” Gram smiles genuinely. “Honestly, I’d love that.”_

_“Done then.” Ali gives her one last squeeze and goes back over to Ashlyn who looks positively destroyed. “Talk to us, love.” She gently strokes her cheeks._

_“I…” Ashlyn tries, but she can’t find any words, her mind just going back to the facts. “How long?” She looks up at Gram._

_“Anywhere from two to four months.” Gram answers evenly and watches Ashlyn just nod._

_Ali carefully watches both Harris women as they all sit in silence for a while, both of them looking at the ground. Ashlyn picks at a string on her shorts and Gram plays with her own fingers._

_“I’m going to go check on C.J.” Ali announces softly, realizing that maybe giving the two of them some time alone might be a good idea. She kisses the top of Ashlyn’s head and makes her way inside._

_“Say something, Kit.” Gram pleads after a few more minutes of silence._

_“I just don’t think I can do this, Gram.” Ashlyn says brokenly, the tears rolling down her cheeks._

_“You sure can, honey. And you will.” Gram goes to sit beside her and wraps an arm around her. “I’ve had such a great life, I couldn’t ask for more. About the only thing I regret is that I won’t get to see my great grandson grow up to be as amazing as you are. Truth is that I was never going to live long enough to see that anyway, so I’m just thankful that I’ve gotten to see you become such an amazing parent. You are such a good woman, Kit. I’m so proud of you. You have a beautiful and wonderful wife and a perfect son… and you are going to hold it together for them. You’re going to be just fine, honey. You’re going to be way better than fine. You understand me?”_

_“Yeah.” Ashlyn says weakly, turning to pull Gram into a hug and sobbing freely into her shoulder like she did so many times growing up._

_“Just remember that I’m not dying, sweetheart…I’m living right down to the last minute.” Gram says confidently and pulls back enough to wipe Ashlyn’s face with her hands. “You know that I’ll never tell you not to be sad or to hold back your feelings, but I will tell you that you need to hold it together. Don’t fall apart on me, Kit. And more importantly, don’t fall apart on them.”_

_Ashlyn nods and hugs her again. “I love you, Gram. We’ll be here.” She reiterates Ali’s promise._

_“I know, and I love you too, honey.” Gram replies softly. “Come on now, we have a munchkin that needs a bedtime bath and some apple pie that needs eating.” She pulls Ashlyn into the house by the hand._

_“I love you, Ash. We can do this.” Ali whispers softly a few times, her hands running gently through her wife’s short hair as Ashlyn cries in her arms for hours that night. She doesn’t ask if she’s okay or if she can do anything, because she knows the answer is no to both. She just holds her and lets her break, reminds her that she’s here to help pick up the pieces even when her own heart is shattered._

_Only a few days later they move to Satellite Beach, leaving Swish with Kyle and renting a small home on the same block as Gram and Gramp’s place since they sold Ashlyn’s old beach house last year. It becomes clear right away how Ashlyn is going to cope. Mostly they don’t talk about it and everyone stays optimistic and goes about each day like everything is pretty normal. Ashlyn keeps herself occupied, busying herself with household tasks and the logistics of everything. It’s the same approach that Gramp seems to be taking. Oddly, it’s Ashlyn’s quiet nightly crying in her arms that feels the most comforting in a way… comforting because it’s the one time of day that feels the most real and genuine amongst the routine of normalcy they are maintaining most of time._

_Ali copes in her own way, focusing on taking care of everyone and putting her heart into the upcoming holidays. If this is going to be the last Thanksgiving and Christmas they spend together as a family, she wants them to be the most memorable…the ones they never forget, the ones that always bring a smile with the memories._

_With the usual crew of family and friends gathered in Satellite Beach for Thanksgiving and Christmas, the atmosphere is positive and joyful, one that allows them all to forget why they are in there instead of in Miami as in prior years. C.J. becomes the focal point, everyone lavishing him with attention and watching him try to navigate his first holiday season even though he’s too young to really understand it. The highlights are when he spits his first bite of turkey in Ashlyn’s face and looks at her like she poisoned him, and when he pulls off Kyle’s fake beard after he insisted on dressing like Santa on Christmas Eve._

_There’s a nice quieter couple of weeks after Christmas just before everyone gathers again for C.J.’s first birthday. Gram is pretty peppy over those weeks and then has a real burst of energy on C.J.’s birthday, baking up a storm, cooking a full dinner and several desserts for the occasion on top of the amazing Curious George cake she made. Watching her in her element and appearing so vibrant really lifts everyone’s spirits, especially Ashlyn and Gramp who are smiling more than they have in weeks despite both of them fighting the flu._

_“Need some help?” Gram asks, coming out onto the patio to find Ashlyn cleaning the grill while Ali finally puts the birthday boy to bed after his feeding._

_“You should have gone to bed like an hour ago.” Ashlyn shakes her head._

_“I can sleep when I’m dead.” Gram shrugs._

_“Not funny.” Ashlyn raises her eyebrows._

_“Oh Kit, you gotta lighten up. Besides you’re the one who should be in bed with that awful cold.” Gram points a finger at her and sits down on one of the chairs._

_“I’m fine, Gram.” Ashlyn assures her._

_“Are you really though?” Gram shoots her a look._

_“I’m not gonna lie to you.” Ashlyn replies._

_“You never have, but that doesn’t answer my question.” Gram presses._

_“Of course I’m not okay.” Ashlyn says evenly and looks up at the sky. “You know, seeing you so energetic today and just doing your thing like always… made it all feel like it wasn’t real. It was nice and also really hard. How are you really feeling?”_

_“I felt as good as I looked today. To be honest, that scares me more than if I wasn’t feeling well.” Gram reveals._

_“Me too.” Ashlyn swallows hard. “So, you’re scared?”_

_“I’d be a fool not to be with so much unknown. Wouldn’t you be?” Gram asks._

_“Yeah, I guess I would.” Ashlyn admits._

_“But, being scared doesn’t mean I’m not at peace with it, honey.” Gram says softly and watches Ashlyn nod. “You’re going to have to find that within yourself too.”_

_“Yeah.” Ashlyn replies simply and looks at the ground._

_“You’re an amazing woman, sweetheart. You’ve worked so hard and made me so proud. You truly deserve the world. But do you remember what I’ve always told you, Kit?” Gram asks._

_“I remember. Just because you deserve the world, doesn’t mean that the world just gives it to you. You have to stay after what you want and never take your foot off the gas.” Ashlyn replies._

_“Right. This is no different. You might hit a red light, Kit…but don’t you shut that car off. You be ready for the second you see that green light and hit the gas. You got me?” Gram implores her._

_“I got you.” Ashlyn promises._

_“And if that red light seems way too long… you run the damn light!” Gram chuckles._

_“Easy there, reckless Granny.” Ashlyn smiles back._

_“There’s my smile.” Gram reaches over to squeeze her hand. “Now, a very handsome big one-year-old is waiting for a goodnight kiss. Get going. Just don’t get him sick!”_

_“Yes ma’am.” Ashlyn gives her a quick hug and makes her way inside._

_\------_

_Gram was right, there was more to fear from the seemingly good health. She goes downhill fast the very next day with bad nausea, feeling too weak to be out of bed and sleeping most of the day for the next week before she loses consciousness completely for a couple days. It’s more peaceful than any of them anticipated, one minute she’s sleeping and breathing shallowly, the next she’s gone._

_Ali waits for the sobbing at night, the devastation to hit her wife as the reality sinks in, but it doesn’t come. She’s the one that cries while Ashlyn holds her and seems eerily calm and put together. Over the next week, Ashlyn is really quiet and focuses completely on three things: funeral logistics, C.J., and Gramp who is still fighting his flu. All Ali can do is help where she can and worry about whether this lack of emotion from Ashlyn is good or bad. She wonders if her wife is just trying to be strong for Gramp who is having a very hard time, but she doesn’t want to push her too soon and tries give her the time to work through things on her own. Still, it’s concerning and she feels helpless just waiting._

_She doesn’t have to wait long. Gramp’s fever spikes the day after the funeral and he’s admitted to the hospital, the testing showing a severe case of sepsis stemming from the upper respiratory infection he has been fighting since just after new year. In a mixed blessing of sorts, something that they probably should have seen coming… he dies just two days later. And just like that, her wife’s strong reliable roots are gone and Ashlyn completely shatters before her eyes._

_This is what Ali had been expecting and steeled herself for, the overwhelming emotion from her wife, the deep sense of loss. She’s prepared and does everything to be Ashlyn’s rock, but nearly a month later she realizes she wasn’t nearly as prepared as she thought. The crying and despair in Ashlyn quickly turns back into an obsession with being busy and an indifference that is, for lack of a better word, troubling. As soon as they make it back to Miami, Ashlyn is at the restaurant non-stop and when she’s not there she finds a million other little chores to do._

_For months, the only time Ali sees glimpses of the old Ashlyn are when she is with C.J. For him she is put together and her normal self. But as soon as C.J. is in bed, it’s all replaced with a vacantness, a shell of a person just going through the motions. Their conversations rarely go beyond small talk or daily planning and the night always ends in a chaste kiss before Ashlyn rolls over to her side of the bed._

_Ali does her best to understand, does her best to give it time. She tries a couple Tater-tot casserole requests, but while Ashlyn will admit to being sad, she offers nothing beyond that and silence follows. She asks Josh and Kyle for some help when she really gets desperate, but they get the same response._

_“How did it go? Anything?” Ali asks anxiously, having snuck outside to the patio to call Kyle once Ashlyn fell asleep. She had seen her freshly faded hair and had hoped for the best._

_“I’m sorry, booboo. Nothing.” Kyle replies sympathetically. “She really won’t open up. She used to be pretty good at spilling things while I cut her hair, but not this time. She just says she’s feeling down and really missing her grandparents, but that she’s fine.”_

_“She’s obviously not fine.” Ali sighs deeply. “Fuck, Kyle. I can’t keep living like this. I don’t know what to do. I’ve tried everything and she’s like a damn robot. I…I don’t even…” She chokes back a few sobs. “I don’t even know if she loves me anymore.”_

_“Oh, Alex. I don’t think that’s true.” Kyle comforts her. “She’s just really depressed, honey. This is really tricky.”_

_“I don’t know. Her eyes are just so empty…she just doesn’t look at me like…” Ali lets out another sob, not even able to finish the sentence. “She hasn’t even kissed me properly in like four months. The room just keeps filling up awkwardly with all the shit we don’t say to each other, you know?”_

_“Maybe you need to tell her that.” Kyle suggests. “Maybe she needs to understand that she’s not just hurting herself.”_

_“That’s really selfish, Ky. I can’t do that.” Ali replies flatly._

_“Maybe, but it’s not fair to you either, Al. You need to take care of yourself and C.J., you need to level with her. You deserve better for yourself and so does she.” Kyle encourages further._

_“She’s great with C.J., that hasn’t changed.” Ali replies. “And Swish… she talks to the dog more than she talks to me.”_

_“I know what you’re saying. But she’s not doing your family any favors by letting your relationship break down.” Kyle says honestly. “C.J. is taking in every interaction between you two whether you realize it or not, and that is very broken.”_

_“Yeah.” Ali whispers._

_“I’m not saying it needs to happen tomorrow, but I think you really need to talk to her, Alex. I’ll do it with you if you want.” Kyle reiterates._

_“Ok, I’ll think about it.” Ali puts an end to the conversation. “I better go. Thanks for trying tonight.”_

_“Anytime. I’m sorry, booboo. Hang in there. I love you.” Kyle replies as he frowns, glad she can’t see his face over the phone._

_“I love you too. Night.” Ali hangs up and makes her way back inside, slipping into bed quietly and crying herself to sleep like she does most nights now._

_Ali wakes up the next morning, unsurprised to find the bed next to her empty and the sheets cold as usual with Ashlyn having left for the restaurant already. “At least you’re always here, my loyal boy.” She scratches Swish’s ears from where he is laying by her feet. Once C.J. is up, she feeds him and puts him in the play saucer while she showers, the conversation with Kyle last night running through her mind. If nothing else, she needs to take better care of her own needs._

_She quickly calls Deb and does something she hasn’t done in a long time. She goes shopping and treats herself to some new clothes and shoes and she even gets her hair and nails done after Deb insists on taking C.J. for lunch so she can have some time to herself. By late afternoon, she feels a bit more refreshed and she’s starting to wonder if maybe Kyle is right. She asks Deb to take C.J. for the night and commits to making a really nice romantic dinner in hopes that it sparks some kind of conversation with Ashlyn or, at the very least, some kind of warmth towards each other._

_The text comes just as she is setting the table and expecting Ashlyn to walk in at any moment._

_Kidney Express: Busy at the restaurant, so won’t be home for dinner. Eat without me, sorry._

_The anger and desperation hit her hard. She doesn’t bother to reply, instead just sitting on one of the counter stools wringing her hands together while she stews. She feels hurt, and angry, and sad, and just ready to explode. She makes her way to the bedroom with a glass of wine, just ready to sleep and forget tonight when the wooden box sitting on the bottom shelf of her night stand catches her eye. She quickly grabs it and looks through the envelopes, urgently searching for something that will make it ok. She opens the first envelope that makes her pause: ‘Open when… You need to know just how much I love you’._

_My heart and soul,_

_Alex, I’m sorry to say that try as I might, I could never find the words to express just how much I love you. I could say repeatedly that you are my whole world, my heart, my soul, my everything, and all that is good and pure, but that would never be enough. I honestly can’t tell you just how much I love you. But no matter what, I can always make you feel it. I can’t tell you, but I can show you. No matter what is happening or where I am, no matter why you opened this letter… just come find me. Come find me, Alex...look into my eyes and tell me that you need to know how much I love you. I’m always ready to show you, love._

_Love,_

_Your Hot Marshmallow that loves you endlessly and always_

_She cries for at least an hour with the letter in her shaking hands, unable to move. It means everything and nothing as the words ‘come find me’ repeat over and over again in her mind. She feels selfish and stupid and resigns herself to just going to bed again. She brushes her teeth and is startled by her own reflection in the mirror, her eyes looking just as empty as Ashlyn’s. She splashes some water on her face and looks again, this time feeling an almost angry determination taking over. She deserves better… she deserves her wife that she has given her all to, she deserves the woman who wrote this letter, and she deserves to be loved. Her eyes fall on the letter sitting on the counter, the words ‘come find me’ popping out again. She doesn’t hesitate another second, fixing her hair and make-up and jumping into the car._

_“Ash, do you have a minute?” Ali keeps her tone casual, trying not to attract any attention from the kitchen staff._

_“Uh…” Ashlyn stutters a bit in surprise to see Ali pop up in the kitchen. “Can it wait until we get home?” She keeps working on the dish she is plating._

_“No, it can’t. I need a minute.” Ali says more firmly and watches Ashlyn nod and drop the dish towel hanging from her shoulder onto the counter before following Ali into the office._

_“Where’s C.J.?” Ashlyn inquires as she shuts the door._

_“My mom has him for the night.” Ali answers matter-of-factly._

_“Al, we’re pretty busy and we close in an hour…can we just…” Ashlyn stops mid-sentence as Ali gets in her space._

_“No, it can’t wait. I need a minute of your time, Ashlyn.” Ali locks right onto her eyes, her chest almost touching her wife’s._

_“Ok.” Ashlyn concedes and swallows hard at the lump that suddenly forms when her eyes find Ali’s. She hasn’t dared to hold her gaze in months, afraid of what she would see. This is exactly what she was afraid of, the hurt in those eyes practically crippling her right now as her stomach drops to the floor. She wants to say something, but she can barely breathe as Ali hands go to her cheeks._

_“I know it’s selfish…” Ali’s voice shakes. “But I…I can’t… I just don’t know if…” She finds herself stuttering and takes a deep breath. She takes the letter out of her back pocket and presses it to Ashlyn’s chest. “I need to know how much you love me, Ashlyn…if you still do.”_

_Ashlyn’s eyes close before a single tear rolls down her cheek, her bottom lip quivers and she doesn’t say a word. She just takes Ali’s hand and turns around, leading them out of the restaurant and over to the back door of the salon where she fumbles with the keys for a few seconds before getting it unlocked._

_The sauna is not nearly as hot as the last time they were in here like this, it’s only mildly stuffy since the salon has been closed for a couple hours already. Ali is grateful for that because she already feels like she might pass out when Ashlyn lifts her onto the wooden bench and holds her face. Her wife’s eyes are wild and feral looking and it automatically stirs something physical, her core hot and tingling even while her emotions are all over the place. She doesn’t even have time to understand it before Ashlyn’s mouth is on hers in a bruising kiss, hands immediately wandering all over each other while clothing is literally torn off in a frenzy. It’s carnal and rough, much too rough for two people who haven’t had sex in over six months. Teeth drag over every inch of available skin, fingers pinch and pull, nails scratch and dig into soft flesh as both bodies get marked._

_Ali lets out a deep, loud grunt as Ashlyn’s hips press her into the bench and fingers enter her without warning. “Fuck me.” She begs in a growl, just needing to feel something more as her hands squeeze the back of Ashlyn’s shoulders hard and the room practically spins._

_Those two words make Ashlyn stop dead in her tracks. Her fingers stilling, her grip on Ali loosening. Ali’s eyes open to find hers and the tears just fall uncontrollably._

_Ali opens her eyes when the deep thrust she was expecting doesn’t come and Ashlyn’s arms seem to go slack around her. The wild look in green-swirled hazel is gone, replaced with a sadness and terror that makes her tremble inside. It’s only seconds before tears pour out of those eyes and Ashlyn’s whole body convulses against her._

_“It’s ok, Ash. It’s ok, baby. I love you. I always love you.” Ali whispers repeatedly in her ear and holds her tight against her chest for what must easily be half an hour before the sobs die down._

_“You shouldn’t.” Ashlyn croaks out almost inaudibly._

_“But I do. I love you, Ashlyn Harris. Just like always, and more everyday.” Ali says as she pulls back enough to find her eyes again. They’re red and puffy and wet from tears, but they’ve changed. There’s that look…the one she hasn’t seen in months…the only one she needs to know it’ll be ok._

_“Alex…I…” Ashlyn tries, but her voice squeaks and cuts out._

_“Shhh. It’s ok, baby. Just show me.” Ali kisses her softly. “Show me. Love me.” She directs Ashlyn’s hand back between her legs. “Show me.” She repeats in a whisper and gently presses her own fingers into her wife, her heart racing at the soft gasp she gets in response._

_It’s incredibly slow and deliberate, their movements so gentle in each other’s depths, and still, the sweat drips off of them and they are as breathless as if it was more physically exerting. It’s passionate and loving, more shared between them without words than ever before. For all the amazing sex they have had, it has never been like this, never been this level of intense, never meant this much. They work hard to hold on for as long as possible, work to find the release together… and when it finally erupts, it leaves nothing behind. Both of them are left desperately panting for air, bodies shaking and clutched to each other with eyes tightly squeezed shut._

_Ali doesn’t know how long that moment lasts or even how long her eyes are closed, not even fully sure that she didn’t pass out or fall asleep. All she knows is that when she opens them, green-swirled hazel are locked onto her, the look in them intensely loving but also scared and filled with tears again._

_“I’m so sorry, Alex. I’m so sorry. I love you. I’ll get help. I’ll do whatever you want. I love you so much. Please don’t leave me.” Ashlyn begs in a tiny voice that practically breaks Ali’s heart._

_“Hey, I’m not going anywhere. I’m right here, Ash. I’ll always be right here.” Ali soothes her and strokes her cheeks, doing her best to wipe the tears. “I know you love me. I know that, I just needed to be reminded. I’m sorry too. I love you, baby. From the end to the beginning and back. I love you, Ashlyn.”_

_“I don’t deserve you.” Ashlyn whispers out as Ali hugs her tight again._

_“Of course you do. And I deserve you. Perfect match, remember?” Ali says confidently as she gently runs a hand repeatedly through Ashlyn’s short hair. “We’re ok, baby. It’s gonna be ok. Just let me in, love.”_

_“We’ll be ok.” Ashlyn does her best to believe in the words._

_“No… we are ok.” Ali corrects and pulls again back to find her eyes. “We’re already ok. The rest we’ll figure out. I love you.”_

_“I love you too.” Ashlyn repeats as a sense of relief takes over, a greater feeling of calm inside than she has felt in what seems like forever. “I’m still really sorry. I’ll get things right, I promise you.”_

_“I know you will and I’ll be right there with you. I just need you to talk to me and be honest, love. You’re never alone.” Ali assures her. “Also, you owe me like a million shopping and ice cream trips.” She smiles with a little laugh._

_“I definitely do.” Ashlyn gives her a dimpled grin. “I missed that laugh.” She adds, just now realizing how far she’s dragged Ali down with her._

_“I missed that dimple.” Ali replies. “Come on, you. Let’s salvage whatever is left of this clothes and go home.”_

_“You are my home, always have been, always will be.” Ashlyn says softly and holds Ali a bit tighter again, placing a tender kiss on her lips._

_“Charmer.” Ali smiles widely and lightly taps Ashlyn’s nose._

_“Beautiful, perfect, angel.” Ashlyn replies, because nothing could be truer right now. Her wife has never looked more beautiful than in this moment when everything broken between them feels whole again._

_\----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------_

“He smelled like coffee for weeks.” Ali can’t help but laugh to herself at the picture of C.J. dressed up for Halloween as she gently runs her hand up and down Ashlyn’s forearm. It was the first Halloween that he sort of understood what was going on. The prior year he was only about 8 months old and they had just put him in a skeleton onesie and stayed home to hand out candy. Ashlyn had refused to let another Halloween go by without a proper costume for C.J. and some trick or treating.

_“Ash, look at this. Isn’t it cute?” Ali holds up a dinosaur costume at Target, glad that C.J. is in the toy aisle with Deb at the moment so he doesn’t see it._

_“Yeah, it’s adorable.” Ashlyn agrees before realizing why Ali is holding it up. “Woah, hold up. You know we’re not buying him a costume, right?”_

_“What, why?” Ali asks a bit befuddled at her wife’s sudden seriousness._

_“Al, that’s like half the fun of Halloween. Costumes totally suck these days because they’re all store bought crap. Hell no, we are making one for him. Homemade costumes are the best.” Ashlyn says adamantly._

_“Well then I sure hope you’re prepared to make it, cause I’m not exactly Suzy Homemaker when it comes to that stuff.” Ali shoots her a look._

_“I got this, baby. Trust me.” Ashlyn assures her._

_“Ok.” Ali sighs and hangs the dinosaur costume back on the rack._

_“Hey little man, come here.” Ashlyn interrupts Kyle and C.J.’s lego building time when she realizes Halloween is next week and she still hasn’t figured out his costume. “So, remember how I said that you get to dress up next week for Halloween and that you can dress up like anything you want to be that day, just like pretend?” She re-explains to him before getting to the real question._

_“I member, Mama.” C.J. replies, his language at least understandable these days._

_“Great. So, what do you want to be?” Ashlyn asks._

_“Cowboy!” He answers immediately and starts bouncing on her lap. “Cowboy, cowboy!”_

_“Of course.” Ali rolls her eyes a bit from where she is sitting in the reclining chair. Ever since Kyle watched Toy Story with him last month, C.J. has been obsessed with Woody._

_“Well, that makes my job easy.” Ashlyn says happily, relieved she doesn’t have to do all that much for the costume._

_“My man!” Kyle holds his hand out for C.J. who gives him a high-five with a closed fist._

_“I swear there’s something wrong about your gay brother bonding with your son over a cowboy named Woody. It’s like Disney meets Brokeback Mountain.” Ali pipes up again._

_“Well it wasn’t wrong until you said that!” Kyle laughs and looks at her incredulously._

_“I’m with him on that one.” Deb joins in and shakes her head. “Gross, Alex.”_

_“Sorry…I guess I’m just over the nightly reading of that Woody Adventure book.” Ali huffs. “Very, very over it.” Both she and Ashlyn have contemplated pretending the book is lost on more than one occasion now that they’ve been forced to read the same book at bedtime for weeks now, but C.J. loves it so much that they don’t have the heart to do it._

_“There is a special place in hell reserved for the author of that book.” Ashlyn commiserates._

_“Woody hell Broker Mount!” C.J. says proudly._

_“Nice.” Deb shakes her head at them again._

_“Can’t blame me this time!” Kyle says triumphantly, feeling a bit vindicated after he accidently taught C.J. the word ‘ass’ last week._

_“Come on, sweet boy.” Deb scoops him up. “I’m going to put you to bed and read your Woody book before these three corrupt you any further. Go give everyone kisses and say your ga’nights.”_

_“Ok.” C.J. quickly runs around the room a couple times for extra kisses and hugs in an attempt to stall bedtime. “Mama, you make me cowboy?” He asks Ashlyn excitedly._

_“I sure will, love bug. I’ll make you the best cowboy ever!” Ashlyn ruffles his dark wavy hair._

_“Ok, I’m impressed.” Ali freely admits when C.J. comes into the kitchen dressed like an adorable cowboy on Halloween evening. He’s wearing blue jeans, a tucked in yellow and brown plaid shirt, a cow print vest with a silver sheriff star pinned on it, a brown pair of little cowboy boots, and a brown cowboy hat to top it off. She knew Ashlyn would do a good job, but this exceeds expectations. Even better is that C.J. is thrilled that he looks like Woody even while his costume looks much more unique than the store-bought version._

_Unfortunately, they hadn’t gotten out of C.J.’s other request that everyone else dress up as Toy Story characters too. He specifically demanded that Ali be Jessie, Kyle be Buzz Lightyear, and Deb be Bo Peep. Unfortunately for Ashlyn, he had chosen his second favorite character for her… Mr. Potato Head._

_“And you doubted me.” Ashlyn shoots her wife a playful look as they take some pictures of C.J. next to Swish who is dressed like Zig-Zag the slinky dog._

_“Never doubted you for second, Spud.” Ali belly laughs at her own pun. “Spud, Stud…get it?”_

_“Good one, baby.” Ashlyn rolls her eyes playfully. “You, on the other hand, make an incredibly hot Jessie.” Ashlyn leans over a bit to look down Ali’s low-cut plaid shirt before leaning in for a lingering kiss. “If you’re not careful, Mr. Potato Head might turn into Woody really fast.” She mumbles against Ali’s lips with a smile._

_“Oh my god! I heard that! Seriously?!” Kyle yells as he stumbles into the kitchen after hitting the doorframe with his Buzz Lightyear wings. “You are one dirty potato, All-star!” He wags his finger at them. “And you think I’m a bad influence!”_

_“You are.” Ali shrugs._

_“Annnyway… he looks so cute.” Kyle praises Ashlyn’s costume._

_“Yeah, I still feel like he’s too much Woody and not quite enough cowboy. I was hoping for a little more rustic.” Ashlyn muses as she looks C.J. over._

_“Well outside of a five o’clock shadow, I’m not sure how much more rustic you can get.” Kyle jokes._

_“Bingo! That’s it!” Ashlyn exclaims._

_“What’s it?” Ali questions at her wife’s sudden outburst._

_“Come here, C.J.! Be right back.” Ashlyn says as she grabs the bag of coffee off of the counter and pulls C.J. into the bathroom._

_“What was that about?” Deb asks as she walks into the kitchen just in time to witness Ashlyn dashing into the bathroom with C.J._

_“No idea.” Ali replies and Kyle just shrugs._

_Ten minutes later, all three of them are dumbfounded when C.J. emerges with a perfect stubbly-looking beard on his face._

_“Look Mommy, I just like Unka Kyle!” C.J. says proudly._

_“You sure do, love bug.” Ali laughs. “What on earth did you do?” She looks at Ashlyn._

_“Relax, it’s just vaseline on his face with coffee grounds stuck to it. Boom, instant five o’clock shadow!” Ashlyn grins just as proudly as C.J. “Brilliant, right?”_

_“Not sure I’d jump right to brilliant.” Ali shakes her head._

_“I kinda like it. Very clever.” Deb takes a few pictures of C.J. on her phone._

_“You’re deranged, All-star, but I’m all for a nice well-groomed beard.” Kyle chuckles and picks up C.J. “Come on, buddy… we bearded guys get to trick or treat together!”_

_“Yay!” C.J. shouts happily. “We go now?”_

_“Let’s do it.” Ashlyn agrees, and starts to follow Deb and Kyle out of the kitchen when Ali pulls her back._

_“You realize you’re cleaning that all off of his face tonight, right?” Ali raises her eyebrow._

_“Absolutely.” Ashlyn holds up three fingers in a scout’s honor._

_“You’re ridiculous. And absurd. And somehow manage to make a Mr. Potato Head costume look really sexy.” Ali pulls her in by the front of her costume and kisses her hard. “And I love you.”_

_“I love you too.” Ashlyn smiles at her smugly. “But now I don’t know whether to pick trick… or treat.” She waggles her eyebrows._

_“Play your cards right and you’ll get both.” Ali smirks and kisses down Ashlyn’s jaw. “Keep looking at me like that and I’ll play with your whole bucket of parts, Mr. Potato Head.”_

_“Fuck.” Ashlyn whispers, closing her eyes as Ali gets to her pulse point, opening them again when her wife suddenly gets yanked away and yelps._

_“Trick or treat time, you two naughty sheep! Let’s go already!” Deb yells out as she hooks Ali around the waist with her shepherd’s staff and pulls her away._

_\--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------_

“Don’t get me wrong, I’ve loved all the pets we’ve had… well maybe not that nasty iguana… but Swish was the best. That dog still owns a piece of my heart.” Ali admits as she looks over a page filled with just pictures of what they’ve always said was their first born fur-baby.

_“Mommy, Swishy no eat his dinner!” C.J. yells through the kitchen as he runs around the counter in a blue cape._

_“Indoor voice, buddy.” Ashlyn reminds him._

_“Hmmm.” Ali hums as she looks over from the sink where she is washing the dishes and sees that Swish’s bowl is still full. He’s usually eats it in less than two minutes and before they even have a chance to sit down for dinner. “C.J., did you give him the jar of peanut butter again?” Ali asks with raised eyebrows._

_“No, Mommy.” C.J. replies earnestly._

_“Did you accidently leave your Valentine’s Day chocolate out somewhere?” Ashlyn checks, remembering the last time Swish got sick from eating a chocolate bar from C.J.’s Christmas stocking._

_“Nope, I ate it all.” C.J. smiles._

_“Of course you did.” Ali shakes her head. “Did you give him any of your food today?” She questions again._

_“No, no, Mommy!” C.J. replies with some annoyance now. “I give him no snacks!” He insists._

_“Ok, lil man. We’re just making sure.” Ashlyn calms him down and makes her way over to Swish who is curled up in his dog bed near the dining room. “Hey bud, you feeling ok?” She says softly as she scratches his ears. Swish perks right up and walks over to the mudroom to pull at his leash with his mouth. “Guess so.” Ashlyn laughs. “You ok with bath time if I go walk him?” She asks Ali._

_“Yep, I’m on it.” Ali smiles and puckers her lips until Ashlyn walks over to give her a kiss._

_“Me too, Mama!” C.J. puckers up like Ali._

_“Oh well you get an extra big one.” Ashlyn kisses him all over his face._

_“Well that’s not fair.” Ali pretends to pout._

_“I’ll make it up to you later.” Ashlyn winks._

_“What’s later?” C.J. asks curiously._

_“Oh um, pajama party for me and Mama.” Ali covers._

_“Oh. Special party cause you no wear pajamas, right?” C.J. says proudly._

_“Um, right.” Ashlyn scratches the back of her head while Ali buries her face in her hands. They had changed his crib to a toddler bed last month and although they always locked the door when having sex, he had surprised them a couple times with an earlier than normal wake up time and caught them in bed without clothes on. Given that he often hung around the bathroom while they got ready in the morning, it didn’t faze him one bit to see them naked._

_“I think we’re gonna start making sure we wear pajamas a lot more from now on.” Ali says with a little smile._

_“Bummer.” Ashlyn chuckles. “Ok my genius of a 3-year-old… bath and bed time. I’ll be in to say goodnight when I get back from walking Swish.”_

_“Ok, Mama! Zooooom!” C.J. does a few more superhero laps around the counter as Ashlyn puts the leash on Swish._

_“Was the food not up to par tonight, my canine connoisseur?” Ashlyn playfully teases Swish as they walk down the beach. He’s walking along energetically like usual which eases her mind about his uneaten dinner. “Should I make you a burger?” She adds and gets a little bark. “Of course.” She laughs._

_They actually do have half a leftover burger in the fridge from Ali threatening C.J. that he’d have to eat his unfinished lunch for dinner. Of course they hadn’t followed through on that and it was still sitting there. “Here you go, bud.” Ashlyn tosses Swish the burger and watches him eat it eagerly. “Well, you’re not getting another one until you finish your dog food, young man.” She points to his bowl and watches him cock his head to the side. “Yeah, I know. Empty threat around here, obviously.” She laughs as she holds up the wrapper from the burger and balls it in her hand to throw it away._

_“How’s Swish? Was the walk ok?” Ali asks as Ashlyn walks into their bedroom._

_“Yep, he was totally normal and even wolfed down the rest of C.J.’s hamburger from earlier.” Ashlyn replies._

_“You are such a pushover, marshmallow.” Ali teases._

_“Harsh.” Ashlyn plays back._

_“Urine love with me.” Ali kisses her cheek._

_“Sure am.” Ashlyn smiles._

_“Charmer. Go kiss your kid goodnight so you can come kiss the other one.” Ali smiles back._

_“Other one?” Ashlyn’s forehead scrunches in confusion._

_“Yep, your kid-ney.” Ali lifts her shirt and runs her finger down the scar on her lower stomach. “You gave me a kid and a kid-ney…so, two kids.”_

_“Soooo lame, baby.” Ashlyn laughs. “But I’ll kiss anything you want.”_

_“You always do. And I have a lot I want kissed tonight.” Ali smirks._

_“Oh really? Thought we were having a pajama party?” Ashlyn teasingly challenges._

_“We are…” Ali quickly strips down to nothing and reaches for both her pajamas and Ashlyn’s that were folded on the bed, throwing them over her head and into the air. “Party!”_

_“Easy there, player.” Ashlyn swallows hard as she watches Ali’s perfect breasts bounce slightly, her well-defined biceps showing prominently as she tosses their pajamas. “Five minutes and I’ll be back for the fiesta.” She winks._

_“Hurry.” Ali winks back and lays down on the bed, running a hand down her inner thigh._

_“Jesus fucking Christ.” Ashlyn whispers and takes a deep breath, literally running down the hallway to C.J.’s room._

_“Mama! Mommy!” C.J. voice yells out with a loud bang on the door._

_“Ugh.” Ashlyn picks her head up off the pillow and looks at the clock to see 6:10am. “Nope.” She drops her head back down and pulls Ali’s naked butt into her hips even further, leaving a few kisses on the back of her neck as she holds her wife more snuggly._

_“Mmm, that’s really nice.” Ali mumbles groggily just as C.J. pounds harder on the door. “Too bad we have to get up. Bonus points that we left the door locked this time.”_

_“I don’t wanna.” Ashlyn whines._

_“You’re the one who knocked me up.” Ali jokes and turns around to give Ashlyn a quick kiss._

_“Good thing he’s adorable.” Ashlyn sighs._

_“Just like his Mama.” Ali kisses her again, the pounding on the door getting louder._

_“Stop buttering me up, Hello Kidney.” Ashlyn eyes her suspiciously. “Let me guess, you want pancakes?”_

_“Yes please.” Ali smiles widely._

_“I could never say no to that smile. So beautiful, baby.” Ashlyn runs a hand up the brunette’s side._

_“MAMA! MOMMY! HUNGRY!” C.J. screams at the top of his lungs._

_“Ok, ok, I’m up!” Ashlyn yells back and pops out of bed, looking around the floor for where her pajamas landed when Ali tossed them last night._

_“And I could never say no to that ass.” Ali reaches over and lightly smacks it._

_“Oh well, in that case…” Ashlyn sticks her butt out closer to Ali’s face and wiggles it a bit. “Please make the coffee?”_

_“Weirdo.” Ali smacks Ashlyn’s butt again. “But yes, I’ll make the coffee.”_

_“MAAAAMMMAA!” C.J. stomps outside the door._

_“OK!” Ashlyn quickly throws her clothes on._

_“Still didn’t eat that, bud?” Ashlyn says to Swish as he lays in bed, his food bowl still full._

_“He obviously isn’t going to. I think he’s just holding out for the pork chops from dinner last night. Just give it up and give the dog what he wants, marshmallow.” Ali says as she turns on the coffee pot._

_“Now who’s the pushover?” Ashlyn raises an eyebrow at her even as she grabs the Tupperware of pork chops from last night._

_“Hmmph.” Ali says as she watches Swish sniff at the pork chops and go back to his bed. He’s never passed up leftovers before._

_“Maybe I should take him to get checked. Who knows if he ate something he shouldn’t have or even one of C.J. toys.” Ashlyn suggests._

_“Good idea. I’ll make the appointment.” Ali grabs the phone and settles C.J. into his high chair with some cereal so she can call._

_“It’s what?” Ashlyn asks in disbelief._

_“He has a tumor in his stomach. I can biopsy it and get lab results, but given the location and size, I’m 99% sure it’s cancerous and very aggressive. There appears to be some shadowing showing on the liver too, which suggests that there has been some spreading.” The vet explains._

_“Jesus.” Ashlyn sinks down into the chair in the room and lets out a deep breath. “So, do we do surgery? Some kind of chemo? I know nothing about this.” She tries to ask the right questions._

_“I’m sorry, Mrs. Harris. There really isn’t much we can do other than pain management.” The vet says sympathetically. “Cancer like this is not all that uncommon to his breed and it’s pretty silent until it’s far too advanced to treat. He wouldn’t survive the removal of a tumor this size, and that likely wouldn’t cure the spreading of it on top of that. I’m so very sorry.”_

_“Oh man.” Ashlyn whispers and reaches down to pet Swish’s head, her eyes burning as she tries to hold back tears. “So, what can we do? How long?”_

_“We can give him some pain medication that will help improve his mood and even appetite, but euthanasia is what you need to plan for. Usually a rupture of the tumor will occur and cause fatal bleeding. Given the size of the tumor, I could estimate that being anywhere from two to four weeks. Maybe about a week before he gets really lethargic and unresponsive despite the pain medication. If it was me, I’d schedule it for next week.” The vet levels with her as gently as he can._

_“Ok. Thank you.” Ashlyn nods weakly. It’s all she can manage._

_“Again, I’m very sorry and please know that we are here 24 hours a day to help. Let us know if we can do anything for you.” The vet adds before patting her gently on the shoulder and giving Swish a quick pet on the head and making his way out of the room._

_“I’m so sorry, buddy.” Ashlyn kneels down and pulls Swish into a hug, feeling him lick her ear. “Promise we’ll take good care of you.” She squeaks out as a tear falls. She quickly wipes it off of her face, oddly feeling like she needs to keep it together in front of Swish._

_“So what did the vet say it was…chocolate bar or lego?” Ali asks jokingly as Ashlyn walks in the door with Swish in tow._

_“Um…do you think your mom could maybe take C.J. for the night?” Ashlyn doesn’t play back._

_“Shit. Ash?” Ali’s face drops._

_“Just call your mom, ok?” Ashlyn pulls Ali into a quick hug and heads to the bathroom before she loses her composure._

_As soon as C.J. is out the door with his overnight bag, Ashlyn sits with Ali on the couch and breaks the news. They both cry for a while and then take a quiet walk with Swish along the beach._

_“I know we don’t exactly have a choice, but like…what do we do?” Ashlyn asks quietly, holding Ali tightly as the brunette sits between her legs on the sand and leans back into her chest._

_“We schedule it for next week.” Ali says with as much determination as she can muster while she watches Swish play along the edge of the water. “We don’t want him to suffer at all, so I don’t think we chance waiting longer than that.”_

_“Yeah, ok.” Ashlyn lets out a deep breath._

_“You ok?” Ali asks._

_“Not really.” Ashlyn admits. “You?”_

_“Same. Still can’t believe it.” Ali replies sadly. “We just have to remember that he was a stray and had no one… we gave him a really great life.”_

_“You’re right. We did.” Ashlyn agrees._

_“And let’s give him the best week ever.” Ali suggests._

_“Yeah?” Ashlyn asks._

_“Yeah. We’ll make this whole week all about him… lots of walks, dog park, endless basketball, treats, good food, let him sleep on the bed or in C.J.’s room…whatever he wants. We won’t waste another minute.” Ali says resolutely._

_“Give everything.” Ashlyn adds their usual motto._

_“Exactly.” Ali leans her head back and kisses her wife’s cheek._

_“I love that.” Ashlyn squeezes Ali in her arms._

_Me too.” Ali says and then moves to get up, letting out a loud whistle. “Come on, boy! Skirt steak in our bed for dinner!” She yells and Swish comes running at full speed._

_\-------_

_“Mama, Swish left toys out again!” C.J. says as he pulls out an old chew bone from under the coffee table while they watch Toy Story for the millionth time._

_It has been just under a month since they put Swish down. The two women had done it together, both holding him and whispering comforting things until the very end. It had been quicker and more peaceful than either of them expected, and even though the loss was hard, having had that last amazing week had made a huge difference in coping with it. They just have gotten back to some sense of normalcy now with the exception that C.J. doesn’t always fully understand or remember what happened to Swish._

_“Yeah, that’s an old toy of Swish’s. Remember that he died and he’s not here with us anymore?” Ashlyn reminds him truthfully and gently as she takes the bone from him._

_“Oh yeah.” C.J. replies. “And I draw my picture so I can see him.” He points to a drawing on the wall that barely resembles a dog._

_“Right, so you can remember him.” Ali says and watches their son nod and settle back on the couch. “Sweet boy.” She whispers and ruffles his hair while she smiles at Ashlyn who entwines their hands. It’s in moments like these when it really hits her how fast C.J. is growing up, how quickly three years went by. Tonight it seems to hit a bit harder._

_“Hey Ash?” Ali says into the dark room, knowing her wife is still awake because her hand is running up and down her back._

_“What’s up, beautiful?” Ashlyn asks._

_“I think maybe it’s the right time to adopt.” Ali throws it out there before she chickens out._

_“Hmmm. Yeah. I mean, it’s only been like a month…but, it might be good for C.J. too. He could even pick out his own puppy.” Ashlyn considers it and agrees._

_“Oh…uh…no…” Ali tries to steer the conversation in the right direction. “I mean, yes, we can get another puppy. C.J. would like that. But…um… I meant, adopt, adopt…like…”_

_“Oh.” Ashlyn feels her heart flutter a bit as it dawns on her. They had talked about it shortly after C.J. was born, when they realized that Ali getting pregnant again wasn’t realistic given her age and the complications she had with him. They had both agreed that they wanted more kids and that adoption was a good option for them, but in the hustle and bustle of daily life with C.J. they hadn’t talked about it since._

_“Sorry, maybe this was bad timing. I don’t mean to pressure you, just thought maybe…” Ali rambles nervously before she feel Ashlyn’s hand on her cheek._

_“Shhh, no, no. Not bad timing at all.” Ashlyn assures her. “I wasn’t necessarily expecting it, but I’m glad you said it.”_

_“You are?” Ali asks cautiously._

_“Yeah. You know I’ve always wanted to adopt kids and we agreed we probably would. You’re right, C.J. is at the right age now. It’s time we seriously talked about it and figured out our game plan. I’m ready if you are.” Ashlyn kisses Ali’s forehead._

_“I really think I am.” Ali divulges as she plays with the stubbly hair on the back of Ashlyn’s neck._

_“Ok, then let’s spend some time learning about some of the logistics this week after C.J. goes to bed and then schedule an appointment with someone to get started.” Ashlyn suggests, a wave of excited energy flowing through her body._

_“Perfect.” Ali nuzzles her face into the crook of Ashlyn’s neck and leave a few kisses there. “You’re perfect.”_

_“Not as perfect as you.” Ashlyn pulls back a bit to look at her, finding warm cinnamon eyes in the soft glow of the moon streaming in through the large window of their bedroom._

_“Charmer.” Ali smiles. “I think you’re an amazing Mama, Ashlyn Harris.”_

_“And I think you’re an incredible, wonderful, magnificent Mommy, Alex Harris.” Ashlyn returns the compliment. “And I can’t wait to do it all over again with you.”_

_“Me either.” Ali shifts and pulls Ashlyn a little closer so that they’re completely facing each other now, her bare front now pressed directly against her wife’s. “I love you so damn much, Ash.” Her voice husky, their conversation feeling so intimate in this moment._

_“I love you too, beautiful. I love you more every single day, Alex.” Ashlyn replies, her voice so sincere and a little emotional._

_“Show me.” Ali whispers, feeling Ashlyn’s familiar breath hitch as she ghosts her lips over her wife’s._

_“Always.” Ashlyn mutters softly and kisses her deeply before fulfilling the request a few times over the course of the night._

_To be continued…_


	18. Epilogue - Part 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ok, so I totally lied. I said there would be two parts to this ridiculously long epilogue, but as I started writing about their experience as adoptive parents, I had lots of ideas about how I wanted it to go and what came out was much longer than expected (surprise, surprise). So, this epilogue will have three parts! Hopefully that's exciting news for you and not bad news. I will bring it to a conclusion on the next part though. I'm still struggling with a shoulder injury and waiting to schedule surgery for it, so writing is still slow progress and I thank you for your patience. 
> 
> On that note, as usual, this has a little bit of everything in it (smut too) and setup the same as the last part with mostly flashbacks. So, I hope you enjoy this very very long installment (really, you'll probably need water and bathroom breaks) of the longest epilogue known to man! 
> 
> Don't forget to comment and let me know how you're feeling about it :-)

“Hurricane Garcia.” Ali shakes her head as she looks at their first family Christmas photo, the first photo of them all together in this scrapbook actually. It has been a running family joke now that the kids are all grown up, the title they’ve all assigned to that early adjustment period together.

“Now that I think of it though, hurricane isn’t really accurate. I mean, at least a hurricane hits quick and hard and then gives you ample time to recover before the next one hits. This was more like a prolonged monsoon.” Ali leans down and places a gentle kiss on Ashlyn’s forehead. “But your heart, Ash… your golden heart led the way for us. You were so strong for all of us, love. There is no better Mama in this world.” She looks back at the picture and shakes her head again.

They’re all dressed in Christmas print Hawaiian shirts in the living room. Ashlyn is in the center with a smiley C.J. on her lap. Ali is on her left holding their French bulldog puppy, Duncan, who they let C.J. pick out shortly after Swish died. Derek sits to Ashlyn’s right, his expression serious as he discretely holds up a middle finger near his lap. Jade is to his right, her eyes squeezed shut because they had no idea she hated the camera flash. Every time they’ve looked at this photo, they still can’t believe how it all started and where they ended up. It had been the most difficult year of their lives and nothing could have prepared them.

_“Thanks for coming in on such short notice.” Florence, the adoption agency caseworker they recently started working with, sits behind her desk which is a bit cluttered with file folders._

_“Not a problem, you said as soon as we could…so we’re here.” Ashlyn smiles._

_“To be honest, we weren’t expecting to get a call from you for quite a while still.” Ali admits._

_“And I wasn’t expecting to call you for a while still.” Florence smiles back at them. “I know we talked about it being a couple months or more.”_

_After quite a few long discussions between them and a lot of research, the two women had come to a consensus on what their expectations and ideal plans were for adoption. They had started the process with Florence’s help, filling out endless paperwork and going through several interviews and home visits before finally being approved as eligible adoptive parents. It had taken about three months to get through that stage and they had been told it would likely take up to another 6 months to find the right match for them and go through the adoption process. But only three weeks later, here they are._

_“I’m going to just be very honest with you.” Florence starts. “We have a bit of an emergency situation playing out at the moment and the two of you are far from the conventional adoptive parents we usually get in here.”_

_“Like we said, we have a lot of love to give.” Ashlyn entwines her hand with Ali’s and feels the brunette squeeze it._

_“Which is exactly why I’m entertaining this idea. It’s not exactly what we talked about, so I’m just going to lay it out for you as it is and then we can discuss it more and see if it might be option, ok?” Florence says._

_“Absolutely.” Ali replies and Ashlyn nods._

_“The two of you said your ideal would be to adopt older children who perhaps had been in the system for a while and were in most need of adoption. You also indicated that you wouldn’t shy away from adopting siblings. And, you both scored very high on patience and empathy personality traits on the lifestyle questionnaires. So, I didn’t hesitate to call you in here today.” Florence explains and both women nod again._

_“Right now we have a sibling pair in a foster situation that is no longer good for them, a 12-year-boy and his 10-year-old sister. They’ve been in the system since he was 5 and she was 3, immigrants from Cuba who were granted citizenship three years ago given the situation. The back story is that their father left Cuba to work in the U.S. when the little girl was an infant and both children stayed behind with their mother. The plan had apparently been for the father to eventually gain citizenship and bring the rest of the family here. He had been supporting them financially by sending money in the meantime. The mother became terminally ill after two years and had no other family in Cuba. Given the political climate there, she feared what would happen to the kids. So, she sent them off with a friend who she paid to smuggle them into the U.S. They were detained upon arrival, at which time they could not be sent back because the mother had died. They located the father who, as it turns out, had a whole other life with another woman and kids here. He refused to take them in and the state took custody at that point. They’ve been in 8 different foster homes since then. We’ve managed to keep them together to this point, but as things have gone…we don’t currently have a suitable situation and are facing having to separate them.” Florence lays it out._

_Ashlyn’s heart literally hurts, everything aching inside at just the simple history. She feels like she might throw up. She feels Ali reach over and stroke her arm lightly with her free hand, thankful for the contact._

_Ali takes a few deep breaths to stay composed as she listens. They had talked about the potential for getting involved in a difficult situation, but she had no idea how much something like this would affect her when they were actually faced with it. The way Ashlyn is squeezing her hand like a vice tells her everything she needs to know about how her wife is feeling. “So, ideally we would consider adopting them together?” She asks to clarify._

_“Well, sort of. This is what I meant by it not exactly being what we discussed. The two children are not currently eligible for adoption. I’m going to be very honest with you. The boy has a troubled history of criminal behavior and problems in school… shoplifting, underage drinking, fighting, truancy, things like that. The girl doesn’t have this history, but is extremely introverted and not very verbal. It’s not that she can’t be, she’s been tested for being on the autism spectrum and learning disabilities many times and everything checks out fine. She’s actually well-behaved and well-spoken once she becomes comfortable, but seeing as how the longest they’ve been in any home is 2 years…well, adjusting to new situations is hard for her and she’s had little stability.” Florence tells them. “Because of this history, the state’s plan for them is to place them in long-term foster care until a potential foster-to-adoption situation presents itself. Once foster parents commit to adopting them and the situation is right for the children, they would be granted adoption eligibility which would allow the foster parents to adopt them. Make sense?”_

_“Yeah.” Ashlyn whispers and nods, feeling like she wants to cry. Who can do this to children…move them around from home to home like little experiments waiting for someone to love them enough to keep them, and then expect them to be ok after countless rejections. “What the fuck is wrong with people?” She thinks to herself before actually speaking up. “So, the potential setup for us would be to foster them and then eventually adopt?”_

_“Yes. The foster period would be at least 8 months before you could petition for adoption. It gives time for you to go through an adjustment period with them. With the case history here, it’s not necessarily a bad thing.” Florence replies._

_She says that last part way too nonchalantly for Ashlyn’s liking and she has to swallow down the bile in her throat._

_“I know that I just threw a lot at you. I know you have a small child and that this is probably a lot for you to consider taking on, especially because it would be different from your original adoption plan. But, I don’t need an answer until later in the week. Would you maybe think about it and get back to me? I can share more detailed information if you end up giving me a tentative agreement to proceed.” Florence concludes._

_“Can you maybe give us a few minutes?” Ali asks._

_“Sure. Just open the door when you’re all set. Like I said, I don’t need any answers today.” Florence gets right up and leaves her office, closing the door behind her._

_“Hey, you ok?” Ali gently holds Ashlyn’s cheek and turns her head a bit._

_“Not in the slightest.” Ashlyn says truthfully. “You?”_

_“Same. My god…I mean, I knew shit like this happened, but…” Ali trails off._

_“Alex, I don’t think I can live with myself if we don’t try.” Ashlyn finds warm cinnamon eyes._

_“Yeah.” Ali whispers, her gut telling her the same thing. “It’ll be tough, really hard for a while…but, I just, I feel like maybe we’re the answer this time. Like we got this call for a reason, right?”_

_“I think so too.” Ashlyn replies and wraps her arms around the brunette, pressing their foreheads together and letting out a soft sigh. She couldn’t love this woman any more for feeling as deeply as she does, for being so willing to go into something so unpredictable and difficult with her, for believing in them._

_“We just have to love them, right?” Ali repeats what she said the night before C.J. was born._

_“Alex, you’re more than I ever could have dreamed of.” Ashlyn says emotionally and kisses Ali softly. “We just have to love them.” She repeats back. “So, we’ll try?”_

_“We’ll try… and we’ll succeed.” Ali assures her. “Go open the door.”_

_Ashlyn steals one more kiss, hugging Ali tight for another few seconds before she’s opening the door and Florence is back._

_“Everything ok?” Florence asks as she sits down, noting the unreadable expressions on their faces._

_“It will be.” Ashlyn replies with a little smile. “It’s a yes. We’ll foster them.”_

_“Seriously?” Florence sits forward on her a chair, a bit shocked._

_“Seriously.” Ali says. “Do we have paperwork to fill out?”_

_“You really can take more time. I didn’t mean to put any pressure on you.” Florence insists._

_“We don’t need more time. We’re good to go.” Ashlyn says resolutely._

_“Wow, ok. You are just… remarkable, ladies. Remarkable.” Florence smiles at them. “I’ll get the paperwork ready for tomorrow, you can come in any time this week to do it and we’ll get the process started._

_The first thing they do is go home and spend every minute until C.J.’s bedtime close to him, giving him so many extra hugs and kisses beyond the plentiful number they usually give him. Everything today has served to remind them of how fortunate they are, a wakeup call in the grand scheme of things. Once he goes to bed, they talk through some initial plans for bedrooms and what they might need for making this all work before they are both completely exhausted and fall asleep without even changing out of their clothes first._

_The next day they invite Deb and Kyle over for dinner and explain it to them after having spent an hour on the phone with Ken that afternoon. At first, Ken is a little bit concerned about how it might impact C.J., but after hearing their ideas for making sure C.J. understands and how they plan to handle some potentially hard situations, he realizes they’ve put a lot of thought into it and are prepared. “I support you both completely and I’m here for whatever you need.” Ken eventually tells them. He ends with “Thanks a lot for making me a grandpa again, like I wasn’t old enough already.” That last part meaning the world to Ali._

_Living close by, Deb and Kyle had been a little more involved in their initial process of being approved as adoptive parents, so they weren’t too surprised by the news. Deb was a little surprised at the fostering aspect, but she didn’t miss a beat. “You know that I think you two are perfect for this. If anyone can help these kids, you can. And I’m right here with you…my heart and my home, both open.”_

_“I just love the absolute crap out of you two.” It’s the first thing Kyle says as he immediately gets up to pull them both into a hug. “Such goddamn overachievers, but you’re such beautiful people. Like I’m touched just to be around you both. I’m gonna cry.” He adds, already teary. “Uncle Kyle has so much love to give. Team give these kiddos a real fambam on three…” He puts his hand out and waits for them to join in, giving a little cheer when they do. “Whew, this is intense. Bring on the hellions!” He ends with his typical inappropriate commentary, earning a smack on the arm from both Deb and Ali._

_The problem is that, in the end, he’s not exactly wrong._

_\-----_

_Just two weeks after that first meeting with Florence, Derek and Jade Garcia are at their door with only a couple of medium-sized suitcases with them. It makes Ali and Ashlyn immediately glad that they had gone all out and prepared them each a bedroom filled with new clothes, toys, books, bedding, and anything they could need. Derek is pretty tall for his age, Jade about average height, both with caramel colored skin and dark hair. Derek’s hair is buzzed short while Jade’s is curly and bit wild, but perhaps most striking is that they both have light blue eyes…they’re beautiful._

_The first day goes by pretty fast between showing the kids around the house and telling them as much as they can about themselves. They say very little outside of yes and no, but Florence had warned them about that. Ashlyn is just glad that they ate dinner and are seemingly already getting along with C.J. who was immediately his normal outgoing self with them, both kids playing alongside him after dinner in the living room. Ali was admittedly hoping they’d be a little more interactive, but is happy that they seem to like their rooms and their new home so far._

_“This is kind of awkward, right?” Ashlyn asks as she plops down on the bed after checking in on all the kids one last time for the night._

_It has been four days and Derek and Jade still haven’t spoken much. They don’t start their new school until Monday, so they’ve just been at home mostly watching TV for the week. The two women don’t want to overwhelm them, so outside of laying down basic ground rules about bedtimes and expectations for cleanliness and helping out around the house, they really don’t press them much. They briefly met Deb and Kyle when Ashlyn and Ali took them to the restaurant for lunch one day, but the focus has just been on letting the two kids get used to the two of them and C.J. as well as the dog and the house. It has led to a whole lot of silence and not much else._

_“So awkward.” Ali agrees with relief, happy she didn’t say it first. “I’m so glad I’m not the only one.”_

_“I guess we really just have to be patient and give it time. At least they don’t seem upset.” Ashlyn sighs as Ali snuggles into her side._

_“Yeah, like Florence said, this could really take quite a while. Just harder in reality to deal with it.” Ali commiserates. “We’re doing good though. I really think we’re doing ok.”_

_“Me too.” Ashlyn turns off the light and pulls Ali against her chest, leaning down to kiss her. “We got this. I love you, Al.”_

_“We definitely got this. Love you too, baby.” Ali steals a longer kiss before her hand finds the inked giving tree on Ashlyn’s hip. “Night, night.”_

_\---------_

_Even though they are strong believers in public school, they opt to put Derek and Jade in a private school given their history. The hope is that they can receive a bit more one-on-one attention this way and that it will help make the transition easier in the long-run. The first day seems to go pretty well and even though Jade stays quiet as usual, Derek opens up more at dinner about his day._

_“The teachers are ok so far. There are so many sports teams and good equipment and stuff. Oh, the math class is really hard. I didn’t get what I was supposed to do to be able to do the homework.” Derek reveals as he takes a bite of mac and cheese._

_“I can help you figure it out after dinner.” Ashlyn immediately offers and takes note of his interest in sports. “We’ll do it together, ok?”_

_“Yeah, ok.” Derek agrees._

_“Did you talk to any of the other kids at all?” Ali asks._

_“Not really. Not much time to.” Derek shrugs._

_“Ok, well maybe as the week goes on it’ll get easier.” Ali encourages. “What about you, sweetheart? Did you have a good day?” She looks at Jade._

_Jade just nods her head yes and doesn’t say anything._

_“Were your teachers and classes good?” Ali digs deeper and just gets another nod. “Good, I’m glad.”_

_“Do you need any help with your homework?” Ashlyn asks her. Jade just shakes her head no. “Ok, well you just ask us if you need any help or anything else, ok?” Another head nod._

_By the time they go to bed, both women are feeling pretty accomplished. Ashlyn has successfully helped Derek with his homework while Ali put C.J. to bed. Jade had quietly done her own homework beside them at the kitchen table and then had gone with Ali to quickly walk Duncan before bed. She hadn’t said a word, but her wanting to be around them was promising. The next two days of school go as smoothly as the first, and it definitely makes Ashlyn and Ali feel pretty confident that with a little time and lots of encouragement, things are going to be great._

_It only takes until Thursday for the first call from the principal and only another week after that for them to realize how naïve they were._

_“Hi Mrs. Harris, this is Dr. Lewis from Prescott Academy. We had a little incident with Derek today I was hoping that you might come pick him up and speak to me at the end of the day.” It’s the last thing Ashlyn is expecting when she picks up her phone while she and Oscar are working on a new menu item._

_“Oh, geez. Thank you for calling. Is Derek ok?” Ashlyn asks immediately._

_“Yes, he’s fine. He had a little fight in gym class and hit another boy, but he’s ok.” Dr. Lewis answers evenly._

_“I’m very sorry.” Ashlyn replies even as her heart drops a bit. “My wife and I will be there to meet with you at the end of the day.”_

_“Thank you. I know we talked a lot before about what this might be like, and I just want to assure you that we’ll figure it out together. We know the history and we’ll get him on the right track. I just want to make sure we’re all on the same page and stay consistent in how we approach things as we go along.” Dr. Lewis says more optimistically._

_“Thank you, we really appreciate that.” Ashlyn says gratefully. “We’ll see you this afternoon.”_

_“Perfect, see you then.” Dr. Lewis hangs up._

_Ashlyn takes a deep breath and dials Ali’s number. After a lot of delays from taking time off when C.J. was born and the passing of Gram and Gramp, Ali’s new book is finally set to hit bookshelves next week and Ashlyn was hoping she would get a week to decompress before the marketing obligations started. She’s releasing the book under the same penname as before and even though that means she won’t be doing an in-person book tour, she still gets lots of interview and social media content requests for promotional purposes._

_“Well hey there, hot marshmallow. This is a nice surprise. I thought you were slaving away with Oscar until this afternoon.” Ali answers the phone with a smile._

_“Hi, beautiful. I really wish this was a nice surprise, but I’ll just tell you right now that it’s not.” Ashlyn says dreadfully._

_“Ash, are you ok?” Ali asks in concern, making sure C.J. is occupied in the living room and going into the kitchen._

_“I’m fine, promise. Dr. Lewis called me just now… Derek got in a fight and hit another kid.” Ashlyn says bluntly._

_“Oh shit.” Ali gasps a bit. “Smooth ride over, huh?”_

_“Yep. Water is getting choppy.” Ashlyn replies. “We have to go pick him up and meet with Dr. Lewis after school today.”_

_“No problem. I’ll get my mom to take C.J. for a couple hours so we have time to talk to Derek when we get home. Swing by the house and pick me up so we can go together.” Ali quickly comes up with a plan. “It’ll be okay, Ash. Just the first bump…we’ll figure it out.”_

_“Ok, will do.” Ashlyn pauses. “Thanks, baby. Gotta admit I’m freaking out a little inside.”_

_“I could hear it in your voice, love. We’ll work through it together like everything else… you’re strong where I’m not and vice versa.” Ali soothes her._

_“I love you so fierce, Al.” Ashlyn says sweetly, drawing strength from her wife’s confidence ._

_“Love you more, Ash. Deep breaths and I’ll see you in a little while.” Ali makes a kiss noise into the phone and hears Ashlyn’s little chuckle before she hangs up, getting a kiss emoji text from her just a few seconds later._

_Although the meeting with Dr. Lewis goes just fine, it leaves Ashlyn feeling really unsettled. She and Ali had talked about the likelihood that, being the new kid, Derek might be the subject of some teasing and that maybe that’s why he acted out physically. Unfortunately, they soon learn that Derek was the one doing the teasing and attacking, picking on another boy in gym class for “looking stupid” and hitting him when the kid refused to say anything back to him. Having been a victim of serious bullying growing up, it hits Ashlyn pretty hard._

_They all stay quiet on the drive home, but once they make it home, Ashlyn wastes no time just leveling with Derek in the only way she knows how…honesty._

_“Derek, I know today was crappy.” Ashlyn starts, choosing to sit right next to him at the dining room table while Ali sits across from them. “We know this is hard for you. You have been through some incredibly difficult things...things that Ali and I can’t even begin to understand. But we’re here to help you. I know you don’t know us well enough yet and it may take quite a while for you to trust us, but we will move mountains to help you in any way you need us to. We’ll show you, we’ll prove it to you, but you also have to tell us when and how you need help.” She pauses for a second to make sure he is listening before continuing._

_“The thing is, no matter what you have gone through or will go through… it is never ok to take it out on or attack other people. At no time is it ok to bully someone else because they are different than you are. We want you to stand up for yourself and defend yourself if needed, but Derek, that’s very different than attacking someone. What you did today was really upsetting. Do you know what happens when you bully and attack someone like that?” Ashlyn asks him seriously and sees him shake his head no._

_“This.” Ashlyn lifts the sleeve of her shirt to reveal the broken girl tattoo. “This is what happens.” She gives him a minute to take it in. “Those people break, Derek. They carry it with them always and it’s like a jail that they spend their whole lives trying to break free from. And if they are very lucky, they find their way out… but many don’t. Ask for help, find ways to get out your emotions without taking them out on others, but don’t ever create a jail for someone just because you have one of your own.” Ashlyn finishes and watches Derek’s eyes drop down to the table. She hopes it wasn’t too much, but she needs him to understand what he is doing._

_Ali is speechless, completely in awe of her amazing wife who just gave a speech that could probably win a presidency. It was good, damn good. She lets the silence hang for a few seconds before she realizes that she probably needs to back Ashlyn up. “I think Ashlyn really laid it out perfectly, but the bottom line is that bullying, violence, and fighting are not a part of this family, and you ARE a part of this family, Derek. We’ll do anything to help you and make you feel at home here. You are our family. So, let’s find a way to learn from today and move forward. Ok?”_

_Ashlyn smiles lovingly at her wife, completely touched at her natural ease in making sure Derek understands their intentions. She feels so proud of the two of them right now, a perfect team._

_“Are we ok here? Do you understand?” Ashlyn asks since Derek hasn’t said anything, despite the fact that his face seems pensive and maybe a bit remorseful._

_“Yep.” Derek says simply. “Can I go to my room for the night?”_

_Ali quickly looks at Ashlyn who just shrugs, neither of them sure whether to grant the request or not. “We’re not going to make missing dinner a habit, but it’s been a tough day, we know. So, yeah, you can.” Ali replies for them, figuring maybe he needs some time alone to reflect after all of this._

_“We’ll check on you later.” Ashlyn says before checking in with him one more time. “Is there anything you want to talk about or want us to help you with?”_

_“Nah. I’m good.” Derek replies and heads towards the stairs. “Nice bike gang tattoos, Harley. Nighty night.” He looks at Ashlyn with a smirk. “You too, Princessa.” He gives Ali the same mocking look._

_And just like that, the good feelings about having handled the situation well are gone._

_“What the fuck was that?” Ashlyn asks once he’s up the stairs, positively stunned at what just happened._

_“I…I have no idea.” Ali stutters. “I thought it was going well…just…” She’s at a loss for words._

_“Yeah.” Ashlyn nods. “Maybe he’s just trying to rattle us. Let’s just see how things play out tomorrow and go from there. He might just need some time.”_

_“As good a plan as any.” Ali replies and walks behind Ashlyn to rub her shoulders. “I thought you were amazing just now. That was powerful, love. I love you.” She kisses the top of her head._

_“Just figured I’d go for honesty.” Ashlyn replies humbly. “You were amazing too. The way you made sure he knew that he belonged, embraced him no matter what happened today. Melted my heart. I love you too, Al.” She tilts her head up so Ali gets the hint and is rewarded with a lingering kiss._

_“Thanks, baby.” Ali sighs. “Let’s hope he thinks we’re just as amazing.”_

_If Derek thinks they are amazing, he certainly doesn’t show it. From that day on, they are Harley and Princessa and he refuses to call them anything else. While the rest of that week goes by just fine despite his disrespectful attitude, it’s merely the calm before the storm._

_\--------_

_“Mom, what am I doing wrong?!” Ali asks completely flabbergasted and upset as she plops down on the couch after putting C.J. down for a nap at Deb’s house. “We’d do anything for that kid, anything! And he just… I don’t understand!” She’s practically yelling now._

_“I know, honey. I know.” Deb quickly sits down next to her and pulls her into a hug. “It’s ok. Just tell me what is going on today.” She tries to comfort her, no stranger to this scenario that has now played out several times in her living room over the last few months. Unfortunately, her daughter only seems to be getting increasingly upset as time goes on._

_“They caught him shoplifting again! SHOPLIFTING! A bag of chips, cookies, and a soda… like we don’t feed him and provide every damn thing he needs! And this is the third damn time!” Ali continues to scream. “Nothing we do gets through to him! What are we doing wrong?!”_

_The last few months have been one problem after the next. It started with Derek getting into more fights at school and not doing his homework and progressed to getting aggressive with teachers and skipping school all together. He has permanent detention after school at this point and has been expelled for a week twice now. When that wasn’t enough, he moved on to shoplifting and vandalism. The principal has them on her speed dial and the head of the Miami Police juvenile unit is practically family now. They’ve tried going easy on him, tried being tough with him, tried getting him into therapy, and nothing works. No matter what they do, it only escalates. It has put a strain on literally everything._

_“Alex, honey, You need to calm down just a little, ok? I know you’re upset, but you’re screaming. You need to take a second to bring things down so you can talk it through.” Deb comforts her and gently reminds her to take a few seconds to breathe while still holding her._

_“I’m sorry.” Ali whispers. “It’s like a game to him. No matter what we do, it just gets worse. And I feel like I’m ready to snap, while poor Ash is stressed to the max but still being so patient with him. I don’t know how she does it, but I feel like I suck at it. All we do now is deal with this mess and barely have time to talk about anything else. I miss my wife. I miss our peace. Jade still won’t talk to us and poor C.J. is getting the short end of the stick because we don’t have time to focus on him. This just sucks… and still, I still feel bad! I feel like a shit parent, and what’s worse is that I almost don’t care anymore. I’m fucking tired.”_

_“Oh, Alex. You’re not a shit parent!” Deb immediately pulls back to look at her. “You and Ashlyn are doing everything you can for your kids. You’ve put your whole heart into it and it hurts right now. You’re entitled to be upset and tired, honey. This is incredibly hard, but you’re doing it. One day at a time, you can’t think beyond that for now. You’re an amazing mom to those kids, don’t you forget it.” She does her best to get through to her._

_“Thanks, mom.” Ali leans her head on Deb’s shoulder. “What if…” She sighs before voicing her fear. “What if it never changes?”_

_“I think deep down you knew that was a possibility. And that’s something maybe you and Ashlyn need to talk about soon. In less than a few months, the fostering period will be over and you’ll need to make a decision about how committed you are. Hopefully you’ll be on the same page and hopefully something starts to change that will make the decision easier for you two. All I can say is that you know I’m always here to support you both, no matter what.” Deb replies truthfully. She has to admit that she has been wondering a lot lately whether this situation is sustainable._

_“Yeah.” Ali nods, guilt sitting in her stomach like a rock because her thoughts on this front lately have not been positive. Given the way Ashlyn has been handling this and trying to stay optimistic, she gets the sense that they’re probably not exactly on the same page and it terrifies her._

_“Why don’t I take C.J. out for some ice cream when he wakes up from his nap so you can have a little time to unwind before Derek and Jade get home? I can drop him off in time for dinner.” Deb offers._

_“Ok. Thanks, Mom. Sorry to unload on you.” Ali says apologetically._

_“Oh baby girl, that’s what I’m here for. You’re wonderful and I love you.” Deb hugs her again._

_“Love you too, Mom.” Ali replies and grabs her purse so she can get head home._

_With about two hours before Jade gets home, Ali takes a long bath and answers a few emails. She feels a little more relaxed by the time she hears the rumbling of the school bus outside and the front door open. She puts a smile on her face and goes to greet Jade, glad she has at least another two hours before Derek gets home from detention._

_“Hi sweetheart. How was your day?” Ali says cheerfully._

_“Ok.” Jade replies, her usual one word answer._

_“Do you want a snack?” Ali asks._

_“Ok.” Jade agrees._

_Ali cuts up some apple slices and a few small cubes of cheddar cheese, knowing it’s her favorite. As usual, she does her best to get Jade to talk about her day, but to no avail. “Duncan needs a walk, want to come with me?” She asks hopefully, knowing the little girl loves their dog._

_“No.” Jade shakes her head. “Homework.” She explains minimally in true Jade fashion._

_“Ok, honey. I’ll let you get to it, but let me know if I can help at all.” Ali concedes._

_“Ok.” Jade gives her a half smile and heads upstairs._

_Ali lets her head fall onto the counter in defeat and gives herself a couple minutes before heading out to walk Duncan on the beach area just behind the house. She doesn’t take too long, figuring she’ll get some kind of dinner started since Ashlyn has been working so hard to try and keep the restaurant running smoothly so she can focus on requests from her publisher now that her book is out and doing well. She quickly unleashes Duncan when she gets back inside and runs upstairs to change into a more comfortable shirt, stopping dead in her tracks as she walks into the bedroom._

_“Sorry!” Jade yelps and looks down at her lap regretfully. She’s sitting at Ali’s makeup table, makeup and brushes spread all over it and nowhere near the usual neat order that Ali keeps them in._

_“Oh…um…” Ali feels the annoyance rising, but it quickly dies when she sees the look on Jade’s face and realizes this is the first time she’s seen the little girl take an interest in anything other than homework. “It’s ok, sweetheart. I’m not upset.” A spark of hope ignites inside as she sits down in the chair next to her. “You like makeup? I didn’t know that.” She goes for it._

_Jade merely nods her head yes, but it’s the little sparkle in her eye that makes Ali’s heart race._

_“Me too. I love makeup.” Ali smiles widely. “You know, Ashlyn is even better at putting it on than I am… but don’t ever tell her I said that.”_

_“Ok.” Jade lets out a hearty giggle and Ali practically falls off her chair._

_“Have you ever worn any?” Ali asks._

_“No.” Jade shakes her head._

_“Want me to show you?” Ali offers. She knows that 10 is way too young to be wearing makeup, but if this is how she connects with Jade, a little lipstick never hurt anyone._

_“Yes!” Jade says excitedly._

_“Here.” Ali picks up a light color of blush and goes to it._

_It’s groundbreaking. By the time both Ali and Jade are all done up, the little girl is laughing and uttering a few phrases about what colors she likes and how the brushes tickle. Ali is beside herself, her heart feeling so full at even the slightest progress. She’s finally unlocked something that gets Jade excited and she knows just how to nurture it._

_“That green nail polish looks great on you, honey. You know who is even better with all this than me?” Ali compliments her and goes right in for her big idea._

_“Um, Ashlyn?” Jade asks curiously._

_“Ha! That was supposed to be a secret!” Ali laughs and Jade laughs with her. “No, I actually meant Uncle Kyle. You know how he runs the salon?”_

_“Yes. He’s funny.” Jade replies._

_Ali raises her eyebrows at that little revelation, having no idea what Jade thought of Kyle. “Well, he does it all. He’s good at hair, and makeup, and nails, and fashion. Like an artist for people really.”_

_“That’s cool.” The little girls says with a smile. “I like clothes too.”_

_“Me too. I wish I’d known sooner, we’ve been missing out on shopping trips together.” Ali says happily. “So, I was just thinking… maybe I can take you to spend some time with Uncle Kyle in the salon. You can spend some time watching what he does. Is that something you might like?”_

_“Yes!” Jade says enthusiastically._

_“Okay, we’ll do it then. I’ll take you sometimes after school or on the weekend.” Ali commits. “And I can do your nails more and we’ll go shopping together more often. As for makeup, you’re a little young still to be wearing it, but how about we plan for some fun little sessions like this together where we just play around with it?” She asks hopefully._

_“Deal.” Jade gives her a huge smile. “This is fun.”_

_“I’m so happy about that, sweetheart. You can always tell us about the things you like and don’t like. We just want you to be happy and support you. You can talk to us about anything. We’ll always be here for you…for things like this that are fun, but also things that are sad or scary. Ok?” Ali presses a little bit more to get through to her._

_“Ok, thank you.” Jade says sweetly._

_“You’re so welcome.” Ali smiles and for just about twentieth time in the last hour is completely shocked when Jade reaches over to hug her quickly._

_Even though Derek comes home in his usual snarky mood, Ali’s afternoon with Jade gives her the energy to deal with it. When he asks to go to his friend Jorge’s house next door, despite not feeling like saying yes to anything he request these days, Ali finds herself agreeing, especially since Jorge is a good kid and a good influence on Derek. Today with Jade has also reminded her to be patient and keep working to find ways to improve their connection to the kids._

_“Mmmm, smells so good in here!” Ashlyn walks into the kitchen just in time for dinner and is pleasantly surprised that she doesn’t have to cook it. “Thanks for all this, baby.” She gives Ali a soft kiss before realizing that Jade is sitting at the counter. It only takes her a couple more seconds to realize that her wife and foster daughter are wearing matching makeup. “Oh wow, look at my beautiful girls!” She just rolls with it after taking a quick glance at Ali and seeing the smile on her face._

_“Did you know Jade loves makeup and clothes?” Ali pipes up and sees Jade sit up a little straighter._

_“I had no idea!” Ashlyn says cheerily. “That’s wonderful. You look so good, honey. Look at those cool nails!” She compliments the little girl._

_“Thank you. Ali helped me. You wear makeup too?” Jade replies._

_Ashlyn tries not to let her jaw hit the floor. “Um, yeah. I do. Mostly just a little bit since I like to look pretty natural.” She scrambles to answer the question._

_“It looks nice.” Jade says with a smile._

_“I told Jade that we’d take her to go spend some time with Uncle Kyle at the salon so she can learn more about this kind of stuff. And we’ll go shopping together more and do our nails. We’re gonna wait a bit longer on the makeup, but no reason we can’t have some girl parties at home.” Ali fills Ashlyn in._

_“I love that. It sounds so fun.” Ashlyn joins in the excitement. “Do I get to join these parties?”_

_“Oh yes!” Jade speaks right up. “You can show me that cheek thing that Ali says you’re the best at!”_

_Ali jokingly gives the girl a surprised look and Ashlyn just stands there amused._

_“Oops! Sorry! Forgot that was a secret!” Jade puts her and over her mouth._

_“Please, that was no secret.” Ashlyn belly laughs._

_“Well, now that the cat is out of the bag… go wash up for dinner, sweetheart. Grandma Deb will be dropping C.J. off any minute and we’re just about ready to eat.” Ali laughs lightly._

_“Ok, Ali. Be right back.” Jade gets up and goes upstairs to the kids’ bathroom._

_“Oh. My. God.” Ashlyn exclaims with wide eyes as soon as Jade is out of earshot. “Like...what even?”_

_“I know!” Ali bounces on her feet a bit. “I caught her playing with my makeup and the glimmer in her eye… I just went with it. I had no idea.”_

_“Wow. I don’t have words right now. Just wow.” Ashlyn says still flabbergasted by the turn of events. “Makeup and clothes, who knew?!”_

_“Seriously!” Ali smiles._

_“Where’s Derek?” Ashlyn asks._

_“He asked to go to Jorge’s for dinner. I checked with Maria and Joe and they said they invited him. He showed me that he did his homework in detention. So, I made sure he was going straight there and back and told him he had to be home by 8:30pm.” Ali explains. “My Mom took C.J. for ice cream after his nap, so she’ll be here any minute.”_

_“Alex…” Ashlyn steps into her wife’s space and gently takes her face in her hands. She leans in really slow and then kisses her romantically before pulling back to find her eyes. “You’re amazing. I’m so deeply in love with you.”_

_“You’re the amazing one, love. I just got lucky today.” Ali replies sweetly, not missing the little flicker of desire in the green swirled hazel. There has been no time for even little moments like these lately, and her heart pounds in her chest._

_“No, you didn’t. You’re an amazing, Mommy. It has nothing to do with luck. You’re just plain magic, woman… and I love you.” Ashlyn kisses her again and hears the toilet flush upstairs. “You, me, and the Jacuzzi tub tonight. It has been way too long.”_

_“Try and stop me.” Ali quickly steals another kiss, letting her fingers run up the back of Ashlyn’s neck and smiling when she feels her wife’s breath hitch._

_“I will do absolutely nothing to stop you.” Ashlyn plays back before she hears Jade coming down the stairs._

_“Go set the table, sexy.” Ali winks at her and gives her a little push._

_\-----------_

_If Ali opened Jade’s shell, Kyle pulls her right out of it. After only two weeks of he and Jade spending some time together, the little girl is talkative, bubbly, and seemingly much more at ease at home. Something seems to ignite in her, and it turns out she has quite the sense of humor and can be just as sassy as Kyle. She and Kyle are like two peas in a pod, something Ashlyn and Ali couldn’t be happier about. It gives them a much needed boost, gives them a little bit of hope, and makes the increasingly heavy weight that Derek is placing on them seem just a little bit lighter._

_Of course, the bubble soon bursts when Derek finds one of Ashlyn’s old fishing knives in the garage and brings it to school. Deb quickly swoops in to take C.J. for the rest of the day and Ali is grateful that Kyle can now keep Jade happily occupied while she and Ashlyn deal with the latest crisis._

_“Ladies, I can see how rough this is for you. You really are doing the best you can, but it’s very hard to help a child that is so closed off to it. We just have to all keep at it, and I am as committed to that as you are. I don’t want you to think that I think bad of you two at all. It’s completely the opposite. We’ll work through it with him.” Dr. Lewis assures the two women as they sit in her office looking horrified._

_“He’s done this before at one of his prior schools. I’m so sorry. I should have made sure that there wasn’t a damn knife lying around anywhere. I completely forgot I had that old fishing box in the garage.” Ashlyn says dejectedly, feeling heartbroken and stupid._

_“Ashlyn, he could have just as easily brought in a steak knife from your kitchen. You can’t shield him from everything and he has to have the good sense to know better.” Dr. Lewis says gently. “He told me he just thought it would be cool to carry it around. And it’s not like he threatened anyone. He just ended up showing it to a friend, who knew better to come and tell me. I actually believe he didn’t intend to hurt anyone with it.”_

_“So, what do we do now?” Ali cuts to the chase, feeling like she just wants to disappear right now._

_“Well, I have no choice but to expel him for two weeks. And now that he has missed so much time… he’ll have to repeat the 7 th grade.” Dr. Lewis gives it to them straight._

_“We understand.” Ashlyn says simply. “We honestly appreciate everything you’ve done to help us and your patience with Derek. Any other school would have kicked him out already. So, thank you.”_

_“Exactly what she said. Please know that we value you and we’ll talk to him and try to make this right.” Ali adds._

_“No problem at all. I know he can do better and I really want to help you all get to that place.” Dr. Lewis says kindly. “Just let me know what I can do, ok? And keep your heads up, you’re doing all you can.”_

_Both women nod and head out, getting Derek from the front office before making their way home. They explain the school punishment to him and impress upon him how serious this was and how disappointed they are that he didn’t come and talk to them before he made a decision like that. As usual, he doesn’t seem all that effected. The rest of the ride home is silent. What else is there to say or do? They’ve talked to him endlessly, tried taking the empathetic and kind approach, and taken away every single privilege they can think of…none of it has worked._

_Even once they get home and Derek is in his room, neither woman says anything to each other. They’re both tired, frustrated, and feeling like shit about themselves. Despite the afternoon, they do their best to perk up when Jade and C.J. get home for dinner, trying to have some normal conversation while Derek clearly sulks at the table. Jade realizes immediately and is a little quieter tonight, following Derek to his room after dinner like she usually does when he gets in trouble. But the real hammer comes when Ali goes to put C.J. to bed._

_“Derek did bad again?” C.J. asks as Ali settles in next to him with his choice of books._

_Ali swallows hard, the question catching her off guard since they’ve tried hard to be normal and positive despite the difficult day. The fact that he’s just barely 4 years old and can sense something is wrong means they haven’t done a good enough job. “Yeah, sweet boy. He had a little trouble at school today, but it’s ok.” Ali assures him._

_C.J. just cuddles up to her like he normally does as she reads the first of their usual three books. When Ali goes to start the second one, he stops her. “It’s ok, Mommy. One book only. Derek need you. Maybe he can have a book.” He says cheerily at his idea._

_It hits Ali like a brick. How much time C.J. has had to spend with Deb so they can handle Derek. How they are taking the fact that he is so well-behaved for granted right now and putting minimal effort in with him. And still, here he is giving up his book and his one-on-one time so easily for Derek, who could care less. It makes her blood boil, the guilt making her want to vomit. “It’s ok, baby boy. I have plenty of time to read to you and then I can go spend some time with Derek, ok?” She wills her voice to come out normally._

_“Ok, Mommy.” C.J. replies and cuddles back into her for his other books._

_Once she’s done, she switches off with Ashlyn and goes to say goodnight to Jade while her wife does the same with C.J. She quickly checks to make sure Derek is in his room, making sure to say goodnight to him too despite the fact that he never replies. She hears Ashlyn in the bathroom and debates going in there to wipe off her makeup, but in the end, she doesn’t bother. Instead she just changes into shorts and a t-shirt and climbs into bed. She feels the bed dip just a few minutes later and a strong arm around her waist._

_“You ok? You want to talk?” Ashlyn asks softly after turning out the light and settling into bed behind Ali._

_“No. I just really need some sleep, my head is pounding.” Ali says flatly. She knows better. She knows if she opens her mouth right now, nothing good will come out. If Ashlyn only knew what C.J. said and what she was thinking right now, all hell would break loose._

_“Ok, beautiful. Sorry today sucked so much.” Ashlyn lightly strokes Ali’s stomach. “I love you, Alex.”_

_“Love you too.” Ali replies and wills her brain to stop thinking, her stomach to stop churning._

_The thing is that Ashlyn does know. She did hear what C.J. said. She had finished with Jade and was going to join in the rest of story time with C.J….she heard it just as she approached quietly to surprise them. It had made her pause for some reason, made her not go in and interrupt. It makes her feel both sad and relieved. Sad that their son is growing up faster than he should because of the environment right now. Relieved at the fact that he is so kind, that he is sweet and thoughtful and caring of his foster brother. It makes her feel like they are actually good parents. That if C.J. can be so kind and Jade can make so much progress, that they can find a way through to Derek too. She hears Ali’s response to C.J., easily recognizing the forced cheerful tone the brunette uses when she’s trying to hide her feelings. She wonders what it means and hopes Ali will talk to her about how she feels, but when she finds her already in bed and facing away from her, she knows that isn’t going to happen tonight._

_\-----------_

_“Have you talked to all-star about all this?” Kyle inquires as he trims Ali’s hair, doing his best to get her to relax a little._

_“No. What do I even say? All I know is that we’re practically ignoring C.J. and not spending nearly enough time with Jade, all so we can deal with the kid who can’t stand us and doesn’t care. It’s not fucking right! But I don’t know what to do about it. I’m a fucking mess, Ky. Everything is a mess.” Ali blurts out._

_“Woah. Easy, Al.” Kyle spins the chair around. “Easy.” He puts his hands on her shoulder. “I have no doubt this is hard as hell. But you are not ignoring C.J. and Jade is doing just fine.”_

_“Yeah, thanks to you.” Ali replies._

_“Hey, it takes a village, booboo. And I am happy to help and so is Mom. You and all-star are doing amazing in really shitty circumstances. I promise you that it just seems worse than it really is because you are feeling so down on yourself.” Kyle levels with her._

_“I don’t know.” Ali says hesitantly. “It’s pretty damn bad.”_

_“I think you really need to talk to Ashlyn. You two talk through everything together. Right now, I’m not getting the sense that you are. And honestly, of all the times you need to be… this is the most important. When you are feeling your lowest, she probably is too. You need to make time and talk to each other.” Kyle implores her._

_“I don’t even know what to say.” Ali admits._

_“I hear ‘hello’ and ‘how are you’ are a great start.” Kyle sasses her._

_“Thanks, ass.” Ali rolls her eyes._

_“You’re welcome, Princessa!” Kyle teases her. “Here’s the deal. I’m going to have Alicia close up tonight and I’ll be at your place by dinner. I’ll handle all the kids for the night and make sure Derek keeps every single one of his toes in line. You and Harley are going to go out to dinner, and you’re going to talk. Deal?”_

_“Fine. Deal.” Ali huffs, knowing he’s not going to back down._

_“Perfect.” Kyle smiles at her and spins the chair back around. “Now let me just style this hair all fabulous and that will give you like two hours to get home, tell Romeo the plan, and get yourselves ready to go out. You can thank me later when you’re all sorted out and properly laid.”_

_“He’s a damn wizard.” Ali whispers to herself as she looks at her reflection in the rearview mirror while she’s stopped at an intersection just a couple miles from home. She tosses her hair a bit, forever in awe of how Kyle’s styling can always lift her mood. The guilty and angry feelings she was harboring earlier have softened remarkably. She’s practically giddy inside now. Ashlyn had insisted that she would handle the kids today while Ali took the afternoon to relax. So she can’t wait to get home and tell Ashlyn that they’re going to have a night to themselves…already tingling with anticipation for that flicker of desire that will appear in those green-swirled hazel eyes as soon as Ashlyn sees her all done up. Sure they need to do some talking tonight, but she feels completely confident right now that they’ll get on the same page quickly and the rest of the night will be the familiar magic they need to reenergize themselves._

_Her heart races out of control as she approaches the house, but not in the way she had just been hoping. Firetrucks, police cars, two ambulances…the flashing lights are blinding and endless. She shakes, she can’t breathe, her car left right in the middle of the street with keys still in the ignition as her weak legs manage to carry her to the first cop she sees. “My wife, my kids, that’s my house!” She yells at the guy who is taken aback by her sudden screaming._

_“Ma’am, easy, easy. It’s ok.” He does his best to calm a very frantic Ali down._

_“Where are they? What’s wrong? I need to go in there! I need to find my wife and kids!” Ali keeps yelling at him. “Oh god, oh god…”_

_“Please, Ma’am… please calm down for just a second so I can help you, ok?” He pleads with her._

_“Ok…ok… just…” Ali’s voice crack and the tears start to fall. “Please tell me what’s going on, please.” She begs him and feels her legs giving out._

_“It’s ok. Everyone is ok.” He assures her. “Your family is all ok.” He watches her nod and then quickly puts his hands under her arms to support her when he sees that she’s headed towards the ground, gently guiding her to sit on the pavement._

_“What…please.” Ali beseeches him again._

_“There was a fire on the back deck, it’s out now and everyone is ok. The house itself is fine, just some outdoor damage to the deck. We caught it early. Your kids are with their grandma right over there.” He points to the far patch of lawn across the street from their house._

_Ali calms just a bit when she sees her mother holding both C.J. and Jade in her lap. Duncan is lying next to them. Derek is sitting a few feet away talking to a firefighter and a police officer. She looks around, but doesn’t see Ashlyn, her heart hammering again. “My wife, where’s my wife?”_

_“She’s ok. She was just upset and pretty panicked when we arrived. Physically, she fine though. They have her in the ambulance over there, just trying to help her calm down a bit. But she’s physically ok.” He repeats himself so it’s clear that she isn’t hurt._

_“Oh god, Ash. The fire!” Ali finds the strength to stand right up. “I need to see her!” She demands more than requests._

_“Ok, I’ll take you.” The officer walks her right over to the ambulance and doesn’t have time to even talk to the EMT before Ali is hopping up into the back._

_“Baby…I’m here, love. I’m right here.” Ali’s heart drops into her stomach the second she sees her wife, immediately wrapping her arms around her and talking softly in her ear. She’s never seen her like this. Ashlyn is sitting hunched on one of the small benches inside the ambulance, there is an ice pack on the back of her neck, a blanket around her shoulders. Her eyes are vacant, but almost wild as they dart around and there is no acknowledgment at all that she even sees Ali even though her eyes are looking right at her. She’s shaking…she’s shaking so hard, her chest heaving. Her skin is clammy and pale, beads of sweat on her forehead and throat._

_“It’s ok, Ash. It’s ok. Everything is ok.” Ali tries to soothe her, but the shaking almost feels worse and Ashlyn’s arms hang limply at her sides. “I’ve got you, love. I’ve got you. I’m here.”_

_“Her vital signs are all ok.” The EMT next to Ashlyn speaks up. “She’s just having a pretty intense panic attack. We don’t want to knock her out with a tranquilizer, so we’re trying to just bring her down slowly. Her breathing is getting better now, no more hyperventilating.” She brings Ali up to speed and watches the brunette nod._

_“She has a fear of fire.” Ali quickly explains._

_“That makes a lot of sense. You’re her wife?” The EMT asks._

_“Yes. I’m Ali.” Ali replies as she continues to run her hand gently through Ashlyn’s hair, her wife’s eyes still wild, unfocused, and looking right through her._

_“Ok, that’s great. I’m Heather.” The EMT introduces herself. “You’re probably our best bet right now to talk her through. Just do your best to reassure her that everything is okay, tell her who you are, tell her you’re here and that she’s okay. Just keep talking. Do whatever you can to get her to respond to you in any way, to acknowledge she knows you’re here with her, ok?”_

_“Ok.” Ali nods, her eyes never leaving Ashlyn._

_“Ashlyn, Ali is here with you. Your wife is here and she’s going to talk to you and help you out, ok? Your wife is here, Ashlyn, and everything is ok.” Heather gets things going._

_Ali pulls herself together faster than she ever has in a moment of being frightened like this. “Ash…” Ali drops down to her knees in front of her wife and takes Ashlyn’s face in her hands, pressing their foreheads together. “I need you to follow my voice, honey. Work really hard to hear my voice. Can you do that, baby? I know you’re scared, but just follow my voice.” She strokes Ashlyn’s cheeks lightly with her thumbs, before reaching down to entwine one of their hands. “Can you hear me, Ash? Squeeze my hand if you can hear my voice?”_

_Ali immediately gets a gentle little squeeze on her hand and a sense of relief washes over her, her focus even sharper now. “That’s so good, Ash. You’re doing great. Everything is okay, love…the kids are ok and everything is fine. And I’m here with you and I’m not going anywhere. I know you’re scared, but you’re not alone and you won’t ever be. I’m right here with you.” She works to try and soothe her._

_“Let’s just try and breathe together, ok? Listen to my breathing and do your best to match it… can you do that, love?” Ali directs and feels another squeeze on her hand. “Ok, slow breaths…in… and out.” She slows down and exaggerates her own breathing so Ashlyn can easily pattern it. It takes a solid five minutes, but Ashlyn’s breathing starts to regulate. “Yes, just like that, doing so good, baby. That’s perfect. Keep breathing just like that.” Ali gives her another couple minutes just to breathe._

_“Ok, love… let’s try one more thing.” Ali brings Ashlyn’s hand to the center of her chest and presses it there. “Can you feel my heartbeat?” She asks and this time gets a little nod. “Use my heartbeat to try and calm yours, ok? I know it’s hard to do, but just feel the beat and let it create a rhythm for you while you breathe.” Another little nod. She can’t tell at all whether it’s working, but Ashlyn’s breathing is steady and more even now as she lets a few more minutes go by. It’s hard to really look into Ashlyn’s eyes when their foreheads are pressed together like this, so she pull backs just a little bit to get a proper look._

_Ashlyn’s eyes aren’t vacant anymore and their not darting around, instead looking right at her with a look of fear in them. “Can you see me, sweetheart?” Ali asks softly and get another quick head nod before Ashlyn suddenly throws her arms around her and just starts sobbing. “It’s ok, baby. You’re safe. Everyone is safe. I’m here, Ash. I love you.” She whispers and holds her tight, looking over at the EMT because she has no idea if this means things are worse._

_“It’s ok. This is really good. She’s responding now… means she’s out of that shell-shocked panic. It’s really good. You’re doing great. She’ll be ok.” Heather assures her._

_“You’re ok, baby. It’s ok to be scared. I’m right here with you. I’ve got you.” Ali repeats over and over again softly, rubbing Ashlyn back gently with one hand with she runs the other through her short hair._

_After what seems like quite a long time, the sobs die down and Ashlyn just seems completely drained. Ali pulls back again to look at her, glad to see a little more color in her face despite the red, puffy eyes. “How are you doing, love?”_

_Ashlyn just gives a little nod again, clearly unable to talk yet._

_“It’s ok. You don’t have to say anything.” Ali says gently. “Would it help if we got up and walked a bit? Do you want to try that?”  She gets another head nod. “Okay, we’ll try that. Is that ok?” She checks with Heather._

_“Totally okay, just might need to support her a little.” Heather replies and helps Ali get Ashlyn into her feet._

_Ashlyn is definitely shaky on her legs, but she manages to walk the few steps out of the ambulance with Ali and Heather’s support._

_“There you go, Ash. Look at you, baby… you’re amazing.” Ali encourages her wife and supports her a little more as Heather lets go. “Why don’t we walk right over to that tree over there and sit on that grass. How does that sound?” She suggests and gets a head nod. The fresh air definitely seems to make a difference, Ashlyn looking much calmer after they’ve been sitting under the tree for ten minutes. She still hasn’t said a word, but Ali can feel the lessening anxiety. “I love you so much, Ashlyn.” Her heart skips a beat when she sees a tiny hint of a tight smile on Ashlyn’s face, her wife swiftly kissing cheek before resting her head on Ali’s shoulder. It’s the first real reassurance that Ashlyn will really be ok._

_“Charmer.” Ali very slowly leans down and pecks her lips, getting another tight smile. She finally picks her head up and looks around for the first time since she got here. Most of the emergency vehicles are gone now, just one police car, the fire chief’s truck, and an ambulance remain. Deb has moved to the front stairs of the house now with the kids and Kyle is now there with her. Derek is still with a police officer nearby, which Ali now realizes is Sergeant Tony.  As much as she doesn’t want to leave Ashlyn’s side for even a second, she knows she needs to check on the kids and figure out what exactly is going on. She waves her arm a few times until she gets Kyle’s attention and motions for him to come over._

_“Ash, I’m gonna have Kyle sit with you for just a couple minutes so I can see how the kids are doing. I’ll be right over there and I’ll be right back. I promise Kyle won’t leave. Is that ok?” Ali asks and Ashlyn gives her a nod. “Promise I’ll be right back.” She repeats again before turning to Kyle._

_“How is she?” Kyle asks quietly._

_“Really shaken up, but I think doing somewhat ok now. She’s not talking yet.” Ali explains. “How are the kids?”_

_“They seem ok. Mom has it all under control. She happened to be headed over to your place to drop off the cast-iron pan she borrowed the other day and she got here just as the firefighters were arriving. Perfect luck really. Everyone is just worried about all-star.” He replies, debating whether to tell her the rest._

_“Ok. Can you just sit with her for a few minutes while I talk to Mom and figure stuff out? Hold her hand or hug her, just keep her close. If she looks nervous or upset, just remind her that she’s safe and everyone is ok. Tell her that I’m right over there and make sure she sees me. Do your best to just keep her relaxed, ok?” Ali instructs._

_“Yeah, of course. I’ll take good care of her, promise.” Kyle replies, deciding it’s better not to give Ali the news while Ashlyn is in earshot even though Ashlyn most definitely already knows._

_“C.J., Jade, you two ok?” Ali reaches the front porch of the house and immediately gets wrapped up in a hug by both kids.”_

_“They’re ok, honey.” Deb pipes right up._

_“Yes, mommy! There was a fire! We ok! Mama was a superhero!” C.J. yells excitedly._

_“She was, huh?” Ali questions and looks him over, finding that he looks completely normal._

_“Yes! She needs a cape.” C.J. replies before his face drops. “Is Mama ok?”_

_“She’s doing ok, sweet boy. You know how you’re really afraid of Jafar from Aladdin?” Ali asks and gets a nod from him. “Well Mama is afraid of fire like you are of Jafar. So she just got really scared and needed a hug and some time to feel better.”_

_“Oh ok. Mama is a superhero!” C.J. repeats._

_“She sure is. Jade, how are you sweetheart?” Ali pulls the little girl in closer, realizing she’s shaking a bit._

_“I’m sorry.” Jade offers nothing else._

_“You have nothing to be sorry for. It was just a little fire, everything is fine. The important thing is that you’re all ok.” Ali comforts her as best she can._

_“I’m sorry for him.” Jade whispers quietly, her eyes looking at Derek who is still talking to Sergeant Tony about twenty feet away._

_“What’s going on with, Derek? Is he ok?” Ali asks Deb in concern._

_Deb lets out a huge sigh. “He’s fine. It’s just… he started it…” Deb motions her head towards the house and doesn’t say more._

_“Oh.” Ali’s eyes get wide as she tries to hide her shock and disappointment. “What happened?” She asks as calmly as she can even though she is already feeling the anger bubble up._

_“I’m not exactly sure.” Deb says honestly. “I pulled into the driveway and Ashlyn was pushing Derek and Jade out the front door with C.J. and Duncan in her arms. She look positively wild and scared. She just said ‘fire’ and ‘take them away from the house’ and went running back in.”_

_“Jesus.” Ali’s stomach churns._

_“That cop was one of the first ones here.” Deb points to the police officer talking to Derek. “He went in and got Ashlyn, got her set up with an EMT, and then came over to talk to Derek. Somehow he knew something was up.”_

_“That’s Sergeant Tony. He runs the local juvenile unit and he knows Derek pretty well.” Ali shoots her mother a look._

_“You should go talk to him, he knows more about what happened than I do.  And then just stay with Ashlyn. I’ll take everyone back to my house tonight. You just focus on her. Poor thing…I had no idea.” Deb says sympathetically, knowing that Ashlyn’s parents died in a fire but having no clue that she had a fear of it._

_“Thank you so much, Mom. It’s not something she talks about. She just needs some time…this was a literal nightmare for her, but I’ll explain more another time.” Ali says quickly and wraps the kids up in another hug. “Grandma Deb is gonna take you guys tonight if that’s ok. Maybe you can all get some ice cream!” She offers cheerily._

_“Yay!” C.J. shouts._

_“Ok.” Jade says quietly._

_“Hey, sweetheart. It really is going to be ok. We’ll sort it all out. I promise you.” Ali hugs Jade again and gets a nod._

_“Is Ashlyn really ok?” Jade says shyly._

_“Yes, she’s ok. She just got really scared and just needs some quiet time to help her calm down.” Ali replies gently._

_“Tell her thank you and that I’m sorry for him.” Jade insists sadly._

_“You don’t have to be sorry for anyone, honey. But I’ll tell her you hope she feels better, ok?” Ali runs a hand through the little girl’s wild curly hair._

_“Ok.” Jade agrees._

_“Be good for Grandma Deb tonight and I’ll see you tomorrow. Love you.” Ali gives them all one final hug and heads over to Derek and Sergeant Tony._

_“Hey Sergeant Tony, thank you so much.” Ali says appreciatively before looking at Derek. “Are you okay, Derek?”_

_“Uh, yeah.” Derek shrugs and looks at his feet._

_Ali gives him a few more seconds to say something else, but nothing comes. She fights hard to push down the anger she feels so she can talk to him gently. “I’m glad you’re ok, you all had me really worried. Why don’t you go sit with Deb while I figure everything out, ok? I’ll come over in a few minutes.”_

_“Yep.” Derek walks off without even looking at her._

_“Hey Ali, it’s ok.” Sergeant Tony lightly puts a hand on her shoulder after she sighs deeply. “First off, how’s Ashlyn?”_

_“Really shaken, but a little calmer now. I think she’ll be alright.” Ali replies. “They said you were first on the scene. Level with me, what happened?” She implores him._

_“Well let me start with telling you that the damage actually isn’t that bad. The outer area and railing of the deck need to be replaced, but beyond that it’s fine. The house is fine, smells mildly like smoke inside but it’ll air out in like a day or so.” Sergeant Tony tells her._

_“Thank god for that.” Ali makes a mental note that she and Ashlyn need to stay elsewhere until that smoke smell is gone._

_“All thanks to Ashlyn. The kids were outside with your mother when I got here. They said she was inside, so I ran to find her. She didn’t really start panicking until I got her away from it, but before that you should’ve seen her. Obviously, she got the kids and dog out…but then she went back and tossed all the dirt from your planters on the fire. Those things are huge, don’t even know how she lifted them. It saved your house though. She almost had it out all by herself. It was a grease and fuel based fire too, so had she done anything else, it would’ve just spread. Incredible really, she was amazing.” He recounts in awe._

_“Jesus.” It’s all Ali can say as she thinks about her poor wife fighting a fire she’s terrified of to save the kids and the house. She’s half proud, half hurting for Ashlyn at the thought of it. “Did you say fuel? How did…Derek?” She asks incoherently as her mind races._

_“He told me right away. He got his hands on blow torch from a friend’s house and was messing around with it on the deck. He was lighting some leaves on fire and one of them flew over to the rags you guys had near the grill. The rags had grill grease on them and caught fast. He tried to put them in the bucket near the grill to put them out, but…” He gets cut off by Ali._

_“The charcoal lighter fluid container was in there.” Ali finishes for him and pinches the bridge of her nose._

_“Exactly. The whole thing caught and the plastic just melted, spilling onto the deck and soaking into the wood. Not a good combo.” Sergeant Tony sympathizes. “I know it could’ve been bad, but just remember that everyone is ok and the house is ok.” He reminds her._

_“I know, thank you. I’m honestly relieved and happy about that.” Ali calms herself down. “I just…do you believe him?” She has to ask. Sergeant Tony has heard more of Derek’s excuses and explanations than anyone else. She wants desperately to believe this was an accident, but with Derek it’s just not that easy._

_“I actually do this time. I know he seems closed off and not particularly sorry, but I honestly think this wasn’t something he planned. This was a bored and stupidly-not-thinking 12-year-old boy messing around with a blow torch. He was just screwing around and messed up big.” Sergeant Tony says earnestly._

_“Ok. Thank you. I don’t even know what else to say right now. You’ve been a blessing for us and I’m so sorry that you keep getting dragged into it.” Ali says apologetically._

_“Hey, Ali. This is my job and I’m here to help.” Sergeant Tony says kindly._

_“Thank you just the same, you’ve gone above and beyond.” Ali smiles at him._

_“You’re welcome. So, there are actually a couple of procedural things…” Sergeant Tony says with a sympathetic grimace._

_“Lay it on me.” Ali replies, just wanting to get it over with._

_“I’m assuming you don’t want to press arson charges on your foster son?” Sergeant Tony asks seriously._

_Ali sighs and wills herself to ignore the emotions she feels right now so she can be rationale. “No, of course not.”_

_“Ok. Well, then I just need a statement from him so we can file a report for you. It’ll be important for your insurance claim. And I’d like to get it done ASAP so he doesn’t forget details. I just need a guardian or responsible adult party with him.” Sergeant Tony explains._

_“Yeah, ok. Uh…I really shouldn’t leave Ashlyn right now. Can my brother go?” Ali asks._

_“Absolutely.” He replies with a nod._

_“Alright, I’ll have Kyle go to the station with him so you can get it done this evening.” Ali lays out a plan. “Thank you again, we owe you dinner. Or like five… come by the restaurant any time, it’s on us.”_

_“Really not necessary, but thanks. Go take care of Ashlyn and I’ll get everything straightened out with Derek. Just get some rest for tonight and everything else will get figured out over the next few days.” Sergeant Tony gives her smile._

_“You’re right and I will. Thank you, thank you, thank you, and have a good rest of the day.” Ali says kindly._

_“You too.” Sergeant Tony waves as she walks away._

_It takes about an hour for Ali to coordinate with Deb and Kyle, book a hotel room for her and Ashlyn tonight so they can have some quiet away from the smoke-scented house, pack some overnight bags, and say goodnight to the kids before she is finally getting her wife into her car. Ashlyn still hasn’t said a word, so she just holds her hand during the drive to the hotel. Her emotions are all over the place. She feels guilty for not being with the kids after this crazy day, but also knows Deb and Kyle are perfectly capable of handling them. Ashlyn needs her the most and is her priority right now. She’s sad and hurts for her poor wife, she’s scared about what happened, and something inside is still so angry about it all._

_“Hey love, how’s my girl?” Ali asks sweetly once she gets Ashlyn seated on the edge of the hotel bed, kneeling in front of her. Ashlyn just gives her a tiny smile and nods her head. “It’s ok.” She encourages her to take her time and kisses Ashlyn’s hands that she is holding in her own. It’s only then that she realizes how dirty she is. Her wife’s hands and forearms caked with dirt from what she can only assume was from the planters she used to put out the fire, a couple scratches on her wrist and elbow. Her clothing is all smudged in various spots too, her knees and legs have a coating of some kind of dust._

_“Let’s get you cleaned up, baby.” Ali suggests and gets another nod. She quickly runs a warm bath, glad that their hotel room has a sizeable tub even though she hadn’t thought to request one. She’s back in just a few minutes, slowly stripping Ashlyn and then herself before leading her wife into the bath and settling in behind her so she can hold her. It’s not the easiest from this position, but she manages to get Ashlyn clean with a washcloth and then shampoos her hair, making sure to gently massage her muscles along the way to relieve as much tension as she can. By the time she’s done, she can feel that Ashlyn’s body is a bit more relaxed as her wife leans back into her chest. She feels Ashlyn taking some deep breaths after a while and knows she is working up to saying something, but fifteen minutes pass in silence and the water is getting cold. She reluctantly gets them both out of the tub, pecks Ashlyn’s lips softly and gets her wrapped up in a fluffy hotel robe._

_“There, baby. So much better.” Ali combs Ashlyn’s damp hair back out of her face. “You want a t-shirt and shorts or do you want some sweat pants?” She holds up both options in her hands so Ashlyn can pick one._

_“No. Just you.” Ashlyn shakes her head, a couple squeaky words finally coming out._

_“There’s my gorgeous voice. Hi love.” Ali smiles and wraps her arms low around Ashlyn’s hips. “So, no pjs?”_

_Ashlyn shakes her head no to confirm._

_“Ok, don’t have to tell me twice.” Ali pecks her lips again and works on undoing both of their robes, settling into bed and pulling Ashlyn into her chest._

_Ali’s heartbeat against her cheek, soothing arms holding her close, warm familiar skin all over her own, this is when Ashlyn finally feels the nervous energy start to leave. Everything that has been clenched so tightly inside for the last few hours suddenly loosens and she feels like she can breathe freely again._

_“What if… what if I didn’t stop it?” Ashlyn asks in a half whisper._

_Ashlyn’s voice sounds so tiny that it practically breaks Ali’s heart. “Come here.” Ali gently pulls Ashlyn up a bit and finds her eyes. “The thing is that you did, Ash.  You did. You saved our kids, our dog, our house...and nothing else matters. You were amazing, love.”_

_“Yeah, but…what if…” Ashlyn trails off, teeth biting the skin of her lower lip nervously._

_“Ashlyn, if you didn’t put it out, we would have lost our house and our things. But so what…all of that is replaceable. Before that you saved our kids, sweetheart. You faced something you are completely terrified of to save our kids and nothing will change that. You’re ok, our kids are ok. Nothing else matters. I don’t have words for how incredible you are, how strong you are. You’re everything and I love you so much, baby. So damn much. C.J. said you were a superhero… he was right.” Ali lightly strokes her cheek._

_“I was so scared. I’m still scared...sorry, pathetic.” Ashlyn admits sheepishly._

_“It’s ok to be scared. You have every reason to be scared. All of it scared me too.” Ali soothes her. “Remember what you once wrote to me? That being brave isn’t being fearless, but rather being afraid and facing the fear anyway. You’re the bravest person I know, love. And I’m so damn lucky to have you. Our kids are lucky, I’m lucky. I’m right beside you and I’ve got you, always.”_

_“Thank you.” Ashlyn nuzzles herself into the crook of Ali’s neck. “You make me feel safe. I was so lost and messed up today until I heard your voice. I love you, Alex.”_

_“You’ll never be lost…I’ll always find you. Count on it, my brave marshmallow.” Ali promises and feels Ashlyn smile into the skin of her shoulder. She rubs small circles on Ashlyn’s back for quite a while as they lay there in comfortable silence._

_“Al, why would he… do you think he…” Ashlyn can’t find it in her to actually ask the question, her heart feeling too hurt at the potential truth._

_“He just made a stupid mistake, wasn’t intentional.” Ali says softly, willing herself to believe her own words even though her stomach churns again at the mention of it. “That’s not for tonight though, ok? Let’s just get some rest, find some peace, and we’ll deal with everything else tomorrow. It’s just you and me tonight.”_

_“Ok, you’re right. Just you and me…I need that.” Ashlyn lifts her head and presses her forehead to Ali’s. “Kiss me?” She whispers._

_“All night.” Ali smiles. “Always. I’ll kiss you forever.” She leans in and capture’s her wife’s lips, the kiss a bit sloppy and languid as a barely audible whimper echoes out of Ashlyn’s mouth and into her own. It doesn’t break until fifteen minutes later when Ashlyn’s lips slow down and completely stop, her breathing soft and steady as the exhaustion of the day finally catches up with her._

_“I don’t know what I would do if anything happened to you, Ash.” Ali admits as she listens to her wife snore lightly, doing her best not to think about what could have happened today and focusing on finding security in the fact that everything turned out okay. She releases a deep breath and wills her fears to go with it, holding Ashlyn a little bit tighter. Their kids are safely at Deb’s house. Ashlyn is sleeping soundly in her arms. That’s all she needs._

_\-------_

_“Sure you want to do this?” Ali asks nervously as they stand at the front door of their house after a night of minimally restful sleep at the hotel. Ashlyn had woken up early this morning and insisted on wanting to see the fire damage, her demeanor seemingly back to normal._

_“I promise I can handle it.” Ashlyn assures her._

_Ali unlocks and pushes open the door, immediately glad that there is no smoke smell as they walk through the living room. As unfazed as Ashlyn is attempting to seem right now, the look of relief on her face is a dead giveaway that she was clearly anxious about it too._

_“Ok, really not that awful, right?” Ashlyn says as they stand on the deck, one hand entwined tightly with Ali’s. The area running from about the middle of the deck to the railing is charred and the railing itself is crumbling. Still, it looks like a straight-forward repair. The same can’t be said for the ceramic planters that are on their sides and cracked, a few charred looking twigs the only thing left of the small fruit trees that were once housed in them._

_“Yeah, really not that bad.” Ali agrees. “I’ll call Roger this afternoon so he can come out and give us an estimate for the insurance.”_

_“Good idea.” Ashlyn lets out a deep sigh, proud of herself for feeling pretty okay right now despite the sight of fire damage right in front of her. It still smells like burnt wood outside, but at least the house seems fine otherwise._

_“Doing ok?” Ali asks as she sits down next to Ashlyn on their couch, resting her head on her wife’s shoulder._

_“Yeah, I’m ok. Still wrapping my head around everything, but better than I expected.” Ashlyn replies truthfully._

_Ali curls into Ashlyn’s side and lets her arm fall across her stomach, giving her a gentle squeeze and kissing her cheek. She lets the comfortable silence between them linger for a while before she hesitantly breaks it. They only have an hour left before the time they told Deb they’d pick up the kids and they need to figure something out. “What are we gonna do, Ash?” She asks softly, knowing she doesn’t have to elaborate for Ashlyn to understand._

_Ashlyn takes a few deep breaths before just going with what her heart is telling her to do. “I’ll talk to him, Alex.” She replies calmly._

_Ali’s head is up off of Ashlyn’s shoulder almost as fast as her heartrate spikes. “You’ll talk to him?!” Her eyes widen in disbelief. “You’ll talk to him?!” She repeats again to confirm, only to get a look of confusion from Ashlyn. “Talk?! That’s it?!” Her voice is shaking, the bite behind it obvious._

_“Uh, um…yeah.” Ashlyn replies in a bit of a stutter, taken completely off guard by Ali’s reaction. “What… Al?” She looks at Ali in concern, trying to understand._

_“Ashlyn…” Ali pinches the bridge of her nose, the anger she has been feeling lately bubbling right up to the surface. “He could have hurt or killed you, and C.J., and Jade, and our dog. He almost burnt the house down…I… I know it turned out ok…but…do you even realize how different this could have been?!” She yells despite trying not to._

_“Of course I realize that! I’m the one that panicked over that to begin with!” Ashlyn replies defensively, sitting up a bit more on the couch and far from relaxed now. “But what do you want me to do here?”_

_“I…I don’t…I could have fucking lost you and our kids… and you want to just talk to him?!” Ali’s emotions completely take over. “Don’t you think we’re a bit beyond talking now?” She asks pointedly._

_“Alex, what the hell are you saying exactly?” Ashlyn feels her own anger come to the surface, something wounded and buried deep inside starting to rise up uncontrollably._

_“All I know is we have a damn big decision to make in no time at all and we can’t keep pretending like this whole thing is going to blow over like we thought it would. It has been months, Ashlyn…months! We’re doing it all at the risk of our kids, our families, ourselves… we can’t just keep plowing through like this!” Ali doesn’t even realize she’s on her feet, hands balled into fists at her side._

_“What are you saying, Alex?” Ashlyn asks again through clenched teeth and a hard stare, each word coming out of her mouth vey deliberately._

_Ali isn’t even sure what she is saying, her emotions all over the place and just releasing in a frenzy. It’s not like she has some solution, but she knows she sure as hell expects more than just giving Derek another lecture that he won’t listen to. It’s dangerous to think out loud, especially in such a turbulent state of mind, but her mouth is opening before she can stop it. “I just think that we need to consider that maybe this isn’t the best option for….”_

_“No… don’t you dare!” Ashlyn cuts her off venomously. “Don’t you even think about finishing that fucking sentence!” She points a finger at Ali in warning. “You think long and fucking hard about the woman you married and claim you’ll love forever… remember who she is and where she came from… remember who she would have been if it wasn’t for her grandparents never turning their back on her. Be scared, be insecure, be worried, be whatever the hell you feel inside… but, get your head out of your damn ass and remember who you are and who you promised to be for me and for our kids. Maybe then you can finish that sentence, Alex.” Ashlyn glares at her and makes her way to the front door._

_Ali’s heart drops into her stomach, but Ashlyn’s reaction only fuels her anger further. “What the fuck, Ashlyn! ‘Claim’ that I love you, what is that shit?! You didn’t even let me finish! Where the hell are you going?!” Ali yells as follows behind her._

_“I’m going to go pick up our kids. I think maybe you should go back to the hotel.” Ashlyn replies in a grumble and doesn’t bother to turn around and look at her._

_“How fucking dare you…” Ali exclaims incredulously._

_“Don’t, Alex…just don’t.” Ashlyn cuts her off and walks out the front door and gives Ali one more hard glare before slamming the door behind her._

_“Ashlyn!” Ali screams out in frustration, picking up a book that was on the entrance table and slamming it to the floor in pure rage. She’s mad, so fucking mad. They’ve never fought like this, never yelled at each other, never launched obscenities or walked away angrily. She’s never been mad at Ashlyn before, not like this. How could she just walk away like that? How can she not understand where she was coming from? Why can’t she see that this situation is hurting all of them? How could she look at her like that? She’s mad, she’s so mad at her… and it hurts, it hurts inside to feel so suddenly disconnected from the person she always feels so inseparable from. “What the fuck?!” She yells out again and stalks up the stairs for no other reason than to burn off her wild energy._

_Ali paces around the bedroom for twenty solid minutes, mumbling to herself as it all washes over her. It’s not much longer before she just feels drained and sits down on her side of the bed. The fury inside has started to die down a bit as the hurt really starts to take over, sadness settling in deep at what just happened and what it could mean.  She thinks more deeply about what Ashlyn said, but finds herself getting angry again and buries her face into her hands, the box sitting on the bottom shelf of her nightstand eventually catching her eye. She picks it up and quickly rifles through it like she has in the past, hoping for something, anything, that will soothe her in this moment._

_“Hmmph, doubt you had this kind of day in mind.” Ali scoffs doubtfully at the envelope in her hands even as her thumb works to open the seal: ‘Open when…You’re mad at me.’_

_My kind Alex,_

_I am an idiot. I don’t even have a clue what I did or why you opened this envelope, but it doesn’t matter. I can promise you with all my heart that I am so deeply sorry. If you’re mad at me, then it’s because I’ve done something wrong, hurt you, or haven’t communicated with you properly…none of those is in any way excusable and I’m so sorry, Alex. No matter what happened, I can assure you that I’ll realize how much of an idiot I am in no time and make it right. I know for sure that I will because you are the most important thing in the world to me. I would never hurt you intentionally and I will never let you go. Just give me a few hours, probably not even that long…I’ll realize and fix it. Please forgive me, baby. I love you with all my heart, Alex._

_Love,_

_Your Very Sorry Marshmallow._

_PS- Told you I wasn’t perfect. Doesn’t mean I won’t try to be for you though._

_“Oh, baby…I’m the one who fucked up.” Ali sighs as she folds the letter and puts it back in the box, Ashlyn’s words hitting her hard. Ashlyn didn’t even know what she would have done wrong when she wrote this letter, but she loves her so much that she takes full responsibility without knowing…apologizing because she’d rather be wrong than lose what they together have for any reason._

_“All you did was love, honey. I’m the idiot.” Ali berates herself when it suddenly dawns her just how much she let her fear and anger get in the way of what her heart truly feels. Especially because Ashlyn didn’t falter…no, Ashlyn’s big heart has done nothing but love unconditionally the whole way no matter what they’ve faced the last few months. It’s not on Ashlyn to make it right, it’s on her._

_“Here we go. Get your shit together, Alex.” Ali whispers to herself as she hears Ashlyn and the kids get home, C.J.’s unmistakable elephant sounding footsteps in the living room just below their bedroom. She wonders for a second if she should go downstairs or call Ashlyn upstairs, but before she can act on either of those options Ashlyn is at their bedroom door. Cloudy green-swirled hazel find her own._

_“Alex, I’m such a damn idiot…I’m so sor...” Ashlyn starts to blurt out before she’s surprised by Ali practically pouncing on her and hugging her tight, her feet stumbling to stay upright at the sudden move._

_“No, no, no…don’t Ash…please don’t.” Ali hugs her wife so tightly and buries her face into her neck as she pleads._

_“Hey, Alex…” Ashlyn says worriedly and pulls back a bit, her hands going to gently hold Ali’s face so she can look at her. “Don’t what, honey? What’s going on?”_

_“Don’t say you’re sorry.” A tear rolls down Ali’s cheek. “Don’t you ever apologize for how much you love, for how big and open your heart is… don’t ever be sorry for loving and protecting our family the way you do…ever. Don’t ever do it.” Ali’s hands go to the back of her wife’s neck, her forehead pressing against Ashlyn’s. “I’m the idiot. I let my stupid fears stand in the way of my heart and I was letting them speak and act for me. But I swear to you Ashlyn, I wasn’t going to say what you thought I was. I may be scared, but I’ll never give up on you or our family. I love you. I love you so much. And I’m so, so sorry, baby. I’m sorry.”_

_“Shhh, it’s ok, Al.” Ashlyn pulls Ali back into the tight hug and rubs her back gently. “It was my fault too. I never should have yelled at you or left like I did. I should have stayed and listened to you and talked it out. I know you better than that… I know you would never jump to what I thought you were going to jump to. I let my own vulnerabilities get the best of me and I didn’t listen to you. I’m sorry too, Alex.” Ashlyn pulls back to look at her again. “Can we just call it a really stupid stress moment for both of us, promise never to do it again, and just move forward?”_

_“I’d like that.” Ali cracks a little smile and pecks Ashlyn’s lips. “I don’t deserve you.”_

_“Of course you do.” Ashlyn slides a hand down to Ali’s inked hipbone before moving the brunette’s hand to her own corresponding one. “Perfect match, remember? Even in our stupidity.” Ashlyn chuckles lightly. “Love you with all my heart.”_

_Ali just gives her a nose-crinkling grin before kissing her hard, the two of them stumbling a bit again as a passionate fire quickly builds between them, one that hasn’t emerged properly in the last couple of months amidst all the chaos. “Mmmmm…Ash…where are… the…kids?” Ali breathes out between hot kisses even as her hands slide up the back of her wife’s shirt._

_“God I love to kiss you.” Ashlyn pulls back breathing heavily, going in for one more and sighing as she eventually pulls away again. “They’re downstairs with your Mom. I uh…I told her a little about what happened and how dumb I was. She called it… said we were both being dumb and that she was sure you’d be here when we got home. So she insisted on coming home with me so we could talk to each other, talk to Derek, and then go from there.”_

_“That’s my Debbers.” Ali shakes her head with a smile at how well her mother knows her._

_“As much as I want to continue this…” Ashlyn kisses the brunette again. “I guess we really should talk about how to approach Derek and then get to it.”_

_“Nothing to talk about.” Ali finds Ashlyn’s eyes again. “You were right, we’ll talk to him. And even though I have no idea what exactly you planned to say…I already know that whatever it is, I’m going to be right there beside you and back you up 100%. Because I know you Ashlyn Harris. I know your heart. I know the depth of your love. I know exactly what you are doing and I couldn’t love you more for it. So let’s just go do it… together.”_

_“Alex…I…” Ashlyn takes a deep breath and closes her eyes. “If you only knew how good it feels inside to know how much you believe in me… how much I truly love you…I feel you everywhere…” She tries to find the words._

_Ali puts her finger over her wife’s soft lips. “Just kiss me, marshmallow… just kiss me.”_

_Ashlyn complies, taking another minute to focus on nothing but the feel of Ali’s mouth on hers before knowing they really need to get to their task. “So urine this with me, Hello Kidney?” She winks at the brunette._

_“Always and everywhere, Kidney Express. In war and in pee-ace, so urine luck.” Ali winks back._

_“Come on my beautiful nerd, I’ll fix your war paint. You can fix mine.” Ashlyn chuckles and motions to the mascara on the make-up counter._

_“United front, I like it. You’re perfect, my hot dork.” Ali leans in and kisses the hollow of Ashlyn’s throat a couple times just to hear that little breath hitch she loves._

_\---------_

_Ali watches Derek shuffle his feet as he sits there looking down at the floor, just like he has for the last 40 minutes or so that Ashlyn has been talking. To his credit, this is one of only times he actually looks remorseful. She sits there quietly, yet again in awe of her wife as Ashlyn calmly tells their foster son the details of her past… the fire, her intense fear that led to the panic attack yesterday, how hard her life was growing up, how she lost her brother and spent years working through that…right up until how she met Ali, which none of the kids have heard about. She knows how much strength it takes for Ashlyn to open up like this and she’s so proud of her._

_“Derek, I believe you didn’t do it on purpose, but you have to remember to think really hard about the choices you make and your actions. The littlest thing can impact so much more than just you, sometimes more than you could ever know or foresee. But as hard as yesterday was for all of us, and me in particular, it truly doesn’t make a difference in the grand scheme of things. And I don’t really know how to get this through to you, but I’ll try my best. I love you, I will always love you. I’m never going to turn my back on you, no matter how hard you make it for me. So, whether you choose to continue down the path you are on or choose to make some changes, I’m here just the same. I’m not like everyone else you’ve met, I promise you that and I’ll forever work to prove it to you. I’m sure as hell not going to be happy if I have to go visit you in prison someday… and I wish so much better for you than that, but even then, that doesn’t mean I won’t be there. I’ll never stop loving you and I’ll never stop trying.” Ashlyn makes her intentions clear as day._

_Ali’s heart beats fast, inspired and fueled by Ashlyn’s dedication and ability to love so wholeheartedly. She watches Derek carefully as he continues to look at the floor and she chooses to stay silent for the time being to give him a chance to process._

_“I really didn’t mean for it to happen yesterday and I’m sorry.” Derek offers a minute later as he picks his head up to look at Ashlyn._

_Ali’s eyes go a bit wide, it’s the first time he’s really apologized for something and the smallest spark of hope ignites inside._

_“Apology accepted. Let’s move on from here.” Ashlyn replies warmly._

_“Yeah.” Derek replies before a very familiar smug little smirk plays at his lips. “What about you, Princessa… you gonna visit me in jail too?” He looks at Ali challengingly._

_Over the past few months, these snarky comments from him would sink her willpower and leave her reeling. Not today. She’s ready. She was ready the second she told Ashlyn she was completely in this with her…ready to wear her heart on her sleeve no matter how battered it gets._

_“Honestly, Derek…I’d much rather visit you at college or bring you lunch at work. But if jail is your aspiration, then I’ll be there every visiting minute I can be. That’s the thing about this family, we swim together and we sink together. And no matter how hard you fight it, you are in this family and you are loved.” Ali just smiles at him genuinely. “Ashlyn and I are a team in every sense of the word. We share more than a kidney, we share a heart. She loves you, I love you, we love you…completely, totally, and permanently. If you think we’ll ever go back on that or throw it away because you’re struggling, you’ve got another thing coming. Test it all you want, but we won’t fail you…just like we won’t fail Jade… just like we won’t fail C.J. We love you, Derek, and we’ll do anything to help you. This is your home, this is your family, and we hope that… no matter how long it takes… you’ll truly believe it someday and feel it in your heart the way we do. So yeah, you’re damn right that Princessa will be there with bells on, count on it.”_

_Derek just looks a bit stunned, maybe somewhat emotional as his feet start shuffling again. He gives Ali a quick nod and watches as Ashlyn takes her hand and smiles at her._

_“Why don’t you head upstairs and get going on the late homework you still have to makeup from yesterday.” Ashlyn suggests, giving him an easy out to not have to say anything right now. “I’ll come up in a little while and we can talk more about what food you want for your birthday party next weekend.” She adds as he starts to climb the stairs._

_“You’re still throwing me a birthday party?” Derek stops dead in his tracks._

_“It’s your birthday Saturday, isn’t it?” Ashlyn asks with a smile._

_“Well yeah, but with…I…” Derek stutters._

_“Oh, did you miss the part about us loving you and wanting the best for you? Cause I swore we said that a couple times, but maybe we need to say it again?” Ali says playfully._

_“No…uh…I got it…I just… thank you.” He replies in a low voice._

_“You’re welcome. Now get going on that homework, cause I’m still hoping for the day that I get to embarrass you in front of your college roommate. We’ll be up in a little while.” Ali shoots him another smile._

_“Ha, me too!” Ashlyn chuckles and watches Derek shake his head with a smile as he goes upstairs._

_“You…” Ashlyn tries to find the words, pulling Ali into her lap the brunette starts to stand up._

_“No… you.” Ali takes Ashlyn’s face in her hands and kisses her deeply until they’re both a little winded. “I love you, Ashlyn…and I love our family.”_

_“Forever and a day. You’re my heart.” Ashlyn replies lovingly._

_\-------------------------------------_

“Our first glimpse of what it could be like. That was such a good day…well mostly.” Ali takes a minute to look at the picture carefully. Derek is smiling widely in front of his huge 13th birthday cake, the one Ali had gone all out on even though there were only about 25 people at the party and the cake served 40 people. Jade is to Derek’s left, her arm looped through his as she looks up at him adoringly with a smile on her face. C.J. is sitting to Derek’s right, leaned forward onto the table and trying to get his finger in the frosting. She and Ashlyn are just behind all three of them, arms around the three kids and smiling happily in the moment. It’s the first time they actually look like a family, the first time everyone looks comfortable and nothing appears forced.

“Since the moment we had C.J., that’s always been the thing I admire most about you…you’re such an amazing parent. You’ve always kept it real with them, been so supportive even when you don’t agree with their choices. You’ve let them fail and learn, but you’ve never let them fall. I’ve never had that kind of perfect balance like you, but you know, we work so well together. You and me, baby…look at the family we built.” Ali puts the book aside for a minute and studies Ashlyn’s face, leaning down to softly kiss her lips and wishing desperately that they would kiss her back.

“I wish I knew what was in your mind right now, if you can hear me, and if you hurt…I don’t want you to hurt, Ash. I can’t bear you being in pain. Don’t stay if it hurts. Doesn’t matter if I’m ready or not to let go, I want peace, and light, and love for you always. Go when you’re ready, honey. I’ll find my way, I promise you. Don’t stay for me if it hurts. And if it doesn’t…well, I’ll take every minute you give me with a full heart.” Ali lightly strokes her cheek and kisses her eyelids. “I miss your eyes the most.” She sighs and puts the scrapbook back on her lap.

“You were totally right by the way, as much as our kids trashed like every damn nice thing we ever had… the trade-off was worth the way that they’ve been pampering us for the last couple years.  I don’t know what I would do without them right now. Although I still have half a mind to spill cheerios all over their cars and stick gum under their coffee tables, maybe break a window or two for good measure.” Ali laughs. “But I’m just gonna trust that our grandkids have done a fine job of that for us!”

“Poor King Arthur, he never had a chance.” Ali grimaces at the picture of Ashlyn’s old Jeep that her wife had strategically placed under the one from Derek’s 13th birthday party as a memorial. It was the last night that car would ever be whole again. As much as Ashlyn loved that Jeep, the first thing she had ever splurged on and treated with such meticulous care, she would always say that what came from its demise was worth its weight in gold and then some.

 

_“That’s a wrap.” Oscar says as he tosses the last bag of trash into the dumpster behind the restaurant while Ashlyn tosses another one full of bottles and cans into the recycling bin. Everyone else went home an hour ago and they stayed behind to clean up._

_“You are seriously the best.” Ashlyn pats him on the shoulder. “Thank you.”_

_“My pleasure.” Oscar shrugs her off. “Come on, I saved us some cake!” He makes his way into the kitchen with Ashlyn in tow and puts a couple of plates with cake slices on the on the counter, pulling over a stool for each of them while Ashlyn grabs some forks and fixes a couple mugs of coffee.._

_“Better be as good as it looks, Alex drove like an hour to get this cake from a specific bakery.” Ashlyn shakes her head._

_“I saved her a slice too.” Oscar points to another plate with saran wrap covering it._

_“Really, Oscar…I can’t thank you enough for today. You totally didn’t have to spend your Saturday working overtime to cook for a teenager’s birthday party and then staying to clean up afterwards too. I really appreciate it, you have no idea.” Ashlyn says gratefully._

_“Like I said, it was my pleasure.” Oscar repeats before putting his fork down. “Can I tell you something?”_

_“Yeah man, of course.” Ashlyn puts her own fork down and looks at him attentively._

_Oscar looks pensive for a few seconds before he just says it bluntly. “My biological parents dropped me off at the Boca Raton fire department when I was 4 years old and never came back. I honestly don’t remember that much about them, but I remember that night vividly. They argued about something, yelled, put me in the car, and left me there in my pajamas.” Oscar says solemnly. “I was in four different foster homes over the course of seven years, a couple of them pretty awful, before my parents adopted me. And they’re amazing people my Mom and Dad, I wouldn’t be who I am and where I am without them. I didn’t make it easy because I had a lot of resentment that I directed towards them even though it had nothing to do with them… but they got through to me eventually. And here I am.”_

_“Jesus, I had no idea. I’m sorry you went through that.” Ashlyn says empathetically._

_“It’s ok, we all have our demons.” Oscar looks at her knowingly. “Besides, I consider myself pretty lucky in the end. The truth is that I often try to put myself in my parents’ shoes. I always wonder if I’d ever have the strength to do what they did…take someone else’s troubled kid into my home and have an open enough heart to actually love them like my own. Even being a parent now, I still don’t know the answer to that question. I just know that I’m lucky to have them.”_

_“Well, now having had some experience on the other side of it… I can tell you that they are lucky to have you too.” Ashlyn smiles at him._

_“Thank you for that, gotta admit I was no angel for quite some time. But that’s where I was going with this.” Oscar explains. “What you and Ali are doing for those two kids, Derek in particular, it’s nothing short of heroic, Ashlyn. I know the hell you have been through with him this year…and he’s still here and you’re still here for him. I’m in awe of your strength and love. I can’t imagine how hard it is, but if I could offer a little bit of perspective from his side of things…” He pauses in case she doesn’t want to hear it._

_“Absolutely.” Ashlyn nods, eager to hear what he has to say._

_“You’re doing amazing, even if it doesn’t feel like it. You’re doing all the right things…just keep at it and don’t give up. From an abandoned kid who has been there, it’s hard to let yourself be loved. He will though, even if he fights you the whole way. One day, it’ll just hit him and he’ll realize, and he’ll finally trust and let you in. It’ll be worth it…for all of you. All I gotta say is, god bless you and that incredible wife of yours for throwing him a birthday party like this after he practically torched your house last week. You are a stronger person than I am, my friend.” Oscar pats her on the shoulder._

_“Thanks, Oscar. That means so much to me to hear that. And really timely motivation too. I’ll admit that this has been really damn hard…ridiculously hard. It has stressed and tested us to the max, in ways neither Alex nor I could have ever imagined. But we just can’t give up on him and Jade, they’re ours…you know? They have been since we knew of their existence, we just felt it inside. So tough going or not, we keep moving one day at a time, one step at a time, and hope for the best.” Ashlyn says humbly._

_“I’m just glad that such wonderful and special people like you and Ali exist in this world. And even happier that I know you and consider you family.” Oscar says genuinely._

_“Right back at you.” Ashlyn smiles. “And speaking of family, get out of here and make sure you tell your wife thank you for letting us steal you away for a few extra hours today.”_

_“Will do, but really, I was happy to do it. Besides this cake is insanely good and my wife is gonna flip when she tastes it.” Oscar shoves another forkful into his mouth. “Ali knows good food.”_

_“Seriously, so good! That’s my girl.” Ashlyn says proudly._

_“Yeah well, I know Ali has a sweet tooth, so I saved her a really big slice since I know she was too busy to eat any.” He motions to the plate on the counter again. “Pretty sure you can use that to your advantage tonight. Better get home, Chef.” Oscar winks and laughs._

_“Bro.” Ashlyn fist bumps him. With so much going on, it has been over a month since she and Ali have been intimate and the mere thought of it is enough to get her worked up and ready to make it happen to tonight._

_“Don’t give me too much credit, I only thought of it cause that’s exactly what I’m going home to do myself.” Oscar snickers._

_“Well then…” Ashlyn raises her coffee mug. “Here’s to waking up naked.”_

_“Cheers to that, Chef.” Oscar clinks her mug._

_\-----_

_“Hey beautiful.” Ashlyn finds Ali putting on one of her old t-shirts in the closet of their bedroom and wraps her arms around her waist from behind, planting a kiss on her cheek. Ali in her clothes will never fail to stir the butterflies in her stomach and a few other things on top of that._

_“Hi love. Glad it didn’t take too long to clean up.” Ali turns her head and kisses Ashlyn solidly on the lips._

_“Wasn’t bad at all. The kids in bed already?” Ashlyn asks._

_“Pretty much. Just finished bedtime story with C.J, but I’m sure he’s still awake playing with his stuffed animals in bed. Jade is in bed reading a book as usual, and Derek is taking a shower since he was still a mess from the jelly donuts.” Ali shakes her head._

_“Yeah that is the last time we put Kyle in charge of party games. Like, who buys jelly donuts for playing donut on a string?” Ashlyn laughs. “Was near impossible to even tie the donuts because they had no holes in them!”_

_“Seriously. I’ll never let him live it down.” Ali rolls her eyes. “Was kinda funny to watch though, especially because we didn’t have to play!”_

_“Yeah, except I had to mop the floor tonight. What a mess.” Ashlyn shakes her head._

_“If you hurry, bet you can get in some goodnight kisses before they fall asleep.” Ali suggests._

_“Perfect, be right back!” Ashlyn says happily, giving Ali’s waist a little squeeze before heading off to the kids’ rooms._

_Although Ashlyn tries to make her goodnights to the kids quick because she doesn’t want to keep them up any longer, C.J. makes her tell his stuffed animals a story all about his day and Jade wants to know the meaning of the words ‘gargoyle’ and ‘apothecary’ in the Harry Potter book she’s reading. Ashlyn takes her time with them, cognizant of the fact that before she knows it they won’t be asking her to do these little routines every night. Derek is still in the bathroom when she’s done, so she yells “Happy Birthday!” and “Goodnight!” loud enough so he can hear her through the door, getting a “Thanks, night” from him in reply which is more acknowledgment than usual._

_“Let me guess, a vocab lesson and an audience of teddy bears that needed a daily replay?” Ali giggles knowingly when Ashlyn walks back into their bedroom almost twenty minutes later._

_“You know it, my queen.” Ashlyn plops down on the bed next to her wife._

_“Oh so I’m a queen tonight?” Ali raises her eyebrows with a smirk._

_“You’re always a queen.” Ashlyn says charmingly._

_“So smooth, marshmallow.”  Ali scoots over a bit closer to her. “This shirt looks amazing on you.” She runs her fingers along the hem of Ashlyn’s short sleeve button up navy shirt that features a pattern of tiny polka-dots on it, the sleeves rolled up a couple times to hug her inked biceps perfectly._

_“Yeah? You like it?” Ashlyn asks, having just picked it out herself recently. Usually Ali or Kyle is there to give her an opinion, but she was on her own that day._

_“I love it.” Ali’s smile quickly turns devilish. “Gonna love it even more crumpled up on our floor.”_

_“Oh really? Hmmm, wonder how it’s going to get there?” Ashlyn playfully ponders out loud._

_“Let me show you.” Ali grabs a fist full of Ashlyn’s shirt and lays back on the bed, pulling her wife down on top of her before kissing her hungrily._

_“Mmmm.” Ashlyn moans into the heated kiss, her body already completely revved up and in overdrive at the way Ali’s tongue is probing her mouth._

_“Want you so bad.” Ali husks breathlessly against Ashlyn’s lips._

_“Need you so bad.” Ashlyn counters in a winded whisper and kisses her deeply again, Ali’s soft whimper into her mouth makes her skin tingle. Her hand is just finding warm skin under the brunette’s shirt when a loud knock at the door makes her jump. “Shit.” She gasps in frustration at having to pull back from the kiss and hears Ali let out a groan of her own._

_The two of them quickly sit back up on the bed and give each other a look-over. Ali runs her hand through Ashlyn’s hair to fix it a bit while Ashlyn straightens Ali’s shirt before they give each other a thumbs up and yell “come in!”_

_“I just uh, wanted to say thanks for the party today. This watch is awesome.” Derek says in a genuine voice as he pokes is head in the door, holding up his arm with his new watch on it._

_“You’re welcome. Happy Birthday!” Ali smiles widely at him, trying to hide her shock that he’s very sweetly thanking them for something. It makes her heart jump._

_“We’re so glad you had a good day. Welcome to the teens, buddy. We love you.” Ashlyn adds with her own huge grin, her hand finding Ali’s and squeezing it._

_“Yeah, lucky 13 right?” Derek’s signature smirk is back on his face. “You know what they say about teenagers…it’s all downhill from here. Guess you two are pretty screwed.” He winks at them. “Sweet dreams, Princessa. You too, Harley.”_

_“Ugh.” Ali falls back into her pillow after Derek closes their door. “Why? Why does he do that?! Why can’t he just leave it at being nice?” She questions in frustration._

_“I just think maybe he doesn’t know how to handle people being kind to him.” Ashlyn shrugs and lays down next to Ali, propping herself up on her elbow to face her. “Which reminds me, did you know Oscar is adopted?”_

_“Really? I had no idea.” Ali replies._

_“Neither did I. He just told me tonight and we had a really nice conversation about it. His story isn’t all that far off from Derek’s in terms of being tossed around various foster homes before he got adopted. He didn’t specify, but he said he really didn’t make things easy for his parents at first and it really took a lot to get through to him.” Ashlyn recounts. “You know, Al… he said we’re doing all the right things and to just be patient. Having been in Derek’s shoes to some extent, Oscar really thinks it’s only a matter of time before Derek realizes he can trust us. So, I guess we just keep at it.”_

_“Hmmm.” Ali considers it. “You know, that actually makes me feel a lot better.”_

_“Me too.” Ashlyn admits. “Guess we just have to try not to get too down about all the things that happen in the meantime.”_

_“Yeah.” Ali nuzzles into Ashlyn’s shoulder a bit. “Right now I’m just gonna forget that last comment he made and focus on what happened before that. It has actually been a really good last few days with him and I kinda felt like maybe we were getting somewhere.”_

_“I’m right there with you on that.” Ashlyn agrees._

_“I mean, he actually thanked us really nicely, that’s a positive!” Ali says cheerily._

_“Yeah, about that… so, the iphone wasn’t enough huh? Decided to tack on an Apple watch?” Ashlyn raises her eyebrows playfully, having been just as surprised by it as Derek was when he opened his gift from them. They had agreed it was probably time he had a cellphone and got him an iphone, but the Apple watch was not in the plans._

_“I know, I know…we should have discussed it. I just, I want him to feel confident, you know?” Ali explains her reason for buying the last minute gift without telling her wife. “Those kids at his private school are so flashy with the things they have. And while we’re not lavish and don’t want our kids to be either…I don’t know… I just thought maybe it would give him a little boost. And if anyone knows how the right accessory can make you feel like a million bucks, it’s this girl right here.” Ali giggles nervously and points to herself with her thumb. “Are you mad?”_

_Ashlyn smiles at her warmly and holds Ali’s cheek gently with one hand. “Just madly in love. How could I ever be mad at the woman who shows me every day why my heart belongs to her and chose her forever, why she’s my perfect match. I couldn’t love you more, Alex.” Ashlyn doesn’t even get a chance to smile at the brunette before Ali has her lips captured in a fiery kiss, her hips straddled by Ali’s strong thighs as her hands get pinned to the bed near her shoulders._

_“Al, fuck…yes.” Ashlyn gasps when Ali’s mouth latches onto her nipple after it only took mere minutes for their clothes to go flying in every direction, the brunette’s wet center is now grinding down onto her thigh as Ali works her chest._

_“Unnnh.” Ali lets out a low half growl, half whimper at the pressure on her clit, moving her hips a little faster and pressing herself down further. She lightly bites her wife’s nipple, hearing Ashlyn let out a loud moan that reminds her that they forgot one very important thing. “Ash…wait… door…lock…” Ali says between the open-mouthed kisses she’s trailing up Ashlyn’s neck, trying to build up the motivation to pull her throbbing center away from the firm thigh muscle that she’s deliciously sliding herself against._

_“Nooo.” Ashlyn groans as Ali licks the hollow of her throat._

_“Have to… quick…” Ali trails off and sucks her wife’s pulse point, hearing another straggled moan that makes her suck harder, relishing in the feel of Ashlyn’s hand gripping her ass more firmly._

_“Mmm, fuck this.” Ashlyn suddenly sits up and swings her legs off the bed with Ali still on top of her, using all of her strength to stand up with the brunette in her arms so they don’t have to pull away from each other._

_“You’re fucking sexy…so damn hot.” Ali wraps her legs around Ashlyn’s waist, her wet center pressing into her wife’s lower stomach now while her hands grip strong inked shoulders tightly. Ashlyn’s large hands grip her ass even tighter as they swiftly move across the room and she makes it all that much more challenging for the short-haired woman to get to the door by kissing her passionately._

_The lock clicks softly after Ashlyn gently presses Ali against the wall so she can free a hand to complete the task. She gets ready to walk them back to the bed, but barely moves before Ali’s legs drop down from her waist and she’s suddenly pinned against their door by the brunette. “Fuck, baby.” Ashlyn grunts softly as her earlobe is sucked into Ali’s mouth and her nipple pinched between the brunette’s fingers._

_“I can’t make it back to the bed without…” Ali breathes out hotly and trails off as her tongue licks down the center of Ashlyn’s abs and finds its way to the inside of her thigh. “Shhhh, love.” Ali pauses at Ashlyn’s increasingly loud moans just long enough to remind her wife to keep it down before running her tongue through drenched folds and plunging her tongue in deep without warning._

_“Holy shit, yes...” Ashlyn sucks air in through her teeth, a fistful of sable hair clenched in her hand as the brunette feasts between her legs._

_“Goddamn, I could eat you forever, baby. You taste so damn good.” Ali mumbles against her wife’s hot center, ample wetness dribbling down her chin and making her own core quiver._

_“Jesus, Alex…oh my god…” Ashlyn’s head goes back against the door with a light thud when Ali’s voice vibrates her clit. Her hips involuntarily cant forward to press herself harder against Ali’s mouth and she feels the brunette lift one of her legs over her shoulder while she uses her other shoulder to pin Ashlyn’s hips to the door firmly. “So close…so…fuck… close…Alex, need you…” Ashlyn moans out raggedly._

_Ali can’t bear the thought of dragging herself away from the sweet, silky walls that are clenching around her tongue, but Ashlyn’s whole body is writhing against the door, her legs are shaking, loud moans emerging from her wide open mouth one after another. She knows she has to remedy the situation fast before they wake up the kids._

_“Oh my fucking…” Ashlyn’s scream is muffled quickly by Ali’s lips, the words going into the brunette’s mouth just as two fingers are deeply thrust into her in one swift move._

_“Come for me, baby…come so hard for me, just for me.” Ali husks into Ashlyn’s ear as she curls her fingers over and over again deep inside her wife, moving her mouth right back to Ashlyn’s so she can swallow the next loud moan. She feels short nails dig into the skin of her shoulder and lower back as Ashlyn’s whole body clenches and quakes around her, fresh wetness coating the base of her fingers and dripping into her palm. “You’re so hot…so damn beautiful, Ashlyn.” She continues to pump into her very slowly as Ashlyn’s hips keep gyrating lazily against her hand._

_“Mmmm…unnnh, mmm.” Ashlyn clutches Ali tightly, leaving sloppy wet kisses all over the top of her shoulder as her body rides out the waves of pleasure rippling through her body. “Alex, you’re incredible…I love you.” She manages to kiss the brunette lazily on the lips before her legs give out and her sweaty back slides down the door until she’s sitting on the floor. “Oh god, love…so good.” Ashlyn’s head rests back against the door, her eyes closed as she tries to catch her breath. Little sparks erupt across her skin as Ali leaves kisses across her upper chest, neck, and jaw._

_“I love you too, baby. I can never get enough of you…you’re gorgeous. All of you, every inch, every detail…I’m obsessed.” Ali runs her right hand lightly over every part of Ashlyn’s body within reach while her left hand rests on the back of her wife’s head and holds it gently against her shoulder. “Open your eyes, love.” Ali whispers as she pulls back just a bit. “Let me see you.” She leaves a lingering kiss on her lips._

_“Hi.” Ashlyn mutters happily when her eyes gaze back into warm cinnamon orbs that look at her like nothing else exists but her. “You’re perfect...most beautiful thing I have ever seen, nothing compares.” She says reverently._

_“Charmer.” Ali smiles as Ashlyn kisses all over her cheeks. “You’re shaking, baby.”_

_“Mmhmm. Still kinda orgasming a little.” Ashlyn admits in a content hum and earns herself another slow deep kiss. “You’re soaked, Al.” She says when Ali’s center drags against her thigh again._

_“All for you. Watching you come apart like that and knowing it’s because of me, there’s nothing hotter. I’m so wet for you, baby…want you so badly.” Ali’s voice is low and hungry._

_“Clean up in aisle 5!” Ashlyn teases with a little wink before standing up and pulling Ali up with her, kissing her hard and entwining their tongues as she walks her back towards the bed. They don’t even get halfway there before Ali’s nipples are hardening in Ashlyn’s mouth, her tongue flicking over them alternately._

_Ali loses all track if where she is in the room as Ashlyn’s mouth drags all over her body, until she feels the back of her knees hit the edge of the bed. The back of her thighs feel the cool softness of the comforter, making her eyes pop open. “Wait, hold on…comforter!” Ali hesitantly pulls back enough to turn around so she can yank down the comforter that she just had dry cleaned a few days ago. She just starts to crawl onto the bed when she feels Ashlyn’s arms wrap around her thighs from behind._

_Ashlyn groans softly when Ali breaks away to deal with the comforter, but then the brunette’s ass is right there as she starts to crawl up onto the bed and she can’t help herself. She quickly kneels down on the floor and reaches under Ali’s legs, pulling the brunette’s thighs back into her arms and spreading her wide open. She gives herself just a second to inhale the scent of Ali’s arousal, licking her lips at the plump glistening folds just inches away, her perfect ass right in her face. “So beautiful.” She mutters before diving right in, her face completely covered in Ali’s fluids in mere seconds._

_“Yes, yes…oh…my…god…baby, yes. Oh holy shit that’s so fucking good.” Ali reaches around to grab Ashlyn’s head and pull it further into her center from behind, wanting the hot tongue plunging in and out of her steadily to go as deep as possible. The position leaves her so open and vulnerable, the intimacy of it lighting a fire in her belly that she knows is about to rage out of control. She’s trying so hard to hold on longer, but the pressure is already building fast as her legs start trembling. “Don’t stop, please don’t stop…Ashlyn…Ashlyn…like that, baby!” She mewls, burying her face into the pillow to keep her voice muffled._

_Ashlyn’s jaw is starting to ache, but she doesn’t dare move her mouth away, redoubling her efforts and swirling her tongue deeply inside the increasingly tight hole._

_“God yes, yes, yes…Ash… fingers baby…need you up…unnh, fuck…kiss me.” Ali pants out desperately, just wanting Ashlyn’s mouth on hers when she comes. “Oooh…” Two long fingers fill her deeply and hard nipples press into her back as her head is turned and soft lips capture her own in a passionate loving kiss that puts her right over the edge. “Baby…mmmmfuck…” Her body spasms back into Ashlyn’s before she eventually collapses onto the bed on her stomach. “God, Ash…love…you…” Her chest heaves as her lungs work to get air. “Feel so nice.” She mumbles contently a minute later as a large hand softly massages her back and soft kisses are placed across the back of her shoulder._

_“I love you so much, Alex.” Ashlyn’s eyes take in every inch of Ali’s body, muscles extra defined from the activity and glistening with a light coat of sweat._

_“Geez, baby… a few years in already and how is it still so damn good? How is it possible that it just gets better?” Ali muses out loud as she flips onto her back._

_“Because I love you more every day. It’s more powerful every single time.” Ashlyn replies back sweetly, kissing Ali softly a couple times before just getting lost in her eyes._

_“You’re wonderful. I’m so lucky you’re mine, Ashlyn Harris.” Ali says sincerely._

_“Luck has nothing to do with it. I was born for you, Alex.” Ashlyn traces the now well-faded kidney transplant scar on Ali’s belly with her thumb._

_“Such a marshmallow.” Ali teases and brings Ashlyn’s hand up to her mouth to kiss it. “Don’t ever stop loving me so hard, cheeseball.”_

_“Never, angel.” Ashlyn promise with a dimpled grin._

_“Sooo…” Ali smirks._

_“Sooo…” Ashlyn repeats and looks at her expectantly._

_“Think I’m gonna need another round of that.” Ali waggles her eyebrows and reaches to move Ashlyn’s hand between her legs._

_“Yes my queen.” Ashlyn smiles smugly and then holds Ali’s gaze intently as she slowly drags a finger through her soaked center and then brings it up to her mouth to lick it clean. “You taste so good, baby. So sweet.” Just soon as that last word leaves her mouth, she pops up a bit as she remembers. “Don’t move, be right back!” She quickly finds her bathrobe and throws it on._

_“Baby, no! What are you doing?” Ali whines as Ashlyn pulls away. “What on earth is worth you getting up right now?”_

_“Cake!” Ashlyn says as she quickly heads towards the door._

_“Cake?” Ali asks in frustrated confusion._

_“Cake…just trust me, Al.” Ashlyn implores her and stops to rake her eyes over the naked vision of perfection lying on the bed. “Fuck, you’re so beautiful…literally a goddess. Don’t move an inch, just sit tight.” She practically runs out of the room, doing her best not to make too much noise as she races down to the kitchen._

_“Oh wow… just… holy hell wow. Next level, baby.” Ali holds Ashlyn close and steals as many kisses as she can while her breathing is still regulating._

_“So amazing, always is with you…but damn that was something.” Ashlyn agrees. “Told you to trust me.”_

_“So glad I did.” Ali giggles._

_“So glad you splurged on such a good cake.” Ashlyn plays back. “Tasted even better the second time around.” She smirks._

_“Mmm, absolutely.” Ali hums in utterly spent satisfaction, already knowing that the mental image of licking frosting off of Ashlyn’s body will be one she revisits often. “I don’t want to move an inch, but we are so damn sticky.” She mumbles with a little laugh, looking down at the remnants of frosting and cake crumbs smeared all over both of their torsos._

_“You just stay right there, love. I got you.” Ashlyn assures her and quickly heads into the bathroom, coming back with several warm wet washcloths and a dry towel._

_“You are without a doubt, the sweetest, kindest, and most perfect human being to ever walk this earth.” Ali says in complete gratification as she relishes in the way Ashlyn is so lovingly cleaning her up with the washcloths and then drying her with the towel. Her body feels like a relaxed pile of goo at this point._

_“That’s just the orgasm afterglow talking.” Ashlyn teases as she cleans herself off quickly and tosses the towels into the hamper before crawling back into bed and pulling the covers up over both of them._

_“Nope, that’s my heart talking…and yeah, also maybe my clit a little.” Ali replies with a giggle followed by a yawn._

_“Ha! Who’s the cheeseball now, Hello Kidney?” Ashlyn shakes her head with a smile. “Go to sleep, beautiful. I love you madly.”_

_“Sweet dreams, marshmallow. Love you more.” Ali cuddles right up on Ashlyn’s chest and drapes an arm low over her hips, her hand finding its favorite spot on the inked Giving Tree._

_“Ughmm, why’d you set an alarm?” Ashlyn mumbles groggily as she hears the loud vibration of a cellphone against the nightstand. She keeps her eyes closed and smiles when she realizes she can’t move because Ali’s body is mostly on top of her and completely entangled with hers, her body feeling sore in the best way. She tightens her grip around her wife’s waist and wills herself to ignore the vibrating noise as she buries her nose into Ali’s hair. The effort is abandoned when she feels Ali’s hand tap her chest and the brunette’s head pop up._

_“Your phone… time is it?” Ali mumbles disjointedly as her eyes dart around the still dark room._

_“Dunno. It’s an alarm?” Ashlyn replies back equally as incoherent, finally opening her eyes._

_“Baby, your phone is ringing.” Ali finally gets her brain to unfog._

_“Huh? It’s like 2am.” Ashlyn grumbles after looking at the digital clock on the cable box across the room, reaching for her phone. “Miami Police.” She sits up at seeing the name on the caller ID, practically throwing Ali off of her as her stomach drops, her mind not surprisingly going to the restaurant and a fire given the events of last week._

_“Hurry, answer it!” Ali implores as Ashlyn scrambles to answer the call._

_“Hello.” Ashlyn says with her heart pounding._

_“Hey Ashlyn, it’s Sergeant Tony. I know it’s late, but I have a situation here.” Tony’s deep voice sounds through the phone._

_“Uh ok, what’s going on? Did something happen at the restaurant? Are you ok?” Ashlyn questions even as her mind races to figure out why he of all people is calling._

_“No, nothing at the restaurant and I’m fine. Just… I’m here with Derek not too far from your house, about a mile down the road at 15 th and 2nd.” Sergeant Tony explains._

_“Derek? He’s in bed.” Ashlyn replies matter-of-factly and feels Ali grip the back of her shoulder._

_“Yeah, so he’s definitely not in bed. Sorry to tell you that he took your Jeep for a ride and didn’t make it too far before he crashed it into the concrete pillar of the underpass on the corner of 2 nd.” He puts it out there bluntly._

_“Oh my god, is he ok?” Ashlyn stands up, her body shaking now._

_“Ash?” Ali pops up right next to her. “What happened? Where is he?” She asks frantically, trying to figure out what is happening from the one-sided conversation._

_“He crashed the Jeep.” Ashlyn quickly tells Ali just as Sergeant Tony starts speaking again._

_“Oh no, oh shit!” Ali says anxiously even as she runs to throw some clothes on and grabs her phone to call Kyle._

_“He’s completely fine from what I can tell. The EMT is checking him out now though. I think it’s best if you got down here, we’ll wait for you.” Sergeant Tony tells her._

_“Thank god. On our way!” Ashlyn promises before hanging up and looking at Ali who is hanging up her own phone. “He’s ok. I don’t know much else, just we have to get down there. He crashed at 15 th and 2nd, Sergeant Tony said he’d wait.” Ashlyn recounts and starts to find her own clothes._

_“Kyle is on his way, 10 minutes. We can’t leave the kids by themselves.” Ali explains and ties her hair back before letting out a deep breathe she is holding. “Jesus fucking Christ.”_

_“Yeah.” Ashlyn replies as she pulls on some sweatpants. “Thanks for calling Kyle, I didn’t even think about it…” She says guiltily at not remembering they couldn’t just up and leave the other two kids._

_“Hey, it’s ok. This is a lot. Take a second, ok?” Ali encourages them to just settle for a minute seeing as how they’re both already dressed and have a few minutes to wait for Kyle anyway._

_Ashlyn just nods and buries her face into Ali’s shoulder to try and find some semblance of calm as they stand there in a hug._

_“We can do this.” Ali soothes her and does her best to believe in her own words, their fun day and amazing night now far from her mind._

_“Thanks, Al.” Ashlyn whispers, trying to draw as much strength from her wife as she can when she feels so betrayed._

_Kyle arrives only a few minutes later, just uttering “Go, go” and pushing them out the door._

_“Right.” Ashlyn sighs loudly when she goes to grab her keys and realizes they are missing and has to grab Ali’s instead._

_They ride in silence on the short drive, the grip on each other’s hands turning their knuckles white as they approach all of the flashing lights._

_“Tony, where is he?” Ashlyn finds the officer immediately after leaving Ali’s car in the middle of the road and jumping out in a frenzy with Ali right behind her._

_“Hey, it’s ok. Just try to stay as calm as you can, ok?” Tony appeals to her. “He’s just hanging with the EMT now. They checked him over and he’s perfectly fine outside of a little bruising on his cheek from the airbag. They’re putting some ice on it and he’s good to go.”_

_“The airbag deployed?!” Ali asks in complete shock._

_“Uh, yeah. Wasn’t a horrible crash, but head-on with the pillar.” Sergeant Tony scratches the back of his head as he motions towards the accident scene._

_“Jesus.” Ashlyn’s eyes go wide at the sight of the front end of her Jeep fairly compressed into the cement pillar of the underpass._

_“Oh my god.” Ali’s hand goes to cover her open mouth._

_“Yeah, the body frame is bent in for sure. No question it’s totaled.” He says regretfully._

_“Doesn’t matter right now.” Ashlyn shrugs it off even though deep inside she’s upset about it. “Can we go see him?”_

_“Of course. Just…maybe we should quickly go over the logistics?” Sergeant Tony suggests._

_“Yeah, ok. Good idea.” Ali replies for them since Ashlyn’s eyes look a bit glazed over. “What do we need to do?”_

_“He has to come with me to the station for processing. We can’t get around it since he was underage driving and technically caused city property damage. I have to go through with an arrest and a charge for a 2 nd degree misdemeanor.” He gives it to them straight. “Seeing as how it’s clear that you had no knowledge of him driving and there’s no evidence that you are responsible for allowing it, I won’t be charging either of you. I’m sorry you two, I know this is rough.” He says apologetically as Ashlyn’s mouth hangs open and Ali’s eyes tear up._

_“It’s ok, not your fault.” Ashlyn says squeakily. “We’re glad you’re the one taking care of it at least, you’ve always been more than fair.”_

_“I promise I’ll do everything I can for you guys and for him. We’ll figure it out.” Sergeant Tony tries to reassure them. “There is a mandatory 12 hour holding period, so you can come get him later this afternoon or early evening.”_

_“This is unreal.” Ali whispers out in exasperation._

_“Come on, why don’t you guys go check on him before he has to come with me. And then just do your best to work through pulling things together before you come get him later on. I know this seems really bad, but it’s going to be ok.” He offer sincerely._

_“Thanks, Tony. We don’t know what we’d do without you.” Ashlyn says gratefully, not even able to imagine what would happen if they didn’t have someone as understanding as him on the other side of this._

_“You’ll never have to find out. Come on.” He holds each of them gently by the arm and leads them over to the ambulance._

_\-----_

_“I feel sick.” Ali says into the dimly lit room. The two of them back in bed and wide awake after coming home and explaining to Kyle what happened, feeling extremely appreciative not only that he rushed over tonight, but that he offered to take C.J. and Jade for the day tomorrow. Ali had been ready to completely crumble just before Kyle wrapped them up a hug, made the two women some tea, and reassured them that it would be ok._

_“Me too.” Ashlyn admits, her stomach feeling sour and nervous. “What was he thinking? He could’ve killed someone. Could’ve killed himself.” The bile rises into her throat._

_“I know, I know.” Ali holds her wife a little closer. “But we just have to be thankful that neither of those things happened and figure out how we make sure they never do from this point forward, ok?”_

_“Yeah.” Ashlyn nods._

_“I’m sorry about your Jeep, love.” Ali says sympathetically. “I know what it symbolized and meant to you.”_

_“It’s ok.” Ashlyn shrugs. “Not exactly how I envisioned me and King Arthur going out in the end, but we still had a good run.”_

_“King Arthur?” Ali pulls back a bit to look at her wife._

_“Yeah, my Jeep. King Arthur.” Ashlyn clarifies._

_“It has a name? You named your Jeep?” Ali asks in playful disbelief. “How did I not know that?”_

_“Guess I’m still a bit mysterious after all.” Ashlyn cracks a smile. “Honestly have no idea how you missed that. I swear I must have mentioned it, maybe not.”_

_“You’re such a weirdo, baby…but I love it. King Arthur.” Ali shakes her head at the name before getting serious again. “Don’t shrug it off though. I know it’s not okay and that you’re upset…doesn’t matter if it’s just a car in the grand scheme of things. It’s ok to be upset.”_

_“Yeah ok, I’m pissed.” Ashlyn divulges. “But I have enough perspective on this to realize that a totaled Jeep is the least of my worries. I’ll be ok, Al.”_

_“Ugh, why would he do this? It was going so well the last couple days. Like what even happened?” Ali muses out loud after a few minutes of silence._

_“I don’t know. It’s like he feels the need to combat anything good.” Ashlyn’s mind works to understand it just as it dawns on her that the birthday party had gone so perfectly and that maybe the iphone and watch stirred up some feelings for Derek that he couldn’t handle. The conversation with Oscar runs through her head and a wild idea starts to form in her mind. “What should we do?” She asks after a few more silent minutes, thinking that maybe Ali has a plan more sensible than her own._

_“I have no doubt that your heart knows exactly what to do right now, Ashlyn. And mine is going all in with it. I’m right beside you, love, no matter what it is. Because I know for sure that it will be from a pure place.” Ali says sincerely as she holds Ashlyn’s face in her hands and locks onto her eyes._

_“I don’t have words for you, Alex…but I thank the damn universe every day for you.” Ashlyn leans in for a quick kiss. “And yes, my heart has a positively insane vision that my brain is practically ready to have me committed for.”_

_“Screw the brain, we’re living with that beautiful heart of yours. Just like from day one.” Ali plays with the stubbly hairs on the back of her wife’s neck._

_“You’re gonna think I’ve lost my mind. It’s really intense and crazy.” Ashlyn says hesitantly._

_“I’ll never think that, Ash. Nothing about us has been anything but intense and kinda crazy, and look at what we have together. All love that is worth it is intense and crazy, right?” Ali repeats what Jim and Kyle had once imparted to her as she was deciding whether to move her whole life to Florida to be with Ashlyn. “That goes for family too.”_

_“Yeah but you haven’t even heard it yet.” Ashlyn eyes her meaningfully._

_“Don’t have to. Like I said before, I know your heart and that’s all I need to know. I’m right beside you.” Ali promises her. “Besides, if we’re gonna do this right… we’re here today, we’re here now…” she starts before leaning in to kiss Ashlyn slowly._

_“Give everything.” Ashlyn finishes in a whisper when Ali eventually releases her lips. “Thank you.”_

_“You’re welcome. I love you, baby.” Ali smiles at her. “So, tell me this insane plan of yours.”_

_“I love you too, Alex…more than I even know what to do with sometimes.” Ashlyn responds sweetly before taking a deep breath. “Brace yourself...”_

_\-------_

_“How do you feel?” Ali checks in with her wife as they pull into the Miami police station after a very eventful morning._

_“Little sore, typical.” Ashlyn admits. “I feel really good about it though. It feels right.” Ashlyn gives her a meaningful look._

_Ali nods and leans in close across the console. “Before we go in there, no matter what the outcome or his reaction is today… just… you’re the most beautiful human being in the world and I’m so lucky to be the one who gets to love you and be your wife. Don’t ever forget that.” She kisses Ashlyn tenderly._

_“Funny, I think the same about you.” Ashlyn replies with a smile. “Thanks, Alex.”_

_“Save the charm, love…we’re gonna need it.” Ali steals one more kiss. “Let’s do this.”_

_“You ok?” Ashlyn asks as Derek takes his iphone and watch out of the personal property envelope that Sergeant Tony just handed him after he was released from the holding cell._

_“Yeah.” Derek says quietly, putting the watch back on and taking a quick glance at Ali. He honestly didn’t expect either of them would show up today to have him released after last night, let alone both of them. Unless it’s a meeting with the principal, usually only one or the other comes to get him at the station, never both._

_“Thanks again, Sergeant Tony. We’ll be in touch soon about the rest of the process.” Ali says appreciatively as she signs the juvenile release form._

_“Sure thing. I’ll call if I need any information from you, but you’ll get something about a court date soon I’m sure.” Sergeant Tony replies kindly, trying hard to be professional even though he really feels for them. “Stay out of trouble, Derek.” He adds in hopes that he might actually listen one of these days._

_Derek stays quiet in the backseat as the two women drive. He waits for the lecture, waits to be asked what on earth he was thinking. Although they’ve never full-on yelled at him before, he certainly expects it now…but it never comes and the silence continues. It makes him a bit anxious and he tries to figure out why they haven’t said a word, until the car turns left…away from home. And then he understands perfectly, not sure whether to be happy that he didn’t get too invested before this happened or disappointed at being failed again._

_“Just don’t bring Jade back, ok? She’s happy and she really likes you. Please don’t do it.” Derek finally breaks his silence, not able to hold back the guilt he feels._

_“So, do you not like us?” Ali asks seriously, choosing not to acknowledge the other part for the moment._

_“It’s not that…I…” Derek stutters, taken aback by the question and not sure how to respond._

_“Honestly, we’re banking on the fact that you like us even just a little or at least believe that you might be able to like us… cause we’re definitely not taking you back. And it would be important to know if you didn’t like us so we might figure out what we could do to change that.” Ashlyn bails him out from having to answer._

_“Wait, you’re not taking me back?” Derek asks in surprise._

_“Nope. Not even close. We’ll tell you a million times over if we have to, we’ll never turn our backs on you.” Ashlyn reassures him._

_“Then where are we going?” Derek asks skeptically._

_“You’ll see a few minutes, almost there.” Ali replies calmly._

_When they pull into a large parking lot of what appears to be an old abandoned warehouse, the hairs on the back of Derek’s neck stand up and his heart pounds. They may not be bringing him back, but he’s clearly done enough to throw them over the brink. It wouldn’t be the first time a fed-up foster parent has brought him somewhere that no one could hear him scream. It also isn’t the first time he didn’t think a foster parent had it in them and been dead wrong._

_“Hey…please. Just bring me back ok.” Derek pleads in a shaky voice. “I’d rather that. Please, please, just bring me back. I won’t complain or anything.”_

_“What are you…” Ali starts to ask in confusion before she sees the wide-eyed and horrified look on Ashlyn’s face that makes her realize._

_“Jesus.” Ashlyn whispers, starting to feel sick to her stomach._

_“Derek…come here, honey.” Ali unbuckles her seatbelt and turns right around in her seat to face him as Ashlyn stops the car in the middle of the lot. “Really, come here. It’s ok.” She opens her arms to him._

_Derek hesitates for a second until he sees the genuine look of sadness and terror on both of their faces, letting himself tentatively lean forward into Ali’s hug because he feels too uprooted inside and he needs it. It’s only a few seconds before Ashlyn is wrapping her arms around both of them too._

_“It’s ok. You’re safe.” Ali coaxes him. “We would never, ever, ever, ever lay a hand on you like that. Please know that. Never. It will never happen no matter how upset we are.” Ali promises him._

_“We mean it. Never, Derek.” Ashlyn reiterates. “Has somebody actually…” She has to ask now that he reacted this way._

_“Yeah.” Derek mumbles, starting to settle a bit and bringing his hands up to hold Ali’s sides._

_“How many times?” Ashlyn questions in concern._

_“Enough.” Derek replies simply._

_“I’m so sorry.” Ashlyn hugs him tighter and runs a hand over his buzzed hair. “You don’t have to talk about it if you don’t want to, but you can trust us if you do. And we’ll do everything to make it right if you want to pursue that ok? Literally anything and everything, whatever you want.”_

_“I just want to forget.” Derek replies honestly, starting to feel a bit embarrassed and willing his walls to rebuild themselves quickly._

_“Ok, we can help with that too.” Ali says softly as she feels him pull back and lets him go. “We love you and we’ll never hurt you intentionally or knowingly. We promise.” She vows and Ashlyn nods in agreement. “We’re sorry if we scared you. We didn’t know.”_

_“S’ok.” Derek replies flatly. “I mean, take a kid to an abandoned lot after he trashed your prized Jeep…so what are we doing here then?” He demands, slipping back into his stand-offish demeanor._

_“We fully apologize for not thinking that through enough, but… we’re actually here to teach you to drive.” Ashlyn replies earnestly._

_“Teach me to drive?” Derek asks with his mouth open in disbelief and total confusion. “You huh? Why?”_

_“Go ahead, love.” Ali nods at Ashlyn._

_“Am I upset about you stealing my Jeep and totaling it? To be very honest, yeah I’m upset about it. But the truth is that both of us care a whole lot more that you didn’t get hurt, the Jeep be damned. Are we going to hold you accountable for what you did and make you pay back every cent that our insurance doesn’t cover once you eventually have a job? Count on it.” Ashlyn addresses him bluntly before really getting to her point._

_“But do you know what actually makes me angry and exasperated about this whole thing?” Ashlyn asks rhetorically before immediately continuing. “That no matter what we do, you never seem to understand the impact that your choices can have on other people. That when you choose to do something stupid like this, that you could have completely changed or ended someone’s else life. Did you think about that?”_

_“No.” Derek says sheepishly as he looks down at the floor._

_“Exactly. You’re so caught up in yourself that you don’t think twice about how the consequences of your decisions and actions could hurt others. No matter what we say to you, we can’t seem to get through to you that it’s not okay to be reckless at the expense of other people. We love you and we’re always here for you no matter what, but we can’t just sit back and keep watching you do this over and over again.” Ashlyn pauses for a second. “So, yes, we’re teaching you how to drive. Because if you’re not going to be aware enough to make good decisions, at least maybe the next time you steal one of our cars you’ll have a better chance of not ruining someone else’s life.”_

_Derek nods and stays silent for a minute before his signature little smirk plays across his face. “You’re really gonna teach me to drive?”_

_“Despite the fact that we could get criminally charged right along with you next time if anyone finds out, yep.” Ali answers matter-of-factly._

_“Well ok then, Harley…show me how to handle this thing!” Derek says excitedly._

_“Oh you wish you were getting off that easy. I’d wipe that smile off your face if I was you.” Ashlyn shoots him a look with her own smirk. “This is the Queen’s Range Rover and I am just going to sit in the backseat and enjoy the show. If you think this is going to be fun, you have another thing coming, bud.” She gets out of the driver’s seat and opens Derek’s door to let him switch places with her._

_“Uh, ok.” Derek says hesitantly, not sure at all what to expect now as he gets into the driver’s seat and looks at Ali who is smiling deviously._

_“Welcome to Princessa’s Driving School!” Ali smiles widely at him before her whole face changes. “Now sit down, shut up, and buckle up. Crash my baby and you’re going to wish you never even looked at a car, you hear me?” Ali raises her eyebrows at him._

_“Shit.” Derek whispers and swallows hard._

_“Exactly. Now let’s start with basics…” Ali gets right to it._

_Three hours later, Derek is actually sweating bullets. Not only could he easily pass a driving test after today, he could also probably break into the NASCAR circuit now that Ali has shown him how to gain control while skidding and swerving at above average speed and what to do when the anti-lock brakes come on._

_“Really, I think I have it now. Can we go home?” Derek begs them._

_“Sure.” Ali replies casually before smirking at him again. “After you parallel park my car three times between those two posts without bumping them once.”_

_“Oh come on!” Derek whines. “I don’t even think your car will fit between those posts!”_

_“Guess we’ll find out.” Ali shrugs and hears Ashlyn chuckle from the backseat._

_“Seriously?” Derek appeals to her._

_“Hey, you’re the one who wanted to drive. So…drive.” Ali crosses her arms and waits, listening to him groan loudly before he actually manages to accomplish the task._

_“Jesus, that might have actually been worse than taking a beating.” Derek grumbles as three of them stand outside of the car drinking bottles of water._

_“Told you. On the bright side, you didn’t crash or scratch the Queen’s car… so, could’ve been much worse.” Ashlyn teases a bit and leans over to give Ali a quick kiss. “Nicely done, baby.”_

_Derek rolls his eyes at the interaction even as he smiles a bit. “Can we seriously go home now? I’m starving.”_

_“Yeah, just…one more important thing.” Ashlyn says seriously and feels Ali reach over and squeeze her hand._

_“What else is there?” Derek sighs impatiently._

_“Love. Belonging. Family.” Ali replies softly before looking at Ashlyn._

_“Huh?” Derek scrunches up his face._

_“Derek, we’ve told you over and over again that we love you for who you are. That you are a part of our family. That we will always be here for you no matter what happens. That no matter how hard you test us and how much you work to push us away, we will never fail you or leave you behind. But the fact is that we can’t make you trust us and we can’t make you believe us. You have to feel it in your heart.” Ashlyn explains compassionately. “What we can do is always love you, care for you, guide you, help you, and above all else, show you.”_

_“I get it.” Derek says in a noncommittal tone._

_“I’m not so sure you do, honey. But we’re trying to change that.” Ali joins in. “We are not like everyone else. We are not going away. We need you to really understand that.”_

_“I have something to show you.” Ashlyn kneels down a bit in front of him and unbuttons the first five buttons of her shirt, pulling it to the side just a bit to reveal the black ink tattoo she got on the left side of her chest after C.J. was born. It takes up most of the space from under collarbone to above her breast. “Do you know what this is?”_

_“No. Looks like something science or math or something.” Derek replies as he looks at the connected hexagon and line design with small letters and numbers interspersed throughout almost like an equation._

_“Pretty much.” Ashlyn nods. “This is the chemical bond formula for oxytocin. It’s the neurotransmitter or chemical in our brains that is responsible for producing the feelings of love and bonding. It has always fascinated me that our bodies biologically respond to those we are connected to and belong with. That our emotional attachment and investment in others is what fuels the biological reaction to feel love, not genetics or blood relations. Because of its meaning, I got this tattoo when C.J. was born.” Ashlyn explains and feels Ali gently rub her shoulder. She pulls her shirt aside all the way now and the top of her sports bra a bit too so he can see the whole thing…the bottom of which is bandaged._

_“Have a good look.” Ashlyn directs and pulls back the bandage._

_Derek blinks a few times before his mouth hangs open and his eyes burn. Underneath the design, clear as day, is his name. Right next to C.J.’s, and Jade’s which is just as freshly inked as his own._

_“You are loved, completely and permanently.” Ali says warmly, kneeling down beside Ashlyn so she can look right into his eyes alongside her wife. “Let us into your heart and we will always surprise you in the best way possible.”_

_“I…” Derek’s voice barely comes out._

_“You don’t have to say anything. That wasn’t the point. Just know that you belong here.” Ashlyn echoes Ali’s sentiment before cracking a teasing smile. “Like it or not, you’re a part of this bike gang now, bud. And we leave no one behind in love and in loyalty.” She nudges him on the shoulder and watches him work hard not to cry. “Let’s go home.” She stands up and buttons her shirt._

_“Love you.” Ali whispers in Ashlyn’s ear and leaves a tiny discrete kiss there while Derek is still distracted and stunned._

_“Alright, come on now. You’re not the only one that’s starving. I need a cheeseburger! Don’t keep Princessa waiting, cause she gets hangry and turns into the evil step mother real fast!” Ali announces and opens the door to the backseat, giving Derek a gentle push towards it and finally gets a genuine smile from him._

_\--------------------------------------------------------_

_“So, you used to be like a big deal in the women’s game, huh?” Derek asks as he waltzes into the backyard while Ashlyn is shooting some hoops._

_“Eh, something like that.” Ashlyn replies with a little grin. “What, did you suddenly decide look me up or something?”_

_“Nah, I looked you up right at the beginning. Actually was just trying to dig up crap on you two and didn’t find any, so I didn’t care much about the rest.” He admits. “All I got was ‘Ashlyn Harris the high-flying super dunk, surfer, skater girl from Satellite Beach’. Lame.” He winks at her._

_“Well, sorry to disappoint, but I’ll take lame over like Kanye West notoriety any day.” Ashlyn shrugs and takes another shot, watching the basketball swish through the net._

_It may not be the sweetest sentiment from Derek, but it’s a truthful one. A month has passed since the Jeep incident and there have been enough small changes in him that the women have started to believe that maybe something has gotten through. Although he is brutally honest in his opinions, he has been more respectful and more helpful around the house. He hasn’t gotten into any more legal trouble or broken any more rules that they know of. More importantly, he has already dutifully completed two of the six weeks of community service he was sentenced to on top on a $500 fine for underage driving and destruction of city property. The kids are still in summer break, so it’s hard to tell if his new attitude will extend to his behavior and effort at school or what they can expect going forward, but for the first time in months, they are hopeful._

_“Ha, look at you trying be down with pop culture!” Derek teases her._

_“Please, I don’t have to try. I am down. Period.” Ashlyn plays back. “I am cool parent. Live with it.”_

_“Whatever.” Derek rolls his eyes with a smile. “So, can you teach me?”_

_“Teach you what?” Ashlyn asks more specifically._

_“How to dunk.” He motions to the basketball hoop._

_“Sure.” Ashlyn replies simply and watches his face light up before finishing her reply. “Just as soon as I teach you every other technical aspect of the game you need to know.”_

_“Aw, come on. Seriously?” Derek whines._

_“Seriously.” Ashlyn answers._

_“Why?” He asks in another whine._

_“Because dunking is all about you and being flashy. It has nothing to do with being a team player and a good teammate. Basketball is a team sport and no one wants to play with the asshole who thinks they are better than the team.” She puts it bluntly. “You don’t get to be flashy until you learn to play properly and do the things that earn the respect of your teammates and coaches.”_

_“Yeah, alright. That’s fair.” Derek concedes much to Ashlyn’s surprise. “So, teach me to play then?”_

_“Gladly and proudly. Let’s go.” Ashlyn tosses him the ball._

_“Alright, shit. I give.” Derek finally puts his hand up as sweat drips down his face and onto his already sweat-soaked shirt. They’ve been at it for two hours and not only has he lost four games of Horse, but he hasn’t managed to get by her in one-on-one to sink more than one basket. “Dang, you are good. Or maybe I just really suck.”_

_“No way, you’re actually pretty solid. You have a great jump shot and great follow-through.” Ashlyn praises him._

_“Really?” Derek asks doubtfully._

_“Yeah really, I wouldn’t say it if I didn’t mean it.” Ashlyn says simply. “I honestly think you could be an amazing player if you put the time and commitment in. You have a smooth, accurate shot. You just need to be a little more aggressive in standing your ground when pressing forward, be more confident in your shots, and improve your footwork and ball handling. Good decision making and creating opportunities to shoot will come naturally with those things. I can work with you on that stuff if you want.”_

_“Wow, yeah. I’m down for that.” Derek says enthusiastically before catching Ashlyn’s eyes. “Thanks, Mama.”_

_“You’re…you’re welcome.” Ashlyn manages to get out in a stuttered squeak, too shocked to say or do anything else. He has never called her anything but Harley until now._

_“Hey you two!” Ali says cheerily as she suddenly appears in the yard with two cold bottles of water. She had been watching them play from the kitchen window for a while, heart melting at the sight until she realized how hot it was outside that she should probably get them some drinks. “Ugh baby, you’re all sweaty.” Ali scrunches up her nose after kissing Ashlyn on the cheek, just now seeing the emotional look on her face as she holds out the two bottles of water in her hands. “Everything ok? What are you two doing out here?” She asks in concern._

_“Perfect, I was dying out here! Thanks, Mom.” Derek smiles and takes a bottle of water from Ali whose mouth drops open. “Mama is teaching me basketball, but I need a shower now cause she’s a drill sergeant.” He laughs. “Tomorrow again?” He looks at Ashlyn._

_“Uh, yeah. Definitely.” Ashlyn replies in a slightly stronger but still a bit squeaky voice._

_“Sweet.” Derek replies nonchalantly and walks into the house._

_“Oh my god, oh my god!” Ali squeals in a whisper, her heart pounding hard. “Did he just…”_

_“Yes Princessa, he most definitely just did.” Ashlyn finally pulls herself together enough to joke a bit, only able to grin goofily at the turn of events beyond that._

_“Wow…” Ali whispers and doesn’t know what else to say, just wrapping Ashlyn up in a tight hug that they melt into for a few minutes right there in the middle of the yard. “My heart is going to explode and I love you so hard, Ash.” She leaves a lingering kiss on Ashlyn’s lips._

_“Good, cause that’s all we need.” Ashlyn gives her a dimpled smile and steals another kiss. “I love you endlessly, Alex.”_

_“Baby?” Ali holds her wife’s gaze._

_“Yeah?” Ashlyn replies._

_“You positively stink, marshmallow.” Ali scrunches up her nose again and playfully pushes her away._

_“Way to kill a moment, Hello Kidney.” Ashlyn pulls her back in close and purposely rubs her sweaty body all over her._

_“Ahhh, Ash! You need a shower!” Ali screeches._

_“Yep and now you do too.” Ashlyn waggles her eyebrows._

_“I know. Why do you think I teased you to begin with?” So predictable.”  Ali waggles her eyebrows back._

_“So diabolical.” Ashlyn shakes her head with a chuckle._

_“Proudly.” Ali smiles. “Now hurry it up!”_

_\----------------------------------------------------_

“We did so good, love. Look at our family.” Ali’s eyes settle on the scrapbook page that displays the holiday card they sent out that next year, the one with their second ever family Christmas photo on it. It couldn’t be more different from the first one. Ali and Ashlyn sit on the beach behind their house with the three kids and Duncan. Ali sits on the left with C.J. in her lap. Jade sits next to her, sandwiched between Ali and Ashlyn while holding Duncan in her arms. Derek is on the right side and leaned into Ashlyn a bit, who has managed to reach her long arms around all of their shoulders. All of them are wearing Santa hats and smiling genuinely.

“Better than any hallmark card I’ve ever seen.” Ali smiles. “Better because it’s ours.” She gently strokes Ashlyn’s forearm, careful not to disturb the IV hookup there. “Those long arms of yours didn’t stand a chance, baby.” She laughs softly, knowing just how much bigger this traditionally family Christmas photo has gotten over the years. Her laugh dies in her throat when it suddenly hits her that this year’s card will be missing its most important person…its heart…its center…its Mama, its Nana, its Marshmallow.

Ali wills herself not to cry and tries to find her strength by admiring the photo on the holiday card again. The picture was taken just after Thanksgiving that year, roughly four months after the day Derek first called them Mama and Mom with Jade following suit just a couple days later, and exactly one week after Derek and Jade were officially adopted.

“Wishing you and yours peace and joy this holiday season! Love, The Harris Family.” Ali reads the greeting out loud.

She’s about to turn the page when she hears a loud “Banma!” called through the house and several pairs of stomping feet approach the door before it flies open.

“Woah, woah, hold on!” Debbie’s voice hollers from behind the group, making Declan and Jameson stop in the doorway.

“You have to keep it down for Nana, remember.” Sophia pops up beside Debbie to warn them before looking at Ali. “Sorry Banma, they got excited.” She says apologetically.

“It’s totally ok.” Ali assures her granddaughters with a smile. “I’m glad you’re here.”

“Are you sure it’s ok if we come in?” Debbie asks softly, ever the responsible one just like C.J.

“Of course.” Ali pats the bed beside her, both boys coming over to happily sit there.

“How’s Nana?” Sophia asks as she reaches to stroke Ashlyn’s hand from the other side of the bed.

“The same.” Ali replies with a meaningful look and watches her nod.

“You doing ok?” Debbie rubs Ali’s shoulder lightly.

“As good as I can be I guess.” Ali says honestly and feels a little squeeze on her shoulder.

“What are you doing, Banma?” Declan asks and points to the scrapbook on her lap.

“Just looking at old pictures. Want to see?” Ali asks with a smile.

“Yeah!” Jameson says excitedly while Declan nods his head yes enthusiastically.

Ali smiles and reaches to hold Ashlyn’s hand before turning the page.

 

_To be continued…_


	19. Epilogue - Part 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here is the official end to this story! I want to thank you all for sticking with me through this complex monster of an epilogue, especially since it is so much to read (this is what I get for saying this story will be short). I really hope I did it justice for you and left it in a satisfying, albeit emotional, place. Grab those tissues, remember to take water breaks, and away we go...
> 
> Thanks again for reading, I appreciate all the love and feedback along the way :-) Please leave a comment with your thoughts on the ending!

“Why is my Dad crying in that one?” Debbie asks, pointing to a picture of 5 year-old C.J. sobbing in Ashlyn’s arms next to a statute of Paddington Bear.

“Because poor Nana blew it that day.” Ali laughs and recounts the story.

_“Al, I think it’s time we started traveling more like we always said.” Ashlyn announces as they lay cuddled up in bed a few days after C.J.’s 5 th birthday. Now that things have finally started to settle with Derek and Jade, their family life becoming more peaceful and routine, it suddenly dawned on her that they’ve gotten so caught up in day-to-day life that they haven’t traveled anywhere significant since before C.J. was born. Five years has gone by just like that._

_“Yeah? What brought that on?” Ali turns over to face her even though the room is pretty dark._

_“I promised to travel the world with you and things have been such a whirlwind that I haven’t made good on that. It’s time to make good on it. The kids are old enough to appreciate it. It’s time.” Ashlyn says with determination._

_“Don’t have to tell me twice. I’d love that.” Ali smiles against her chin, leaving a tiny kiss there._

_“Good, let’s sit down to start planning something tomorrow.” Ashlyn suggests before Ali replies silently with a few deeper kisses._

_London. It had seemed like the perfect place to rekindle their wanderlust. Ashlyn knew it well and Ali had never been. It was a relatively short non-stop flight that was easy to manage with three kids and there were plenty of easily accessible tourist attractions that didn’t require further travel or much advanced planning._

_“So, to make this fair, everyone gets to start by picking one thing they want to do or see on this trip.” Ashlyn announces as soon as everyone is settled into their two hotel rooms connected by an adjoining door. She had given each kid an illustrated travel guide to look at on the flight so they could decide on something. Jade had helped C.J. read his._

_“Oh, Buckingham Palace!” Ali answers before any of the kids._

_“Princessa wants to see the palace…there’s a shocker.” Derek can’t help but tease her and Ali sticks her tongue out at him even though she can now appreciate the nickname the he only uses in jest now._

_“To be fair, that was pretty predictable, baby.” Ashlyn laughs._

_“Watch it, or I’ll buy a tiara and embarrass you all by wearing it this whole trip and waving like a princess everywhere we go.” Ali points her finger at them in warning._

_“I take it all back.” Derek throws his hands up in defeat._

_“Me too.” Ashlyn chuckles again and kisses Ali’s cheek._

_“Jade?” Ashlyn looks at her, pretty sure she already knows._

_“Platform 9 ¾ at King’s Cross Station.” Jade says excitedly._

_“Wouldn’t expect anything else from my Harry Potter fan.” Ashlyn smiles at her. “Derek?”_

_“The London Eye.” Derek answers coolly._

_“Right-O, Mr. Daredevil.” Ashlyn teases. “Ok, I pick Stonehenge. Which leaves C.J., whose request we’ll do first since he’s the youngest. So what’s it gonna be today, little man?”_

_“The Big Bear!” C.J. yells happily._

_“Didn’t know we were still in that phase, but I know exactly where to go! You got it, buddy!” Ashlyn replies, remembering his love of Paddington Bear a while back. He hasn’t mentioned Paddington in over a year, but it’s easy to see how the pictures in the travel guide might have renewed his interest. “Okay, everyone pull together their little daypacks and we’re out of here in 15 minutes.” She announces to get them organized._

_Since Ashlyn knows where they are going and they have a couple hours before dinner, she opts to take the longer and more scenic walking route to Paddington Station, confidently leading them through areas with small shops and beautiful gardens._

_“It’s really sexy when you’re all in your element like this.” Ali whispers in her ear while the kids play with some toys at an outdoor vendor cart._

_“Oh yeah?” Ashlyn smirks._

_“Uh huh.” Ali smirks back and discretely kisses just behind her jaw. “Might need a tour of our private bath tonight.”_

_“I do like taking the scenic route.” Ashlyn winks at her before C.J. calls them over to see something._

_“We’re here!” Ashlyn announces as she holds open the door to the station._

_“Really?” Ali asks a bit surprised. “Do we have to take like a train or something?”_

_“Huh? No. It’s right over there.” Ashlyn replies matter-of-factly. “Look, C.J., there he is!” She walks them right over to the Paddington Bear statue and waits for C.J.’s signature excited face._

_“I’m lost.” Derek shrugs._

_“Me too.” Ali admits and Jade just shrugs too._

_“Where’s the clock part?” C.J. asks with a confused look on his face._

_“Clock?” Ashlyn asks looking even more confused than C.J. “This is the big bear. Paddington!” She says excitedly._

_“Noooo!” C.J. yells out. With the time change from traveling, not only would it already be two hours past his bedtime at home, but they haven’t had dinner yet either. It only takes a couple more seconds for him to have a complete meltdown, sobbing loudly into Ashlyn’s shoulder while she just stands there at a complete loss._

_“What did I do?” Ashlyn asks in concern, doing her best to calm C.J. by rubbing his back._

_“Epic fail, Mama. He totally said Big Ben.” Derek says casually as he snaps a picture of the fiasco on his phone._

_“No way, he said bear!” Ashlyn says defensively even as C.J. yells out “The Big Bern, big clock!” and she looks at Ali for her input._

_“That’s two votes for Big Ben, sorry babe.” Ali can’t help but laugh._

_“Three!” Jade giggles._

_“Oh geez. I’m so sorry, sweet boy!” Ashlyn says apologetically, hugging him tight. “Not a problem, I’ll fix it. We’ll go right now!” She promises, thinking about the best way to get there and realizing that it’s going to take another 20 minutes no matter what._

_“Come here, C.J.” Ali gets a wet wipe out of her purse and cleans up his face. “There, much better. Alright, follow Mama.” She says with a smile and sidles up next to Ashlyn. “With all of that snot on your shoulder, I might just have to take back my sexy tour guide request. And get you a hearing aid.”_

_“Thanks a lot.” Ashlyn shoots her a look as they start walking. “Ugh, I swore he said bear. What the fuck is a big bear anyway…he would have said Paddington if he meant Paddington. I should’ve known.” She shakes her head._

_“Yep, but you’re still cute. Your face just now when you got all excited about showing him Paddington and then he just flipped out…priceless. I hope Derek got a good pic.” Ali teases and gets a groan and an elbow nudge from Ashlyn._

_By the time they make it to Big Ben, C.J. is fast asleep on Ashlyn’s shoulder and Ali really can’t help but laugh._

_“This legit could not get funnier.” Derek takes another picture in amusement. “You’re a stud, Mama.”_

_“Ugh…Sttaaahp!” Ashlyn groans again at the situation. “Should we wake him up?” She wonders out loud._

_“If you want more snot, go for it.” Jade sasses. “How about we get some food from that place right over there…” She points to a fish and chips food truck nearby. “Then we wake him up and feed him while we look at Big Ben. Everyone gets to eat and no more snot.”_

_“Exactly what she said.” Ali agrees looking highly entertained._

_“Wipe that damn smirk off your face, Hello Kidney.” Ashlyn plays back. “And since you two are so smart…” She looks and Derek and Jade. “You get to babysit C.J. in the hotel room tonight while I take Mom on a date down to the hotel restaurant for dessert.”_

_“Dessert…riiiight.” Derek laughs._

_“Oh my god.” Ali whispers with a blush as Ashlyn’s mouth drops open. Luckily, Jade just looks confused._

_“Ok seriously, dinner time before I have to crawl into this giant hole I already dug for myself.” Ashlyn shakes her head before playfully flicking Derek’s ear._

Ali smiles as their grandkids laugh at the story and make little comments about the other pictures from the London trip on the page. She thinks about the pictures from other family trips still to come in the scrapbook and tries to think of a few more stories to remember to tell them when they get to the right places.

While the rest of that London trip had gone off without a hitch, both women were so completely exhausted by the time they got on the flight home that they came up with a new travel plan for the future. From that point forward, they would do one big trip every year with the kids and at least one by themselves.

It had worked perfectly. They had traveled to the more touristy cities with the kids, going to Paris, Madrid, Athens, Sydney, Montreal, Milan, Copenhagen, Johannesburg, Vienna, and Beijing along with several more trips within the U.S. Before long though, all three kids were grown-up with their own busy schedules which made the coordinated family trips impossible. While each of those family trips had its own set of wonderful reminiscences, it was her personal trips with Ashlyn that left memories so vivid that they still spark sensations on her body when she calls them to mind.

She can feel like it was yesterday:

Ashlyn’s grip on her ass when they got way too drunk and handsy while dancing in the streets of Brazil during carnival.

The soft tropical hardwood of their private overwater bungalow pressed against her back while Ashlyn brought her over the edge repeatedly in the middle of the Indian Ocean under a sky full of stars in Bali.

The ache in her legs from their 4 day hike up the Inca Trail in Peru to reach Machu Picchu and the feel of Ashlyn’s strong hands massaging them on each night of the trip.

The coldness of Ashlyn’s hands finding warmth against the small of her back as they cruised Alaska’s Inside Passage.

The soft pads of Ashlyn’s thumbs wiping her cheeks when she couldn’t hold back the tears at seeing the levels of pollution and poverty surrounding the contrasting splendor of the Taj Mahal.

The spice and heat on Ashlyn’s lips from the Piri Piri Chicken she had been eating as they sat picnicking on an ocean cliff in the Azores Islands of Portugal, her own lips left tingling after one of the most passionate kisses they’ve shared, one which had followed one of her wife’s random sweet sentiments: _“You know, Alex… when I agreed to donate a kidney, I never could have imagined how good my life would get, not in a million years. You’re everything, baby.”_

There were so many moments like these in their travel over the years, each leaving its own sensory memory etched into her skin. Ashlyn had kept true to her word, showing Ali every modern and ancient wonder of the world and more corners of the earth than she could have ever wished to set her eyes on. And still, only one thing had made each of them worth the journey…Ashlyn Harris right beside her.

\--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

“Banma, what are you and Nana holding?” Declan asks curiously and points to a picture. “What are you doing?”

“Oh uh…” Ali stutters as her eyes go a bit wide. It’s a picture of her holding up a tampon while Ashlyn holds up an unwrapped condom beside her, both of them making playfully horrified faces.

“That story is for when you’re a little older.” Ali quickly covers and hears Debbie and Sophia giggle as they shoot each other a knowing look. Declan is 9 and Jameson is 11, so neither of them would really understand without a lot of explaining that Ali isn’t even going to entertain the idea of attempting in any way. Debbie is 18 and Sophia is 23, so they’ve heard it a few times before, especially because Derek likes to tell it a lot.

_“Oh…you scared me!” Ali yells in alarm as she walks out of the restaurant office to go find Ashlyn, instead walking right into her before she was even fully out the door._

_“Geez. Scared me too, sorry!” Ashlyn puts a hand to her own chest after getting startled when Ali came out of the door unexpectedly and slammed into her. “You ok?”_

_“Yeah, sorry, didn’t mean to scare you either.” Ali quickly pecks her lips. “I was just going to look for you.”_

_“Oh, I was looking for you too.” Ashlyn chuckles. “Everything ok?”_

_“Yeah, just got a call from the school nurse that we need to pick up Jade.” Ali explains before leaning in closer to be discrete. “She’s fine, but she just got her period. I can go get her.”_

_“Oh, uh…wow, ok.” Ashlyn replies in slight surprise. “God, I never even thought about that. I mean, she’s 12… we should’ve realized it was coming. My mind just didn’t even prepare though.”_

_“Mine either.” Ali admits. “But ready or not, think we’re gonna have some questions to field today.”_

_“Uh, yeah.” Ashlyn sighs. “So, turns out I was coming to find you for a related reason apparently.”_

_“What do you mean?” Ali asks with her head cocked to the side._

_“Well, Coach just called. He just wanted to give me the heads up that he was keeping Derek a little later after basketball practice today. He has detention after school, and coach is gonna keep him to run some laps and extra drills for missing some of practice.” Ashlyn explains._

_“Oh no.” Ali’s heart drops. “Detention? What did he do?” She asks dreadfully. Derek has done a complete 180 over the last year or so. He has done really well in school, stopped getting in trouble, has a good group of friends, and is involved in extracurricular activities of which basketball has become the most meaningful to him. All three Harris kids are in public school now for the first time and Ali has been secretly anxious that maybe it wasn’t the best idea given how much extra attention and help Derek and Jade got at their former private school._

_“Relax. Not that bad. He just got caught making out with a girl behind the gym where no one is allowed to be.” Ashlyn shrugs. “Of all the things he has done or could do…not really gonna worry about this one too much.”_

_“Oh phew, ok. I can handle that.” Ali says in relief. “I’ll take the normal teenage stuff any day.”_

_“Ditto.” Ashlyn smiles. “Except now I’m freaking out a little that we have an almost 15 year old boy and have no idea what he knows about sex or if he’s even had sex… and we certainly haven’t talked to him about it.”_

_“Oh…yeah. Oh shit.” Ali says a bit exasperated as it all dawns on her. “Fuck, how did we not prepare for this?”_

_“Guess we were too busy ironing out all of the bigger issues to have had time to really think about and sweat some of these more routine ones.” Ashlyn offers._

_“Damn. Okay, so we essentially have two kids we need to go home and have the puberty and sex talk with today. Any thoughts? Like do we do it together, or…I dunno?” Ali tries to think it out._

_“Hmmm. Well, I think we talk to them individually and not both of them together. They’re obviously at different life stages and biologically it’s a very different thing for each of them.” Ashlyn muses out loud. “And I feel like it might be weird of we both sit and down and talk to each of them. Like maybe it will be more awkward or they’ll feel more bombarded if it’s the two of us. So, maybe just one of us for each of them?”_

_“You’re so good at this, love.” Ali rests her hands on Ashlyn’s hips and kisses her chin. “Wouldn’t want to do this with anyone else.”_

_“Right back at you, beautiful.” Ashlyn gives her a dimpled grin. “Soooo…who gets to talk to who?” She asks with a raised eyebrow._

_“Ugh, oh god.” Ali groans a bit. “I have pros and cons for both. I mean, I certainly have the female stuff down easily…but on the flip side, it’s also seems much more complicated to go through that than the guy stuff.” She can’t help but giggle with a pained look on her face._

_“Flip for it?” Ashlyn suggests and reaches into her pocket for a quarter._

_“As good a plan as any.” Ali nods._

_“Okay. Heads you talk to Jade. Tails you get Derek.” Ashlyn holds the coin in the palm of her hand before flipping into the air and putting it on the back of her hand to reveal heads. “Ok, you get Jade then and I’ll handle Derek.”_

_“Ok, settled.” Ali smiles before pulling Ashlyn into a hug. “You know, now that I really think about it… you definitely have it worse. Sorry not sorry, marshmallow. Good luck today. We’ll reconvene after dinner to compare war stories. And then I’ll promptly make it up to you for having to talk dicks and balls.” She cringes at the thought._

_“Ugh, fuck.” Ashlyn grimaces. “You so better make it up to me.” She pouts._

_“Promise, baby. Lingerie and everything.” Ali waggles her eyebrows and kisses her softly, watching Ashlyn’s eyes widen at the thought. “On the bright side, when C.J. gets to this age, we can make Derek talk to him!”_

_“I love how you think, Hello Kidney.” Ashlyn kisses her wife one more time before pulling away and giving her a playful little tap on the ass. “Get going before my mind wanders too deep into that lingerie thought and I don’t let you. Our hormonal children await!”_

_“Yeah well, they’re not the only ones with hormones around here.” Ali winks and quickly looks around to make sure no one is looking, putting her hand behind her wife’s neck and kissing her hard before walking away and leaving a hooded-eyed Ashlyn in her wake._

_\----_

_“Are you doing okay, honey?” Ali checks in with Jade as soon as they’re settled into the car for the drive home. “I’m sure you might have some questions.”_

_“I’m okay. I know what my period is.” Jade replies matter-of-factly. “We actually had a whole morning at my last school where they separated boys and girls and talked about all this stuff.”_

_“Oh, ok. I didn’t realize they did that.” Ali says feeling mostly relieved and off the hook. “But it’s totally ok if you still have questions. I’ll answer anything you want to know.”_

_“I don’t really have questions. Just…” Jade pauses and shyly looks down at her feet._

_“Really, honey…you can ask me anything.” Ali reaches over to lightly squeeze her arm._

_“Ok. It’s just that a few of my friends have their periods already and they use tampons. And I just…uh…I can’t figure out how to…” She trails off._

_“You came to the right place!” Ali reassures. “I can definitely help you with that.”_

_Jade lets out a deep breath in obvious relief. “There’s a girl in my gym class who wears pads and she gets made fun of for it.”_

_“Well that’s not nice.” Ali shakes her head. “But unfortunately, it was that way even when I was growing up. When you get older, trust me, no one will care one damn bit. I’d rather you do what is comfortable for you, but I get it if you feel like using tampons is an important thing.”_

_“Thanks, Mom.” Jade says contently._

_“Anytime, baby girl. I’m always here for this stuff, always.” Ali replies with a smile, feeling glad she can handle this with such ease._

_As soon as they get home, Ali grabs a box of tampons and confidently talks Jade through how to use them, even pulling one out of the wrapper to show her how it works._

_“Alright, so go ahead and give it a try. Practice makes perfect.” Ali hands Jade the box of tampons. “I’ll wait outside the bathroom door if you need anything.” She smiles and gets a nod in reply._

_“Everything okay in there?” Ali asks after a solid 5 minutes goes by._

_“Uh. No. I can’t get it.” Jade calls through the door._

_“Ok, I’m coming in again.” Ali warns before hearing Jade say ‘ok’ and opening the door, the sight before her enough to break her heart a little. Jade is standing there with just a t-shirt and underwear on, pants crumpled on the floor amidst a few unwrapped and discarded tampons. Her eyes are teary and she looks positively defeated. “Oh sweetheart, it’s ok. You’ll get it.” Ali wraps her up in a hug._

_“I can’t.” Jade says miserably. “I tried and I can’t. Like I can’t get it in the right spot and uh…in.”_

_“Oh. Um…ok.” Ali scrambles to figure out what to do, feeling a bit at a loss. Her earlier confidence is long gone now, but she’s desperate to do something to help. When she sees Jade quickly wipe a tear that escaped, she springs into action without giving it another thought._

_“Ok, honey. Real girl time here… we’re gonna just do this together. My best friend was older than me and she just full-on showed me how to do this. So, we’re going to do that and forget being shy. Is that okay?” Ali asks._

_“Yeah. I just want to be able to do it. Please.” Jade agrees and practically begs._

_“Alright, so first I’m going to show you how it sort of goes.” Ali takes her pants off and leaves her underwear on. She hikes a leg up onto the toilet seat and grabs a tampon, showing Jade how every single step would go short of taking her underwear off and actually inserting it._

_“Ok. But I think I tried all that…just like you said before…and I still couldn’t.” Jade explains._

_“Well, that’s where I help you.” Ali says warmly. “If you feel comfortable enough, we can do exactly what I just showed you…only I’ll stand right behind you and help guide your hand…but you’ll be the one doing it. I’ll just help you along until you think you have it.”_

_“Yes, ok. Let’s do that!” Jade says contently, any shyness going out the window because she’s so desperate to figure this out._

_If you had told Ali a year ago that she would be standing behind her foster daughter and holding her hand to help her get a tampon in, she would have laughed in complete disbelief. But here she is doing it, her heart actually swelling with happiness for her daughter when Jade finally shouts ‘It’s in! I got it! Yes!’ Ali is barely able to stand upright when Jade turns around practically jumps into her arms to hug her tight, repeating ‘thank you’ a million times over. What has to be one of the most awkward moments of her life has also turned out to be one of the most joyous, one that makes her feel like a truly good parent._

_\-----_

_“I know, I know. I kinda blew it today.” Derek puts his hands up as he gets into Ashlyn’s car, still a bit sweaty from the extra laps he ran even though he already changed._

_“Yeah, you blew it a bit.” Ashlyn agrees with him as she drives. “You know better than to do stuff that you’re not supposed to at school. In the long run, this kind of stuff can mess you up with your basketball team and affect your record if you choose to apply to colleges. So, you really have to be careful and smart about it.” She explains to him._

_“Yeah, I know Mama. Won’t happen again.” Derek says apologetically._

_“But… I also get it, my dude. Hard not to give into a pretty woman, right?” Ashlyn smiles at him._

_“Got that right!” Derek smiles back at her widely._

_“A lot of this is normal stuff for your age, so I really do get it. But it’s probably time we had a talk about being responsible about it.” Ashlyn suggests and just sees him nod with his eyes down. It relieves her to some extent that he seems somewhat shy about it rather overflowing with his usual bravado because she’s definitely a bit nervous herself.  She pulls into a tiny parking lot near a path which leads down to a small beach area that is often empty since not many people seem to know about it._

_“Come on.” She grabs a blanket and a small cooler from the back seat and leads Derek down the path, glad to see no one is there when she reaches the beach and then lays out the blanket. “Here. Strawberry.” She pulls out a couple bottles of root beer and two strawberry hand pies she made this morning at the restaurant, knowing it’s his favorite._

_“You’re the best, Mama!” Derek eagerly bites into his pie. “So good!”_

_“Well I’m gonna tell you right now that it’s a peace offering for the conversation we’re about to have.” Ashlyn says with a nervous laugh._

_“Oh god.” Derek groans._

_“Yep.” Ashlyn replies and lets out a sigh. “I’m going to just keep it real. I’m a woman who is married to another woman and have never in my life ever dated or slept with a guy. So, I’m not even going to pretend to know what runs through to the mind of an almost 15 year old boy when it comes to sex.”_

_“Well look at you, gold star lesbian.” Derek nudges her with a smile._

_“Funny.” Ashlyn shakes her head. “But hell yes I am and so is your Mom, sooo.”_

_“Not that I’ve given it any thought, but I actually can’t picture either of you with men.” Derek shrugs._

_“And you’ll never have to.” Ashlyn says proudly. “See, like I didn’t even know you knew what a gold star lesbian was. If we’re gonna get into this, I just need to be blunt. Have you had sex?”_

_“Nah, Mama.” Derek replies matter-of-factly. “Not saying I haven’t thought about it. Just…well…if we’re being honest…” He looks at her._

_“Please do. You can tell me anything.” Ashlyn encourages him._

_“Seems like a big damn risk to take.” Derek looks back down at the sand._

_“What do you mean exactly?” Ashlyn asks a bit confused._

_“Last thing I want is to end up with a kid I can’t raise properly. I never want to be the asshole who isn’t there for his kid, who just tosses them away like trash because they can’t handle it. No sex means no kid.” He explains sadly._

_“Yeah, ok.” Ashlyn takes a deep breath. “Come here.” She wraps her arm around him and pulls him into a side hug. “You listen very carefully to me, ok?”_

_“Ok.” Derek mumbles._

_“You will never ever be your father. Ever. I can promise you that without a single doubt in my mind. We grow and learn from our experiences and I know your heart…you’ll never be him. And for that matter, you’re an amazing guy, Derek. You’ve gone through some awful things, but you’re kind, and loyal, and compassionate despite it all…you deserve all the good things this world has to offer, and you’ll get them because you’ll work hard for them. Simple as that.” Ashlyn gives him another squeeze._

_“Thank you, Mama. Love you.” Derek says with an emotional tone, hugging her back before letting her go and taking a long sip of his root beer._

_“Love you too, so big.” Ashlyn smiles at him._

_“One thing though… he’s not my father. Just a jerk I share some DNA with.” Derek corrects. “Turns out I never needed a father anyway. Just the two best women and moms in the world, I’m all set.” He says sweetly and earns himself another hug._

_“Ha, well you sure learned that Harris Charm fast! But yes, you have us…always.” Ashlyn says with a full heart, this conversation turning out to be one of their most sentimental. “Annnnd, you’re distracting me from a very important sex talk.”_

_“Right. Ok already, get back to the awkward.” Derek laughs._

_“Ok, well… think we both know you’re gonna have sex eventually, whenever that is.” Ashlyn starts and gets a nod from Derek. “And I’m happy to hear that you’re thinking about the risks of it, like getting a girl pregnant. Do you know about STDs and stuff like that?”_

_“Yep, got the lecture in school.” Derek supplies._

_“Oh ok, good. I mean, best way to avoid all that stuff is to not have sex at all. But you know, if you’re going to…you want to do everything to be safe about it.” She says logically. “So that means using condoms, getting tested for STDs regularly, and communicating with the person you’re having sex with about these things and knowing whether or not they’re on birth control. If you can’t handle communicating openly like that, then you shouldn’t be having sex yet.”_

_“Makes sense.” Derek replies._

_“So, you’re good with that stuff? No questions about it?” Ashlyn checks._

_“Mostly yeah. Like they explained how we would use a condom and gave us some in school, but like… I don’t actually know exactly how to use one. Seems easy enough to figure it out I guess.” Derek admits with a shrug._

_“Oh uh…well, you shouldn’t be trying to ‘figure it out’ when you’re about to have sex.” Ashlyn says, her palms sweating a bit and her eyes widening. “I mean, you should probably practice it at some point way before that. And uh… Christ…ok…I guess I came prepared for this.” Her cheeks get a bit red and she reaches into her pocket to pull out a condom from a box she just bought this afternoon for this very purpose._

_She had debated with herself for almost two hours before going to pick up Derek, trying to decide how to go about this part if it came down to it and Googling it. There aren’t exactly many ways to do it but to just demonstrate, and the last thing she wants is for it to be awkward to the point that it traumatizes both of them._

_“Ok, so… first you carefully tear open the package, like this.” Ashlyn’s hands shake a bit as she opens the condom wrapper. “Uh, then you pull it out and make sure there aren’t any like obvious holes in it.” She lets out another breath. “Then there’s like this little tip, so locate that and then you wanna like pinch it to get the air out of that part…” She starts to show him and then pauses when Derek bursts out laughing and falls over onto the sand._

_“Oh…Mama…I’m sorry…your face right now…” He continues to laugh hard and Ashlyn can’t help but laugh too._

_“Well excuse me, this isn’t exactly easy!” Ashlyn shakes her head at herself and elbows him._

_“So damn funny!” Derek tries to breathe through his laughter. “I was gonna let you go on…but damn, I can’t do it! I’m sorry…I was just messing with you. I know how to use a condom, promise.”_

_“Wait, really?” Ashlyn elbows him again._

_“Yes, really.” Derek assures her. “Uncle Kyle actually talked to me a while ago about all this stuff and he showed me on a broom handle as he was cleaning up the salon. Said he didn’t care of it was awkward or not cause it was important to know. We both laughed our asses off and it was cool.” He explains._

_“Oh thank god.” Ashlyn sighs in relief, making a mental note to thank Kyle profusely later._

_“He said he was taking one for the team because us guys need to stick together and because you and Mom would be all nervous about it. He said something like ‘lesbians like to stay far away from all things dick.’” Derek snickers._

_“He wasn’t exactly wrong.” Ashlyn chuckles in slight embarrassment._

_“He actually said that you would be the one getting stuck with having the sex talk with me because Mom would probably die trying to do it… and he bet me $10 that you’d roll a condom onto a banana.” Derek belly laughs again. “Guess I couldn’t hold back long enough to find out.” He motions to the condom in Ashlyn’s hand._

_“Oh for fuck’s sake.” Ashlyn shakes her head and reaches into the cooler with a hearty laugh, pulling out the banana she was about to use. “You lost the bet, bud.”_

_“OH MY GOD! Too much…I’m dead…I’m gonna die right here, I can’t breathe!” Derek rolls around on the sand in a renewed fit of loud laughter._

_“Yeah, yeah. Laugh it up! The joke is on you…I’m gonna make you talk to C.J. about this stuff when it comes time!” Ashlyn warns him. “I was going to thank Kyle for talking to you, but now I’m just gonna smack him upside the head!” She tosses the banana and condom into the cooler._

_“Alright, alright. Let’s get serious again for a second.” Ashlyn gets them back on track once Derek stops laughing. “So, you obviously know some stuff about sex. Level with me… is that from movies and things like that? I mean, do you watch porn?”_

_“Ha, now there’s my fearless, Mama. Welcome back.” Derek nudges her. “And yes, of course I watch porn. Every teen boy on the planet watches porn.” He answers truthfully._

_“I figured. And that’s totally fine.” Ashlyn assures him. “I just need you to really understand that porn is so far from reality. What you see is truly like any other movie you watch… the vast majority is fake, very exaggerated, and not real.”_

_“Really?” Derek asks curiously and sits up straighter._

_“Really. I may not have ever slept with a guy, but I have enough adult experience to tell you that real sex is pretty far from porn.” She replies matter-of-factly._

_“Hmmm, ok. How so?” Derek inquires._

_“Well, for starters…most women have real boobs that jiggle and sag and don’t sit there like a perky shelf. Some of us shave our pubic hair, some trim, some let it all go natural… but more often than not, you’re probably not gonna get a perfectly waxed smooth vagina every time. Most of us have stretch marks and curves, and we don’t have long ass nails, and aren’t all done up with perfect make-up and perfect hair while we’re getting down. Know what I mean?” Ashlyn tries to explain._

_“Yeah, alright. I know what you mean, that stuff does seem really fake sometimes.” Derek considers it. “What else?”_

_“Well, I’m sure a lot of that is the same for guys. I mean, you guys don’t always have six pack abs, perfectly groomed chests and hairless balls, right?” She raises an eyebrow at him._

_“Right.” Derek agrees. “I get it.”_

_“Good.” Ashlyn nods. “And a lot of what you see is also male dominant where the guy is usually the aggressive one and even rough and possessive sometimes. I can’t speak for all women, but like… that’s not always a good thing. Getting pounded into the ground while your ass gets slapped is not the picture of romantic sex. I’m not saying some women don’t like that, but I think you know what I mean. It’s most important to communicate with your partner and understand what that person wants and needs. There’s nothing wrong with being sweet, sensitive, vulnerable, and sensual when it comes to sex… often, that’s the best sex. At least in my experience.”_

_“I haven’t thought about it that deeply, but I know what you’re saying. Damn, sex is complicated.” Derek sighs._

_“Yeah, it is. And for good reason…it’s really intimate. If you’re not ready to have that level of conversation with someone, you really shouldn’t be having sex with them. I’m not saying it doesn’t happen that sex is just spontaneous sometimes without all that depth, but I will tell you that usually that type of sex isn’t all that worth it in the long run. Again, just my experience.” Ashlyn says truthfully. “This is just my best advice and stuff for you to think about. I trust you to use your best judgment and do what is right for you.”_

_“Ok, promise I really will think hard about it and be more careful about what I take from what I’m watching.” Derek promises._

_“Good, that’s all I was going for.” Ashlyn smiles._

_“So, anything else?” Derek asks._

_“Well, yeah…couple things.” She turns to face him a bit. “I’m going to ask just because I want to make sure you know you are loved no matter what and we want to support you in every way, but you don’t have to answer if you don’t want to or even if you don’t know, ok?”_

_“Sure, ok. What’s up?” Derek says curiously._

_“So, I know you were making out with that girl today at school. Is it just women?” Ashlyn looks at him meaningfully._

_‘Oh, yeah. Definitely.  Haven’t ever had any thoughts about guys like that, at least yet.” He answers genuinely. “But thanks to you and Mom, and Uncle Kyle, I know enough to stay open to myself about that stuff if it comes up.”_

_“Ok, good. Happy to hear that.” Ashlyn smiles at him. “I just wanted to check in with you about it.”_

_“What’s next?” Derek prompts her._

_“Well…being a lady lovin’ lady that knows all about women…” She starts._

_“Ah yes, and here is where having the lesbian moms comes in handy…go on.” Derek smirks and rubs his hands together eagerly._

_“Damn right.” Ashlyn shakes her head with a smile. “First off, it’s different for women and we often don’t orgasm easily or even at all sometimes. That’s another thing porn sucks at being real about. Anyway…it’s kind of a challenge, but one that with a sweet pay off. So, be a good partner and always do your best to make sure she’s taken care of just as well as you are. You’re gonna have to work at it…so get it in there, figure out what she likes, and work at it, you catch me?” Ashlyn raises an eyebrow at him._

_“Yeah, ok. Think I know what you’re saying…maybe…” Derek says pensively._

_“Well let me be clearer then. What I’m saying is that if I ever find out that you got a great blowjob and you weren’t between that woman’s legs returning the favor until she’s shaking, hip bucking, and screaming your name…I’ll kill you myself. Clear now?” She playfully warns him._

_“Loud and clear, Mama. Loud and clear.” Derek smiles and pats her on the shoulder._

_“Good. Great. I think we’re about done here?” Ashlyn replies._

_“Good to go.” Derek agrees and helps her fold up the blanket while she puts the bottles in the cooler._

_“Hey.” Derek nudges Ashlyn as they walk back up the path. “Thanks for being real with me about all that stuff. I know it probably wasn’t easy.”_

_“Of course. I love you. I’ll always keep it real with you.” Ashlyn wraps an arm around his shoulder._

_“And as things come up and I have more real questions, can I ask you? Like even if their detailed or awkward?” Derek checks._

_“You can always ask me absolutely anything and I’ll always be honest with you.” Ashlyn promises him._

_“Thanks, Mama. Really don’t know what I’d do without you and Mom.” He says sweetly and leans into her shoulder before adding, “Love you like a porn star loves a good ass slap.”  He busts out laughing as Ashlyn rolls her eyes and elbows him yet again._

_\-----_

_“Alright, spill. Was it awful?” Ali plops herself down next to Ashlyn on their bed.  She’s been dying to tell Ashlyn how things went with Jade and find out how everything went with Derek, but between getting dinner ready, helping with homework, and getting everyone off to bed, it had to wait until now._

_“Oh well, I wouldn’t call it awful...” Ashlyn tilts her head to the side, trying to find the right words for this afternoon. “More like super awkward but also heartwarming, if that makes any sense at all.”_

_“Oh that makes sooo much sense.” Ali replies knowingly, feeling exactly the same way about her encounter with Jade. “Tell me all about it.”_

_“No way, you first.” Ashlyn insists, knowing there is no way Ali’s conversation with Jade got as graphic as hers and Derek’s._

_“Well, let’s just say I was in my underwear with my leg hiked up on the toilet seat while I guided our daughter’s hand to help her get a tampon in.” Ali raises an eyebrow. “Beat that.” She challenges._

_“Oh damn.” Ashlyn’s eyes go wide. “Wow, ok then.”_

_“I win the awkward award.” Ali says proudly._

_“Oh hell no. You get honorable mention compared to me… I most definitely win the awkward award.” Ashlyn shakes a finger at her. “When you’re about to roll a condom onto a banana and your son stops you not only because he can't stop laughing, but because he and his lovely gay uncle already had this talk about condoms and they bet on you using said banana…then we can talk about awkward.”_

_“That...is… fucking…amazing… you really went with a banana?!” Ali barely gets out through a fit of laughter. “You win, marshmallow!”_

_“You suck, Hello Kidney.” Ashlyn shoots her a playful glare._

_“Awwww, baby. I’m sorry.” Ali finally stops laughing enough to place little kisses all over Ashlyn’s face. “I love you so damn much for doing that. Truly. I knew you were gonna have it way worse than me.”_

_“Thanks.” Ashlyn shakes her head with a smile. “But I gotta give you all the credit in the world for literally helping Jade get a tampon in. You’re really the best, Al. Mom of the year award.” She says sweetly._

_“And when we smack Kyle upside the head, we’ll really get Moms of the year.” Ali commiserates._

_“That’s exactly what I said!” Ashlyn replies. “I simultaneously love your brother and also kinda wanna smack him.”_

_“Welcome to my life.” Ali shrugs. “He’s helpful in the best and worst ways, but I’m thankful as hell for him.”_

_“Ditto. But we both know the thankful will win out and we’ll just give him a big damn hug when all is said and done.” Ashlyn admits._

_“Truth.” Ali agrees. “Except this time I’m putting big ol’ kick me sign on his back while I do it.”_

_“Bingo!” Ashlyn chuckles. “Alright, so tell me more about today with Jade.”_

_By the time the two of them are done fully recounting their afternoons, they’re both laughing so hard they can barely breathe. Ashlyn gets the idea to take a selfie that will always remind them of this day, one that illustrates just how challenging, ridiculous, real, and also wonderful parenting can be._

\-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

“Who’s that with my Papa?” Sophia asks curiously, pointing to a picture of Ken and Derek holding up a big basketball trophy.

“That’s my Dad. Your great grandpa. He died long before you were born.” Ali replies with a tight smile.

“Oh ok, yeah. He looks like you.” Sophia replies and studies the picture a bit more closely.

“So, great grandpa Mike wasn’t your Dad?” Debbie asks looking a bit perplexed as she leans in to get a closer look at the picture.

“No, honey. He was great grandma Deb’s second husband, my stepdad. This is my Dad.” Ali points to the picture of Ken.

“What happened to him?” Jameson asks nonchalantly, he and Declan never meeting or hearing much about either of their great grandparents.

“Jame, rude!” Debbie elbows him.

“It’s ok.” Ali reassures them. “My Dad had a heart attack, happened really unexpectedly. It was actually not long after this picture was taken.” She looks back down at it.

 

_“Ashlyn, he’s really good. Like really good.” Ken exclaims as he sits between her and Ali in the stands of Derek’s high school gym, watching him play the last game of his freshman season._

_“You think so? I mean, I definitely think so, and he got a starting spot with no problem this year as a freshman…but I thought maybe I was being a little biased, you know?” Ashlyn replies._

_“No way, that kid has talent. No doubt brought out by you.” Ken praises her._

_“She’s been amazing with him.” Ali pipes up before Ashlyn can give her usual humble reply, shooting her wife a sweet smile and getting one in return._

_“I mean, he’s pretty natural out there. The footwork and shot accuracy are great. I think maybe a bit more discipline with the ball handling and…well, if he’s just more patient and holds onto it just a bit longer before passing it off, I think he’d see more shooting lanes open.” Ken analyzes._

_“Yes! Exactly!” Ashlyn replies, seriously impressed by Ken’s insight when he isn’t really all that into basketball. “That’s what I’m trying to get him to work on, but it’s proving to be the hardest part for him.”_

_Ken just nods and watches the rest of the game, keeping a close eye on his grandson and brainstorming a bit. With C.J. he had been around right from the start and naturally built a relationship with him, but it has been a bit harder to connect with Derek and Jade since he lives in D.C. and hasn’t been around enough that they’ve gotten to know him all that well. They seem to like him enough, but he’s trying his best to be more of a presence in their lives and making it a point to visit Miami more often. He actually let Jade paint his toenails pink last night which seemed to win her over._

_“So, I’d like to throw out an idea.” Ken says as he sits in Ali and Ashlyn’s living room on the last night of his visit after the kids have gone to bed. “But it’s just an idea and I won’t be upset about it if you don’t agree.”_

_“Just tell us, Daddy.” Ali says easily, and sticks her cold feet under Ashlyn’s thigh as usual._

_“Ashlyn, I know you and I talked about Derek needing to work on some things with his basketball game. And he really seems into the sport itself.” Ken starts. “Well, I know someone who runs a summer elite-level club team in D.C. for guys Derek’s age. We once did some wellness coaching together. Anyway, I talked to him and showed him some video of Derek from the other night that I took on my cellphone… he says he wants him to come play on the team this summer.”_

_“Oh wow.” Ashlyn says a bit stunned, knowing how hard it is to break into these elite club teams._

_“Is that good?” Ali looks at her wife._

_“Yeah, it’s really good.” Ashlyn replies enthusiastically._

_“I mean, he could live with me. And I agreed with Paul, the guy who coaches the team, that I’d serve as a fitness coach for the team over the summer too. Means I could stay close to Derek and help out.” Ken explains. “So, there would be no cost to you two. And if Derek wants to do it, I’ll officially join as a coach and do it with him.”_

_“You’re the sweetest for even thinking of this and putting in your own personal time, no matter what happens.” Ali gets up and goes over to hug him, feeling a bit emotional. She knows this is his way of finding a way to connect with Derek. “What do you think?” She looks at Ashlyn._

_“I think it’s an amazing opportunity. I worry a bit that Derek is a lot to handle for a whole summer, but I also know how committed he’s gotten to basketball. This type of club play could eventually be his ticket into a good college that he might get an athletic scholarship for. I think if he wants to do it, that we should let him. I just don’t want to pressure him at all.” Ashlyn considers it all._

_“Completely agree on that…he has to want it 100% himself. And really, I promise you two that I can handle everything for those couple months. It would be my pleasure to help out and it would give me a chance to be in his life a little more.” Ken clarifies._

_“I think it might be a good idea for him to feel a little independent from us too. I’ll miss him like crazy, but I know you’re more than capable, Dad. If he wants to do it, I’m all for it.” Ali smiles._

_“You’re the best, Ken. We’ll tell him in the morning.” Ashlyn says with finality and watches Ken just nod quietly, making it clear that he’s a little emotional over their very open and enthusiastic response._

_Derek doesn’t just want to do it, it’s all he talks about for the last three weeks of the school year before he leaves for D.C. His overwhelmingly positive response actually makes the two women feel less nervous about letting him go for the summer. In the end, it’s one of the best things that ever happened for Derek._

_Even though Ken doesn’t know all that much about basketball, he’s an overall excellent coach in many ways and an even better grandpa. Not only does Derek come home looking stronger and more physically fit, but he is suddenly more resourceful and responsible about several things: he does his own laundry, cooks some meals, keeps his room cleaner, and puts more time into exercise outside of basketball. Ashlyn and Ali are amazed by the transformation. On top of that, the increase in his basketball skills is beyond what Ashlyn could have imagined._

_Derek was already a standout on his high school basketball team his freshman season, but this sophomore year it’s to the point of attracting serious attention. By mid-way through the season, there are top college recruiters at most of his games wanting to talk to him. Ken visits any time he has time off from school and stays involved from afar when he can’t be there._

_In fact, when Derek starts to get cocky and insists he should go right to the NBA draft out of high school like Lebron James did, it’s Ken who talks to him before Ashlyn can even get a chance. Ken is the one who sits him down and shows him not only Ashlyn’s injury video, but that of a few other top players that had to retire early…making him understand why it’s important to not throw away the opportunity of a college degree and convincing him that his game will only improve over time._

_It happens so suddenly. Just three months after Ken is helping Derek hoist the state championship trophy at the end of the sophomore season, he’s gone. The call comes early in the morning from a woman that Ken had more recently started dating. He had uncharacteristically missed their date and didn’t answer her calls, so she went to check on him that morning. It had been the same silent killer heart attack that had taken Ali’s grandfather and uncle…it had happened in his sleep. And while it certainly wasn’t something unexpected given their family history, it still deeply unsettled Ali._

_The call from the woman she didn’t know beyond a passing conversation with Ken about dating someone new. The fact that Ali would never have known for days if that woman hadn’t checked on her Dad and called her. That he was alone. The questions plague her for days… Did he feel anything? Did he know what was happening? Was he scared? And before she knows it, the same guilt she felt over Jim’s death had taken her in its grip again._

_\-----_

_“How are you doing, Mom?” Derek asks in concern, sitting down next to her on the deck._

_“I’ve been better.” Ali replies flatly._

_“Mama told me you’re feeling sad but also really guilty.” Derek prods her a bit, taking his chances that he’ll probably get Ashlyn in trouble._

_“Yeah, guess I am. I just…I feel bad that I didn’t spend more time with him. I know with the distance it was hard and he had his own life, but I don’t know… I feel guilty that maybe I didn’t make the effort I should have.” She openly confesses. “And knowing about your biological father and how you feel about him, I feel terrible even telling you this right now because I know I was lucky to even have my Dad around as much as I did.”_

_“Can I say something?” Derek asks._

_“Of course.” Ali replies._

_“You’re right about that, you should feel lucky. You were lucky to have him. We were all lucky to have him. But Mom, he was lucky to have you too. And he knew it and he was happy. I mean, you should’ve heard the stories he told me about you last summer and the way he talked about you. Damn, he was just so proud, you know? He would go on and on about you running track and detailing some of your best performances. Do you realize how boring it is to talk about track?” Derek playfully nudges her and gets a smile before continuing._

_“But man, he talked about you running track like it was pro ice hockey or something. And he told me all about how you hard you fought to keep going and live a good life with all the kidney problems. It didn’t matter that you guys didn’t spend as much time together cause of the distance. He loved you and was happy for you just the same…proud of your life and your accomplishments. It’s hard to explain what I could hear in his voice when he talked about you, but like… I sure hope someday that someone talks about me like that when I’m not around to hear it. You have nothing to feel guilty about.”_

_“Thank you for telling me that, honey.” Ali wipes the tear at the corner of her eye before it can fall. “And I can assure you that two women absolutely talk about you like that when you’re not around.” She reaches to hold is hand and squeezes it._

_“You better.” Derek plays back lightly. “Can I say one more thing?”_

_“Go for it, you’re on a roll my wise boy.” Ali smiles._

_“Well it’s more of a question. When I’m older, truthfully, what is going to make you happier? Me hanging around the house with you and Mama all the time or me out there living life and doing what’s best for me?” Derek looks at her pointedly._

_“As much as I’ll always want you around, the second one.” Ali replies honestly. “You made your point, thanks sweetheart. I really needed that.” She admits, a lot of the guilt she has been feeling inside starting to lift a bit now. “When did you get so smart?”_

_“Well my Mama has a soul deeper than a black hole and my Mom is a best-selling author, sooo.” Derek laughs. “Plus, I read your books.”_

_“Oh really now?” Ali raises an eyebrow in disbelief._

_“Of course I did. Had to know what the big deal was.” He teases her._

_“And?” Ali challenges._

_“And they were really good. A little bit girlie for me…but, I could actually relate to some stuff.” Derek divulges._

_“Like?” Ali presses._

_“You felt pretty damn trapped by your circumstances at one point, huh?” He states more than asks and Ali nods to confirm. “I can dig that. I’ve always felt trapped like that. Not so much anymore, but I guess still a little bit when I get down on myself. I can sort of get stuck beating myself down for mistakes and kind of feeling like I’m never going to overcome everything just because of where I come from, you know?”_

_“And you know Mama and I are here to help you work through that and help you see that you’re not trapped by your past at all, right?” Ali checks in with him._

_“I know that. Like I said, doesn’t happen as much as before and I’m getting better at realizing. Just gonna take some time.” Derek reassures her. “But anyway, I could still relate to your books. Just kind of cool to feel you on that level, even if it’s a shitty level.” He shrugs._

_“Well, I’m glad you liked them. Pretty touched you even read them.” Ali smiles._

_“So…you definitely don’t seem like the trapped person who wrote those books anymore. Can I asked what happened to change that?” Derek inquires meaningfully._

_“Well, I could give you some philosophical answer about finding myself and getting to a place of inner peace and all that jazz. But, the really honest answer?” Ali looks at him._

_“Absolutely. Hit me.” Derek replies._

_“She happened.” Ali motions to Ashlyn who is trying to help C.J. capture a salamander in their yard._

_“Ok, so find me one of her. Got it.” Derek laughs._

_“Good luck with finding one as great as her.” Ali teases him._

_“Yeah dang, that’s like the prize tuna right there.” Derek chuckles. “But hey, you’re the amazing one that snagged her, so don’t sell yourself short. Meanwhile, I don’t even fish!”_

_“Well I’ll give you my best tip then.” Ali smirks._

_“Yeah, what’s that?” Derek asks._

_“Use a bum kidney as bait!” Ali lets out a hearty laugh, one that she feels vibrate deep in her soul and that she absolutely needed right now to help lift the fog around her heart._

_As much as Ken’s death had hit them all a bit hard, Ali would later realize that it had also given Deb the boost she needed to live a freer and better life. While her parents had once claimed that Deb retiring in Miami was a much needed step for them dating more seriously, the truth is that neither of them had actually done that…their friendship still too important to them to risk it even with the distance. Although Deb had struggled mightily with Ken’s passing, it had been exactly the kick in the butt she needed. She met Mike shortly after at the gym she frequented, fell in love, and got married two years later. Mike had so seamlessly fit into their family and Ali had never seen her mother so vibrant and full of life._

\-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

“Oh my gosh, look at Uncle Tan’s hair!” Jade exclaims, looking over Declan’s and Jameson’s shoulders at the scrapbook as she walks into the room to make sure Ali is okay with all the grandkids. “I kinda forgot about that Rasta phase of his.” She shakes her head with a laugh.

“Yeah, not his best look. I’m surprised Kyle ever stood for those dreads, short or not!” Ali agrees with a warm smile, the same smile she always has on her face when she thinks about how Jade has always been as much Kyle and Tan’s as she is hers and Ashlyn’s. She’ll never forget the day she learned of Tan’s existence.

_“Hey honey, how was your day? Are those highlights in your hair?” Ali asks a second question before Jade even answers the first._

_“Yep!” Jade says proudly. “Uncle Kyle was trimming it and said it might look cutting edge if I went a little shorter, but then Tan convinced him that leaving it longer with some poppin’ highlights would make the curls really stand out stylishly.”_

_“Tan? Did Kyle hire someone new?” Ali asks, not knowing anyone named Tan was working at the salon._

_“Nope. It’s his boyfriend.” Jade answers casually as she bites into an apple slice Ali cut for her._

_“I’m sorry what?” Ali asks even as she chokes on her iced tea._

_“Boyfriend, Mom. Boy-friend.” Jade sasses until she sees the truly baffled look on her mother’s face. “I thought he told you everything?”_

_“I thought so too, but I had no idea he was even dating someone.” Ali replies in disbelief._

_“Oh he’s more than dating.” Jade shoots her a look._

_“What the hell?!” Ali puts a hand on her hip. “How long has this been going on?”_

_“Hmmm. Well, they went out on like four dates and then made it officially like a month ago. So, like two months maybe.” Jade estimates. “You really didn’t know?”_

_“WHAT?!” Ali is beside herself._

_“Gonna take that as a yes.” Jade groans. “You’re so gonna get me in trouble.”_

_“The only one is trouble is your Uncle, who is about to get a piece of my mind!” Ali exclaims. “He won’t even have time to think about the fact that you spilled the beans. Plus if you thought I knew, clearly he didn’t tell you to keep it a secret anyway.”_

_“Good point. So, I have homework to do… try and keep the yelling to a minimum.” Jade teases. “Also, don’t forget to be happy for him. Not only is Tan super sweet and all gooey for Uncle Kyle, but he’s majorly hot.”_

_“Ugh!!!!” Ali grunts in frustration that Kyle hasn’t told her anything about this amazing guy that he’s clearly serious about._

_“And that’s my cue!” Jade grabs a couple more apple slices off the plate and heads upstairs._

_The plan forms in Ali’s mind before she even finishes dialing Kyle’s number._

_“Hey there princess, what’s shaking in Harris Land today?” Kyle answers the call with his usual flamboyance._

_“I have exciting news!” Ali puts on her best cheery voice._

_“Oooh, tell me!” Kyle says excitedly._

_“Well, I just ran into the absolute cutest guy ever at the grocery store. We got to talking a bit and not only is he a doctor with his own practice, but he’s gay and single. And even better, he thinks you’re hot and wants to go on a date with you. You’re welcome!” Ali says exuberantly._

_“Oh uh…that’s awesome. I just… Al, I really haven’t been dating.” Kyle says flatly._

_“Which is all the more reason you need to be! Ky, he’s a catch, I swear.” She insists._

_“I have no doubt. But Al, I’m really not dating right now…” He repeats nervously._

_“What? Why not?” Ali presses him, all the while smirking to herself. “Don’t make me look like an asshole. At least go out with him once!”_

_“I’m sorry, Alex. I really am. I’m sure he’s great, but I just can’t.” Kyle hopes it will be enough for her to drop it._

_“Hmmph…wouldn’t have anything to do with the sweet and hot boyfriend that is all gooey over you, would it?” Ali puts on her best sarcastic tone._

_“Shit.” Kyle grumbles into the phone._

_“Yeah exactly.” Ali says with a bit of bite._

_“So there was never a hot gay doctor, was there?” Kyle finally sees through the ruse._

_“Of course not, you ass!” Ali yells at him before her voice softens. “Why didn’t you tell me?”_

_“Oh Alex…” Kyle’s heart practically breaks over how hurt she sounds. “I’m so sorry, boo boo. I really am. It has nothing to do with you. I didn’t mention it to begin with because it was just a stupid blind date that I agreed to go on because one of my clients set it up and I didn’t want to lose the client. Then the date went so well that I was kind of in denial about it. A few dates later, it seemed too good to be true and I was too nervous to jinx it. And now, it’s two months later and I’m head over heels in love with this guy and I’m kinda fucking terrified. It just… happened.” He rambles in an attempt to explain._

_“Oh wow. Oh shit.” Ali replies in shock at how serious he sounds, her anger and hurt over not being in the loop going completely out the window._

_“Yeah exactly.” Kyle sighs._

_“I’m really happy for you, Ky. You sound, well…like I’ve never heard you sound before. Tell me about him already!” Ali says with playful impatience._

_“Um ok, let’s see… his name is Tan Brown… yes that’s really his name and yes I tease him about it relentlessly, so he’s a good sport. He’s two years older than me and grew up here in Miami, so his family is nearby and he’s really close to them. He’s brilliant and an aerospace engineer for NASA, so he’s actually designed things on the space shuttles! And at the risk of sounding completely shallow… his dad is Jamaican and his mom is Chinese, so he’s the most exotic and beautiful person I’ve ever seen. Plus he’s perfectly sculpted and his body is just delicious. Sooo, your fake hot gay doctor can suck it!” Kyle says with sass._

_“I don’t even know what to say, this is amazing.” Ali says happily even as her cellphone dings. She opens the text message from Kyle to see a really sweet  picture of him and what she can easily assume is Tan, her lips immediately curling into a smile at how absolutely smitten both of them look. “Kyle…he’s stunning!” She practically squeals._

_“I know, can’t even blame me for giving it up on the second date.”  Kyle admits._

_“TMI! I’m glad for you, but TMI!” Ali groans and hears Kyle laugh._

_“But more importantly, he’s an even better person.” Kyle says seriously._

_“Awww, you really are in love. He sounds wonderful.” Ali replies, truly happy for him._

_“Yeah…he’s… well, honestly… he’s not All-star Ashlyn Harris. There just isn’t another one like her.” Kyle clears his throat a bit. “But you know, Alex...he’s pretty damn close. Closer than I ever thought anyone could be.”_

_Ali doesn’t need to hear another word. “I can’t wait to meet him.” She swallows down the lump in her throat brought on by his very earnest statement._

_“Despite me being too nervous to tell you about him, I can’t wait for you to meet him either.” He replies contently._

_“Perfect! Because I don’t care if either of you have plans. You two now have a reservation at Kaboodle’s private chef’s table tomorrow night at 8pm. So, cancel everything else. No excuses. Ash will be your chef and I’ll be your maître d’…. we meet this boy tomorrow! Got it? K, great!” Ali demands._

_“I deserve that.” Kyle concedes. “Ok, we’ll be there.”_

_“You so deserve it! See you tomorrow, diva!” Ali blows him a kiss over the phone and immediately calls Ashlyn to tell her the news._

_\-----_

_“Alright you two, how was it?” Ali asks as she clears Kyle and Tan’s dessert plates from the chef’s table. She and Ashlyn had a few minutes to get to know Tan before the dinner rush really picked up, and so far, he seems just as amazing as Kyle said he was. He’s a bit taller than Kyle with dark skin and eyes to match, and he’s seriously muscular with a unique blend of exotic features that make him seriously attractive. Ali can’t help but notice that despite his strong appearance, he’s very soft spoken just like Ashlyn._

_“It was so good! I don’t even know what to say besides it was the best dinner I have ever had.” Tan replies sincerely._

_“All-star is magic like that. She was on fire tonight.” Kyle adds._

_“Awww, I’m glad you liked it. Ash will be over in a sec to turn a million shades of red when you two gush over her chef skills.” Ali laughs._

_“She’s majorly modest.” Kyle tells Tan when he looks a bit confused._

_“Hey guys, I hope everything was up to standard.” Ashlyn walks up to the table with a smile and stands beside Ali._

_Ali smiles at the feel of Ashlyn’s hand on the small of her back, reliable as always._

_“Forget up to standard, you are the gold standard.” Tan compliments her and can’t help but laugh lightly when her face immediately turns red._

_“That’s really sweet of you to say, thank you.” Ashlyn blushes._

_“Told ya!” Ali giggles._

_“Told them what?” Ashlyn asks quizzically._

_“Nothing important, Humble Harris.” Kyle teases as he looks down at his watch. “Oh, damn. Since you two made me drop everything for dinner tonight, I had to have Jax cover for me and he has no idea how to close up for the night. I need to run next door and help him for like 15 minutes, is that cool?” Kyle looks at Tan._

_“Yeah, I can help.” Tan replies._

_“No, no, I’ll be right back. Stay and finish your drink. I’m sure these two can manage to behave themselves and keep you company.” Kyle looks at the two women pointedly._

_“Please, my middle name is behaved.” Ali sasses._

_“Actually it’s devil, but sure.” Kyle plays back._

_“Oh hell no, I’m not saying a word other than you’re beautiful and I love you.” Ashlyn quickly announces when Kyle and Ali both look at her for back-up._

_“What about me?!” Kyle demands._

_“Uh, you cut a mean fade?” Ashlyn covers._

_“I’ll take it.” Kyle shrugs and gets up. “Be right back, sexy.” He kisses Tan on the cheek. “Torture him and I’ll accidentally slip with the scissors next time I do your hair.” Kyle points a finger at the two women._

_“I’ll be fine.” Tan assures Kyle and watches him go before he turns back to Ali and Ashlyn who have now sat down across from him. “I will be fine, right?” He half jokes._

_“Yep…assuming you don’t break his heart. Break his heart and I’ll break your face. But it’s a really pretty face, so I really hope you don’t break his heart.” Ashlyn gives him a hard stare._

_“What she said.” Ali smiles widely and squeezes her wife’s thigh in appreciation, completely enamored that she is so protective of Kyle that her usual marshmallow personality quickly turned fierce._

_“Oh I believe it.” Tan puts his hands up defensively. “Kyle told me all about you. If it wasn’t insane enough that you didn’t pass right the hell out when your leg snapped like a popsicle stick, you then let one of your organs get harvested for a complete stranger. As nice as you are, you’re actually a bit terrifying. I mean that in the most complimentary way possible.”_

_“Well, she’s a really beautiful stranger.” Ashlyn winks and smiles at Ali._

_“Yep, just as good looking as her brother.” Tan agrees smoothly._

_“See, now I really don’t want her to have to break your face.” Ali jokes._

_“She won’t ever have to, I promise.” Tan says sincerely. “I know you just met me, but your brother talks about the two of you a lot. So much that I feel like I almost knew you before tonight.  And I can completely understand why. You’re amazing individuals obviously, but together…It’s hard to describe. You just have this perfect balance together, a passionate chemistry coupled with this tranquil, easy-going vibe…like this fiery but naturally comfortable love. I don’t know how else to say it. Anyway, Kyle idolizes you two and your relationship, it’s what he puts up on a pedestal as the ideal. And, I have to say that seeing and experiencing for myself what Kyle admires so much…well, it makes it all that much more clear to me that he and I have a real chance at our own version.”_

_“Oh gosh.” Ali puts her hand over her heart, feeling speechless even as she feels Ashlyn take her other hand under the table. “Ok, sold! You can officially date my brother.”_

_“I’ll second that.” Ashlyn smiles at him. “Just as long as you don’t walk around our house in your underwear like he does.” She jokingly warns._

_“As comfortable as I am with my body, that’s not a gay thing…that’s a Kyle thing.” Tan laughs before getting serious again. “But really, thank you. Having your approval really means a lot to me.”_

_“Well you certainly have Jade’s approval, so we knew tonight would go just fine.” Ashlyn admits._

_“Oh my god, my little queen. I just love her! Really, that kid has my heart.” Tan says so happily that it almost takes Ali by surprise. “She and Kyle together are like they’re own feature presentation!” He adds with a little hand wave._

_“Tell me about it! I had no idea she was so damn sassy until Kyle dragged the diva right out of her.” Ali exclaims._

_“So, that actually reminds me. I have two questions for you.” Tan says a bit mysteriously._

_“Ok, ask away.” Ashlyn replies._

_“Well, Kyle already met most of my family and I know how close you are to him. I was hoping you and the kids would come to my family’s Sunday brunch this weekend at my parent’s house. I’d really like you all to meet and for them to meet Jade. Will you come?” Tan asks hopefully._

_“We wouldn’t miss it.” Ali answers for them after Ashlyn gives her a knowing smile._

_“Excellent. Which brings me to my related second question…” Tan pauses for a second, looks around to make sure Kyle isn’t coming back yet, and leans in closer to them. “Would either of you happen to have a clue what Kyle’s ring size is?”_

_“Oh…” Ali’s eyes go wide, her heart racing for her brother._

_“Bro…you’re serious?” Ashlyn asks even as she’s holding her hand up for a first bump._

_“Yes. To be very honest, I’m really not one to waste time when I feel something is right.” Tan shrugs with  a smile and fist bumps her._

_“Me either.” Ali smiles back at him and nudges Ashlyn._

_“Oh I heard all about Vegas…like fifty times. Which is why I feel like you two get it and I could ask.” Tan laughs. “Also makes me hopeful that maybe he won’t think I’m completely bat shit crazy when I eventually ask him much sooner than most people consider reasonable.”_

_“Is he ever gonna let the Vegas thing go?!” Ali throws her hands up._

_“So, what exactly do you have in mind for a proposal?” Ashlyn inquires with a smirk._

Roughly three months after that night, Kyle had burst into their bedroom at 1am proudly holding up his ring finger with the biggest smile Ali had ever seen on his face. Tan had sat patiently while Kyle gave him a haircut that night, asking how he looked when Kyle was done. Kyle had replied with his usual “You look fabulous, babes” and had spun the chair around to kiss him, only to be surprised by Tan holding out a ring and asking “Fabulous enough to spend the rest of your life with?”

They were married 6 months later in a simple beach ceremony with just family, followed by a much larger, rowdy and lavish reception with a retro club style theme. The newlywed’s unique reception entrance is one of Ali’s favorite photos in this scrapbook: Ali giving Kyle a piggyback ride onto the dancefloor while Ashlyn carries Tan bridal style as ‘Ride or Die’ by Fetty Wap plays loudly.

\---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Track meets, science fairs, basketball tournaments, family trips, proms, graduations, weddings… the pictures that illustrate their life as parents make Ali swell with pride as Jade and their grandchildren look over each of them carefully with her, plenty of laughter filling the room at the stories that go along with them.

As much as it’s a good distraction, Ali can’t help but notice that going through the scrapbook this time is so different than it was just a few days ago. For one, the stories just aren’t quite as funny when she tells them…Ashlyn is so much better at it. What hits her hardest though in the retelling of these memories is that when she looks over at her wife, there are no knowing smiles shared between them in the realization that they are great parents… no sparkling green-swirled hazel looking back at her… no squeeze on her hand. There are only closed eyes, a pale face, chapped lips, and a loose grip. Still, she keeps holding that hand tightly and looking over at that beautiful face as each picture is viewed and each story is told. No matter how often they’ve gone through this book and relived these moments, it still amazes her how well they did.

Derek earned himself a full scholarship to UNC, majoring in exercise and sports science. He won two NCAA basketball tournaments his sophomore and senior years before getting drafted by the Chicago Bulls as the 3rd overall pick. Although Ashlyn had grown up an Orlando Magic fan and had a strong dislike for the Bulls given their rivalry throughout the 1990s, she sat beside Derek during the draft and proudly donned Chicago Bulls gear not only that night, but for the next three years he played for them. He never earned a solid starting spot in Chicago, but when he was traded to the Miami Heat, that had quickly changed. Miami’s starting point guard had gone down with a season-ending wrist injury and Derek had stepped in and led the team to an NBA championship that year. Ali can still remember the feeling of sitting there in their hometown arena, the confetti flying all around them and Ashlyn jumping up and down like she had just won the championship herself.

Derek playing at home in Miami had been an incredible twist of fate, one that had allowed them to have a front row seat for the greatest moments of his playing career. Unfortunately, it had also given them a front row seat to the end of it. He had come down awkwardly after a mid-air collision with another player, rupturing his Achilles tendon and severing the main nerve nearby. Even after a full year of rehab, he had never regained full feeling or range of motion in that foot, forcing him to retire at 29. He became very withdrawn in that year of rehab and the year that followed, spending much of his time with Ashlyn because as he had told Ali several times ‘she’s the only one that gets it without me having to say it’. 

In the end, his time hanging out with Ashlyn at the restaurant had been its own form of healing. He quickly took an interest in the little things that kept Kaboodle running as a business and slowly began taking on the marketing and larger ownership duties as Ashlyn and Ali spent more time away from the restaurant. It gave him a renewed purpose and perhaps more importantly, it gave him love. Derek’s continued struggles with long-term intimacy had made him the consummate bachelor through college and his NBA career. Women moved in and out of his life quickly and without much pause. It wasn’t until a slow building friendship with Ana, Kaboodle’s head manager, that a smoldering relationship blossomed into one that eventually turned Ali and Ashlyn into not only in-laws, but first time grandparents.

 

Jade has always been the most fascinating of their three kids. She was a reliably high achiever in school, getting near perfect grades and graduating as valedictorian of her high school class, but she cared for none of it. Her passions continued to be in fashion, styling, and art. So much so that after turning 16, she spent every hour she could working at the Primp salon with Kyle and practically lived at his and Tan’s house on the weekends. Given her personality and complete lack of interest in boys, it hadn’t been all that surprising when she suddenly announced one night over dinner that she was taking a girl to senior prom and actually said she was _‘gayer than Mama looks._ ’ She has always been eclectic and bold in all of her choices from what she wears to what she eats, but what comes out most strongly is her sense of nurturing. Whether at the salon with clients, at home with family, or through the community volunteering she has put significant time into, she has always been a carer of people in the deepest sense of the word.

To be honest, Ashlyn and Ali had prepared themselves for the fact that she likely wouldn’t apply to college given her interests and aspirations. She had surprised them on that front, very successfully attending Kent State University and graduating with a double major in fashion merchandising and interior design. Although she moved into her own apartment, she had come right back to the salon to work with Kyle after college. While she eventually created her own successful fashion marketing consultant business, the salon was always her priority and she took over ownership from Kyle when he felt that the time seemed right. Having Jade and Derek so involved in the family business to the point of taking it over was the fulfillment of a dream that Ashlyn didn’t even realized she had until it happened.

As fate would have it, the salon had been as important on the relationship front for Jade as the restaurant had been for Derek. Although Jade had a sharp eye for interior design, she wasn’t handy by any means and had to rely on contractors to create her vision. The day she decided to add large windows to the front of the salon that would open out completely, was the day she met Lane. It was love at first sight as Jade tells it. Lane was the marketing manager of a local Miami window and door company and had inappropriately asked Jade out on a date as soon as their official business appointment was over. Although they U-hauled like proper lesbians and moved in together just 3 months later, it took them 6 years to get married since making it official mattered little in the grand scheme of being happy in their day-to-day life. Their relationship became one of the greatest sources of teasing in the Harris household because Lane was so much like Ali in personality and general appearance. Derek and C.J. always joked that Jade married Mom, teasingly calling Lane by ‘Ali Jr.’...and Ashlyn got herself in trouble on more than one occasion by describing Lane as a ‘blonde Ali with bigger boobs’. Ali and Lane have always embraced it though, occasionally going shopping for matching outfits just to spite everyone.

 

C.J. is every bit the same adult in personality that he was as a child, the perfect blend of the two of them.  He has always had a tendency of knowing exactly what he wants and going after it, much like Ali…but his choices are all driven by his deeply feeling heart, completely like Ashlyn. He has rarely ever said no to anything, instead giving most things a chance and choosing to try and tinker or figure something out by himself in every way he can think of before admitting he can’t do something (which is also rare because he usually finds a way even if through sheer determination). C.J. was always the reliably easy one when things were busy or stressful. He was a good student, a hard worker, easy going, and self-sufficient, and is still the same way now.

Despite C.J.’s tall, athletic frame that matches Ashlyn’s, his interest in playing basketball waned before he started high school where, much to Ali’s delight, he ran track instead. That was pretty much the end of his athletic interests though, his large hands being put to better use with his true love: robotics. Thanks to Tan’s influence in buying him a robotic engineering kit every year for his birthday, C.J. could never get enough of building and testing robots. Just like with everything else, his passion was set early on and he worked relentlessly to make it his future. After winning every state science fair and an international one during his senior year in high school, he went to M.I.T., got a Fulbright Scholarship just after graduation, and eventually began working as a surgical robotics engineer in nearby Ft. Lauderdale.

Completely fitting of his personality, C.J. had married his high school sweetheart, Rosie, just after college. She was the first girl he ever kissed, his prom date, his best friend, and his first love. His heart knew from day one what it wanted and he has been loyal in pouring his soul into his life with Rosie. As Ali has always said, this might be the most Ashlyn thing about him. He’s a grand gesture romantic while not forgetting the importance of the little things too… never letting a day go by where he doesn’t make it absolutely clear to his wife that she is beautiful and loved unconditionally. Of course, with having been in C.J.’s life since they were in middle school, Rosie had practically been member of the Harris family well before they started dating and both women have always considered her their fourth child.

Like every family, they’re not perfect by any means and have had their share of ups and downs, but in the end neither woman could ever deny how blessed they are… their reality easily eclipsing everything they could have imagined for themselves. For all the times they’ve looked at this scrapbook and poured through all the highs and lows, all the achievements and letdowns, they’ve always come to the same proud conclusion: _We did good._

_\----_

“Awww, adoption day.” Sophia’s voice breaks Ali from her thoughts, her eyes going to the picture of Derek holding his newborn daughter while Ana, Ali, and Ashlyn look on proudly beside him.

“My first official day as Banma, well sorta.” Ali smiles.

Ana had always wanted a baby, but Derek could never fathom bringing a child into this world when there were already so many kids out there in need of loving parents. It was understandable given his own childhood, but while Ashlyn was proud of him and could sympathize with his desire to adopt, she couldn’t have been more upset with him when they found Derek sleeping on their couch one morning after having a fight over it with Ana. Especially when she learned that he had walked away without fully explaining himself and hadn’t given Ana the chance to understand.

Ali can still remember her wife locking the couple in Derek’s old bedroom and telling them they had to grow up and learn how to communicate properly with each other before they could even think about having a kid. It had worked like a charm, the two of them compromising on adopting a baby rather than Derek’s original vision of an older child. Less than a year after that conversation, a newborn baby girl had been adopted into their family. Sophia Ashlyn Harris, named for Ana’s Mom and Derek’s Mama, the two strongest women in their lives. It was Sophia who originally called Ali ‘Banma’ shortly after she turned one because she couldn’t say grandma, a name that had stuck all these years.

“Papa looks like he’s holding a crystal vase worth millions.” Sophia laughs.

“Yeah seriously, you can’t get more awkward and terrified looking than that!” Debbie adds, Jameson and Declan laughing a bit too even though they clearly don’t fully get it.

“Gosh, your poor Papa had no clue what he was doing.” Ali shakes her head with a smile as she looks at Derek’s stiff posture in the photo. “He was so in love with you… and soooo damn scared he was gonna drop you. He caught on fast though after a few poopy diapers and some late night feedings when your Mama was fast asleep.”

“Still pretty sure he must’ve dropped you on your head at some point, Soph.” Debbie teases and earns herself a glare.

“You were a fat baby.” Declan observes matter-of-factly.

“Well thanks a lot, Deck. Anyone else wanna take a shot at me?” Sophia rolls her eyes.

“You were so cute with that fuzzy hair.” Jameson adds his two cents.

“Awww, thank you lovebug. Muah.” Sophia blows him a kiss. “You probably just want something from me, but I’ll take it.”

“Well I’m with Jame. My cutest first niece.” Jade smiles.

“Hey!” Debbie protests.

“You’re my favorite niece too, babes. I love both my gals.” Jade assures her.

“Much better.” Debbie says happily.

As the kids are bantering, Ali feels herself tighten up as her eyes scan the page they’re on. She knows what picture comes after Sophia’s first birthday and, given the current situation, the next page has been hitting her pretty hard.

“Hey guys, I’m starting to feel kinda tired.” Ali quickly makes an excuse and yawns deliberately to sell it.

“Yeah, you’ve been in here quite a while guys. Let’s let Banma and Nana have some quiet time, ok?” Jade quickly takes control of the situation, happy that the boys just get up as told and don’t whine about it. The truth is that while they understand that Ashlyn is sick and not doing well, the reality is that she and Ali are very present in their daily lives and it’s obvious that they’re really missing that right now. Luckily, Sophia and Debbie are all grown up and have been trying to fill in a bit for the boys in that regard.

Jade waits while the boys give Ali and Ashlyn each a quick kiss on the cheek before ushering them out. Sophia and Debbie linger for just a couple more minutes, Sophia stroking Ashlyn’s cheek softly while Debbie rubs Ali’s shoulders.

“You gonna be ok, Banma?” Debbie breaks the brief silence.

“I honestly don’t know, honey. I hope so.” Ali answers truthfully. “I’m just glad I have all of you.”

“You’ll always have us.” Sophia reminds her. “We love you.” She squeezes Ali’s hand and starts to follow Debbie’s move to head out.

“I love you too.” Ali smiles as Debbie gives her a hug and walks to the door.

“Tell Nana, I love her to the moon and back.” Sophia says as she leans in to kiss Ali’s cheek.

“You can tell her…I like to think that she can hear us.” Ali suggests in a hopeful tone.

“Oh I’m sure she can hear us… I just think all her focus is on you, like always.” Sophia smiles and makes her way out.

\--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Ali puts the scrapbook aside and scoots down, placing soft kisses all over Ashlyn’s face and eyelids before resting her head in the crook of her wife’s neck and while her hand rests in the middle of Ashlyn’s chest. She focuses on Ashlyn’s still mostly steady breathing and still strong heartbeat. It’s her way of making sure she’s still okay, that she’s still here in some way … that strong drumming against her palm and the warm breath tickling her face are the two things keeping her going right now. She stays like this for a quite a while before finding the strength to sit back up and turn the page of the scrapbook.

The picture at the top of this page always takes her breath away… it’s poignant, and heart wrenching, and beautiful. She knows that every family has its own strength, but this picture makes her believe that no family is stronger or more unified than theirs. Everyone is there including herself, Deb, Mike, Kyle, Tan, Derek, Ana, Jade, Lane, C.J. and Rosie. All of them with arms wrapped around each other as they surround Ashlyn supportively. All of them drastically changed in their appearance, except for Ali who is the only one of them that looks the same as usual.

“You know, baby… I have to confess that I got comfortable after a few years. I really thought we’d never relive… that we’d seen the end of…” Ali trails off in a whisper as her eyes scan the page and her mind takes her back.

_Stage 3 Invasive Ductal Carcinoma. The words hang in the air as Ali tries to get a grip on reality even as she feels Ashlyn’s hand tighten its grasp on her own. The last time they had sat in a hospital room together looking at an ultrasound on the screen with their hands clenched like this, it had been an overwhelming joyous feeling as the words ‘you’re pregnant!’ hung in the air. This time there is more than an ultrasound… there is an MRI, biopsy results, a feeling of dread, and a very serious looking oncologist who just confirmed their worst fears with menacing sounding medical terms that essentially boil down to one thing: breast cancer._

_With Ashlyn’s family history, they had known in the back of their minds that it could not only happen at any time, but that it was highly likely. But just like they never spent any time dwelling on the potential failure of Ali’s kidney transplant, they didn’t waste any time on this possibility either. Those days are over though…it’s here…it’s real… Ashlyn has breast cancer at age 57… and it’s bad._

_What had started as some nipple pain noticed during one of their intimate moments, had led to Ashlyn checking for and finding a lump, which had led to several doctor appointments and battery of tests, which had led them here._

_“So what does that mean exactly?” Ali finds her voice._

_“Very specifically, there are two cancerous tumors… one about 5cm in the right breast and a smaller 1cm one in the left breast. We can see cancer cells spread in the breast tissues and in the lymph nodes under both armpits. It hasn’t metastasized, meaning it hasn’t spread beyond the breast tissues and surrounding lymph nodes. That’s good news. Also good news is that this a fairly common type of breast cancer that we’ve gotten very good at treating, the 5 year survival rate is almost 90%. So, please keep that in mind.” Dr. Dennison explains._

_“What about treatment?” Ali asks even as she’s trying to process everything he just said._

_“Although there is a little flexibility in the options, there is a standard approach here that I am going to recommend.” Dr. Dennison lays it out. “The first thing is to run a cycle of chemotherapy to try and shrink the tumors a bit. Assuming they respond, which they usually do, it generally means we can go ahead and perform a lumpectomy rather than a mastectomy…meaning, we’ll just remove the tumors and lymph nodes and not the entire breast tissue. With me so far?” He checks in._

_“Yep.” Ashlyn finally speaks up._

_“Then, assuming surgery goes well, we continue with chemotherapy. In this case, we’ll want to do at least 6 total cycles over about 6 months. And after that we’d want to do a 6 week course of targeted external radiation just to be triple safe. That’s the best practice recommendation. You could choose to have an elective mastectomy, but that is a much larger procedure and produces much higher risk for infections, complications, and potentially more surgeries. And it doesn’t necessarily mean breast cancer won’t return in the remaining tissue. My preference is to not go that route unless the tumors don’t initially shrink with chemotherapy and we have to go there. As for the timeline, well…ideally we’d want to get on this fast. So, I want to start that first round of chemotherapy by next month so we can schedule a surgery the following month.” Dr. Dennison explains._

_“We’ll talk it over together, but I don’t think we have any reason to go against your recommendations.” Ashlyn says softly, eyes quickly darting to Ali who gives her a tight smile._

_“Well, this will be the first appointment of many and our team will always be here to answer your questions at any time. I promise you both, you’re in good hands, Ashlyn.” He says sincerely. “We’ll be in touch to schedule the initial screening and preparation appointments.”_

_“Thank you.” Ali replies for them and Ashlyn nods._

_\----_

_“Hey, talk to me. Are you ok?” Ali reaches out to stop Ashlyn’s hand from starting the car and turns herself in her seat to face her wife. They’ve been silent since the left the hospital room._

_“Yeah, Alex. Honestly…I’m okay. Am I a little scared? Sure. But it is what it is and I know what I have to do. So, I do it.” Ashlyn shrugs and looks up to find cinnamon eyes housed with more worry and fear than she has ever seen. “Baby, are you ok?”_

_Ali can’t manage to speak even though she’s the one that started this conversation, simply nodding her head no. “Ash…” It’s all she can get out in a raspy whisper before she’s sobbing into Ashlyn’s shoulder while strong arms hold her tight._

_Ashlyn lets her cry for a few minutes, letting the sobs die down before she pulls back a bit and gently holds Ali’s face in her hands. “Alex, it’s going to be ok. I’m not going anywhere. Nothing is ever going to take me away from you… and this shit sure as hell isn’t. You hear me? I won’t just promise you that, baby...I full on 100% guarantee it or your next kidney is free.” She tries to bring levity to the moment._

_“You can’t promise that, Ash.” Ali replies dejectedly._

_“The fuck I can’t.” Ashlyn tilts Ali’s head up slightly, forcing her to meet her gaze. She moves to take one of Ali’s hands and directs it under her shirt, pressing it right against the inked skin of her side knowing that her wife will know exactly what her hand is resting on even if she can’t see it: the bird with the pink ribbon in its beak. “One Harris already beat this twice and this Harris will too.”_

_Ali wants to be comforted by the words, but all she can think about is that Gram didn’t beat it the third time around. She quickly nods, hoping that Ashlyn doesn’t see the doubt on her face._

_Ashlyn sees the flash of anxiety in Ali’s eyes and she knows she needs to push just a little harder to get through to her. She slowly slides Ali’s hand down into the waistband of her pants and onto her inked hipbone, seeing Ali’s lips just barely curl into a tiny smile._

_“You heard that doctor in there. This is treatable. All I have to do is give everything, right?” Ashlyn presses Ali’s hand a little harder against tree etched into her skin. “No one gives everything better than we do, Alex. We got this.” Ashlyn locks onto cinnamon eyes again. “I’m not going anywhere, pretty girl. I promise you.”_

_It’s then that Ali really sees it in the green-swirled hazel, the strength, the determination, the absolute confidence. It settles her completely because it actually feels like Ashlyn can somehow fully guarantee everything she just promised. “I know, love. You are so unbelievably strong, Ash. I love you so much…so damn much.” She kisses her deeply until they’re both a little breathless. “You’re right. We got this. We just give everything, like always… we so fucking got this.” Ali says definitively._

_“Welcome back, Hello Kidney.” Ashlyn teases her._

_“I’m sorry I fell apart on you just now. I promise I’ll pull it together and be strong for you. Today was just… a lot.” Ali says apologetically._

_“Al, you don’t have to be strong. And while I feel strong right now, I’m pretty sure at some point I won’t be either. It’s ok. We’ll fall apart together, pick ourselves up together, and get back to the top together. Just be you, baby. Like always. Feel however you feel. I just need you exactly as you are.” Ashlyn says warmly._

_“Ash?” Ali smirks a bit._

_“Yeah?” Ashlyn tries to read the look on Ali’s face._

_“Your dorky marshmallow fluff meter just went through the roof.” Ali lets out a laugh that feels really good right now._

_“Whatever, nerd.” Ashlyn scoffs playfully before capturing Ali’s lips in a sweet kiss that turns a bit heated. “Now take me home and do things to me that make forget all about this afternoon.” She mumbles against Ali’s lips._

_“Seriously right now?” Ali chuckles I disbelief._

_“What? Gotta cash in before I get all bald and you don’t want me.” Ashlyn winks, but Ali doesn’t laugh._

_“Hey.” Ali reaches to hold Ashlyn’s face. “I will always want you. No matter what.”_

_“We’ll see.” Ashlyn shrugs._

_“Nope. Always. I will ALWAYS want you.” Ali repeats again, but this time it comes out in a deeper voice and she sees the quick flash of desire in Ashlyn’s eyes. “In fact…” She gets out of the car and gets into the back seat. “Fuck waiting for home. Get back here.” She instructs, thankful they have tinted windows and there is no one parked immediately around them._

_“Oh really now?” Ashlyn smirks. “You do realize we’re not like 30 anymore and will likely pull muscles and be stiff for days, right?”_

_“Well, you know how I like it when I can still feel you for days.” Ali says with a devilish smile that makes Ashlyn’s mouth hang open a little. “You coming?”_

_“Not yet, but apparently I will be.” Ashlyn quickly finds her bravado and eagerly crawls over the front seat instead of using the doors._

_“Now there’s the stud I married.” Ali husks in approval and pulls Ashlyn on top of her by the collar before she can even fully get into the backseat._

_\----_

_“You ready, love?” Ali asks gently, standing behind Ashlyn as her wife sits in a chair in the middle of their bathroom._

_“Uh, yeah…just, one more minute.” Ashlyn says squeakily as she studies her appearance in the mirror. It’s not like she didn’t know this was coming, it just happened a lot faster than she expected. She knows it’s vain, but she doesn’t feel ready._

_“Baby…take your time. We don’t have to do this today.” Ali kneels down and puts the clippers on the floor, pressing her forehead to Ashlyn’s._

_This has been just one of many things they weren’t quite fully prepared for. When the doctor said chemo would start in just shy of a month, they had assumed that they would have a few more weeks of down time before treatment started. In reality those weeks had been filled with countless appointments, invasive tests, twice weekly bloodwork, and even a minor surgery to have a chemo port placed in Ashlyn’s chest. Ashlyn had barely gotten over the swelling and tenderness from the port placement before the chemo itself started._

_The first week in the first cycle of chemo had actually gone ok with none of the nightmare symptoms they had read about. Ashlyn had immediately gained some confidence with how well she was handling it. That is until mid-way through the second week when the hell really started. She started having awful bouts of nausea and couldn’t keep down much food at times, often got the shivers, and would have periods of fatigue where she couldn’t keep her eyes open. Although the third week began a two week span of ‘off days’ with no active chemo, it was at the end of this third week that her hair began falling out in patches. Ashlyn had looked positively astounded at the amount of hair on her pillow two days ago, knowing it was time even though she was hardly ready for it._

_Ali thought for sure that Ashlyn would have Kyle deal with her hair, but her wife surprised her with the request that she do it. She had called Kyle yesterday morning to borrow a pair of clippers, explaining what was going on and having him show her how to use them._

_“No, I need to just do this.” Ashlyn insists, melting into the touch of Ali’s hand lightly rubbing the back of her neck. “Sorry, I know this is stupid and vain.”_

_“It’s not vain or stupid at all, baby. Our appearances are a big part of how we feel about ourselves, that’s just human nature. Don’t sell yourself short, this is hard and it’s normal and ok.” Ali reassures her. “We really don’t have to rush it and you can take more time.”_

_“Thanks, Al.” Ashlyn gives her a little smile. “I’m ready though. I promise. Let’s just do it.” She gives herself one more look in the mirror before closing her eyes and giving Ali the go ahead. “Ok.”_

_“You sure?” Ali checks again, one hand on the clippers while the other rubs Ashlyn’s shoulders._

_“Yep. Just do it and tell me when it’s over.” Ashlyn keeps her eyes shut, flinching slightly at the buzz of the clippers._

_“I love you, Ashlyn Harris.” Ali leans down and kisses near her ear before getting to the task, both of them jumping the tiniest bit when the clipper makes its first pass through Ashlyn’s hair._

_\----_

_“So, they’re definitely doing this today?” Jade asks Kyle as everyone hangs out in the salon that he closed for the day._

_“Yeah, just talked to your Mom again this morning. She said All-star made her promise they’d do it right after lunch.” Kyle replies. “So, that gives us like two hours to get it done and get over there before they’re likely done.”_

_“And they don’t know?” Jade questions._

_“I didn’t say a word.” Kyle replies._

_“Hey fambam, sorry we’re late. Had to drop off Sophia with Ana’s mom and stop by the store for some supplies.” Derek announces, holding up a plastic bag as he and Ana walk in the door._

_“Supplies?” Deb asks with a raised eyebrow. “Pretty sure we’re in a salon. What more could we need?”_

_“All Uncle Kyle has in here are those old-school straight razors and those require skill. So, these disposable ones are much easier and less likely to result in the loss of an ear.” Derek chuckles lightly and pulls a handful disposable razors out of the bag._

_“Why do we need razors if we have clippers?” Mike questions and everyone looks at Derek expectantly._

_“Oh come on, don’t act like you all haven’t been a part of this family before.” Derek eyes them all. “We go all in…Mama will have zero hair, we’ll have zero hair.”_

_“Whew, that’s gonna be a lot of head glare with no scruff to help.” Lane jokes and Rosie nods with a laugh._

_“I love it!” Tan says approvingly._

_“Of course the two guys with barely any hair to start with are all for it.” Kyle exclaims as he motions to Derek and Tan._

_“Awww, you’re gonna look so sexy bald.” Tan waggles his eyebrows at Kyle before planting a solid kiss on his lips._

_“Don’t make me hose you two down!” Jade warns, no stranger to their always flirtatious nature._

_“Whatever, I’m in.” Kyle smiles._

_“Me too. But I’m also married to the mastermind, so I kinda have to be.” Ana reaches for Derek’s hand and gives it a squeeze._

_“I’m all for it. What are you all going on about anyway, not like we’re talking about a big difference here between buzzed and bald.” C.J. says reasonably. “Anyway, stations are set.” He says as he plugs in the last set of clippers._

_“Alright, alright. Let’s get this show on the road!” Jade gets them organized seeing as how this was her idea to begin with after hearing the one-sided phone conversation between Kyle and Ali yesterday. “I think we should just do this by couple. That way if anyone does lose an ear, it can be settled by a quick divorce and not with a family feud!” She jokes._

_Everyone quickly takes their places, each couple negotiating who is going first and getting to it. It takes about an hour before every single one of them is freshly buzzed and shaved completely bald._

_“We are gonna need some sunglasses up in here!” C.J. jokes as he shields his eyes._

_“Like I said, this is some serious shine.” Lane agrees as she runs her hand over her smooth scalp. “You actually pull this off perfectly.” She compliments Jade who just gives her a smile._

_“Who knew I had this many freckles on my head?” Deb remarks as she looks in the mirror._

_“Mine kinda looks like a wrinkled scrotum in the back.” Mike shrugs and gets a loud laugh from everyone._

_“I look like a skin head.” Kyle cringes and feels Tan’s arms wrap around his waist from behind._

_“Good thing you’re dating me then.” Tan jokes._

_“Sophia isn’t even going to recognize me tonight.” Ana shakes her head with a smile. “Guess that means you’ll have to get up to feed her and change her.” She teases Derek._

_“Please, like I don’t do that anyway.” Derek plays back before looking Rosie. “Ok, gotta say Rosie…this is like the edge you’ve been looking for. You have the best head shape, hands down. Like you legit pull this off like a fashion model.”_

_“I agree.” Jade pipes up right away._

_“See, told you.” C.J. kisses his wife._

_“Thanks guys.” Rosie blushes a bit. “Maybe I’ll think about keeping it short when we get around to growing it back. Probably save me a lot of time getting ready in the morning.” Deb, Lane, and Ana nod knowingly at that last part._

_“Who knew sweet little Rosie could be such a fiery fox?” Kyle nudges her playfully with a little roar._

_“Alright, everyone ready? We need to head over.” Jade rounds them up before getting everyone’s attention. “Look at us.” She motions to the large wall mirror by the door and watches all their eyes turn to look. “We look like… a whole lotta love.” She says emotionally and feels Lane take her hand._

_“You know it, sweetheart.” Deb squeezes her shoulder._

_“And like a bunch of eggs…” Kyle breaks the moment with his usual sass. “Last one there is a rotten one!” He quickly runs out the door._

_\----_

_“Done, love.” Ali announces after turning off the clippers and gently wiping all the little hairs from Ashlyn’s face and neck,_

_Ashlyn opens her eyes and lets them readjust to the bright light of the bathroom before looking at herself in the mirror. It’s drastic, that’s the first word that comes to mind. Her head is so pale and stands out against the rest of her face. Still, it’s not as bad as she thought. She sure as hell doesn’t like it, but she can live with it._

_“Not so bad.” Ashlyn runs her hand over her the barely there stubble on her scalp. “Better than I expected I guess.” She adds before turning to Ali. “Thank you for doing that, baby. Don’t think I could have had anyone else…” She trails off._

_“Ashlyn… you’re so beautiful.” Ali says reverently as her hands find the back of Ashlyn’s neck. “So incredibly beautiful my love.”_

_Ashlyn’s mouth opens to make some sarcastic or snide remark about her bald head when her eyes catch Ali’s cinnamon orbs and the words die in her throat. That look in her wife’s eyes… genuine… loving… passionate… she truly means it. It makes her heart pound and her stomach flutter like so many other times. It makes her feel wanted, loved, desired… bald or not, it makes her feel normal._

_“That’s because your face is reflected in my eyes, pretty girl.” Ashlyn finds her confidence and gives Ali a dimpled grin._

_“Charmer.” Ali leans in for a slow romantic kiss._

_“I love you, Alex. I’ll never leave you… never.” Ashlyn whispers and steals another kiss._

_“I know you won’t, marshmallow.” Ali finds security in the conviction of her wife’s words. “Love you more than anything in the world.”_

_“Can we go spend some time on the beach? I just want you and the waves right now.” Ashlyn requests. “Well that, and maybe a bit of a tan on this noggin!” She runs her and over her bald head again._

_“Well it’ll be a slow building tan. Sunscreen and a hat for you!” Ali lays down the law._

_“Awww, come on. Can one even get skin cancer while they’re already in chemo and practically radioactive?” Ashlyn questions jokingly as she taps her chin._

_“Not funny, Kidney Express.” Ali warns even as she laughs._

_“It was totally funny, Hello Kidney.” Ashlyn plays back. “But yes, I’d rather a pale head than one that looks like a cooked lobster.”_

_“I’ll grab what we need and meet you downstairs.” Ali pecks her wife’s lips and heads into the bedroom._

_\----_

_Ashlyn is halfway down the stairs when she hears voices in the living room. Her mind screams for her to go back upstairs, not nearly ready for her new appearance be seen by anyone right now…but her body doesn’t register in time and her momentum brings her down the two steps that put her in full view. Everyone turns to look at her and she freezes on the spot._

_Everything seems like it’s in slow motion as Ashlyn’s mind races in confusion and anxiety… her brain wonders why there are so many people in their living room even while trying to get her legs to climb back up the stairs. “Who…” She tries to speak through the internal panic as her eyes dart to the different strangers’ faces. She’s about to yell at them to get out when her mind finally catches up to what she’s seeing, familiar features starting to stand out on each face. They’re not strangers… they’re her family… and they’re all bald. “What did…” Her squeaky voice tries again only to be interrupted by Ali coming down the stairs behind her._

_“Ashlyn, what’s wrong?” Ali asks worriedly when she sees her wife standing stock still near the bottom of the stairs, staring at their living room with a stunned look on her face._

_“Uh, they…” Ashlyn’s voice barely comes out at all this time as a few tears roll down her cheeks, the whole thing finally hitting her._

_Ali quickly races down the rest of the stairs to get to her wife, catching some movement in the living room in her peripheral vision and gasping loudly when she sees them. “Oh my god, you guys…” Her hand goes to cover her open mouth._

_“All of them…” Ashlyn says through a strangled sob as she motions to everyone the living room._

_“Hey, easy Mama, ok?” Derek goes right over and supports Ashlyn as he walks her over to one of the chairs, C.J. doing the same with Ali._

_“What did you guys do?” Ashlyn finally manages to ask as she takes each of them in while they smile at her sweetly, completely in disbelief that every single one of them did this._

_“That’s the thing about this family, Mama… we swim together and we sink together.” Derek speaks up for the group, quoting Ali’s words to him so many years ago after he practically set the house on fire._

_“So what he’s really saying is that as long as you’re bald, we’re bald.” Jade pipes up with a smile. “You look like a beautiful queen, Mama.” She adds sweetly, going over to kiss Ashlyn on the head._

_“She’s not lying, sweetheart. You’re as lovely as ever.” Deb piles on to the sentiment._

_“Nowhere near as beautiful as all of you look to me right now.” Ashlyn says emotionally, heart feeling like it might burst open. “I can’t believe you did this… and I don’t know what to say. Just, I love you all so much.”_

_“Wow you guys.” Ali finally manages to get up, going to stand behind Ashlyn’s chair to rub her shoulders. “This is incredible and honestly the sweetest thing I’ve ever seen. Thank you.” Her voice as emotional as Ashlyn’s, completely overwhelmed by the amazing display of unity._

_“I know you guys might feel like you’re alone in this, but you’re not.” C.J. makes their intentions clear. “You don’t have to hide anything from us or spare any emotions in an attempt to protect us. We’re here for it all, no matter what it is.”_

_“Ok, I hear you guys and I definitely see you.” Ashlyn laughs slightly and motions to the baldness of her own head. “One family, in it together.”_

_“Nailed it.” Derek reaches out to fist bump Ashlyn._

_“Well, I guess I’m late to the party then! Let me go get the clippers and you can all fight for the honors.” Ali gets up and starts to head towards the stairs._

_“NO!” Ashlyn pops right up out of her chair and reaches to grab Ali’s wrist. “I…uh…” She feels a little embarrassed by her sudden outburst as Ali and everyone else looks at her in slight confusion._

_“Al, I’ll always think you’re beautiful no matter what. Bald or not, promise.” Ashlyn takes Ali’s hands in hers as she tries to explain. “It’s just that when everything is changing and feels so damn foreign and fucked up… I just want the one thing that is the heart of me to be the same. When everything is a mess, I want to open my eyes and see my perfect angel, exactly like she is. I’m sorry, I don’t mean to take you away from this amazingly wonderful lovefest...” She motions to everyone else in the room with a warm smile. “But you’re the center of it… of all of it…I just need my center, you know? I hope that’s ok.”_

_“It’s very ok, love. You got me.” Ali leans in for a soft kiss. “Plus I don’t have to be bald, suckers.” She sticks her tongue out at everyone else to lighten the moment and gets a loud round of laughs._

_“Oh my gosh, that was so damn sweet.” Tan puts his hand over his heart and fans his eyes. “My poor heart can’t handle all this. Right, Mike?” He nudges the burly man beside him who is clearly teary._

_“Uh, I just have something in my eye.” Mike turns red and Deb rolls her eyes._

_“Right and my eyes are sweating.” Lane teases him._

_“Settled then, the princess gets to stay pretty!” Kyle announces in a booming voice like he’s delivering a decree._

_“God knows I need something gorgeous to look at in this sea of cue balls!” Ashlyn can’t help but jibe them all._

_“Hey now, who the fuck are you calling a cue ball, Mr. Clean?!” Kyle says in mock offense as he rubs Ashlyn’s head and another loud laugh erupts in the room._

_“Alright, we need a picture and then let’s get out of here and give them some quiet time. We know it has been a big day.” Rosie gets everyone back on track and Kyle immediately goes over to adjust the camera he set up on a tripod in the corner._

_“You know, this is actually a really good look for you, Rosie.” Ali compliments her as they all start to huddle together._

_“I totally second that.” Ashlyn smiles._

_“So, I’ve been told.” Rosie laughs with a shrug. “Maybe I’ll keep it short.”_

_“I probably will too if it means Derek has to take on more baby duties because Sophia has no clue who I am.” Ana jokes._

_“Ha, genius! Do it!” Ali high fives Ana._

_“Alright, alright, looking good. Everyone get close and get ready, 10 seconds!” Kyle yells out and runs to get in the group. “5…4…3...everyone say SKULLET!”_

_\------_

_Give everything._

_When Ali had sat in the car and pledged those words with Ashlyn after that first appointment with the oncologist, she could never have imagined the full extent of what that would actually mean. Back then it was a naïve vision of them battling this cancer with all they had… in reality, it’s fighting for Ashlyn’s life to the extreme._

_By the time Ashlyn gets through the painful surgery and 3 cycles into the 6 cycles of chemo she needs to complete, she is practically unrecognizable. There isn’t a single hair left on her body...eyebrows, eyelashes, leg hair, all of it gone. The nausea and her lacking appetite take a hard toll on her body, her weight dropping along with some loss in muscle tone, making her cheekbones and jawline even more prominent than before. What were once days filled with work, family, and fun, quickly turn into just trying to keep Ashlyn comfortable, distracted, warm, and as pain free as possible._

_Of course, you’d never know it if you just asked Ashlyn. She smiles through it all, generally joking and positive as usual if she’s not sleeping. When she’s not admitted to the hospital and being pumped full of deadly chemicals, she spends much of her time at the restaurant still trying to develop menu items despite the fact that her taste is all off. Oscar never says a word, just quietly making the needed flavor adjustments as he completely marvels at her strength. Derek is usually the only one who can convince her to go home after a couple hours by getting her to take a break with him on the beach and then nonchalantly walking her to her car afterwards. She never falters, she never complains, she just keeps going every single day._

_But Ali knows better, her intuition completely attuned to the love of her life. She doesn’t miss the little grimaces when Ashlyn’s body is aching, the constant tiny shivers and goosebumps that signal she’s cold in even the hottest temperatures, the glazed look on her face when her body is exhausted and just needs rest. All of it is so far from normal that it’s scary…except her eyes. The beautiful green-swirled hazel is ever the same…loving, passionate, strong, warm, and vibrant… and Ali finds herself holding her wife’s gaze more frequently than she ever has. It’s her solid anchor in the unyielding storm._

_They’re lucky. They have a great medical team, access to every resource and facility. They have all the family support they could possibly ask for and a lifestyle that gives them all the time in the world to be together and do nothing but deal with this. Still it doesn’t feel like enough sometimes. Ali does every single thing she can possibly think of… she holds Ashlyn, comforts her, massages every sore muscle, makes sure she eats even if it takes hours to find something that is appealing enough that day, helps her figure out medications, sits right by her side through every single appointment and procedure, watches endless movies, takes a million naps by her side, reads to her, makes her laugh, and loves her with everything she has. And still, she feels so incredibly helpless that she almost can’t bear it._

_“Ash?” Ali wakes up from her nap and silences her phone alarm, lightly rubbing Ashlyn’s shoulder to wake her. “We have to get up so we can meet Kyle and Tan for lunch… if you’re still up for it, love.” She says softly in her ear and waits for Ashlyn’s signature little groan and yawn as she rouses…but a few seconds pass and there is no movement or sound._

_“Baby?” Ali shakes her a little bit and still gets so response, Ashlyn’s body feeling heavy and kind of limp against her own. “Ash!” Ali says louder and gives her a solid nudge even as she feels the panic erupt inside. Still nothing, not even the slightest flinch. Her heart drops even as it thunders in her chest, everything feeling like it’s closing in on her. “ASHLYN!” She screams as loud as she can, shaking her wife so hard she rolls her body over completely. There is no immediate response and she loses it. “No… oh my god…oh my god…” Ali’s whole body shakes in fear, her lungs unable to get air. She doesn’t think to check for a pulse or breathing, doesn’t think at all as she grabs her phone to dial 911… her thumb is pressing the 9 when a soft groan sounds from beside her._

_“Ash?!” Ali drops her phone and leans in close to her wife’s face, holding it with both hands._

_“Mmhmmm, what?” Ashlyn barely opens her eyes._

_“Baby, what’s wrong?” Ali asks in a completely flustered panic._

_“Hmph, nothing.” Ashlyn says groggily and lifts her head slightly, before curling herself into Ali. “So tired. Just…more sleep. K?”_

_“Hey baby, sure you’re ok?” Ali shakes her lightly again, her body still shaking and on edge._

_“Mmmhmm, uh huh. Fine. Tired.” Ashlyn nods, her voice thick with sleep. “You ok?”_

_“Uh, yeah.” Ali completely lies and tries to keep the inner panic at bay. “Go back to sleep, love. Rest. I love you.” She softly pecks her lips._

_“M’kay. Love you, pretty girl.” Ashlyn mumbles before her eyes close and a light snore follows less than a minute later._

_Ali tries to breathe so she can calm herself down, her whole body feeling like jello as the adrenaline that just surged through her body begins to dissipate. As soon as she’s sure she won’t wake Ashlyn, she slowly gets up and makes her way to the bathroom…sitting on the shower floor and sobbing uncontrollably. She thought she had lost her…she thought she was dead. Ashlyn is fine, she’s just sleeping…everything is fine…but it’s not. For a few seconds, even for just a stupid few seconds, her world had completely shattered at the mere possibility. And now she’s not sure how to put herself back together for the woman who needs her not to fall apart._

_Ali doesn’t know how long she stays on the floor of the shower, but she eventually makes it back to the bedroom and sits on the edge of the bed just listening to Ashlyn’s steady little snore, letting it calm her still pounding heart. As she texts Kyle to cancel on lunch, her eyes catch the wooden box on the bottom shelf of her nightstand and she finds herself reaching for it like it’s a lifeline, her fingers running across the tops of envelopes until one immediately stands out… ‘Open when…you’ve forgotten how strong you are.’_

_My powerful warrior,_

_You’re right baby, you’re not strong. That word doesn’t do you any justice at all. You are so much more than strong. There are really no adequate words to describe it, but you are tenacious and indestructible my love. Look at what you have done, Alex. You lived through a horrible painful kidney disease, underwent major surgeries, and sat through countless hours of dialysis all while having to watch everyone around you go on with their lives and build a future for themselves that you weren’t guaranteed. But did you just lay down and take it? No. You built your future anyway and you flourished. You became a best-selling author, brave enough to openly spill your emotions on pages for people to read and connect to. You became an even better person… someone who loves passionately and lives courageously, ever moving forward and never looking back. Nothing could ever tear you down. Even in your greatest weaknesses, you are enduring…don’t you ever forget it. But you also are never alone in your tenacity…no matter what happens, I will always be your unwavering pillar of support. Strong on your own, even stronger together. I love you with all my heart my tenacious, indestructible queen._

_Go get em’ baby,_

_Your Marshmallow Knight in Shining Armor that you Totally Don’t Need, but I’m Gonna be for you Anyway_

_Ali folds the letter and carefully puts it back into the box before settling in close to Ashlyn and wrapping an arm around her waist. “You’re wrong, love… losing you would destroy me. But I can be strong for you, baby…and I will be. Tenacious and indestructible for you. I love you so much my perfect marshmallow.” She whispers softly and presses a few gentle kisses to Ashlyn’s cheek, content to just watch her sleep._

_\----_

_“This is nice.” Ali entwines her hand with Ashlyn’s and leans across the console to rest her head on her wife shoulder, feeling Ashlyn kiss her hair a few times. They managed to find a quiet spot where they could drive Ashlyn’s Jeep right up to the shore and watch the waves roll in while they sit in the car._

_“Really nice.” Ashlyn agrees. “So glad I replaced the old Jeep with one where the roof fully comes off.”_

_“Yeah except now I have to slather my Casper in sunscreen.” Ali teases as she reaches to grab the bottle. “Come here you.”_

_Ashlyn can only sit back and smile as Ali practically drowns her very bald head in sunscreen and then moves to her face, ears, and the exposed areas of her neck, loving the way the brunette always takes such good care of her. “Thanks, baby.”_

_“Now put this on for extra protection.” Ali grabs a baseball cap from the backseat and tosses it to her wife. “There, perfect.”_

_“You sure are.” Ashlyn winks at her._

_“Easy cheeseball, just enjoy the waves.” Ali shakes her head and goes back to her comfortable position against Ashlyn’s shoulder._

_Ali closes her eyes as they listen to the ocean, enjoying the peacefulness of the moment when Ashlyn breaks the quiet by softly singing a tune._

_Slide, slide over nice and close_  
Lay your head down on my shoulder  
You can fall asleep I'll let you  
Dream, life ain't nothing but a dream, don't wanna be  
Cruisin' through this dream without you  
  
I don't ever want to wake up,  
Lookin' into someone else's eyes  
Another voice calling me baby  
On the other end of the phone  
A new girl puttin' on her makeup  
Before dinner on Friday night  
No I don't ever wanna know, Oh Oh  
No other shotgun rider, beside me, singin' to the radio

_“Did Ashlyn Harris just sing Tim McGraw?” Ali picks her head up with a smile and looks at her wife in amusement. “Country?! When did this little development happen?”_

_“What? When your body is literally killing itself…you get a little bit country.” Ashlyn shrugs with a smile._

_“Not funny, marshmallow. Way, way too soon…like so soon we can’t even use the word soon yet, too soon.” Ali shoots her a playful glare._

_“Huh?” Ashlyn quirks an eyebrow at her._

_“Never mind, I was trying to be funny about it not being funny.” Ali tries to explain but Ashlyn is still giving her that teasingly blank stare. “Ok, gonna stop before I totally embarrass myself. Good thing you didn’t marry me for my wit.”_

_Nope, I married you for your ass.” Ashlyn smirks. “That, and because you’re a cunning linguist.” She waggles her eyebrows and earns a light smack on the arm._

_“Yeah well I married you for your abs. And those huge hands…cause you know, wanted a wife who could expertly hold basketballs.” Ali lets her own lips curl into a smirk._

_“Obviously. Basketballs are key.” Ashlyn leans in closer and presses her forehead to Ali’s, closing her eyes and just breathing her in for a minute before going in for a deep kiss. She eventually pulls back just enough to meet the brunette’s hooded eyes. “One more time.”_

_“One more, gorgeous. You’re amazing…forever my hero.” Ali replies genuinely, her voice cracking a bit with emotion. Tomorrow marks the last round of chemo…and they made it. They made it._

_The reality is that they still have to make it through six more weeks of radiation. Six more weeks of awful fatigue and a brand new form of torture called ‘radiation dermatitis’ where the skin of Ashlyn’s chest turns deep sunburn red and leathery. Not to mention that she no longer needs a tattoo to commemorate the experience because the hospital provided several in the form of tiny dots and crosses on her chest, sides, and upper abdomen so that the radiation machine could be placed exactly the same every time. But with every one of Ali’s applications of aloe to soothe her hot, angry skin…every hour that passes with the brunette holding ice packs to her chest… Ashlyn smiles more and more, knowing that each one brings them closer to the word they can’t wait to hear. The one they finally hear after 10 months and 14 days of complete hell and that they celebrate the arrival of with a kiss so emotional that neither one will ever forget the way it felt…_

_Remission._

_\------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------_

“Aww my lil fuzzy peach!” Ali can’t help but smile at the various photos where Ashlyn’s hair is growing back over the year following treatment. For quite a while it had been really thin and soft before getting back to normal, only it had a lot more gray in it from that point forward. They had celebrated every growing inch of hair and every pound of weight gain like it was a huge life achievement. It had taken her quite a while, but with a healthy diet and the ability to exercise properly again, Ashlyn had fully bounced back well before the 2 year remission mark. It had actually taken their whole family quite a while to look normal again with all of those bald heads re-growing hair. Life took on a much needed tranquility for the next few of years, a tranquility that saw their family expand again, a tranquility that the two women didn’t take a single minute of for granted.

_“Hi lovebugs! You know the drill, drinks in the fridge, some snacks on the counter. Mama is out on the deck grilling the steaks.” Ali smiles and waves at C.J. and Rosie from behind the kitchen counter where’s putting together a salad._

_“I brought the beer!” C.J. announces and goes to put it in the fridge._

_“I brought dessert.” Rosie adds and holds up the plate in her hands._

_“Since when do you drink beer?” Ashlyn asks as she comes in through the sliding door._

_“Since I decided it would be nice to have a beer with my moms with dinner tonight.” C.J. shrugs and gives Ali a quick hug before going to hug Ashlyn._

_“Sounds nice to me too.” Ashlyn bear hugs him and lifts him off the ground a bit even as he protests. “Hi darling. You look all sparkly.” She compliments Rosie after hugging her too._

_“Sparkly?” Rosie replies._

_“Yeah, I don’t know. You look all lit up.” Ashlyn shrugs. “Did you get a promotion or something?” She asks, knowing how excited Rosie was last year when she got tenure in the chemistry department of the college where she’s a professor._

_“Nope. Must be the dress.” Rosie smiles._

_“Must be that you two got some quality time together before you came over here.” Ali smirks and raises an eyebrow in insinuation, knowing how hard they both work and get little time for much else._

_“Mom!” C.J. exclaims._

_“Oh come on, we all know she’s probably right.” Ashlyn laughs and watches Rosie turn red. “Yep, she nailed it. Confirmed by those Rosie rose cheeks!”_

_“Salad and mashed potatoes are done. How are the steaks and grilled corn?” Ali says in attempt to bail them out by changing the subject._

_“Done and done. Deck table is set. I’m starving, shall we?” Ashlyn motions to the deck._

_“I’ll help bring the rest of the food out.” Rosie offers._

_“I’ll get the beer.” C.J. follows suit._

_“None for you?” Ashlyn asks Rosie as C.J. pops open three bottles of beer and puts them near his, Ali’s and Ashlyn’s plates._

_“God no, I hate beer.” Rosie scrunches up her nose._

_“I have wine inside, can I get you some?” Ali offers._

_“Maybe later, this iced tea is great right now.” Rosie replies and heaps some mashed potatoes on her plate._

_“This is really good beer.” Ashlyn says after taking a sip._

_“Mmhmm.” Ali agrees as she swallows a sip from her own bottle, her eyes going wide when she turns it around to read the label. “Oh my god!!!”_

_“What? What brand is it?” Ashlyn flips her own bottle around to see it: Baby Harris Brewing Co. “Holy shit! Really?!” She pops up out of her chair excitedly as Ali’s hand grips her forearm, looking at C.J. and Rosie who are grinning goofily._

_“Yep, due July 11 th.” C.J. says happily._

_“Eeeeeee! Congratulations!” Ali screeches in elation and goes around the table to hug Rosie while Ashlyn wraps C.J. up in another bear hug._

_“This is amazing! I’m so excited!” Ashlyn repeats a few times before they finally manage to settle back down for dinner which is quickly growing cold._

_“We didn’t even know you were trying.” Ali keeps the conversation going._

_“Well, we kept it quiet because we didn’t want any pressure…but it happened fast. Soooo…” Rosie trails off with a smile._

_“Hmph.” Ashlyn half grunts._

_“What?” Ali asks._

_“Just… so, you two actually conceived by having sex? Fascinating.” Ashlyn chuckles and earns herself a slap on the arm from Ali as C.J.  shakes his head and Rosie turns red again. “Just saying, you obviously didn’t get the Harris memo that we procreate by adoption and artificial insemination only.” She laughs heartily. “But hey, congrats on a new Harris Family record! First natural baby!”_

_“Oh my god, baby. Stop.” Ali rolls her eyes at her wife’s antics._

_“Nah, it’s funny. Sounds like a good lesbian joke to me…” C.J. pipes up. “You know you have two moms when…” He adds and hears Rosie guffaw loudly beside him._

_“Well if we’re gonna tell inappropriate jokes…” Ali joins in. “I was starting to think you two were gonna just build a little robot baby.”_

_“Hmmm, not a bad idea!” C.J. says excitedly at the thought._

_“Oh hell no, don’t you even dream of it!” Rosie warns him._

_“We’re so proud of you and so happy.” Ashlyn gets serious and raises her beer bottle. “To our beautiful new baby Harris who I’m already in love with.”_

_“Banma seconds that!” Ali holds up her own bottle, celebratory clinks cutting through the air just seconds later._

_Debra Alexandra Harris arrives right on her due date of July 11 th, which ends up being very fitting of her personality. As she grows up she is the always punctual, always responsible one that never gets in trouble, a whole lot like C.J. was as a child. She looks almost completely like Rosie, except for two very important features…hazel eyes and single dimple._

\-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Ali had once heard someone say that you could measure a person’s character by the way they treat children, animals, the elderly, and the poor. If that’s true, then she’s surer than ever that Ashlyn Harris is the by far the kindest person on the planet. The picture on this page is the perfect illustration of that… the proof that she married a saint… a deeply loyal, kind, caring, sweet, and self-less person. It had happened on several occasions over that year, Ashlyn dancing with Deb in their living room. It had melted her heart every single time and she’s just glad she got a picture to remember it.

_“What is that smell?” Ashlyn sniffs a few times as she sits at their kitchen counter eating a quick sandwich before she heads back to the restaurant._

_“No idea.” Ali shrugs without looking away from the living room where Sophia and Debbie are watching a Disney movie together._

_“Oh, I put something cooking in the microwave. One of those frozen meals I got at the store, but I haven’t tried it before. Maybe it just smells awful.” Deb motions towards the kitchen._

_Ashlyn turns around, surprised she can’t hear the whirring sound of the microwave only to see that there are little streams of gray smoke coming out of their oven. “Shit.” She runs to turn it off and opens the sliding door and windows before opening the oven door to release the smoke. There is melted plastic and burned food all over the bottom as well as the rack._

_“Baby, I can do this. You go outside.” Ali comes over in a hurry, worried it might spark a panic in her wife._

_“I’m okay, promise.” Ashlyn assures her._

_“Oh, damn. I’m so sorry!” Deb pipes up looking horrified. “I must have gotten confused reading the instructions.”_

_“It’s totally ok. It happens to the best of us. No harm, no foul.” Ashlyn quickly speaks up at the look of fear on Ali’s face, going over to lightly rub Deb’s shoulders. “Everything is fine.”_

_The two women shoot each other a knowing look. Although Deb has had her moments of forgetfulness over the last couple years, it’s happening a lot more frequently after Mike passed away from a stroke earlier this year. As much as they’ve been avoiding it, it’s time to make an appointment._

_The appointment only serves to confirm their fears: Alzheimer’s disease. Still, it’s something concrete and they, along with Kyle and Tan, have a long conversation with the doctors to get a better understanding of what to expect and what they can do. The fact is that they can’t do much but be there for Deb and care for her. It’s only two months before it becomes clear that she can’t live on her own anymore and moves into Ali and Ashlyn’s house. It’s only another four months after that before she starts getting so confused that she doesn’t always remember who they are. She usually seems to remember Ali and Kyle, but everyone else is a toss-up depending on the day._

_“What can I get you to drink, Deb?” Ashlyn asks as they get ready for dinner._

_“I’ll have a glass of sparkling water. But if you’re going to buy me a drink, handsome… I expect to be asked for a dance later.” Deb winks with a flirty smile._

_“One sparkling water coming right up.” Ashlyn smiles back at her._

_“Oh god, baby. I’m so sorry.” Ali whispers to her wife in the kitchen as Ashlyn pours Deb’s drink. Not only does Deb sometimes not remember who Ashlyn is, but there have been a couple times like tonight when she seems to think she’s a guy._

_“It’s totally okay, Alex.” Ashlyn pulls her into a hug._

_“Yeah but it’s so awkward for you.” Ali buries her face into Ashlyn’s neck._

_“Hey…” Ashlyn pulls back to find Ali’s eyes. “Not awkward at all, I promise. If she needs me to be a handsome guy who is gonna sweep her off her feet tonight and dance with her…if that’s what will make her heart happy…then that’s who I’ll be.” She says like it’s the simplest thing in the word._

_“I don’t have words for you…” Ali leans in for a kiss that conveys the overwhelming love she feels for her perfect wife. “Thank you, love.”_

_True to her word, Ashlyn helps Ali clear the dinner table before heading into the living room, putting one of their soft rock playlists, and making her way over to Deb who is sitting on the couch._

_“I see you’re done with that drink now. Can I have a dance?” Ashlyn holds out her hand and watches Deb’s face light up._

_“Well, the truth is that you’re way too young for me and I can see you have a thing for my beautiful daughter, but… you sure can have that dance, handsome.” Deb winks and takes Ashlyn’s hand._

_Ali just stands in the kitchen watching with a full heart as Deb giggles like a schoolgirl while Ashlyn twirls her around their living room._

_The downhill slide gets faster and faster with every passing week. Deb remembers less every day and six months later isn’t even able to get out of bed anymore. Still, with everyone pitching in, they manage to care for her at home right down to the very end when she passes away with one hand held by Kyle and the other by Ali._

_It hurts of course, but there is some peace in Deb’s death that comes with knowing that she isn’t suffering anymore. In truth, it had felt like they lost her a long time ago. And unlike with everyone else, there had been ample time to prepare, to process, and most importantly, to say goodbye._

_\-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------_

“I was never going to get that lucky with you, was I?” Ali uses her finger to trace the outline of a picture of Kyle cutting her hair in the salon while Jade cuts Ashlyn’s right beside them. Everyone laughing about something while Tan can be seen in one of the mirror reflections taking the picture on his phone. “Some people just burn too brightly for this world. That was you…and I was fortunate that I had you at all.” She whispers. It was such a fun night, one that reminded her of nights spent together when they were much younger, filled with laughing at inappropriate jokes and relentless banter. It was the last picture they would ever take together and only a few nights before their last conversation.

_“Now that, little queen, is how you do it!” Kyle announces as puts the finishing touches on Debbie’s nail polish and watches her walk away proudly._

_“It’s still not fair that you’re better at that than I am.” Ali teases, watching her granddaughter go show off her nails to her two friends that are sleeping over._

_“You’re a best-selling author, booboo. So, give me this one.” Kyle nudges her._

_“Yeah, yeah, alright.” Ali rolls her eyes._

_“At least we both married totally hotties who are outside being all butch and fixing your car.” Kyle chuckles when Ali nods vigorously in agreement. “Mine does have better abs though…”_

_“Please, the fact that Ashlyn can even rival Tan’s abs is saying something…but, if you’re gonna play that game…” Ali smiles smugly. “Mine has better tattoos and better hair.”_

_“Touché.” Kyle throws his hands up in defeat._

_“Can I ask you a personal question?” Ali says after Debbie walks back into the kitchen to kiss Kyle on the cheek, clearly happy with her friends’ reaction to her nails._

_“Of course.” Kyle replies easily._

_“How come you and Tan never did the kid thing?” Ali asks matter-of-factly before adding some explanation to soften it. “I mean…you just always used to say you wanted a big family when we were younger. I’ve just always wondered.”_

_“I did want that at one point.” Kyle nods in confirmation. “But then at some point I pretty much got it and I was content with what I had…thanks to you.”_

_“Me? Why?” Ali looks at him quizzically._

_“We’ve always been so close, so open with each other and so deeply in each other’s lives. I love that so much… it’s given me more than I ever expected.” Kyle tries to explain._

_“I love that too, babes.” Ali gives him a side hug. “Not sure I totally follow though.”_

_“Your family is it, Alex. You and Ash built this amazingly beautiful family. And you made me such a part of it, you know? It feels like my own, always has.” Kyle admits. “I mean…Jade…”_

_“Has always been as much yours and Tan’s and mine and Ash’s.” Ali finishes for him with a warm smile and watches him nod._

_“It’s that deep with all of you, of course… but that princess has an extra special place in my heart.” He confesses._

_“She’s your sassy lil mini me.” Ali agrees. “You know, I really couldn’t have done any of it without you.”_

_“Sure you could have.” Kyle waves her off. “But you didn’t. And that’s what I’m most grateful for. I didn’t have kids because I already have a big family just like I wanted. My heart feels full and happy in that.  And you know I don’t like to mess with perfection.” He smiles at her._

_“And now I’m crying.” Ali fans her eyes, but it’s too late._

_“Oh geez, Oprah moment. Shake it off. Come on.” Kyle pulls her by the hand towards the stairs._

_“Where are we going?” Ali questions._

_“To fix your mascara.” Kyle says matter-of-factly. “Those two hotties of ours are about to walk back into this house all greasy and sexy… and we’ll be waiting with cold lemonade, looking positively done up and ready to get laid.”_

_“I love the way you think.” Ali smirks._

_“Of course you do, it’s genetic!” Kyle pulls her up the stairs._

_The call comes two days later… he was on his way into the salon that morning and had a heart attack, his car crashing head-on into a highway barrier. He might have survived the heart attack or the accident, but not both together._

_Ali is absolutely gutted. They all are. In many ways, it feels like their family has lost its color…the person who unfailingly brought the most lightness and vibrancy to their lives, suddenly gone. Everything now gray in his absence. She replays their last conversation in her head over and over again that first week without him. Part of it makes her feel happy, part of makes her feel so broken…like a piece of her heart will always be missing now. She watches Tan and Jade spend countless hours at the salon, trying to hold onto every little bit of him they can. Ashlyn and the rest of the kids rally around the three of them, doing everything they can to provide comfort and lighten the load even though they are hurting too._

_Still, the heaviness only seems to get worse each day and it gets harder and harder to even get up, so many little things in her day that remind her of him feeling too daunting to face. They did so much together that nothing seems the same anymore no matter how hard she tries. Last night, Ashlyn came home from helping Tan donate some of Kyle’s belongings to find her still in her pajamas and in bed, just like she had been that morning. Ashlyn didn’t say a word and just held her closely all night, but Ali could see the deeply concerned look on her face._

_She knows she needs to pull herself together, but she’s not sure how until she wakes up the next morning to the sound of Ashlyn in the shower and her eyes catch the familiar wooden box sitting on the bottom shelf of her nightstand. ‘Open when…You need a reason to get out of bed on a tough day.’_

_My sweet, soulful, Alex,_

_Get up out of the bed right now and go to the mirror. Really, do it. Get up, I’ll wait…_

_Ali feels a bit silly, but she follows the directions and quietly sneaks into the bathroom. She puts her hands on either side of the sink and looks into the mirror for a second before looking back down at the letter._

_See, look at that…you’re out of bed! Already crushing this getting out of bed on a tough day thing! Look at your gorgeous self…remember who you are. Powerful, passionate, tenacious, indestructible, brave, and most importantly, so incredibly loved. I have no idea what could be making it so hard for you to get up and go about your day as energetically as you always do. But I can tell you this....I need you, Alex. I will always need you. And I’m pretty confident that I’m not the only one that feels that way… we need you. I hope that is all the reason you need to get out of bed today…and tomorrow… and every day after that. I love you and I’m here right beside you every step of the way, in bed or not._

_Love,_

_Your Marshmallow that will drag your ass out of those warm sheets and into a cold shower (really, don’t make me do it)_

_Ali folds the letter and goes to put it back into the box before heading back into the bathroom, taking off her pjs, and quietly slipping into the shower._

_“Al?” Ashlyn jumps a bit at the feel of Ali’s arms around her waist, warm skin pressing against her front as she washes her hair with her eyes closed. “You ok?”_

_“Show me how much you need me.” Ali whispers into Ashlyn’s ear. “Please, love. Show me.” Her fingers run along the back of Ashlyn’s neck as she pulls her into a heated kiss._

_That is what it takes to find her strength again. To deeply reconnect with the one thing that never changes, that is never broken, that needs the two of them to be complete and whole. It’s a concrete reminder of all that is good, the very center from which so many things stem…things that are important and that need her as much as she needs them. It’s this moment that makes her able to pull it together not just for herself, but for Tan and Jade who need her the most._

_\----_

_Tan copes a bit better than expected. He has his low moments, but he and Kyle have always had a very solid network of family and close friends and Tan hasn’t been hesitant at all in calling on them when he needs it. He focuses a lot on his relationship with Jade because she makes him feel closest to Kyle and he becomes a regular at Harris family dinners even when it’s just with Ali and Ashlyn._

_“How are you doing? I mean, really doing?” Ali asks Tan when it’s just her and Ashlyn eating dinner with him around their counter one night about two months after Kyle died._

_“I have my times where it’s rough, but mostly I’m ok.” Tan reveals and lets out a little sigh. “I just always remind myself that he left in a way that was very Kyle. I tell myself that it wasn’t a coincidence and the universe had bigger plans.”_

_“What do you mean?” Ashlyn tries to understand, seeing that Ali looks as lost as she does._

_“I mean, he left the same way he always left a room. A little bit of dramatic flair with no true goodbye…just unapologetically himself until you saw him the next time.” Tan shrugs slightly with a tight smile._

_“Wow, you’re right. I never thought of it that way.” Ali smiles a bit thinking about all the little goodbyes she and Kyle shared over a lifetime…he really wasn’t one to actually utter the word ‘goodbye’ very often._

_“I really not religious and I couldn’t tell you what I think happens when we die, but I gotta say…I’m hoping for one of those flamboyant, exuberant Kyle greetings that always followed those exits.” Tan laughs lightly._

_“Us too.” Ashlyn grins at the thought and rubs Ali’s back as the brunette nods with her own smile._

_For Jade, Kyle’s death becomes an awakening. Being a natural nurturer, her focus is on making sure everyone else is happy and rarely ever on herself. She has a tendency to settle into a routine and become comfortable there. But with all the emotions that come with losing Kyle, she finds herself thinking more deeply about her accomplishments and what she wants in life. And though it doesn’t end up amounting to a lot of changes in the end, it does bring about one big one._

_Nearly a year after Kyle’s death, there are two new members of the Harris Family. Three-year old Declan is adopted by Jade and Lane. Then, having always wanted to do it themselves and knowing that doing so alongside Jade and Lane will make it more meaningful, C.J. and Rosie adopt five-year old Jameson. The two boys bring some much needed energy back to their family and ensure that Ashlyn and Ali will have plenty of babysitting to keep them busy in the coming years._

\-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Ali turns page after page, admiring how the cycle restarts with every generation. Sophia and Debbie growing from toddlers to teenagers and then into little adults with every picture. Meanwhile the cycle starts back at the beginning for Jameson and Declan who are only now just starting to approach the teen years. It’s almost surreal to think about how they’ve already done this with their own kids and now it’s their grandchildren. The fact that Sophia is technically old enough to give them a great grandbaby is mind blowing.

Ali’s eyes linger on a picture of her and Ashlyn at Debbie’s high school graduation less than three months ago. The two of them stand with arms around their granddaughter who smiles happily between them with her blue cap and gown, a Harvard University pin on her lapel to symbolize where she will be going in September. You’d never know it from their proud smiles and shining eyes that life had just thrown them a major curveball, one that will inevitably end in a strikeout.  Still, her eyes stay on this picture despite the fact that it has been at least ten minutes now, not able to turn the page because the next page is the last one.

“Hey Mom, brought you dinner.” Derek interrupts with a light knock on the door, C.J. right behind him holding a tray.

Ali puts the scrapbook aside, glad for the timely distraction. Her eyes glance up at the digital clock in the room, 7:24pm, and just like that another day is pretty much gone as time slips away like quicksand.

“Thank you, lovebugs.” She gives them a little smile.

“I kept it really simple like I promised.” Derek takes the tray from C.J. and puts it on her lap. “Grilled cheese and tomato soup, and iced tea too.”

“That actually sounds pretty good.” Ali admits, her body feeling pretty drained and like it could use the boost of energy.

“I’ll get Mama.” C.J. says quietly and sets to work flushing her IV port and getting it hooked up to a parenteral nutrition bag of fluids. “Her catheter bag looks fine, should be good until the nurse is here in the morning.”

“Thank you, honey.” Ali gets out in a strangled little whisper. When the hospice nurse had asked if anyone wanted to learn some of the basics of caring for Ashlyn at home, all three kids had stepped right up to the plate and made both women cry a bit in their eagerness to help. Being so good with his hands and all things technical, C.J. had the most skill with it by far and had taken on the lion’s share of duties.

“How was the day?” Derek asks as Ali eats, taking his usually spot in the chair next to Ashlyn’s side of the bed and holding her hand now that C.J. is done.

“Ok, I think.” Ali shrugs. “Her breathing seemed a little slower at times, but mostly steady. Some eye flutters, but they never opened. She moved her arms and legs slightly a couple times…that was just before the pain medication.” She sighs deeply. “I just…the thought of her in pain and us not really knowing…”

“We know, Mom.” C.J. sits on the end of the bed next to her and rubs her shoulder lightly. “She was having pain when she could still tell us though and the medication always took care of it. So, I’d like to think that it’s having the same effect.” He tries to reassure her a gets a nod.

Ali eats her food quietly for a while, enjoying the company of her sons even if they aren’t engaged in conversation. She looks back up at the clock again when she finishes her last bite of sandwich, 7:51pm.

“Jameson’s bedtime is 8:30pm, you better get going.” She says to C.J.

“Oh, well he’s a big boy and Rosie and Debbie are home.” C.J. waves her off.

“Absolutely not. You get home to them and get that goodnight in.” Ali implores him. “Trust me, those goodnights over in the blink of an eye, enjoy it while you can. Mama would tell you the same.”

“Yeah, ok.” C.J. gives in. “I’ll be back mid-morning tomorrow.” He promises before giving both of his mothers a kiss and Derek a side hug on his way out.

“So, get real with me. How’s our queen doing?” Derek meets Ali’s eyes.

“Me? Queen? You get real.” Ali playfully scoffs. “Old maid maybe.”

“No way. Mama was always right about that, you are definitely our queen. Always have been.” Derek smiles. “Really, what’s going on in that royal head of yours?”

“I miss her. So much it aches.” Ali says sadly. “I’m scared…I don’t know if I can do this. I already can’t let go and she’s still here. How do I let go of my heart and expect to go on?” She asks rhetorically. “And I just wish…” She pauses and takes a deep breath. “I wish I could have seen this coming…” She motions to Ashlyn. “I just wish I had been able to say…more.” She stops short of letting the word ‘goodbye’ leave her mouth.

“She never would have let you say goodbye.” Derek doesn’t shy away from the topic.

“What do you mean?” Ali questions.

“Honestly, I’m pretty sure she knew this was coming.” He motions to Ashlyn. “She said her goodbyes, her own way.”

“Really?” Ali’s eyes go a little wide.

“Yeah, the last day she was awake…” Derek swallows hard. “All of us had been in here at various points that day…”

Ali nods, knowing that before Ashlyn lost consciousness the kids had been pretty good at convincing her to take breaks while they spent time with their Mama.

“She just… she made sure we knew how much she loves us, how proud she is. She wanted to make sure we knew how successful we are, how strong we are, how capable we are of raising great families and doing great things. I don’t know, it’s just like she wanted us to know how much she believes in us so that we always carry that and move forward together.” Derek explains. “I thought maybe she was just having that conversation with me, but then we were all talking and, it turns out, she had it with all of us that day. No goodbye though…she was never gonna say goodbye.”

“She’s right.” Ali nods, letting a tear escape. “You guys are all those things. Successful, strong, capable, amazing individuals that we couldn’t be prouder of.”

“We learned from the best.” Derek smiles at her.

“She never had that kind of conversation with me.” Ali says in a tiny voice. “Not that she had to because so much was said without words between us, but I just wonder…”

“She must have had her reasons.” Derek muses with a little frown. “I doubt she’d leave you without something. Think hard about the last few days. I think maybe you’ll realize she said or did something.” He suggests, not sure what else to say.

“Yeah, you’re right. My mind has just been…” Ali trails off, not needing to finish the statement. “Speaking of, I need to get some rest and it’s getting late for you. Get home to Ana.”

“Anything I can do before I head out?” Derek asks, knowing he’s being dismissed for the night.

“Just stay with her a couple minutes while I use the bathroom?” Ali requests and gets a nod.

Derek watches Ali get up and head to the bathroom, watching the door close. He leans in close to Ashlyn’s face and kisses her cheek. “Come on Mama, I know you didn’t leave her hanging. You always told me to never leave anything unsaid to the person who owns your heart…you taught me that. You got this, Harley…I know you do. I love you so much, Mama.” He finishes quickly as the bathroom door opens.

“Thanks, sweetheart.” Ali walks over and gives Derek a tight hug. “See you tomorrow?”

“Count on it. Love you.” Derek kisses Ali’s cheek and helps her get back into the bed before leaning down to kiss Ashlyn again. “Finish strong.” He whispers in her ear like he does every night, the words she always spoke to him during every one of his basketball games.

\----

As soon as Derek is gone, Ali sets the scrapbook back on her lap and lets her eyes linger on Debbie’s high school graduation picture again. She needs to just rip the band-aid off and turn the page, but all she can think about is how fast it all happened.

_“Baby, can you come look at something?” Ashlyn calls from the bathroom while Ali freshens her makeup, the two of them getting ready to head out to Jameson’s little league game._

_“Sure, what’s up?” Ali asks as she walks in, finding her wife topless and looking into the mirror._

_“This doesn’t look right, huh?” Ashlyn gently holds her right breast._

_Ali takes a closer look, finding the skin and nipple quite red and almost a bit swollen. “Yeah, it looks like a rash or even something infected.” She runs her hand over it lightly and sees Ashlyn wince. “Does it hurt?”_

_“Yeah, it’s sore.” Ashlyn replies. “It started last week, but it just looked like a slight heat rash or something and didn’t bother me. I kept putting ointment on it, but now it is kinda feeling hot and it hurts.”_

_“Ash, you should’ve said something. I’m calling the doctor before we go. I wonder if it might be some infection from the old surgery sites or something.” Ali says seriously and Ashlyn just nods._

_Stage 4 Inflammatory Breast Cancer. They both sit there a bit dumbfounded as the words come out of Dr. Dennison’s mouth even though he told them just by looking at it last week that this was a very likely possibility before all the tests confirmed it._

_“A different kind?” Ali’s voice comes out first. This year would have marked 21 years in remission and she feels blindsided. Despite the routine check-ups every so often, deep down she knows they got complacent._

_“Yes, not uncommon to have a different kind of breast cancer the second time, especially when you are genetically predisposed to it.” Dr. Dennison says evenly. “This is one of the rarest forms, and unfortunately, also very aggressive.” He doesn’t mince words._

_“Stage 4.” Ashlyn states without asking a question._

_“Yes.” He says flatly. “Scans show it in both breasts. Your lungs, liver, and a section of your right ribcage affected as well. It has metastasized.”_

_“How long?” Ashlyn asks even as Ali’s mouth falls open._

_“With no treatment, likely 2 months. This is beyond surgery, but with chemotherapy, maybe 4 months at best. I need to be clear here that treatment at this stage is just to extend life a bit longer, it won’t be a cure. I’m very sorry.” Dr. Dennison says sympathetically as he clenches his hands together. Having gone through it the first time with them, he truly feels awful to see them back here like this. This has always been the hardest part of his job, and he won’t miss it at all when he retires next year._

_“Ok.” Ashlyn says simply, reaching to rub Ali’s arm when she feels the vice-like grip on her hand._

_“Do you have questions?” Dr. Dennison asks._

_“No. Alex?” Ashlyn checks in with Ali, but gets nothing but a glazed over look. “I think we just need some time.”_

_“Of course. You know I’m always here.” He says kindly. “I’m leaving you with these two binders of information. One with all the chemo treatment options, the other… all the other resources you might need. Uh…just let me know what you need when you need it. Again, I’m very sorry.” He gets a small nod from Ashlyn and leaves the room._

_“It’s ok, love.” Ashlyn kisses Ali’s hand and uses her strength to help pull the brunette to her feet. “Come on, let’s go home.”_

_The drive is silent, hands just tightly held over the console as Ashlyn navigates the roads home. The silence lingers well into the afternoon as they lay wrapped up together on the oversized chaise on the deck, listening to the ocean and stealing kisses._

_“Are you going to talk to me?” Ashlyn finally breaks the quiet as green-swirled hazel finds cinnamon._

_“I just don’t know what to say.” Ali mumbles quietly, feeling guilty amid a bunch of other emotions over her inability to be strong right now for her wife. Her wife who is dying. Dying even as they sit there._

_“Try.” Ashlyn insists._

_“I’m heartbroken. I’m terrified. I’m lost. I’m angry at the universe. And I’m a total asshole for not pulling my shit together for you right now.” Ali sighs. “I’m sorry, Ash…promise I’ll get it together. I just… fuck… I love you. I love you so fucking much and I’m shattered inside.”_

_“Hey…” Ashlyn pulls Ali’s face into her neck and strokes her hair. “It’s ok, Al. You’re allowed to be all of those things…except for the asshole one. You’re not an asshole and I don’t need you to pull it together. I just need you to feel whatever you feel and just be open with me about it, ok?”_

_“Ok.” Ali nods into Ashlyn’s chest. “Ash…” It comes out strangled, uncontrollable sobs coming out with it._

_“I know, Alex. It fucking sucks, I know.” Ashlyn lets her own tears fall as she holds Ali tight. She waits until the sobs die down before pulling back to find the brunette’s puffy red eyes. “Can you give me an honest answer to something?”_

_“Always, love.” Ali nods._

_“What do you think I should…”Ashlyn takes a deep breath and tries again. “Do you have a strong preference for what I do?”_

_“No.” Ali answers immediately. “No, baby. I don’t have one at all. This choice is just for you and what you feel. I…I just want you to do this your way. Whatever way that is. I’m here beside you and I fully support you no matter what.” She says earnestly, finding some strength in those words. As chaotic and unhinged as everything feels right now, this is one thing she’s sure about. Ashlyn needs to be the one to make the decision about treatment…to decide on her own terms how she is going to leave this world._

_“I love you, Alex. God do I love you… with everything, literally everything I have loves you. You know that right?” Ashlyn asks in an emotional voice._

_“Yes, marshmallow.” Ali smiles at her. “You’ve made that very clear for almost half a century and I couldn’t love you more for it.”_

_“Good.” Ashlyn smiles and gazes at her seriously. “Thank you…promise I won’t take too long to decide.”_

_“You take whatever time you need and talk to me about it if you want to. Whatever you need.” Ali reaches up to stroke her cheeks._

_“Can I take you to dinner? Like get all dressed up and take you somewhere nice?” Ashlyn asks with sudden animation._

_“You sure can, handsome marshmallow.” Ali leans in for a soft kiss. “You never have to ask permission to sweep me off my feet while you look all sexy in a suit. You in a suit does things to me, you know that.” She winks._

_“Still?” Ashlyn quirks an eyebrow._

_“Please, honey… always. It never fails.” Ali breaks out into a nose crinkling grin when she sees the single dimple appear on her wife’s face. “Of course, you never needed a suit.” Ali waggles her eyebrows and stands up, making sure to sway her hips as she heads into the house._

_“Alexandra! You dirty old lady!” Ashlyn calls out in pretend shock as she gets up to catch up to her. “I love it.” She taps Ali’s ass as soon as she gets close._

_“You get ready in the guest bathroom. I want to see your jaw hit the floor when you see which dress I pick.” Ali instructs with a smirk._

_“Dear lord.” Ashlyn whispers. “See, now this is how I wanna go. Hot wife in a little black dress, heart failure, boom done.” She jokes._

_“Way too soon, marshmallow.” Ali warns playfully._

_“There’s no time for too soon.” Ashlyn shrugs._

_“Fair point.” Ali sighs. “Well too soon or not, I can tell you that you definitely don’t want to go anywhere before that little black dress hits the bedroom floor tonight.” She captures Ashlyn’s lips in a deep kiss before pulling away and leaving her with hooded eyes at the bottom of the stairs._

_“Fuck.” Ashlyn breathes out, part of her ever amazed that they’re still so sexually active at this age._

_“Yep. That’s the part I’m really hoping you hang around for.” Ali says over her shoulder as she climbs the stairs still swaying her hips._

_Ashlyn is sure of her decision that night as Ali lays sleeping in her arms, both of them spent, sated. Tonight felt a whole lot like the first time they slept together, a deep love and desperation behind every touch, knowing that a goodbye is looming. When she’s sure Ali is sleeping soundly, Ashlyn gently disentangles herself from her wife, her feet stepping on her carelessly discarded suit jacket and Ali’s dress from earlier in the night as she makes her way to their home office. It takes less than an hour to make the booking before she’s back in bed pressed against Ali’s warm skin, her eyes finally closing as her mind finds some calm._

_Ali wakes up to the smell of pancakes, walking into the kitchen to find Ashlyn busy at the stovetop griddle._

_“Good morning, gorgeous.” Ali wraps her arms around Ashlyn’s waist and kisses along her jawline from behind._

_“Good morning, angel.” Ashlyn smiles and turns her head for a proper kiss._

_“Chocolate chip?” Ali says as she peeks at the pancakes. “What’s the occasion?”_

_“Well for starters, I’m sure as hell not worrying about cholesterol and diabetes anymore.” Ashlyn chuckles lightly and feels Ali pinch her side. “And…I booked a trip.” She says more seriously._

_“You booked a trip?” Ali questions._

_“Yeah.” Ashlyn points to the counter at a couple of printed pages._

_Ali goes over to have a look, finding airline tickets and a hotel booking. They leave in 5 days, just after Debbie’s high school graduation. The destination is clear, Ushuaia, Argentina… and she knows in her gut what Ashlyn’s decision is._

_Ali walks back over and wraps her arms around her wife from behind again, kissing the back of her neck softly a few times. “I love you Ash, from the end to the beginning and back again.”_

_“I love you too, forever and a day.” Ashlyn whispers back. “And a day.” She repeats before leaning back further into Ali’s embrace, closing her eyes and breathing her in, melting into the arms holding her close…stopping everything to fully appreciate the moment because there are only so many left._

_\--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------_

“For what it’s worth, I think you made the best choice, love.” Ali takes a minute to gently stroke Ashlyn’s face, lightly tracing her eyebrows and eyelashes with her fingers. “I know you hated not having hair.” She runs her fingers through the hair that Jade perfectly styled today, all gray where it once was light brown. “You are beautiful just the same to me hair or no hair, but I know this made you happier inside. You really are gorgeous, you know that? From day one… never saw anyone as stunning as you, ever. You’re perfect. And somehow you’re mine. I’m lucky, always have been.” She leans down to place a kiss on Ashlyn’s forehead before finding the willpower to turn to the last page of the scrapbook, the one they made together just last month.

The two pictures on the page knock the breath out of her every time she looks at them. They make her heart ache, both good and bad…in love and in sadness. In both pictures they sit on that same dock at the end of the world, just like they did so many years ago at the start of the journey. In the first one, it’s just their backs as they look out over the ocean. Ashlyn has an arm around Ali’s shoulders while the brunette leans into her.  The second is a profile shot, the two of them facing each other and locked in a kiss… a kiss that marks coming to peace with the end of the journey, of getting from the end to the beginning and back again.

_“You cold?” Ali asks, feeling Ashlyn tremble a bit even through their warm coats as they sit huddled together on the same dock in Argentina that they sat on decades ago. Everything looks the same in an oddly calming way… little boats anchored in the little harbor near the same quaint looking seaside houses with the same breathtaking mountains looming behind them. The wood of the dock is still the same as she remembers, well-worn but not rotting or splintered._

_“No.” Ashlyn shakes her head._

_“Tired?” Ali presses._

_“No. It’s just…” Ashlyn takes a breath. “It’s just so real right now.”_

_“You can tell me, love. It’s ok.” Ali reassures her, knowing what comes next._

_“All this time…I’ve always kind of been a little mad at Gram.” Ashlyn confesses for the first time out loud, letting her heart speak._

_“Gram? Why?” Ali asks, surprised by the sudden revelation and not sure where Ashlyn is going with this._

_“Yeah. As much as I respected her choice, I always thought it was a cop out for her not to try. ‘Keep fighting, stop struggling’…I thought she said that to make herself feel better. I mean, how could you call it fighting if you weren’t struggling and clawing to get every single day, you know?” Ashlyn asks rhetorically and feels Ali entwine their hands._

_“I finally get it now. The chemo… that wasn’t really living. That was, I don’t know. It was like dying to try to live, if that makes sense. And now, it would be dying to die less quickly I guess. The outcome is the same no matter the struggle. And that’s the fight. The fight is living every damn minute with light and love…to be your best self… to enjoy all the little things, the people who fill your heart. The fight is accepting that it will end and making the most of what is left. That’s a hard fight…not a cop out at all. But to struggle by putting yourself through hell because you can’t accept the end, living at your worst and not able to enjoy the things in front of you because you’re dying to die less quickly…how cowardly and fruitless really. I finally get what she was saying. Keep fighting, stop struggling. I get it. I can’t believe I was mad at her all this time.” Ashlyn explains before finding Ali’s eyes. “I’m picking the fight, Al…not the struggle.”_

_“You’re beautiful, love. Every tiny little piece of you.” Ali reaches to hold her face. “I admire you for all you are, always have. And I love you with all my heart. I’m here for every second of the fight… until the last breath, the last heartbeat…until the final period is inked in the chapter. Here today, here now, here until the end… give everything. Ok?”_

_“Give everything.” Ashlyn repeats and captures the brunette’s lips passionately, nothing left to speak as the raw emotions flow through their most powerful kiss ever._

_“How do you feel?” Ali asks as they pull away breathlessly, curling herself back into Ashlyn’s side._

_“Relieved. Peaceful.” Ashlyn pauses for a second. “Really happy to be here with you and proud.”_

_“Proud?” Ali asks curiously._

_“Yeah. That we actually made it back here.” Ashlyn smiles. “I mean, in my heart I always believed we would. But people make so many promises that get broken, and life just happens sometimes. Not us though… we didn’t fuck it up. We did this. We loved so damn hard and we made it back here, just like we said we would.”_

_“You’re right, baby. It’s pretty amazing isn’t it?” Ali kisses her cheek. “We fulfilled dreams, built careers and funded charities, raised some wonderful kids, saw the world together, and kicked life’s ass really. So much happened, so much changed in our lives…but never your heart, Ash. Your heart, your love was always the same. You’ve always looked at me with same intensity as day one and I couldn’t be more grateful for that. Made it so that we could grow up without ever growing apart. I never doubted us for a second. I always knew I’d get back to the end with you.”_

_“We really did live the life.” Ashlyn says contently. “I truly have no regrets and nothing more I could ask for. I love you, Al.”_

_“Correction, we’re still living the life.” Ali smiles and kisses Ashlyn softly. “I love you too, Ash. And I’m pretty sure we can find a few more things to ask for, right?” She winks._

_“Ha, right, beautiful. You’re always right.” Ashlyn chuckles._

_“You know it. Know what else I was right about?” Ali smiles smugly._

_“What’s that?” Ashlyn inquires._

_“That you’d be just as much of a marshmallow when we finally made it back here as you were the first time. You didn’t disappoint my sappy dork.” Ali teases, bringing them back to the comfortable banter that has defined their connection from the start._

_“Whatever, nerd.” Ashlyn nudges her. “For the record, I was right too.”_

_“Oh yeah, about what?” Ali asks with a quirked eyebrow._

_“You’re just as beautiful now as you were then. So damn beautiful, Hello Kidney. Look at you, baby… gorgeous queen.” Ashlyn goes in for a sweet kiss._

_“Right back at you. But I’m drowning in your marshmallow goo…better go grab that life preserver ring over there, babe.” Ali jokingly motions to the one hanging from the dock railing._

_“Oh I definitely plan to grab something.” Ashlyn smirks. “Come on, time to go get warm in my favorite way. Like you said, we have some more things we could ask for… let’s go ask for ‘em.” She waggles her eyebrows._

_“Please, like you ever had to ask. Come on, limpy…I’ll race you back to the room. Loser has to massage the winner.” Ali helps pull Ashlyn up and takes off in a run without warning._

_“Not fair, track star!” Ashlyn calls out after her with a smile. Their running looks a whole lot more like a slow-motion jog these days, but she’ll purposely lose this race like she has every single time over the years and for the same reason… because the ass in front of her is still too perfect to resist._

\---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Ali lets out a deep breath and closes the scrapbook, placing it on the bedside table and clicking the button on the little remote control that turns off the main light in their room. She leaves the bedside lamp on, unable to sleep in the dark anymore because she starts to panic if she isn’t able to see Ashlyn’s face anytime she opens her eyes. She sees that the fluid bag is empty now and reaches over to unhook the IV line running into the port on Ashlyn’s left hand before applying some lip balm to help soothe her wife’s chapped lips.

She takes a minute to study Ashlyn’s face before leaning down to kiss her cheek. “I hope you’re dreaming of wonderful things, love.” She whispers softly. “And I hope some are of me… so you know just how much l love you. Sweet dreams, baby.” She settles her face near Ashlyn’s and puts her hand in the middle of her chest like usual, taking comfort in the fact that the heartbeat under her fingers is still strong despite the fact that her breathing seems a bit labored right now.

Ali tries so hard not to cry, but five minutes later the tears fall uncontrollably like every night over the past few days.  Her heart hurts so much that her mind wanders to how her life was supposed to go before Ashlyn’s Harris walked in and changed it.

She was never meant to see age 40, let alone age 80. And that would have been okay because there would never have been the hurt of losing all the people she loved the most. Right now all she can be thankful for is that she has managed to outlive her kids so far at least. The thing is, Ashlyn Harris did walk into her life… wonderful, perfect, Ashlyn Harris…who changed every single thing and made it beautiful in her wake. And now she’s leaving and it isn’t fair. It wasn’t supposed to be like this.

“Fuck you and your fucking super kidney!” Ali yells out in a strangled sob, letting her hand tap Ashlyn’s chest hard. At 49 years, they’re not the longest living kidney transplant pair. A few sibling pairs around the world have them beat by a couple years, but they’re still in the top ten and the only married couple. Ali’s heart battles to try and settle on an emotion as she cries steadily, hurting and angry at their current predicament, but happy in knowing that it was all worth it.

“Well that’s not nice.” Ashlyn’s raspy voice fills the room.

“Ash?” Ali’s head pops up almost violently, her eyes quickly finding green-swirled hazel. “Oh my god, Ashlyn!”

“Hi.” Ashlyn smiles at her. “You’re too beautiful to cry, pretty girl.”

“Am I dreaming?” Ali asks in desperation, partially not caring if she is, but hopeful that she isn’t.

“I don’t know. Not unless I am, I guess. I feel like I just woke up, so I don’t think I’m dreaming. But you always look like a dream, so not sure.” Ashlyn rambles in a soft mumble.

“Shhh, it’s ok. Are you ok?” Ali gently holds her wife’s face, her heart pounding, her stomach in nervous knots.

“Uh… yes? No? I’m not really sure.” Ashlyn tries to answer. “What’s with all the questions?”

“I’m sorry, love. I’m sorry.” Ali feels her nervous energy raise to a higher level. This is the moment she was hoping for with all her heart… one more moment of consciousness, of lucid thought, of swirled-green hazel eyes and a single dimple. The moment she didn’t think she was actually going to get. One more moment to leave nothing left unsaid. And she’s blowing it as the seconds tick by and she can’t find any meaningful words.

“I’m kidding, Al.” Ashlyn smiles lovingly. “How long was I asleep?”

“Days.” Ali answers sadly and sees Ashlyn’s face grimace. “Doesn’t matter. You’re here now.”

“I’m here now, baby.” Ashlyn repeats and finds Ali’s hand, playing with her fingers.

“I’m so happy you’re here. I didn’t think…I…I missed you, Ash. I love you so much.” Ali squeaks out as a couple more tears fall.

“I know, angel. I could feel you. I have no idea where I was, but I could feel you. I love you too.” Ashlyn’s eyes hold nothing but truth, passion, and intense love, just like always. She pulls Ali closer and finds the strength to hold her even though her arms are feeling heavy and almost rubbery.

“Does it hurt?” Ali asks quietly.

“My heart does, no way around that.” Ashlyn hugs her a little tighter. “Sometimes there is pain, right now no. Mostly it just feels… not right. I don’t know how else to describe it.”

“My heart hurts too.” Ali admits. “So you knew that you were…” She gets cut off by her wife.

“Going to La La land, yeah kinda.” Ashlyn finishes for her.

Ali nods and lets out a deep sigh. “How come you didn’t say… to me… you did with everyone else… but to me, you didn’t say…” She can get herself to speak the word.

“Because I couldn’t bring myself to do it, Alex. Just like the first time I left you…I couldn’t do it. I’m sorry.” Ashlyn confesses. “So I just promised myself it wasn’t goodbye, just like that first time. And here I am… really glad I didn’t fuck this one up.” She chuckles softly, her breathing tight and raspy sounding.

“Don’t be sorry, baby. I couldn’t either. I’m glad you didn’t. I was just wondering.” Ali replies and leans in for a soft kiss.

“That was really nice. Do it again.” Ashlyn gives her a dimpled smile.

“You never have to ask.” Ali kisses her again, this time more deeply. It only last a few seconds though before Ashlyn is laboring to breathe. “Sorry, love.”

“Never ever apologize for taking my breath away, beautiful.” Ashlyn grips her tighter again, giving herself a couple minutes to focus on getting air into her lungs. “Everyone’s ok?” She asks quietly.

“Yeah, sweetheart. Every last kiddo is good, promise you.” Ali assures her.

“Good.” Ashlyn closes her eyes for just a second and opens them to find warm, loving, gorgeous, cinnamon again. “Alex, this was everything. All of it… giving everything… it was worth every single second and then some. I love you with all my heart, my whole being… every heartbeat is for you…every one of them, just for you. Thank you, my beautiful angel.”

“No, love. Thank you.” Ali presses her forehead to her wife’s, cheeks wet from tears. “Never has a more wonderful, beautiful, perfect person walked this earth than you… and you chose my heart to steal, me to give your heart to, and me to spend forever with. You’re so right, baby… it was worth every second … and I’m so lucky and so grateful for all of it, for you. I love you so much it hurts.”

“Don’t forget my fucking super kidney, as you so nicely put it.” Ashlyn chuckles lightly again. “Perfect match.”

“Especially thankful for that. Perfect match, love.” Ali smiles and kisses her nose and hears Ashlyn take a couple really deep breaths, pulling away a bit to look at her.

“You’re so beautiful, Alex. Don’t want to close my eyes…I think… I need to go…I don’t want to, but everything feels like it’s… pulling…” Ashlyn gets out through deep breathing, her eyes fluttering a bit but staying open.

“I know, love. It’s ok, Ash. It’s ok. I’m here with you.” Ali’s tears fall freely. “I just can’t….I can’t say goodbye.”

“Then don’t, baby. Just kiss me goodnight….just kiss me goodnight, Alex.” Ashlyn gives her another dimpled smile. “Wherever I go, I’ll love you always…I’ll be there loving you no matter where. Sweet dreams, Hello Kidney.” She lets her eyes close.

“Wherever I am, I’ll be there loving you, Ash… forever.” Ali repeats the deep sentiment before leaning in for a passionate kiss lasting just long enough to truly leave nothing unfelt and nothing unspoken.

“Sweet dreams, marshmallow.” Ali closes her eyes and holds Ashlyn as tightly as her wife’s arms hold her, laying her head down in the middle of her chest. She focuses completely on the drumming of Ashlyn’s slowing heartbeat against her face and her shallow breathing, willing her body to match it as the minutes tick by… breath for breath, beat for beat…letting herself get lost and pulled away.

\-----

Franny, the hospice nurse, quietly lets herself into the house and goes up to the room as usual. Last week, Ali would have been awake to greet her and Ashlyn would often not wake up until she started administering treatment or doing her best to freshen her up. The last few days have been different though. Ever since Ashlyn lost consciousness, she has found Ali asleep and curled into Ashlyn’s side these last few mornings. For as many hospice patients as she’s provided care to, none of them have touched her heart like these two.

Franny smiles at the sight… they appear to be more wrapped up together this morning than usual, Ali’s mouth slightly parted. Ashlyn almost looks to be holding Ali and Franny immediately wonders if she woke up at some point, making a mental note to ask the brunette when she wakes up. She sets to work clearing a couple of empty glasses and checking the levels on the oxygen tank and catheter bag, doing her best not to disturb them for as long as she can. There really isn’t all that much to do since Ashlyn insisted on no medical equipment except for the oxygen, IV, and catheter.

Franny looks at her watch and sighs, knowing she needs to get started. They look so peaceful and she feels bad waking Ali up when she knows the woman barely sleeps these days. She opts to start with the IV bag and walks around the bed, hanging it first before taking Ashlyn’s hand from Ali’s waist so she can flush the IV line.

“Oh...damn.” She whispers softly at the feel of Ashlyn hand, cold and stiff. She immediately checks for a pulse…nothing. She takes a deep breath and steels herself for what is coming next, the reaction from Ali that she knows is going to be rough to watch to say the least.

“Ali, honey.” Franny calls out gently, getting no reply. “Ali, sweetheart.” She reaches to give the brunette’s hand a little squeeze and jumps a bit, quickly looking down to make sure she didn’t grab Ashlyn’s by mistake…she didn’t. Her hands immediately find the pulse points on both of their necks, just to be sure… “Oh my goodness.” She gasps, her mouth hanging open. She can’t say she’s completely shocked, but never in her 29 years as a hospice nurse…

Franny quickly pulls out her phone, her mind scrambling to figure out exactly what to say even as she finds Jade’s number in her contacts.

\---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Three months later…

“Mama was such a fucking stud.” Derek announces as he tries on another one of her shirts and looks at himself in the mirror of his parent’s bedroom. “I mean, who dresses this well when they’re like 80? I guess I never really noticed, but damn…everything in here is actually stylish. I mean look at this fedora!”

“They were both so on point with fashion.” Jade agrees. “Probably because of me.” She says with a cocky smile, already having claimed Ali’s dresses and her makeup counter.

“Probably. All I know is that I get dibs on Mama’s suits.” C.J. pipes up as looks through a wooden box he found near the bed.

They’ve cleaned out most of the house, but have avoided this room until now… vowing to finish clearing it out together this weekend before Sophia moves into the house soon. They’re still adjusting to the loss, especially both parents at once...there’s an eerie quiet, an empty spot in their lives that they just aren’t sure how to fill or even if they should try to.  Still, there has been a tranquility that none of them can deny, a peace in knowing it happened exactly as it should have…like a fairytale, just the way it started. 

“What is that?” Jade asks as she plops herself down next to C.J.

“I don’t know. Looks like a bunch of letters.” C.J. replies.

“They’re letters Mama wrote to Mom and gave her on their first Valentine’s Day with instructions on when to open them.” Derek says matter-of-factly from near the closet.

“How do you know that?” C.J. asks.

“I used to be a total asshole, remember? I pretty much went through all of their private shit at one point.” Derek shrugs.

“Oh my god, Dee… you read them?!” Jade asks is disbelief.

“Yep. Told you…asshole.” Derek points to himself with his thumbs. “I read whatever was open…looks like more are open now than back then. You guys should read them. They’re actually really sweet from what I remember. Actually learned a lot about love from those letters if I’m being honest.”

“You want to?” C.J. asks Jade.

“Sure.” Jade replies, grabbing the box of tissues nearby because she’s sure she’ll need them.

“Oh, wait!” Derek pokes his head out of the closet. “Tread carefully and DO NOT read the one that says something about opening when you’re lonely with a little winky face! Unless you want to be scarred for life.” He warns.

“Oookay, noted.” Jade giggles and immediately sees the one he is referring to, setting it aside.

It takes about an hour for them to get through the letters, tissues balled up all over the bed from all three of them by the time they’re done.

“They were so… beautiful. Just, perfect for each other in every way.” Jade sniffles. “Literally made for each other.”

“Biologically proven fact.” Derek smiles.

“There’s a couple not opened.” C.J. holds up two letters in his hand, all three of them taking a look.

_‘Open when… You want to give up on us.’_

_‘Open…If I go first.’_

“Those were never meant to be opened.” Jade whispers.

“Yeah. So much so that I could bet they might even be blank inside.” Derek agrees.

“What should we do with them?” C.J. asks, getting emotional again.

“Make sure they never see the light of day, just like they were never meant to.” Derek replies simply and gets a nod from both siblings.

Derek gently takes the letters from C.J. and makes his way down to the garage. It takes him a little while, but he finds it eventually…grabbing it along with a tin pan from the kitchen. He makes his way out to the deck, placing the letters in the tin and lighting the blow torch in his hand… the very same one that once burned the deck he stands on.

“Finish strong.” He says to himself with a sigh and lights the letters on fire. He stays watching them rapidly burn into ashes, looking up at the small wisps of smoke floating into the sky. “Hope you two are doing something beautiful together.” He whispers and heads back into the house, leaving the tin pan of ashes right where it is to be washed away by the reliable Florida rain.


End file.
